Chapter Text
“Peeta… Peeta…” Through the haze, I can see her face. Not like I used to, not like I imagined her in the twilight between my sleeping and waking hours. But even now, everything is cloudy. Was I asleep? Why is she here? My pulse quickens with anxiety as she prods my cheeks with the pads of her fingers. I close my eyes, trying to rid them of the mist around us that I’m certain is only in my mind. Though I don’t decide to do so, my hand reaches out to her face. Eyes still closed, I wrap my fingers around her neck, brushing my thumb down the line of her jaw. When I open my eyes again, the room is clearer. Brightly lit with fluorescent lights, I can see that wherever we are, she’s not afraid. Katniss trembles with sobs, holding my face and saying my name over and over again.
I know I should feel something more profound, something intense. At the moment, the only feeling I can name is relief. Relief that I’m here, and she’s not in the capital. Normally, I know I could calm her down. How did I, though? What was it that I did that comforted her? I try to conjure the memories, but everything feels fuzzy and uncertain. She inches closer to me, her hands touching my face, my shoulders, my hair. Asking if I’m okay, asking what hurts. What hurts? Everything, I want to tell her. I don’t want to worry her though.
Opening my mouth, I wait for the words to come out. Some reassurance, something. Anything. An answer to her questions, a response to the doctors who hover and try to work around her. But nothing comes. Instead, I settle for looking at her. Beneath the tears, her cheeks are soft, and I know that wherever we are, she’s at least eating well enough. The red around her eyes worries me, but I can hear her hyperventilating even as she tries to mask it. I know the violent hiccups will start soon. When they do, I can feel the corners of my mouth pull up, my face relaxing into an unfamiliar expression.
“Peeta,” she cokes on my name, her fingers digging into my neck while she pulls herself closer to me. Her face is only inches from mine, and with her so close to me, I can feel her sweet breath on my face. “Peeta, say something, please.”
I can’t stand for her to want for anything. Did they make me an Avox? Am I like Darius, and Lavinia? No, I don’t think so. I can feel my tongue in my mouth. Opening my mouth again, I try to reassure her. But nothing comes out. I watch as her face falls, her eyes full of worry and tears. Before I can try again, she threads her arms around my neck, curling up into my lap, pressing her forehead against my neck.
Though I can’t seem to control my speech, can’t force myself to speak, I find that I’m in control of my arms. I bring my hand up to the back of her head, weaving my fingers into her hair. Wrapping my other around around her, I lean back on the bed.
The doctors still hover, still try to poke and prod at me. I flinch at their touches, willing them to go away, to leave me alone. Katniss talks to them, saying something I can’t understand. I give up on listening to the words, and focus on the cadence of her voice. Is she talking, or singing? Surely she isn’t singing now. But the sound of her voice was always musical.
Haymitch. I see him walk through the door, staring at me. I can’t read his face, but where Katniss looks healthy, if distraught, Haymitch’s face is sunken and yellow. Again, I know I should feel something. Something strong. But I can’t find it, can’t name it. He says something to the doctors, but I don’t hear him. Should I be able to? I ignore the thought. It doesn’t matter right now. At least, I don’t think so.
The doctors file out, Haymitch following them without taking his eyes off me. The door closes behind them, leaving me alone with Katniss. Katniss. Katniss!
“Katniss,” I croak.