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After suffering from the ordeal known as time sickness for months, Iris enters the loft with her husband holding her hand.
They defeated the bad guy, they defeated Thawne…..again. Barry with the help of his kids, Jay Garrick and her, finally conquered a win against him.
Is she gonna call it a win?, she doesn’t know, but she is back now and she doesn’t have any trace of time sickness in her. So…
Everything is back to normal. Her husband, her family. Her friends. Nora and Bart have gone back to 2049 , everyone is back to normal. And everyone is happy.
Iris unclasps her hand from Barry’s before turning towards him,
“I…I am gonna take a shower !” she quietly says.
“Yeah…of course.” Barry smiles. “You go…and I’ll prepare something to eat.”
Iris smiles slightly and makes her way to the stairs.
As soon as she disappears, Barry smirks and speedily arranges everything in the living room. He decorates the whole place with flowers and candles.
He checks the time on his watch and proudly exhales. “Huh!..2 seconds!”
He prepares the food, speedily moving around the kitchen and sets up the table.
Barry then sits in front of the tv and waits for Iris to come down. She will be so surprised and happy to see all that he has done.
He is so happy to have her back.
Upstairs , Iris enters the bathroom and shrugs her clothes off, which she was wearing for weeks.
She stares down at the dark maroon sweater and closes her eyes.
After entering the shower she stands in the full stream of water.
She hesitates touching the body wash in fear of it vanishing away. She swallows thickly , reminding herself that she doesn’t have time-sickness anymore. Deon checked her multiple times for any trace.
She grabs the bottle swiftly and waits for it to disappear from her hand.
When it doesn’t , she proceeds to pour the liquid on her skin to wash herself.
As the cold water glides through her skin, she wishes for the pain, the loneliness and the trauma to wash away with it.
Tears stream down her face as she remembers her time in the negative speed force.
she was terrified there.
Terrified of what would happen if nobody came to save her. What if she died there alone without her family knowing anything about her.
She remembers how painful it was. She remembers Thawne’s hateful and menacing voice in her ears. His taunting words about her childhood, her marriage, her life.
She remembers what Thawne said about her birth, her father and her existence and she shudders.
She remembers him taunting her how her life has been a lie because she doesn’t belong here.
Her stomach churns at the thought. Where does she belong then?
The future.
She remembers him telling her.
How do you know that? She remembers asking him
and him not answering, instead showing her the painful memories of her life and disappearing for a few days. (He would be back to torture her some more)
She remembers screaming when watching those memories were too painful, when the pounding in her head was too much to bear.
She holds the shower wall for balance and heaves.
It's over Iris! Everything is back to normal. You’re okay. You’re back with your family.
There is no Thawne, no headaches, no pain, no time sickness, no negative speed force.
She tries to convince herself.
She scrubs her skin clean of any remnant of pain and fear. And releases a deep breath before turning the knob off.
A minute later she comes out and wipes her skin clean with a towel.
When she looks in the mirror at her reflection, she flinches. It's like her own face is taunting her. Asking her why she is back when she doesn’t belong here? And who is she back for?
For Barry, of course. Her husband Barry.
It's too late.
Her conscience tells her.
But he should have come sooner !
Iris scolds her conscience.
He is her husband, don’t you dare !
She gets away from the mirror and picks her night clothes out before putting them on.
Iris sits on the bed. She huffs frustratingly remembering her phone is still at her office, left there when she disappeared. Long forgotten in all this mess.
She lays down on the bed turning on her side with her hands clutched in between her knees. She closes her eyes and some tears escape free.
Barry checks his watch as he realizes Iris hasn't come downstairs yet. He speeds off to their bedroom to check on her.
He comes to a stop and sees his wife curled on her side of the bed, sleeping peacefully. Barry looks puzzled for a second then sighs.
She must be tired, he thinks.
He very gently covers her body with a comforter and switches off the light before leaving the room.
Next day she is sitting in her office staring at the blank screen on her laptop, attempting to write something…..anything.
She is having a severe headache.
She just wants to doze off, shut everything off and sleep, provided sleep comes without any nightmares trailing behind it.
Taylor comes to the room and seeks her attention. “Iris?”
“Huh? “ Iris answers her, still in daze.
“This is the recording of an episode of our podcast….I wanted you to approve it.”
“Podcast?? Did we record anything ?” she asks, confused. “ I don’t remember recording anything.”
“Oh no…you didnt….Allegra hosted on your behalf.” she explains.
Iris’ face fell. “Oh!”
She extends her hand for the device and retracts suddenly.
“Uh…you know what it's alright….we can publish it.” she answers quietly.
She looks down. “I don’t ….need to see it.” She offers her a tight smile. “I’m sure Allegra must’ve done a good job.”
Taylor nods. “By the way …we held the fort down quiet ok in your absence….” she says after pausing.
“Vanya handled every editorial and even Allegra was tolerable…..We did good without you…better than good actually.”
Iris stares at her before nodding slowly. “That’s ….nice to know…”
Once Taylor leaves her cabin, Iris glances at the Central City Citizen sign on her glass door of her cabin.
Her gaze then falls at her father’s pic with Wally on her desk. Tears well up in her eyes remembering Thawne’s words.
You aren’t even from this time ….why would your family care about you? Why would your father Joe West even try to find you? You aren’t even his daughter.
He was lying, right? Of course, he was lying. She is her father’s daughter. That's the biggest truth.
Iris closes her eyes and tries so desperately to convince herself that he was lying to her.
That's what he does. No matter the face he wears, no matter what version of him. He deceives people by feeding on their vulnerabilities. He did the same to Barry and he did exactly the same to Nora, the daughter she lost.
He just lies and manipulates people for his own personal gain. Everything is a means to an end for him.
Frustrated at these questions and their even difficult answers , she rubs her forehead and grabs her bag a second later to leave for home.
When she reaches the loft, she puts her keys in the bowl and enters the foyer.
The scene in front of her catches her off guard and she gasps.
Every corner of the loft was covered in decorations, from flowers to candles.
She looks at the dining table. It has all her favorite food items spread out on it.
She glances at her husband standing in one corner, smiling widely, probably proud of himself to surprise her.
“Barry?” she quietly asks.
“Did you like it?” He bites his bottom lip nervously.
When she doesn’t answer, he runs his hand on the back of his neck, an action of a nervous and fidgety Barry.
“I just….I just wanted to surprise you…You know we have been far apart for so long…I thought…” he trails off, explaining.
“Do you not like it?” he asks again.
Iris looks around her at everything and smiles, thin-lipped. “Uh…no…I …I do…I like it.” she gulps.
Barry looks anxious. “You do?”
Iris stares at him for a long time.
It's too late
It's too late
He should have come sooner
He should have come sooner.
Stop!
How does he do this? She wonders. Is she dreaming? Last few months ….last year rather….did it not happen? Or did it just happen to her and not him?
She shakes her head slowly. “I…I’m not really hungry Barry.!”
She rubs her forehead, because the headache is killing her now. “I’m actually tired….I am …..I’m gonna sleep.”
She says and looks at the confused and dejected look on his face.
He stops her once she reaches the stairs. “Iris?”
She looks at his outstretched hand as he speaks.
“Is everything ok?....”
Is everything ok….I don't know…maybe for you it is….I am definitely not ok.
He continues . “I …why does it feel like you are avoiding me?...I mean ….I did all this for you…..I…do you not like it?” he pauses then,
“I also took two day off and planned a trip for us…. Spain.” he says.
Iris scoffs inwardly. Is he mocking her? Pacifying her with all these gifts and flowers and vacation.
He starts when she doesn’t say anything. “Tell me what’s wrong?” desperately asks.
She remains silent.
“Iris, maybe the change of space will help us………..will help you?..” he implores.
“- and ….we can again ...you know....again start…uh…start trying?” he asks bashfully.
“I…I really can’t wait now to have our own baby.”
She just wants to cry. At any other time, Iris would be overjoyed hearing these words from her husband.
Right now, she just wants to ask him.
Babies !!? That’s what you want me for?
She keeps looking down because if she looked at him, she wouldn’t be able to recognize the man in front of her. Damn, she doesn’t even recognize herself anymore.
She rubs her forehead again.
“There is so much pending work at the Citizen with me being absent for so long….so, I can't go on a vacation.”
Barry tries to convince her. “Allegra can handle it…she handled everything in your absence .”
Iris closes her eyes and swallows. “Of course she did….but I’m still the editor and I need to be at the office.” she firmly says.
With that she does not stop for his further comment and climbs the stairs to reach her bedroom.
She sits on the edge of the bed.
“I planned a trip for us.”
Like taking vacations can erase every trauma , every problem.
“Allegra can handle it..”
She closes her eyes at that and feels a tear trickling down her cheek.
She always thought that her office was her comfort zone, her freedom, her safe space…….well .....not anymore. Everything has changed there.
Timing of podcast, readers’ suggestion, articles preferences.
They have changed things. Maybe for the better….she doesn’t know.
She just knows that that's not the Citizen she created.
She sighs audibly and goes to change her clothes.
Barry wants to go confront her. He feels uneasy at her behavior. Why was she so curt with him?
He shakes the nagging feeling away and decides to go for a run. She must be tired. He will give her space.
She is Iris. She always tells him everything. Whatever is the problem, she will talk to him. Right now he must give her space.
One day she was sitting at the window sill of their loft, looking at a particular billboard on the road,
‘Central City…Home of the Flash!...You can always count on our hero to save you !’
Barry comes near her. “Iris?”
She doesn’t listen.
“Iris?” He calls her firmly.
She looks at him before wiping her tears. “Yeah.” her voice is raspy as she answers.
He takes a deep breath before speaking.
“Iris…what’s….” swallowing. “what’s happening to us?….it feels like our connection…there is something wrong…..please talk to me …what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Then why are you crying?”
She looks at him for a long moment before answering.
“I was in negative speed force….for over a month….…just waited…all the time ….just waited…….so cut me some slack for crying.”
He shakes his head fervently. “I didn’t mean it like- oh god,...” he takes a seat beside her frantically and takes her hand.
“Iris, what happened to you there?” he asks worriedly.
Didn’t know he cared.
Her conscience again.
“You want to know?” she asks instead.
“Of course…..did Thawne say something…?”
“Iris don’t let anything he said get to your head…he always does that.” Barry insists.
“And where is your husband right now? Do you really think he is searching for you?”
“I’m sure he is.” she answers .
Thawne laughs a full-bellied laugh.
“Oh no…..no…” he stops laughing and faces her.
“I always thought you were a smart woman, ……. but you are so naive Iris…”
He takes a pause and whispers menacingly.
“That’s why it was so easy to manipulate you in the reverse-flashpoint timeline.”
“If you really think ….your precious husband and family are searching for you right now…..you are sorely mistaken……they are fighting crimes, living their lives, making new memories without you…
……no one is worried where you are? Are you even alive or dead..”
She releases a deep breath and stands up to go away from him.
“Iris?”
“Iris!”
She doesn’t stop.
It's too late
It's too late
He should have come sooner
He should have come sooner.
She doesn’t have energy left to scold her conscience now. She is exhausted.
That day she sleeps far away from him on the bed, curled on her side…and cries silently.
He tries to touch her shoulder to offer his support but stops himself before laying down on his side of the bed.
After two days , he decides to put his foot down.
“Iris?....please talk to me..it's been days.” he has tears in his eyes.
Iris keeps sitting at the table. She doesn’t say a word, doesn’t cry.
“Should I book an appointment with Dr. Finkle?”
Barry grabs her shoulders gently and tries to hug her, saying sorry. But she flinches away from his touch.
And he looks dejected at her reaction.
Offense coloring his features, he asks with disbelief in his eyes. “Iris ?”
She stands up and goes to her room.
He keeps sitting there, shocked.
She doesn’t go to her office , she can’t go to her dad’s home…
Is he even her dad?”
Her damn conscience again. Just shut up!
But she can’t stay here either. She feels nauseous at every breath she takes. Her vision blurs the happy memories of her and Barry and instead she is surrounded by new memories of pain, trauma and suffering inside the negative speed force.
She is so lost. She is drowning. And there is no one to hold her. And for the first in her life she believes Thawne. She does believe whatever he told her.
She doesn’t belong here.
She chuckles harshly.
He succeeded in manipulating her……finally.
Just like Barry, just like Nora, just like the other Iris from reverse-flashpoint.
Damn that man!, always two steps ahead. Always faking it, always calculating , always manipulating. He just doesn’t get tired. He will again try to ruin Barry’s life….and hers by extension.
He already did once.
Iris feels detached from everything here as she comes to the realization. She used to think only his love would be enough…but it's not.
Across dimensions! Across timelines!
You’ll always be Barry, I’ll always be Iris…and we always find each other.
She closes her eyes and cries.
How can she be so detached from him? How does he seem so far? It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t.
She loves him. They are Barry and Iris.
When did he become so indifferent to her? Her Barry.
What happened?
He should've come sooner.
Her conscience keeps nagging her, telling her that she is not a priority for him anymore.
She accepts, defeated.
“I don't know…what's wrong with her Joe….I mean…we defeated Thawne….everything is back to normal…why doesn’t she feel it…..why is she growing apart?” he asks at the verge of crying.
“She’ll be okay Barry……I feel it…it will be okay.” Joe answers
“I’m trying here,...but I just….” he shakes his head.
“I talked to her…but nothing’s working…..she doesn’t talk to me anymore.” he frustratingly sighs.
Joe then smiles ."Look she is my daughter….but you are my son too….you should not worry that much, you are doing everything right…she will come around….”
Barry nodded sadly.
"How’s the team doing by the way?...Are they ok?"
"Yeah..the team is fine…everything is fine.”
Iris trails behind Barry as he holds their bags containing their swimming gear in one hand.
“I didn’t know you liked swimming, you used to hate it.” Iris asks him
Barry chuckles. “Yeah! But you like it….and I wanted to do something for you."
“I don’t like it anymore.” she mumbles.
“Come on….just try to enjoy, for me.”
Iris nods. “ For you.”
After wearing their swimming gears, Iris and Barry get ready to jump.
“You first.” Barry speaks.
Iris shakes her head fondly and jumps.
Iris dips her head in the water a couple of times and swims across the pool gracefully.
After that, she takes a long dip and her eyes widens seeing the green wave of still force energy there.
She tries to come above the water surface but something stops her.
The green wave keeps approaching her underwater while she is holding her breath,
She watches the wave making the tiles of the pool vanish along the way. Iris opens her mouth as she tries to break free from the force holding her down.
After some struggle, she comes above the surface and screams.
“Barry!”
“Barry, save me!”
She tries to swim but realizes she can’t. Strange.
The green wave keeps coming near.
"No!"
“No!’
It comes near her and she closes her eyes when the wave finally washes her away.
“NO!!!”
Iris wakes up on the bed screaming with sweat shining on her face.
She gasps once she realizes it was all a nightmare.
With breaths coming out in pants, goosebumps covering her skin, she tries to take deep breaths before dissolving in tears.
She cries bringing her knees to her chest. Everything is fine. Everything is normal.
Iris sits on the couch and waits for Barry to come home.
She doesn’t know how he will react. But she has to do it for herself. It's going to be tough. And painful, but she won’t back down.
Barry enters the loft and sees her sitting there.
He releases a breath and very slowly makes his way to her.
He takes a seat beside her and opens his mouth to speak.
“I know that…..that things have been rough between us since you came back. And I know that no matter how hard I try, it’s not enough….”
He takes her hand.
“But I promise you that I will do everything I can to get us back to the way we once were….We are Barry and Iris…”
Her vision get blurry with tears as she listens to him.
“....Iris, you are my lighting rod, the person who grounds me, the person whose sound brings me out of any timeline….just like you did in reverse-flashpoint without you even knowing me for more than a day…”
Barry chuckles. “....You didn’t even know who I was yet you believed me, yet you helped me….yet you saved me…” he whispers.
Warm tears roll down her cheeks and her chest tightens.
"Iris we are gonna work through this I know that…like always we’re gonna work through this…” he desperately claims
"I know you’re not gonna give up on us…you never did.-”
“I have to go Barry!” She cuts him.
He looks at her puzzled.
“What?..right now?...where?”
She turns to him with watery eyes.
“I’m…..” closes her eyes. “I’m lost, Barry…”
“I’ve been lost for soo long….I’m not …I’m not ok.” she unclasps her hand from his.
Barry looks confused. “Iris..I know-”
“You don’t….” she cries. “You have moved on so much, so far ahead….I’m lagging behind…..I can’t keep up Barry.”
She stands up.
“I feel nauseous here….
..-with you.” she ends.
Barry stands up as well.
“Iris? “ he looks shocked.
"You don’t understand what I’m going through…..how much pain I am in….”
She exhales defeated. “.....you just want kids…”
“Iris..no!” He reaches out to her but she backs away.
"Barry ….I …..I waited for you….in the negative speed force..” she sobs.
“I waited for you to come and save me….every second …I just kept counting….kept wondering when you would come…
pausing.
“……until my eyes closed and I fell unconscious…”
"Were you even searching for me…while I was in there?” her questioning eyes were too much for him.
Barry has tears in his own eyes as he tries to explain.
“Iris…I-I searched for you in the still force…Nora and I …both…..then Nora said you were there in the future …safe….”
She closes her eyes as tears kept rolling down.
“Iris..please, don’t….I promise I tried my best…then I didn’t have anything to go forward with…..please don’t misunderstand me Iris….I came as soon as I found something.” he again reaches out to her.
This time she doesn’t back away. He holds her hands.
“You should’ve come sooner…..it’s too late!” she finally gives voice to her conscience.
“Barry, I thought I would be ok…" she continues.
"…once I am back in my husband’s arms, I will be back to normal.”
She cries softly. “But I’m not ok….”
“...and you think that flowers and vacations are gonna solve everything….it's gonna lessen my trauma….."her voice cracks.
"....NO its not…!!” she raised her voice
He cups her face. “Iris, I’m sorry…..I’m so sorry…”
“I can’t live like this Barry…..I feel like…I’m drowning in water and nothing is there to anchor me to the ground. Not even your love.
“....i feel like I don’t belong here anymore.”
“You do…you belong here with me….we will move past this Iris.” he pleads.
“How?...when I don't even feel safe here…I can’t sleep at night…I can’t do my work."
Barry scoffs quietly. "You don't…you don't feel safe with me?...in our home?"
She shakes her head. "Barry, you and I both know that we are not the same anymore. For this past year, we've drifted apart…..so much. "
Her tears spill on Barry's fingers on her cheeks.
"We don't even spend time together ….even before I was lost in time, we didn't."
He also cries.
"How can you say that? Every battle I win, every villain, every meta I defeat ….is only for you…..even if I don't make time for you….you are always with me in every fight."
"...Barry, take a good look at yourself in the mirror, and ask yourself if every battle you win is for me…or is it for your own self?
….you are a hero Barry, you enjoy that title ..you do this for your city, for yourself, for even Team flash .."
She brings his hands down from her face and shakes her head sadly. "You don't do this for me !"
"Iris…Love is what guides me, my love for you."
"It used to……Now, your parents' death guide you, even after so many years you are not over it."
"....and I'm just tired of helping you out with it for so long.
.....you're selfish, Barry!.." she sadly comments. "..Only your pain, your trauma, your parents' death, your emotions matter….no one else's.
Barry looks shocked at her .
.... every other person's trauma is easily forgettable to you…….that's what you are trying to do with me right,.... "
She forcefully adds . "you want me to forget this last year completely as if nothing happened, while you continue being absent from my life…" she sobs and speaks unhinged.
…..and ….” she breathes rapidly, “...and expecting me to live happily ever after, brushing everything under the carpet…..and…and compensating me with vacations, bringing me flowers …
….I Do Not Want Flowers. !!" She yells while sobbing.
Silence falls between them as they stare at each other.
"Iris.." he brokenly starts.
"I will never….I will never be absent again, I promise!..we will move past this….I'm sorry…we will go to therapy ."
She cries and he swallows.
"Iris, you are my lighting rod, did you forget that ?"
She closes her eyes. "stop saying that, Barry….you only need your lighting rod to get you out of unknown timelines…..to get your speed back."
"....do I not matter anymore? Am I only good enough to be somebody's mom, somebody's wife….but never just Iris.?"
She shook her head. “I need to leave.”
“What?” Barry asks disbelievingly. “What..what.. about us then..?”
Shaking her head, she wipes the tears. “I don't know…I just ….our relationship..our marriage…it matters to me the most…..
She pauses.
"But it's not the same anymore Barry….” she looks at him sadly. “We both know that.”
Barry shakes his head and pleads. “I love you, Iris….you know that…you are the most important person in my life !”
She chuckles softly. “It's not about us anymore , Barry… !”
“...and it's not about you…
…..it's about me, I’m a person with real emotions and feelings….and I’m hurt right now…and I have a right to do what's right for me…....and I have decided that I cannot live like this anymore.”
“Iris…please ….don’t do this-'' he pleads.
“We need some space Barry…I need some space.”
Barry can't believe his ears.
He cries. “how can you say that?. How can you?....I can’t live without you, Iris.”
“No, Barry….I think you’ll live just fine….just like you were doing these past weeks without me.”
She puts some distance between them as Barry stands there frozen.
She closes her eyes and calls Deon, the real Deon.
Barry comes into action and stops her.
"No…please no…you can’t ….no Iris, you can’t leave me….Iris, you are my life….YOU CAN'T GO!.” he yells.
Deon appears before them and looks on.
"Why did you call me?”
“Please take me away from here.”
Deon looks at Barry and then gives a nod to Iris.
"Iris…" Barry is heartbroken.
She comes near Deon.
He doesn't stop her this time. He watches her and Deon disappear amidst the green particles.
And then slumps down the couch, exhaling loudly.
He feels empty watching his world walk away .
Sitting here, he ponders over everything that she said. And feels guilty for failing her…..again.
Once they enter the still force, Deon looks at her.
"You sure you wanna stay here?”
Iris swallows and asks him.
“Can you take me to some other time….like in the future?”
Deon looks shocked for a second. “You want to go to the future ?”
“How far?”
“30th century!”
"Iris!”
“I just want to look at them ..just once.”