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When joining up with a collection of on-the-run saboteurs/freedom fighters seeking to destabilize an intergalactic Empire you expected a certain amount of suspicious activity. Coded details of drops in seemingly innocent advertisements? Sure, had that last week. Mysterious transmissions from hooded figures with modulated voices? Apparently that’s where all the best intel comes from (which frankly seems like a very questionable security choice). But if you’re on a team you’re supposed to all figure out the suspicious things together, and Ezra Bridger knew when secrets were being kept from him.
He first noticed it one evening parked on Lothal a few weeks after joining the Ghost . Everyone had bunked down early for the night but after an hour or so and Ezra still couldn’t sleep he figured he’d see if Kanan was still up. Maybe there was some Jedi meditation thing to help you fall sleep fast? That sounded like the sort of thing Jedi should be able to do.
No sooner had Ezra slid silently (he thought) out of his bunk when suddenly Zeb growled, “what mess are you getting into? Get back in your bunk and stay there.”
“What’s it matter to you?” Ezra grumbled. “I’ll be back in a few, just go back to sleep.”
Zeb sat up and stared at Ezra dead on, speaking in clipped syllables. “I said, what. are. you. doing?”
Ugh, why did I get stuck with the grumpy, oversized cat? Ezra rolled his eyes. “I just need to ask Kanan a question, I won’t touch anything on the ship.”
For a moment Ezra saw Zeb’s eyes flare just a twinge, then suddenly Ezra was under a blanket that had been thrown with freakish speed, wrapped up tight like Ezra’s favorite street food, his arms against his sides, and tossed, with no care for his comfort or the location of the metal walls he bounced off of, back onto his bunk. He clawed his way out from the fabric to see Zeb curled up in the doorway, pillow behind his head, eyes already closing.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
Zeb settled himself in. “Kanan’s something of a princess; interrupt his sleep and he’s completely useless the next day. I’m not going to be shot by some blasted stormtrooper because you want to be put to bed like a child and ruin his concentration for tomorrow.”
I’m living with a crazy cat man. Why did this seem like a good idea again? Ezra thought to himself. He considered trying to get around Zeb, but as it was Zeb there was a LOT of him to get around and a very small door, and he decided his question could wait till tomorrow. But something about it just felt...off. What was going on on the ship to make Zeb act even weirder than normal?
“I’m keeping the blanket” Ezra said in a huff.
Zeb snorted a laugh. “Enjoy all the fur on it!”
The balled up blanket followed a slight arc, aimed perfectly to hit the center of at Zeb’s head, but was snatched from the air by a clawed hand and furled out over Zeb’s body without his eyes ever even opening. “Night, kid.”
. . .
The second instance was a week or so later, after picking up Hera and Sabine from the asteroid they had gotten stuck on after the diagnostics debacle. It should only really be considered 33% Ezra’s fault as Zeb and Chopper equally participated, but he still was feeling guilty and he figured it wouldn’t be the worst to offer to do some extra maintenance as an apology to Hera...and maybe to ease his conscience a smidge. She and Kanan had been up in the cockpit since they entered hyperspace a while ago so he headed that way, but as soon as he’d left Sabine and Zeb arguing in the lounge Chopper zoomed from outside the cockpit hatch, down the hallway past their bunks and started whistling a torrent at him.
Alert. Alert. Usless_Small_Organic, maintenance check required immediately on dorsal guns. Move!
Ezra sighed, “enough with the alerts, I was literally coming to offer to help out. I’ll see what Hera needs done and”
The droid cut him off with another sharp whistle and began rolling back and forth as if to block the hallway. No! Immediate check required to ensure Mom’s future functioning! No exceptions! Chopper’s body opened to reveal a small arm bristling with electricity and began menacing towards Ezra while continuing to repeat stuff about “Mom’s well being” and various concerningly detailed plans of violence.
“Seriously Chopper? I get we all screwed up on this one but she’s safe now.” Ezra pulled back from the crackling weaponry. “You’re really saying you think she’d prefer I tinker with her ship, unsupervised and without her direct order, rather than take two minutes to ask her?” Ezra asked with an intentionally raised eyebrow, trying to avoid showing any fear that Chopper might actually electrocute him (he was pretty sure Chopper had a higher kill count than anyone else on the ship and could genuinely see Chop sending him out an airlock if given half a reason).
Chopper froze for a moment, clearly recalculating, then resumed menacing. Affirmative, Mom engaged in essential maintenance.
“What essential maintenance is done from the cockpit during hyperspace?” Ezra asked exasperatedly.
Chopper began herding Ezra towards the dorsal gun turret. Usless_Small_Organic is too useless to understand. Chopper supervises maintenance for Mom. Then Chopper is best droid and Mom is best Mom.
“One, you’re clearly malfunctioning if you think you should be supervising me , and two, you know I understand the name you use for me, right?” Ezra huffed, grabbing the tool kit from the corner and making his way towards the turret’s energy system.
That’s the point of accurate insults. If you were less useless you might have figured that one out yourself.
“Well how about I disassemble you then and see who’s the useless one then!” Ezra muttered under his breath, then yelping as Chop sent an arc of electricity through the metal tool box and into his hand. “I’m going to be murdered by an insane astromech. What is wrong with this ship?”
. . .
The worst was about a week after that. Not even because it was markedly more suspicious, but because it was from Sabine. After the gift she gave him for his birthday he thought...well, he thought she’d trust him to at least be honest about everything. What more did he have to do to prove himself?
After walking outside for a few hours through the Lothal fields, watching the landscape for trouble and spotting the occasional loth-cat, they headed inside so Sabine could show him a new sketch. Just as they walked into her room Ezra heard a strange, intermittent, low-pitched, almost humming sound coming from the bow side wall. “What part of the ship makes that sound when we’re landed and mostly powered down?” Ezra asked, brows furrowing as he strained to listen, moving closer to track the sound through the bulkhead.
Sabine jumped up so quickly several loose sheets of paper scattered to the floor as she grabbed her sketchbook. “Oh yeah, that’s the..uh..heating coil, it’s always making that sound, goes on for ages, super annoying but totally normal, let’s look at these in the galley instead, much quieter there!” Her words spilled out too quickly and too brightly, pushing out of her mouth as fast and firmly as she was pushing him out the door all the way into the lounge.
Once there Ezra spun round, looking straight at Sabine. “Seriously? Do you all really think I can’t tell when you’re lying about something? What is going on on this ship?”
Sabine started to respond quickly, still with that too-bright expression of feigned lightness. But then she paused several moments, her face slowly falling to a look that seemed a mix of guilt and concern. “I’m sorry...it’s not you but...” her voice trailed off and her eyes shifted away from his gaze.
Ezra clenched his fists and tried to fight down the anger and frustration building in him. “I get it, it’s a rebellion, lives are at risk. At any point we could end up captured and tortured by terrifying people who spent way too much time getting good at breaking folks like us.” He took a breath. “But can’t you all at least have the decency to say ‘Rebel stuff, it’s classified’ instead of treating me like an idiot when everyone else on this ship is clearly aware of what’s happening?”
Sabine was silent for a time, then finally sighed and raised her face to meet his gaze. Her expression had shifted to what seemed like sadness, but with just the corners of her eyes turned up, more bittersweet the more he looked. “It’s not what you’re thinking, and it’s... complicated.” She rolled her eyes a bit and chuckled but with only a hair of mirth. “Should be so simple, and yet...somehow it’s ridiculously complicated. Some secrets aren’t mine to share. But...” She took a deep breath, shoulders coming back up and squared to face him, “You’re a part of this ship, you should know - “
“That he’d missed training. Again?” Ezra and Sabine both jumped at Kanan’s booming voice echoing through the hallway, Sabine’s face draining slightly of color in a heartbeat, followed by just a hint of relief.
She leaned in to whisper just before Kanan entered the room. “I’ll explain it next time we’re off ship together, I promise,” she said, grabbing her sketchbook and jumping out the door away from the irate Jedi headed Ezra’s way.
“Hey Kanan...sorry, Sabine and I were just - “ Ezra started before Kanan grabbed him by the shoulders and immediately started lecturing him yet again on dedication to duty in loud, exasperated tones that echoed down the metal bulkheads of the Ghost .
. . .
He held the piece of metal in his lap, turning it over and over again. A lightsaber. A real, actual lightsaber. He still couldn’t quite believe it. As a kid he and the others played games at being epic heroes, reading stories of great adventurers and pretending to be them, but after his parents he had to stop such childish imaginings and focus just on surviving. And now he was really a hero, doing something incredible and important, and he had something real that he could hold in his hands to prove it. He had passed his trials, Kanan was his teacher, the Ghost was his home, and he was an equal part of this crew.
Ezra stood up. It was time to be the adult and ask the questions himself rather than hoping others would tell him. He deserved to know the secrets of this ship. After returning from the Jedi temple with Kanan he and Sabine could have arranged to get away for that chat, but Ezra had let it drop. She clearly had felt it was something that should come from Kanan, not her. He was mature enough to see that now, and to ask Kanan directly.
He left his bunk, walking past Zeb and Sabine in the lounge playing Dejarik on the holotable (with Chopper adding some very explicit commentary on the current and future deaths of the pieces - seriously there was something wrong with that droid, a creature of logic and circuits shouldn’t be capable of such manaical, murderous glee). Hera and Kanan were sitting next to each other in the galley, torsos together with her head resting against Kanan’s shoulder. Soft murmurs uttered between them were all Ezra could hear even a few feet away as Hera held a datapad and pointed to something on it as Kanan followed her hand with his eyes.
Ezra stood there a moment waiting for them to notice him but after a minute or two it started to feel a bit awkward. He considered that maybe the really mature thing was actually just to ignore it all and he should just slowly back away when Kanan suddenly looked around to see him.
“Need something?” Kanan asked, looking at Ezra expectantly. Hera sat up a bit, quickly but smoothly shifting her weight away from Kanan, now that they weren’t trying to read the same datapad.
Ezra took a deep breath. “I need to ask you something, about how things happen on this ship.”
After a moment of silence waiting for Ezra to continue with nothing added, Kanan raised an eyebrow and asked with a slight smirk, “and what exactly is stopping you?”
Ezra almost backed down but decided no, this was the time. In a loud, clear voice speaking only a little too quickly he said “I know that some things are being planned without me and I think that at this point I’ve earned a spot at being part of these discussions. Even Chopper is included, and I know he’s your droid Hera but I really think that - “
“That Ezra should get to pick one of the meals sometime!” Sabine practically shouted, running up from behind and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. It would have felt affectionate if not for the sharp pain as she dug her fingernails into his arm.
“What? No, I mean - “ Ezra started but was cut off.
Sabine looked at him intently with a smile showing a lot of teeth but in more of a “I will feast on your bones if you cross me” sort of way. Maybe Chopper got lessons from her at some point on being terrifying. “I TOLD you I would tell you all about our... food plan next time we went to to market together.”
Hera and Kanan wordlessly both turned to look at each other and then back up at their crewmates with matched expressions of confusion.
When it came to understanding women Ezra could admit that he was...less than skilled, but while he was incredibly off balance in the conversation he realized that, whatever was happening, Sabine REALLY did not want him to ask Kanan about everything, so he decided to follow her lead.
“Umm...yeah, I wanted to ask about being involved in the...food plan, uh...” he strangled out, hoping Sabine would at least let him know how he was supposed to make this conversation work now.
Zeb’s rough voice shot up from behind him. “I told him that we have a good thing going, we buy our supplies regularly for meals we all like, no waste or extra expenses, but he won’t shut up about the amazing Kazart wraps they have here on Lothal and how we all just need to try them!” Ezra could hear Zeb’s steps as he meandered slowly over to the conversation just a hair too intent in his movements to be nonchalant.
Sabine jumped in too, “yeah, he’s been talking about it for weeks now, keeps saying they’re the best street foot ever, we definitely have to do them for dinner!” She smiled at Hera and Kanan. “Important part of local culture and all.”
Kanan looked at the three of them. “Uh huh. So to be clear, you thought you needed to get permission to ask me if we can . . . try a new meal for dinner sometime?”
So much for looking like a mature adult . Ezra put on a sheepish grin, “well I know money’s tight but we nicked a few credits off that tied up Imperial the other day, thought it might be a nice treat?”
Hera closed her eyes in wry amusement and started to speak when Chopper’s beeps chimed in. Usless_Small_Organic’s maintenance was not completed for his planetary rotation recognition. Additional maintenance required for optimal functioning, current day most efficient time.
Hera blinked slowly, an expression of confusion then shifting to disbelief on her face, looking from Chopper to Sabine then Zeb and Ezra then back to Chopper. “So...to be clear, all of you wanted to try this local treat for dinner, and Chopper ” she slowed on the name with emphasis, “remembered that we didn’t do a meal to celebrate Ezra’s birthday and he felt that we should make up for that today, so Ezra decided to make a formal request for dinner tonight and you all came to support him?” she asked in a wry tone of blatant disbelief. The response was varied but non-specific murmurs and beeps of agreement and firm nods of heads from the four of them, with Chopper at one point attempting to spin his mechanical pincers in a rough approximation of a thumbs up sign.
A rough chuckle finally emanated from deep in Kanan’s chest. “What in the Force is going on in this ship?” But his tone was laughing and soft, seemingly more a rhetorical question than one he expected an answer to, and he just shook his head and sighed. “And who exactly is to be tasked with retrieving dinner from the market tonight?” he asked with a tone that said he already knew the answer.
Ezra opened his mouth to suggest he and Sabine go so she could finally explain exactly what the force-forsaken mess this had turned into actually was, but Zeb jumped in. “Ezra and I can’t, we have to finish processing the supplies we got off that Imperial freighter.” Zeb smacked him on the back with enough force to make Ezra cough, “uh yeah, right, gotta log all of that” Ezra agreed.
Hera looked to Sabine, “well how about we go grab - “ Chopper suddenly jumped in. Bright_Metal_Organic required for aesthetic repairs to Phantom.
“How badly did the paint get scratched this time?” Hera asked with an arch tone, crossing her hands over her chest and staring pointedly.
Sabine jumped in. “Barely at all, I’ll have us looking great in no time. Chop’s going to help make sure all the lines are even, great optical sensors on him, right buddy?” she smiled, tapping on the top of his chassis. Chopper bristled for a moment, tilting away from Sabine’s touch before suddenly shifting even closer under her hand and beeping a short and weirdly bright Affirmative .
Ezra watched as Kanan and Hera turned to face each other. An entire conversation sparked between them in silence, rapid small movements flickering back and forth between their bodies. A raised eyebrow, a sideways upturn in the corner of a mouth, a breath held and released, shoulders, neck, and hips moving back and forth in some secret language only they knew. In just a few heartbeats a decision was apparently reached, with Hera smiling exasperatedly and shaking her head with a soft chuckle as Kanan stood up and did an exaggerated stretch.
“Fine, since apparently our crew may mutiny if they don’t get special fried meat wrapped in bread, care to join me for a walk to procure dinner, Captain?” Kanan said with mock formality and a clipped bow, before his mouth curved up into a grin as his eyes met hers.
Hera held his gaze as she slowly matched his wry grin. “Looks like we don’t have much of a choice. Funny that” she said, turning to look at the four of them, giving Chopper a very distinct and meaningful look as she slid out of the galley seat, then placing her arm lightly on Kanan’s as she moved. “I’ll grab my bag, be right back” she said, walking towards her room.
Kanan watched Hera move down the hallway, his eyes lingering as she disappeared into the hatch.
Sabine took the opportunity to grab Chopper and make for the ramp out, apparently forgetting the paints they were supposed to be using for the exterior. “Have fun, we’ll be done by the time you’re back!”
Zeb used the distraction to slowly back away out of Kanan’s line of sight just as Kanan’s eyes snapped back to Ezra. “Dinner, huh?” his master said, Kanan’s face becoming an utterly blank canvas before Ezra’s eyes, no hint of any emotion or turmoil beneath it. Ezra really needed Kanan to teach him that trick.
“Yup, dinner” Ezra said, trying to match the same unconcerned tone and only warbling a smidge.
Kanan put a hand to his face, shaking his head slowly. “I need to teach you how to play Sabbac before we give you any more undercover work,” then headed towards Hera’s door without another word or backwards look to Ezra.
Ezra watched the two from the cargo bay as they slowly walked towards town, their fingers twining together, not quite holding hands, as their steps fell into a matched pace. He heard the faint echos of quiet laughter rolling over the fields as the pair disappeared down the path. After another moment to be certain the were out of earshot, he turned and yelled “Can SOMEONE tell me what the heck was all of that?”
. . .
Sitting back around the holotable, though mercifully turned off so Chopper couldn’t provide the commentary track, Sabine began. “Look, it’s not something we intentionally meant to keep from you, it’s just... this might be a bit of a surprise but Hera and Kanan are...dating.”
Ezra looked shocked. “What? Seriously?”
Zeb jumped in “I know it’s not expected but - “
“Aren’t they married?” Ezra asked confusedly.
All three froze a moment before Sabine finally said “no, just...well...” while Zeb looked pensive.
“Honestly maybe they are? It’s not like they’ve told us either way?” he said, his furred hand scratching his chin.
“Wait, you knew they were a couple?” Sabine asked incredulously.
Ezra looked at her like she had been hit on the head. “Have you seen those two? She literally calls him ‘my love’, they make moon eyes at each other all the time, and anytime one of them returns from a dangerous mission the other wasn’t on they do that thing where they touch foreheads together and put their hands on each other’s shoulders without speaking. Only married people do that.”
Zeb looked like a scholar at a symposium turning over a new philosophy as he stared into nothing. “I mean it would make sense. I thought it was just because they didn’t want the rebels calling the shots to know they were an item and the head touching thing was less obvious than kissing if folks were concerned about clouded judgment and all, but old married couple would fit too.”
“And you never wondered why they have separate bunks?” asked Sabine.
Ezra shrugged, “I just assumed Kanan snored really bad.” Ezra paused, looking confused. “Why hasn’t anyone just asked them?”
Sabine bit her lip. “Anytime I tried to bring it up early on Hera always seemed really uncomfortable.” She sighed, then continued, “I don’t know if it’s Zeb’s theory that they’re worried about people thinking they can’t work together effectively if they’re together romantically, or if it has something to do with the assumptions so many people have about Twi’lek women and fears folks would reduce her from Captain and rebel leader to lady sleeping with the Jedi.” She suddenly snapped her head up and smacked his arm. “Wait, if you knew, why did you keep pushing about this? We could have avoided this whole ridiculous thing! Hera’s going to be so suspicious!”
“What do you mean, I just...” Ezra stopped for a moment and froze in horror, “wait, all those times when you all tried to keep me away from one of them it was....”
The embarrassed looks on Sabine and Zeb’s faces made the answer clear.
Mom requires regular systems maintenance for optimal functioning. Mom’s_Jedi serves essential role in maintaining organic reproduction system and other various hormonal systems.
“That’s what they were doing in the cockpit? We sit there all the time! That is not hygienic” Ezra yelled, horrified.
Sabine jumped in, “no, not that time. They just like to look at the stars together in hyperspace sometimes. But a few weeks ago...”
The humming noises from the wall made a lot more sense suddenly and Ezra winced at the accidental image his brain provided.
Mom requires shutdown period of not being Mom, then can be Best Mom later. Organics require more shutdowns than droids. Interruptions to Mom’s non-Mom time will be eliminated with extreme prejudice. Chopper brought out the spinning rotary blade and revved it a few times for emphasis.
Zeb clapped a hand on Ezra’s shoulder. “What we do is dangerous business. On the rare chances they get to be alone together, to do whatever that may be, who are we to interrupt?”
Sabine met Ezra’s eyes. “They spend so much time fighting the Empire, rescuing people, looking out for us. I think maybe they like having their relationship be something special, just for them.” Her eyes held that same bittersweet look from before, but it seemed slightly warmer this time. “We don’t need to know exactly why. We try to...let them have spaces to just be together sometimes, even if it’s just them reading a datapad together.”
Ezra thought of how much Kanan had done for him and his training, and all of the work Hera did to keep them all safe against literal armies while also saving so many others. It made sense in a way - so much of what they did was for everyone else, maybe it was easier for them like this. You don’t think of your parents as a couple, you focus on who they are to you, but their relationship is the bedrock a family was built on. Ezra smiled a bit to himself. This family might be weird, but it was a nice kind of weird he supposed.
. . .
Things likely would have been more awkward that night if the Kazart wraps weren’t literally the best food all of them had tasted in ages; it lended far more credibility than the kids could have guessed. Looking around the table as Zeb and Kanan fought over the last of the orange wraps and Chopper made snide beeps at them both while Sabine showed Hera a new sketch she had just completed, Ezra caught a sliver of Hera and Kanan’s knees lightly pressed together under the table. He grinned and shook his head almost imperceptibly before jumping under Kanan’s and Zeb’s hands to snag the last treat and shove it into his laughing mouth. The resulting threats, giggles, and cries of “cheater” echoed through the walls. He never would have thought metal bulkheads could be so cozy.
After dinner ended folks slowly began to make their way to various spaces on the ship, until just Ezra and Kanan were left. The silence descended slowly but then with a striking intensity, until Ezra realized perhaps he wasn’t getting out of this entirely. “So...” he said, looking expectantly at Kanan, letting the syllable hang in the air.
Kanan’s face returned to that blank expression from before, though now Ezra could see undercurrents of mirth in the corners of his eyes. “Yes?” Kanan asked in a perfectly neutral tone.
Ezra looked down, “uh...I thought maybe you wanted me to tell you about something?” he said, his voice betraying his discomfort.
Kanan chucked and broke into a grin. “Nope, I think we’re all good.”
“Really?” Ezra looked up in surprise.
Kanan rested his hand on Ezra’s shoulder, a comforting weight. “If I tried to understand every ridiculous bit of shenanigans that happened on this ship, especially with you four, I’d never have a moment’s peace and would need to be far more concerned for all of our sanity. You all clearly had your reasons, that’s enough for me.”
“You’d just...trust us...without asking any questions?” Ezra asked.
Kanan shrugged, “eh, Chopper hasn’t tried to kill me in ages, seems like a safe bet.”
Ezra’s brain was stuck between wanting to ask for details and wanting to drop everything before he got himself in more trouble. Discretion won out, but he made a note to ask Chopper later (if anyone would gleefully reccount a murder attempt it would be him). “Thank you” he said softly.
“No thanks needed, literally just avoiding a headache” Kanan said, walking Ezra towards the bunks.
Ezra paused a moment, then turned to face him. “I mean, for everything...today was...really everything since I met you all has been...really good. I don’t think I’ve said that enough”
Kanan smiled and took a breath, then lightly flicked Ezra’s forehead. “That’s what family’s for, kid.”
Ezra watched Kanan head to his bunk, across the hall from Hera’s. Kanan was right. Ezra didn’t need to know exactly why Hera and Kanan kept something private, he didn’t need every detail of everything that happened on the ship; they were happy and that’s all that mattered. The six of them would uncover the secret plots of the Empire given time and luck, but when you’re surrounded by suspicion and intrigue every day maybe it was nice to just trust that your family would always have your back.