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Chapter Text

The only person he has to blame is himself, really.

He doesn’t regret his attempt to drown Liyue harbor via the wrath of an ancient sea god. Tartaglia is the Tsaritsa’s Vanguard, he is well aware of his responsibility to wreak havoc in Her Majesty’s name. The violent storm winds billowing through his hair as he admired the chaos from above only reassured him of his purpose in Liyue; it had simply felt right to play his role in toppling Celestia’s tyrannical reign of Teyvat under the Tsaritsa’s command.

Ajax also can’t bring himself to regret the Traveller’s appalled look of betrayal as he fought within an inch of his life to reach the Exuvia. He lives for the thrill of battle and the Traveller certainly proved themselves to be a worthy opponent. The opportunity to utilize his martial prowess to his fullest ability without immediately pulverizing his opponent is a welcome challenge indeed. Childe undoubtedly considers the Traveller a friend, despite the rather strained circumstances.

He doesn’t even regret the fall of the Jade Chamber and the mass economic repercussions the harbor will certainly face. The Qixing has proved itself capable of overcoming such adversity to both its people and the Adepti. He’d never much cared for the Tianquan anyway. Her ever-watchful eyes were a constant nuisance when conducting some of his more conspicuous duties at the Northland Bank.

What Ajax does regret, however, is the stabbing pain he felt when he saw Zhongli- or Morax now, he supposes- hand La Signora his gnosis without a spare glance in his direction. As if he wasn’t present at all. He had been so naive… so careless in the familiarity of their relationship.

And it’s not as though he believed he didn’t deserve it. Of course, Ajax couldn’t blame Zhongli for using him to keep an eye on his “contract to end all contracts.” He’d used Zhongli to gather information for his own plot to summon Rex Lapis to defend the harbor.

The irony of their relationship isn’t lost on Ajax. Maybe it would even be a bit funny if he weren’t the one getting fucked over.

He’d gotten entirely too comfortable during his stay in Liyue. His high-stakes task took the backseat as his focus shifted to wining and dining the pretty, amber-eyed funeral consultant. There was something enticing about Zhongli, some palpable spark between the two of them that blinded Ajax to the rather obvious signs of Zhongli’s divinity. He’d suspected Zhongli belonged to some type of Adeptal lineage with his vast knowledge of seemingly everything, ever. But Ajax never asked, and Zhongli never answered.

As it turned out, he’d misread the situation entirely. There was no spark, there was no connection, and there was nothing between the two of them. There was only a god doing his duty to preserve his nation. What a loss. Not so much for Liyue as much as for Ajax himself.

And this is how Ajax comes to find himself in his office at the bank, drowning his sorrows in a bottle of authentic, high-quality Sneznhayan firewater. It had been a gift from Zhongli (bought with Ajax’s money, of course) after he’d offhandedly mentioned missing his homeland’s drink of choice. The warmth he felt when he received the liquor was somehow more potent than the burning he currently feels in his chest after the rather concerning amount he’s already consumed.

Sighing, he turns toward the window. The moon has been high in the clear sky for several hours now, casting an ethereal light across the winding streets below. Most of the vendors had closed their shops for the night and only a few drunken stragglers remained around the tavern closest to the docks.

Ajax had been avoiding the general populace of the harbor since the incident with Osial. He didn’t think most people knew it was his doing, but the Qixing had instilled the idea that the Fatui were involved in the event. He’d become a regular patron of several shops over his year-long stay in Liyue and was mostly respected, but he’d rather not see scornful looks as he walked through the harbor during business hours. He’d had enough of that in Morepesok before his father had dropped him off for his new career as a child soldier, thank you very much.

Slightly inebriated and emotionally exhausted, Ajax rose from his pity party. If there was anything that could clear his head, it was the thrill of a fight. He craved the metallic scent of bodies lain to waste like he craved the sound of Zhongli’s unrestrained laughter over a stupid joke and an empty bottle of wine.

Oh for fuck’s sake. He’s truly hopeless.

-

The cool air was invigorating as he made his way towards Mt. Tianheng. Ajax inhaled deeply, savoring the blissfulness of the evening. The Liyuean summer’s warm embrace had softened throughout the evening, laying its head down to rest along with its people.

Normally he’d have traveled at double the pace, but the haze of the firewater and his lingering exhaustion from his fight with the Traveler hindered his progress. His gait was stunted from a barely noticeable limp and a week’s worth of accumulated fatigue. Ajax’s typical Abyss-ridden nightmares were now interspersed with fleeting images of warm, golden eyes accompanied by the deep timbre of a smooth, baritone voice whispering scathing remarks about his fantasies.

“You honestly believed that a god would stoop to the level of a mere mortal? One tainted by heretical teachings of the Abyss?”

Regardless, he trekked up the mountain with only slaughtered Hilichurl camps as evidence of his journey.

The view of the harbor from Mt. Tianheng was stunning. He hadn’t realized he was subconsciously heading towards this spot until a flood of memories returned to him. Zhongli had taken Ajax to watch last year’s Lantern Rite Festival in the quiet seclusion of the hilltop where their only other company was the open sky and the thousands of tiny floating lights rising to join the stars. Ajax still remembered the exact moment when he realized how deep his infatuation had infiltrated his traitorous brain.

“The purpose of the festival honors the late Adeptus, Skybracer, who fought valiantly to protect Liyue harbor during the Archon War. Mt. Tianheng, where we currently stand, was poised to collapse and crush the city. Skybracer sacrificed his beloved horns to allow the citizens of Liyue another chance to thrive in spite of such senseless destruction.”

Ajax laughed, feeling giddy from festival wines and his endlessly knowledgeable companion for the evening.

“You talk about him like you knew him personally. Like a friend.”

Zhongli gave him a genuinely fond smile, one that he reserved for small moments like these. Just the two of them, sharing simple conversations that Ajax wished would last forever.

“I am simply passionate about all of Liyue and its culture. I’m sure that you too would share similar sentiments after becoming so intimately acquainted with our history.”

Ajax detected there was more to his story than he was currently sharing, but all he could focus on was the man in front of him. Framed by distant lanterns that reminded him of the little glowing fireflies he would see in the summer months back in Morepesok, Zhongli was absolutely radiant.

The specks of gold in his amber eyes were further accentuated by the reflection of the illuminated sky in his irises. The warmth of the lights kissed his sharp cheekbones, giving his pale complexion a sort of otherworldly luminescence. He looked at Ajax like he was the only person in Teyvat, as though nothing else existed outside of this very moment.

“Childe?” Zhongli chuckled at his lack of response, but Ajax was speechless.

His heart stuttered as he recognized the precise moment he fell in love with Zhongli.

So much for clearing his head.

-

Ajax was so lost in thought that he almost didn’t catch the silhouette of a man standing at the edge of the hilltop. Posing regally as though he had created the city with his own two hands. Which, Ajax supposes, he did.

“Childe?” The gentle echo of Zhongli’s voice finally brought him back to the present.

“Zhongli-xiansheng. It’s a bit late for one of your strolls, isn’t it?” Ajax couldn’t bring himself to feign his usual enthusiasm when seeing the funeral consultant. A joyless upturn of his lips was all he had to offer. In fact, he could no longer feel the warmth of the firewater sitting in his chest. It was quickly becoming replaced by red-hot irritation.

Zhongli’s brow furrowed minutely. “Ah, I suppose it has gotten quite late. I must have been lost in thought. What brings you so far from the harbor? Is everything alright?” Zhongli hesitated. “It’s been some time since we’ve last seen each other.”

“Haha, no kidding, Xiansheng! Or maybe I should say Morax? It has been a few days since I almost drowned your harbor. Actually, I didn’t expect for us to see each other again at all.”

Childe could feel his anger continuing to rise as Zhongli’s concern grew. He was avoiding the funeral consultant for this very reason; once he started on some tirade, he was not typically inclined to stop.

“My own contract stipulated that you would be sent here to sow chaos, why would I hold such a thing against you?” Zhongli’s genuine confusion struck Ajax as so out of touch that only fueled his rage.

“Exactly! I did play my role as a pawn in the Mighty Rex Lapis’s divine game of toying with mortals for his own satisfaction. I’m so glad everything worked out. Don’t worry, I’m headed back home to Her Majesty as soon as possible. I won’t keep you any longer, Morax.”

Ajax turned to leave but was abruptly halted when a gloved hand grabbed his wrist.

“Childe, perhaps you misunderstand-”

“Misunderstand what?” Ajax staggered as he ripped his arm from Zhongli’s grip. “That you completely wasted my time and money for a year for your stupid fucking contract?”

Zhongli had the audacity to look completely baffled. “You believe that I viewed our relationship as simply a means to an end?”

“Yes, obviously! How fucking selfish, I would’ve still summoned Osial without you using me as some type of entertainment,” Ajax laughed in disbelief.

“Your Tsaritsa knowingly uses you, and I would never-”

“I voluntarily serve the Tsaritsa! I pledged my life to her! She’s cold, but she’s honest with her intentions for me as her weapon. I trusted you, and you used me, Morax. That’s beyond the cruelty of Her Majesty.” Childe was yelling now, but he couldn’t halt his flood of emotions.

Zhongli’s face betrayed the most emotion Ajax had ever seen from the other man. He looked appalled as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Good, Ajax thought, maybe being confronted by the truth outside of his own delusions of reality for once would be beneficial for him.

“I never intended-”

“Well you clearly-”

“Childe. Let me speak.” Zhongli’s tone of complete authority left absolutely no room for argument. His eyes darkened with a sort of seriousness that surprised him. He expected Zhongli to be flippant and uncaring after he had served his purpose in the god’s game. Despite his anger, Ajax could not argue.

“My original intentions were to use the connection between the Northland Bank and the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor to watch you as you planted the seed for later havoc; the people of Liyue needed to prove their ability to sustain themselves without my intervention.”

“But-”

“However.” Zhongli continued, not allowing Ajax a word in edgewise, “Our relationship developed much more than I had initially anticipated. The friendship we share has always been genuine, at least from my perspective. I am deserving of your anger towards me, but it would be remiss of me not to attempt to save what’s between us.”

His words were so sweet, Ajax wanted desperately to believe him. But he’d let his guard down before and Zhongli showed him exactly what happens when he lets people in. When he allows himself to believe that someone would ever pursue any type of relationship with him, holding no ulterior motives.

They weren’t ever completely transparent with each other, but Zhongli had never seemed put off by his penchant for bloodshed and battle. It felt so exhilarating to be sought out, for his company to actually be desired rather than just tolerated. He was so content with his first true friend since crawling out of the Abyss. Which is exactly why he wouldn’t allow himself to be let down again.

“I don’t trust you.”

A convincing display of hurt flashed across Zhongli’s face at Ajax’s words. He thought he had gotten fairly good at interpreting subtle changes in Zhongli’s emotions after all the time they’d spent together. When he found some expensive trinket in the market that Ajax knew he would be goaded into buying for the other man. How he hid his disdain for seafood when Xiangling presented him with an experimental dish. When Ajax made some stupid comment that amused him, showing a sliver of his uninhibited laughter and radiant smile. Apparently, none of it was actually genuine at all.

Zhongli sighed deeply. “I understand. Is there anything I can do to remedy that? I’m more than happy to tell you anything within my means, so long as I am unbound by contract to discuss the topic.”

His tone held a hint of desperation as if Ajax held any type of meaningful leverage over him.

“Fight me.”

Zhongli looked taken aback, though Ajax didn’t think this development was very surprising at all.

“I would really rather not, I have no desire to harm-”

“All problems can be solved through battle. So fight me.” Ajax narrowed his eyes at the other man, hoping to change his mind. He frequently fantasized about fighting a faceless Rex Lapis during his research before gathering the sigils of permission. Would his delusion be enough to touch an ancient martial god? What about his Foul Legacy transformation? He was itching to find out. Excitement was beginning to prickle like electricity in his fingertips.

Zhongli stared at him and Ajax could see the conflict in his eyes. Perfect.

“Unless you don’t actually mean it? Ah, maybe your apologies only stand when you can have exactly what you want in the way you want it. That’s not how this works, Xiansheng.” His hands itched to draw his blades, the prospect of another real, honest fight after his bout with the Traveler felt too good to be true.

Almost as if he sensed Ajax’s vision activating, Zhongli held up his hand. “Very well. But I will not spar with you now. I can smell the alcohol on you and I will not agree to a fight when you are inebriated or hindered in any manner.”

His tone was firm and he looked at Ajax with a beautiful sort of regal confidence. His coat billowed behind him in the breeze, his hair trailing behind him. He was so beautiful. Ajax forced himself to turn away.

“Meet me in Tianqiu Valley in three days’ time. My services are required at the funeral parlor until then. We will spar at midnight when the sun is down and the air is cooler.”

Ajax sighed, disappointed and enthralled at the same time. He would rather fight right now, but at least he’ll now have more time to prepare. He doubts the lingering buzz from the firewater would be much of a setback but he would most likely need as much concentration as he could muster against Zhongli.

He stole one last glance at the god before him. Elegantly poised and steadfast in his convictions. “Until then, Zhongli-Xiansheng.”

Ajax retreated back down the mountain, feeling Zhongli’s burning gaze on his back. He doubted he’d sleep at all tonight.

Chapter Text

Ajax was right, he barely slept a wink that night. Which didn’t exactly ease the pain of Teucer’s surprise visit the next day.

He was thrilled to see his brother again, of course, but the circumstances were less than ideal. Having the Traveller keep watch over his brother was a relief; there are very few people he trusts with anything regarding his family. His siblings are the last distinction between Ajax and Tartaglia. Without a reminder of his previous life still tethering him to home, what would be left other than a cold, ruthless weapon of war?

But aside from the delight of seeing how much his youngest brother grew in the year since he’d last been home, this was a huge setback in his recovery from overexerting his Foul Legacy form. He typically only needed a few days to bounce back from the eldritchrian horror-like transformations his body underwent while harnessing his abyssal power. Though two uses so close together proved to be more than he could handle. The pain of his joints dislocating to accommodate his ability is absolutely unbearable, but Ajax isn’t one to turn away godlike power for any reason at all.

Ajax is glad that Teucer’s impromptu visit to Liyue was filled with adventure, from exploring the marketplace to touring the ruin guard factory. However, his current predicament because of that latter activity is currently serving as a massive hindrance to his upcoming spar with Zhongli.

He’s been trying to take it easy in the past two days since Teucer left for Snezhnaya, but the lack of activity is killing him. He hasn’t seen much improvement anyway. He’s been completely exhausted.

With every use of Foul Legacy, the abyss strengthens its hold on his psyche, almost as if the godsforsaken place is drawing him back into the depths of the earth. His nightmares are plagued with creatures that his mind can’t totally grasp; the faces of a slew of beasts morph at disorienting speeds. Each time he makes out one grotesque image of gnashing, razor-like teeth and beady eyes, a completely different monster seems to win the battle for dominance. Their screeches are otherworldly, sounds unlike anything he’s ever heard before.

The nightmares wouldn’t be so bad if they were just dreams. But Ajax knows these are memories resurfacing from his stay in the hellscape so many years ago. Regardless, he’s not sleeping and it's getting progressively harder to sustain himself on the minimal hours of rest he has managed.

A knock on the door startles him from his thoughts. Even his reflexes must be weakened, there’s no excuse to miss Ekaterina’s heeled footsteps leading to his office at the bank.

“Sir?” He rises to open the door, revealing his most trusted secretary (and the closest person he has to a friend after losing Zhongli’s companionship, honestly).

“I picked up some medicinal herbs from Bubu Pharmacy to hopefully ease some of your symptoms before I leave for the night. I’m not sure how much help they’ll be but…” She trailed off, weariness clearly evident in her meeker than usual voice.

“Thank you, Katya. I have some matters to attend to this evening, but I’ll be sure to try them as soon as possible. Is that all?”

She deflates a bit at his clear dismissal. As much as it pains Ajax to act so cold to his subordinates, it's better if she isn’t privy to the rather horrifying complications of overusing his delusion.

“Ah, yes, Sir.” She turns to leave but hesitates as if she’s weighing her words before speaking.

“Please do take care of yourself. If there’s anything at all that any of us can do to help, just say the word.” Her eyes show true sincerity, even though her face is hidden behind the standard Fatui mask.

He gives her a tired smile as he closes the door. “Of course. Goodnight, Katya.”

As soon as her footsteps retreat down the hall, he stops trying to suppress the spasm in his wrist. A searing hot burn courses down his arm, filling his veins with discharged electricity.

He sucks in a breath through his teeth, closing his eyes to try to regain control of the muscles. Il Dottore instructed him to massage a certain pressure point directly in the center of his wrist while applying hydro for a cooling effect. Ajax despised the man and his sickening experiments, but he had to concede that his advice was (mostly) sound. In case the electricity discharge ever got completely out of control, Dottore gave him a little vial of conspicuous blue liquid to use in a pinch. He tried to keep it on his person but the prospect of becoming another failed experiment usually kept him from drinking the stuff.

Ajax looks at his arms, bare from his usual jacket as he adorns only his red undershirt in the comfort of his office. He winces at the purple-yellow discoloration along the lengths of his arms, tracing through his veins as though he’d been electrocuted from the inside out. Ah, maybe there was some truth to that.

Looking toward the clock, he noticed it was nearly time to leave for Tianqiu Valley. He knows that fighting Zhongli in his current condition is a stupid idea but he needs this. After days of attempted rest and recovery, he has to find some outlet to funnel all of this excess emotional turmoil. Between the end of whatever type of relationship he had with Zhongli and the hellish abyssal premonitions haunting his every waking (and sleeping) moment, he desperately needs to do something.

Most likely making a very grave error, he adorns his jacket, locks his office, and heads directly toward Tianqiu Valley. Only one way to find out.

-

As he expected, Zhongli was already at the location when Ajax arrived a few minutes before midnight. He was gazing at a ruin across the small lake where a dilapidated bridge had restricted access from any curious passersby. Ajax had only visited this area a few times to clear out some treasure hoarders while training recruits; the area was much more peaceful in the moonlight. That wasn’t what captured his attention, though.

Zhongli was facing away from him, noticeably missing his elegant coat. It’s not as though this was the first time he’d seen the man absent from one of his many layers of clothing, but the black and golden markings adorning his arms were definitely new. Even from a distance, Ajax could see the lazy, glowing pulse of the many lines trailing his forearms from under the cuffed sleeves of his undershirt. He wore no gloves and the tips of his fingers were molten gold.

As if sensing Ajax’s stare, he turned to greet him with a gentle smile. He was also missing his tie, leaving the top buttons of his dress shirt undone. He looked ravishing and Ajax wasn’t entirely sure what to make of this information.

“Childe.” They just stood there for a moment, neither seeming to know what to say. Zhongli began to cross the area between them, most likely to more easily converse about whatever arbitrary rules Ajax is sure he would insist on.

“There’s good, Xiansheng.” He didn’t want Zhongli to see the discoloration on his arms or the slight trembling of his hands. Ajax wasn’t going to jeopardize this opportunity for a few measly injuries.

“... Very well.” He looked rather suspicious but continued, “if you are still insistent on a spar, I must lay a few base rules for your safety.”

Ajax rolled his eyes but gestured for him to proceed.

“First blood will determine the victor. You are not to use your delusion and in exchange, I will not use any shields.”

Ajax balked, “why can’t I use my delusion? It’s a skill just like my actual vision.”

“I am all too aware of the repercussions from the usage of those manufactured delusions. Overuse harms you, does it not?”

Ajax averted his gaze, saying nothing. Zhongli sighed, something he seemed to do often these days.

“The rule stands. Otherwise, there are no holds barred. Do you have any other concerns?” Zhongli summoned his polearm from thin air, only moving his arm to grasp his weapon.

He shook his head, eager to commence the fight. Would Zhongli go easy on him? Would he simply try to incapacitate him through exhaustion, or would he strike for damage? Both? Ajax licked his lips in anticipation, a wild grin spreading across his face. He elected to forgo his bow for efficiency’s sake and summoned a hydro polearm of his own.

“Then let us begin.”

He made no movements after speaking. Ajax narrowed his eyes as he finally began to walk closer. The other man was deceptively unguarded, one hand holding his spear upright, the other hanging loosely at his waist. After a moment of observation, Ajax decided that speed would likely be his best plan of attack.

He sprinted towards Zhongli with a burst of hydro energy at his heel. Zhongli’s eyes followed him as he rose his polearm to strike at his left side. Perfect.

At the last moment, he propelled himself up to the left in another quick burst of hydro, slicing his polearm into two blades as he twisted his body midair. Zhongli’s other side was completely open as he flipped to the right. He brought one of his dual blades down on the other man’s unguarded shoulder.

Zhongli skillfully maneuvered outside the range of Ajax’s attack as though he’d read his movements. He swung his polearm up, nearly grazing Ajax’s side as he landed on his feet.

“Clever, but your footwork betrays your intentions. At least, in the eyes of a god who’s never lost in battle.”

Zhongli wore cockiness like a custom-tailored garment; it suited him beautifully. Ajax groaned at the condescending remark and sprinted towards him again. This time Zhongli blocked his hurried barrage of attacks with his weapon. Each weak spot Ajax saw was quickly defended in one efficient motion.

He jumped back and propelled himself upwards on another burst of hydro. Zhongli attacked during his moment of transition, literally kicking his polearm into the air. Ajax dodged, but barely missed the spear returning to his hand with a minute wave. He kicked the fucking polearm. 

His fighting style was so elegantly smooth, befitting of an ex-Archon. It was sexy. It was distracting.

He was already feeling the harsh pull of his exhausted muscles as he leaped back. Just as he prepared to launch himself towards the other man with another surge of hydro energy, his chest stuttered. He must’ve subconsciously imbued the attack with electro energy from his delusion to give him an added boost of speed.

Oh, fuck.

Ajax jolted backward as a surge of uncontrolled electro energy ravaged his entire dominant side. He tried to grab his paralyzed limb with his other hand, but he found himself completely unable to control his other motor functions.

In an instant, Zhongli pressed a boot into his chest, pinning him to the ground. He didn’t even register the spear knick the side of his neck. He only felt a warm, wet sensation trail begin to mingle with the unbearable electric stimulation.

Ajax wrenched his eyes closed, most likely making some humiliating grunting noise but unable to hear over the ringing in his ears.

The weight on his chest subsided as Zhongli knelt down to grip his shoulders.

“-ilde? Childe! That’s enough!”

Did he think that Ajax was doing this on purpose? He must’ve said as much because Zhongli looked incredibly alarmed when he managed to open his eyes.

“You didn’t activate this? How do you stop it, what’s wrong?”

Zhongli’s eyes darted from the arcing streams of electricity emanating from Ajax’s arm to his face and back again. The spasms were beyond his control, he couldn’t reach the stupid fucking pressure point even if he tried.

“Agh- pocket, my jacket, the vial-” he cut himself off, trying to regulate his breathing. The spasms were spreading further into his chest; his throat began to tighten.

Zhongli made quick work of locating and uncapping the vial. Ajax noticed the sensation of cool liquid in his mouth more so than actually watching the panicking man before him. He tried to swallow the fluid but his tongue wasn’t able to push it down his esophagus.

He must’ve made some noise through his teeth as Zhongli pressed two fingers to the underside of his jaw and his thumbs underneath Ajax’s chin while tilting his head down. Now wasn’t exactly the best time to notice the other man’s bare skin on his own, but he still tried to catalog the feeling (or lack thereof) for later.

He did manage to swallow the liquid as Zhongli began to firmly press into various points of his arm. The junction between his neck and his shoulder, the muscle directly above his right shoulder blade, the crook of his elbow, the spot in the middle of his wrist that he’d massaged in his office. It would probably feel incredible enough to fill his fantasies for weeks if he actually had any sensation in those areas at all.

The electricity finally subsided along with the spasms after a few moments of tense silence. Ajax heaved a lungful of air and let out a shuddering breath. And another for good measure. He didn’t dare look at the man kneeling before him, still pressing his fingers into his wrist.

“Sorry about that, haha… old injury-”

“I explicitly told you that I would not spar with you if you were hindered in any way. Not only that, you also ignored the incredibly minimal stipulations I set for your own wellbeing.” 

Angry isn’t the correct word to describe the way that Zhongli was reprimanding him. It reminded Ajax of the way that his family would scold him when he got himself into trouble after he returned from the abyss. The same lecture almost every day. Full of exasperation and often scorn.

“I don’t understand, Ajax! The fighting, the violence, you don’t even care! Where is my little boy, my sweet son who loved adventure and- and his family? Where has my Ajax gone?”

“You’re scaring Tonia, Ajax. Мама and папа always fight because of you. I wish you’d leave and never come back.”

“We’ve tried everything, Ajax, but we don’t know what has become of you. I don’t know what else to do… Your Мама fears for the safety of your siblings. I’m sorry.”

He really wasn’t equipped to deal with any of this right now. He removed his hand from Zhongli’s grasp.

“Sorry, Xiansheng, I violated the rules. You’re right. What now, do I suffer the wrath of the rock? Just get it over with. I have things to do in the morning if you’re not going to kill me.” 

Ajax’s words were scathing even though he knew Zhongli really didn’t deserve that. He can’t stand the thought of driving someone else away in fear after they learned too much about him. He saw Zhongli betray him once already and he simply can’t bear to see him leave again. It’s best like this.

Amber eyes bore into him as Zhongli looked at him, really looked at him. Like he was searching for something. Answers? The truth? Ajax steeled himself.

“... Why?”

Rather than disdain or contempt, the hurt was evident in his eyes. It wasn’t exactly pity, more like Ajax had deeply wounded him somehow. He was still kneeling in the dirt. Grass stains littered his undoubtedly expensive pants and there were wrinkles in the sleeves of his shirt where Ajax hadn’t realized he’d been gripping earlier.

“Why would you insist on using an ability that has such debilitating consequences? What could you possibly gain from further injuring yourself? This was supposed to mend our friendship, not … this,” Zhongli gestured to Ajax’s position next to him. He was still breathing heavily, trying to overcome the strange, numbing sensation of whatever poison Dottore had no doubt mixed into the mystery concoction.

Ajax resigned himself to the inevitable. There wasn’t much left to hide now anyway.

“It’s not exactly my delusion that causes this. Well, yeah, I guess it is part of it. But I have this ability I picked up from… uh…”

Zhongli looked at him expectantly. Oh, gods.

“ThetimeIspentintheabyss- but that was ages ago, really. Basically I used it when I was fighting the Traveller after summoning Osial and then I had to use it again because my brother was in town and he thinks I’m a toy seller… Oh gods, don’t give me that look! He wanted to go into this ruin guard factory that another one of the Harbingers set up and abandoned awhile back. Because he thinks the ruin guards are toys. That’s my fault. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter. I had to use the transformation again and this happened. I’ve never used it in such close succession before. Ah, sorry, that was a lot to take in.”

Zhongli’s mouth was open in shock. It was a bit funny.

Actually, it was very funny. Ajax laughed until he was in hysterics and tears sprung from his eyes. Zhongli was certainly more expressive recently; he finally closed his mouth but his look of concern grew as Ajax pulled it together.

“The abyss… You do have a constant trace of abyssal energy, so I suppose I’m not completely surprised by that information. It’s been amplified since your fight with the Traveller. But… the toy selling?”

Ajax chuckled again, “it’s a long story.”

“Are you going to be alright?”

Ajax still wasn’t sure what exactly Zhongli expected to gain from this exchange, but it was starting to weigh heavily on his heart. Ajax gets a fight with an Archon wearing the skin of the man he fell in love with and Zhongli gets… his connection back with the Northland Bank for the funeral parlor? More free meals while Ajax is still in the harbor? The merits of his friendship?

“I guess, Zhongli. But why does it even matter to you? What am I to a god?”

Something in Zhongli snapped. His concern turned to irritation as he narrowed his eyes at Ajax.

“I understand why you feel betrayed for remaining uninformed about your part in the contract. You were tricked and for that I am truly sorry. I do not regret my actions in testing Liyue in preparation for its era of independence,” Zhongli paused, freezing Ajax with the intensity of his gaze.

“What I cannot understand is why you have convinced yourself that others see no value in you outside of your role as a Harbinger. Is it honestly that hard for you to believe you possess the ability to be more than some tool of destruction for a god?”

Ajax surely now mimicked Zhongli’s earlier display of shock. The insinuation of his words is too much for him to process.

“Zhongli, is that not what you did too?”

The other man had the audacity to roll his eyes at Ajax. “You’re still not listening to me.”

Zhongli took Ajax’s hands in his own, lightly tracing the branched lines of purple and yellow with both of his thumbs. He was so glad enough feeling had returned in his limbs so that he could experience the spark of a different kind of electricity dance upon his skin at the contact. Something softer, more intimate.

“When the Tsaritsa stipulated that she would send her youngest to challenge Liyue’s self sufficiency without its Archon, I hadn’t expected you. I anticipated a cold, arrogant Vanguard befitting of the rumors to his name. When you arrived, with stories of a homeland far away and siblings you doted on with too much affection to fit the rumors, I hesitated.”

Zhongli continued, despite Ajax’s emotional turmoil, “I feared the loss of the companionship we have. I still fear for it, thus I am here.”

He reached his hand towards Ajax’s face, cupping his cheek in deceptively gentle hands.

“Please let me make this up to you.”

His expression was so sincere, so full of fondness. Ajax felt like he was going to pass out. Or cry, maybe. So he did the only logical thing he could possibly think to do in a situation like this.

He closed the gap between them, pressing his lips against Zhongli’s own. They were even softer than he’d imagined countless times, but it was hard to tell with the shock of contact between the two of them. Zhongli was rigid at first, as though surprised, but quickly melted into the kiss like their mouths were made to perfectly fit each other. 

Ajax slid closer to the other man until he was flush against his lap where he was still kneeling on the ground. Zhongli’s other hand snaked around his waist, finding the warm skin beneath his shirt. Ajax interlaced his fingers through the silky strands of hair at the base of Zhongli’s neck as he felt a tongue press against his bottom lip.

Zhongli licked into his mouth and Ajax was completely overwhelmed with the familiar smell of sandalwood and silk flowers combined with the new taste of Zhongli’s tongue. He unwittingly moaned into the kiss, prompting the grip on his wait to tighten.

Until he realized what exactly he was doing. Making out with the very same god that he’d already allowed to break his trust once. He promised himself that he would never feel that sting of betrayal ever again.

“Fuck, Zhongli- I can’t do this,” A string of saliva connected the two of them as Ajax pushed himself away from Zhongli. Almost as if they were never meant to part. His face had a gorgeous hint of pink across his cheeks, kiss-bitten lips plumper than usual. If Ajax didn’t leave now, he never would.

“Childe?” He heard the confusion in the other man’s voice, but Ajax had already turned to leave.

“I’m sorry, I just- I can’t… ”

He tried to leave Tianqiu Valley as quickly as possible despite his tattered emotional and physical state. Ajax heard Zhongli call after him again but it didn’t matter. He had already made up his mind.

He was already gone.

Chapter Text

Six thousand years is a long time to be alive. Too long, he sometimes thought. In these six millennia, Zhongli accrued a considerable amount of wisdom, a smattering of knowledge on more topics than most mortals could count, and enough memories to account for all the friends he laid to rest.

For all his mastery of crafts- from alternative medicine throughout the centuries to the intricacies of Inazuman lacquerware- he could not claim to understand mortals. Not completely, anyway. The earliest years of his existence were a struggle for survival and power; he took only a dragon-qilin form before ascending to Celestia preceding the Archon War. Even as he adorned a human body to lead his nation in battle, Zhongli could not grasp what comprised the mortal drive.

Guizhong, the late Goddess of Dust, teased him incessantly on this matter. Throughout their many centuries as co-rulers of early Liyue, she always seemed to have greater cognizance of the emotions and desires of mortals.

“These are weak and frail creatures. I do not see the value in becoming involved with their personal affairs.”

Guizhong had just returned from a nearby village in what would later be known as Luhua Pool. She often fraternized with mortals; Morax suspected she had taken a human lover but he did not ask. He was unconcerned with these foolish proclivities of his fellow goddess. She cherished her people in a way that was unfamiliar to the God of Geo; perhaps her jests regarding his “heart of stone” were of some merit.

Guizhong sighed, eyeing him with gentle exasperation. “Morax, dear, I do believe we have this conversation several times each week. Mortals hold value because they are weak. They laugh and cry and love and mourn with a passion that holds potential for incredible things.”

“They make rash, emotional decisions. It is because their lives are so brief. Their actions are rarely wise.”

Guizhong sat on one of the stone benches at their base camp in Guili Plains, smoothing her silk gown underneath her. Her pale, ashen hair fell unbound over her back. The air around her shimmered as though particles of dust trailed behind her. She lifted a finger to her lips as she leaned elegantly on the table.

“Hmm… yes, humans do make rather unwise decisions quite often. They fight with fervor and make mistakes that serve selfish intentions. But this is the beauty of their existence. Mortals make so much of their fleeting lives, all striving to have an impact on this world before they are ushered out of it.”

He gazed at her rather petulantly. She smiled, something warm and knowing. “I hope that someday, Morax, you will see them the same way that they see each other.”

Three thousand and seven hundred years have passed since Guizhong’s death. Zhongli could still feel her blood on his hands as she gifted him the memory of dust. A challenge to him, she claimed; the entirety of her knowledge at his fingertips if only he could open the device. He would never hear her speak the solution. She passed moments later in a field of wild glaze lilies, the chaos of war continuing uninterrupted as she let out her last breath.

He missed her terribly, always. Zhongli learned what it meant to mourn; he wept for the first time in his life at the site of her grave. 

But recently, he longed for her presence for reasons other than just companionship. He desperately needed her wisdom, her expertise on the wildly confusing matters of the heart. 

He thought that he was as close to understanding mortal emotions as he’d ever been. He felt joy at trivial matters, such as eating one of Xiangling’s delicious dishes or strolling through the harbor on a clear night. He was moved by Yun Jin’s masterful interpretations of Liyue’s history and myth through her beautiful operas. He grieved when he buried those he knew since they were children, time inevitably turning their bodies old and gray. But now, at this moment, he felt as though he never learned anything at all.

Childe’s arrival in Liyue completely wrecked all of his previous conceptions about mortal feelings. He had accounted for the arrival of the Tsaritsa’s Vanguard in his planning; he expected cruelty and arrogance. He was equipped to tolerate the man’s presence during the preparation stages of his final contract.

He was certainly not prepared for the young Snezhnayan soldier that greeted him with warm smiles and bright laughter.

“You are the Snezhnayan diplomat, Tartaglia, I presume? The Qixing informed me of your arrival. I am Zhongli, I’ll act as your cultural guide throughout your stay. Welcome to Liyue.”

The man in front of him was striking. Fiery red hair adorned a mirthful face littered with freckles. He had a scar along the underside of his strong jaw that drew the eye as his gaze moved down to his torso, landing briefly on the sliver of the man’s abdomen that could be seen through his unbuttoned uniform jacket. His most captivating feature by far, though, was his eyes. They were a shade of blue that didn’t quite exist; no light was reflected in his pupils. The Tsaritsa’s correspondence definitely did not mention the beauty of the Eleventh Harbinger. There was an alluring depth to him, something subtle yet profound.

The man in front of him laughed, a sound that enraptured Zhongli. “Tartaglia is my formal title. Please, call me Childe.” His smile did not dwindle as he reached out his hand. His grip told of great underlying strength, fitting for a warrior. Zhongli felt as though the following year would not be quite as simple as he had initially anticipated.

A year was barely the blink of an eye for someone who had lived as long as Zhongli. But these memories felt ancient compared to the situation he found himself now.

He could not forget the image of Childe writing in pain, electricity fleeing from his body as though attempting to escape. How he subjected himself to this agony for a simple spar. Zhongli was prepared to give him anything, he needed only ask. Perhaps it was this eagerness that allowed him to overlook the warning signs of his condition before the fight.

Childe fought beautifully, captivating despite an occasional off-kilter movement from what Zhongli now realized was a debilitating injury. His skin was marred with the effects of a man-made horror; the power to harness two visions was granted at the eventual expense of one’s life.

He wore the scars without shame. Childe embraced whatever power he could obtain; Zhongli knew this and respected his ceaseless ambition. He could not, however, accept the man’s willful ignorance of his own limits. He would not allow Childe to die from careless negligence of his life.

If anything, the experience only further motivated Zhongli to protect Childe from himself. He would do anything to feel Childe’s soft lips against his own just once more. To run his hands over the warm skin of his back as Zhongli kissed him over and over again. He did not have the words to describe these strange new longings that had taken root in the past few months. Subconscious desires to brush a stray hair from Childe’s face, or to press his hand against the bare skin above Childe’s hip which could always be seen from underneath his uniform.

Despite his many years of life, he was unable to assign meaning to these wants and the accompanying emotions they brought. However, Master Hu Tao seemed to have just the word for him.

This is to say, that he is “moping” in his office, as she so elegantly summarized his current state of affairs.

“Ai-yah Mister Zhongli! Is that the same tea from this morning?” She sticks a ringed finger directly into his teacup. “It’s freezing cold! How very unlike you. What plagues my dear consultant so?”

She flops unceremoniously into one of the two armchairs at the opposite end of his desk. The office was perfectly organized, with mahogany tables and bookshelves meticulously stacked with tomes and relevant paperwork. The only thing unaccounted for is Master Hu’s disruptive presence.

“Ah, Master Hu…” Zhongli pinches the bridge of his nose, smoothing out non-existent stress lines. “I am perfectly fine, thank you for your concern. It seems I was simply lost in thought.” He’d been using that excuse rather frequently as of late.

“Hmm… I don’t believe you! Perhaps a late customer’s family is making unreasonable demands of you? Another person who wants their ashes scattered from the Jade Chamber?” She swung around, resting both elbows on the desk with her fingers interlaced beneath her chin. Master Hu eyed him with a mischievous glint in her eyes and a widening grin to match.

“Or… is this about your little Fatui boy that suspiciously hasn’t visited lately? Your productivity hasn’t increased since you started taking lunches in your office, so I’ll count it as a net loss.”

She was irritatingly perceptive at the most inopportune times. “I’m not sure why you refer to Childe as though you haven’t been acquainted on several occasions. Your camaraderie seems to be quite compatible, much to my misfortune. Do not believe that I’ve forgotten about your stunt with the coffin.”

A few weeks prior, the two of them coordinated a “surprise attack” (Master Hu’s words, of course) where Childe led Zhongli to the embalming room under the guise that a bird somehow flew into the front door, down the hall, and into the back chambers of the funeral parlor. Unsurprisingly, there was no bird. Hu Tao did, however, jump out of a closed casket which promptly fell from its position on the table, knocking over an entire tray of embalming fluid in its wake. The liquid splattered across Zhongli’s coat and ruined the material. The material for which was lovingly hand-tailored only a few days before; a similar instance had soiled his previous coat as well.

They both got quite a laugh from that. Childe was doubled over and red in the face while Hu Tao rolled on the ground, holding her stomach. The sight was honestly so endearing that Zhongli nearly had half a mind to forget his grievances. Nearly.

“Yes, yes, my apologies but that’s beside the point!” Master Hu waved her hand, dismissing his unsuccessful attempt to change the subject. “Something is clearly bothering you and I’d wager a lot of mora on him being the culprit.”

“My issues do not pertain to Childe. Like I said, I was simply-”

“A-ha! So something is bothering you!” She looks a bit too delighted at his admission to seem truly sympathetic toward his woes. “Oh come on, Zhongli. You can tell me! I may not look like much, but I’ve seen a thing or two, you know. Maybe my advice will completely solve all of your problems instantly!” She winked at him playfully.

Zhongli breathes deeply, resigning himself to her obtrusiveness. Hu Tao waited with bated breath, somehow knowing that he would cave to her pestering.

“Very well, then. To be honest, I cannot seem to reconcile myself with the loss of something that seems completely obtainable. Something present and tangible but at the same time… just out of reach.” He hadn’t expected to say as much and surprised himself with his succinct words. 

She narrows her eyes at him, momentarily raising a hand to her chin in thought. Suddenly she sprang out of her seat and turned toward the door. At the last moment, she caught herself on the door frame and looked back with a toothy smile.

“Well, you’ll never catch it if you don’t chase it!” And as if it were truly that simple, she bounces down the hall, away from his office. She yells a moment later, “and take the rest of the day off, please!” 

-

Rain is not a frequent occurrence in Liyue harbor, but this afternoon’s downpour comes heedless of that fact. Dark clouds form a dreary ceiling over the city as merchants scramble to secure their belongings from the storm. Zhongli steps to avoid the murky puddles pooling in the cobblestone roads under the protection of his umbrella.

The city is lively in an oddly isolating way. A stray dog takes cover under one of Third-Round Knockout’s vacated tables; Shitou, the jade peddler, yells after three children in raincoats splashing street water a bit too close to the gem displays for his comfort. Little Fei, Lulu, and Meng, he believes. Childe would often play with the kids at the docks if work was particularly slow that day. Many of the dockyard laborers came to respect the man in a manner typically unfitting of the Fatui’s generally unsavory reputation in Liyue. Zhongli watched with fondness as they wrapped up a game of pirates on a particular evening several weeks prior. Childe ushered the children back toward home with joyful laughter and promises to play again soon.

Zhongli has a spectacular memory but finds himself remembering this exchange with startling clarity. How the golden sunset bathed Childe in glowing warmth, softening his strong features in tandem with the bright smile he wore as he waved the children goodbye.

“I’m not sure this would be most people’s first thought when told to picture a Fatui Harbinger.”

Childe chuckled at his jest, wiping the dust from his hands on the tops of his thighs. He looked refreshed in a way Zhongli had not witnessed in him before. Childe looked so genuinely content in that moment that it struck him as something he could not name but nevertheless significant. The look suited him, and Zhongli wanted to preserve whatever this was for as long as possible.

“I guess you’re right. I have younger siblings back home. Whenever I feel homesick, I play with the kids here. It’s obviously not the same, but I haven’t been able to visit my family for a while now.” Childe looked wistfully out across the open sea, almost as if trying to get a glimpse of Snezhnaya. He mentioned his siblings every so often, especially when buying a battalion of new toys and gifts which his subordinates would ship back to his home country.

“I’m sure it must be quite difficult to be away from your family for such an extended period of time.” Zhongli was not certain of what it means to have a family, but he easily saw the importance Childe assigned to his siblings. “I assume they haven’t visited while you are stationed in Liyue?”

He smiled a bit ruefully. “Ah, no. I try to keep my home and work life separate if I can.” Childe turned back toward Zhongli with fondness. “I bet they’d love to meet you though.”

It was nearly time for their weekly reservation at Liuli Pavillion. He gestured for them to begin walking to the restaurant. “Maybe you’ll have to visit Snezhnaya someday!”

Shaking himself from his thoughts, Zhongli found himself ascending the steps to the Northland Bank. Chase he shall, then.

-

“Mister Zhongli!” Ekaterina greets him excitedly, albeit with a confused expression. “What can I do for you?”

“Hello, Miss Ekaterina. I was wondering if Childe was in today.”

Her face instantly fell. “Oh, um…” She clears her throat and reaches underneath the desk. “You just missed him. He said to give you this if you dropped by.” Zhongli took the white envelope she offered to him with growing concern. They had come to know each other fairly well throughout his frequent visits to the bank. He could discern her gaze as uncharacteristically sympathetic even from behind her mask. 

Ekaterina averts her eyes as Zhongli opens the letter. Childe’s handwriting was messy and hurried, as though he was rushing to get the words on paper.

‘Zhongli-Xiansheng,

I’ve been summoned back to Zapolyarny Palace as of this morning. Sorry I couldn’t say goodbye.

Sorry for everything.

Childe Ajax’

Zhongli looks at the letter until the words began to bleed together. Maybe they would form a new message if he stared at the ink long enough. One that did not cause his heart to constrict and his eyes to burn.

“For what it’s worth,” Ekaterina interjects, seemingly hesitant to intrude as his world fell apart at the measly twenty-two words, “you were good to him. He cared for you much more than he cared for himself. We could all see as much.”

Zhongli nods, unable to conjure even a hint of a smile. He walks toward the door without another word. Taking one breath at a time, trying to maintain his composure.

-

The storm only seemed to worsen in the few moments Zhongli was in the bank. He looks toward the docks, trying to spot any ships leaving the harbor. Maybe he could catch one last glimpse of the man responsible for the crushing feeling in his chest.

Ajax. Ajax, Ajax, Ajax.

He wanted to see the name form on his lips, hear it from his throat. Zhongli longed for the look of vulnerability he would wear, whispering his own name like a secret between lovers. For the taste of this hesitant admission on his tongue.

Zhongli realized then that he did not need Guizhong to explain what he felt. This is love. And now, this is heartbreak. 

Though he did not understand at the time, he witnessed the same emotions overtake her as well. When her mortal lover died fighting a war in her name. She wept as he watched with stoic eyes. She spoke hoarsely at the site of his grave, voice wrought with grief.

“You regard me as naive, thinking I should have known this pain would come.” She turned to face him when he remained silent. Her eyes were swollen and red with tears. “But oh, Morax, what a beautiful thing it is to love. One day, you will know. You will know and you will understand that it is a gift to have loved and to have lost anything at all.”

He could not bring himself to mourn the loss of a love not separated by the rift of life and death, but only an ocean between the two of them. He would not reconcile himself to a life without the breadth of these newfound mortal emotions. Daily life had become so much richer in Childe’s- no, Ajax’s - presence. Zhongli could not simply return to his old lonely routines, especially not when the object of his affections was injured and far away. This is something worth fighting for, he knew as much.

Fine. He spotted a single ship crawling away from the harbor on the horizon line, shrouded by haze from the rain. I will continue this chase.

Chapter Text

There are very few constants in Ajax’s life. Each time he moves stations from mission to mission, a piece of him stays behind. He’s used to a solitary life with no friends and no place to truly call home. Maybe at one time, he would have considered his childhood house in Morepesok home, but his parents made it abundantly clear that he was an outsider to their closely-knit family after joining the Fatui. Sure, force him to join the Tsaritsa’s military and then excommunicate him from the only people he ever loved for the same reason. Sounds fair.

The only things he can really count on now are his drive for combat and his own company, the latter for the time being, at least. He rarely turns away from a fight, choosing to face his battles fearlessly.

So when did he become a coward?

Ajax watches the harbor fade into the skyline as the Snezhnayan ship sails swiftly toward his home country. He didn’t exactly lie to Zhongli in his letter (if you could even call the hastily scrawled message as much), he really was summoned back to Zapolyarny Palace. Word had gotten back to Her Majesty that he was gravely injured from the overuse of his delusion and he was sentenced to a check-up with Dottore. Gods have mercy. If the uncontrolled surge of electro energy in his bloodstream didn’t kill him, the serial killer parading around as a “doctor” certainly would.

It seems like Zhongli’s gaze bore into him even now, already several miles away from Liyue and its beloved god. Ajax shivers. He hadn’t exactly meant to leave without so much as a farewell, Zhongli! Sorry for fucking up the only good thing I had going for me! See you never! But Ajax is clearly less courageous than he thought. A fearsome warrior running away from his toughest battle yet. Commendable!

Figuring he’s stewed in his misery for long enough, he retreats to his cabin inside the ship. The sun was beginning to set, bathing the top deck of the ship in golden light. The hues of orange and pink are as beautiful as every Liyuean sunset. It’s for this very reason that Ajax feels a desperate pull to peel his eyes away. Privacy is one of the perks of being a Harbinger and he intends to make full use of this as he licks his wounds in peace.

The marks along his arms seem to pulse and fade along with the pain. He massages the skin of his forearm, watching his veins bloom in purples and blues underneath his pale skin. It might even be lovely in an odd sort of way if his condition wasn’t ravaging his physical and mental health. Ajax resolves himself to at least try to get some sleep on the long journey back to Snezhnaya. The gentle rocking of the waves fills him with a feeling of refreshing calm, seeming to resonate with his hydro vision.

He drifts into a fitful sleep plagued by dreams of molten gold, but he’ll take what rest he can get.

-

Arriving home is always refreshing in a carnal sort of way. No matter how much Ajax dreads whatever awaits him at the Palace or in Morepesok, the harsh cold always wraps him in a comforting embrace. After a year of sweating in Liyue’s eternal summer, the sting of freezing air in his lungs is reliable and welcoming. He changed into his winter uniform before disembarking the ship; the furs lining his coat are soft against his face and neck. A fresh flurry of snow tints his nose and ears with a red flush, adding to the inferno of his orange hair.

Zapolyarny Palace is about an hour by carriage ride from the Eastern ports. Morepesok is much closer to the docks from which he just arrived, but Her Majesty waits for no one. Fatui agents flank him on all sides as if anyone would be stupid enough to threaten the Eleventh Harbinger in his homeland. The escort is mostly devoid of conversation, giving him ample opportunity to mentally prepare for his arrival. As he inches slowly toward the Palace, he feels a prickle of excitement at the prospect of seeing his goddess again.

The Tsaritsa's reputation is one of ice and indifference. Snezhnayans believe her to be a harsh and unfeeling goddess who focuses solely on a seemingly incomprehensible objective to free Teyvat from a longstanding reign of tyranny. Blizzards pummel the nation as Her Majesty sits in her throne room, cold and unmoving.

But Ajax knows better. The Tsaritsa is the Cryo Archon first and foremost, but she is also the goddess of love. She is gentle to a fault; she forces herself to appear unemotional to achieve her lofty dreams of peace and justice.

Ajax loves the goddess he serves. He pledged his life to her and would go to the ends of the earth to fulfill her whims. She saved him from the horrors of the Abyss by giving him another chance to make something of his life, now motivated by bloodshed and battle. Ajax is her weapon and he intends to perform to the best of his ability.

Zhongli had misinterpreted the Tsaritsa’s intentions to use Ajax. He is not a disposable munition; in her eyes, he is a carefully polished weapon. The bloodstains are gently wiped away but cherished nonetheless, adding to the character of her finest blade. He’s not sure if he blames Zhongli for the insinuation, as she did send Ajax to unwittingly play the role of the fool. But his statement cut deep. The Tsaritsa had certainly done more than the other Archon who used him just the same.

His heartbeat quickens as he strides up the stairs to the Palace. It’s been well over a year since he last spoke to the Tsaritsa face to face. He can’t help the involuntary grin stretching across his frost-kissed cheeks.

The agents manning the giant double doors to the throne room allow him entrance. The Palace is constructed entirely from Her Majesty’s cryo energy; shards of ice decorate each immaculate surface. Every square inch of the room is intricately decorated in patterns resembling microscopic depictions of snowflakes. The light passing through each tiny crystal bathes the room in prisms of rainbow hues, adding to the ethereal feel of the Palace.

But most striking of all is the woman sitting delicately upon a throne of ice so clear that Ajax has to focus his eyes to see the seat holding his goddess. The Tsaritsa is poised elegantly, cascaded in thousands of diamonds adorning her veil and gown. Her eyes are covered by the shimmering lace of her headpiece. She wears a crown of precious jewels; none of the gems have color, but the reflection of sunlight through each crystal paints the headpiece in the entire spectrum of color. Her gown covers her fully, though the material is sheer enough to make out her porcelain arms and chest. 

In awe of her presence, Ajax takes a reverent knee.

“Tartaglia, welcome home, my Eleventh.” Her voice is gentle, like jingling bells. But her tone holds the unwavering confidence of a warrior.

“It’s good to be back, Your Majesty.”

She gestures for him to stand and descends from her throne, calmly walking toward him. His breath hitches as she approaches, placing a hand against his cheek. She is slightly shorter than Ajax, reaching up to touch his face. Her skin is frigid, nails like tiny shards of ice. Her presence is simultaneously soothing and terrifying. She smiles at Ajax, a small upturn of the corners of her pale lips.

The Tsaritsa removes her hand from the tender caress, taking with her the touch of divine power. “You are injured, Tartaglia. Sit and tell me of your woes.” She waves as two stools and a small table manifest from thin air.

Taking a seat, he recounts to her the last of his days in Liyue. His fight with the traveler, the incident with Teucer, and the consequences of overusing his delusion. She takes one of his hands across the table, gently moving her thumb across his blotched skin. The gesture is so similar to how Zhongli touched him just a few days prior that he resists the urge to pull his hand away.

She hums in acknowledgment, sensing his inner conflict. “And what of Morax? It is to my understanding that he has become quite fond of you.”

Ajax hesitates, trying to find the words to describe his turbulent relationship with Zhongli. “Maybe? The complications of overusing my delusion were the worst they’ve ever been during a fight with him.” A wave of shame washes over him at the memory of being electrocuted by his own wayward abilities. He hates for others to see any of his weaknesses, let alone laying paralyzed and choking on his own tongue.

The Tsaritsa frowns slightly, letting go of his hand. His wrist is tinged red from the coldness of her skin. “You mean to tell me that Morax challenged my Eleventh to combat?” Ajax laughs, feeling a bit embarrassed at the truth.

“Haha, no, not at all. I was the one who insisted we spar. He didn’t even injure me. Actually, he helped me come down from the worst of the side effects.” He flushed, still hearing Zhongli’s sweet words and feeling his soft mouth. Ajax would rather not recount that to his goddess.

She clasps her hands together on the table in front of them. “Tell me more of your relationship with the former Geo Archon.” Her gaze is intense despite her covered eyes. Fuck.

“Um, well…” Ajax swallows, feeling incredibly nervous. Could falling in love with another god be considered treason? The Tsaritsa has never personally punished him before, but there’s a first time for everything. The thought of losing yet another Archon causes him to shiver. The Fatui has given his life a new purpose past the constant pull of the abyss. He would be remiss to give that up for a god who threw him away like he was nothing but a used puppet.

“I was introduced to the funeral consultant Zhongli when I got to Liyue. He was meant to be my temporary guide while I got used to everything, I guess. But we spent so much time together, I really started to consider him more as a friend than a business partner. He was really the only person in Liyue that took the time to get to know me. Then I summoned Osial and found out that everything I knew was just a lie. I know it’s part of your divine plan and I’m happy to serve you, of course, but it’s just…” he trails off, not knowing how to express what he feels.

The Tsaritsa does not move, listening with her focus solely on him. He’s sure her eyes see directly through him, which is ironic considering the fact that he can’t see hers at all. She does not say anything when he finishes. He takes a breath, continuing on. 

“Maybe it was naive to think that the god of contracts himself would ever genuinely care for a mortal. One tainted by the abyss, no less. But I got my hopes up, so here we are now.” He shared more than he intended to. Ajax looks at her a bit fearfully, though mostly just relieved to get it over with. There are words left unsaid, but he knows she understands the poorly concealed emotion behind his admission.

She cocks her head almost pitifully. “Your heart yearns for him, Tartaglia. I could sense this as soon as you returned to the Palace. Forget not who I am, after all.” He feels his blood rush to his face, not knowing how to respond to that . Ajax wasn’t expecting to be laid bare in the throne room, fully exposed like a corpse undergoing an autopsy.

“I have known Morax for many centuries. It is a common sentiment among the former gods that he has a ‘heart of stone.’ He was a fearsome conqueror of gods many centuries ago. However, I personally do not believe this, for I know he cares deeply about his people. He relinquished his connection to Celestia because of his love for them.”

She smiled fondly at Ajax and stood, prompting him to do the same. He felt a sharp twinge in his chest; her lips climbed higher this time, a show of genuine adoration for her youngest. “I am placing you on temporary leave due to your injury. Il Dottore will promptly create more treatments for your condition; he claims to have made a breakthrough in his research that allows for more control over one’s delusion. There is no need for you to visit my other Harbingers if you do not wish to do so.” His heart soars at her permission to avoid being prodded and violated in the name of Dottore’s sick experiments. The table and chairs disappear in clear dismissal. 

“What you chose to do with this time is your discretion. Please rest, my Tartaglia.”

His eyes burn slightly. He’s overwhelmed by the Tsaritsa’s words but at the same time, he feels a strange hopefulness. “Of course, Your Majesty. Thank you.”

With one last bow, he exits the throne room. She always leaves him with a gentle reminder of his purpose under her reign. Maybe this would feel oppressive to others, but for Ajax, her words placate him in a way he has not felt since departing from Snezhnaya so long ago.

-

Going home is always more nerve-wracking than going to Zapolyarny Palace. It’s for this very reason that Ajax built a second home just outside the sleepy fishing town of Morepesok. His official Harbinger mansion is in the capital, but he rarely ever stays there for more than a night between missions. If he’s going to be in Snezhnaya, he wants to be close to his family.

But not too close to his family. Ajax’s parents were clearly uncomfortable with prolonged visits, so he typically stays in his cabin near home. It’s out of the way and unguarded which makes for an inconspicuous hiding spot from enemies and the other harbingers alike. He tries to keep his professional and personal life as separate as possible. Which is usually not very separable at all.

He ordered the Fatui escort to stop the carriage about a mile from town. He’d rather walk the rest of the way to avoid disclosing the location of his lodgings to prying eyes. With his minimal luggage and Dottore’s vials of strange liquids that he retrieved before leaving the capital, he made his way inside his long-abandoned cabin. There’s dust covering every surface and no food other than canned preserves in the pantry. He lights a fire for some respite from the cold but otherwise leaves everything as is. 

The cabin is lonely, but it’s served him well. He sits close to the fireplace for a moment to warm his hands. Ajax thinks back Liyue’s cool winter nights, chatting with Zhongli in the other man’s cozy apartment in Chihu Rock. He notoriously hates the cold, wishing to return to his heated abode promptly after completing their evening dinners. The small space was cluttered with an endearing display of the many trinkets and other effects Ajax had gifted to the man’s already sizable collection. The apartment was so unique to the funeral parlor consultant; Ajax had a hard time consolidating Zhongli’s home with the idea of a regal Rex Lapis, poised languidly in lavish temples.

Forcing himself to stop thinking about the man haunting his every waking (and sleeping) moment, he changes from the uniform that he donned to see the Tsaritsa. He would rather his family not see him dressed from head to toe in Fatui regalia. Besides, he needs layers that will still cover his arms when he sheds his coat indoors. He really couldn’t explain the electrifying scars marring his limbs to his siblings, especially since he wants to appear as a human to his parents rather than some abyssal creature thirsty for unlimited, unrestrained power.

He feels a bit bad for suddenly springing this surprise visit on his parents, but he left Liyue so abruptly that he simply didn’t have time to send a letter ahead. It’s not like a warning would make them any happier to see him, though. He only wants to give some gifts to his siblings and then he’ll be out of their hair. It never gets any easier to see the fearful look in his  папа’s eyes but seeing Tonia, Anthon, and Teucer makes the experience worth it every time.

He suspects his мама is slowly coming around to his presence over the past few years. She still seems wary of his dealings with the Fatui, but it’s been a very long time since he left home. He hasn’t mellowed in the slightest; if anything, he’s only become more bloodthirsty as his desires for battle and war have been nursed by missions across Teyvat. But his family doesn’t need to know about his more concerning dispositions. So they don’t.

He worries mostly about his папа who had to bear witness to the worst of his outbursts as a child. They had been inseparable before he’d fallen into the abyss; losing his son to his own mind was surely enough to damage their relationship forever.

Ajax only hopes he’ll be able to see his siblings for at least one night. His injury leave will be excruciating if he’s driven from the house again.

-

He takes a deep breath before knocking on the door of his childhood home. The outside of the house never changes; he still sees the notch in the doorframe from the time when he was ten and tried to bring his папа’s old sword into the house. His мама really gave him hell for that one. Snowmen are wearing old scarves in the front yard, no doubt fresh from the new powder that had just fallen.

The door suddenly swings open as three small bodies slam into his own. A chorus of voices screams “Big brother!” as he hugs them tightly. He staggers a bit under the added weight pressing into his bruised torso, but it’s barely noticeable from the elation at seeing his siblings again.

He laughs, genuine and unrestrained. “Hello, everyone! You all better get back inside before мама finds out you’re outside without coats!” Tonia, Anthon, and Teucer reluctantly head back into the house, dragging Ajax along with them.

“Мама, Ajax is home!” His siblings detach themselves from his side to pilfer through his belongings. Anthon excitedly asks, “did you bring presents? It’s no fair Teucer got to visit you and get a bunch of cool new toys and I had to stay home.” He pouts and looks at him expectantly. He was missing one of his front teeth and had a small scrape on the underside of his chin, most likely from a fall while playing.

Ajax ruffles his fiery red hair, taking the travel bag from his hands. “If I remember correctly, I’m pretty sure I sent him back with gifts for all of you… But you’re in luck! It looks like I might just have some extra things in here I forgot to send.” They all squealed as he began pulling wrapped boxes from the bag.

A mini Mr. Cyclops figure for Teucer (“because the big one isn’t super practical to move around”), a rattle drum and Liyuean snacks for Anthon, and a porcelain doll and ornate hair pins for Tonia. A certain person with an eye for precious stones picked that out for her, but Ajax wasn’t inclined to reminisce about that right now.

While the kids occupy themselves with the new toys, he spots his мама watching from the doorway to the kitchen. She’s wearing an apron over her sweater, a cashmere one from Fontaine that Ajax had gifted her for her birthday last year. Her chestnut hair (a stark contrast from many of her children) was tied up in a loose knot at the top of her head. She wipes flour from her hands and regards him carefully. At first, he fears she’ll return to the kitchen without saying anything, but she smiles at him after a moment. The kind of honest smile you can’t really fake. Maybe he had nothing to worry about after all.

She quickly crosses the room and wraps him in a strong embrace. “Oh my сын, I’m so glad to see you’re well.” He rests his cheek on the top of her head, basking in the feeling of being with his family after so long. “It’s good to be home, мама.”

She pulls back after a while and looks him up and down, checking for injuries no doubt. He chuckles as she removes his coat, throwing it across the couch. “What brings you back home, Ajax? Is everything alright?”

“Ah, it’s a long story. Where’s папа? I brought him more medication for his headaches.”

She sighs, resigning herself to the inevitable conversation when his siblings go to sleep for the night. “He’s away on a hunting trip with your older brother. Your sister was also in town a few days ago but you just missed her.” A timer goes off in the kitchen and she grins at him, “you made it just in time for piroshky, though. Alright, kids! Time for supper!”

-

Dinner was delicious, as always. A hot meal in the dead of Snezhnayan winter is a gift from Celestia itself; nothing was more comforting than his мама’s homemade piroshki and borscht on days when the blizzards were so bad they had to shovel snow from the door just to get outside. 

Ajax played with his siblings for a while after the meal, recounting stories of his own adventures as well as Liyue’s legends. Zhongli is much better at spinning enrapturing tales based on his own experiences, but Ajax could get by just fine on his own. After all, dragons were pretty interesting no matter who was retelling the history.

“Did you get to see the dragon too, big brother? When he came down from the sky?” Tonia stared up at him from the floor, stary eyes wide in fascination. Ajax supposed he did see the exuvia descend from the heavens as he had recounted in the tale. Except that time, the “body” of the “fallen” Rex Lapis didn’t stop as it collided with the ground of Yujing Terrace.

“I did, and it was like nothing I’ve ever seen before. It was beautiful. You’d think that dragons are all scales and sharp horns, but he had a full mane of golden hair that looked like your hands could just glide right through it.” All three of his siblings made noises of fascination at his depiction. The memory was a bit painful, but he’d gladly relive it to see the smiles on their faces.

“I want to go one day too! Big brother, can we visit Liyue?” Anthon jumps on the couch from the ground where they’re all sprawled out, stopping himself right before he slams into Ajax.

“Yeah, I never even got to see Zhongli… jan… shang? janshang? “ Teucer stumbles over the pronunciation of the Liyuean honorific he insisted on using for Zhongli. At first, it was out of respect but quickly became more of a term of endearment. 

“Ah, yes, Zhongli- Xiansheng ,” emphasizing the correct pronunciation. Ajax pictures all of his siblings in the harbor, connecting landmarks they see to his descriptions in the letters he sent back home. He imagines Zhongli’s elaborate stories he’d recount to the kids, simplifying the lofty legends in the way he always did when speaking to children at the harbor. The thought made his heart swell, then promptly sink in his chest.

“Maybe one day. But we’re here now and I have a whole lot of snowball fights to catch up on.” They all laughed, filling him with fondness reserved solely for his family in moments like these.

-

Full of homecooked food and enough stories to last a lifetime, he sends the kids off to bed. “Big brother, please stay… just one more story…” Anthon trails off, sleep threatening to overtake him at any moment. Ajax chuckles softly, “there’s plenty of time for more stories when you wake up. Goodnight, Anthon. And goodnight to you too Teucer.” Tonia had already gone to her bedroom; the other boys shared the room down the hall.

He closes the door gently behind him, heading back downstairs. His мама sits at the dining table reading a book he brought with him from Wanwen Bookhouse. Zhongli had recommended the collection, A String of Pearls , since the main love interest of the series is an adventurer similar to Ajax’s папа when he met his мама. It was incredibly thoughtful. Ajax would rather not think about it at all.

“You’ve made your poor мама wait long enough now, Ajax. What did you get yourself into this time?” Ajax sighs, pulling a chair from underneath the table and slumping down into the worn seat.

“The Tsaritsa put me on injury leave.” She winces, expecting the news but hurting nonetheless. “I used my delusion a few too many times too close together and it led to some unexpected consequences.” That was oversimplifying the matter severely, but he figures she’ll get the message anyway.

“How bad is it?”

He didn’t exactly want to show her the lightning-strike scars littering his forearms, but he doesn’t have much of a choice. He drank the weird elixir from Dottore earlier before he left his cabin; the marks were already starting to fade.

Not enough to soften the blow, though. His мама gasps, pressing featherlight touches to the areas of skin where the marks intersected and showed darkest. Ajax wishes people would stop doing that. “It’s really fine, another Harbinger made some medication that’s supposed to completely fix it.” He doesn’t know if that’s actually true. “It’s already gone down. Don’t worry so much, мама.”

She pulls her hands back, trembling slightly. “Does that mean you’re done with Liyue?”

Ajax groans, putting his head in his hands, “I really don’t know. Maybe. Probably.” His voice was muffled in his palms. As much as he’ll miss the liveliness of the harbor and the life he’d come to know, he couldn’t face Zhongli again. He knows he’s too weak to sustain his desires.  He desperately wants Zhongli; every fiber of Ajax’s being craves the other man.

“Something happened that you’re not telling me, сын. What about the man you always spoke so highly of in your letters? Zhongli, right? I heard Teucer mention him earlier.” Ajax groans again, louder this time.

“I guess we had a falling out. I shouldn’t go back.”

She moves her chair closer to his and places a hand on his arm, rubbing circles into the muscle. She used to be afraid to touch him, as though he would snap at any moment. Look how far they’ve come. 

“You seemed happier when you wrote home in the past few months. Usually, you sound so bleak, like there’s nothing keeping you wherever you’re at other than work. But Ajax, you talked about Liyue like you’ve never been happier.” She pauses, considering her words carefully. “You love him, don’t you?”

There’s really no point in hiding it. Actually, it seems like he was doing a pretty piss poor job of concealing his feelings at all. He resigns himself to being honest with his mother for once. “...Yes.”

His мама laughs gently, “then what on earth is keeping you away?”

“He wasn’t the person I thought he was. He lied to me, I don’t know what was real and what was fake.” He drums his fingers against the table. “It’s just not that simple. The Tsaritsa seems to have an idea, though. Kind of humiliating that she saw right through me, but I don’t think I was hiding it very well anyway.”

She really laughs now, a rich sound filling the room. “I guess she really is the goddess of love after all. Ajax, I’ve never met the man personally, but you spent every waking moment together. I kept all the letters, should I dig them out? You couldn’t go two sentences without mentioning ‘Zhongli said this’ ‘Zhongli told me that’ ‘Zhongli recommends etc., etc.’ Do you really think he would string you along for so long just because… oh I can’t even think of a reason!” She sounds exasperated like he’s too dense to understand something so simple.

Ajax’s cheeks heat with the image of her dredging up all of those letters which were evidently more embarrassing than he thought. “No, please. I’m begging you not to do that.”

She chuckles again at his insistence. “In all seriousness, what you feel is worth fighting for. Your папа gave up his life of wild adventures and travels to stay here and raise a family. I worried for years that I was forcing him to make a decision he’d regret. But сын, I’ll never forget what he told me all those years ago. That his most thrilling journey is the life we made together.” Her eyes wander his face, trying to drill this lesson directly into his head. “Don’t lose what you have over something you can fix.”

He digs his palms into his eyes so hard he sees stars. “I don’t know if it’s that easy, мама.” 

He lifts his head, looking at her again. She smiles at him sympathetically, like he’s missing some quintessential truth of life. “Promise me you’ll at least think about what I said, Ajax.”

“I promise.”

-

He does exactly that. Without his папа at the house, he was free to stay overnight without disturbing the peace of his childhood home. Laying in his old bed, he thinks about everything that brought him to this point. Arriving in Liyue, falling in love with Zhongli the funeral consultant, feeling betrayed by Zhongli the ex-Geo Archon. He remembers their fight, the taste of Zhongli on his tongue, and the stabbing pain when leaving Tianqiu Valley as the object of his desires called after him.

Zhongli made him feel human again. Ajax has been stumbling through life, trying to find pieces of himself after losing so much in the abyss. His family became fearful of the monster he’d become; the Fatui capitalized on his eagerness to acquire more power. His incessant need for bloodshed. With Zhongli, he felt more like Ajax than he had since he emerged from the abyss, broken and scarred. 

And what of him lying about his true identity? He didn’t blame Zhongli for using him to test his nation; he had been sent to ravage the harbor in an attempt to steal Rex Lapis’s gnosis. Maybe it was possible for Zhongli to care about their friendship while it was allowed to last.

Ajax feels like a fucking idiot. In all of this time he spent stewing in his own misery, he hadn’t once considered how Zhongli must feel about everything that happened. If the man really did care about him, Ajax had fucked off and left after a horrifying display of overusing his delusion without a single word about what happened, where he was going, and if he’d be back.

No, this wouldn’t do at all. He’s going to fix things if it kills him.

He runs down the stairs as quietly as he can, pulling on his coat and shoes before sprinting out the door. He hastily scrawled a note to leave on the counter so his family wouldn’t worry about his abrupt disappearance.

‘Something urgent came up. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be back soon. Probably. 

And thanks, Мама.

-A’

The docks were about twenty minutes away from the house. Even with the snowfall, he managed to clear the distance in ten minutes at a full sprint. The freezing wind pelted his face, chilling him to the bone. He couldn’t feel his nose and his fingers were numb even through his gloves. He’d never felt more refreshed in his life.

Ajax rounded the pathway to the docks, covered by trees. The open sea twinkled with moonlight as he stopped before the port.

It was probably pretty stupid of him to just assume that he could board a ship bound for Liyue in the middle of the night with no luggage and no money. His status probably would’ve taken him far enough without the latter, but he supposes he really didn’t think this through before taking off into the night. Does he even want to go back to Liyue? Yes, but what would he do when he got there? It would be an overnight journey and he burned most of his connections with the Qixing. Was he just going to show up on Zhongli’s doorstep? Hey, crazy seeing you here! By the way, before I left I forgot to mention that I’m in love with you!

Sighing, he continued toward the small harbor. He rubbed his hands together and watched his breath form a cloud in front of him. Maybe a walk near the water will clear his head. Maybe he’ll die of hypothermia. Either sounds just fine at this point.

The port was completely clear aside from one boat that seemed to have just docked a moment ago. A few crew members scuttle around the small ship, tethering it to the cleats along the deck. One person seemed to wander a bit aimlessly, looking cold and generally out of place. Ajax doesn’t exactly feel like talking to anyone right now, but it’s not like he has anything better to do.

Walking closer, he notices the person is definitely underdressed. A gentle flurry of snow piles on top of the person’s winter coat, which looks much more suited for warmer climates. Ajax remembers seeing a similar style sold in Liyue harbor on a particularly cold day. What an odd garment for sailing to Snehznaya when the temperature dips toward its coldest months.

The person (a man, Ajax realizes when he walks closer), crosses his arms and looks out across the sea. That’s funny, Zhongli usually stood in that same position when weighing the benefits of one piece of cor lapis against another in the harbor shops. Speaking of cor lapis, he sees the glint of a yellow gemstone like the one Zhongli wears to tie his hair back. Huh, he’s even positioned it in the same spot.

Wait a minute.

“Zhongli?!”

Chapter Text

Upon hearing his name, Zhongli spins to look at him. He’s completely bewildered as if he’s the one surprised to see Ajax in his own home country.

“What…?” Ajax tries to find the words he rehearsed in his head while running here, but he’s unable to say anything at all. Zhongli blinks snow from his eyes and walks closer, almost like he can’t believe Ajax is standing in front of him.

As he begins to close the distance between them, Ajax makes out the rosy hue of his cheeks, kissed by Snezhnaya’s frigid winds. The air is much colder so close to the open sea; Zhongli isn’t so much crossing his arms in contemplation as he is desperately trying to retain body heat. His bottom lip trembles slightly, holding back shivers. His hair is tousled by the wind, snowflakes clinging to each stray piece of hair. He is devastatingly beautiful in the cold embrace of Ajax’s homeland.

“Childe, I didn’t expect to see you here in the middle of the night,” Zhongli says as if he encountered him on a late-night stroll through Liyue harbor. As if he isn’t hundreds of miles from the nation he raised with his bare hands.

“What did you expect?” Ajax rubs his eyes, still not fully understanding Zhongli is, in fact, physically standing in front of him. He seems too real to be a cruel hallucination that his sleep-addled brain conjured just to taunt him. He can see the other man shivering in front of him.

In the most endearing display of humanity Ajax has ever seen from him, Zhongli shrugs. “I found that I was already on the ship before I considered the precise details of my plan.” He opens his mouth as if to say something but closes it again, furrowing his brow. “I also did not anticipate the climate to be so… inhospitable.”

Perhaps his recent lack of sleep and the iciness of the docks is slowing his brain, but he bursts into laughter. It’s so unlike Zhongli to be this spontaneous, this careless. Against his better judgment, he wraps his arms around Zhongli, intertwining his gloved hands behind his waist.

“You mean to tell me you didn’t know Snezhnaya is cold ?” Zhongli slides his hands into Ajax’s half-buttoned coat, leaning into the added warmth.

He pouts at his incredulous tone. “Of course I knew that. However, I seem to have forgotten my disdain for the snow while my sole focus was on finding you.” The gravity of his words slams into Ajax. He dropped everything just to get on a cargo ship bound to arrive in Snezhnaya in the middle of the night just for him? How did he even manage to get on the ship? What was he thinking ?

He presses his face into Zhongli’s neck, inhaling the heady, earthy scent of his cologne. “I’m sorry for just leaving. I didn’t know what to say.” His voice was muffled in the other man’s coat, just above a whisper.

Zhongli removed one of his hands from where they bunched the fabric of Ajax’s sweater beneath his coat, tilting his face upwards for their eyes to meet. He smiled so radiantly, melting all of Ajax’s doubts and worries that he allowed himself to become so entangled in recently. It was all he could do to press his lips gently to Zhongli’s mouth, sharing the warm clouds of breath between them.

The coldness of their skin against each other startled them, both pulling back unintentionally. Ajax huffed a small laugh and leaned back.

“You wouldn’t happen to live nearby, would you? I fear I am not much suited for this weather.”

Ajax grinned. “You’re in luck, you docked just a few minutes away from my cabin.”

-

The walk back would’ve been lovely if it were several degrees warmer. They trudged through the snow arm in arm, desperately trying to reach the house as quickly as possible. The cabin was closer than his family home and he’d rather not give his мама a heart attack by bringing back a man she’d never met before.

The fire in the cabin is reduced to smoldering embers when they finally arrive, not offering much as a heat source. Ajax kicks his boots off in the doorway and rushes to add more wood to the fireplace. Zhongli quickly returns to his side, hands outstretched in desperation to thaw his frozen fingers.

Looking around, Ajax suddenly notices that the other man had no bags. How could you forget luggage on such a long journey? “Please tell me you brought something warmer than the coat you’re wearing.” 

Zhongli sheepishly keeps his gaze on the growing fire in front of them. “Ah… I admit, I was in a bit of a rush when I realized the last ship to Snezhnaya was due to leave so promptly.” His cheeks glowed red from the sudden temperature change and what Ajax suspected was a hint of embarrassment.

He shakes his head in amazement, standing to pilfer through his closet for a change of clothes. “Who are you and what have you done with Zhongli?” He hears a soft chuckle from the living area as he enters the lone bedroom to the right of the fireplace. His cabin is modest considering it gets so little use while he’s away. The bedding is still neatly made on the mattress, exactly as he left it. Maybe the sheets smell a bit stale from sitting unused but it’s certainly better than nothing.

He pulls a set of loungewear from the closet, still adequately stocked from his last visit. Zhongli is nearly the same size as Ajax. Maybe a bit taller, but the pants should be long enough to function for the night.

Zhongli is staying the night. In his home. In Snezhnaya. Where he suddenly appeared with no warning. For no reason other than to chase him down after leaving without saying goodbye.

The realization dawns on him as he reenters the living room. Zhongli rests on both knees in front of the hearth, looking elegant despite his damp clothes and now wet hair after the snow caught between the strands melted. He turns his head towards Ajax in the doorway, offering a smile that makes him feel much warmer than the fire heating the room.

Ajax is struck with a foreign feeling of fulfillment. Here the object of his desires sits in a strange and most likely uncomfortable environment, smiling as if he belongs in this very spot.

Ajax steadies his breathing as he returns to take Zhongli’s coat. He slides it from his shoulders, palms lingering on his dress shirt underneath. He places the garment on the hook near the front door while Zhongli strips from his damp clothes, not bothering to seek privacy while changing. Ajax should avert his eyes but he can’t help how his gaze lingers on the broad planes of his bare chest. The skin is as black as obsidian where his shoulders meet his biceps, golden markings adorning the entirety of his arms. Ajax saw a hint of the designs when they last met, but that felt like years ago. His view now is even more enticing than Zhongli standing with his sleeves cuffed in Tianqiu Valley, waiting for the fight that would drive them apart.

He shamelessly watches as Zhongli undoes his belt and steps out of his usual dress pants. His legs are just as captivating as his strong arms, decorated in that same striking golden-obsidian pattern. The color fades into the same pale skin of his abdomen starting at the inside of his thighs, disappearing under black silk boxers. Ajax flushes when he realizes his stare has lingered for a moment too long and begrudgingly looks away.

“Why are you here?” He asks in gentle astonishment, finally grasping the reality of their situation after watching the man strip almost nude. 

“I’ve lived for a very long time, Childe,” he says, crossing the room. The cabin is warm enough now to leave the radiating heat of the fireplace.

He opens his mouth to say more, but Ajax cuts him off. “I’d rather you call me Ajax. You’re in my home country now, standing in my house, wearing my clothes. I think we’ve crossed that line.”

Zhongli’s eyes light with excitement as if he’s been waiting for those words all his life. “Ajax.” He grins and takes Ajax’s hands, gently pulling his gloves off.

“And in that time, I’ve come to learn a great deal of things. Some more useful than others.” Ajax breathes a silent laugh, all too familiar with the many bits of trivia shared with him during their many months together. “But something always evaded me, something quintessential.”

Zhongli rubbed his palms, watching the blotchy, purple skin fade to white momentarily under his touch. “I understood joy, and sadness, and even grief. My experience walking among mortals has been wonderfully enlightening and I have come cherish these interactions with my people.”

He dropped one of Ajax’s hands, resting his fingers lightly against his waist. Ajax touched Zhongli’s shoulder with his free hand, fingers clutching the fabric of his own sweater on the other man’s body. “But I never fully comprehended what drives mortals to fight for each other, to die for one another. The passion they felt was foreign to me, in that sense.”

Zhongli lifts the hand he still held toward his face, pressing a kiss so delicate to his wrist that it was almost imperceptible. Ajax’s breath speeds as he anticipates what Zhongli is going to say, not feeling prepared in the slightest.

“But then I met you. I found myself seeking your company past what I felt were the accepted parameters of our friendship. I clung to moments when you showed honest sides of yourself; during late dinners after a few too many drinks, while you played with the children at the docks. Watching the sunset from Mt. Tianheng, clearly missing home.” Zhongli moves Ajax’s hand to rest on his shoulder and shifts his own palm to grasp the opposite side of his waist. Ajax cups the back of Zhongli’s neck, feeling the silkiness of his hair between his fingers.

“And that’s when I realized exactly what feeling evaded me until that point,” he tips his head forward so that their foreheads are resting against each other.

“I’m in love with you, Ajax.”

Similarly to the first time Zhongli tried to confess to him, Ajax is completely overcome with emotion. His heart soars and hammers in his chest with a combination of anxiousness and exhilaration. This time is different, though. He isn’t going anywhere now.

For the third time, Ajax closes the distance between them, kissing Zhongli with the weight of his words left unsaid. Their lips met in a passionate connection as potent electricity jolted through him. Not the horrific shock of a manmade delusion, but a completely natural spark reserved solely for the two of them in this moment.

Zhongli sighs as Ajax runs his tongue along the softness of his bottom lip. He explores the crevices of his mouth, savoring the taste of the man who sailed across the ocean for him. Not knowing if he would accept his advances or turn him away to face the cold on his own. Ajax is overwhelmed with happiness at finally obtaining what he tried so hard to deny himself.

Ajax pulls back slightly, just enough for his lips to brush against Zhongli’s. “Gods, Zhongli, I love you too. I’m so sorry for leaving, I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn’t even consider that you might feel the same for me, too.” He moves his hands to hold Zhongli’s jaw before pressing another chaste kiss to his parted mouth.

“It’s funny, I was at the docks because I felt like I needed to see you. Like I couldn’t risk losing you just because I was scared. I don’t know what I was thinking either. I didn’t bring any money or bags or anything. So I guess I shouldn’t laugh at you for doing the same.” He rubs at the soft flesh of Zhongli’s cheek, looking into gorgeous amber eyes. His red eyeliner must’ve gotten smudged sometime between arriving here and now; he looks so perfectly human. “Let’s just start over now. I won’t run this time.”

“I’ll happily oblige that.”

Their lips meet again, full of fervor this time. Their tongues meet eagerly and Zhongli slips his fingers under the hem of Ajax’s shirt. He inhales sharply, leaning into the touch. He trails his lips down Zhongli’s neck, sucking gently as he does.

“Are your injuries healing? The color in your hands seems to be fading.” His voice is breathy and his tone is oddly optimistic. Ajax hums against his throat, scraping his teeth along the surface of his skin.

“Much better, one of the other Harbingers made some breakthrough in his research conveniently enough. I’ve got more weird potions that are supposed to fix me right up.” Ajax trails his fingertips along Zhongli’s upper back, angling his head to kiss his jaw.

Zhongli’s hands crawl upwards and splay against the expanse of his chest. His fingers barely brush one of his nipples, eliciting a surprised gasp. “Do you want this?” Zhongli’s voice is sultry but hesitant.

“Gods, for so long. I’ve wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you.”

Apparently, this was the correct answer because Ajax is promptly lifted from the ground by his thighs, fingers scrambling for purchase as his legs wrap around Zhongli’s waist.

Ajax laughs brightly as he’s carried to the bedroom. “Then you shall have everything your heart desires.”

Zhongli tosses him onto the comforter as if he weighs nothing at all. Ajax removes his sweater as he watches the other man take stock of the sight in front of him. Zhongli crawls on top of him, his knee slotted between Ajax’s thighs as his hands land on either side of the redhead. And oh, gods, does the sight make him weak. Zhongli’s eyes are filled with adoration and lust, his hair falling to frame the sides of his face where he stares at Ajax. The sweater hangs loosely from his shoulders, allowing a spectacular view of his pecs.

“You’re so beautiful.” Zhongli runs his thumb along his cheek as if to map out each of the freckles dotting his face. He presses another kiss to Ajax’s lips. “Touching you is infinitely better than what I had imagined.”

Ajax takes the opportunity to tease him, “oh so you imagined this? How dirty, Xiansheng, the esteemed funeral parlor consultant-”

He was cut off by his own voice hissing at the pressure of Zhongli’s thigh against his groin. He hadn’t realized how hard he was, distracted by the man before him singing sweet praises to him.

“Hmm? I didn’t quite catch that.” He peels off Ajax’s sweater and bites into the flesh of his chest. He can’t help the whine that escapes from his traitorous mouth at the contact he craved for so long.

“Not fair, that’s not this is supposed to-” He’s interrupted yet again when Zhongli swirls his tongue around his nipple, pleasure shooting straight to his cock. Zhongli palms at him through his pants, growing tighter as he clamps down firmly on his skin. His other hand trails absently along the shapes of the receding purple scars littering his arms.

“ Ah , Zhongli please,” he breathes needily, desperate for more. He pulls at the back of Zhongli’s shirt, prompting the other man to toss the garment to the floor. Ajax thinks he’ll never get used to seeing those glowing geo inscriptions.

Zhongli licks down his abdomen, leaving burning points of contact as he moves lower. “Please what?”

“Stop teasing me, for gods’ sakes,” Ajax shoots him what he intends to be a pointed look but most likely reads as plain desperation. Which probably isn’t completely inaccurate. His breath hitches as Zhongli takes to his knees on the floor before him.

He smiles up at Ajax, slightly teasing but unable to conceal the fondness in his gaze. It’s the only warning he gives before shifting Ajax’s pants to free his cock. He moans wantonly as Zhongli moves his hand along his length, thumbing at the tip. He licks a stripe up the side, tracing the veiny surface as if memorizing the shape of his cock.

Ajax is about to get a blowjob from an ancient martial god who left his nation for the first time in likely hundreds of years just to be with him. The same god who happens to be in love with him. The very thought alone is almost enough to make him come.

Zhongli takes his full length into his warm mouth, tongue resting on the underside of his cock. “Fuck, Zhongli,” Ajax groans from where he’s positioned on his elbows, watching the most beautiful person he’s ever seen suck his cock like a man starved. 

Zhongli’s head bobs as he pushes his mouth down further, making a noise of contentment as he reaches the base. Ajax is by no means small; he can feel the tip breaching Zhongli’s tight throat. The man in front of him pulls back, swirling his tongue around the head of his dick. He laps at the slit, drawing a particularly loud moan.

“ Ah, you take me so well, Zhongli, I’m already close-”

He’s cut off when Zhongli abruptly shoves himself down on his length, placing his hands on Ajax’s knees to brace himself. Tears shine at the corners of his eyes at the intrusion. Ajax bucks up into his mouth unwittingly, pushing more of his cock into Zhongli’s throat.

Without warning, he comes in Zhongli’s mouth, spilling his seed down the other man’s esophagus. His hands grip his hair and Ajax’s hips stutter as he shoves in deeper. He doesn’t even process what he’s done until Zhongli groans around his cock. 

“Oh fuck, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to…” He trails off as he watches the other man pull away from his dick, swallowing the entire mouthful of come. Zhongli wipes the small amount that seeped out from his lips onto his finger before licking that clean as well. His hair is a mess and his cheeks are a beautiful shade of crimson. Ajax isn’t sure whether the cause of that is from exertion or his own sexual pleasure but either way, he looks absolutely stunning.

“Holy shit, Zhongli.” He grabs the base of the other man's neck, signaling for him to retake his position on top of Ajax. He’s pretty sure the course of his life just changed in the span of only a few minutes.

“Was that satisfactory? Did I satiate your heart’s desires?” Zhongli smirks above him. His voice is hoarse, adding to his usual huskiness. He wears that smug look beautifully, but they were nowhere near done yet.

Ajax kicks his pants off completely, leaving him fully nude. Locking his calf around Zhongli’s waist, he uses the leverage to flip their positions. He pushes his ass against Zhongli’s hips that he’s straddling, relishing in the stifled moan emitting from the other man’s throat. “Hmm, yes it was definitely satisfactory , but I don’t think I’m quite satiated yet.” He grinds against Zhongli as he captures his lips again. Ajax can taste himself in his mouth, which goes directly to his already-hardening cock.

He licks into Zhongli’s mouth again as a hand massages the cheek of his ass. Zhongli’s other hand grips at his chin, pulling him back slightly. He dips his fingers into Ajax’s mouth, causing him to moan softly against the pressure on his tongue. Zhongli’s stare wanders his face, drinking up every expression to recall later. He asks, seductively somehow, “do you have any oil?”

He removes his fingers from Ajax’s tongue, resting them on his lips instead so he can respond. “No, but I do have this. Give me your hand.” Zhongli questioningly releases his face, holding his palm upwards. Ajax smirks and smoothes a generous amount of hydro energy into his hand.

He marvels at the viscous fluid moving between his fingers as he tilts his wrist. “That is certainly a creative use of a hydro vision.” He laughs, moving to reclaim Zhongli’s mouth beneath him. As their tongues intertwine, Ajax feels Zhongli’s hand come to rest against his ass  at first, then moving to his hole to rub the cool liquid onto his skin. Ajax moans into his mouth as he places more pressure against his rim. His finger slowly pushes in and Ajax whines needily, using his hips to seek more of Zhongli’s fingers.

Ajax reaches between them to grope at Zhongli’s cock through the borrowed pants. “Gods, get these off already.” Zhongli obliges him, using his free hand to toss them to the floor. Ajax makes a sound of surprise between the heady breaths of fucking himself onto Zhongli’s finger. He really does not know how that giant cock is going to fit inside of him. His face must betray as much because Zhongli laughs underneath him, his smile widening beautifully across his cheeks. He so rarely acted in a manner so unrestrained; for whatever reason, this fact alone pooled boiling heat into his lower abdomen. “Don’t worry, we’ll make it fit.”

He throws his head back, moaning like a whore as Zhongli inserts another finger. He begins to scissor them inside of Ajax; the stretch quickly lessening as he wills himself to refrain from begging for more. Remembering himself, he reaches down to stroke Zhongli’s now uncovered cock. Ajax smoothes the bead of precome budding at the tip down his length, eliciting a sharp hiss from the man underneath him. Zhongli adds a third finger alongside the others stretching his rim.

He tries to focus on moving his hand along Zhongli’s dick but the other man angles his fingers just right, unmatched pleasure shooting directly to his cock.

“Ah fuck, please I want you now, I need -” Zhongli brushes against his prostate again as he nearly buckles from the overwhelming feeling. Ajax presses his face into his chest, not even trying to hide the desperate whines involuntarily coming from his mouth.

His head tilts upward as Zhongli’s hand raises his chin to look at him. He presses a sweet, gentle kiss to Ajax’s lips before removing his fingers from his hole. “Ready?”

“Yes, Zhongli, please ,” He feels a line of drool at the corner of his mouth, clearly so fucked out already that he’s unable to retain full awareness.

The tip of Zhongli’s cock presses through his rim, stretching the ring of muscle despite the preparation. The other man’s fingers card through the back of his hair, bringing his head to rest against Zhongli’s own. Ajax slowly sinks lower, trying to get accustomed to the very well-endowed length inside of him.

He loves the look of pure desire on Zhongli’s face as he takes him. Ajax thinks he can do better, though.

Without warning, he pushes himself fully to the base of Zhongli’s cock, his ass resting against his abdomen. “Ajax, fuck- ” he groans, biting into Ajax’s shoulder to keep from bucking upward.

He’s never heard Zhongli curse before. The thick length inside him and the delectable sounds coming from Zhongli’s mouth force him to bite his lip hard, trying to stay his orgasm. Ajax gives himself a moment to compose himself as best he can, breathing steadily.

“Move, Zhongli, fuck me, ” Ajax pleads finally, causing the other man to instantly thrust into him. He tries to start slowly, but Ajax fucks his hips back against his dick, chasing every inch of Zhongli’s length.

He moans loudly, not worried about anyone close by hearing the rather embarrassing sounds of a Harbinger being fucked so thoroughly. The tip of his cock pounds into Ajax’s prostate causing stars to dot his vision. “Gods, please, ” he breathes as Zhongli slams his hips upward over and over again.

Zhongli grabs him by the jaw again, his thumb hooking behind his teeth. “The only god you’ll refer to is the one fucking you.” His eyes were darkened with lust and possessiveness. Ajax nearly screams as Zhongli’s other hand wraps around his cock, forcing him to brace himself on Zhongli’s chest as he continued to rut into him. His hips begin to stutter as his pace grows uneven, now stroking Ajax toward his own climax.

Ajax shook his head away from Zhongli’s grip on his jaw and closed the distance again in a sloppy kiss. As soon as their mouths clashed against each other, the pressure in his gut coiled tightly. He comes with a lecherous moan into Zhongli’s mouth, allowing himself to be held up mostly by Zhongli’s grip rather than his own trembling arms. 

Zhongli groans soon after, filling Ajax with the warmth of his come. It seems he spills inside him for minutes, moving slowly to milk himself to completion. Ajax collapses against his chest, Zhongli’s cock still sitting inside of him.

“Who knew that the illustrious Wangsheng Funeral Parlor consultant was so good in bed?”

Zhongli huffed a laugh underneath him, holding his head to his chest, fingers carded through his hair. “You now, I suppose.” He shifts to pull out but stops when Ajax lifts his head.

“Not yet.” His cock stirs again as Zhongli shifts inside of him. “I don’t want this to end yet.”

Zhongli kisses him sweetly, cupping his cheek as he slowly licks into his mouth. They stay like that for a few moments before Ajax is abruptly flipped onto his back, Zhongli now towering over him. His length remains situated in Ajax’s hole, already hard again.

Zhongli pushes into him again as he slowly reintroduces Ajax to his languid thrusts. “You’re gorgeous, Ajax. You’re doing so well for me.” He inhales a shaky breath at the praise, closing his eyes to savor every piece of Zhongli he’s offered.

Zhongli leans in close, lips brushing against his ear. “You’re taking me so well, love.” His breath is hot on Ajax’s cheek as he picks up the pace of his hips, pushing against the backs of Ajax’s thighs. 

Ajax is overestimated and completely full, in the literal and metaphorical sense. Not only is he full of Zhongli’s length and seed, but his heart is also content in a way that’s totally foreign to him. He’s slept around before, taking partners to bed in service of their own selfish desires; never has Ajax had someone make love to him like this, though. That’s the only way he can describe it. As Zhongli continues to drag his cock in and out of his hole, it’s the only phrase that repeats in his head.

Making love. Making love. He loves me. I love him.

His breath hitches and he hiccups, suddenly trying to hold back tears. At the same time, Zhongli presses into that same spot, causing all of his defenses to melt away. He lays himself completely bare, now openly crying into his lover’s shoulder as his hands hold onto Zhongli’s back for dear life.

Zhongli kisses away his tears and rocks him back as he slides deeper inside of him. His pace picks up again, fucking him through the most intense sex he imagines he’ll ever have. His hand wraps around Ajax’s cock, coaxing him to the peak of another climax.

“I love you, Ajax.”

He cries a broken moan as he spills onto his stomach and across Zhongli’s chest. The tears will not stop as he sobs through his orgasm. Before he can focus on how overstimulated he is, Zhongli chases his own climax, pushing more come into Ajax. He feels so full that he’s not surprised to feel a small bulge in his abdomen.

They lay silently for a moment as Zhongli wipes his free-flowing tears with the pad of his thumb. When Zhongli removes himself from Ajax’s abused rim, he feels a steady stream of come leak from his hole. The only time the sheets were soiled tonight, he thinks absently.

“Are you alright?” Zhongli hold his face gently with tired concern. He’s not sure if his lover is feeling the effects of the long boat ride to Snezhnaya or if Ajax actually caused an ex-Archon to exert himself to this point, but he figures it doesn’t matter either way. There’s only one logical conclusion to the night, anyway.

“Ah, yes, sorry. I’m just so happy, I guess. I was really scared I fucked this up for both of us.” Zhongli smiles at him, using his discarded pants to wipe the sticky mess from between Ajax’s legs. That should probably be at least a bit humiliating, but he finds he really doesn’t care.

“Nonsense,” Zhongli gives a quick kiss to the space between his eyes before looking in the closet to retrieve a clean blanket. “I didn’t intend to let you run off without ample reason.”

He lays next to Ajax after discarding the soiled comforter underneath him. He caresses his cheek again, wiping away the drying tear tracks. “I’ve experienced enough loss to know when something especially rare is worth keeping. What is an ocean to someone who is all too familiar with the separation of death?” He presses a kiss against the tip of Ajax’s nose. “I would very much like to stay by your side, if you are amenable to that.”

Ajax laughs softly, feeling incredibly endeared to the man who dropped everything for him. He nestled closer toward Zhongli’s chest, closing his eyes in the safety of his embrace.

“I am very amenable to that.”

Tonight, Ajax believes he’ll finally sleep restfully. Wrapped in the arms of Zhongli (who loves him, by the way), how could he not?

Chapter Text

Gods have no inherent need to sleep. Though, Zhongli finds the experience to be rejuvenating and a convenient way to occupy his time while the mortal world rests as well. It’s more utilitarian than something he partakes in for leisure, but sleeping is more beneficial to him than not.

At least, that’s how he felt before waking up to Ajax nestled between his arms. The warmth radiating from the body he holds is comforting in a way that Zhongli is certain he’s never before experienced. Ajax’s chest rises and falls gently, a constant reminder that the man before him is still alive and present before him.

Ajax’s auburn lashes flutter open under Zhongli’s gaze. The sun is just beginning to rise, a gorgeous pinkish gold illuminating his soft features.

“Good morning,” Ajax smiles lazily, taking in the sight before him.

“Hello, my love.” Zhongli presses a gentle kiss to the tip of his nose as Ajax sighs in response. This contentedness suits him wonderfully— he looks at Zhongli with the most unguarded version of himself.

Until he suddenly shoots out of bed, that is.

“Oh, shit! I totally just left all my siblings without warning. I have to go back to the house, I promised Anton I would tell him another story when he woke up…”

Ajax hurriedly rummages through his closet, throwing articles of clothing onto the bed. He’s still nude; the morning chill permeates the house, causing scarred and kiss-bitten skin to pebble under its cold touch.

Zhongli watches in amusement from the warmth of the bed, still holding as much body heat as possible beneath the comforter. “Does your family live close by?”

Ajax smiles after putting together outfits for both of them. “Yes! The house is a ten-minute walk from here, give or take. Oh, Zhongli, they’re going to love you. Мама was just telling me last night-“

He cuts himself off, stilling with one leg in his pants. He looks hesitantly towards Zhongli, seeming to remember some dreadful unknown factor in his plan.

“Um, actually, maybe that was presumptuous on my part. You don’t have to meet them if you’re not comfortable with it? We did just get here, after all-“

Zhongli laughs, interrupting his spiraling train of thought. “Of course. You’ve spoken so much about them already that I feel as though we have already been acquainted.”

The sheer adoration in Ajax’s eyes is enough for Zhongli to decide that he will bring down Celestia itself if it means he could be on the receiving end of that expression again.

“Okay then let’s go, I want to get back before the kids wake up!” After getting the remainder of his pants on, Ajax excitedly pulls him from his cocoon of warmth by the wrist. Groaning, Zhongli reaches for the many layers of clothing he’ll no doubt require before stepping back into Snezhnaya’s hostile climate.

“So the rumors that Rex Lapis is cold blooded really are true, huh?” Ajax grins at him and Zhongli is struck by how much he’s missed the other’s mirthful taunts in the time they had spent apart.

He pulls a well-loved, dark brown sweater over Zhongli’s head, allowing his hands to linger on his chest while smoothing down the fabric. “You jest, but perhaps you are correct. I do not thrive in such unfavorable conditions.” He places a kiss on Ajax’s forehead before being prompted to further dress himself.

He basks in the affection so generously given to him. “If you’re quick enough, we can make it back to the house before Мама serves breakfast.”

-

Despite practically running to his family’s home, he hesitates before entering.

“Well now that we’re here, I’m kind of nervous.”

He reaches out to assure Ajax but jolts as the door flies open.

“Ajax! I was worried something happened, what…?” A frantic brunette woman freezes, looking like a startled deer when she catches sight of Zhongli. Her hands are covered in flour and her unruly pieces of hair stick out of the knot atop her head.

Ajax looks between the two sheepishly. “Long story, Мама, let’s go inside.”

The home is cozy, for lack of a better word. It’s modest, especially knowing the number of people that reside here, but the worn rug in the entryway and Liyuen toys littered around the living area make the environment feel welcoming. Though, Zhongli very much feels out of his element.

They shed their coats and shoes, leaving them by the door on the coat rack. The woman, Ajax’s mother, he presumes, stares expectantly at her son.

“Мама, I’d like for you to meet Zhongli-Xiansheng.” She turns toward him, slack-jawed and at a loss for words.

“It’s lovely to meet you. Ajax has told me so many wonderful things about his family.” Zhongli smiles warmly, despite the simmering nervousness in his chest. As Rex Lapis, he would have never been able to comprehend such a feeling as this in any situation at all, let alone one so seemingly trivial.

She nods at him, still overcoming her shock. “Ah- yes, Zhongli, please do make yourself at- OH!”

Ajax’s mother sniffs and promptly runs to the kitchen, exclaiming that something is burning along the way. Ajax laughs, trailing after her. The sun is beginning to rise in earnest now— the rays turn the fresh morning snow into a blinding expanse of white. He takes in as much of his foreign surroundings as he can before following the two into the kitchen. He has no family of his own; his Adepti would constitute something close to the concept, but their dynamic feels much less structured than a traditional mortal family.

“... I didn’t expect you to bring him now! And you never told me how gorgeous he is-“

“Мама! Please I can’t-“

“Hush, hush! You’re in luck, I made plenty of food for everyone. I made your favorite blinis in hopes you’d be back this morning.”

Ajax’s mother ceases their whispering when he enters. “Zhongli, have you ever tried Snezhnayan food? I would hope I raised my son well enough to have the courtesy to prepare food for his companions in Liyue, but I never know with this one.” She squints at Ajax from her peripheral as Zhongli chuckles.

“Yes, of course. Ajax has prepared a number of dishes on multiple occasions. His culinary skills are impressive, I am sure you have taught him well.” Ajax’s cheeks stain red at his mother’s good-natured smirk.

“I like this one, Ajax.” He looks a bit put out by his mother’s taunting but otherwise exudes relief. At that moment, hurried footsteps bound down the stairs to the right of the kitchen.

“Brother Ajax is home, I bet Мама made blinis! I want mine with-“

Three children come to an abrupt halt in the doorway when they catch sight of Zhongli. He must be quite the spectacle today.

“Woah… big brother, is that Mr. Zhongli?!” The smallest child with nearly identical features as Ajax marvels at Zhongli, eyes quickly flitting over his person. The girl behind the first blushes and hides behind her mother; the other child is still mainly fixated on the freshly made blinis.

“Well good morning to you all as well!” Ajax smiles at the children, looking absolutely radiant in his family home. “Yes, this is Mr. Zhongli. Zhongli, this is Teucer,” he points at the child that spoke, “Tonia,” gesturing to the one behind his mother, “and Anton,” whose attention remains fixed on the food.

“It’s very nice to meet you all. Ajax has told me many stories about his siblings.”

Teucer beams at him. “Yeah! Big brother talks about you all the time too, in his letters he always-“

Ajax’s nervous laughter interrupts Teucer’s blunt admission. “Alright, who’s hungry?”

-

“Have you seen any dragons, Mr. Zhongli? Ajax always tells us stories about the dragons in Liyue!” Anton excitedly questions him with a mouthful of food. The thin pancakes are delightfully flavorful with some of the spread being sweet and others savory. There is also sausage, kielbasa as he was told, and freshly brewed coffee. The meal was made with such expertise and care that Zhongli revels in the experience of sharing this with Ajax.

“Ah, yes, I have seen a dragon or two in my time. I believe Liyuen dragons are much different from those from Snezhnayan tales. Your dragons tend to resemble mythic beasts slain by brave adventurers. Eastern ones are widely revered by their people, imparting wisdom and generosity upon those who seek it. Also, dragons in Liyue tend not to be as covetous as those in your home country.”

Ajax snickers, muttering a quiet “debatable” under his breath. “Zhongli is much more well-versed in stories from Liyue than I am. Perhaps if you ask nicely, he might even feel generous enough to tell you some of his own.” He levels Zhongli with a knowing gaze, clearly teasing him in front of Ajax’s family.

“Ooh, yes please! Big brother is so good at telling stories, but I wanna know more about the gods and the scary monsters!” Teucer sighs, starry-eyed and thrilled at the prospect of new ideas.

He chuckles at the shameless begging from the children— their good mood is infectious. “Of course, I would be remiss to deny such a request.”

“Kids, if you’re done with breakfast, why don’t you straighten the kitchen? The adults need to talk for a little while.” Ajax’s mother stands, placing a hand on Zhongli’s shoulder as she moves behind him.

The children groan but are quickly silenced by their mother’s stern glare. “If you make a fuss, there’s plenty more chores to be done around here.” At this, all three quickly jump from the table to begin clearing away the dishes.

The smile he’s worn since arriving is seeming to become more permanent. Watching Ajax interact with his family gives Zhongli a rare, precious glimpse at this side of the man that he’d never before seen. He’s torn from his musings when Ajax gently pulls at his arm, gesturing for them to follow his mother into the living space.

A fire burns brightly in the large fireplace, providing a welcoming haven from the frigid cold just outside the window. Zhongli takes a seat next to Ajax on the well-loved couch, cushions dipping low from their added weight. Ajax’s mother situates herself on the armchair across from them— her legs are tucked under her as she sips on her coffee.

“So,” she begins, a bit unsure. “What happened?”

He glances at Ajax who’s already looking at him. How can they even begin to answer that?

“Well,” Ajax says, “it’s kind of complicated.” He pauses, considering his next words. “Or, actually, I guess it’s not that complicated? I thought about what you said last night. I decided I should probably go back to Liyue, but funnily enough, I ran into Zhongli on the way out.”

His mother blinked. “You were going to go back to Liyue in the middle of the night? Without telling me?”

“Ahah, but I didn’t so there’s no need to get worked up, right?” Ajax tries to smother the rising panic. Zhongli has no idea what he could add to this conversation, so he simply watches.

“Fine, you know what? Fine. I don’t even want to know.” His mother sighs, turning her attention to Zhongli.

“I feel like I’ve heard a lot about you from Ajax’s letters.” Ajax whines at the implication but she continues regardless, “But at the same time, I don’t recall any personal details. Ajax mentioned that you work at a funeral parlor? Is that code for something to do with the Fatui?” Her tone grows a bit accusatory at the last line, but she seems genuine in her line of questioning.

“I do work at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor as a consultant. I tend to the traditional funerary processes required after the passing of an Adeptus. As you may imagine, these events are fortunately few and far between. Otherwise, I work as any ordinary consultant. I did meet Ajax through business dealings, but these arrangements took place between my place of employment and the Northland Bank rather than the Fatui itself.”

Placated by his succinct answer, she presses on. “Are you from Liyue? Do you have family there?”

Ah, it seems as if the line of inquiry may become increasingly challenging from here. He clears his throat. “Yes, I am from Liyue. I do not have family there, however.”

“What do you mean?” Puzzled, she focuses intently on Zhongli. “What about your parents? You don’t have any siblings?”

Ajax places a hand on his forearm, gently reassuring him. “Мама, it’s a bit hard to explain. What is this, an interrogation? Haha...” He graciously grants Zhongli a way out of the inevitable explanation, an unsaid “you don’t have to tell her if you’re not comfortable with it” in his gaze.

Zhongli glances around the room before speaking. Ajax has endured so many hardships concerning his family as it stands. The relationship between himself and his parents seems to be freshly mended, still unsteady. Zhongli wouldn’t dream of furthering the divide between his love and his family.

“I’m sure I had something akin to parents at some point in the past, but I do not remember.”

Ajax’s mother balks. “Don’t remember? How old are you?”

“Hmm… over six millennia, but I’ve long since stopped counting each day that passes.”

The color drains from her face, leaving her pale and taken aback. “Ajax…”

“You were the one that asked! I tried to warn you!” Ajax splutters, trying once again to quell his mother’s rising panic.

Surprisingly enough, she regains her composure quite quickly. “I meant what I said.” She faces Ajax, elaborating on a conversation that Zhongli was evidently not privy to. “You seem so much more content, so much more… alive. I’m happy that you’re happy, сын.”

Ajax blinks, processing the words he likely doubted he would ever hear again. “Мама please, you can’t just say that…” His eyes look glassy, a beautiful rosy hue crawling up his neck. Zhongli does not doubt that his expression fully betrays his adoration for the man sitting next to him. He places a hand on Ajax’s thigh, rubbing circles into the area just above his knee.

“But don’t think you’re off the hook!” His mother turns on Zhongli, her tone starkly different from the one used to address her son only a moment before. “I don’t care if you’re an Adeptus or… Goddess Tsaritsa almighty please have mercy on me… something else, you are just as susceptible to a mother’s scorn!”

The earlier tension melts away. Zhongli laughs earnestly, pleased with the acceptance of his unstated identity and his now-secured place in the household. “Absolutely, I would have it no other way.”

-

After the nervousness of the morning was effectively dispelled through elaborately woven retellings of Liyue’s history and mythology, evening fell suddenly upon the household. The children were full from an afternoon of steadily consuming snacks and stories; Ajax’s mother seemed placated by the discussion earlier in the day.

Despite his disdain for the cold weather, Zhongli steps outside for a moment of reprieve. He did not often interact with young children— his age may allow for centuries of wisdom and experience, but he worries that he never gained much skill in entertaining those unable to grasp the nuances of his admittedly long-winded lectures.

Seeming to sense his inner turmoil, Ajax appears behind him with two cups of tea.

“I get the feeling they might love you more than they love me,” Ajax chuckles, handing him the mug of steaming tea. The manner of consumption is inelegant and untraditional at best, but it’s for this reason that Zhongli finds the experience all the more appealing. His time as a mortal thus far has introduced to him the value of the unconventional.

“Please. As if I could dream of comparing to their darling ‘big brother.’”

Huffing a silent laugh, Ajax links his arm through his own. They huddle together under the guise of sharing heat, though it is a flimsy, unspoken excuse to be as close to the other as possible after months of pining.

“It’s cold and I doubt there’s enough room for us to stay the night. We should probably think about heading back to the cabin.” Ajax sips his tea, frowning at the cold temperature. He dumps the liquid over the banister and gestures for Zhongli to follow him back inside.

“Just a moment.” He feels a distinct, chilling presence beckoning him to the border of the woods nearby. The blanket of impending darkness cannot conceal her intense gaze. “There is something I must attend to for a moment.”

Ajax shrugs and retreats to the comforting warmth of his family home. “Suit yourself, I’ll be waiting inside.”

Zhongli makes his way to the tree line nearby. The snow isn’t quite deep enough to pose an obstacle, but the boots Ajax loaned him are tight around his feet.

“Morax. It has been some time since our previous acquaintance.”

The Tsaritsa stands before him, her ethereal regalia on full display. The diamonds of her gown catch the retreating hues of the evening sky, but she carefully diminishes her presence so as not to make herself known to the village nearby.

“Yes, I felt that I was due a visit to Snezhnaya. I believe over three centuries have passed since my last appearance.” He sniffs, eyes lazily taking in their surroundings. The streets of Morepesok have long since been abandoned for the evening; chimneys emit steady streams of smoke and windows flicker hues of yellow from the hearths burning within. “I fear it has gotten colder in my time away.”

She hums a dainty sound that hides her deceptive strength. “It is rather unusual for the former Geo Archon to make such a spontaneous appearance in my nation with no prior announcement.” The veil hides her eyes but her gaze does not stray from Zhongli.

“In the family home of my Eleventh Harbinger, no less.”

He sighs, dreading the inevitable conversation. “We have grown rather close in the duratiation of his stay in Liyue.”

“Yes, it seems as such.” She smiles gently, the slight uptick of her lips an unexpected gesture. “I said the same to him when he visited Zapolyarny Palace— I am the Cryo Archon first and foremost but forget not my other title.”

She continues in response to his silence. “I make no secret of my favor towards my youngest. He is my finely honed weapon of war, my prized Vanguard; however, I would never deprive him of desires well within my power to grant.”

“I am glad you have discovered this facet of the mortal realm, Morax. It is an unfortunate yet common misconception that gods, or any beings, are incapable of love.”

He blinks, left speechless at her sincerity. Her mission to topple the tyrannical reign of Celestia blinded him to the true nature of the goddess before him. Despite the Fatui’s cruelty to obtain its goal at all costs, the Tsaritsa still retains some degree of herself from before the Cataclysm nearly five hundred years before.

“Ah, that’s… very well, then. Thank you for your understanding.” The heat in his face burns against the freezing air around Zhongli. This is rather embarrassing for someone of his stature and experience.

She laughs, a delicate noise in the stillness of the evening. “You have my blessing, not that you would have heeded my word regardless.”

Regaining himself, he processes the implication of her words. “It was good to see you again.”

“You as well, Morax.”

The air starkly drops in temperature, leaving the snow where she stood devoid of any indication she had visited. Ajax was right— it is rather cold.

Deciding to act on desires laying latent inside his subconscious for longer than he realized, he returns home. His plans are officially in motion for the next phase of the journey of his mortal life.

-

The next few days were spent in a timeless sort of tranquility.

Snezhnaya’s typical oppressive winter blizzards seemed to lighten to a lovely snowfall; still frigid, but comforting in a way that is foreign to Zhongli. Whereas he once dreaded any excursion away from Liyue’s year-round temperate weather, he truly has been enjoying the fields of white leading to the freezing, inky sea.

Zhongli experiences a nostalgia most certainly stolen from Ajax. Despite having no memories even remotely related to his beloved’s childhood in his home country, Zhongli delights in the welcoming scents of home-cooked food and the enveloping warmth of hand-knitted blankets draping each couch and chair of the house.

Their days are spent entertaining Ajax’s siblings, chatting with his mother about any number of mildly to moderately invasive topics, and taking walks around the ports. The fishermen haul massive creatures from the ocean— each fish would be sufficient to feed a large family for a week.

At night, the two return to the cabin, falling into each other’s embrace. Ajax is soft and gentle where Zhongli may have previously expected haste and roughness. Heat is generated from the steady burning of the fire as much as it emits from the connection of their bodies throughout the night; lips touch skin, sparks emitted at each searing point of contact.

Ajax’s condition has rapidly improved since the incident in Tianqiu Valley. The marks adorning his hands have faded considerably thanks to the concoctions from the Second Harbinger. There have been no flare-ups in the time they have been in Snezhnaya and the trembling in his hands is mostly negligible.

“I want to take you to the next town over. There’s a night market in the wintertime when the weather permits,” Ajax smiles at him, hands intertwined as they walk past the cabin. “It’s a pretty short walk and I want you to see it before the sun sets completely.”

They bask in the silent comfort of each other’s presence as Ajax guides him to the new location. It’s difficult to put into words how these past three days have profoundly changed the way that Zhongli sees not only the mortal experience in general, but Ajax himself as well.

He wears layers of common clothes, effortlessly blending in with the other residents of his hometown. Ajax elected to leave his delusion at the cabin, not wanting to attract attention to his status as a Harbinger from those who remember the blemishes of his childhood all too clearly.

Ajax hasn’t told him much about the exact details of his experience in the early days of his Fatui training, but Zhongli will be more than prepared to listen when Ajax feels he is ready to share.

“I know you haven’t picked up any knickknacks since you’ve been here, so I figured I would indulge your shopping addiction while we’re still here.” Ajax pulls him from his thoughts, knocking his shoulder lightly.

Zhongli frowns. “I have no such collection of ‘knickknacks’ nor am I addicted to shopping. I simply appreciate the many pieces of cultural artisanship across Teyvat.”

Ajax laughs, “Don’t worry, Xiansheng. I’m more than happy to provide for your hoarding.”

Zhongli rolls his eyes but is unable to suppress his growing smile as Ajax doubles over in laughter.

They soon come upon the night market, street lights illuminating the freshly powdered pathway to the entrance. The area is a large expanse of wooden booths peddling a colorful array of goods, all covered by a thatch roof. Pyro energy gently pulses from bulbous fixtures attached to the banisters to create a pleasant shopping experience for guests.

They peruse the merchant stalls at a leisurely pace as Ajax explains the significance of each item that catches his eye. Keeping in mind Ajax’s earlier jab at his “shopping addiction,” he chooses only a small number of purchases. Zhongli selects an assortment of merengue-like fruit pastries and tea jam (originally he considered the addition of preserves to tea as nearly sacrilegious, but the combination was surprisingly delicious) for the family. He selects a simple Ghzel teacup for himself to commemorate the journey.

Of course, he has to rely on Ajax’s mora due to his negligence while packing for his impromptu expedition. But the other man seems perfectly content to oblige.

“You’ll never remember your wallet if I keep spoiling you like this…” Ajax mutters but surrenders his mora without hesitation.

Satisfied with their purchases, the two venture towards the empty beach. The strip of land is a far cry from the brilliant white sands and crystal-clear waters of Liyue; the earth is speckled with dark rocks and waves batter the receding shoreline. The sun only just sank below the horizon line as pinks began to fade to deep blues.

There is a small pier leading slightly into the freezing waters with small, twinkling lights weaving between the railing of the dock. The covered deck at the end of the walkway is a circular, gazebo-like structure with another heating device illuminating the small area, reminiscent of a chandelier. The slight warmth cascades across his face, providing a brief respite from the evening’s plummeting chill.

Ajax places his elbows on the banister, closing his eyes to inhale the sharp sea breeze.

“I feel like I’m going to wake up from this dream at any moment now. You’ll be gone and I’ll be back in the Fatui barracks like none of this ever happened.” Ajax sighs, not moving from his relaxed position.

“Why do you say that?”

Ajax looks up at him, cocking his head to the side as though he’s studying every inch of Zhongli’s face.

“You’re so good with them. My family, I mean. Teucer looks at you like he’s known you his whole life. And my mother… I just…” he trails off, gazing back out towards the sea.

“I love you so much it scares me. It terrifies me to have something so incredible. I don’t want to ruin this like I have every other good thing in my life.”

It’s always been difficult to hear Ajax demean himself, even before they crossed the threshold between business partners and friends.

Zhongli’s gloved hand cups Ajax’s cheek, bringing the other man to face him. “If only you could view what I see when I look at you. A strong warrior with the potential to usurp the gods,” Zhongli wipes a snowflake from his freckled cheek, “a confident man brave enough to allow his past to shape him, not to define him.”

“A doting son and sibling that places his family far above himself.”

Zhongli kisses him, softly pressing his lips against Ajax’s own. “A beautiful lover, unafraid to mend the tears in our relationship.”

Ajax looks at him with wide, glassy eyes and parted lips. This vulnerability is reserved only for Zhongli in this moment between the two of them.

The small box in his coat seems to burn against his thigh. Now is as good a time as any, he supposes.

“Ajax, will you-“

“We should get married.”

Ajax’s hands fly to his mouth as his face pales.

“Oh gods I can’t believe I said that, we just started seeing each other romantically-“ he winces at Zhongli, who stands in open-mouthed shock. “Please don’t look at me like that! I’m so sorry, what did you expect when you say things like that-“

Zhongli laughs a loud and unrestrained noise. Ajax looks at him in horrified confusion; his brow furrows from humiliation and surprise.

He removes the small box from his pocket. The entire piece is constructed from mineral and geo energy. Intricate designs pulse golden light in the dimness of the evening.

Zhongli opens the box, revealing two matching bands. One is a golden ring with a ruby embedded into its face. The other has an identical shape, only with a silver band and a bright piece of cut cor lapis adorning the outer side.

“I suppose it is your turn to surprise me. Perhaps my stunt in the harbor was enough for one trip.”

Ajax gapes, the color quickly returning to his full cheeks. “You’re- what? Are you sure?”

Zhongli chuckles again, “I think it should be I who asks if you are sure.”

He quickly embraces Zhongli, pulling him into a passionate kiss. He clutches the box at the sudden intrusion but fervently returns the affection with all the words left unsaid.

“Zhongli… of course I’ll marry you.”

Ajax beams as Zhongli removes his glove, sliding the perfectly fitted silver ring onto his left hand. Ajax does the same for him, securing the gold band onto Zhongli’s obsidian finger.

They admire the set for only a moment, quickly pulling their gloves back on as the cold metal makes painful contact with their skin.

“Hmm… I wonder what the Tsaritsa will say. It’s not too late for her to have me executed for high treason.” Ajax laughs, but the smile melts away in an instant.

“I don’t even know how long my leave is in effect. Do you think I can go back to Liyue?”

Zhongli scoffs, “I think the Tsaritsa would be no less than thrilled at this recent development. It was her that encouraged me to propose, after all.”

Ajax laughs again, burying his face in Zhongli’s coat. They simply stand there, basking in the intimacy of the moment.

“I love you, Ajax. More than you know.”

He places a lingering kiss on the sliver of Zhongli’s neck left exposed.

“And I love you too, Zhongli.”

Each second that passes should be objectively inconsequential to such an ancient being as Zhongli. But as he takes in the warmth of his fiancée wrapped around him…

He doesn’t mind the irony of a centuries-old god praying for this moment to stretch on just a little bit longer.