Chapter Text
It’s been three years since the music box incident.
Powder had told Vi time and time again that what happened between them really wasn’t that big of a deal and that they were fine. She just needed some time away from her older sister to work on herself a little bit because while she did finally come to terms with the fact that it was an accident and nobody seriously blamed her for starting the fire, she still wanted to stop making so many mistakes and causing problems for others-- intentional or not.
But despite the reassurances, Vi still feels like a piece of her heart was broken off and left behind on that day. The haunting feeling of something missing never seemed to go away no matter how hard she tried to fill that void with newer and happier memories. It’s like there was a permanent scar on her soul-- which felt dramatic to be thinking, but it was honestly the only way she could think to explain it. The scar was small and faded and only visible to her, but it was there and it wasn’t going anywhere.
The missing chunk of her heart had unruly blue hair and a goofy smile, and always rambled about the weirdest, most intricate things it took interest in. The missing chunk of her heart was a fragile thing, who was scared of the dark and made up irrational scenarios like monsters hiding just out of sight in the shadows or in tiny crevices, waiting for the perfect moment for its prey to let their guard down so it could attack. The missing chunk of her heart used to only find solace with her, used to only want to be around her, used to show her in both big and small ways just how much it loved her. But all of that went away after that day.
Powder didn’t need Vi anymore. Over the course of these last three years, she’d been drifting away more and more, and relying on her older sister less and less. It was like an invisible brick wall was steadily being built between them.
Maybe at one point in the past, when Vi was a lot younger and her immaturity was peaking, she would have been relieved to finally have her little sister off her back, but nowadays, the idea just made her feel painfully lonely.
The Powder that existed today was a lot different than the one Vi knew so well from before. She changed so much so fast, becoming someone totally different in what felt like the blink of an eye. She’d mentioned before that she was aiming to become a version of herself that she could actually like, but the transformation has been so drastic it made Vi wonder just how deep her dislike for herself went. Made Vi wonder how much her past actions and words played into Powder’s self-hatred.
It wasn’t just Vi, though-- everyone had taken notice of how much the younger girl was changing. At first, the others were all really proud of her because she was learning how to take care of herself better and be more independent. But then she started drifting away from everybody, like she was a balloon they’d unexpectedly let slip away and were forced to watch float off out of their grasp.
She was almost always on her own, never letting anyone know what was going on, and would sometimes disappear for days in a row without explanation. Vander just says to leave her be, that she’s a teenager now and as long as she is coming back home safely that’s what’s most important. He’d talk to her about it himself, find a way to calmly and peacefully handle the situation.
But that didn’t do much to settle Vi’s nerves.
It’s not like Powder was vanishing from her world entirely, but it damn near felt like it compared to how close they used to be with each other in the past. It was strange, Vi being beside Powder but feeling like she was watching her grow up from a distance. Always being at arm’s length to a person she at one point knew better than she ever really knew herself.
Her little sister stopped opening up to her, didn’t show Vi any of her art or inventions anymore, wouldn’t even try to pull her obnoxious ass pranks on Vi anymore. Every smile and laugh Vi was offered in these last few years were never actually for her, it was just crumbs she happened to catch falling into her hands if she kept reaching them out as desperately as she’d been doing. Beggar and stranger-- that’s all they were to each other now.
Even though Powder had said several times before that everything was okay between them and that she forgave Vi for the reaction she had, the older girl couldn’t help but feel like it just wasn’t true. If everything was really alright, then why does it feel so wrong? It was so disorienting to think about.
Sometimes, she really just wished she could stop thinking for a while, but any distractions she’d attempt to partake in never seems to last long enough before the reality of her situation comes hammering down on her mind for the millionth time over. Any hope of gaining even an ounce of actual closure or clarification for these numbing feelings felt so bleak. It didn’t matter how many times she tried to talk to Powder about it.
All that her efforts have managed to do is push her sister further and further away, which is the exact opposite of Vi’s goals. She doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do, she doesn’t know how she can fix whatever this is-- if it even is possible for her to fix it at all. She just doesn’t know.
Powder’s side to the story is so incredibly, tiringly different from her sister’s.
She knows she’s hurting Vi, but she doesn’t know how to stop. She doesn’t want to be hurting her, but she just... She doesn’t know what she’s doing either. Not really. She’s trying to be better, but it’s not working. Somehow, everyone else thinks it’s working, but it’s not.
Powder didn’t get stronger, she just got more skilled at pretending to be. She didn’t become more independent, she just became more afraid of sharing her thoughts or feelings with anyone. That’s why she steers clear from the others. If they get too close then they’ll notice she’s still that weak, useless, clumsy little kid, so she keeps them all at a distance so they’ll hopefully never know. It’s a fake it till you make it kind of deal, but she’s not actually sure if she ever will make it.
When she thinks about what happened back then, it’s like a tidal wave of crippling self-hatred crashes into her soul and floods her mind. All she can focus on is how much she wishes she could be someone else, how much she wishes she wasn’t such a screw up, how much she wishes she could have done things differently.
Defective to her very core, she couldn’t even do something as simple as make her sister happy. Even after how much she’s changed, she still can’t do that. She can’t do anything right.
Vi doesn’t need her. Vi never needed her. All Powder’s ever been was a burden, an unnecessary weight on her shoulders, an unbearable source of stress in her life. That’s not what she wants.
She’s trying to be more aware of herself and the effect she has on others. Reflecting on the past, she realizes just how negative her influence has been, even though it was never on purpose. Yes, she was just a child, but still. She doesn’t want to be perceived as a problem or to be associated with the loss of freedom her sister had to endure for the sake of caring for her. All she wants is to make up for all the bad she carried along with her and unknowingly unloaded onto others in her upbringing.
Isolation seemed like the only logical path.
Sure, she might be so agonizingly lonely she feels like she can’t go on some days, but it’s for the best. It might be tough right now, but eventually, they’ll all see how their lives are thriving in her absence. They’ll realize that this is a good thing. And eventually, she will too.
Because, after all, Vi did tell her to stay away.