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God, he shouldn't have asked.
With the benefit of hindsight, he knew it was a stupid idea. It was just his petty jealousy getting the better of him; they were both adults here, no matter how childish he felt at the moment. He made a mistake on Horizon, and he would never blame Shepard for wanting to move on.
But he had to know. He needed to know if there was anyone else. Kaidan was committed now, more than ever. He trusted Shepard completely and he didn’t want there to be anything hanging over their heads anymore. This was just the last piece.
They were lounging together in the spacious bed of Shepard’s new Citadel apartment when the question popped up, unbidden, ruining the peaceful silence that had fallen over them.
“Were you with anyone while we were-apart?"
With her head on his chest, Shepard went still for a moment and no amount of wishing can will those words away. Kaidan wants to hit himself for bringing it up. When Shepard relaxed, though, Kaidan wants to breathe a sigh of relief.
“There was someone,” she said quietly.
Kaidan's pulse quickened. “There was?” If Shepard heard the slight quiver in his voice, she didn’t draw attention to it.
"Yeah. One guy. I met him last year,” Shepard started, wistfully, drawing circles on Kaidan’s chest. “He’s pretty quiet. A little shy. Sometimes he hides when I enter a room. It’s honestly adorable."
Kaidan murmured absently. He had never known Shepard to be this sentimental - especially when it came to romance - and his stomach turned. He wasn't about to let her know, however; with her head resting on his chest, she couldn’t get a glimpse of his stormy expression. Thank God.
"But he was dependable. He was always there. Ready to listen when I needed an ear."
Kaidan could have hit himself. There was no reason for him to bring this up again. He was here, he would never leave her again, and that should be all that mattered. It was all that mattered.
"He was really special," Shepard sighed, a little dramatically if Kaidan was being honest. "I felt terrible, though. I couldn't give him what he wanted. I think he sensed that, in his own way."
"What was stopping you?" Kaidan asked, reaching for her hand entwining their fingers together.
"I was in love with someone else."
For the first time since he was stupid enough to bring this up, he smiled, squeezing her hand and bringing it to his lips. She rested her chin on his chest and finally looked at him, her blue eyes twinkling and a pretty smile on those pink lips.
"So." Clearly unable to stop himself, Kaidan cleared his throat. He was hoping for nonchalance, but failed miserably. "Anyone I know?"
Shepard laughed lightly. "Yeah, you know him."
Once again, Kaidan fought to keep his jealousy in check. A not-so-small part of him had hoped that if Shepard had decided to move on from...them...it would have been with someone he didn't know, or at least wouldn't have to see.
Was it the Cerberus soldier? The drell? God, Garrus? Kaidan wouldn't be able to look at any of them the same way, knowing they made Shepard feel like this, knowing that it should have been him. The jealousy - and the shame - was uglier than he would ever let on, but he would have to live with it. Somehow, he thought.
"His name is Nibbles."
Wait, what?
He turned to her, incredulous. "Nibbles? As in-"
"My hamster. Who’d you think I was talking about?"
Kaidan threw his head back to the pillows, covering his face with his hands. He laughed - at himself more than anything - and felt his face heat up. What was more ridiculous? Shepard waxing poetic about a hamster, or the fact he fell for it?
Then again, this was Haley Shepard he was talking about. The woman who was more offended when someone messed with the damn hamster than with her ship.
Shepard's fingers started brushing along his stomach, through the fine dusting of hair at the waistband of his boxers. Her mouth followed her hands, open mouthed kisses that had him biting back groans. He wasn't about to let her kiss this away, no matter how - oh, God, the things she could do with her clever tongue - how good it felt.
"There's no one else, Kaidan," she said, her whisper tickling his skin. "Only you."
He reached down and pulled her up, a quick and easy movement, and rolled on top of her, pinning her arms to the bed.
"You're going to pay for that," Kaidan growled. He nipped at her bottom lip, pulling away just out of her reach.
Shepard leaned up to brush her lips over his, smirking wickedly. "I look forward to it, Major."