Chapter Text
Hughie knows that what he’s doing is wrong. He can feel it under MM’s disapproving stare, Kimiko’s sadness and Frenchie’s judgement. He sees it when Annie looks at him and shakes her head disheartened.
But he can’t stop.
Butcher offers him a way to be stronger, tougher. No more damsel in distress, no more ‘we need to rescue Hughie’. He’s finally the hero in his own story, no more sidekick or canary to anyone else. He gets to be the main character, and he feels invincible.
Doesn’t matter how much he throws up, how he feels like death warmed up and his insides on fire. The ability to be the one in control is too strong and powerful to let it slide away from his hands. He’s been manipulated enough times and used as a bargain chip against Annie for him to know there is no other choice.
He justifies himself that dosing MM is the right thing to do. That leaving Annie behind is what’s right for her, because she’s been through enough and he’s protecting her. But deep down, he knows the truth. They’ll stop him from being the strongest version of himself and he can’t afford that luxury. Homelander is getting too strong, Neuman is too callous and he’s tired of being everyone’s favourite joke.
He won’t stop.
He looks away when Butcher is being extremely cruel, when the lies to Annie just keep piling up, when MM struggles with his past, when the nights in the motel with Butcher end up in messy angry, borderline hateful sex. It means nothing and yet it means everything, because in this messed up world where you have to be a supe to defeat a supe, no one but Butcher seems to understand that the end justifies the means. Some messy things are necessary in order to succeed.
Or that’s what he tells himself at night, with Butcher snoring by his side, cum and sweat and lube pooling between the two of them, in an old and dirty motel room in the middle of nowhere, running away from everyone they’ve ever known, following on Super Boy’s lead.
It’s not love what’s happening between him and Butcher. Love has no room in a place as messed up as the one they’re in. Love is for peace times, and Hughie knows the war will never end until Homelander is gone and Neuman is exposed.
Annie takes a back seat in his head as he continues to be by Butcher’s side, standing by a man who’ll stop at nothing to defeat the ‘greatest superhero’ on Earth. He’s the only one who truly understands why Hughie needs the V24 in his veins.
The acid in his veins doesn’t burn as much as Butcher’s cruel kisses in the middle of the night. The nausea and headache don’t hurt as much as the touch of Butcher on his skin. As his need for V24 grows like his need for Butcher, he continues to tell himself that everything is fine.
And yet, he can’t help but question what he’s truly addicted to. Are Butcher and V24 really different at all?