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Pain
Fire
The screams of a galaxy
Was this a vision?
Had he lived this?
It did not matter
This cannot happen
Not this much anguish
All that death
Not this deep loneliness in his heart
Obi-Wan Kenobi opened his eyes, his quarters in the Jedi temple warped by the multitude of tears he could feel running down his face.
Had he cried the whole time?
All those feelings were still inside him, his mind changed or maybe just brought back to a time before...
His bones ached from the cold of despair, his hands trembled from the shock of grief.
How could this all happen?
How could he let it happen?
He always had a bad feeling about politicians, or maybe just the bad ones...
Never Bail, or Padme...
Sweet Padme who did not deserve this at all.
Her death was just one of the many things that made his nails dig in his shaking fists.
And Anakin...
the horror that hit him made him lean off the couch he had woken up on and heave up what he had in his stomach.
The boy he loved had hurt him more than anyone ever had, more than he thought anyone could ever hurt him.
But the worst of the pain was not what they had done to each other, but what his padawan had done to himself.
And Obi-wan still loved him, he loved him so much, and hated himself for loving someone who could become such a monster.
But not this time right?
Could he stop it all?
He stumbled on his feet and fell back down on the floor, the acrid smell of puke reaching his nostrils.
His legs were shaking and trying to stop the tears through his heaving breaths was a struggle.
There was so much life around him, the Jedi temple as it once was, it assaulted his inflamed senses and brought a new wave of nausea.
How pathetic, a Jedi master who could not even get up, could not help his own padawan, who could not see a sith standing in front of him.
A noise outside the door shook him from his vertigo of thoughts.
Anakin was calling him.
Obi-wan's breath did not shake anymore.
He could not breathe.
Feeling Anakin's signature so clean and bright after all that horror was almost too much.
Everything felt wrong and at the same time right.
This voice so far away from what he had just seen... lived?
-Obi-wan! Obi-wan open the door! Sithspit what happened?!
Can you hear me?-
Anakin sounded scared, panicked even, had he run here?
He should not worry, everything would be alright, a new determination was setting in Obi-Wan's bones.
This Anakin he could help, this Anakin he would save, because hearing him near made him so painfully happy.
With this thought, Obi-wan could start breathing again while Anakin still banged on the door.
-I felt your screams through the bond!
It was as if... if...
It almost shattered... I...-
Poor Anakin, so scared, but everything would be alright.
Obi-wan tried to clear his face of the tears while getting up on trembling legs.
-It's ok Anakin! I'm fine I....-
-Obi-wan thank the force! I thought you were dying! I could not feel you any more!
You screamed in the force and then suddenly you weren't there anymore, what in the sith hells happened?! Can you please open the kriffing door!?-
Obi-wan managed to stand up leaning on the wall.
-I'm sorry I must have... I woke up from a... nightmare... and must have closed off my shields too much-
He had learned to close himself off completely on Tatooine, shielding himself and little Luke...
Luke, would he still be born if he changed things? Or was it a vision? It felt so real...
-Well kark Obi-wan never do that again, you kriffing scared me.
Since when do you have nightmares? And open the damn... Obi-wan... have you... did you cry?-
It was almost a miracle that he had managed to open the door, but the need to see his padawan was stronger than the ache in his body.
Those eyes were so full of emotion, somehow it seemed like ages since he saw them, yesterday like a different life.
These eyes, eyes so blue you could never mistake them for any other colour.
-Obi-wan you're crying again! And smiling at the same time! What the hell is going on!? What are you doing?-
The need to hug him was so strong that his arms had moved by themselves.
Oh how much he loved him, and while this should have made him feel ashamed or afraid it only made the trembles fade, and warmth grow in his chest.
His voice muffled by his padawan's shoulder he could only whisper his revelation.
-I love you so much-
Strong hands grabbed his shoulders and pushed him far enough so that shocked eyes could stare at him like he was a stranger, someone crazy.
Maybe he was crazy, crazy old Ben, crazy Jedi, crazy all of them denying this, how could love make it worse? Even if it was an attachment it could help.
Suddenly he knew what to do, nobody would have to know, only his burden to bear.
He did not leave Anakin time to speak, putting a hand on his cheek and looking at him with no masks to hide what he felt.
-Listen to me Anakin, I have to tell you this because I can, because I could not before, I hope you will understand. If I get rid of him everything will be alright...
-What? Him who Obi-wan what...-
-Listen to me, please-
Maybe it was all those emotions never seen in his master's eyes, but Anakin did shut up, all his questions not worth the interruption of this moment of truth, of emotion, of attachment.
-I will have to kill him, and I know he is your friend but he is a sith and he probably manipulated you all these years-
Obi-wan felt stronger with each word he uttered, finally honest, finally true to himself.
The warmth in his chest grew.
What was this, this emotion running through his veins, anger?
-Forgive me for never seeing that, please forgive me for all that I have done and for what I will do. I was afraid of being wrong, I was afraid that all I believed in was wrong.
But I know what to do now and I don't care if it is the right thing for them because it's the right thing for me.-
No, it was not anger, but its burning and its power are making him strong when he was weak.
-The Jedi are not for you Anakin, I already knew that but it took you turning to the dark side and years in the desert to finally be able to admit it to myself.
I did not want to lose you and I was afraid that if you saw who I really was you would despise me, pathetic master Obi-wan Kenobi so desperate for love, for approval, for stability-
Was he falling to the dark side too? It could not be, it felt right, it felt pure.
-We cannot be so arrogant to think that the chosen one has to be one of us, I found out after all that the Jedi are just one of many temporary things.-
-Obi-wan your eyes...-
It felt light and bright, like the whole force flowing through him and lighting him up from the inside.
-Listen. You must live this life and be happy, be with Padme, do not hide, and love your children. Do not deny this thing to yourself as I did only because I was scared.
I loved them so much, I hope it was enough.-
Burning energy was lighting him up from the centre of his chest where he could feel the knot of this feeling.
Anakin was looking at him full of confusion.
-What?! Wh-
-Sleep now-
Oh... it was... love.
He never knew it could feel so powerful.
If not for this power maybe the sleep suggestion would have not taken, or maybe all those years on Tatooine had paid off, if they were even real.
He laid Anakin on the couch where he had woken minutes ago and looked at him one more time.
The feeling on his chest pulsed with his selfish affection for him and for the whole galaxy that had never deserved all that pain.
How could something that makes you feel so full be wrong?
The trip to the senate was a blur, the steady clarity of what he had to do keeping him going.
The guards fell asleep even faster than Anakin.
He opened the doors with a flick of his wrist.
Palpatine did not even have the time to finish his surprised greetings that his head was rolling on the floor.
Peace, finally.
And the lights burned out.