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Josh is not weak.
At least, that’s what people seem to think.
He’s not sure why people look at him and immediately assume that he’s okay, that he’s healthy and strong and independent when most of the time he feels anything but, when most of the time he does feel weak and beaten down and so, so tired of fighting his own thoughts. He’s not sure how they get such a calm impression of his exterior when inside he is a raging, raging sea that he feels like he’s struggling to stay afloat in, struggling not to swallow mouthful after mouthful of salty water. There’s so much effort he’s putting into simply staying alive, he doesn’t know how anyone could ever expect more from him.
He guesses he knows why people seem to think Tyler is weak--he screams it with his whole being, with his shaky hands and red-rimmed eyes and small, skinny body, and anyone who sees him either wants to protect him or destroy him, simply because it looks so easy. Tyler is fragile like porcelain, and Josh knows this, knows this because of everytime Tyler will wake up gasping and covered in cold sweat, and will crawl into Josh’s bunk uninvited, hands clammy and shaking and grasping for something, anything, from Josh that will make it better, if only for a little bit.
Tyler is fragile, but he is also, so, so strong.
Because Josh can’t help but think about how he’s only known Tyler for a fraction of his life, that before Josh became a part of Tyler’s life, Tyler had to push himself through the pain alone--he didn’t have anyone. His family might’ve been sweet and loving but they would never understand--they would never understand why he cried himself to sleep, why he had panic attacks, why he was screaming his head off in the basement trying to record vocals just to get it out. They would never understand and Tyler had to survive twenty years carrying himself through the pain and the fear and that’s a strength that Josh admires.
That’s a strength Josh isn’t sure he has.
Because Josh didn’t carry himself through the pain, he just suffered under it. He just let himself cry and refused to get up from bed unless it was to play drums, and his parents were frantic, wondering what was wrong with him and how they could fix it, but Josh didn’t even have the energy to care. He wasn’t even strong enough to kill himself, really--he was just weak enough to stop living. Until he met Tyler.
Josh isn’t weak.
He just… doesn’t feel all that strong, either.