Work Text:
She’s not sure what came over her when she decided to invite Mizuki to her house, to sleepover especially. She’s known them in person for about a year, and two online, but she’s still not close to figuring out what’s bothering them. She’s come to terms with the fact that they’ll have to reach out to her first, but the waiting is starting to make her feel helpless.
They’re her precious friend, after all, and she loves to hang out with them, but to invite them so suddenly to her home… She really isn’t sure what she was expecting.
Perhaps she just wanted an excuse to be able to talk to them late at night without being separated by LCD screens. Something about late nights exposing people’s secret emotions.
They’re on Nightcord at 2 AM, like they usually are. Mafuyu’s put in her hour of work and already left, Kanade’s deafened so she can focus on her music, and perhaps Ena should be deafened as well because Mizuki won’t shut up.
“And then she falls off the tower- I didn’t see it coming at all! - and afterwards, she, you know, the one with the…” Mizuki’s rambling about some anime, Ena’s only been half paying attention, trying to focus on the canvas before her. The piece just isn’t coming together. Maybe it’s the colors, maybe the whole composition is wrong, she can’t tell. What she does know, however, is that Mizuki’s been quiet for about thirty seconds, which means Ena should have responded twenty seconds earlier.
“Huh? Oh yeah yeah, why would she do that,” Ena half-heartedly mumbles. She feels bad for ignoring Mizuki but she’s stuck on this stupid piece. What isn’t working? Why isn’t it coming together?
“Ena,” Mizuki rolls a thought in their head, trying to get the words out, “maybe you should do something this weekend? Get your mind off the piece?”
“Why would I do that?” Ena growls into the microphone. She might be a little on edge.
“Because you usually don’t ignore me so blatantly,” they complain, but there’s no hurt in their voice. Their conversations at this time are usually only to fill the silence.
“I have to finish this piece. You, Kanade, and Mafuyu, you’re almost done with your parts. But I’m sitting here, struggling with my stupid piece. I need to improve. I can’t keep falling behind like this.”
“I’m telling you! A break, something to get your inspiration back. We could go to an art museum or something, at least to be able to see some work and maybe learn something from them?”
“Fine!” Ena slams her hands down on her desk, for the sake of being dramatic, “and you can stay over at my place after, if you want. We can make it a whole day.”
“Oh! Okay!” Mizuki’s surprising compliant, especially after the torture that was trying to get Mizuki to agree to any plans with her several months ago.
After promising to stand by their side forever and to have a little more patience, Mizuki’s more or less returned to their over-excited outgoing self. They don’t see Ena as a threat, having the boundaries drawn clearly so that she won’t press them any further. It’s a trade-off she’s willing to make, Mizuki’s comfort and enthusiasm over her anxieties quenched.
She’s not a patient person. That’s for sure, and she’s still incredibly worried over what’s bothering Mizuki. She wants to help so badly, to never have to see that look of sorrow cross their face again, to let them stop using joy to hide their veiled melancholy. She knows, though, that the best way to help with this is to wait. So she’ll wait, as long as it takes, for Mizuki to come to her.
…Waiting sucks, though. That she’s sure of. Maybe she’s hoping to move along the wheels of Mizuki’s trust with having them come over.
Or maybe she just likes spending time with them. Either way.
“Does Saturday work?” They ask her, drawing her out of her asinine inner-monologue.
“Don’t you have homework?”
“Just ‘cause I don’t go to class doesn’t mean I don’t do the homework.”
“Maybe you should work on it. Being held back doesn’t sound like it would be very fun.”
Mizuki shudders at the thought, “you’re right. I’m trying to get out as fast as possible, personally. But, the homework isn’t that bad. Don’t worry about it.”
“Alright then. I guess I’ve heard Akito say something about how good you were at school. I’ll let you know when we can meet up tomorrow.”
“So you’ll send me a good morning text? Aw, so sweet!”
“Never mind. I’m going alone,” Ena drowns out Mizuki’s pleas to join her on the museum adventure. She’s so useless when it comes to them.
Which landed her in the precarious position of having Mizuki in her home. Not that Mizuki’s never been to her home before, but now she has to be with them for at least eight hours. Which she chose. Because that’s what she wanted.
“So this is the birthplace of all your great masterpieces, huh!”
“Mizuki you’ve been into my room before,” Ena bites back. They’re so obnoxious.
“But it’s different this time! We’re finally having our special besties sleepover!”
“We are not,” Ena raises her hands to do air quotes, “‘ besties’ .”
“No need to be shy Enanan,” Mizuki ignores her snark and takes a seat on her bed, “we’ve been besties! You don’t have to deny it.”
They were totally besties.
“I will never be besties with you. I already have my bestie.”
“You can have more than one bestie!” Mizuki crosses their arms, “we’re literally having a besties sleepover.”
They were also totally having a besties sleepover. Mizuki’s correct on both accounts.
That won’t stop Ena from being a little bitch, though.
“Who said this was a besties sleepover? This is just a regular normal friend sleepover.”
“You’re so mean! I bet if I asked Otouto-kun he would agree this is a besties sleepover.”
“Absolutely the fuck not you will! You wouldn’t!”
“But I would!”
“Stop,” Ena warns, “don’t you fucking dare.”
“Then say we’re besties!” They look so smug.
“Hah? You’re joking.”
“I would never joke about something like this. I take my bestie status very seriously, unlike some people!”
“Fine! We’re besties! Now don’t get Akito. I’m trying to not break out in hives tonight.”
“Yay,” Mizuki falls over, arms splayed out on the bed, “we’re besties!”
“You’re the worst. You’re my lowest ranking bestie.”
“Liar. Also you only have one other bestie. When’s the last time you’ve seen Airi anyways?”
“Not a lie. And I’m not sure… We text every so often but I don’t really see her outside that often. I think the last time we properly hung out was at the picnic. That was so long ago,” Ena sighs. Fuck. She’s such a shitty friend.
“You should see her soon! Ask her to hang out after school or something!”
“Fine,” she resigns to Mizuki’s whims. It’s not like they’re wrong though. She should probably ask Airi to hang out. Mizuki jumps up to grab her phone from the desk it’s resting on and pushes it to her chest.
“Now! Send the text now, or else you’re gonna forget.”
“It’s like ten PM! I can’t do that now!”
“Girl, she knows you stay up every night until like three. Just send the text.”
Ena pulls the phone from Mizuki’s hands and unlocks it.
“I’m not doing this because you told me to,” she lies.
“Yeah, sure,” they give a stupid knowing smirk and fall back until her bed.
“You’re obnoxious. Can you get out of my room?”
“Enanan’s so mean to me,” they roll around in her bed, just to rub it in her face.
“You’re the one who’s being annoying! Maybe next time don’t be annoying and I won’t kick you out?”
“No wait, I’m so cute and quirky and loveable, you can’t do this to me!”
“I can and I will.”
“Wait, are you actually kicking me out? I thought it was a joke! No Enanan, please don’t,” Mizuki clutches her hand to reinforce their desperate plea. Ena, however, is too busy focusing on how her face heats up.
“No, dumbass! I’m not that much of an asshole!”
“You’ve spared me together, oh great Enanan!” They do a stupid bow. They’re so fucking stupid. She needs to stop using the word stupid.
“I won’t be so merciful next time.”
“I’m sure you will!”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean!”
“We all know you can’t resist my cuteness,” they rest one index finger on their cheek.
“Yes I can. I can’t stand you.”
“You think I’m totally charming,” they giggle and maybe this is becoming too much, because Ena is forcibly reminded of the crush she has on them.
She’s a loser, yes. Even worse, however, she’s a loser who yearns.
“No. Never. Ew,” she lies, like a liar.
“Sure, sure,” they hum. They prop up their head with their arms, using Ena’s pillow as a rest for their elbows. They really do think they own the place.
Well, as far as Ena’s feelings were concerned, they could and she would be happy to give them a home here.
That was sappy. Shut up.
“Do you want to stop standing at the doorway?” They ask her. Oops. Her face flushes. She didn’t realize that she was standing the whole time, just watching Mizuki lounge around in her home.
“Come here, come here,” they pat the space next to them.
“Are you inviting me to sit on my own bed?” Ena crosses her arms, but still saunters over to where Mizuki is laying down.
“Yes,” they’re actually the worst. She still takes the seat next to them. Not because they asked her to. She owns the bed. This was her decision, fully her own, and not influenced by any outside sources.
“Enanan,” they poke her side. She jumps at the sudden contact pulling her out of her own head.
“What’s up?”
“Can we watch something? Like on your laptop?” Mizuki asks.
“Uh. Sure? Why?”
“What do you mean ‘why’?” Mizuki pouts, “is it not enough to want to watch something with my bestie?”
“No, it’s fine,” Ena mutters. She was thinking they would just do work together, considering they just did that museum date. Wait. Backtrack. Not a date.
They just had that museum outing for the sole purpose of getting Ena back on track with Niigo work. She should be working.
“Is it okay if I draw during it?” Ena asks. Mizuki nods their head.
“Inspired?”
She thinks about the time she spent with Mizuki. Maybe she was looking at them a little bit more than the artwork on the walls. What can she say, she is a loser who yearns after all.
“Yeah, a bit,” Ena mumbles, “it’s okay if you actually want me to pay attention though.”
Mizuki shoots her a lopsided grin, “Ena, I get it. If you gotta draw now, it’s gotta be now. Let me put something on and you can tune in whenever you want.”
“Nothing scary though,” Ena confirms. Mizuki just laughs in her face.
“Duh, I’m saving that for later when you can cling onto me during the scary parts.”
“ Mizuki !”
Mizuki ended up putting on a Ghibli film (Ponyo, specifically) and Ena worked on thumbnailing ideas for the MV’s illustrations. She did lay down in front of the laptop with Mizuki, working just in sight for them to look over and give their opinion on the work. She doesn’t like it when people watch her draw, but with Mizuki, it feels different.
Maybe everything feels different with Mizuki.
Their feedback was also good, which helped Ena work better and feel more comfortable in letting them watch her process.
She put down her work by the second half, rested her head on Mizuki’s shoulder, and enjoyed the movie.
It finished all too soon, though, as Mizuki stretches their back in a way that forces Ena to get up from her very comfortable headrest.
“So we watched a movie, now what? What did you normally do during sleepovers?” Mizuki asks Ena. She just shrugs in response.
“I’ve only had two sleepovers before. One was with Airi. And, well, the other was with Airi as well, but that’s because there was a storm and she ended up needing to stay the night.”
“Oh. You know, I thought you’d be a little more well versed in this sort of thing!”
“Why’s that?” Ena glares at them.
“Well! You just seem so, I don’t know, girly, I guess? Like I can imagine a little baby Ena at a slumber party doing her nails with her friends talking about boys or whatever.”
“Didn’t you say we were besties? I thought you would know me better than this,” Ena feels betrayed that Mizuki would even assume that.
“I do know you! It’s just the vibe you give off!” Mizuki defends themselves. They’re not necessarily wrong, she does give off that sort of teenage girl from a movie vibe.
“What about you?” She deflects, “you’re also ‘girly’, where’s your slumber party knowledge?”
There’s a pain that flashes in Mizuki’s eyes and a moment where their easy grin turns tense. Ena doesn’t really understand why they were affected by such a comment seeing as they take everything so easily. Being able to brush off their troubles was one of their worst traits. Why did it falter now?
“I’ve never been invited to a sleepover before,” Mizuki admits, “so it was nice when you asked me. How could I say no to my bestie?”
That wasn’t it. There’s no way it was just that. From what Ena understands, Mizuki made peace with their loneliness long ago. She doesn’t prod, though, and just rolls with the excuse Mizuki gave her.
“For real? But you’re like,” Ena tries to casually compliment them without making her crush so obvious, “friendly. There’s no way you weren’t invited to a slumber party or anything.”
“Sorry Ena, you’re taking the L on this one! This is my first sleepover ever.”
“Not even that friend from middle school? Kamishiro-san?”
“No,” they fidget with their hands, “he’s not the type for that sort of thing. I didn’t really have friends. I mean,” they’re mulling over what to say. Ena wishes they didn’t speak so precisely, weaving every word with intent.
“I had friends. Just not close ones,” they end up saying. Ena moves her hand around the sheets, eventually finding their own. She links their small fingers together in a gesture of reassurance.
“I could be your close friend. If you want,” Ena whispers. Gay gay gay gay.
“Enanan,” Mizuki stops staring at the wall and turns to look at her, “we’re already besties! I said this earlier.”
“Fine. We’re besties. But remember that means I’m here for you, you know? I care about you.”
“I care about you too. If you also need someone to talk to, I’d love to listen.”
“Thanks,” Ena feels her heart swell. Maybe this is enough for her.
“But what do we do now?” Mizuki repeats the question. Ena hums you herself, reflecting on her two previous sleepovers.
“Well, Airi and I just sort of hung out. Like we talked about stuff, like we normally would, just it was in the middle of the night. It wasn’t anything special.”
“Ah! So we need to have deep conversations!” Mizuki exclaims. Ena’s first instinct was to reject the idea, not because it wasn’t a good idea, but to spite Mizuki. Yet, as she thought about it, she realized that this would be a great opportunity for her to learn more about Mizuki. They’re always so cagey with information about themselves and this could be the chance she’s been waiting for.
She can’t be pushy about it, though. She won’t ask, but hopefully, Mizuki will open up to her.
“I guess?” She twists her voice to be uncertain, so Mizuki wouldn’t notice how excited she was.
“Hm, hm,” Mizuki idles, “let’s play twenty questions!”
“You’re joking,” Ena deadpans. She’s known them for two years now, and they want to play twenty questions now ?
“Yup! It’ll be fun! I’ll ask you questions that wouldn’t come up in normal conversation!”
Oh boy. Well, she’ll go through it if it means that she can learn something new about Mizuki.
“Ask away then,” Ena resigns herself.
Mizuki hums to themself, tapping the mattress under their hand.
“What’s your favorite color?”
“Seriously?”
“Yes seriously! Gosh, Ena you’re on full defensive today!”
“I’m not being defensive.”
“Yes you are.”
“No.”
“You’re literally doing it right now.”
“This is how I normally am,” Ena defends herself, in typical defensive Ena fashion.
“Oh my God, girl, I just asked what your favorite color was.”
“It’s pink!”
“Aww, did I make you like pink? You know it’s sort of my whole thing.”
“No! Shut up!”
“It sounds like it was,” they wear their stupid Cheshire Cat grin.
“I literally liked pink before I even knew you.”
“But I made you like it more, right? Right?”
Maybe they’re right, at least a little bit. But they can’t know that. That’s way too embarrassing.
“My turn then!” Ena declares and Mizuki quirks one of their eyebrows.
“Your turn? I’m the one asking the questions here.”
“Hah? It’s supposed to go both ways! Mizuki, what’s your—“
They cut her off, “Ah! Nope! That’s not the rules I know! I get to interrogate you! You agreed, the contract is sealed. Your fate is in my hands.”
“I can’t believe this. I’m not doing this anymore.”
“Aww, you’re no fun!”
“Yes I am. I’m tons of fun. This isn’t fun,” she rolls over to face away from Mizuki.
“It is fun! You’re a hater. Ena, what’s your favorite memory?”
She can’t help the images that flash through her mind, times spent with Niigo, times she spent with Airi, times she spent with her family when she was much younger, times she spent with Mizuki.
“The mystery tour,” she admits, looking back at Mizuki, caught off guard by the question.
“Oh? I thought you hated it. You know, seeing how scared you were.”
They’re such an asshole. She didn’t deserve this bullying.
“I mean! I get scared easily! You knew this and yet you brought us to scary places. That was fucked.”
“It was so funny though!”
“It wasn’t!”
“Ena,” their voice softens and Ena’s breath catches in her throat as they lean in, “was it actually not okay?”
“No… it was fine, sorry. I actually had a really great time. I hope,” she takes a deep breath, “we can see that Sakura tree again, next year.”
Mizuki stays quiet for a moment longer than Ena would have liked, as she feels her anxiety rise in her throat.
“Me too,” Mizuki’s voice is a little too wistful and Ena wants to take whatever plagues them and rip it out. She wants them to feel the happiness that she feels when she’s with them. She promised not to push anymore. They have to open up to her. They mask their distant look as quickly as it appeared, looking utterly devious.
“Any crushes?”
Fuck. Uh.
She can’t be honest about that. Not when the object of her affection is staring at her with wide pink eyes.
“Ah, uh,” she stutters, which Mizuki takes as an opportunity to go in for the kill.
“So you do !”
“N-no way!”
“You can’t hide that easily Enanan,” they wiggle up to her, their shoulders touching. Be still, her beating heart.
“C’mon! Tell me about him!”
Ah. About that.
“How do you know it’s about a ‘him’?” she snaps unintentionally. She’s been on the defending side of too many arguments with her parents that she automatically responds. Well. Hopefully Mizuki won’t give her as much shit as her parents do.
“Oh!” Mizuki’s eyebrows draw close, “I’m sorry! I just kind of assumed,” they trailed off. Ena feels guilt pool in her stomach.
“I didn’t mean to lash out,” she mumbles, her inability to properly apologize apparent in her words, “it was sort of an instinctual thing.”
“It’s okay! I really shouldn’t have assumed. I guess it’s your whole girl thing, huh?” Mizuki jokes.
“I don’t know why you’re so insistent on me being ‘the most teenage girl you’ve ever met’. I literally never go outside. I don’t think that’s very teenage girl of me.”
“But like it’s your whole vibe!”
“I will never understand you.”
Some sort of hurt flashes on Mizuki’s face, their smile becomes strained for a moment, then it’s gone again.
“Oi,” Ena tightens her grip on their little finger and lets her voice soften, “I was joking.”
“Ah, I know,” Mizuki’s voice sounds thick.
“Are you sure? I do understand you, you know? I think I know you better than you realize.”
The comment makes Mizuki tense up. She’s really failing at comforting them, isn’t she? She really sucks at this. If only she could be a better friend to them.
“Yeah,” they just let it slide, refusing to elaborate on the subject.
She wishes they could trust her. She wishes she could be better for them. She wishes they knew how much she loved them.
“So your crush, huh? Who are they!” they pivot the conversation away from themselves and back at Ena. She wants to push more on the subject, she wants Mizuki to let her in so badly, but she forces herself to swallow it.
“Why the hell would I tell you? All you would do is tease me!” Which is absolutely true, but the fact that the crush is them doesn’t make her want to tell them either.
“I’m not that mean! I would only tease you a little bit.”
“That’s still too much!”
“My teasing is part of my charm!”
“It’s not very charming. Can’t you just be normal?”
“So rude,” Mizuki flips over to face away from Ena (and, in turn breaking their hand holding, which Ena regrets), “I’m just gonna go home now then.”
“Fine then. Maybe I’ll get some quality sleep,” she says, fighting her desire to reach out and hold Mizuki’s hand for real this time.
“You never get quality sleep,” Mizuki pouts, “you hate me that much?”
Ena feels the grogginess slowing down her brain functions. What time was it? She shouldn’t be this tired, she’s used to staying up this late. But something about sharing these hours with someone else (and maybe the fact that they’re laying in her bed) makes her want to go to sleep.
“No,” Ena’s voice works faster than her brain, unable to deny her feelings, “I like you.”
Mizuki turns back around and faces her again looking at her with wide eyes.
“Yeah?”
“Uh,” Ena realizes that her words could have been misconstrued, considering that she sort of came out to them, “not like that. I like you. You’re my bestie.”
She doesn’t like to lie, not outright, but denial is her best friend. She doesn’t want Mizuki to know that she does, in fact, mean it like that .
Mizuki just found out she’s not straight and she said that? This was a recipe for disaster for everyone involved.
But it seems like that interpretation wasn’t what Mizuki thought, as there’s something else on Mizuki’s face. It’s not discomfort, but it’s something Ena can’t place, hidden by the darkness of her bedroom. They then quickly replace it with a faint smile.
“We are besties, aren’t we?”
“Yeah,” she wants to make a jab at them, maybe somewhere along the lines of ‘not sure how I do it,’ but she chooses to let the moment stay unruined. She has enough tact for that, at least.
The two of them stay quiet for a moment, the faint sound of street traffic pronounced by the silence in the room. Ena sneaks a glance at Mizuki’s face, who looks like they want to say something. She lets them think it through, not interrupting their thought process. She does, however, reach out and lays her hand on top of theirs. She can’t help the yearning sometimes. Mizuki flips their hand over to intertwine their fingers.
Fuck. Ena’s going to die.
“So? Are you gonna tell me who they are?”
“No. Absolutely the fuck not.”
“For real? C’mon, is it embarrassing?” their voice lowers to a whisper, “is it Mafuyu?”
“No!” Ena feels like her whole body flies off the bed, “what the hell?”
“I dunno! She’s really pretty!”
They’re right on that matter, but Ena would dignify the assumption.
“No. I’m not telling you.”
“You’re so mean to me, Enanan,” Mizuki whines, pushing their face into one of Ena’s pillows.
“Well? Do you have a crush on anyone?” Ena asks, face skewing in anxiety. She loves self-sabotage!
Mizuki lifts their head off the pillow and adjusts themself so they face Ena.
“Now wouldn’t you like to know?” They tease. She shouldn’t have expected an answer.
“Maybe I do!”
“Aw, Ena, are you worried there’s someone else? You did just confess to me after all!”
“Die. Just die. I can’t do this anymore.”
“No, it was cute! I thought it was really sweet. I like you too. You know, ‘not like that’ though,” they parrot Ena’s voice. She bristles at their teasing. This teasing was more than she was able to take right now, already embarrassed by her previous actions.
“Do you even like girls?” Ena asks through gritted teeth and blushing cheeks. Her little slip up was so embarrassing because Mizuki could have easily taken it as romantic. If they don’t like girls, then it doesn’t have the same implications.
Mizuki visibly weighs their options. The tense moment makes the frustration Ena feels increase exponentially. Why couldn’t they just be open with her?
“I’m bi. I think I’m bi, at least. Honestly, I’m not so sure. I know I like girls for sure but,” the shrug, “as for guys? I’ve only had a crush on one actual guy.”
Looks like Mizuki has decided to take mercy on Ena tonight, at the very least giving her an equal confession to match her own. An eye for an eye, one coming out for another.
“Actual guy?” She asks.
“I mean like, not a celebrity or anime character or something. Like one real life guy. I’m not even sure if I liked him, though. I think I just cared about him a lot in a normal platonic way.”
“Please don’t tell me it’s Akito.”
Mizuki can’t hold back their laughter and Ena feels like a fool.
“No way! I also know more dudes than just your little brother, you know?”
“Like who? Aoyagi?”
“Well. Maybe like two or three other guys besides that. You have to remember I spend all my time with Niigo.”
“Do I know who he is?”
“You’re persistent now, aren’t you Ena? Jealous maybe?”
“No! Why would I be jealous of some guy?”
Mizuki laughs, “you’re telling me.” There's an implication in the statement that’s going over Ena’s head.
“Honestly? Looking back on it now, it was definitely not a crush. I didn’t even want to kiss him! I guess I felt like I had to like him? Like we’re close friends and I care about him a lot, that means I have to want to date him.”
“I never really had any close friends who were guys, but I get it. The feeling of obligation and all that,” Ena responds. Her parents did not help.
“Do you like guys?” Mizuki asks, “not to ask that sort of stuff! But,” they trail off. Ena shrugs in response.
“I don’t think so,” she steels herself, “I’m, uh, a lesbian.”
“I see where the obligation thing comes from then,” Mizuki muses, “it can be tough being pushed into a role. Expectations from your family or society and all that.”
“Yeah,” Ena mutters. She didn’t really think about it that way, maybe she and Mafuyu have more in common than she originally thought.
Ugh. Empathy. What a pain in the ass.
“I guess I felt like I liked him at the time, though! I didn’t realize that maybe I never actually liked him until right now. I don’t think about myself or my past that much. I’m just me, you know? I try to not get bogged down in labels.”
“I’m the opposite, I guess,” Ena comments, “I feel like the label is important to me. Like something about how it’s an aspect of who I am and something about me that’s important. Also a fun little word to throw at my family if they get uppity. If they start talking about another one of my dad’s artist friends’ cute sons, I’m going to flip the dinner table.”
“Classic Ena behavior.”
“I resent that, you know?”
“I know! That’s why I said it!” Ena’s not sure how they do it, but their mouth curls to resemble a cat’s.
“You’re annoying.”
“I know! I try my best.”
“And it’s working. Maybe try a little less hard.”
“Aww, but it’s so fun to tease you! You get super cute with how flustered you get.”
“D-don’t just say that!”
“Ena, have you taken the path of homophobia?” Mizuki wears a dramatic frown, showing how they didn’t really mean what they were saying, “just ‘cause I’m gay doesn’t mean I like you.”
They’re making fun of those kinds of situations, sure, but Ena’s heart feels like it’s a plane with an engine failure. Or maybe, more accurately, a helicopter with an engine failure, the way it crashes straight down to the concrete.
They’re just teasing. They’re just teasing.
How much are they just teasing?
How much is real? Do they actually not like her?
She fishes for a proper response, something, anything to sound normal, to keep up the appearance of not feeling like total shit.
Nothing. She stays quiet. Mizuki squeezes her hand, and she squeezes back. It’s about all she can do at this moment, in the hopes that Mizuki won’t stop holding her hand.
It’s so obvious. It’s too obvious. They’re perceptive enough to know that Ena’s crush is them. And they’re not saying anything back because they don’t reciprocate.
This sucks.
Well, she can at least try to salvage the situation as best she can. Even if it’s terrible, something is better than nothing.
“I wouldn’t wanna date you anyways,” she lies, “you’re annoying. And you’d probably try to take me to anime pop-up cafes as dates.”
Wow, that felt awful . The guilt pooling in her stomach feels like it’s going to burn through her insides.
“Oh I totally would do that, wouldn’t I?” Mizuki responds in a much more timely manner than Ena. There’s something there, though, a quiver in their voice that wasn’t there before. Ena isn't as perceptive as the rest of Niigo, but she knows Mizuki well enough to notice the change.
They’re both quiet and neither of them move a muscle. There’s a ticking sound coming from down the hallway, probably that stupid grandfather clock that always feels so loud whenever Ena has a meltdown.
She needs to fix this. Her hand must feel so clammy in theirs.
“It wouldn’t be that bad,” Ena admits under her breath. That stupid clock is so loud.
“Yeah?” Mizuki responds.
“Yeah. Maybe I’d even… enjoy it. If it’s with you. I don’t really get that anime stuff though.”
“Is that so?” Their voice cracks and Ena stops avoiding eye contact to look at them. Their eyes are clenched, clearly about to spill over in tears. Their smile is strained, accentuating the lines of their face. Have they always looked this small?
Ena just nods her head. Mizuki looks away, and back at her, and back away.
“That’s a relief,” Mizuki forces out, “there’s hope for me yet!”
“There was never a moment where there wasn’t hope for you,” Ena strokes their hand with her thumb, “you do have your own charm.”
“I thought you said I wasn’t charming?” They retort. Ena clicks her tongue.
“Yeah. You’re a nerd. But some people like that,” like herself. Not that she’ll say it. Mizuki knows it though.
“Yeah, and some people love grumpy artist girls who don’t sleep.”
“You’re,” she yawns mid-sentence, disrupting her tirade, “rude as hell. For no reason.”
“And you love it,” they reply, Ena noticing the sleep dripping from their voice.
“Yeah,” she closes her eyes, “I guess I do.”
“You find me totally charming,” they mumble, nuzzling their face closer to Ena, slotting themselves on Ena’s shoulder. They’re warm.
“Mhm,” she hums in response, “yeah.”
“Thanks for telling me, by the way. Coming out can be hard,” they manage to get out, fighting the sleep that’s taking over them.
“Mm? Yeah, of course. I trust you.”
There’s no reply after that, just an even breath tickling her neck. She lets her matching exhaustion take over her, taking the silence as the go-ahead to pass out. She feels warm, safe, and her heart might just burst out of her chest. She lets the sleep blanket her as she feels her conscious slip. She’ll have more time to revel in Mizuki’s presence in the morning.
(Little does she know, soon after she falls asleep, Mizuki’s eyes open.
“Ena?” they whisper. No reply. She’s surely sleeping. She wouldn’t fake it like they would.
“I’m sorry,” they say, in some hopes that it would ease the pain in their chest.
Maybe they’ll learn to trust her like how she trusts them.)