Chapter Text
It was an accident.
At least, Kazuichi had dismissed it as that at first. He hadn’t intended to go to that point, but instinct had overcome him as Gundham leaned in. It had been less than a second. The taller boy had smashed his lips against his in a blind and clumsy attempt at a kiss, and Kazuichi had found instinct betraying him as he found himself leaning into it.
It had built up from a fight they’d had. Kazuichi thought it was a fight, at least. He had been sitting in the airport, sulking as he thought about how well Gundham and Sonia were getting on. He had wanted to be with a princess, with as pretty and smart a woman as Sonia. She was perfect in every way, and as she grew closer to Gundham his jealousy grew along with it. He knew logically she didn’t like him. They had fuck all in common, and Kazuichi had the social skills of a rusty spoon. Every time she was in the room, he found himself babbling and saying really dumb shit that sounded creepy and weird once he got away and actually thought about his words.
He felt angry at Gundham, in a petty way it felt like the breeder had stolen any semblance of chance he had with the princess (he knew that was bullshit, but a petty part of him insisted that). He was tall, mysterious, and dark. Sure, the guy was a total space cadet, but Kazuichi had to admit (in a very heterosexual way) that he was cool.
The anger and moping had finally boiled to an overflowing point, and before he could really think about it he found himself speed walking to the library, where he remembered Sonia mentioning she was going to look at cryptid books with Gundham. He thought about them, together. Talking about how dumb and gross he was. They probably weren’t, but his sulking had made him paranoid. If they were, he was sure as hell going to put a stop to it.
He finally made it to the library, making a beeline to their table. He slammed the book they were looking at shut and glowered at the dumb goth idiot. “I wanna talk to you!”
Gundham blinked up at him, a look of utter confusion crossing his usually melancholic features. “Why?”
“Because I--” Kazuichi stuttered, beginning to realize this rivalry was in his head. There was no rivalry. He wasn’t a rival. Fuck it, he had come here, he was going to follow through, damn it! “You know why!”
Gundham very clearly did not know why at first, but then his face grew solemn and he stood. There was a stoniness falling over his features, his mouth setting into a thin line and his brows furrowed. Oh god, was he going to kick Kazuichi’s ass? He had never thrown a punch in his life. While he had physical strength from lifting heavy metal parts and working with tools, he had the aggression of a snail.
Gundham had stepped aside, and Kazuichi followed. “I suppose this has been a long time coming, tamer of machines.” Tamer of machines? Tamer of machines?!? God, fuck him for making Kazuichi sound kind of cool!
“You’re fuckin’ right it has!” Kazuichi sneered.
Gundham nodded. “I didn’t want to assume…you didn’t really seem interested, I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“Didn’t seem interested! What the fuck are you talking about?! I’m more than interested! There’s no way you’re this dense!” Kazuichi yelled, gesturing wildly. In retrospect, this was the point where he should have clarified where the interest was.
Gundham nodded. “If this is a risk you’re willing to take, to risk death by coming into contact with such power. You could be killed just by my touch.”
“Wait what--”
Before Kazuichi could finish, Gundham plunged forward, and Kazuichi’s body and mind betrayed him by going along with it. Gundham’s lips were warm, and chapped. The movies were right about kissing making you feel like there’s fireworks going off. He felt like he and Gundham were two jumper cables coming into contact, sparking electricity.
It took way too long for him to remember what his name was, where he was, and what the hell was happening. He pulled away, feeling like his face had just been in contact with an active engine. His whole body was full of gasoline and adrenaline. There…were other people here. Not just Sonia (oh god, Sonia would think he was GAY, fuck). Hajime was reading in the corner, Mikan was browsing books towards the entrance. Chiaki was playing on a handheld console at a table nearby. And oh boy, he felt all of their eyes tattooing him now. He slowly looked around, eyes wide. They were all going to think he was GAY. Everyone would think he was GAY with Gundham’s kiss and his pink hair and pink eye contacts and everyone would laugh at him and Sonia would laugh and it was so hot in here now…
“Um…” He finally remembered Gundham again as the taller man spoke, looking at him and just when he thought his face couldn’t feel any hotter, it did. Gundham’s eyes were wide, his pale cheeks dusted pink.
Sonia clapped, her face split into a huge grin. “Yay, I knew you could do it Gundham! I told you he likes you back!” FUCK, she already thought he was gay!!!
Well, Kazuichi was going to be the next murder. He was going to off himself after this unrecoverable humiliation. He wanted to scream, to beg them to forget, to somehow argue he was not gay, this was an accident.
Instead, he sprinted out of the library at breakneck speed, holding his beanie so as not to expose his abomination of a haircut and further embarrass himself. He ran shrieking at the top of his lungs, through the second island, then through the central island. He finally settled on anxiety sobbing as he jogged back to the airport until he found the tools he had kept there, clinging to a wrench as panicked tears streamed down his cheeks.
He wasn’t gay. He wasn’t. It wasn’t gay to enjoy kissing a man. To enjoy looking at a man. To have a couple self-love sessions thinking about that man and his deep voice and long, slender fingers…
Okay. That was kind of gay. But he still definitely liked women. He still fantasized about Sonia. He still wanted to run his fingers through her shiny golden hair. Maybe…maybe he swung both ways? Played for both teams? Maybe he was possibly containing the eensiest chance of a statistical probability of being bisexual. Maybe. It was very up in the air. He wasn’t going to admit it. Yet. Not today, anyway. Today wasn’t a good day for identity shifting realizations about himself. He was going to instead take apart this luggage conveyor and tinker around with it. He would make something! That would be good.
His panic attack had finally eased into his average state of constant dread when he heard the airport’s doors open and felt it spike again. He continued disassembling the conveyor, carefully removing the belt to reveal its mechanical insides.
“What automation are you constructing?” Guess who. Kazuichi felt his heart flutter and didn’t like how his body was just doing things he hadn’t come to terms with yet.
“I dunno yet. I’m just stripping this to see what parts it has for now, I guess.”
Gundham nodded, eyes roaming over Kazuichi’s anxiety project. “I see…why did you really come to the library?”
Why did he just jump straight to the point? God, why was he addressing the point? Kazuichi winced. “You managed to catch that, huh?”
Gundham scowled. “Don’t toy with me, tamer of machines. I could easily banish you to realms currently unknown by mankind.”
Since when were Lovecraftian threats kind of sexy? God fucking dammit, Kazuichi’s mind betrayed him once again. “I thought we were talking about Sonia.”
Gundham blinked, his severe look replaced by wide eyes. “Why?”
Kazuichi wondered how Gundham could be so socially inept. He seemed so cool and strange and mysterious…actually, that explained why he seemed that way. He marched to the beat of a different drum because he never learned the rhythm everyone else knew naturally. “Cuz you and Sonia are like…together, y’know?”
Gundham only supplied a blank stare.
“Like…romantically? Like, you guys have chemistry and stuff. And I…wanted that. With Sonia.”
Gundham shook his head. “That is not remotely what that was. Sonia and I share a love for the dark, the strange, the supernatural. She is a worthy confidant to even a powerful being such as I, but not a paramour. I have no interest in pursuing courtship with women.”
It was now Kazuichi’s turn to stare at Gundham blankly. “Are you…sure?”
Gundham’s eyes narrowed. “Are you? It seems it is you who are unsure. Our brief exchange had the heat of a thousand suns dying in a blazing supernova, it surely frightened those in the darkest realms. And yet you seem to doubt your own passions.”
Kazuichi was beginning to kind of get a handle on translating Gundhamspeak. The weird posturing and fantasizing and metaphor he used. “Look, I really don’t wanna deal with this today.”
“Why?”
He held the bridge of his nose. “Just go, please?”
Gundham’s face seemed to wilt, and a hamster emerged from his scarf to glare at Kazuichi. “I…I understand. The risk of being so close within my presence is far too great.” He turned and left the airport, and the hamster crawled onto his shoulder to continue its glare as he walked.
A few hours of silence went by, and Kazuichi tried to completely devote his attention to disassembling the luggage conveyor. He had almost finished and was ready to start planning what to use the parts for when Hajime came into the airport.
“Hey Kazuichi.” He stood over the mechanic with an innocent and friendly smile.
Kazuichi couldn’t help but frown up at him. Had Chiaki sent him here to figure out what happened? “Yeah?”
Hajime shrugged. “Well, I figured we have some free time, do you wanna hang out?”
“That’s all?”
“What…is there supposed to be something else?” Hajime blinked.
Kazuichi raised a brow. “You don’t wanna talk about what happened in the library?”
Hajime shrugged. “Not really. Whoever you like romantically isn’t my business, and it doesn’t change anything I already thought about you.” He smiled. “Actually, if it’ll make you feel better…I like guys too.”
Kazuichi’s hands began to fidget together, as if they were trying to find something to tinker with. “Yeah? Thought you were into Chiaki.”
“Oh, definitely.” Hajime blushed, his hand rubbing the back of his head. “But I like boys too. I’m guessing you’re the same way.”
Kazuichi suddenly felt a lot less awkward about the whole situation. Maybe…everyone didn’t care that he’d kissed a guy? Maybe instead they were just staring because he had stormed into the library shouting, kissed a man and then sprinted out? “Yeah? That actually…does kinda make me feel better.”
Hajime motioned to the current mess of parts on the floor. “Want me to help with that?”
“Sure.” Kazuichi shrugged. “You can sort the parts that are similar or the same looking, if you wouldn’t mind.”
The other boy nodded and kneeled down, picking through the parts. Kazuichi had been afraid he would press the subject further and ask him about what happened, but instead they just sat together in silence and sorted parts. And then Hajime gave him an old timey radio and left.
The next morning, he felt like he was walking to his own execution as he went to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. He would have been perfectly willing to skip breakfast, were it not for his traitor stomach. Despite Hajime’s support, he still knew everyone else would probably not handle the situation with so much poise and kindness. In fact, he was positive they wouldn’t. Fuyuhiko’s desperate hold on his fragile masculinity all but promised the small yakuza would flip his lid.
Kazuichi entered the restaurant, where only a few others were already eating. He got his food, sat down, and made his best attempt to mind his business and avoid attention. A small, irrational part of him desperately hoped no one would remember and ask about the incident yesterday, but he knew that wouldn’t happen.
And he was right. Ibuki sat down across from him, practically vibrating in excitement. “Hellooooo lover boy!”
Kazuichi felt his face heat up and he prayed that mother Earth herself would swallow him up and spare him this humiliation. “Good morning, Ibuki.” He chanced a look up at her from his slumped over position in his seat. She looked like a dog about to fetch a stick. Her tongue was sticking out between her grinning teeth while her eyes glittered in glee. He wanted to throw up.
“Sooooo, you and Gundham, huh? Ibuki is very surprised, you didn’t seem to like him, but maybe you’re a tsundere? You don’t seem like a tsundere though…you seem like the nerd who tries to get the girl but comes off like a creep.”
Kazuichi wanted to be anywhere but here. Anywhere. He would have jumped for joy if he were in front of his pissed off dad, with his resentment at his poverty and his pressuring Kazuichi to be a man. He would take being in middle school again, surrounded by merciless bullies. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He finally managed to mumble.
Ibuki giggled. “You knoooow…Akane told me.”
Kazuichi finally made eye contact. “Akane? She wasn’t even there!”
The musician shrugged. “Sonia told Akane, and Akane told Ibuki. Akane said you kissed Gundham. On the lips.”
Kazuichi scrubbed his face. “It was an accident…”
“That seems like a very hard thing to do by accident.”
“Well, it was. We both misinterpreted the situation, okay? I’m not like that. I like girls.”
“Me too! Aren’t they pretty?” Ibuki giggled. “Boys are pretty too! Maybe you’re like Ibuki and you like both!”
Kazuichi couldn’t help but blink in surprise. Ibuki was bi too? “You’re bisexual? Do you…know if anyone else is?”
“Just figured out you are.”
Kazuichi rolled his eyes. “Who else?”
Ibuki hummed and tapped her chin. “I ‘unno…”
Before she could give a better answer, more people began filing into the restaurant. Hiyoko looked at him and gave that mean, heartless grin she reserved for Mikan. Great.
He felt what seemed to be a baseball mitt full of steak land on his shoulder, but was actually the reassuring beefy hand of Nekomaru. “Kazuichi! I just wanted you to know that you are supported!”
“Thank you Nekomaru.” Kazuichi droned, holding the bridge of his nose. “It was an accident, I like girls.”
Nekomaru frowned down at him, obviously not buying it. “Hmmm, okay. Either way, if you need to talk, I’m here.” Maybe the guy wasn’t as much of a meathead as he seemed.
Gundham finally came into the restaurant, and Kazuichi’s blood felt like it was finally waking up along with the rest of him. He’d never been like this before, why was he suddenly so…into him? Was it because he was finally beginning to admit it? Whatever it was, it was obvious whatever chance he’d had was completely blown to smithereens. His eyes had accidentally met Gundham’s, and the breeder had only met his gaze with a cold glare.
Chiaki finally spoke up. “Okay, so yesterday everyone got to explore the second island--”
“Who cares about that? I think I speak for everyone here when I say we all wanna know what happened with pixie stick yesterday.” Hiyoko pointed directly at Kazuichi, reigniting his fight or flight response (why bother even mentioning fight? It was solely a flight response).
“P-pixie stick?!” Kazuichi squeaked, eyes wide. He didn’t like that nickname.
Hiyoko giggled, and her childlike face and voice had zero charm. “Yeah, cuz you’re all bright colors and you kiss boys!”
Kazuichi felt his face match his hair. “Th-that was an accident! I swear! I wanted to kiss Miss Sonia!”
“Hmm…you seemed to kiss a bit too long for it to be an accident. It’s okay if you did kiss Gundham on purpose, we all are supportive of you.” Chiaki chimed in, trying to make peace.
“I didn’t!! I swear!” Kazuichi felt his eyes fill up with moisture. Now was not the time to anxiety cry. Now was not the time to anxiety cry.
“May as well kiss Gundham, you got a better chance with him than with Sonia.” Fuyuhiko unhelpfully added from the back of the room.
“Shut up, at least I’m not a happy meal version of Eminem!” Kazuichi blurted out, then as soon as he realized what he’d said, he felt like he was having a heart attack. He’d just insulted one of the most powerful yakuza heirs in Japan. He was going to die. Then again, death might be a nice escape from all this.
Fuyuhiko’s face turned the complexion of a ripe tomato. “SHUT THE FUCK UP! I’ll sell your organs and your boyfriend won’t be able to fuckin’ save you!” He began to stand up, as if he was on his way to de-organ Kazuichi right this moment.
“We’re not dating.” Gundham finally spoke up, scowling. “It was an accident, just as Kazuichi said. There’s no need to push this subject further. Let us move on to discussing any clues the second island may hold and what was found there.”
While it seemed like some of the more ornery students wanted to continue taunting Kazuichi, that seemed to finally bring the conversation away from him and what had happened. Everyone began talking about the second island, just like he’d wanted them all to. But then…why did it hurt that Gundham had shut everything down like that? The day before yesterday, he hated the guy. And now his cold glare made his stomach curl into itself. Why couldn’t he go back to hating him with unresolved sexual tension? Why now did he want to talk to him, apologize for brushing him off?
----
“All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you.”
“Kazuichi.” Makoto stood in the hospital room’s doorway, his face unusually solemn.
Kazuichi sighed and put down the battered copy of Watership Down, something he had managed to find in the library here at Future Foundation headquarters. He knew Gundham would love this book, and would have probably secretly cried while reading it. He had spent the past month reading to him everyday, as he lay in this comatose state like the others in his class who had “died.” He gave Gundham’s hand a light squeeze. “I’ll be back in a minute, okay?” He stood and followed Makoto into the hallway. He had a sneaking suspicion he knew what this conversation was going to be about.
“Kazuichi, I know you and Gundham are…close.”
“We’re dating. He’s my boyfriend.”
Makoto pursed his lips. “I wasn’t sure, considering that was something when you were Remnants of Despair…”
“Is there something wrong with us being boyfriends?”
Makoto’s eyes widened. “No! That’s not…” He sighed. “Look, it’s not a thing to worry about right now, but maybe in a couple months…we might need to entertain the possibility he won’t wake up.”
“Then why bring it up?” Kazuichi’s eyes narrowed.
“Because I’m trying to emotionally prepare you. I don’t want this to be a sudden thing. You should have time to come to terms with it if it does happen. If he doesn’t wake up, we’ll need to--”
“Then we’ll figure it out then.” Kazuichi went back into Gundham’s room, resuming his usual spot next to Gundham’s bed.
He’d resumed reading to Gundham until he heard someone come into the room. “How is he doing?” Sonia set the tray of food on the table next to Kazuichi. She usually brought him and Fuyuhiko lunch. Sometimes Akane would take her place, or even Hajime. But Sonia always stuck around to talk and catch up. It was kind of nice, considering Kazuichi only ever talked to a comatose person lately.
“Great, we just finished a round of Scrabble.”
Sonia only spared a half-hearted smile at his weak joke. He usually answered her ‘how is he doing’ question with something dumb. It was easier than saying nothing, nothing at all had changed.
“I am sure everyone will wake up eventually.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “Gundham can hear you cheering him on, that will help him come back faster.”
Kazuichi held the bridge of his nose. “Yeah…”
Sonia ignored his pessimism and kept her cheer as she continued. “We are going to have lunch with some of the others in the cafeteria, if you would like to join us.” Kazuichi knew the we meant everyone in their class, aka the former Remnants of Despair who weren’t currently in a coma. It was apparent she was trying really hard to start integrating into Future Foundation’s culture and social circles, despite most of the members giving them the cold shoulder (and Kazuichi didn’t blame them one bit).
Kazuichi shook his head. “I can’t leave him alone.”
Sonia’s jaw tightened, he could tell she was utilizing every ounce of diplomacy she had been trained in. “He is not going anywhere, Kazuichi. He will still be here, even if you go and live your life.”
Kazuichi glared at her. “So he can wake up the same way we did?” When he had woken up, it had been a horrible assault of memory. Both from his high school years and his time as an Ultimate Despair. The awful, violent things he had done all flickered through his mind as it dusted off the cobwebs from being in stasis for a month. He’d vomited, cried, and barely kept himself from jumping off of the roof of Future Foundation’s headquarters. He wanted to make sure that when Gundham woke up, he’d know everything was okay, that he wasn’t a monster anymore and that he wasn’t alone.
“Nobody else has woken up yet, you can spare yourself an hour away!” She scowled at him. “I understand where you are coming from, I also care greatly about Gundham. He is my closest friend. But you need to take care of yourself as well!”
Kazuichi leaned back in his chair and groaned. “Fine, I’ll join you guys tomorrow. Just…don’t make it a regular thing. I don’t wanna risk it.”
Sonia finally smiled, nodding. “Good. I will see you tomorrow then. We will be eating in the first floor cafeteria, near the salad bar.” Her eyes looked brighter than they had since they had been in the simulation as she turned to leave.
While the memories of his time as an Ultimate Despair would haunt him until he died, they were a pittance to pay in exchange for the memories he regained from being with Gundham. Weirdly enough, they had accidentally kissed while in high school. Although the real version had happened in secret at a school festival. Kazuichi had spent the next two years agonizing over his sexuality, watching the breeder from afar and trying to tell himself he didn’t feel a magnetic pull from the taller man.
Kazuichi wouldn’t really call their time together as Remnants of Despair dating. It had been a raw, animalistic partnership. An indulgence in sexual instinct while they burned the world to the ground. If nothing in the simulation had happened, Kazuichi could have dismissed it as an experimental fling and gone on to continue his attempts to woo Sonia. But what had happened in the simulation changed things. It had stripped away all the opportunities Kazuichi had to hide his feelings. The killing game had been horrible and traumatic, but it had also helped Kazuichi reevaluate his priorities.
But that would all be meaningless if Gundham didn’t wake up.