Chapter Text
Wilbur and Quackity had never been in romantic relations. Unless you counted that one time, but they were both very drunk, so Wilbur didn’t. And he knew that quackity sure didn’t, so of course Xe didn’t either. Wilbur didn’t like quackity. He didn’t even tolerate Em. In fact, Wilbur thought that it was pretty apparent that Xe hated Quackity, based on their frequent, heated arguments, and everything that went down during the elections. They were something of rivals, nemeses if Wilbur might be so bold. His desires to be close to him were because of his need to annoy Her, and they were constantly trying to one up each other. Phan wanted to get right up in front of Quackity’s face so that he could snarl and yell at Her. Not at all because Xe wanted to—
Wilbur was snapped out of his concerningly spiraling thoughts by a two toned spirit floating directly in front of him.
“Um, Wilbur? We’re out of Ketchup.” Eye’s unusually low voice sounded the way Ranboos did whenever Ay was low on sleep. But Wilbur knew that was just how End sounded now. It was a little unsettling sometimes, but most things about Boo were. “And I think we have a visitor.”
Wilbur scoffed. He’d fix the ketchup problem later. Right now, he had the issue of dealing with a loitering rival restaurant owner.
“Oi!” He leered at Captain Puffy, who was lurking on the outskirts of the Ran Van property, obviously scouting out puffs competition. “If you’re not going to order anything, fuck off!” Puffy then shot her a middle finger and sashayed off. As much of an annoying fucker as she was, Wilbur couldn’t deny that Puffy was cool.
Now that that was out of the way, they now had to turn their attention to the empty ketchup dispenser. He took a small screwdriver out of xeir inventory. He meticulously began to twist out each of the screws from the dispenser, as he directed Boo to fetch the extra ketchup. Wilbur knew they didn’t usually run out of ketchup this early in the day, so Tommy must have been being a little shit when he wasn’t looking.
“Um, Wilbur?” Boo wavered from the back of the van. God, what was it this time? Wilbur walked around from the front to see a complicated redstone trap attached to the ketchup gallon.
“Tommmmy” zom grumbled under his breath. “Okay if I just—“ he began under his breath, trying to gently move the correct redstone component that would disable the device. He heard a suspicious “Click”, and the gallon split open, propelling ketchup all over his front. “I’m going to fucking kill that child,” They growled, wringing their red stained hands. Xe started thinking that it could almost be mistaken for blood if it wasn’t so thick and obviously food dyed. Xe shook his head, shaking condiment out of Phant hair— it really was cartoonish how covered head to toe he was. He was ripped out of his thoughts by a familiar short, winged man. It was Quackity.
“Well I came over to converse with you, but it seems like you’re a bit busy,” He teased.
“N-no!” Wilbur insisted. “I was just trying to refill the ketchup- and Tommy was being a bitch- it’s actually been a really quiet day-“
‘Please don’t leave’ he wanted to say but didn’t. He didn’t want to seem too desperate. For what he didn’t really know. But Quackity just laughed confidently and asked, “Do you need any help over there?”
…