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Dudley Dursley's Couch for Teenage Vigilantes

Summary:

Alternate Title: Harry Potter Escaping Fame in the Magical World for Saving People by Becoming Famous in the Muggle World for Saving People
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After traumatic experiences, it's usually recommended one gets therapy. Unfortunately, Harry didn't get that memo and runs away to New York and accidentally becomes a vigilante instead.

Notes:

Not going to lie, I have no idea what I'm doing so the rating is subject to change. I also do not care about canon in the slightest so please do not expect this to be comic/book/movie accurate. However, I really hope you enjoy, and constructive crit is very welcome. I haven't written anything in years so I may take a bit to get the tone down, but I'm excited to get back into it.

Warning for child abuse in this first chapter. It's not gruesome or anything, but not pretty either.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Harry knelt down on the floor, picking up the shattered remains of a plate his uncle, Vernon, threw at his head after he’d made a ‘smart remark.’ Dudley, his cousin, laughed while his parents were looking, but raised his eyebrows at him when they looked away. Harry gave a small nod in reply, letting him know he was ok.

When they were kids, Dudley had been his biggest bully. He’d kept him isolated and bruised, and delighted in his parents' treatment of Harry. However, the longer they’d been away at their respective boarding schools, the more Dudley seemed to realize their home situation wasn’t right. The summer they turned twelve, Dudley had been weird, leaving the room with an uncomfortable look when Harry was being yelled at and fidgeting anytime they’d been alone. By the end of the summer, Harry was sure he’d fallen into an alternate universe, because Dudley was slipping snacks through the catflap on his locked door with mutters of, “I still don’t like you.” At seventeen, Harry would probably even call him a friend.

As soon as his aunt and uncle left the room, Dudley joined Harry near the bin where he was dumping the last of the glass shards. He placed a bracing hand on Harry’s shoulder and Harry slumped, leaning into it.

“Just over a month now, not long.”

“I know,” Harry replied, his voice strained. “Are you going to freak out on me if I use my wand to finish the rest of the cleaning up? I just want to head up to bed.”

“Hey, I haven’t done that in at least a week!” Dudley tried to joke. It fell a bit flat, but Harry gave him a pity chuckle anyway.

After cleaning up from dinner, Harry made his way upstairs to his room. He went through his routine of locking and silencing the room before pulling out his passport and plane ticket. He only had to stay with the Dursley’s until his eighteenth birthday, when he’d be a legal adult in the muggle world. At first, he’d tried to stay in the wizarding world, but he didn’t last past the first week. He needed to get away from the stares, the reporters stalking his every move, the fans showing up out of nowhere to ask him what it was like to be fighting for his life. Getting away meant leaving magical society and then the UK altogether. Which meant he needed to stay with his aunt and uncle until he could legally live in the muggle world on his own.

Well, not quite on his own. His cousin had gotten accepted into a school overseas in America, and had talked his parents into renting him a little flat in New York. When Harry came back, Dudley had pulled him aside and asked what he was thinking, then whether he had any plans for when he was inevitably kicked out. When Harry just shrugged, Dudley nodded determinedly and walked away. The next day, Harry was holding a ticket to New York for August 1st and the promise of a couch for him once he got there.

Just like every night, Harry counted out the cash he had left from the last time he exchanged some over. It’d be enough to get him to Diagon where he could get more. Next, he pulled out his invisibility cloak, ignoring the ring and wand that fell out of it as he did. It seemed once united, the three didn’t want to part, but that didn’t mean he had to acknowledge them. Finally, he pulled out a vial of dreamless sleep, downing it in a single gulp. He quickly shoved his wand, money, passport, and ticket under his pillow, before wrapping himself in his cloak and drifting off to sleep.

Mid-July, Dudley left for New York. Aunt Petunia went with him, spending a week overseas helping him get settled in. The week had been spent mostly in tense silent, interspersed with screaming and objects thrown in his general directing, so Aunt Petunia returning to cry hysterically about her baby boy growing up was a welcome change of pace.

After what felt like a thousand years, Harry was walking downstairs with a trunk full of all his possessions in one pocket. When he entered the kitchen, Petunia was scrambling eggs and flipping through one of the tabloids she told everyone she didn't read. She started to open her mouth when she saw him, but he cut her off.

“I’m just calling a cab, then I'm gone for good.”

She glared suspiciously for a moment before turning back to the stove. “Make it quick.”

He made his call and rushed out the front door just as he heard his uncles heavy footfalls on the stairs. It only took twenty minutes of sitting on the curb before he was on his way to London.

Notes:

Apologize for all the exposition, but I want out of Britain and to New York ASAP

Next chapter should be a bit of Diagon Alley, a flight overseas, and the actual star of the fic: The Couch. Enjoy.