Chapter Text
(Monday 12:03 PM)
“Bad B*tches Club (Joey please change the name (No I will not (At least censor it (fine))))”
PiratePrincessJo:
Guys the the history teacher’s assistant is so hot 😩
SunsetShimmer:
Joey we love and support you but what
SpicyChorizo:
Please don’t hit on Mr. Riffs
PiratePrincessJo:
Sausy I can look at the menu and say that something looks good, without ordering it
SunsetShimmer:
I think this is something you should post on tumblr or a journaling app, not the group chat for our History project
PiratePrincessJo:
🥺👉👈
I just wanted to say that he’s like really hot
SpicyChorizo:
We all think he's hot
SunsetShimmer:
^^^^
You just didn't have to do it in the Project Chat
GirlbossKirito:
What is happening
PiratePrincessJo:
Well I just think he could be like a really good Nathan drake or Indiana Jones if they did a reboot
I think he could also be good Lara Croft
SpicyChorizo:
He’s got the tits for it
SunsetShimmer:
Don’t encourage him
Sorry about this False
GirlbossKirito:
Don’t worry about it
But now that we’re all here
What are we going to do?
SunsetShimmer:
Oh yeah we should probably talk about that
PiratePrincessJo:
I think we should do our project on the ancient lost empire
SpicyChorizo:
Joey we can’t do the lost empire because there’s literally no info about it
SunsetShimmer:
That’s why it’s the *lost* empire
PiratePrincessJo:
Thats why its perfect
We can make shit up
Like what if the ancient lost emperor was actually a really flamboyant man who made a deal with the devil and lost himself to the temptation of a demon boyfriend
GirlbossKirito:
Source?
PiratePrincessJo:
Trust me, dude
SpicyChorizo:
Please stop looking up chuck tingle novels
GirlbossKirito:
I don’t think the history teacher will appreciate that
PiratePrincessJo:
I think Mr. Hills would appreciate some creative flair
(Monday 12:21 PM)
“History Group Project”
Darn Tootin:
Howdy y'all I think we should talk about what were doing for ‘istory
LargestBeans:
Jimmy we’ve known you forever now
What’s with the accent
Darn Tootin:
I ain't got a clue what you’re hollerin about
LargestBeans:
You’re from England jim
Darn Tootin:
And you used to be tall in middle school
Things change Joel
LargestBeans:
That’s a low blow Jim
Darn Tootin:
This is me now
I wear cowboy hats
And assless chaps
At least I’m not eating paper
XenaWarriorPrincess:
What's a weeaboo but for America
You're that Jimmy
Ultimate Cat Girl:
A Yeehawboo?
LargestBeans:
Um, actually
I think that's called an Americanophile
I know words
Darn Tootin:
Of course you do
LargestBeans:
I’ve actually read the dictionary front to back
5 times
Ultimate Cat Girl:
Really?
LargestBeans:
I’m incredibly verbose
And colossal in size
XenaWarriorPrincess:
You are 4’11”
LargestBeans:
It’s not my fault that everyone else is a freak who grew an entire foot over the summer
Darn Tootin:
Guys we still need to do a history project
Ultimate Cat Girl:
What if we did
The lost empire
XenaWarriorPrincess:
Lizzie I don’t think there’s enough info to do an entire project on it
Darn Tootin:
We should do cowboys
XenaWarriorPrincess:
Jimmy please tell me how you think cowboys are an ancient civilization
Darn Tootin:
Well as we all know
Cowboys are a big part of American history
For example Billy the Kid was one of the most influential founding fathers
LargestBeans:
I loved his song in Hamilton 2
But the fandom was wild
Remember the miku binder billy the kid edit
Ultimate Cat Girl:
Wow did that really happen
Darn Tootin:
All of this is factually correct
That was actually my edit
XenaWarriorPrincess:
None of that is true Jimmy
Darn Tootin:
Fine we won’t do cowboys
(Monday 12:36 PM)
“The Girls The Gays and The Goblin”
Gremlins2ElectricBoogaloo:
So which ancient empire we choosin?
Bendy and the Ink Machine:
The lost empire!
Quintessence:
Cowboys!
Gremlins2ElectricBoogaloo:
Both bad ideas
Shelby I know you’re new but you shouldn’t trust anything Jimmy says about American history
He thinks that Buffalo Bill is on Mt. Rushmore
Quintessence:
Sorry, he had a big hat and where I’m from people with big hats are authority figures
Gremlins2ElectricBoogaloo:
Don’t worry about it
Quintessence:
We can do the undergrove!
I think it’s really interesting how it appeared one day and then just disappeared
I did a bit of research on how they grew their fungal cultures with magic
I think it’s so cool
Bendy and the Ink Machine:
Boooring
Quintessence:
Rude!
Bendy and the Ink Machine:
That’s like all ancient empires
We should do the Codlands
You know a lot of accounts of the Codfather said “Salmon feared him, Men and Women wanted him”
I want to know more
Like was he you know *tucks hair behind ear*
Gremlins2ElectricBoogaloo:
You just want to research a hot dude
Bendy and the Ink Machine:
Is that really a crime
Gremlins2ElectricBoogaloo:
I mean…
Bendy and the Ink Machine
Why don’t you give us ideas then
Gremlins2ElectricBoogaloo:
So there’s this place in the Arctic
Bendy and the Ink Machine:
NO
Quintessence:
Absolutely not!
Gremlins2ElectricBoogaloo:
Fine…
(Monday 6:12 PM)
Private message between Pixlriffs and ZloyXP
ZloyXP:
Hey man how’s the first day of school
Pixlriffs:
It sure is something
I'm going through all of the intro cards we had the students write and they are so weird
ZloyXP:
Weirder than when we were in highschool?
Pixlriffs sent SheriffJimmy.png
an image of an index card written in messy handwriting that writes:
Howdy, my name is Sheriff Jimmy. I'm a 14 year old British Yeehawboo (western culture fan for you foreiners). I brand and wrangle cattle on my ranch, and spend my days perfecting my craft and enjoying superior American passtimes (Barbecue, Rodeo, Fireworks) I train with my lasso every day,I earned my lasso license two years ago, and I have been getting better every day. I speak American fluently, both Texas and the Oklahoma dialect, and I write fluently as well. I know everything about American history and their cowboy code, which I follow 100%. I own several cowboy hats, which I wear around town.
ZloyXP:
I like this kid’s style
I don't think any of it is true
I like the gumption
Pixlriffs:
Oh there’s more
Pixlirffs sent PrincessKatherine.png
an image of an index card written in cursive black ink that writes:
Hi my name is Princess Katherine Caterina Lisa Elizabeth G. and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and pink tips that reaches my mid-back and warm blue eyes like cornflower petals and a lot of people tell me I look like Lucy Lawless (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Elizabeth Gilles but I wish I was because she's a major fucking hottie. I'm a fairy but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm a freshman (I'm fourteen) in Empire Highschool in California. I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black but I'm also a fairy princess who wears pink dresses. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there but I also shop at Claire's (it's where I got my ears peirced). I want to be a warrior queen who protects my citizens and slays dragons.
ZloyXP:
How are your students making these references
Pixlriffs:
I’m pretty sure they’re all coincidental
Like how would they know about My Immortal in 2030
ZloyXP:
Kids are scary, man
Pixlriffs:
Speaking of scary, there was a student who just wrote down “I’m going to steal your bones” and another that just had “Scott”, a picture of a rainbow, and then a bite taken out of the card.
There’s also a kid who just has a broken stop sign???
ZloyXP:
I mean how weird could that be, we knew fWhip and his boyfriend with killer animatronics
Pixlriffs:
Speaking of
I can’t believe there’s a fWhip in my class
ZloyXP:
Any relation?
Pixlriffs:
Nah he’s just a little goblin fella
I don’t think they’re related
I also don’t think having the same first name makes you related
ZloyXP:
Then what did that bit about Elizabeth Gilles mean in the Katherine thing
Pixlriffs:
I have no clue
ZloyXP:
So how’s being back in high school?
Pixlriffs:
Sometimes I think this is actually a nightmare and it doesn’t help that this our same highschool
ZloyXP:
Pix you were literally the top of the class and never studied, i don’t think you can complain about school being a nightmare
Pixlriffs:
To be fair we were surrounded by the hermits
ZloyXP:
You loved them!
Pixlriffs:
Yeah I do
ZloyXP:
Oh yeah, how’s Joe Hills doing?
Pixlriffs:
He’s doing great.
He let me put my discord id in the syllabus so I’m definitely going to tell you about that
ZloyXP:
Allowing your students to DM you, how can that go wrong?
Please tell Joe Hills that he still owes me money
Pixlriffs:
Are you still holding that over his head?
ZloyXP:
Our senior homecoming was a disaster but I still won that bet
Pixlriffs:
I’m just glad that he took me in. It’s kind of embarrassing being in your late 20s and your official title being student teacher but at least I’m friends with the teacher
ZloyXP:
Don’t beat yourself up over it Mr. Riffs
I mean Dr. Riffs
Pixlriffs:
When you say that it sounds like an insult
ZloyXP:
I mean you had me, a lowly journalism bachelors proofread your archeology thesis about “The Machine”
Pixlriffs:
I mean you were the one who brought it up
ZloyXP:
Well while you’re out there teaching the next generation how to identify species of bone by taste, I’m staying home cleaning the house and feeding tomato soup and grilled cheese to our children Jackson and Sarah
Pixlriffs:
Zloy we don’t even live together let alone have kids
ZloyXP:
Well maybe this is me saying that I think we should have kids or maybe this is my way of saying that I’m bored and I miss you
Pixlriffs:
I miss you too bud
ZloyXP:
I don’t miss you at all, I want kids
Actually a kid is too hard to take care of
I’m going to make an A.I. child
Pixlriffs:
Well then
ZloyXP:
I’m going to figure out how easy it is to make sentience in a computer
I’ll talk to you tomorrow
<3
Pixlriffs:
Talk to you tomorrow