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Stephen dreamt of the interaction with Loki. Perhaps it was silly, and he was very much aware of such, but in the succeeding nights after the battle and the very unusual interaction right afterward, the god of mischief followed him into his head. Night after night he would consistently wake up with a pounding heart and the lingering feeling of his hands on his back as if he was right there in the room with him. It was such a small moment in the span of everything else that had been going on that he almost drove himself insane about it. He had PTSD, he knew that, but despite all the trauma so far he had experienced zero nightmares about what he had gone through. Only Loki.
It was stupid, it was so so stupid. Not having PTSD nightmares wasn't something to complain about, but why his trauma was replaced by someone he had properly met only once was so irrational that he couldn't think of a single reason why. And his ego couldn't exactly take not knowing why something was happening to him.
But where was he supposed to turn to for help? Wong would tear him apart for feeling anything besides either resentment or apathy toward the New York attacker, which would only make Stephen push the odd memories and emotions further inside himself and nothing would be accomplished. Talking to his ex-girlfriend Christine about someone whose touch he couldn't stop thinking about would feel odd and wildly uncomfortable, only made worse by the fact that they were both practicing doctors back in 2012 and saw all of Loki's battered victims first hand, pumping up the lack of comfort to down right tension. Then... and then there was no one else. He didn't want to think too deep into that.
In some sort of positive to the fact that he had no one to go to, he really had no idea as to what he would even say if he did. 'Loki hugged me after Thanos died and now I dream of him holding me again'? 'I finally received some physical affection for the first time in 45 years and I feel like I'll die if I don't get it again'? 'My emotions are in such turmoil that I can't even distinguish what I feel toward Loki but it's definitely not negative and I wouldn't say no to cuddling'?
Stephen wanted to bash his head into a wall.
The busyness of being a sorcerer managed to drag him out of his chaos ridden thoughts for most of the time, but as his disappearance from Earth for five years took him away from his sorcerer supreme duties, Wong had replaced him and left Stephen in a demoted position with much less to fill up his time.
That left him with only one other thing to distract himself. An Avengers meeting.
Sure he might not entirely like the Avengers, and after Tony's death there was still a lingering amount of guilt whenever he neared his still mourning friends and family, but he also did physical therapy without painkillers just for the distraction, so he clearly didn't mind going through some discomfort just to make his brain go blank. Therefore when Sam contacted him and asked him to come to a gathering of the available living fighters against Thanos in order to determine how the universe would be put back together, he jumped at the chance simply for the distraction.
And then of course... there was the other reason.
"Loki?"
Loki's head jerked up to the sound of Bruce calling his name, having been distracted drawing stars on an otherwise blank notebook before him. "Oh, um, I'm sorry, I didn't hear the question."
"Do you want to have a part in the reconstruction?"
Stephen watched Loki bite down on his lip and begin to twirl the pen between his fingers, waving away the notepad as his brother next to him looked down at it, searching for an answer within his own head that he didn't seem to have. Sitting there, silent and clearly nervous, Stephen questioned if Loki could truly be capable of what had been done in the past. He had been questioning it ever since they had embraced.
There were always the possibilities of people being bad in one place yet good in another, for example a racist being good with animals, but that wasn't Loki. He had become a good person to individuals and to the masses with his unselfish help against Thanos, therefore placing his change in the same category of either playing the hero or the villain. Growth and improvement are two things that obviously could have very much happened to Loki, but, at least to Stephen, it would be impossible for someone to change from the bloodthirsty tyrant back in New York to the strong but careful and caring god pictured on the most recent battlefield. Especially not in only ten years. Perhaps his psychoanalysis of Loki from afar was only further twisting the odd detached relationship they already had and only adding more fuel to the blender of confusion, but in the mess that was his emotions for him, the examination of long passed events had its place in figuring everything out. Maybe if the guilt of feeling anything toward someone who had allegedly been responsible for such atrocities went away as the atrocities were not performed through their own wants or will, maybe he could figure himself out.
"Yes, I- I would," Loki finally stated with some semblance of confidence, curling his hair behind his ears before he turned his head and his eyes met Stephen's, connecting themselves once more in a way that seemed to freeze the room for a few seconds as they stared. Loki was the one who broke it by looking away and instead looking down at his hands that he was nervously playing with. "I'll help."
Stephen suddenly thought that he might actually be insane. Loki could absolutely think nothing about their tiny moment in time and he was simply creeply romanticizing a friendly hug, some painkillers, and just then, a look. Why was he feeling so strongly? Why could he not get the man off of his mind?
But most importantly- what was his place in his mind in the first place?
The entire meeting was thrown in the trash as it was far from doing the job of distracting Stephen with Loki so close, and so he didn't pay attention to jack shit. He just thought and thought and thought until he suddenly looked up and realized that not only was half the group gone, but those left were picking up and leaving with concerned glances passed over at him.
Getting the hint that he had to leave, he stood up and took a step to find some room to comfortably spawn up a portal. And then his vision immediately went blurry. Further confused by the blinding he stumbled into a table, and everything happened so fast that he was only conscious long enough to feel a hand on his arm before completely blacking out.
~~
The next thing Stephen saw was a dark wooden ceiling in a complete contrast to that of the mainly white Avengers Tower. Scents of lavender swirled around his nose, a pleasant smell, just the right amount so as to not be too overpowering while still remaining comforting.
As he slowly began to wake up, more things were coming to him. The feeling of the wool blanket draped over his limp body, the soft pillow underneath his head, and then, most recognizably, was the change of clothes. Stephen knew exactly how heavy his robes felt when he slept in them, and he had absolutely no doubt in his still slightly cloudy mind that he had been stripped and re-dressed.
But by wh-
"You took quite a nasty fall back there," Loki unknowingly interrupted his thoughts, taking a seat at the side of his bed with a bowl of something steaming in his lap, also in a different outfit than he had worn earlier. "Wouldn't expect a sorcerer of such status as you to go down like a candle in the wind."
In fact his entire appearance had changed. He still looked like him of course, there wasn't any change to his face or body, but the knitted green sweater and black leggings he was in instead of his leather armor made him seem like an almost completely different person. The change reminded Stephen of the Loki he had met on the battlefield but personified into a non-bloody and clean physical appearance. Welcoming and soft.
A lopsided smile easily spread over Stephen's face. "Well I'm glad to let you know that I am far weaker than you think," he managed to whisper with the little energy he had, still managing to make Loki grin nonetheless.
"Charming as soon as you wake, classic Strange." Putting the bowl of what could then be seen as soup on his side table, Loki then picked up a face cloth and laid it over his forehead, apparently caring for him after he couldn't do it himself. Again. "But charm will not get you out of telling me why you passed out. I typically find that those able to face Thanos without a shred of doubt don't succumb to such mortal tendencies unless something's wrong."
The parallel of Loki consistently coming to his aid reminded Stephen of his innate guilt from receiving help, leading him to push himself up to a sitting position as if that would erase the god's burden. "It was nothing, I guess it's just because I haven't been sleeping that well lately. I should go back to the Sanctum, Wong's probably waiting for me, I don't have time-" Only as he spoke did he realize that being stripped of his robes meant he was lacking his sling ring. A pat to his pockets made it clear that it wasn't transferred. "Where'd you put my slingy?"
Although Stephen's face was entirely serious, Loki burst out laughing for the first time he bore witness to, a hand up to his mouth and his patient watching almost in awe of the beauty he had the pleasure of beholding. "You call it a slingy? That's so cute," he complimented with a hand to his chest.
Stephen's cheeks immediately flushed a light pink. He hadn't ever really thought of the 'cuteness' of the sling ring's nickname, he had just said it once without thinking and Wong started using it too as some sort of validation, so he hadn't ever stopped to think as to how it would come off to others. Especially someone like Loki. "I didn't realize."
"Even cuter. But anyway, besides learning more about the layers of the sorcerer supreme, you're not leaving." While still flushed Stephen's eyebrows shot up. "I mean I'm not kidnapping you, but you just passed out, and I know if I let you out of my sight you're just going to start working again. Don't tell me how important your job is or how many tasks you have to complete, they'll be fine without you until you're feeling well again."
It was clear there was no room for arguing. Not that Stephen exactly wanted to, being cared for by Loki's soft hands and kind smiles was like a dream come true for reasons he really didn't want to think about, but he did have things to do. Even though... "I'm not- I'm not actually sorcerer supreme anymore. Wong took over while I was dust."
Loki quickly clapped his hands together before taking the cloth back, coaxing him to once again lay down. "Even better. You have less to do," he reasserted as he reapplied the damp cotton. "Now rest up, you’ve only slept for a few hours so far. We'll talk more later."
Probably more questioning should have been put into Loki's motives if Stephen was at all rational and not thinking about the fact that his fingertips brushed his face when he put the cloth down, but as soon as he told him to rest up exhaustion rolled over him and he realized that he actually should sleep a little longer. The repression of his own tiredness, built up from med school, was apparently crumbling down when someone finally forced him to take a hard look at his own health.
And that was definitely all of the reason he passed out. Just that. Not the feelings and rapid thoughts about Loki that he couldn't seem to stop, especially when he was sitting directly perpendicular to him, and unconsciousness being even a smidge of escape from his own emotions. Not that. Not... Not that.