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Day 3275. After all his other trials with the lamp to find out how it worked, today was finally the day: he was going to contact the spirit of his lost love, Lara Dorren. If he was to be honest, the reason Avallac’h had been taking his sweet time with the experiments when he could have just tried this here at her grave first was due to the anxious feeling currently trying to make him abandon this.
He was afraid of what she would have to say – of being rejected again – and the elven mage didn’t think he could handle it. It had been centuries since he last saw her. They were happy — at least he thought they were — until one day she just left after announcing the news that she was pregnant with her husband’s child, Cregannan of Lod’s child. A human.
It had been like a smack to the face of her people, but none felt it far worse than Avallac’h himself who was meant to be her husband. Together they were supposed to be the parents of the ‘Special Child’ of the Elder Blood.
But that had been crushed along with his heart the day he watched Lara walk away for good. The next he heard, she had died and at that point Avallac’h didn’t know what was worse: Watching her walk away or knowing she would never come back?
From that point on, he had dedicated his whole life to researching and following the remnants of the Lara gene in her descendants.
It was the only thing he could do for her now.
It was the only piece he had left of her besides the memories he held close to his broken heart.
But now, with this magic lamp that can supposedly allow the wielder to see and hear ghosts, he was finally going to see her once more. There were many questions on his mind along with many emotions racing through his heart that only his Lara could provoke.
What did I do wrong? Could I have done something more to stop you from walking away? What happened? Are the legend’s true? Did she say my name…or did she say his?
These thoughts ran through his head as he made his way to the place where she had been buried, trying to figure out what he would say to her first. He spotted the purple Feainnewedd flowers, letting him know he had made it to the proper area. With shaky hands, Avallac’h set the lamp down, waiting for the sky to turn dark before he ignited it.
A blue light began to shine from within it as Avallac’h put a protective spell around himself, forcing his aquamarine eyes to search around for any sign of her. There was nothing but silence at first as he waited, starting to wonder if he had gotten it wrong.
No, he was certain. He had never gotten anything wrong when it came to Lara
But yet, there was still nothing but silence and no sight of her.
Avallac’h sighed hopelessly. It figures, why would she want to see me ? After all, she was the one who left. It seemed even in death they wouldn’t have anything more to say to one another.
He was about to switch off the lamp, giving up his desperate search when a familiar voice made him freeze. “Crevan…?” There was no mistaking that sweet, ethereal sounding voice that held a certain kind of power over him. It was Lara’s.
With all his might, Avallac’h turned to stare upon the ghostly sight of his beloved, looking the same as she did the day he last saw her. Lara was as beautiful as she was in life. Avallac’h wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch those light blonde locks of her hair and hold her close to him so nothing could ever harm her again…so she would always be by his side.
Despite all his careful preparation, Avallac’h was surprised to still find himself at a loss for words when it came to Lara.
Instead, the ghost of his past love started to walk towards him with a small smile, making the first contact as always. “I see you haven’t changed. It’s good to see you again.”
The sadness hidden in those green eyes said it all, expressing the grief over losses and the fact she was no longer part of the world.
It made his heart pang with hurt, giving him the momentum to finally reach out for her, only to find his hand going right through her. Avallac’h bit his lip with frustration. “Lara…” he breathed out, “There’s so much I want to say to you.”
Bringing a finger just slightly towards his lips, she hushed him. “I know, Crevan…I know. Let’s start with the first one you’re probably wondering the most: Where did we go wrong?” He looked at her with nervous anticipation. “It was never anything you did personally. I know you’ve always held feelings for me and had the best intentions, and at one point, I felt the same about you too, but…”, she paused, “I didn’t want to be bound by fate any longer. I didn’t want to keep being seen as just ‘ the Princess of the Elder Blood, destined to give birth to a savior.’ I just wanted to be myself…to be Lara Dorren.”
Avallac’h felt a mix of emotions come over him. “And you didn’t think you could be so with me ?” The words just came out of his mouth, ice cold and unstoppable.
However, Lara looked unaffected by them, the small smile remaining on her face. “I wasn’t allowed to be. But with Cregnann, there was no expectations of a great destiny, no elven princess, just…me.” Despite his best efforts to appear unaffected by this, Lara could see right through him. She always could. “When I tell you this, Crevan, I don’t mean it as an attack or to look down on you. I mean it exactly as I say: The daughter of the king of Alders had a destiny to uphold the day she was born and was expected to follow through with it.”
“Except you didn’t.” He reminded her through his pain. “Instead, you left us all doomed and behind, your own people, for a human.”
“I know my actions that day hurt many, including my father, but I did what I thought was best. Like I said: It was never anything you did personally.”
“Then why did you leave?” Avallac’h choked out, cursing the power she had over him.
Lara paused, remaining silent, and making him think he had upset her. However, she finally spoke. “I think what you’re trying to ask is why did I leave you? Was it something you did wrong? Was there more you could have done?” The air started to become thick as Avallac’h wondered how she knew what was exactly on his mind, the questions that had been haunting him since the day she left and died. “The answer you seek is: I didn’t just leave you, I left my father, my people, my world and my whole home behind in order to write my own story for once instead of having it be written by others. It was never anything you personally did, Crevan, I just…I needed to find myself and lead my own life. And no, there is nothing you could have done to change it. You know that once I set my mind to something…”
He finished the rest for her. “That it’s hard to persuade you once you do.”
There was a long moment of silence between them as they both looked upon each other, a silent understanding passing between them that words didn’t have to convey.
Avallac’h bit his lip with frustration once more. It wasn’t the fact that Lara had left to have control over her own life or be herself that bothered him. If he was being honest, it was the fact that she felt she couldn’t do all these things with him by her side. But then again, from the sounds of it… she didn’t really want to have a life with him regardless.
This realization started to eat away at his heart, more and more, bringing his own nightmares to life.
“I was never good enough for you…was I?” he mumbled out.
Lara blinked. “That’s not true. There was never anything wrong with you.”
Avallac’h couldn’t take it anymore. The pain inside his heart was becoming more and more like acid, desperately waiting to be cured. “Then why did you choose him over me, Lara?” He yelled.
It echoed in the area, and it would have shaken the world if he wasn’t careful. Aquamarine eyes were targeted on her green ones, noticing how her composed demeanor had finally changed as a hurt look crossed her face.
It was a question that had hit a nerve for them both, but in different ways.
Looking upon her previous fiance, Lara spoke. “I thought you of all people would understand, Crevan: Because I loved him… ”
With that, he looked down. “And I loved you. I always have…and still do…”
Lara surprised him by reaching out towards him again, trying to touch his cheek and make him look up at her, only for hand to go straight through him. However, it got his attention. “I know…and I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I thought you would at least come to understand, maybe, in some way. I couldn’t be parted from him any longer.”
And with that, Avallac’h started to understand what she was saying and feeling. It was how he felt being parted from her, watching her walk away and leave everything they had behind. Avallac’h tried everything to stop it from happening because he didn’t want to be without her, and yet, they both still ended up losing the things they fought for in the end.
“Lara…” he whispered softly, a sincere look in her eyes. “You know I would have done anything for you, given you anything you asked for.”
A smile came to her face. “I know that, Crevan.”
“Would things have been different for the both of us if you stayed? What if I was able to give you what you wanted?” Could I have been able to prevent your death if things had just played out differently?
She shrugged. “I guess we’ll never know now…will we?”
That statement made him weak in the knees, wanting nothing more than to sob over the reality that she wasn’t a part of the world anymore. She had so much life in her, but it was all cut too short because of cruel acts from humans.
“Lara…I–” he wanted to ask her about what happened regarding her death, to know what the truth was and find out if the legends were true, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask her because what did it matter?
It’s not like it would change things now. It wouldn’t bring her back. He still wouldn’t have his beloved back in his life or this world. Lara Dorren was dead and there was nothing he could do to change it.
“You want to know the truth about how I died?” Avallac’h nodded as she leaned in towards him, mere inches from his face. “That’s a story for only me to know. It was my life after all, no one else's. And the last thing I want is for it to be twisted by others for their own game.”
That was his Lara, being stubborn and defiant, even in death.
And she was right: the elves and the humans both had different versions about how her story went down, but in the end, the truth of it all only belonged to Lara and to Lara herself. For a girl who was born with expectations of how her life should be written from day one, the least Avallac’h could do was give her this and respect her wishes, even in her rest…and he would.
He would do anything for her.
“As you wish.” He nodded, prompting a smile from her.
“Thank you.”
A silence passed between them once more before a smile came to the elven mage’s face. “But don’t tell me to stop loving you. I will always love you, Lara Dorren aep Shiadhal.” After all, elves did live for eternity it seemed.
She chuckled. “As you wish. Goodbye, Crevan.”
“I’ll miss you, Lara.”
And with that, she disappeared once again, leaving a cold emptiness inside him. However, this time, it was different. Granted, it was still painful, but there seemed to be a sense of hopefulness and ease in knowing where he would go from here and receiving the answers he seeked.
Although he couldn’t make Lara feel like she had control over her own life, maybe he could do something to help her descendants?
Day 3275. Final conclusions regarding the lamp.
My experiences with the magic lamp unequivocally confirm that by using it active centers of condensed spiritual energy can be coaxed into contact and can communicate a limited set of the being's last memories.
Lara Dorren's remains, however, emit entirely inert spiritual energy despite the violent conditions of her death, which should have strengthened the desired tendency.
Lara remains silent.
At this point further research on lamps enabling contact with the dead seem entirely useless for my purposes.