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Eren Yeager 3rd Person Omniscient 🗝️ 854 April 🗝️ Afternoon
Eren is resting his head on his knees after a particularly hard training session with Hanji, his nerves on the fritz after what had happened both last night (or early this morning) and later this morning when he had woken up. Both of his superior officers have been acting strange lately, and Eren's beginning to question their sanity. Why would Erwin kiss him when he's with Levi? Why would Levi climb into bed with him when he's with Erwin? Why are they both doing this to him? Scheiße, all of this is too emotionally exhausting for Eren to think about. If it had been just one person he was infatuated with, it would have been fine. Better than this, actually. But nope. He's stuck being completely enamoured by both Levi Heichou and Erwin Danchou. ( Fuck · German )
"Alright, kiddo?" Hanji has a hand on Eren's shoulder in what is supposed to be a soothing gesture, his body stiff with tension as he continues to overthink everything, like always.
He nods his head as he looks up at her. "Yup. Totally fine. Hey, Danchou mentioned you might have something to help me sleep better at night. Is that true?"
She grins and nods. "Sure do, kiddo! Hang on, stay right here for a second, I'll see where I last put it." She runs off to a cabinet and opens it to reveal whole shelves marked and filled with labeled vials and bottles and jars of various colored liquids and pills and dry herb mixtures and elixirs. She pulls out a jar with an "Aha!" and returns to the young man waiting for her. "Here ya go! It's a herbal tea blend of passionflower, chamomile flower, licorice, cardamom, and cinnamon that should calm you and help you sleep better at night. Levi drinks this tea on his bad nights, so hopefully it helps you as much as it helps him." She hands over the jar of the dry herbs, and wide grin stretched on her face.
"Thanks, Hanji. I really appreciate this. I'll give this a go before I go to bed." Eren sets the jar down on the table beside him, and then he breathes in deep to release the tension in his shoulders. He meets her eyes and asks, "Is there something wrong with Heichou and Danchou? They were acting weird last night..." Eren doesn't want to mention how weird they were, but he figures he has to in order to get help. But what if she doesn't tell him?
"Nothing out of the ordinary that I noticed. Why? Did something happen? What'd they do that alarmed you?" She leans in towards him, and Eren reaches a hand up to scratch the nape of his neck.
"Uhm, well, last night... Danchou kinda... Kissed me in the kitchen? But he's in a relationship with Heichou, so I'm not really sure why he did that. And this morning when I woke up, Heichou was in my bed. I'm not a homewrecker, I'm really not! But why would they do those things if... If they are clearly happy with their own relationship?" His voice lowers an octave as his heart clenches with the longing he secretly endured towards the superior officers.
"Huh. Odd. I have noticed them watching you a lot more lately, but I thought maybe it was just them keeping a careful eye on you since you are our resident Titan Shifter. But you said Erwin kissed you? Hmm. And Heichou cuddled up to you while you slept. Interesting." She scratches her chin as she paces the floor.
The door slams open a few minutes later, Heichou standing in the doorway with a menacing look on his face. "There you fucking are. Your experimenting time has been over for over an hour! Eren is supposed to be assisting the cooking squad today to plan for dinner. What is taking so fucking long."
"Levi! How are you, munchkin? And hello to you too. I'm doing swell. Thanks for asking. Eren here needed some herbal tea to help him sleep better at night without those pesky nightmares keeping him awake." She says as she wraps an arm around his shoulder and smooches his cheek sloppily.
He shoves her off, looking revolted as he takes a handkerchief to wipe her saliva off his cheek. "Ugh. No one asked, Four-Eyes. Oh, well that's fine, then. Did you tell him how to brew it properly? If not, I can show him tonight when I go to make my own cup. I didn't have a proper sleep last night. Some dumbass kept tossing and turning."
Eren is sweating in his seat, knowing that he is the hyper-sleeping dumbass Levi Heichou just mentioned.
"Really? Did ya sleep with Erwin last night? So cute," she coos, squishing his cheek in her fingers.
"Yeah. Whatever. And we're men, Hanji, not cute or adorable or what the fuck ever is running through your brain." He straightens his cravat. "Come on, Eren. The cooking squad is waiting for you."
"Y-yes, Herr!" Eren scrambles to grab his jar of herbal tea and follow his commanding officer out.
They walk in silence, and Eren stores his herbal tea in a high cabinet for later when they reach the kitchens.
He huddles with the cooking squad around a large cookbook and says, "Hey! Have anything in mind for tonight?"
"Hey, Eren," one speaks. "Nope. Waiting for you. What do you think?"
Eren takes control of the book and flips through the pages until a recipe catches his eye. "Do we have any leftover salt cured or smoke cured meat? If so, we can make some ham with steamed vegetables and soft rolls. And did anyone make any butter? If so, we can pull this recipe off for tonight."
Levi watches them interact for a bit before he leaves, a light blush on his cheeks and a pang in his chest.
「𖤋𖣃𖤋」
Third Person Omniscient ⚔️ 8 54 ⚔️ Later That Evening
After dinner, Erwin and Levi retreat into Commander Erwin's office to sit with a bottle of port and their strong affections towards a certain nineteen year old Titan Shifter. Erwin pours them both a glass in one of his crystal glasses and hands Levi his. They cheer to their sorrow and drink, and then it starts from there until Eren comes looking for them.
Levi was supposed to help Eren brew a cup of the herbal tea, but he never showed up to the kitchens, and now this is where Eren finds them. Bottles of port littered on the table or in the bin, both men slumped over as they moaned about sparkly green eyes and fluffy brown hair.... And that's what confuses the boy. Those descriptions sound like him, and they did act strangely last night. This morning. Whatever. Opting to watch for just a few minutes more, he watches as they mumble low to one another about "the idiot is so fucking dense I'm beginning to wonder why I love him".
And Levi hiccups in the middle of a few words. Erwin chuckles in his glass. Eren stands there profusely astounded.
What's happening here again? What? Why? How? When? Where did this come from? And why are they drunk? I mean, I guess it's good they did this after they ate so it isn't on an empty stomach, but still...
"Eren! There ya are! Where ya been? We wantta speak to ya. Can you," Erwin paused to hiccup, and Eren has to resist the urge to think he's being adorable. "Can you join us please?"
Eren swallows and sits down in the empty seat that's set as far from the two as possible with how small the table actually is. "Yeah, sure, but if I'm going to sit and talk to you drunk heads, I'm gonna need a stiff drink as well." Eren takes a partially full bottle and takes a whig of it, gasping out a breath when he pulled it back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Now, please, Danchou, Heichou, tell me why you are being so weird today. And why you were being weird this morning." Drinking makes a person honest, yes? So why not take advantage of the situation?
"Because. You're a dense Mutterficker. We both Ficken," Levi hiccups again, twice in a row, and continues. "We both Ficken like you, you beschissene verdammte Göre. Wir lieben dich, du Arschloch." Levi takes another swig and drops his cup back down on the table, head falling into his arms as he belches. Erwin nods his agreement, and Eren groans at the drunken words, thinking that they have to be mistaken. They are already in a good, happy relationship with each other. Why are they saying this to him? Getting his hopes up only to crash them to the ground the next day. Eren doesn't let his hopes rise, and instead takes another swig of the port. (mother fucker · fucking x2 · shitty fucking brat · We love you, you asshole. — German)
He really needs to be drunk to deal with these assholes. Or he can leave now. Yeah, that's a better idea. But what if Levi or Erwin climb into his bed? Maybe he can crash with Hanji or Armin or Mikasa? They wouldn't mind letting him sleep in their rooms or even the infirmary is better than waking up while wrapped in a human burrito.
"Right. Right. Right. We," Erwin hiccups again, "Wir lieben dich, Eren. We have been verliebt in dich for a while now. For months, to be exact. You've grown on us." Erwin belches after he's done speaking, this one louder than Heichou's had been. (We love you. · in love with you — German)
"Oh Walls." Eren takes a new bottle of port and pops the cork before chugging a quarter of it down. His thought process is that maybe he can hide his embarrassment with the alcohol and use the excuse that it's the alcohol making his cheeks flush and not these men speaking such drunken words towards him.
"Are you okay, Eren? You are quite red. Isn't he red, Levi? Or is it the lighting in here?"
"Wh-what lighting? The shitty lantern? No, I think he's blushing. Or he's drunk. Is Eren a lightweight? We should have asked his stupid little friends if he could handle his alcohol. The runts know him better anyway. Fuck, are we doing something wrong?" Levi hiccups for the fiftieth time since Eren sat down, and he pushes his cup away. "I need tea." He stands up, and Eren thinks he's going to stumble to the kitchens, but is instead surprised when the older man falls into his lap and nudges their noses together. "Hanji told me that a press of a nose on a lover's own is called an Eskimo kiss. Not sure what the fuck that means, but whatever." And then the other's nose is gone, only to be replaced by lips. Levi kisses Eren's nose with a drunken giggle. "You're adorable. Hey, Eren, did it hurt when you fell? From heaven I mean? Cause there's no way you're anything but an angel amongst us demons." And now comes some terrible pickup lines. What the fuck? Eren must be dreaming. What the actual fuck?
"Neh. Hey, Eren, did you know there was twenty-five letters in the alphabet?" Oh Walls, these guys are hopeless in the flirting department. At least when drunk.
"Eh?" Eren is beyond the point of confused and is just plain lost.
"Right. Right. "I" can't live without "u"." Erwin drains the rest of his glass of water that Eren had stood up and gotten him, and the boy relishes in the expression of befuddlement when he looks down at it. "I thought I was drinking port. This is water. Did the alcohol god curse it?"
Eren sighs, so done with these two already.
"No. Nope. No more please. Please just… just stop. Where did you even hear those? Actually, no, don't tell me. I don't think I want to know." Eren tries to stop his Captain from kissing him again, but the shorter man just ducks and pushes his lips to his subordinate's forehead, lifting himself up with his hands leveled on the boy's shoulders for leverage. Eren struggles to get the man off of him, but the man's lips just find themselves planted on his own instead, the Commander, the Captain's boyfriend, sitting across from them. Watching. Probably scowling. Or... Maybe he's enjoying it? Sadistic ass. Eren gasps when a wet, pink muscle wets his lips, licking a stripe of saliva across the seam of his mouth. That tongue dives in as soon as Eren's lips part, taking it as invitation to indulge in more sloppy kisses.
Eren doesn't know what to do. Not with the man's lover sitting across from them, watching them, looking intrigued as Eren is kissed by Levi. It's quite unexpected to Eren, but Erwin and Levi have wanted to kiss him for a long time coming. Eren has too, but it doesn't make him any less skeptical. I mean, why kiss another man when you're in a long-term relationship already? Eren's just the resident Titan Shifter. Nothing special really. Yeah, a lot of people have complimented his eye color or his hair's richness in color and thickness (he thanks genes and the soap Levi Heichou had bought him years ago that he's never stopped using since). But Eren still doesn't see anything attractive about himself besides that. He's lean and five-foot ten with a eight pack, yeah, and he was the second best at hand-to-hand combat in his trainee years. Whereas Levi Heichou is short but rugged with both thick muscles and scars, standing at barely five-foot three, and Erwin is tall, towering them both at six-foot two and filled out with thicker muscles than either but still not strong enough to take on Levi, scarred just as Levi was from his years of experience.
And that's another thing about Eren. He can't scar. There's no trace of evidence of him being a fighter, a survivor, a soldier. He appears as a civilian when naked, with flawless golden skin save for the only two scars he has placed on his right shoulder blade and left shin. Both are from his childhood from big fights he use to always get into that never healed even after he had gotten his ability.
"Please tell us that you feel the same way about us as we do you," Levi asks when he pulls back, the stench of alcohol on his usually clean breath.
"Y-you're both very drunk right now, Levi Heichou! I'm not answering that! And why did you kiss me?" Again with the kissing him. Erwin is sitting right there?! You're lover?! Hello?! Is Levi and Erwin both insane?!
And Eren is a hypocrite, anyways. He's drunk as well. Not as bad as these two, but still drunk all the same. And of course he has feelings for them, but he's not too drunk he can't control his mouth.
"But– but we love you. Please tell us you love us too! Please! Pretty please with a cherry on top!" Levi is beginning to act needy, like a child begging for a new toy.
"Ugh. If you two are feeling the same way in the morning when you wake up, then sure, I'll tell ya both whether or not I harbour any feelings for ya. But right now I think you two should just go to bed. Sober up. Wake up and take some painkillers in the morning. I left the cooking squad to the dishes, so I feel like a jackass right now. It's you're guys' fault. Now come on. Off. Stop. Let's get to bed, yes? Sound good? Bed, sleep, painkillers, then we all talk when you're up."
Anything to get this man off his lap.
"Mmmm, nooooo."
"Yeeeees. Beeeed. Sleeeeeeep. Then painkilleeeeeers. Then tallllk." Eren drags out the words on purpose to tell the older man just how annoyed he is.
Erwin stands up and catches his weight with a hand slamming on the table. "'kay. Bed time. Uhm, I don't think I can carry him. Can you—" Obviously Erwin is still too drunk to have heard the conversation. Or any of Eren's words.
"Mhm. Sure. Come on, Levi Heichou. Can I carry you to your room? Or to Danchou's room?"
"Mmmm. Fiiiiiine. Carry meeeeee!"
Eren sighs and grips the man's back and slides his other hand down and under his backside to better hold on as he stands up himself. He follows the Commander out when he's steady on his feet and Levi is situated comfortably in his arms.
They make it to Erwin's room, and Eren drops the man down, only to be dragged down by the shorter man's arms tightly wound around his neck. He chokes on his breath and catches himself with his hands against the sheets roughly. "Shit!" Eren shrieks when his knees hit the bed, his face slapping into the mattress, voice muffled. Levi just innocently nuzzles his chest with a yawn as Eren sits there struggling to escape the drunk Captain's strong grasp. Erwin collapses into bed with his shoes off and pants pulled halfway down his legs, passing out cold with a loud snore. Eren groans and rolls over to slacken his Heichou's grip so he can get him situated more comfortably under the blanket and maybe help Danchou get his pants off and under the covers as well. When that's done he finds himself trapped between the two bodies, no chance of escape.
He just surrenders to his doom and stares down at the raven snuggling into his chest, one leg squeezing between his own as he softly snores away. Eren is hesitant when he thinks that Heichou looks almost... cute. It's adorable with how clingy he is to him. Erwin has found a way to join the duo and has an arm slinging over Eren's hips and trapping him completely, his large hand wrapping around Levi's arm.
Eren shakes his head, opening his green eyes when Levi mumbles: "Don't go. Stay. Love you. Wantta see you smile. Please."
"Mhm. Shhhh." Eren shushes the sleeping man and closes his eyes for good this time, listening to the man's consistent sleep-talking.
Eren eventually falls asleep with Levi's soft mutters and Erwin loud snoring and warm breath on the back of his neck. He allows himself to smile as he pulls himself and Levi closer to Erwin as his mind drifts off, and he slips off to dreamland that for once isn't full of traumatizing nightmares or mortifying wet dreams.
It's the best sleep he's had in a long time. And in the arms of the men he loves something awful, it's definitely his favorite new memory for after he's back in his own room and both Danchou and Heichou are back to being just his superior officers.
Erwin and Levi feel lighter than air with their mutual love interest sandwiched between them, the boy's warm skin pressing into both of them simultaneously. If only the boy wasn't so fucking dense, then maybe there would have been more kisses before they passed out in each others' arms. Oh well. Maybe next time.