Work Text:
She feels her tablet pen shift under her tight grip, a sign that maybe she was getting a little too frustrated with the drawing (or lack of drawing) on her screen tablet. Ena isn’t interested in breaking her tablet pen, so she sets it down and lets out the breath she didn’t know she was holding.
It’s not the drawing that’s bothering her. She was trying to draw to distract herself from the actual problem: the Nightcord chat log that’s hidden behind her drawing software keeps calling her attention.
< Enanan : do u wanna go shopping this weekend >
< amia : sorry!!! i cant 😭😭😭😭 >
< Enanan : do u know when youll be free???? >
< amia : no 💔 work is kicking my ass >
< Enanan : oh >
< Enanan : ok >
< amia : sorry bestie !!!!!💔💔💔💔 >
Normally Ena is more sympathetic to Mizuki’s work schedule, but being shut down for the third week in a row without any attempt to work around it is becoming frustrating.
She takes out her phone and sifts through her photo gallery. She just needs something at this moment, something to feel a bit better. She finds a decent selfie that she ended up not posting when she took it and uploads it to her account.
The notifications pour in and she feels some sort of satisfaction at seeing her inbox’s numbers grow. The likes on her selfie are the same as usual, but she isn’t getting as many comments. She feels an emptiness in her chest. She needs something else. Maybe she’ll even take a gander through her DMs tonight, where people actually want to talk to her, instead of ignoring her requests to hang out.
She takes a peak at her messages and she is reminded of the reason why she never checks them. Most of the people there are so weird. And too many guys asking to date her. Go away! Does she not look enough like a lesbian?
…
Maybe not.
She leans back in her office chair.
This could change.
The next selfie Ena posts the next day has more activity on it than any post she’s made in months. There’s something about how superficial it all is, that such a subtle change can elicit such a response. Her art account is as quiet as always.
She fiddles with the ring on her nose, going against the advice of the woman who pierced it earlier that day. Something about risking infection. She wasn’t really listening. She was more focused on imaging the activity that was about to flood her Instagram page.
Her gamble paid off it seemed, as she’s reeling from the attention, and more so from the approval. Her phone is a strobe light of notifications, comments pouring in about how good her new septum piercing looks. She’s feels like somethings missing though and almost grabs onto it, maybe what she really wants is—
There’s a Nightcord notification in the slew of Instagram ones.
< amia: ???????? is ur septum real????????? >
< amia: i just saw your post >
< Enanan: yeah it is >
< amia: omg girl >
< amia: it looks kinda gay tbh >
< Enanan: that’s the point >
She doesn’t want to be dry towards Mizuki, but she can’t seem to help it. They’ve been upsetting her so much lately. Why did they have to be so avoidant? She’s their friend, they should want to see her.
Maybe they don’t care about her the same way she cares about them.
She could have misinterpreted their relationship this whole time. She could have thought that they were closer than they really were.
Has she been overstepping boundaries this whole time?
< amia: awww baby gay enanan finally taking a stand >
< amia: why did u get it? >
Why did she do it? She just burned a hole through her savings on a whim. Because she was upset at strangers on the Internet. Perhaps it’s time to turn off her phone.
< Enanan: i was tired of guys getting into my dms >
< Enanan: like go away! i dont want u here >
< amia: HAHA >
< amia: you won’t turn off dms but you’ll get a piercing >
< amia: lolololol ena youre funny as fuck >
She smiles at the text. Texting Mizuki like this, like they haven’t been avoiding her, is actually pretty nice.
< Enanan: thank you im actually a rising standup comedian star >
< amia: i would throw tomatoes at ur set >
< Enanan: youre banned from my shows actually >
< Enanan: the bouncers won’t let u in >
< amia: cute ppl are banned? damn girl how are u gonna get a gf then >
< Enanan: by showing off my brand new very gay piercing, duh >
< amia: … damn tbh youre right. there’s so many rainbow pfps in your comment section >
She didn’t notice that. She wasn’t actually reading the comments, just skimming the notification on her phone. She was too busy talking to Mizuki.
She… she actually doesn’t care about the comments. Not right now. She’s busy talking to Mizuki.
The gears turn in her head.
Didn’t care about comments?
When does she ever do that ?
Was speaking to Mizuki more important than validation?
Something clicks into place. She didn’t get this piercing because she wanted attention on her Instagram page, she doesn’t care about the strangers filling her inbox with empty compliments. Sure, it felt nice, but what she really wanted…
< amia: it looks really good tho. it suits u! >
< amia: gay arc starts now >
What she really wanted was the attention of one specific person.
The same person who had been avoiding her this whole time.
She feels her face burn (and not because of the metal in her nostrils).
< Enanan: ive always been in my gay arc >
< amia: but it wasnt obvious!! now everyone will know ur gay >
< Enanan: good >
She wants Mizuki’s attention. She wants Mizuki to want her. But Mizuki doesn’t. They wouldn’t isolate themselves like this if they did.
Ena’s tired of this. She’s tired and wants answers. She’s tired, wants answers, and above all, she wants Mizuki to want her.
< Enanan: why are u avoiding me >
< amia: what do you mean??? >
< Enanan: ive been asking you to hang out for weeks, but you keep saying no. u don’t even try to make other plans. >
Her hands hover above the keyboard as she debates where or not to type out another message. Without a response from Mizuki after thirty seconds, she decides to write it out.
< Enanan: i miss you >
She doesn’t want Mizuki to feel bad about avoiding her, but she needs them to know how she feels. Even if it’s embarrassing. If it's to get Mizuki out of their house and into Ena’s arms, then it’s worth it.
< amia: i >
There’s a silence on their end after that initial “I”. Ena gives them time. She’ll give them all the time they need.
< amia: ive been >
< amia: i didn’t mean to hurt you >
< Enanan: im not hurt >
Lie. Sort of. She feels betrayed, she feels abandoned, but more than any of that, she just wants to be with her friend. She really did miss them.
< amia: i didn’t realize how much u cared >
This frustrating little…
< Enanan: ive been asking you to hang out with me for weeks. to no avail. and then doing it again and again. >
< amia: oh >
‘Oh?’ Is that all, Akiyama? Ena doesn’t know why she likes them. Self-deprecating, irritating, Mizuki. Who she cares for deeply. Ugh. Why couldn’t she fall for someone else.
(She doesn’t actually want that. She loves Mizuki. She loves them so much it’s almost too much to bear.)
< amia: i missed you too >
It was with that message that Ena felt as light as a feather. But she can’t let go of them yet.
< Enanan: why were you avoiding me? >
< amia: i didnt mean to >
God. Demoted back to annoying. Actually, they’re infuriating. How is she even supposed to respond to this?
< Enanan: but why? >
< amia: idk >
< amia: uh >
< amia: this is gonna sound really dumb >
She already thinks you’re dumb Mizuki. Just let it happen.
< amia: its nothing >
Oh my fucking–
< Enanan: mizuki >
< Enanan: im only gonna be nice this once >
< Enanan: and then its back to mean ena >
< Enanan: its not ‘nothing’ >
< Enanan: something is bothering you >
< Enanan: thats causing you to ignore my messages >
< Enanan: and like >
< Enanan: isolate yourself >
< Enanan: even to the point where you’re avoiding 25ji meetings >
< Enanan: its not normal for you. we both know this >
< Enanan: its okay if you dont want to tell me whats bothering you. you can just say that >
< Enanan: but i care about you >
< Enanan: a lot >
< Enanan: so i get worried when i see you acting off >
< Enanan: i just want u to know that im here for u and if you need anything >
< Enanan: im first in line to help >
< Enanan: ok im done im not longer nice. im mean again >
Ena takes a breath as she finishes her barrage of messages. Hopefully Mizuki won’t run away from this.
< amia: ah >
< amia: enanan… >
< amia: thank you >
< Enanan: ???? >
< amia: really. thank you for everything. youre always there for me >
< amia: even if im being annoying hehe >
< Enanan: especially so. youre always annoying tho >
< amia: not all the time! >
< amia: but i guess i owe you this >
< amia: i just havent been feeling well lately >
< amia: its not that big of a deal >
< amia: its just >
< amia: uh >
< amia: hard to get the energy to do much. i dont mean to blow off ur plans and make u feel like >
< amia: like i dont care >
< amia: cause i do >
< amia: youre too nice to me, really >
Ena lets out the same breath she was holding. This was more than Mizuki ever opened up to her before. Chances are, they aren’t going to elaborate more than this. The fact that they admitted they weren’t feeling well is an achievement itself and one that Ena is willing to celebrate.
< Enanan: you deserve people to be nice to you >
< Enanan: mm >
< Enanan: youve earned people being nice to you, really >
There’s a long pause between the messages she just sent and Mizuki’s reply.
< amia: thank you >
This is where the conversation is seeming to end. Mizuki took three minutes to just tell her thank you? What were they even doing?
< Enanan: its true >
< Enanan: maybe one day you wont be as dense and realize it >
< amia: doubt >
< Enanan: okay whatever fuck u >
< Enanan: figure it out yourself bitch >
< amia: rude!!!! >
< Enanan: i told u mean ena was back >
< amia: enanan….. youre never mean tho!! >
< Enanan: “doubt” >
< amia: aww c’mon >
< amia: so… when did you want to hang out again? >
She’s glad that’s been settled, at least on some level. Mizuki taking the initiative is what she was hoping for. She pushes her chair back and grabs her phone to get ready to go to bed. Too many emotions for one night to not just go straight to sleep.
She goes to the bathroom to brush her teeth as she lets Mizuki know the details of her plan. When she looks into the mirror, she’s reminded of something.
Oh. The Mizuki problem is fixed but the piercing is still there.
Huh. Well. She hopes Mizuki actually likes it as much as they said they did. She didn’t spend all that money on it for nothing.