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Edwina allowed herself only five seconds. Five seconds to admire how gallantly Lord Bridgerton defended her. Five seconds to be disappointed in her grandparents for being such terrible, shallow people. Five seconds to be furious with her sister for keeping such an important secret from her. Five seconds to be terrified that Lord Bridgerton would break off their engagement.
And then she stood up with a speed that made her chair screech against the floor. She tipped her head at the two remaining ladies in the room. “Excuse me, Mama, Lady Danbury.”
Without looking back, she hurried after her sister. She turned the corner just in time to see Lord Bridgerton disappear into one of the many rooms. (While her late father’s profession meant that she was no stranger to living in a palace, it wasn’t until Mayfair that she saw so many houses shoved together with countless rooms serving absolutely no purpose other than showing off one’s wealth.)
Thankful that her satin slippers meant it was easy to move quietly, Edwina tiptoed as quickly as she could towards the open doors in time to overhear her sister speaking, “–no idea. Coming to England, finding her a match. I only wished for the best for her. You cannot be angry at her.”
Immediately, guilt twisted at her anger towards her sister. She knew that Kate needed to learn that she was an adult now, but her heart was in the right place. There truly was no better sister in all of India or England.
“I am not,” Lord Bridgeton said, and instantly the weight that had settled on Edwina’s chest began to lessen. “It is clear she was as much in the dark as I was about your schemes.”
While Edwina was undeniably relieved that he didn’t blame her, she didn’t care for his accusatory tone. It had been this way since they were little girls. She could be angry at her sister every day if she so chose, but no one was ever allowed to say a single thing negative about Kate. Both sisters were equally protective of one another. Overprotective some might say.
And while it was true that Lord Bridgerton hadn’t lived a perfect life – with the death of his father when he had been on the cusp of becoming a man, leaving behind seven siblings to look after – he had no idea all the hardships that they had to endure. That Kate had to endure on their family’s behalf.
They had no man to protect them. They had no titles. They had no charming estate in the country. They had no tutors. They had no funds past just enough to give them food and shelter. They had no funds at all after their new wardrobe and one-way trip from India.
“They were not schemes,” Kate hissed angrily.
And were they really? What did Kate really do past ensure that any gentleman who chose Edwina for a wife would receive what he thought he was owed? What harm did she cause (present unrest withstanding)?
“I take it there’ll be no dowry,” Lord Bridgerton said in the same calm tone. “Now that the Sheffields have withdrawn their support.”
Was that really what he was worried about? Where was the man who loved her? Where was his pain? His distress? His heartbreak? Where was any emotion at all?
“You– you care about a dowry?” Kate asked, offended on her behalf. “It is because of what you just did that the Sheffields withdrew it.”
The answering pause lasted no longer than a second, but it was enough for all of Edwina’s fears to escalate until she could scarcely breathe. Both her mother and sister had put so much hope in her finding a match this season, and she had failed them. She couldn’t place the blame on Kate for keeping this secret. For it was her who had failed to make Lord Bridgerton want to marry her enough to fight for her without hesitation. True love conquered all, and he was already showing his cold feet. Did he ever really want to marry her at all?
“It is regrettable, to be sure,” Lord Bridgerton said. Although his voice sounded relieved, if anything, though still admittedly tense. “But clearly, both Miss Edwina and I have been misled, and it is best to call off this doomed engagement before it is the cause of any more strife.”
Wasn’t that what marriages were? The fairytales always ended saying how the couple lived happily ever after, but she still had some memories of Mama and Papa. It wasn’t always happy. There were countless times of strife. Only they had acknowledged them for what they truly were: small shadows compared to the brightness of the sun that was their love for one another. Love that lasted a lifetime would never be without its strife.
“Of course, I’d never besmirch her reputation,” Lord Bridgerton continued. His voice sounded more brittle with every word. Did he care about her after all? “My mother and Lady Danbury will make a plan–”
“There shall be no plan!” Kate said. Really, it was remarkable that her patience had allowed him to speak as much as she had. “I do not understand. Why are you suggesting this? All along, you have been set on marrying my sister – despite my every objection, I might add – and now you wish to cast her aside? Why? And do not talk to me of dowries, sir, for we both know you have no need of it. So, tell me, what has she done?”
Every ounce of anger towards Kate evaporated from her heart. She had made a mistake not sharing her communications with Edwina’s grandparents, to be sure, yet here she was trying to desperately to correct it. She didn’t even like Lord Bridgerton, despite Edwina’s best efforts to get them to form any kind of friendship, and still she stood there begging him to honor the engagement because she knew that the viscount was what Edwina wanted.
“She has done nothing. It is you,” Lord Bridgerton said with rising anger. “You have made this match impossible.”
So Edwina’s efforts at Aubrey Hall had really been for naught… But she couldn’t be angry at her sister. She really did try her best. She knew that she did. There had always been an underlying sense of hatred ever since Kate had first overheard Lord Bridgerton talk to those gentlemen about how he wasn’t looking for love in his marriage.
Edwina had thought that she had changed his mind, but clearly, he didn’t love her enough if her sister was forced to beg on her behalf.
“But I am leaving for India!”
“And it is not far enough!” Lord Bridgerton hissed.
Edwina blinked in surprise. She knew that the two didn’t get along, but did they truly hate one another to such a degree? (And did she even want to marry a man that loathed her sister?)
“Do you think that there is a corner of this Earth that you could travel to far away enough to free me of this torment?” Lord Bridgerton’s voice had changed. It was still passionate, to be sure, but it was also… pained. There was something there that she had never heard before. “I am a gentleman. My father raised me to act with honor, but that honor is hanging by a thread that grows more precarious with every moment I spend in your presence. You are the bane of my existence… and the object of all my desires.”
The hallway began to spin around Edwina, and she grabbed the wall behind her for more support. There was no way that she had heard him correctly. The two could barely stand to be in the same room as each other. There was no way that she had imagined that, surely. He had only put up with Kate at all because he wanted to marry Edwina. It was her that he wanted. The way that he had just defended her so valiantly against her grandparents… but no. That wasn’t quite right, was it? He hadn’t stepped in until their insults had become focused on Kate.
“Night and day, I dream of you, and what I…” The Lord Bridgerton exhaled sharply, his next words were too low for Edwina to make out.
Only Edwina had long since been tuned in to identify Kate’s voice even in a crowded room. There was no mistaking her answer or the torment behind it. “I did not ask for this. To be plagued by these feelings. Hiding from my sister. Being driven to distraction every time you enter the room.”
Was Edwina truly that blind? Did she really miss the clear passion that the two shared? Or did she only see what she wanted to see? Was she purposely blind to everyone’s desires except her own? Was she so self-centered?
“If I wed your sister, it will bind me and you together for eternity,” Lord Bridgerton said, louder than before. “And I will spend every day of my marriage wanting you, dreaming of you, dreading the day when my last thread of honor finally snaps. Is that the future that you want for us? For your sister?”
Tears in her eyes, Edwina ran away. She heard a loud clang followed by a servant saying something, but she didn’t stop until she reached the safety of her bedroom.
There was a part of her that wanted to be furious at Kate. As she thought of all her interference in her courtship with the viscount, she wanted to believe that Kate had done it all selfishly to keep them apart. So that she could be the one to win his hand. But that was exactly the problem. It was what she wanted to believe. She had just listened to a conversation that proved that Kate would fight for her sister’s happiness even when it directly destroyed her own.
That was the only thing that made Edwina truly angry at Kate. That she didn’t chase her own happiness. That she didn’t trust Edwina enough to speak the truth of her feelings. When did they start? Was she lying to her all this time? Did she think Edwina wouldn’t care? Did she not think she deserved to be happy?
And what exactly was the viscount’s excuse? Had he not been the one to seek Edwina out at every ball? Had he not been the one to devotedly call on her several times every week? Had he not been the one to invite her to come to his family’s estate before the rest of the ton? Had he not been the one to chase her so romantically to propose before she could get into her carriage on that fateful day?
All the while she was the object of none of his desires! While the person who was, was right there in front of him! Right beside the woman he did chase after… it made absolutely no sense.
The worst part of all of this was what she had to do now. Because if she talked to Kate and she learned that her sister wanted the viscount just as desperately as he apparently wanted her, there was only one thing that she could do. It would damage her pride, to be sure, but she owed her sister so much. This was just one step in paying back a lifetime of kindness.
Because, should Kate wish it, Edwina would step aside. She would grin and bear it while her sister became the next Lady Bridgerton. She would fight for a world where the two could marry without scandal. And judging by what she had just overheard… It seemed quite likely that Dowager Lady Bridgerton and Lady Danbury would need to make a plan after all.