Chapter Text
Cold and soaked to the bone, Powder was alone and floating amongst the surface of the lake. Big, sad eyes were cast up into the starry sky above her, but her attention was elsewhere as a deep longing swam inside her own lake-like gaze. She’s been drifting for a while now.
She was probably going to get sick if she stayed out here any longer, not that she was actually concerned about it. Powder was unwell most of the time anyways. Maybe this time she’d be lucky enough not to recover, to finally be put out of her misery.
It’s not like she necessarily wanted to die-- the girl was just tired. Tired of existing, of expectations, of her environment, of everything. Maybe an eternal rest was what she needed to not feel so bad all the time anymore. Maybe it’s what she needed to not be a burden anymore. Or to just not be a jinx.
Memories of her fight with Vi came flooding back. A tidal wave of depression crashed over the bluenette, tempting to drag her under the depths. Liquid filling her lungs and slowly killing her didn’t sound so bad when it meant she wouldn’t have to get yelled at by her sister again. Anoxia seemed like it would be less painful than Vi’s fists.
“I told you to stay away!”
Her cheek still stung.
A slow and shaky breath, her lower lip being pinched between her teeth to stifle a sob, a tear sliding down the side of her face. It hurt to think about. She wished she didn’t have to think.
“You’re a jinx! Do you hear me?!”
This feeling was eating her alive. She should have listened to Violet. She shouldn’t have gone there, shouldn’t have gotten involved. All she does is ruin things.
Rising from the water’s embrace, Powder carefully trudged through the murky fluid and back onto the grass. Crickets chirped all around her as she sighed and wrung out her hair. The wet clothes clung to her body uncomfortably, making her limbs feel heavy while she made her way past the trees. The night breeze was merciless, causing her to shiver the whole way.
She knew she had to, but she really didn’t want to go home. Couldn’t she just stay here forever? What was the harm, really? Not like she was actually wanted anywhere else anyways. Gone the whole day, and no one had even come looking for her. Was anyone even waiting for her at home?
The closer she got to the Last Drop, the more her anxiety started to warp the world around her. Everything was spinning and twisting, spiraling and sinking. Dizziness overtook her the moment the bar’s sign came into view, and the sensation was so sudden and intense it threatened to make her puke right then and there.
Still, she kept going.
Pushing open the door and brushing past the crowd of customers taking up space, Powder kept her head down and did her best to ignore the looks she earned for her drenched appearance. She knew she must have looked like a drowned rat, but she didn’t have the energy to feel ashamed or embarrassed about it right now. So she just kept walking.
Mylo was the one working behind the counter tonight, but he didn’t so much as glance in her direction when she passed by. Good. He’d probably just insult her anyways if he had noticed she was there.
However, Vander had caught sight of her instantly. He quickly muttered a silent apology to whoever he was sitting with as he then got up and maneuvered around the tables to make his way over to the girl.
She was really hoping she’d be able to just sneak past everyone and go straight to her room, but alas. No such luck would befall her.
“Powder! Hold it right there, I’d like a word with you.” He called out, keeping her from exiting into the living space beyond the bar.
Frail shoulders slumped. The bluenette stopped in her tracks, but she didn’t turn around to face the towering man. She didn’t wanna see that pitiful look she knew was on his face. She hated it always being directed at her.
You’re pitying yourself the way you always think like that. Just look at what you’ve been doing today. Ran away like a baby because you got what was coming to you, and here you are now, feeling bad for yourself. You’re worse than what you hate.
No, that’s not right. Powder is what she hates. Nobody hates her more than she hates herself. It’s why she can’t blame any of them.
Vander halted behind her, sighing silently. There was a brief pause before he gently asked, “You were missing all day and come back after sundown dripping from head to toe all over the floorboards. What happened?”
She shrugged without speaking up, knowing this conversation would end faster if she simply didn’t participate in it. Glassy eyes stayed glued to her feet.
“Nothing’s wrong, is there? You’re alright?”
She shook her head, murmuring a small, “Everything’s good. I’m good.”
He didn’t look like he believed her, but he withdrew anyway. “Go dry off and get to bed before you catch a cold. We can talk in the morning.” A dismissal. He knew this wasn’t going to go anywhere. Not tonight, at least.
But he doesn’t really care about her, he just thinks it’s his responsibility to act like he does. It’s to make himself feel better, if anything. At least he can say he tried, right?
Besides, everyone knows Vi is Vander’s favorite. In comparison to her, Powder certainly isn’t second or third, or probably even in line at all, honestly. Just the pathetic runt of the litter you can’t help but feel pity towards. It’s not care. There’s a difference.
Still, she nodded her head to him quietly and headed down into the hall past the oaken door at the back of the Drop.
Wishing all the while that she wasn’t here at all.
Claggor was passed out on the couch in the living room, snoring loudly with a throw pillow hugged to his chest. Vi was nowhere to be seen, which meant there was only one place she could be.
Dread formed in the pit of Powder’s stomach.
She carefully shuffled by, slipping soundlessly into the bathroom and locking the door. Thankfully, she had left a spare set of pajamas in the closet, which meant she didn’t have to risk going into her shared bedroom and encountering Vi.
Yet.
Slow and steady breathing. In and out. Do it as many times as it takes until your heart calms down. Things aren’t as bad as your brain makes them out to be. It’s okay. You’re okay. Everything is going to be okay.
And yet, she was suddenly regretting leaving the lake.
She shook her head, dismissing the thought as she grabbed a towel to start drying her hair with. Part of her wanted to get in the shower and wash the lingering smell of moss off her body, but she was too drained for it right now. Even if it bought her more time to procrastinate seeing her sister, Powder just wanted to hurry up and get it all over with so she could go to bed already.
A knock at the door pulled her from her thoughts, “Vi? Is that you in there?” Claggor.
“It’s me,” Powder spoke up, hoping her voice didn’t sound as small and weak as she felt it did. It was hard to raise it to an audible volume with the lump in her throat. “I’ll be out in a minute. Sorry.”
Nothing else was said past that, and the girl quickly peeled off her wet clothes and changed into fresh ones. The silence was so loud. She tried to ignore it.
Stepping back out into the hall, she glanced into the living room to see Claggor back on the couch, tapping away on his phone. She considered letting him know she was out, but figured he would see the door open whenever he looked up anyways, so she just turned and headed for her room instead.
Every nerve in her body was screaming at her as she reached out for the handle, begging her to go anywhere else but in there. She didn’t listen to them, grabbing the chilled piece of metal and pushing it down. Her heart skipped a beat when the door swung open, but the space was empty. Violet wasn’t here.
For some reason, there was no relief at the realization.
But Powder is too tired to care. Even as the tears started to burn again behind her eyes, she found herself too tired to think about it anymore. Vi isn’t here. Vi doesn’t want to be around her. Vi hates her. She was tired of being sad about it. All she wanted to do was climb into bed and go to sleep.
And that’s exactly what she did.