Chapter Text
Most people assume that because you get to live means you had it better, Nico didn't think so. holding his body, Will looked finally at peace, like he got his closure, he looked serene, and calm, juxtaposed to pain that loomed over Nico's mind. This was not how it was supposed to happen. He was the one who lived, he was the one who could move on, who could have a life now, so why did he think that death seemed like the better option?
It was selfish for him to think that way he knows, but how does it matter anymore, the other one was dead. Will was the one who died, yet the pain lingeried over Nico's mind. Will was the one who got stabbed, yet it seemed as if the knife was stuck in Nico's gut, because Will died but Nico was the one who had to live on.
And that was the real tragedy. Loving someone, doing everything you can to protect them, then watching them die right in front of your eyes, watching them as they accept their fate and not struggle, watching them take their last breath, holding on to their lifeless body. Because you knew, you knew that what happened was your fault and you were to blame, you wish that it was you that had died. Was it because it was your fault in the first place they died, was it because having to live with that pain was too much, or was it because death seemed like the easy way out?
He's a son of hades, Nico knew that death is never easy, it is something that haunts everyone, no one can escape it, sooner or later it will show up at your doorstep uninvited, not care about anything going on in your life, not care about what you're going through. Once death finds you then it's over. for death will win this flight you can't make up excuses hoping to deceive death, it'll see right through you lies. to death nothing matters once it sees you then it's over, once and for all. Nico knew all that. what happened today would have happened no matter what he did, for death had finally seen William Solace.
He was gone. There was nothing Nico could do about it. going to the underworld, to Elysium would be unfair to Will, he knew that. He had seen it in his eyes as Will died, he had accepted it, and was at peace with the fact that his life was over, that it had all come to an end. He was a demigod in battle, any moment could be his last, he knew that and as he died he knew, that he was happy with the life he had lived, with the people he had met, with the people who were important to him. His life may have been short, and yes there were still a lot of things he would have loved to do, but he was okay with the fact that this was it.
Death, such a small word for something so big. its permanent, Nico knew that better than anyone, but this was it, his final straw. no matter how many times it happens, you never get used to it, you never get used to the pain, you never get used to the grief. people often say that losing someone close to you makes you numb, but its not really numbness, it extreme and excruciating pain to the point that you've felt it so much it no longer holds that same effect on you, its there, you know its there, you can feel it, and everyone next to you just expects you to bare it. Because yes it may be true that with time it gets better and though the pain never really goes away, there comes a time when youll actually be able to think back on the memory with that person and smile to yourself, and not just look at everyone around you and want to rip out their eyes because they're the same colour as theirs.
Today was not that day, and so Nico brought up every single pent up energy he had, because if Will did not get to live then those who made that happen would not either. Its only fair. blood for blood, death for death. He's not doing anything wrong, the gods and everyone else here played a part in Will's death, even Nico himself. So he will do everything in his power to avenge him.