Chapter Text
Willow is the first to notice that something is off with Hunter.
Off in a different way than he is usually off, anyway. Being raised in a cult will do that to a person. No, he is acting weird in a way completely separate from all the strain they're under while living in the Noceda household and trying to return to their homes and assure the safety of everyone they love.
Okay, so there is a lot going on. But Willow doesn't think that it's related to that.
She catches him staring at his reflection.
Like. A lot.
It seems that every time he passes a reflective surface his eyes snag on his face and linger there. It wouldn't be that weird, maybe a little funny that someone who seemed to care so little about his appearance would preen so regularly, except for the fact that he's not preening. His eyes always tear away from his reflection like he's looking away from an animal attack, like he doesn't want to look away but is disgusted by what he sees.
It's… concerning.
It comes to a head one night when they're watching a movie. They're different from movies on the Boiling Isles, more reliant on practical effects than magic, but they're fun.
Luz's mom had suggested something called Frankenstein, and Luz had yelped and shot a sideways glance at Hunter, who gave her an odd look.
"What? You used to love that movie!" Luz's mom says, frowning.
"Oh you know, they're not used to this world yet! Don't want them too scared to sleep!" Luz says, speaking a little too fast, moving her hands a little too much. She seems to notice this and tucks her hands into her armpits, laughing weakly.
"...okay." Luz's mom- Camila says, turning away from her daughter and her weird behavior.
They watch Ratatouille.
It's weird, and Willow doesn't really understand it, but she weeps along with everyone else when the rat finally realizes his dream and gets his own restaurant. They watch the credits roll, none of them willing to get up and turn the T.V. off, when Hunter speaks, almost too low to be heard over the piano of the end credits.
"Do you guys ever feel like your body isn't yours?" He asks, squeezing a pillow against his chest.
"What, like you're being controlled?" Amity asks, tilting her head, eyes not leaving the screen, no doubt as enamored by the bright colors as the rest of them.
Willow can understand why he might feel that way, after all, he was being controlled for most of his life.
"No," Hunter says. "Well, yes. That too, but I mean- like you aren't in the right body. Like you were meant to be someone else. Like you don't really… see yourself when you look in the mirror."
There is a long pause, Hunter dips his head. Willow can see the tips of his ears flushing red.
"Nevermind." He says, not meeting any of their eyes.
"Hold on, I feel like we need to unpack that-" Gus tries, but Hunter is already on his feet.
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom." He mumbles, not letting go of the blanket that is draped over his shoulder.
The group looks over at each other, all with varying levels of concern.
"So that's…probably something we should deal with, right?" Amity asks, staring at the bathroom door that Hunter has locked himself behind.
"Probably," Luz sighs. "But it's too late at night for an identity crisis."
The rest of them agree, however hesitantly, and the topic is dropped. When Hunter returns to the living room to gather in the Sleep Pile they've been utilizing since they arrived, they don't say anything about his small outburst.
Willow wakes up in the night, jolting awake from a nightmare. She calms when she remembers where she is, and through her blurry, glasses-less vision she sees Hunter, staring at his reflection in the black glass of the T.V.
"You okay?" Willow whispers, making Hunter jump and whip around, face red.
"Yes!" He says, too quickly for it to be true. Willow hums in disbelief and scoots forward so she's sitting next to him.
"It's not that weird, you know, to feel a disconnect." Willow says. Hunter frowns, and before he can say he doesn't want to talk about it she steamrolls ahead. "Especially with… your childhood, I can imagine it would feel like your body isn't really yours. Or your actions don't belong to you."
Hunter's face crumples and before Willow can apologize for overstepping he has turned his back to her and wrapped his blanket tightly around him. Willow winces, aware she's touched a nerve she hadn't known existed, and returns to her still-warm spot on the Sleep Pile.
"Goodnight," She whispers.
She gets no response.
___________________________
The next day, when Hunter and Vee leave to shadow Luz's mom at her job (he has a thing for animals, who knew.) they all get together to discuss the topic.
"It sounds like dysphoria," Amity says from her seat atop the counter. "The baggy clothes, constantly looking in mirrors, touch aversion- he's acting a lot like Emira did before she came out."
"Emira is trans?" Luz asks, raising her head from where it had laid in her hands.
"Yeah, she and Edric are identical twins,"
"Ohhh, I thought they were fraternal."
"Guys focus," Willow says firmly.
"Right. Staying on track." Luz says with a firm nod.
"But why wouldn't he just tell us?" Gus asks, screwing up his face.
"Oh, guys… he was raised by Belos," Luz says suddenly. There is a beat.
"So?"
"Oh right. Have I- have I seriously not talked about prejudice in the human realm?"
"Not in detail," Amity says, frowning.
"Right so- on Earth you can't have kids with magic like you guys do, and only a biological male and female can have kids- there are workarounds but like, without lab stuff. So there ended up being a lot of people who hated gay couples because they couldn't have kids-" Luz takes in a huge breath. "And one of those groups was Christianity, a lot of who think any sex that's not for procreation is sinful, so on principal disapprove of gay couples."
"What does that-"
" And transgender people get lumped in with gay people a lot because the groups overlapped and supported each other during the push for equal rights."
"You said that… so fast," Gus says.
"Oh that's awful," Willow says frowning.
"I know, but anyway, so if Belos is from colonial America, he's probably a Puritan, who were definitely against pretty much any form of self-expression. I wouldn't be surprised if Hunter didn't even know what transgender means."
"So… what do we do?" Gus asks, screwing up his face. Luz stands from the table, clenching her fist in front of her.
"We're gonna drop hints like we've never dropped hints before."
_____________________________
Amity is the one to start the whole thing. She, apparently, was the only one to have a good segway into the topic.
"You know my older sister is trans," She says at the dinner table, apropos of nothing. Camila looks up, covers her mouth with her hand to hide the fact that she was still chewing, and swallows.
"Oh, that's nice. It's always good to have a supportive family." She says once her mouth is no longer full, a warm smile on her face. Everyone at the table except for Camila and Vee glance at Hunter, who is picking at his food, chin in his hand.
"Yeah, it wasn't really a huge surprise but we all made sure to support her in her decision and help her be more comfortable in her body," Amity says pointedly, staring at Hunter. Maybe a bit too on the nose, but she's never really been one for emotional subtlety.
Camila looks between them and clears her throat.
"Well, if any of you want to be called anything different, just let me know."
"She said the same thing when I cut my own hair in sixth grade." Luz says with a wry smile.
"It was a short haircut!" Camila defends. "I just wanted you to know I'd support you!"
Still, no reaction from Hunter.
Amity frowns, stabbing her fork into her mashed potatoes a bit too aggressively.
"Well that didn't work," Amity mumbles.
"What was that, sweetie?" Camila asks.
"Nothing!"
____________________________
Willow is the next to try.
She corners Hunter in the bathroom, which sounds creepy, but isn't.
He's curling his flyaway strand of hair around his fingers and letting it bounce back into place, staring at his reflection forlornly.
"Hey Hunter," Willow says from the doorway, making Hunter jump. "What are you up to?"
"Nothing," He says, tearing his eyes away from his reflection.
"Oh, cool, I was just about to do my makeup, do you want to join me?" Willow asks.
"Uh- you wear makeup?" Hunter asks, before pausing with a frown. "Was that rude?"
"Not really," Willow says with a shrug. That kind of thing happens a lot, Hunter not knowing if he’s made some sort of social blunder and having the others explain to him what went wrong. "Come on!"
She grabs Hunter by the wrist, careful not to grab his hand after his explanation of nerve damage, and drags him to Camila’s room, where most of the makeup in the house is kept, besides the filched theater makeup and Halloween gore kits Luz kept around. She had Luz text her mom earlier to make sure they would be allowed to use it, so she knew no one would be getting in trouble.
She sits him down cross-legged on the rug and drags out the drawer of makeup in Camila's desk and sets it next to him.
"What color do you want to do?" Willow asks, and Hunter shrugs.
"What's your favorite?" He asks.
"What's yours?" Willow shoots back, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't... have one? Yellow, I guess?"
"No way is yellow your favorite," Willow says flatly. "Come on, you can tell me."
"Fine, fine, it's probably... red."
"Aw," Willow coos, putting a hand to her chest. "Like Flapjack."
"Oh come on!" Hunter snaps, covering his face. "Other things are red!"
"You come on! It's gotta be because of him!"
"I'm leaving," Hunter says dryly, getting to his feet.
"Nope! You already agreed!" Willow chirps cheerfully, pulling him back down to the floor. "We'll do red. Ooh! Wait you'd look so good with like- goth eyeliner. I don't know how to do it though, I’d have to get Amity."
"I don't know what goth means," Hunter complains.
"Don't worry about it," Willow says, leaning forward and sticking out her tongue as she starts, smearing concealer under Hunter's eyes. She'd had to borrow (without permission) some of Amity's makeup because there was absolutely no way a boy(?) as pale as Hunter would look even remotely natural in Luz's mom's concealer.
Hunter, remarkably, manages to stay pretty still throughout the entire ordeal. His breathing is even and calm the whole time even when Willow's hand brushes his scar, he just lets her do whatever she wants. If she didn't know any better, she'd say he looks relaxed.
When she pulls back, she winces a little. It's not perfect. It's messy, smudged in a few places, and definitely overdone what with the eyeshadow going all the way up to his eyebrows, but when he turns to look in the mirror he smiles . That in turn makes Willow smile, and then they are both giggling.
"My uncle would hate this," He says, touching his face, almost reverently.
"Good," Willow says firmly. "I don't like anything he likes, on principle."
Hunter looks at her out of the corner of his eye and smiles just a little wider.
"Now I get to do your makeup." He says, smile turning a touch wicked.
"No way, I don't trust you holding a hairbrush , there's no- hey!"
Willow lets him do her makeup.
When they're done, with Willow's shimmery green eyeshadow and bright red lipstick clashing horribly, they go downstairs and Luz wolf whistles at them, which she's tried to explain to them before, but they don't really get it. Hunter looks down at his feet and rubs the hem of his shirt between his fingers, but before Willow can tell Luz to tone it down, she sees the same smile from before lighting up Hunter's face.
Luz's mom laughs when she gets home, but not at them. She puts a hand to her chest and wipes tears from her eyes.
"Oh, I remember when I first started wearing makeup!" She says, beaming. "You two look so cute, go on, you look too good to sit around the house! Go get some dinner!" She hands them two twenties and tells them to bring back the change.
"Aw, what!" Luz complains but is expertly ignored.
They walk to Denny's, laughing and talking the whole way. Hunter is smiling so much he's getting crease lines in his makeup, and Willow is sure hers isn't faring much better.
Her lipstick gets rubbed off when she eats, but neither of them seem to notice, too busy gorging themselves on cheap diner food and relishing in each other's attention.
_______________________________________________
Gus doesn't really have a concrete idea of how to help Hunter out with his apparent identity crisis, but what he does have is magic. Thankfully, that still works in the Human Realm.
"I was thinking of getting my hair braided," Gus says, aiming for casual and probably missing by a mile. Hunter startles at the sudden noise, sitting up straight upon realizing someone has come into the room. Upon seeing it's only Gus, he slumps back down again.
"Yeah?" He says, Flapjack landing in his hair.
"Yeah. That's the cool thing about illusion magic, you can try out any style without commitment." Gus says, never one to avoid bragging about his favorite thing. He swirls a finger in the air and his hair 'poofs' into long thin braids that fall past his shoulders, tied off with little blue beads. He spins around a little, showing off his 'new hair'. "See?"
"It's... cool," Hunter says, looking away. His hand comes up to touch his own hair. Hook, line, and sinker. (A human phrase! And Luz had confirmed that it was legitimate!)
"Do you want me to do your hair?" Gus asks, once again trying for casual. He might be getting better at it, or Hunter might just not be able to read tone. Gus is betting on the second one. Hunter shrugs, which, in Hunter-speak, is basically an enthusiastic yes! Gus draws a circle in the air and Hunter's now-much-longer hair falls down over his face and shoulders. He blows out a breath to move the locks of hair that cover his eyes before bringing his hands up to sweep through his hair, letting it fall a bit more elegantly. Gus drops the illusion on his own hair to better focus on Hunter's, letting it move where he wants it to.
The older witch gets up from the bed he had been sitting on and looks into a desk mirror, tilting his head back and forth, watching the way his hair fell and framed his face. Light from the window shines through his blonde hair, lighting it up like wildfire.
"Well," Gus asks, twirling his finger to keep the spell up. "What do you think?"
"I think..." Hunter says softly, brushing his fingers through his long hair. "I might grow it out."
_____________________________________
Everyone has been weird this week. They have been ever since they watched Rat The Twoie and Hunter had made that stupid comment about all his weird feelings . Ugh! He should have known! Never share your feelings. Ever.
It's a good plan- or, at it would be if he was actually able to stick to it.
It comes out while he's drying dishes. He tells Luz's mom. The owner of the house, the one person he absolutely shouldn't tell his feelings to!
He had been in charge of drying, because he didn't want to take his gloves off to wash and Camila had just... let him. Said that it was fine if he didn't want to take his gloves off and didn't push or yell at him. She wasn't even quietly angry. She just hummed and washed the dishes.
"You know, I'm not really a witch." He says, casually, not looking up from the plate he's drying. Camila humming stops, but Hunter doesn't. "I look like one, but I'm actually a clone. Luz is- your daughter is the only one who knows."
"...Oh," Camila says finally, putting down the cup she had been holding. "How do you feel about all that?"
Hunter sniffs, trying to bite back the tears that come welling up in his eyes. He shrugs.
"I don't know," He whimpers, and then Camila is doing the dishes again. Hunter follows along with her movements instinctively, grateful that she hadn't tried to do that parallel arm thing that Luz always tries to do. He doesn't think he can handle it right now.
"I know that I shouldn't miss my uncle- like, he wasn't even really my uncle, but I do and I saw him- I saw him get splattered across the wall. I had to walk through him!" Camila's mouth tightens but she doesn't say anything.
"He hurt so many people," Hunter says softly. "He hurt me , I just don't know... I don't know why I miss him so much."
They are quiet, the only sound being running water and soft Spanish music.
"Well," Camila says finally. "I really can’t imagine how you're feeling, but I do know this. You were tricked your whole life into believing something that wasn't true, and the fact that you broke away from those lies and found the truth for yourself is an incredible feat."
"I didn't-"
" But ," Camila says, holding up her finger to stop Hunter from interrupting. "Just because you know things differently now doesn't mean that your brain isn't hardwired to think certain things. It's going to take a long time to unlearn everything, and you might never stop missing your uncle, even if he was a bad person."
Camila smiles at him. She doesn't reach out to touch his shoulder. She doesn't reach out to touch him at all.
"But that doesn't make you a bad person." She says, voice warm. "I think you are a kid who was tricked, but is truly, deeply goodhearted."
Hunter bursts into tears.
_________________________________________
They drink tea together, dishes abandoned on the counter, and the others watch T.V. in the living room, waved away by Camila when they try to get Hunter to join in with them.
"We're having a chat!" She says. "I'll send them out when we're done!"
Hunter stares at his drink swirling in his cup, face flushing. There are more things he's been meaning to ask, things he's wanted to talk to an adult about. Not his uncle, of course, and Darius was far too busy with the rebellion to worry about things like feelings , but he needs to get this off his chest.
"My body doesn't feel right," He says into his drink. Camila tilts her head. She looks a lot like Luz.
"How do you mean?" She asks, taking a sip from her own mug.
"Like- it's hard to explain. I feel like- like I don't look how I'm supposed to. What I see in the mirror isn't right . I'll look at my own face and get surprised because I'm like- oh, who's that!" He sighs, pressing his mug against his forehead. "I was made in the image of someone else and... it doesn't feel right."
"You could always change how you look," Camila suggests softly, and Hunter sets his mug down on the table, holding up his hands. They’re shaking in frustration.
"But that's the thing, I've tried! I've been thinking about dying my hair but that doesn't feel right! No matter how many times I change my clothes it isn't right! Nothing I do feels right!"
Camila looks at him for a few seconds.
"Do you think you might be a girl?" She asks finally, no judgment in her tone, just open curiousity. Hunter rears back, sputtering.
"I- no! I'm a boy- a man!" He says, even as the words chafe his insides. Why do they chafe his insides?
"Hm, well, it's just that a lot of what you're saying sounds a lot like dysphoria, and while it could be a result of your childhood, it could also be gender related."
"I... don't know what that is," Hunter admits, sinking down in his chair a little. "Dysphoria, I mean."
"Dysphoria is when the way a person sees their body and the way their body actually is looks different."
Hunter perks up a little. That sounds familiar.
"And that is... from gender?"
"It can be," Camila explains calmly. "If you want to go to the library with me tomorrow we can look at some books about it, or do research here."
The tips of Hunter's ears go red, and he nods.
"That would... be nice, thank you." He murmurs
"We'll make a day of it," She says smiling. "In the meantime, would you like me to use different pronouns for you?"
"What?"
"Like she, he, they, whichever you pick. Oh! I heard the other day about neo pronouns." She lets out an excited little giggle and claps her hands. "Oh, the worlds changing all the time."
"Uh, maybe just the boy ones for now," Hunter says, tapping the wood of the table anxiously.
"Alright," Camila says, standing and putting her mug in the sink.
She's about to leave when Hunter's stomach swoops and he reaches out to her.
"Or, uh- maybe you could actually do... the they ones?" Hunter squeaks. Camila's face softens and she nods.
"I'll let you tell the others when you're ready," She says, halfway out the door. "I won't tell them anything."
"Tell us any of what?" Luz shouts from the living room.
"What a mess your room is!" Camila calls back, and Hunter can hear an offended squawk before Camila puts a finger up to her lip and winks before walking out of the kitchen and up the stairs.
Hunter drains the rest of his mug. It's good, still warm. Spiced and fruity. He'll have to take some with him when he goes back. When they go back. Huh.
He repeats sentences in his mind, trying to get used to the new pronoun, at least in regards to him- them?
'I like Hunter's shirt, it looks good on them. They've been learning about wild magic. Willow is their best friend.'
He- they? Sigh at the thoughts. Why did this all have to be so confusing?
He sets his mug in the sink, right next to Camila's and goes out to join the others for their movie.
"Hey Hunter!" Willow calls out, beaming, and Hunter tries to smile, pushing down the twisting at hearing their name.
Yeah. Confusing.