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Changbin felt as though his lungs were about to give out. He could feel the way they pumped aggressively, trying their hardest to collect as much oxygen as they could before releasing and doing the process all over again. He could feel the way his legs burned from all of the running, it only showing that he was indeed getting older. And he could feel frustration deep within him start to boil, it completely displayed all over his body language. A blank face, slouched shoulders, hands that began to ball into fists and tighten around the tiny black coat he carried. If he dared go on for even a second longer then he just might explode with anger; and that's something he much rather not do so early in the morning, or with someone he adored with his entire being. So instead he pinched the bridge of his nose, heaving a heavy sigh as if it would help any of the stress he constantly placed upon himself. Fortunately it had worked and he was now stable enough to seek out the cause of his painful headache. Luckily it hadn't been hard when he could hear pitched giggles, along with the sight of chunky snow boots sticking out from the bottom of maroon curtains.
The hiding spot had been such a given when seeing the thin fabric constantly move along with the giddy squirming of a child behind it. Changbin couldn't help but allow a grin to tug at his face. It was cute—witnessing his six year old believe that they were truly invisible. It made the male with onyx colored hair heart swell. While he knew that children were a huge responsibility (at times making him want to rip his hair out), there were still the other moments where he couldn't help but think parenthood was beautiful. Hearing their laughs; watching their smiles; seeing them grow. It was heartwarming and heartbreaking all at once. Because while he knew that they were young now, eventually they'll become adults and not need him anymore. Changbin refuses to think about the future though. He doesn't try to picture what his kids may look like twenty years from now; or how they'll be perusing their own lives outside of his. He much rather stay trapped within his little family bubble for as long as possible.
"Nayeon baby," Changbin inched closer to the curtains, arms gently waving the black coat he still carried. "You have to hurry or else you'll be late for school" And if he mumbled the word again, it wasn't anyone's business but his and the little girl's designated teacher. His hoaxing had done no justice because the child stayed hidden. She did give a little peak, jolting away when seeing her father staring back. She squealed and clutched on tightly to the curtain. "Don't pull on the curtain please, it's going to fall on you. Come and put your coat on."
"You gotta find me daddy!" A squeaky voice had been his reply.
"Nayeon I already have. You're behind the curtains. Now let's go, you're going to be late" Changbin found it to be valid for getting irritated all over again. He won't lie and say that his daughter wasn't hard to handle—because she was. She had a personality so big that it was extremely hard to contain with simple orders. She generally took everything as a fun game; only truly settling when she was met with her father's rather intimidating stare. "I'm not going to ask again-" Now there was crying . Changbin raked a hand through his dark hair, whispering curses to himself.
Having been gifted two children, not only did the father have to watch over a six year old, but a nine month old baby. Their age gap was more on the larger side and it could get a little hectic when they both want separate things. Or it could get even worse when they both choose to want his attention. He begins to freak out and doesn't necessarily know which kid he should attend to first. Typically he goes for the baby—his son Seungmin— and then figures out what Nayeon may have needed him for. But every now and again it's the other way around. This wasn't one of those times. Changbin was quick to turn on the balls of his feet and stride his way over to a machine meant to rock the baby asleep. It was stationed within the living room not too far away from the edge of the grey sectional couch. And of course like he expected there lay Seungmin. His tiny form squirmed every which way, tears falling from the corners of his eyes as he too sobbed loudly. Changbin didn't hesitate to retrieve his complaining child. He took a seat on the edge of the sofa, placing Nayeon's coat beside him before using both hands to lift his son.
Instantly Seungmin quit his screams the second he had been lifted. With the help of a pacifier being shoved into his mouth and the comfort of his father's arms engulfing him, the tiny child was soothed. Changbin smiled at the silence, placing multiple kisses to his son's squishy cheek. He was even caught saying sweet things in his best attempt at a baby voice. Maybe Nayeon was just being dramatic, self-centered (typical for someone her age) but she felt left out. Her only parent forgot about her, focusing solely on the little boy he showered in endless amounts of love. A deep frown fell upon her lips as she watched her father give Seungmin a peck against his temple. She kept herself from whining by sulking quietly. Moving from behind the curtain she quietly made her way over until she was standing only a foot away. She pouted, fingers fiddling with themselves as she stood there.
"Oh finally," Changbin breathed the words as he glanced at his daughter. Not even seconds later he was using one hand to reach for her coat, motioning that she still needed to put it on. "Here, slip your arms in. We're definitely going to be late now" Nayeon didn't disobey, didn't try to run away. She gave a nod before putting the clothing on all by herself. And she still didn't say a word when she struggled to zip it up; just standing there and awaiting the assistance of her father. "And where's Felix? He was supposed to be here an hour ago?"
Standing from his spot on the couch (Seungmin still within his hold) he tried to think of where he left his phone. After patting all of his pockets and coming up empty he began to search counters and tables. He felt dumb for misplacing such a serious object.
"Daddy, I need help with the zipper" It took a minute but eventually Nayeon spoke up. She had been trailing Changbin the entire time, fingers holding the ends of her coat where she couldn't quite connect them.
"Okay bun, give daddy one moment—where did I put my pho-"
"I'm here! Sorry for being late'' It had been the one person Changbin was just talking about. Lee Felix, an Australian with a smile so bright it could give the sun a run for its money. The male with honey skin walked over after shutting the front door close behind him. He giggled to himself when accidentally bumping into an end table, tiny hands trying their hardest when it came to making sure nothing fell off the wooden furniture. The blonde then stood still for a few seconds as if trying to recalibrate his balance. Totally not suspicious. Changbin rolled his eyes as a new wave of annoyance swept over him. He knew exactly why Felix was acting the way he was and honestly the older male was growing fed up with such careless behavior.
"Lixie!" Nayeon squealed. The frown that once stained her face had been wiped away, a huge cheeky smile taking its place instead. She didn't wait another second when it came to running into the blonde's arms and he didn't wait to bend to her level and give her a tight hug. Only they had separated moments later when the child had let go with a scrunched nose. "You smell funny again. And why are you wearing sunglasses? You're inside dummy" She snickered as she tried to reach for the accessory that sat on the bridge of Felix's nose. She hadn't succeeded though when he had been much quicker and managed to crane his neck away.
"Woah there sunshine," Felix chuckled as he stood up straight again. He gave the little girl a lopsided grin as she stared back curiously. "I can't take them off right now. My um...my eyes hurt from watching too much tv last night. And I don't smell! Your nose is just being weird" He crossed his arms as if challenging her.
"My nose is no-"
"Nayeon" It had been said by her father. His tone was low, demanding and enough to make her turn and face him without another word. "Please go and sit with your brother. I need to talk with Felix really quick, okay?" She didn't dare refuse. She much rather keep her cartoon privileges for later tonight. So with a silent head nod she scurried off to where Seungmin had been placed within his car seat. It was on the living room carpet, protecting the baby that lay strapped within it. Nayeon sat criss-cross in front of it, smiling wide when he gargled noises at the sight of her. And Changbin waited until she looked occupied before reopening his apartment door and shoving the young Australian through. There was stumbling and curses thrown, yet the ravenette didn't care.
Actually he just closed the door behind him, buff arms then crossing themselves over his even larger chest. Normally Felix would try his hardest not to stare—or drool—but as of right now (when his brain felt like a jumbled mess, and he was feeling an amazing sense of euphoria) he couldn't help but openly gawk at the large muscles Changbin possessed. Made him want to reach out and touch them. Something he might have actually done if he wasn't being talked to.
" Are you fucking high right now? " The single father spat the words as if they were poison. Felix bit at his lip and his no response had the other growing angry. So angry that he reached and snatched the sunglasses right off the other's face. It was all so fast that the blonde didn't have time to register that he should be protesting. But there's not much he could say. He was caught. Pretty brown eyes that once held a sparkle now dim and tainted a bloody red. Changbin inhaled at the sight, jaw clenching as he released the flow of air. "Of course you are. How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that shit?"
Felix rolled his eyes.
"You said not to do it around your children" He grabbed his sunglasses back. "I did it in the comfort of my own apartment. And last I checked, you have no authority over me."
"If you haven't noticed, you're around my children! God Yongbok, how can you be so dumb!? Who even smokes at eight in the morning!?" Changbin's tone had risen showing his distress. "You were supposed to be here an hour ago, helping me. Instead your lounging around getting fucking high. What is wrong with you?" Now he hadn't said anything too cruel (or at least things the Australian hasn't heard before), but he did come off extremely harsh and it was beginning to hurt the younger's feelings. He had to take it though—not being able to sit down and explain his understandable reasons.
"I don't need to be anywhere" Changbin grew confused at Felix's quiet voice. He stopped his ranting and anxious fidgeting to now stare at the other with furrowed eyebrows. "I don't need to help you with your kids. I don't need to be at your side every time you call. And I most definitely don't have to stop smoking because you don't like it. When I offered to care for Nayeon and Seungmin that one time, I didn't sign up to be their other parent. Neither did I sign up to be your boyfriend, so you can't tell me— a grown man what to do."
It looks as though Changbin grew quiet. He was absolutely speechless; only because Felix was right. He wasn't their other guardian, nor were they dating. He wasn't tied down and forced to always be there for the small family. He chose to. The Australian had full right to do whatever he wanted. So who really was the older to shout at him for smoking marijuana? He wants to blame it on his protective instincts—say that his children might get their hands on it and it causes bad effects later. He wants to blame it on everything that didn't relate to Felix being there. Because if he was completely honest, he didn't want the Australian to go. He didn't want to watch yet another person enter and then exit his life as if he was some random corner store. Weird metaphor Changbin. The ravenette had grown attached to the younger.
"I'm sorry for being late. But I'm not apologizing for what I've done for that to happen" Felix sighs. "I'll drop Nayeon off today and then that's it" Changbin gulped down a clump as he lowered his gaze to the floor beneath his feet. He should have seen this coming. "Clearly what I do makes you uncomfortable and I understand not wanting it around your kids. So whatever agreement we had, let's call it here."
All the older could do was nod. Maybe it was best that they went their separate ways? They obviously want different things; and in order to get it is by leaving one another alone. So they'll just return to being casual neighbors. Two people who live in the same apartment complex, doors literally being right across from one another. It might seem like it'll be hard avoiding one another, but reality is it'll be extremely easy. Their lives never line up. Their schedules are on opposite ends of the spectrum; only having been correlated to perfection due to Felix bending his times. He's always changing things for Changbin. Always maneuvering and shifting his life around in order to fit by the elder's. And as he stands there staring at the ravenette, he realizes he's not going to do it any longer. If Changbin ever wants him back, it'll be him who shifts things.
"No," The older man licks at his lips as he finally returns his gaze back to Felix. The way they stood there with locked eyes was awkward and uneasy. Made what was about to be said a lot harder. "I don't need you to drop her off. Just go back to your apartment and do whatever. I got this" He got ready to turn around and open the door. Only just as the knob had been twisted and the door had been cracked, his bicep was being grabbed.
"Wait, you're not going to let me drop her off?"
Changbin shook Felix's grip off of him and continued on entering his apartment silently. He even slammed the door in the Australian's face. Or that's what would have happened if the younger didn't stop it with a forceful hand. He instead pushed it open and began to stalk his way in with a scowl and heavy steps. His loud entrance had the children provoked and Changbin about ready to pop a vessel within his forehead. Felix wanted to walk out on him not even a minute ago, why must he be so defensive now?
"Felix get out of my house" It was said while collecting a set of car keys from within a porcelain bowl; too, finally spotting his phone under a pile of junk mail. "I already told you that I'm taking Nayeon to school. You're of no use anymore."
"I want to at least say goodbye. You're expecting me to just forget about everything I've ever done for these kids the past four months" It was as if his words were just being said for the fun of it, because Changbin hadn't spared him a glance. The single father kept his attention on gathering any belongings he may need—which consisted of a diaper bag and finally zipping up his daughter's coat, before shoving a hat on her head and mittens on her tiny hands. He whispered for her to grab her school bag, smiling as best as he could when watching her look back at him with a frown.
"I'm not telling you to forget anything. Remember whatever you want" After readjusting his son's diaper bag on his shoulder, he grabbed the car seat's plastic handle. Seungmin babbled excitedly from the sudden moment. "But like you've said, all agreements are off. I don't need your pity help. So again, please leave my apartment. I don't want strangers in my house while I drop my kids off—Nayeon come on. We're already super late."
The six year old practically dragged her feet when it came to leaving the apartment. She too was growing upset due to the aggressive spat between both older men; even if she doesn't entirely know what was going on. She was getting the hint that she wasn't going to be able to see Felix anymore and that only worsened her mood. Just like her father she had found a spot in her heart for the Australian and it's going to take more than just separation for her to forget about him. She didn't express any of that though. Just standing in the hall while fiddling with her zipper, she waited for Changbin to guide her towards the building elevator. It was obviously taking longer than expected when the ravenette was trying to lock his door while also being cursed at by Felix.
"Are you serious right now Changbin? At least let me go with you."
"So I have to drop Seungmin off at daycare, bring you back here, and then go to work?" The elder snickered while double checking to see if his apartment was securely closed. "No. It ends here. Go back to your own place and do whatever you normally do" Picking up Seungmin's car seat again (that he temporarily put down a minute ago) he turned his back on the Australian and began his journey down the long hallway. He reached for his daughter's hand in the process and pulled her along; disregarding that he may be moving a little too fast for her tiny legs. But it wasn't like she cared. She was too caught up in staring back at Felix, trying her hardest not to let the tears glossing her eyes fall down her round cheeks. Her bottom lip was pulled out into a pout, trembling lightly. And goodness what a sad sight it was. The blonde man felt as if he was about ready to mimic her facial expression. Yeah, he was the one who proposed to leave the small family behind, but it was hurting a little too much.
Especially when he subconsciously grew attached to them too.
He stomped a foot down in frustration, hands curling into fists as well. He took one last glance at the sad little girl before shoving his way through his own apartment door. It was slammed shut, rattling the building walls and most definitely disturbing the rest of the neighbors that lived on the floor. That is if his shouting hadn't done that already. He mentally prepared himself for the complaints some of them might attack him with later. For now he'll grip at his faux blonde locks, a low grumble falling from his magenta lips.
"Nayeon, strap yourself in. Can you reach the buckle?" She didn't even make a noise when it came to reaching for the gray seatbelt, little fingers pulling at it until it was restraining her against her flower-issued car-seat. And she tried her hardest when it came to keeping her eyes off her father—too hurt by everything he's done so far to look at him. Changbin tried not to be phased by her cold attitude because he understood. She was old enough to know what he and Felix were arguing about; and he won't force her to get over it. Not now at least. So with a sigh, he refocused his sight on making sure Seungmin was securely in place. Seeing his son eagerly chew at his fist with exasperated sounds temporarily put a smile to his face; him dropping it immediately upon seeing his daughter staring out her window. "I'm sorry bun. I love you."
" You too daddy " Her voice could barely be heard as she kept her focus on the street. Changbin felt his heart squeeze upon noticing a tear stream down her face. Never had he intended to make her this upset. It almost made him want to go back and make amends; compromise. But he was doing what was best for his children. And if that meant keeping a pot-head away from them, it must be done. So he just closed the back car door and got ready to make his way over towards the driver's side. Only as he was reaching the rounding of the hood, he was being halted by a familiar accented voice. One that he's found himself admiring over the past few weeks, wishing to hear constantly. It's why he whipped around, eyes blowing wide as he amazingly stared at the one person he indirectly told to fuck off. It's just now he wore a heavier coat, too having put on a pair of boots that he swears could have been bought from the female section of a clothing store. He's only been outside for a few seconds and his glowing skin was already reddening in the winter weather.
"What are you doing here?"
Felix waited until they stood face to face before even thinking about answering the question. He shoved his hands within his pockets, arms tightening themselves against his body before lifting his shoulders into a nonchalant shrug. He had tossed the idea of continuing on with his sunglasses, so now the evidence of what he's done was for everyone to see; and Changbin was allowed to narrow in on how they gleamed with a new passion. Don't get him wrong, they still were a striking red (and they will be for another hour or so), but with how they also seemed a little puffy he wouldn't be surprised if the younger claimed that he had cried.
"I'm coming with you" There was a groan given. Then there was the mention of not needing or even wanting him here. The ravenette continued on with making his way to the driver's side of the car. An action that had Nayeon drifting her attention from a bird who eagerly pecked at a crushed and empty take-out food box. To say that she was happy to see Felix was an understatement—she was about ready to jump out of her seat and stumble her way over to him. The thought of being scolded by her father kept her grounded though and she was forced to watch them communicate from her spot.
"Felix, go back inside."
"No," He stepped to the passenger side, right hand slipping from it's place in warmth to grab onto the car door handle. The corner of his lips twitched upon seeing it unlocked. And he grew confident when noticing that Changbin wasn't trying to physically stop him. "If this is going to be the last time that I see them, then I'm going to be doing it with style. And if it pains you that much about driving me back home, then don't. I'll just hang around the tattoo parlor while you work. I've been meaning to catch up with Chan anyway" And then he was opening the door, not sparing the other male another glance before ducking his head and getting in. If Changbin's heart jumped at the demanding behavior, he said nothing about it. Just rolled his eyes with a sigh before getting in as well.
"Lixie!" Nayeon couldn't hold back her excitement. A huge smile graced her face as she lightly bounced in her car-seat. It's not like the Australian denied her of her happiness either—stretching his arm back so he was able to reach out and grab hold of her waving hands. With how tight she held on, it seemed as if she didn't want to let go. That's okay, Felix will sit uncomfortably if it means she stayed joyful.
Changbin gave the male beside him a sarcastic chuckle, which honestly sounded more like a scoff before finally starting his car. And as he craned his neck in order to look behind him to reverse, he realized his daughter was right. Felix did smell; and it didn't take the single father long to know it's because of marijuana. It sparked displeasure within him all over again, reminding him of the sole reason why they were even going through their current predicament. But as he was finally on the open road, first destination being an elementary school building, he smelled more. He wanted to say that it was the hanging incense that was wrapped around his front mirror; maybe even the heavy scent of laundry detergent that clung to his clothes. But that was just him being in denial. As Felix shifted for about the third time (claiming that his arm was beginning to cramp and that he really needed to be released from the death hold Nayeon had on him) a tsunami of vanilla bean filled the elder man's nostrils. Such a familiar scent. It always brought Changbin back to the first day they met. When things were nothing but shy smiles and the implication that they could mean more to one another.
It was such a sweet smell. And it might have been able to overpower the weed, that is if it didn't help enhance it instead. The combo of aromas were beginning to have a choke hold on the ravenette. He wished to roll down the windows, but with it being the middle of winter that was a terrible idea. So he just straightened his posture, tongue darting out to lick at his chapped lips and tried not to look as though he was drowning in everything that was the Australian who sat beside him. It's just by the time he parked his black vehicle within the school lot, he had already sunk to the bottom and lost all natural feeling within his body. It's why he hadn't bothered with arguing when it came to Felix stating that he'll bring Nayeon in; the office route for a late slip having been embedded to memory. It gave the single father enough time to mentally flip shit—smacking his hand repeatedly against the steering wheel and curse at himself. He was such a fool for Felix. He's gone soft and it was aggravating.
"What's wrong with me?" It was whispered with fingers continuously raking through his black locks, ruining what might have still been bed head.
Not even five minutes later Felix was yet again taking his designated spot within the passenger seat. He huffed out a large breath, trembling fingers quickly reaching up to wipe at his eyes. He hated to admit that he felt them get wet; glancing at the tiny digits to see that they were housing tears. Gosh, he already regrets what he said. It hasn't even been twenty-four hours and he wants to take everything he's said back. But it was obviously too late. Changbin made up his mind with agreeing and after today their relations were to be broken for good. The Australian eased his breathing in hopes of not falling into an anxiety attack. Right now wasn't the best time. He tried to keep calm by gnawing at his lower lip and tapping his fingers on whatever he could get his hands on. It's just all while it helped soothe him, it was making Changbin irritable.
"Stop doing that" It was mumbled. "You know I find it annoying" Felix didn't waste another second when it came to stopping. He apologized to only subconsciously do it all over again a minute later. Changbin clicked his tongue as he too removed one hand from off the steering wheel, snatching at the much smaller one a few feet away. "I said stop. Do you not listen to me at all?"
At the contact Felix was immediate when it came to whipping his head around. The distraction that was the passing houses, cars and buildings was something in the past when looking at the way the elder kept his hand still. It wasn't necessarily hand holding like they've done a few times before, yet it had the same effect. His stomach bubbled and the apples of his cheeks matched his eyes. The feeling only grew more intense when truly looking at the sight of Changbin driving with one hand. He used just his palm when it came to turning, seconds later gripping at the wheel so he was able to stabilize the car. He looked hot. He could only imagine the sight in the summer; with the ravenette showing his bare arms that were dotted with the occasional tattoo—his muscles.
"You're just using that as an excuse to hold my hand" He giggled when witnessing the other grow flustered. He even attempted to release his grip, but Felix pulled him back. And this time he interlaced their fingers before resting their combined hands within his lap. He played with the silver bracelet that was leisurely wrapped around Changbin's wrist. "It's okay Binnie, if I were you, I would want to hold my hand too."
"So hold your own then" He again tried to remove himself but was retrieved once more. This time with laughter. Such a lovely sound.
"I'm kidding...I'm kidding" Felix reached with his other hand to gently caress Changbin's cheek, it falling to his neck and then finishing with a pat to his firm chest. The other rolled his eyes at the touch, hiding the way his heart began to beat wildly. "I want to hold your hand too baby" So much for hiding anything. It was obvious that he was flustered now. Thankfully Felix said nothing about it though. He instead smiled to himself as he now pulled out his phone to answer a few unread messages.
And whether or not they stayed in such a position until they've reached Seungmin's daycare was no one's business but their own.
"Ah Mr. Seo, here to drop off little Minnie? I would have to say, you're a little later than usual" It was said by a smiling woman Changbin has come to claim as a friend: Choi Jisu. They shared a laugh.
"Yeah well this morning hasn't been all too great" He snuck a glance at Felix. The Australian wasn't phased by the side stare though, too busy eyeing the woman who openly handled Seungmin as if she was the mother. She unstrapped his small body from the car-seat and began to rub her petite nose against his soft cheek. An action that he must have loved because he began to giggle, too reaching out to grip onto her tighter. The sight didn't sit well with the blonde and he had to trail his sight to the many other young children that waddled about in the room playing. A few other women attended to their needs; one with cherry red hair looking shocked when suddenly she was hit in the face with a fist full of graham crackers. "I should get going. Oh and he hasn't been feeling all too well recently, so I packed him medicine. He might resist when it comes to taking it, but if you just put the little syringe in his cheek and do it in one go, he should be fine."
Jisu nodded in understanding.
"Is there a certain amount I should give him?"
"The syringe is marked with numbers. The first line should be enough. So nothing more than one milliliter" Changbin rubbed at his son's head affectionately. As a result Seungmin began to squirm and lean in his father's direction; a sign that he wanted to be held by him instead. It made the ravenette back away, knowing that he can't have his child attached to him right now. He needed to leave.
"Alrighty, see you in a few hours then" There was no hidden meaning behind her words. No seduction that came along with her eye smile. She was just being friendly and doing her job. But Felix felt bile rise within him as he watched their interaction.
"I want to say goodbye first" He blurted before she could turn her back on them. And while she was temporarily startled by his hostile tone, she understood and allowed for Seungmin to be taken from her grasp.
Jisu waited patiently for the Australian to have his moment, while on the contrary Changbin stated that he had to make it quick.
"Ah Seungminnie, I'm going to miss you" Felix said with care, smiling when watching the child grin at the sight of him. "You've gotten so big since I've met you. Keep growing okay? You have no idea what I'm saying. That's okay" He ended his rambles with a kiss to the child's button nose, chuckling along when the tiny baby began to make more of his babbling noises. He didn't want to cry again, but he felt the sting of tears as he gave Seungmin away.
So he saved himself the embarrassment and gave one last farewell before leaving the daycare. He had just finished buckling his seatbelt when he was then accompanied by Changbin. He wiped at his eyes, sniffling back any snot that dared to leak. The ravenette obviously took notice of the other's sorrow yet hadn't bothered to say anything. This is what they both agreed on; argued about in the hallway of their apartment complex.
It was for the best.