Work Text:
“Good idea, Red!” snickered Bebe in approval. Her eyes were gleaming as she turned back to her small audience. They all looked back at her with morbid curiosity, save for Wendy who shot Bebe and Red a look of nervous disapproval as her grip on Stan’s arm tightened possessively. “So who’s in?”
A few spectators made their way over to Bebe to form a circle. But it wasn’t enough to satisfy her. She pouted and scanned the remaining group. Kyle wilted as her eyes met his. Red lips quickly spread into a grin and he knew he was screwed. He was starting to regret showing up at all.
Kyle was usually not one to go to parties. Not because he necessarily disliked them and definitely not because he wasn’t invited. In a town like South Park invitations were deemed unnecessary. No, he simply had a lot else going for him. Maybe too much in fact. He didn’t know how or why, but trouble seemed to be drawn to him and his friends. Though if he had to guess, he’d blame the fat kid.
Said fat kid was standing right next to him with an idiotic grin and an equally idiotic tiger print coat. This whole party thing was his idea, unsurprisingly. Kyle was starting to think of it as yet another diabolical punishment for existing. But he’d ultimately agreed to come because his parents were out for the weekend and he had nothing better to do.
“We need an even amount of girls and boys, guys,” The sound of Bebe’s exasperated voice broke him out of his thoughts. Their classmates all looked at each other in contemplation before finally realising that this party couldn’t get any more boring if it tried, so they might as well give in and play some games.
“How about you guys?” Bebe tried smoothly, supposedly directing her words to the main four, but only looking at Kyle. “Kyle, Kenny, er Stan?” She glanced at Wendy who glared back with tired eyes but ultimately shrugged in a defeated manner. “And… Cartman…” she grimaced. Kyle may not be interested in Bebe, but seeing her disgusted by the thought but resigned to inviting Cartman and said man’s offended reaction, just about made his night.
“Screw you, Bebe…” Muttered Cartman as he made his way over regardless. Kenny had enthusiastically already joined the circle and Stan took a seat next to his girlfriend. It’d be weird if Kyle didn’t join as well. So he did.
“I’ve never played this before” Admitted Lola much to Kyle’s relief. Of course he knew what 7 minutes in heaven was, but he didn’t know any of the rules. “How do we do this?”
“It’s easy,” Bebe reached for a writing pad and a pen. She bit her lip as she once again scanned the crowd in thought, following her line of sight with the pen in her hand before scribbling something on her block. She turned it towards the expecting crowd. “I’ve written everyone’s name down,” She divided the paper into little torn squares, which she crumpled and piled in the circle’s foci. “I’ll draw two names. The two lucky ones get to spend 7 minutes in heaven, the closet, together. Red, Nellie or I will start the timer as soon as we close the door and once the 7 minutes have passed we’ll open the door without knocking,” she giggled. “I don’t have any lamp in the closet so it’ll be fairly dark. No phones allowed…The rest of us can play something else while they’re in there I guess.” She was met by silence. No one was truly eager to be stuck in a dark, small space for 7 minutes. But there was of course a chance that you’d end up with a desired partner, or any member of your preferred sex you fancy.
“You ready?” Everyone nodded and leaned in in anticipation. Bebe hovered her hand above the pile before finally diving in for the first two names “Kevin and Patty!”
The game went on like that for a while. With people leaving to go into a closet every 7 minutes with fear stricken faces, and coming out flustered, relieved or deadpan. Kyle had started to dissociate himself from the game and instead focused on the game they were all currently playing, namely truth or dare. It wasn’t until the next lot was drawn that a familiar name peaked his interest.
“Cartman,” announced Bebe worriedly and excitedly. “And…” She picked up another piece of paper, which made her face drop before it immediately lit up again in disbelief “and Kyle!”
The room went quiet for a few seconds before it erupted into “no way!”’s, chuckles and gasps. Kyle stayed silent, and deadly still. His blood had run cold, making it feel like he truly was frozen stuck to the floor. For he couldn’t imagine a worse outcome. Cartman must have rigged it somehow! This has got to be another one of his sick pranks. But how could he express this without it looking like he's the one being a paranoid maniac?! His speculations over Cartman always resulted in him being regarded as such, no matter if he was right or not, no matter if he knew the bastard well enough to see right through him.
He dared glare at Cartman who didn’t look guilty in any way. When did he ever? No, instead he looked as shocked and unsure as Kyle; mirroring his expression completely, even the accusatory glance.
“Well come on, boys!” chided Bebe as she led them to the wardrobe, which earned a couple of chuckles from the captivated audience and resulted in red cheeks for the both of them. Before they could protest any further, however, they were pushed into the narrow space one after the other.
Kyle’s first thought was that it wasn’t as dark as he thought it would be. He could still make out his own body and the silhouette across from him. The second was that it was very isolated, and very claustrophobic. The third was: ‘Oh my god I have to stay in this dark room with CARTMAN for nearly ten minutes’. What made it even worse was that it was impossible to avoid the bigger man. Not only did he take up much needed space, he also sat comfortably spread out which meant that their knees were touching each other. With Cartman’s mass, it was like he was stuck in a closet with two other people.
Kyle sighed, already agitated by the presence of Cartman and not intending to start a conversation. Cartman seemed to have other plans. He grinned at the sight of Kyle’s expression.
“Gee, Kyle, you really gotta start dusting out your vagina. Any more sand up there and I think you’ll explode,” He waits for Kyle’s reaction, clenched fists and a face to match his hair. Satisfied with that, he snatches Kyle’s hat off, much to Kyle’s protest. “And it looks like the fuse is already lit” He said faux worriedly.
“Oh no! Your face,” Kyle sure feels like his face was lit dynamite waiting to explode “I think it’s happening, Kahl. This is what happens when you don’t clean out your vagina, Kahl. I’m so sorry. I should have warned youuu!”
“Boom!” Cartman makes an explosive movement over Kyle’s head that ruffles his hair, which admittedly does look like a mushroom cloud, before falling back in laughter.
“Ha. Ha. Very funny, fatass” He rolled his eyes. “Look, if you can just keep quiet for five minutes this might actually be bearable”
“Ha! As if!” He sobered. “No, this is the only place you cannot run from. You’re not getting away that easily”
“What?” Kyle narrowed his eyes, worried at what the fatass might be up to this time.
“My game, Kahl?! Can I get my Twilight Princess game back?” He straightened to show he meant business.
“Dude, you don’t even like Zelda,” He paused for a second trying to figure out if he actually had his game “And you wouldn’t even let me fucking borrow it!”
“Duh? That’s why you stole it, you sneaky thief!”
“I didn’t steal it! You just lost it after months of not playing it” he pinched his nose in frustration. Shifting and squirming around did nothing when he just kept bumping legs with Cartman.
“Your tricks won’t work on me, jewboy” he puffed out his chest “I can see right through you.”
“You can see right through me?” He asked incredulously, trying to point towards his chest but barely succeeding in anything other than elbowing Cartman in his fat, soft stomach. They’ve only been here for a minute or so, but it was already growing uncomfortably hot.
“Yeah!”
“Oh please, as if you’re not the most transparent person ever,” Cartman raised an eyebrow at that. If there was one thing he was known for it was his unpredictability. It was a true insult to call him anything else. So he leaned in closer to study Kyle’s face, looking for cracks.
“Enlighten me, Kahl,” Kyle could feel his hot breath against his cheek and lips as he uttered those words, challengingly and most importantly condescendingly. As if he expected Kyle to have no answer at the ready. But he did.
“Figuring out your motivation? Easy! Yourself. It’s always yourself, with no exception. And once you know that, one can read you like an open book!” He smiled back triumphantly, not backing down from Cartman’s invasion of his private space. Instead closing in tauntingly.
“Of course it’s always me. Who else would it be?” Cartman huffed, though he wouldn’t give up so easily. “That doesn’t prove anything, though. Motivation doesn’t make me predictable!”
“Maybe not,” Kyle laughed “But it is predictable how your eyes crinkle and your pupils dilate every time you lie. And how you look down to your left and fidget with your fingers - middle finger resting between the thumb and the pointer- every time you’re nervous” Kyle stared at Cartman’s aimed eyes. Cartman was losing this argument, confirmed by his nervousness. He tried to shift as well, spluttering out an incoherent retaliation that only widened Kyle’s grin. Cartman’s legs were now flush next to his, as if fused together in the tight space.
“You’re one to talk about predictability,” Cartman had finally come back to his senses. “Everytime you win a game your first instinct is always to turn to me and flaunt a cocky smile, even if I’m not the one you’re competing against. And you always come to the bus exactly 5 minutes before it comes. And your bedroom! It’s a nightmare, with your organised drawers,” He contemplated this for a second “Though it’s a lot easier to retrieve my stuff when you have a drawer dedicated to it,”
“I don’t steal your stuff!” Defended Kyle lamely, putting his hands out in defence but only meeting Cartman's solid chest. “The only time I take anything from you is when you’re gonna use it for another one of your diabolical plans”
“Right. Last time I checked, it's called stealing, Kahl” Cartman casually picked up Kyle’s warm hand off of his chest, which made Kyle wither with embarrassment, and dropped it back down onto Kyle’s knees. Since their legs were fused, however, Kyle’s hand remained resting over both their knees.
It was silent for a while after that. Kyle could feel Cartman’s stomach rising and falling as it rubbed against his sweaty hand.
“Wow you sure do know a lot about me, Kahl”
“As do you,” He flushed. His voice was hard to squeak out from his tightening throat. He wondered if he was having some sort of allergic reaction. “I need to. To keep you in check”
“You’re talking about it like you’re my prison guard” laughed Cartman.
“Well it’s my responsibility as your friend to make sure you don’t make life a living hell for everyone” he tssd.
“You don’t see Stan doing that,” he pointed out with a sly smile. Kyle’s mind didn’t seem to be working today.
“Well, I’m… I’m not Stan,” was all he could muster. Cartman chuckled at his flustered state before his face fell.
“Yeah but you could just leave,” Kyle frowned and Cartman could swear he saw a glimpse of sincerity in his narrowed eyes.
“Why would I?” Kyle looked confused if anything “What have you done now, another murder?”
“No! No… nothing new,” He looked down and up and all around the small room. Anywhere but Kyle. “I guess I just don’t see why we still hang out if you hate me”
“I don’t hate you, Cartman” Kyle sighed
“Oh…” his thick hand hesitantly dropped next to Kyle’s. His thumbpad resting over Kyle’s pinky. It wasn’t rough or calloused as one might’ve guessed, instead it was the soft baby skin of a man who’s never done a day’s work in his life. Kyle’s hand stiffened under his, but he didn’t pull away. “I don’t hate you either,” Kyle sent him an unsure but friendly and reassuring smile. He bit his lip, looking at the insecure man before him contemplatively. Before suddenly deciding, for lack of better judgment, that Cartman for some reason needed his approval.
“Look, I’m sorry about earlier” He placed his other hand over Cartman’s. Maybe they could have a wholesome moment without it being ruined by Cartman’s ulterior motives. “You really haven’t done anything wrong recently, I shouldn’t be mad at you for no reason,” He sighed “I just feel like I need to keep my guard up around you” He smiled sadly “No emotional vulnerability and stuff”
Eric looked back at him with widened eyes. They were only a few centimetres apart and the heat was becoming unbearable. Kyle’s heart started beating rapidly, from what he assumed was the claustrophobia kicking in. Cartman seemed to be moving closer, but so was Kyle it seemed. As if something magnetically drew them together.
“I’m sorry too,” Cartman forced out breathlessly. His eyes were busy looking at the coral coloured lips that spread into a soft smile but he managed to get a glimpse of the crinkling green eyes. He could feel the appreciative exhale Kyle made, against his own lips. It made the hair on his neck stand up, as if his body had become charged with static energy. He looked into his green eyes once again, to see his own fear mirrored. But fear didn’t stop them from proceeding with whatever the hell they were doing. Kyle shivered at Eric’s drooping eyes, as his own vision blackened the closer they leaned in.
“Ok guys, your time is-“ A blinding light suddenly hit them. Kyle’s eyes shot wide open as he quickly scrambled to his side of the closet. The light disoriented him further by burning his eyes, who had just gotten used to the darkness “...up…” A confused Bebe stood before them, an even more confused and truly shocked Stan behind her with a grinning, amazed Kenny by his side.
“Uh what were you guys doing…?” Stan asked hesitantly. He studied Cartman and Kyle’s reddened faces with a weirded out frown. Kenny and him exchanged unsure glances, as if they had to check that they didn’t hallucinate Cartman in Kyle’s arms, leaning in and puckering up his lips. Though there must be a reasonable explanation for the sight. Maybe some sort of bet? Or Cartman was teasing Kyle. But Kyle looked as ready to lock lips as Cartman was.
“Cartman stole my hat,” Kyle panicked. Though he didn’t know what he was panicking for, him and Cartman weren’t doing anything odd! He searched the floor maniacally before holding up the green ushanka in a desperate attempt to prove his words. “He held it over my head, I had to get it back”
“Riiight,” said Kenny, his smile unwavering. Stan still looked shaken, but decided that he’d ask his friend later. It would have to do as an answer right now. So with a slightly relieved smile on his face he nodded back at Kyle.
As the others turned back to the party, Kyle stood in the closet and tried to calm his racing heart. Adrenaline and an unexplainable happiness was still coursing through his blood. He finally took a shaky step forward, but stopped at the feeling of a hand brushing against his. Cartman stood beside him with an uncharacteristically shy and extremely unsure smile on his face. He took Kyle’s hand, and stroked it with his thumb carefully before he too left. Kyle watched him go with an unfamiliar feeling burning in his chest. He didn’t know where it came from or what it was. All he knew was one thing: It certainly wasn’t hatred.