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“I’m worried,” is said so casually, but it doesn’t blunt the way it drops like a bomb in the middle of this building. As expected of someone who can control gravity, creating black holes that suck the life out of the vicinity seems to be part of his usual job description.
Everyone in the room stiffens upon his words. Similar thoughts run through the onlookers’ minds, to the vein of: “Port Mafia’s strongest fighter, the one who can subdue not only enemies, but also a certain suicidal person’s double suicide songs and flirtatious ways—this man also knows how to be worried?!”
Someone who doesn’t even balk against summoned gods, against a decade of nonsense from his partner—what kind of problem does he have that would prompt him to sigh during his wedding day?!
As expected of someone who has learned how to be strong—and more importantly, has great regeneration abilities, so he can withstand attacks even to his braincells—Atsushi clears his throat and ventures, “Um, why are you worried, Chuuya-san?”
While this is a wedding between two members of opposing factions, most people have chosen to mill around Chuuya’s lounge. Mostly because Verlaine and Kouyou are busy talking with Dazai in his designated room, and nobody wants to have to witness such an… interesting conversation.
As such, there’s a mix of people in this area, all harboring various thoughts of dismay and awe at Atsushi’s courage.
“That shitty mackerel looks so handsome today,” is said with utmost conviction, even though he shouldn’t have seen Dazai yet.
The two have been convinced by their respective bosses to do the tradition of not seeing each other until the time they’re in front of the priest and altar. Less about the actual spirit of the tradition and more because the two of them being cramped together in the same room for an extended amount of time can only spell disaster: marriage or no marriage.
There’s the great danger of the two fighting with either their fists, or worse: with using their hands to tear off each other’s clothes.
Atsushi clears his throat. “And that’s worrying…?”
With a truly worrying look on his face, Chuuya says, “He looks so handsome, so there would be a lot of ladies who’d flirt with him.”
There are various thoughts that run through the onlookers’ minds at this line too. It’s a lot less unified, with some thinking “I am not masochistic enough to want to flirt with Dazai” and some “Oh, so these two have these kinds of worries too”.
Atsushi tries hard to use logic on this emotional matter. “Everyone here knows that he’s about to get married to you soon, so I’m sure nobody would try to flirt with him, Chuuya-san.”
Unfortunately, the fact that they’re marrying each other even while still making daily attempts on each other’s lives—it’s just proof that they’ve evolved to be impervious to anything resembling logic.
This means that the attempt at placation causes Chuuya to twitch, expression brewing into a storm. “Ha? So you’re saying that he isn’t handsome enough to be flirted with?!”
Before anyone can suspect that he’s somehow managed to get himself drunk prior to his wedding, he’s continuing on with his words.
“I’m the one who designed his suit! I spent big bucks to have several professional stylists work on him today!! Are you saying that he’s still managed to not look so dashing he could break others’ common sense!!!”
Atsushi looks dismayed, like he’s trying to recuperate the braincells that have perished from this strange concern, and discovering that the tiger’s regeneration has failed him. He also looks a bit betrayed, like he’s really not expecting that someone who has calmly handled all of the wedding preparations to be hiding such a weird thought process.
After all, Dazai has prepared for this particular wedding by forcing the Agency to marathon several wedding dramas with him, all while taking notes from the antagonists who are desperately trying to ruin everything. On top of that, there’s his natural personality of wanting to cause so much headaches to his partner.
It’s no secret that Dazai has tried to cause at least two explosions daily during the preparation for this one, sabotaging everything that can be sabotaged. All while clinging like a limpet to his soon-to-be life partner, smirking smugly like a cat whenever his plans go off without a hitch.
Throughout all of this, Chuuya has remained unmoved and unbothered. He’s taken it all like he’s expected nothing less chaotic, and has simply shelled out more money to fix the destruction Dazai has caused. Then, he continues on to discuss things with their suppliers after hanging Dazai from the ceiling like some fishy bandaged chandelier.
…Anyway, the point is, it’s a shock to see someone who’s that well-versed in handling crazy matters act crazy himself too.
Fortunately, there’s someone nearby who’s very well-versed in weird brain circuits.
“Don’t worry, chibikko,” Dazai waltzes into the lounge and doesn’t seem to care that he sends the crowd rushing away. “Even if someone flirts with me, you’re still the one I want to kill the most.”
It’s a line that would cause any other recipient to be full of worry. Fortunately, these two are so fitting together that it only makes Chuuya huff in satisfaction.
The two of them rush towards each other. While they look like they’re excited to embrace each other after a painfully long separation over the past two hours, their hands prove that their excitement is for something else.
They exchange several gunshots. Synchronization is perfect between them, so the bullets that they shoot meet each other point-blank, ending up as destroyed bullet shells all over the floor. Once they both run out of bullets, they move on to throwing daggers at each other, but the result is also a stalemate.
Simultaneously, “You are so annoying.”
Also simultaneously, a deep sigh like they really can’t believe their bad luck of meeting such an enemy, and then they try to climb each other right then and there.
…Needless to say, the wedding both happens and doesn’t happen.
They exchange vows and rings, but they don’t manage to it in front of the officiator and definitely not in front of their guests.
Once they’re done with their own private wedding, the lounge is in tatters, and the professionally-styled pair are covered in scratches, kiss marks and some bits of blood. There’s lots of other body fluids too, but they’ve chosen white this time for damage mitigation.
“…We failed to have a wedding again,” Dazai says in the aftermath, chuckling as they both lie down on the most solid remaining part of the floor.
“It’s your fault for provoking me,” Chuuya fires back and bites Dazai’s collarbone. “Let’s try another one next month.”
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“The coupons I got as their wedding gift is about to be expired,” Atsushi complains from the next building. After all, this is the twenty-fifth wedding for those two, and they keep on getting cancelled because they can’t help themselves.
Life as a wedding guest for soukoku is truly too full of worries.
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