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“Sect Leader Jiang. You’ve always been a prideful person. You spent your entire life competing against others. But did you know that you should have never been able to surpass him?”
For a brief moment, only the sound of chains and footsteps fill the ancestral hall as the ghost general turns towards the exit. Lan Wangji lifts Wei Wuxian so the three of them can take their leave after being interrupted during a quiet moment of paying respects to the late sect leader and his wife who had helped raise the latter.
Before that moment could fully pass, firm footsteps echo through the room and Lan Wangji turns to see Jiang Wanyin still firmly rooted in place, trembling and staring at the ground, but the sight of a fifth figure walking in from behind causes his eyes to widen minutely. His elder brother stands tall, an intimidating sight considering the darkened expression that is so unlike his normal, soft and agreeable features. His eyes are fixed on the ghost general and radiating murderous intent. It’s enough to make even those less familiar with Lan Xichen take pause.
“Xiongzhang?”
“How dare you speak to him in such a way.” Lan Xichen’s words are clipped and his lips raised in a snarl as he ignores his younger brother entirely. “You know nothing of Jiang Wanyin and you dare say such vile things to him. In his familial ancestral hall no less. None of you have any right to be here!”
Lan Wangji’s grasp on the unconscious Wei Wuxian never falters. His eyes are firm as he responds, speaking words that not only completely fail to ease his brother down, but only serve to further enrage the already incensed man.
“We were preparing to go. Any words of disrespect were only a result of Jiang Wanyin’s own words and actions. We will take our leave.”
As he turns to exit the hall, he’s met with the uncharacteristic bellowing of his brother shouting, “Wangji!” and he turns to see the younger sect leader, who’d remained frozen until that point, put a hand on Lan Xichen’s arm, seeming to pull him back from the rage that was nearly unrecognizable in the brother Lan Wangji knew. The action itself is no more baffling than this entire situation has quickly become.
When a moment passes with no further words from either sect leader, Lan Wangji takes the unconscious man in his arms away from the hall and towards their boat, not witnessing (and not entirely caring to witness) whatever exchange is happening between his brother and Jiang Wanyin in their stead.
—
The elder Lan takes a short moment to come back down from the anger that had fueled him, casting a sidelong glance at the purple-robed man beside him. It isn’t lost on Lan Xichen how the grip on his arm is shaking just slightly and the man’s stature is so much smaller than the proud countenance he has grown used to seeing.
“Wanyin…”
No response comes, and the storm-grey eyes he loves so much stay fixed on the ground. Lan Xichen has learned to wait in instances like this to allow the younger man to collect himself.
He doesn’t have to wait long before Jiang Wanyin’s gaze snaps up to the entryway the three figures had exited through not long ago, and he begins to make his way after them. His head jerks toward Lan Xichen only when he realizes there is a firm hand around his wrist, attempting to hold him in place.
“Let me go.” The words come out sharp and gasping as Jiang Wanyin tries to wrench his hand from Lan Xichen’s grasp, attention already trained back on the retreating figures heading further out onto the docks.
“Wanyin, why don’t we leave it for tonight?” Now that Lan Xichen has had his moment to clear his mind, he can see how any further fuel added to the fire will only lead to more pain, but Jiang Wanyin hasn’t quite gotten his head back above water after the painful revelation and even more painful accusations were thrown in his face.
“Let. Me. Go. If I don’t say it now— I am sick of everyone putting me below him. How dare he! Of course I’m nothing without him! Let me go.”
Lan Xichen peers at the face of the man beside him as he processes the almost disjointed words that had come from him, seeing nothing but a seething rage and anguish clouding those familiar eyes that seem so far away from him in this moment. He wants nothing more than to take Jiang Wanyin in his arms and carry him back to his quarters. He wants to hold the man close while he tells him all the ways he loves him and refute every single negative thought so deeply ingrained into him. However, he himself is so tired after the events at Guanyin temple. He can’t fight against the resolve the younger man shows, and even if he could, he knows Jiang Wanyin well enough to know it would be futile.
He releases his hand.
This isn’t the normal anger Jiang Wanyin wears as a mask, to shield himself from a cultivation world that took everything from him and somehow threatened to take even more. This isn’t the distant echoes of pain he’s seen flash across his face when memories filled with anguish from the past are brought up. What he’s seeing is a man who has lost everything. Who has been kicked down over and over and over again, and who has stood back up every time only to get spat on by people whose only thoughts are to support the man who had a direct hand in all of his loss. He sees a man teetering on the edge of breaking.
Lan Xichen is so tired. He’d just heard the information Wen Qionglin had shared as he was approaching. Dissimilar enough from the bombshells he’d had dropped on himself in regards to Jin Guangyao, but ultimately the information they’d both learned had its similarities. It is the type of information that seems to shift the entire earth a few degrees on its axis, making a person question everything they thought they knew. Lan Xichen can only imagine the war zone that is Jiang Wanyin’s mind at the moment. It can’t be too far from the one that exists in his own mind. So he lets him go.
Resolving to stay far enough away so as to let the man speak his piece, but not so far that he won’t be able to catch the broken pieces if he should fall. Lan Xichen watches as his love storms down the pier toward the boat docked at the end where his brother seems to be situating Wei Wuxian and the ghost general stands watch. A broken, chilling laughter comes from Jiang Wanyin’s mouth as he approaches.
“Wei Wuxian. How selfless of you. How magnanimous of you. Should I kneel before you and thank you?”
Wei Wuxian sits up, his voice carrying a warning. “That’s enough, Jiang Cheng.”
“What do you mean by ‘that’s enough’? My father said you were the one who truly understood the teachings of the Jiang sect. Then what does that make me? I was the successor of the Jiang Sect of Yunmeng. What gives you the right?”
Lan Wangji chimes in now, unwilling to sit idly as the other man speaks poorly of Wei Wuxian. “Jiang Wanyin. Don’t say things you will regret.”
Jiang Wanyin continues as if Lan Wangji had never spoken. He’s swaying, and now that he’s finally spewing out these words he’d kept sealed in the darkest corners of his mind, he finds he can’t stanch the flow.
“Who was the one that went back on his words first? Who was the one that betrayed the Jiang clan? Tell me! Every single time, you sided with those outsiders! What do you take us for? How much do you owe the Jiang clan? The Jiang clan raised you. The Jiangs even gave their lives for you! My father, my mother, my sister, and Jin Zixuan. Should I not hate you? Why is it that now, it appears as if I’m the one who owes you? Why should I have lived like a fool for all these years? That I deserve to live in your shadows, blinded by your light?”
The steady stream of shouting is only cut short by Lan Wangji creating a hand symbol and sending a concentrated burst of air at Jiang Wanyin. The only sound remaining is that of the air exiting Jiang Wanyin’s lungs as he breaks coupled with hurried footsteps.
Lan Xichen had been held rooted in place through the entire exchange, standing in pained awe at the shouted words he’d only heard the other whisper in the quiet and fragile moments after he’d been woken from a nightmare. But the second he sees his brother launch an attack, his feet propel him forward, reaching the fray before Jiang Wanyin’s guan can even land on the pier.
“Wangji!” Rage is written across the Lan sect leader’s face as his voice rings out in a thunderous command. “Stand down!”
Lan Wangji’s eyes only turn to meet his brother’s for a moment before turning his vicious anger back on a stunned Jiang Wanyin. His chest is heaving as he waits, preparing to defend against a counter from the other man.
Jiang Wanyin isn’t moving.
“Wangji, take Young Master Wei and leave.” Lan Xichen’s tone brooks no argument, but Lan Wangji continues to hold his ground.
“Xiongzhang?” Lan Wangji finally turns his gaze to his brother, the defiance not yet leaving his demeanor, but Lan Xichen can see the questioning in his eyes.
“I will not repeat myself.”
A flash of confusion and betrayal comes across Lan Wangji’s face for just a moment before he hardens his expression again.
“Why do you defend Jiang Wanyin? Wei Ying—“
“Is no more in the right here than you are! The three of you have done enough damage!” Interrupting his brother was just another of his own sect's rules he’d broken during this brief exchange, but in the face of his own family hurting the man he loved, he couldn’t find it in himself to care much. “My reasons are my own and of no concern to you at the moment. We can speak at a later time, but now all three of you need to leave or I will have the disciples remove you from Lotus Pier.”
“Lan Zhan…” The hushed voice of Wei Wuxian calls out from behind the younger twin jade standing still in the face of his brother’s words. “Let’s go.”
Seeing that Lan Wangji is going to take Wei Wuxian’s suggestion (but not his own previous demands), Lan Xichen turns back to the younger man who had remained silent throughout the exchange.
Jiang Wanyin stands rooted in place, his jaw slack and body trembling slightly as if a slight gust of wind could knock him down, but as his legs give out and he crumbles, Lan Xichen is right there to catch him just a breath before his knees can hit the hard wood of the pier he himself had built.
“What gives him the right…” Tears begin to build in Jiang Wanyin’s eyes and his voice comes out just barely above a whisper. “What gives him the right not to tell me all of those things? He said he would be my subordinate when I became sect leader. He said he would support me my entire life. He said he would never betray me. He said he would never betray the Jiang Sect. He said so himself…”
Lan Xichen doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t think Jiang Wanyin is even speaking explicitly to him or expects a response when his eyes are so firmly fixed on the water beyond the edge of the pier. So he does all he can do in the moment and holds the man he loves as he folds in on himself, tears finally flowing freely. Tears sting at Lan Xichen’s own eyes when sobs begin to wrack Jiang Wanyin’s body. It was the second time in as many nights that he’d seen the younger man cry, but previously it hadn’t been this all-encompassing despair he is seeing now and his heart breaks for him.
The moon sits at its peak in the sky above them when the man in his arms calms enough that all that is left of his sobs is a quiet stuttering breath every few seconds. Lan Xichen takes that as his opportunity to pick up the guan and ribbon that lay discarded on the pier. He hears the quiet whimper from the other when he moves just far enough away that they lose physical contact, causing him to move just that much faster to complete the task so he can gather Jiang Wanyin in his arms, holding him tight to his chest and pressing a long kiss into the man’s unbound hair.
“Please don’t leave me.” Jiang Wanyin’s voice trembles as he buries his face into the crook of the other man’s neck.
“I’ve got you, Wanyin. I’m not going anywhere. You have my word.”
As he carries the other back to his quarters, Lan Xichen notices the peculiar lack of disciples or guards, but when he sees Jiang Wanyin’s second-in-command approaching hastily with wide, panicked eyes, he can guess it had been intentional.
Lan Xichen meets the disciple’s gaze, giving a slight shake of his head, hoping the other would take the cue not to cause a scene. As expected, the disciple falls in step beside them, eyes nervously raking over his sect leader in search of injuries and upon finding none he begins casting wary glances at the Lan Sect Leader who only silently mouths ‘later’ as they continue along the path leading to the sect leader’s quarters.
Upon reaching the door, Lan Xichen utters a quiet “please wait here” before carrying Jiang Wanyin into his room and laying him gently on the bed. Storm-grey eyes follow him as he brushes loose hair out of the younger man’s face and presses a soft kiss to his forehead.
“I need to speak with your head disciple for a moment. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right back and I’ll leave the door open so you can see me. Will that be okay?”
Jiang Wanyin blinks slowly, thinking for a moment before he nods, allowing the other to move back towards the door. Lan Xichen slips outside but looks back to the man on the bed, ensuring they can see one another before turning to the disciple who wastes no time asking, “Is my sect leader alright?”
“Sect Leader Jiang is fine—“ when Lan Xichen is met with an incredulous look he clarifies, “Physically. He is fine and there’s nothing to worry about, but I need you to lock down entry to Lotus Pier. I do not think anyone will try to return, but just to be safe. Until Sect Leader Jiang or myself gives the okay, only disciples and staff are allowed entry.”
The disciple has grown familiar enough with the foreign sect leader over the years to trust his own sect leader in his hands, and he knows Sect Leader Jiang well enough to know if the disciple doesn’t accept a command from Zewu-Jun without question and he gets word of it, there will be hell to pay. So without further instructions, he nods and leaves to carry out the orders.
Without hesitation, Lan Xichen moves back to Jiang Wanyin’s side. The man hasn’t moved in the few moments Lan Xichen has been gone, but somehow he’s managed to shrink further in on himself, bangs falling over his face like a curtain to shield him from the world. His eyes remain trained on Lan Xichen through the loose tresses, though, still fearful that he will be left alone once again as echoes of ‘please don’t leave me’ ring through the older man’s mind.
A soft hand runs through Jiang Wanyin’s hair, tucking the strands behind his ear so his face can be a little less guarded.
“Will you allow me to comb your hair and put it back up?”
Jiang Wanyin is slow to respond and confusion colors his expression.
“Why? I’m in my bed.” Jiang Wanyin’s voice comes out soft, sluggish. If he could put the way he’s feeling to words, he would say it feels as if he is walking underwater, stuck in that almost dream-like state where the world is muted and your body doesn’t quite respond to your commands. Even though he can’t quite communicate that fact, Lan Xichen can see it.
“Just indulge me, my heart.”
Lan Xichen waits for a nod from the other before grabbing a comb and carefully helping him move into an appropriate position. Once in place, his hands deftly work through the younger man’s hair, gently coaxing out tangles, all the while humming a soft tune. He can tell the other is drifting by the way his body is limp, getting pulled along with even the slightest maneuvering of his hair. Lan Xichen can’t see his face but he imagines his eyes are closed.
He recognizes this only because it was exactly how he’d felt since yesterday. At least until the past hour. Anger has a funny way of pulling your mind back into your body, the desire to support the man he loves temporarily superseding his own need to withdraw for a bit. He’s not entirely sure what he’ll do after this when dawn breaks and he’s reminded of his own hurt, but being here, seeing Jiang Wanyin in such a state, makes him think that maybe he has options. Maybe he doesn’t need to go be alone, because maybe neither of them should be alone.
Once Jiang Wanyin’s hair has been thoroughly smoothed, Lan Xichen begins gathering it up in the top knot he normally wears, taking his time to get the braids on either side just right. Once it’s to the same level of perfection he’s used to seeing the other man wear, he ties it off with the normal purple ribbon before picking the guan back up with almost reverent delicacy.
“No one has any right to humiliate you in such a way.” Lan Xichen’s voice is soft as he puts the guan back in place. “I am sorry, Wanyin.”
“It was your brother. You shouldn’t have fought with him. Not for me.” Even though his hair is returned to its regular state, the same cannot be said for the man as a whole.
Lan Xichen wastes no time taking the younger man by the shoulders and turning him so that they can look at one another. His grip is firm and his gaze flashes with fierceness and an undercurrent of hurt.
“It is precisely because it was my brother that I got as angered as I did. I would have defended you regardless of who it was. No one gets to do that to you, but especially not my family.” Lan Xichen speaks in a way that leaves no room for argument. Normally. For most people.
Jiang Wanyin is not most people.
“I’m not worth you fighting with your family. Besides, he doesn’t know about us–”
For the second time that night, Lan Xichen forgoes his own sect's rules and doesn’t allow the person he’s speaking with to continue. His tone is an odd balance of gentle and stern that only he can seem to manage. “I would fight everyone for you. I will not have you saying you are not worth it. That is my decision to make, and I have chosen you. It’s just about the only decision that still makes sense anymore, so please do not insist I question it. And regardless of whether Wangji knew or not, it was still out of line, and I plan on telling him about us the next time we speak if you would be amenable to that choice. I’d like for him to know the full reasoning for my anger.”
If the round, wide eyes and slack jaw Jiang Wanyin is giving him is any indication, those words are more than what he’d expected to hear and are beyond what he would otherwise believe, but he knows Lan Xichen doesn’t lie, so he won’t question this.
“Would you be amenable?” The fight leaves Lan Xichen’s voice and what’s left is a gentle trepidation. It’s hardly the time for either of them to be thinking of their next steps forward but Lan Xichen knows the conversation with his brother is hardly over despite it ending for the time being. He isn’t sure about much right now, but he has at least decided that he’s done keeping one of the few good things he has left a secret.
Jiang Wanyin offers a jerky nod in response and Lan Xichen moves in close to him, pulling him into his arms.
“We can discuss it more at a later time. For now, it’s late and I’m certain you’re just as exhausted as I am. We should rest.”
“You just put my hair up.” Jiang Wanyin’s voice is still subdued and sluggish, but Lan Xichen can hear the hint of teasing in the words.
“And I will take it right back down, then put it up again for you in the morning with all the care you deserve.” Lan Xichen speaks with a gentle smile gracing his face, punctuating the statement with a chaste kiss to the man in his arms.
With few other words exchanged, the two prepare to sleep. Lan Xichen doing what he promised and undoing Jiang Wanyin’s top knot and pulling it into a loose braid, followed by Jiang Wanyin insisting on doing the same for him, putting particular care into removing his forehead ribbon and folding it to place it on the low table near the bed.
Once they’ve both crawled into bed and the lights have been extinguished, Jiang Wanyin rests his head on the other’s chest, while Lan Xichen wraps his arms around him, holding onto him tightly. They haven’t shared nights quite like this, but he knows the younger man finds comfort in the pressure tethering him to his body after moments where panic left him drifting. Meanwhile for Lan Xichen, it’s just a comfort to have Jiang Wanyin near. For both, it’s a reminder that they aren’t alone, which is something they both grasp onto like a lifeline.
“A-Huan…”
“Yes, my heart?”
“Will you still be here when I wake up?”
“I will be right here when you wake. I gave you my word. I won’t go anywhere.”
With that small reassurance, Jiang Wanyin allows himself to drift off to sleep, Lan Xichen following suit shortly thereafter.
~•~
Lan Xichen awakens at 5 AM to no great surprise to himself. What does come as a surprise, however, is finding one of his hands laced together with Jiang Wanyin’s, both clutched tightly to the other man’s chest while storm-grey eyes watched him.
“Wanyin?”
“Good morning.” Jiang Wanyin responds with a clarity of voice that wasn’t there the night before, evident even through the early morning, sleep-softened state.
“Why aren’t you still asleep? Was it nightmares? You should have woken me.”
“No, it’s okay. If I dreamt last night, I don’t remember any of it. I just woke up not too long ago and couldn’t fall back asleep.”
“How are you feeling?” Lan Xichen can see well enough in his love’s eyes, that now lack the unfocused, listless quality they held last night, that he’s at least returned to himself a bit, but where Jiang Wanyin is concerned, that only means so much. The man is so very good at locking away his own feelings and pushing through with a human mask adorning his face and playing the part he feels he’s expected to play. If Lan Xichen stopped to reflect for just a moment, he might recognize that’s a quality they both share. He’s not quite there yet.
“I am… okay. I’m still hurt, but I’m better than last night.” Jiang Wanyin speaks with an openness he can share with no one else (living, at least). Years ago, a simple ‘I’m fine.’ would be all that he uttered, but he knows well enough now that Lan Xichen won’t accept that from him. “I should be asking you that, though. How are you?”
Lan Xichen pauses, eyes widening to an almost comical expression of shock. He knows he should have expected that question, but it caught him off guard nonetheless.
“I—“ He scrambles for words, placating, reassuring, anything, but finds himself coming up blank. “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about anything yet. I think I need a little more time before it all sinks in.”
Jiang Wanyin reaches out to him, brushing his thumb along Lan Xichen’s jawline, having noticed him starting to clench his teeth and hoping to ease the tension he sees there. The other’s gotten so good at reading him by this point that Jiang Wanyin truly hopes the expression on his face doesn’t come across as anything but a tired understanding.
“Take all the time you need, A-Huan. If there’s anything I can do, please just ask.”
Lan Xichen nods. “For now, I think we should just prepare for the day. It would be best if we find your head disciple before he grows impatient and comes to check on you.”
Jiang Wanyin can see that for the deflection it is, but he’s not about to call the other man on it. Gods know he’s utilized the same tactic more times than he can count.
Both men take their time making themselves ready for the day. Lan Xichen, true to his word the previous night, insists on doing the other sect leader’s hair once again, planting a small kiss into his scalp after the guan is once again affixed on his top knot. Following suit, Jiang Wanyin takes Lan Xichen’s forehead ribbon off the low table and carefully ties it in place. It’s not lost on Lan Xichen how the other man takes a moment to twine his fingers through the ends before stepping away.
By the time they finally make it to Jiang Wanyin’s office, his head disciple is pacing outside the door with a stormy look he had obviously picked up from his sect leader.
It takes no small amount of reassurances to convince the second-in-command that; no, he does not need to worry about his sect leader any more than he does on a daily basis, no, Lotus Pier does not need to prepare for an incoming attack, and no, the cultivation world is not heading towards another war. In that order.
They do decide to leave the Lotus Pier gates closed to outsiders for the time being. Neither Lan Xichen nor Jiang Wanyin can say if anyone will try to make an appearance, but they’d rather not risk it if avoidable. (Jiang Wanyin is all but certain Wei Wuxian will not be attempting to smooth things over between them when he can be traipsing off into the sunset with his precious Lan-Er Gege and ‘leave it in the past’, and while Lan Xichen can’t speak to that even if he has some thoughts on the subject, he does think his brother may want to resolve things). Both of them agree they want some time. Lan Xichen intends to stay in Lotus Pier alongside Jiang Wanyin while they both recover from the blows they’d received so they can at least begin to think about how they will move forward.
With some heavy convincing from both Lan Xichen and his head disciple, Jiang Wanyin agrees to leave most pertinent tasks, save for official communication, to others. He barely knows the word ‘vacation’ so he’s unable to even pretend he’s not antsy in the downtime.
That fact resolutely changes, however, after only a couple days when he returns to his quarters after checking on his disciples to find the sword stand knocked to the ground and Lan Xichen sitting in the middle of the room with his palms pressed firmly to the floor, struggling to regulate his breathing. They get through it, but Jiang Wanyin decides then and there that for now, he can rely on his disciples to keep the sect running. If the disciples are secretly a bit relieved that something finally got their sect leader to allow himself a break, well that’s just between them.
The two spend a couple weeks in relative peace, each having their bad days as they process everything they've gone through, but finding solace in one another. However, that relative peace shatters after a group of disciples return from a night hunt with the news that the esteemed Hanguang-Jun has eloped with Wei Wuxian.
A complicated mix of emotions rushes through Lan Xichen while Jiang Wanyin finds nothing but bitterness rising like bile in his throat.
Lan Xichen loves his brother. He knows better than anyone the amount of grief Lan Wangji fought through to earn this happy ending. He wants this for his little brother more than anything, and it’s not surprising to him that Wangji wouldn’t want to wait any longer to marry the man he’s loved for the better part of two decades. But he had, maybe selfishly, thought Wangji and him could talk before he left to chase that happiness, or that they might remain close to Cloud Recesses on that journey. He’d been beginning to think of his next steps, and part of what he was thinking had been in hopes that his brother might take on a few of his sect duties so the entirety of the burden wasn’t left on their uncle’s shoulders. Again. And maybe, even if he wouldn’t vocalize it, he’d hoped he’d have his brother there to lean on while he worked through his grief. Beyond all that, he’d wanted to be there when his brother married.
Jiang Wanyin, alternatively, is not even slightly surprised, but he is hurt. Of course Wei Wuxian had said to leave it all in the past, but he still feels a sharp sting of abandonment knowing how easily his former brother shixiong had been able to do just that. In the smallest corner of his mind he can admit he missed Wei Wuxian and hoped they might be able to work through the barriers they both had a hand in building between them. It’s clear to him that Wei Wuxian obviously isn’t interested in the same and despite so much grief and so many years to process it all, it makes him sick to think one member of the family he’d lost could return but no longer want anything to do with him. He won’t allow himself to think about what that says about him, but he can feel the thoughts gnawing at the edges of his mind waiting for a quiet moment of solitude to overtake him.
The two men retreat to the sect leader’s quarters and sit in silence for some time; Lan Xichen at the window, staring out into the lakes, while Jiang Wanyin rests his head on his lap. The sun sets low over the waters outside before either gathers themselves enough to speak.
“Wanyin, I’d like your opinion.” Lan Xichen says, breaking the silence first.
“Mm. What on?” Jiang Wanyin moves as he speaks, sitting up so he can meet the other’s gaze, knowing this likely won’t be a casual conversation.
“I believe it would be best if I try to speak with my brother before too much more time has passed, but I’d like to have a plan for what I do next before I meet with him. I was hoping you’d permit me to stay in Lotus Pier with you for some time. I just… I’m not sure I want to be alone right now.”
Jiang Wanyin nods in understanding. “Xichen, you know you don’t even have to ask. Of course I would let you stay. But I assume your other option was going to be seclusion in Cloud Recesses? What if I have another idea?”
Lan Xichen quirks his head in question, saying nothing, but prompting the other man to continue.
“I think I need some time away as well. My disciples would throw a party and push me out the gates if I so much as hinted at a vacation, but I think I can trust them to keep the sect standing in my leave. However, Jin Ling needs me right now while he’s being installed as the new sect leader.” Jiang Wanyin takes Lan Xichen’s hand when his breath catches at that statement. “I don’t intend to stay in Lanling, nor would I suggest you come there with me, but I need to be close and accessible. There’s a cottage near the border of the territories. I think you would like it there. We could stay until we’re comfortable returning. Tell the entire cultivation world to go to hell, or just that we’re both entering seclusion.”
Jiang Wanyin fidgets nervously for a brief moment while he waits for a response. For as comfortable as they’ve grown with one another over the years, there’s still a (gradually quieting) voice in the back of his mind waiting for the other man to refuse him and walk away.
But Lan Xichen doesn’t give him long to travel down that train of thought before responding, “I would like that. Thank you.”
~•~
Missives are sent and not long passes before Lan Xichen finds himself standing just beyond Yunmeng borders watching his brother and his brother’s new husband approach.
His stomach twists painfully at the sight of Wei Wuxian.
Lan Xichen knew it was likely that his request to speak alone would be ignored, and had insisted Jiang Wanyin remain in Lotus Pier despite the offer of him coming along. He knows Jiang Wanyin isn’t ready to face his former shixiong and having the four of them together again so soon would likely just end in another fight. No. It was better that he came alone. He just desperately wishes his brother had made the same decision. As he’d requested. And Lan Xichen can’t quite squash the intrusive thought that of course his requests aren’t heeded. His judgment had been proven so misguided as of late so it only makes sense that even his own family—
His train of thought is interrupted by the two newcomers reaching a stop in front of him, and offering all-too-polite bows and a curt chorus of greetings.
“Xiongzhang.”
“Zewu-Jun.”
“Wangji. Young Master Wei.” Lan Xichen turns to his brother with a strained smile. “I’d hoped to speak with you alone.”
“Wei Ying stays with me.”
“I see.” Lan Xichen’s throat feels dry and his mind is churning as he decides how best to broach the topic at hand. He’s not sure if it’s lucky or unlucky that Wei Wuxian decides to take that burden from him right off the bat.
“Er… Zewu-Jun, I apologize that you both had to be stuck in the middle of my problems with Jiang Cheng. The two of you shouldn’t fight because of us. I didn’t really think Jiang Cheng would still be that mad at me and react that way, or that anything from our past would be brought up, so I’m sorry you had to witness all of that.”
Lan Xichen doesn’t interrupt and allows him to finish speaking, but it’s a near thing. The already strained smile on his face is looking less and less like the perfect mask he’d created to face the world with and more like a grimace by the time he responds.
“With all due respect, Young Master Wei, I believe your view on the situation to be flawed, and I do not wish to discuss it with you at this time. Any conversation you need to have should be with Jiang Wanyin, and not myself.”
“Wei Ying is trying to apologize, Brother. We came to apologize to you.” Lan Xichen can easily see the frustration quickly rising in his brother as he speaks.
“And yet I did not come seeking an apology from either of you, nor do I understand why you feel it is me who is owed as much. Wangji, I came to speak with you to explain my anger at how everything transpired.”
Wei Wuxian has the decency to look abashed as he takes a step back to allow the two brothers a moment to speak, and while Lan Wangji doesn’t say anything, Lan Xichen recognizes the look on his face that urges him to continue.
“To start, you hurt and disrespected Jiang Wanyin, a sect leader, in his own familial ancestral hall, a place you had no right to be in uninvited.”
“Wei Ying brought me.”
“And yet he is not a member of the Jiang family. He is no longer even a Yunmeng Jiang disciple as I distinctly remember him defecting some time after the war.” When Wei Wuxian looks as if he’s going to speak up regarding that point, Lan Xichen looks directly at him before continuing speaking, not allowing the other to interject. “And yes, I understand there are intricacies there I do not know about. But the point remains, neither of you had any right to be there, and Jiang Wanyin cannot be faulted for being upset by two people he is not on good terms with intruding in the Jiang ancestral hall.”
“Jiang Wanyin’s anger was out of line and hurting Wei Ying.”
“So you attacked and humiliated him for it! After he was slapped in the face by life-changing information and was told that he never would have been able to accomplish any of what he did without Wei Wuxian’s golden core. Not only is that insinuation entirely untrue, it was beyond insulting, and in his ancestral hall no less! How else would you have expected him to react?”
A cold defiance bleeds through Lan Wangji’s expression and into every word. “I did what was needed for him to stop.”
“I am not finished, Wangji! Does Jiang Wanyin not have a right to his own grief? After everything he’s gone through, why should he be expected to act as if every traumatic event he shouldered alone never happened? You cannot even imagine how any of that was for him, because every bit of pain we have experienced, we have had each other. We have had Shufu. Should he not be allowed to
express that pain to the one person he wanted to hear him? The one person he had wanted at his side?”
“It would seem he had you.”
“Yes, he had me, but not to an extent he deserved. Following your punishment, I barely left your side. I assisted with Sizhui and helped treat your wounds. He had just lost two of the last remaining members of his family, was still rebuilding his sect from nothing and caring for his infant nephew, meanwhile I was only there for him through letters. But those were all my choices, I do not regret them, and that is not the point I’m here to make, Wangji.
“I am asking you to try and understand that yours and Wen Qionglin’s actions towards him were unfair. That you were all wrong to have been in his ancestral hall, and then to disrespect and hurt him so intensely there of all places. And that maybe, despite your negative feelings towards him, he has been through enough and doesn’t deserve to be hurt further just because he finally expressed it, even if it hurts Young Master Wei.”
It’s then that Wei Wuxian decides to step in again. “He can hate me for everything! But he is better off if we both leave it all in the past, just like I told him, because none of it can be changed now. I can’t fix it.”
“And that is a decision you made for him. Not even considering what he might need to even begin to be able to let all of that go. Wei Wuxian, did you ever consider that he may want you to pay respects to his parents and would have taken you to the ancestral hall himself, had you just asked? And here’s another question. Did you happen to notice that there are no dogs in Lotus Pier? If you truly think he hates you, you do not know your brother at all. You should know better than anyone that he shows his love through actions instead of words, and yet you seem to be so oblivious to all the ways he still loves you. He may not communicate it well, but I truly believe he just wanted his brother back. And you made the call to walk away. Again. Truly is it any surprise he got as hurt and upset as he did?”
Wei Wuxian’s gaze goes distant and silence falls over the clearing for a beat before Lan Wangji speaks up. “Brother is in love with Jiang Wanyin.”
“I am.”
“For how long?”
“We got close in the time I was missing after Cloud Recesses was attacked. We worked together to gather forces so we could convince the other sects to join us in the Sunshot Campaign.”
“Did anyone know?”
“Shufu knows. Maiden Jiang also knew.”
This is enough to get Wei Wuxian to look up from where his eyes had been burning holes into the ground. “Shijie knew?”
“Yes. She found out during the war.”
Wei Wuxian’s response is quiet, subdued as his shoulders slump forward. “Why wasn’t I told?”
“You had quite a lot on your plate then, Young Master Wei, and at the time neither of us knew if what we had would continue. When we did decide to remain together, we felt it best to keep it between the two of us.”
“You said… You said he just wanted me back. Do you think that’s still true?” Wei Wuxian looks up at Lan Xichen with a raw hope written across his features.
“I’m not sure. Right now he’s quite upset, but maybe with time.”
“I see. I’ll uh… I’ll let the two of you talk.”
At Wei Wuxian’s retreat, Lan Wangji approaches his brother, his tone and expression calmer than they had been previously. “You have chosen Jiang Wanyin?”
“I have.”
“I will respect Xiongzhang’s decision. I am sorry to have upset you.”
“I was upset because Wanyin was hurt. Wangji, I understand why you defend Young Master Wei, but Wanyin was hurt severely in the process and I will no longer accept him being the collateral damage in Wei Wuxian’s wake. He’s been hurt enough.”
Lan Wangji nods, offering a quiet understanding. “Will you enter seclusion? Shufu suggested you might.”
“I will, yes.”
“May I visit? We can speak further. Alone.”
“I will not be in Cloud Recesses, but after some time has passed, yes. I would like that.”
Lan Xichen can see the confusion in his brother’s eyes so without needing him to pose the question, he answers. “I would like to be away for some time to work through everything, and I don’t believe seclusion in Cloud Recesses is the right setting for that. I have already sent word to Shufu. He will know how to reach me, and I will let the both of you know when I am prepared to have visitors. Truly, I appreciate you offering as much, Wangji.”
“Mn.” The short expression is coupled with another nod, but Lan Xichen understands the unspoken words.
“And Wangji? Congratulations. I am happy for you.”
The slightest hint of a smile pulls at the edges of Lan Wangji’s mouth.
“Thank you, Xiongzhang.”
~•~
A few more weeks pass allowing Jiang Wanyin to prepare his head disciple to run things in his absence, but the moment they’re comfortable leaving, Lan Xichen and Jiang Wanyin make the trip to the cottage. The place is remote, quiet, but it’s not a suffocating silence. Both of them feel like maybe they can breathe for the first time since their respective worlds were turned upside down. They know moving forward won’t necessarily be easy, but it’s a good place to start.
Jin Ling is set to arrive in the morning to visit for a short while before returning to Carp Tower, and they still have plenty of work to do to set up the cottage, but for the night, they settle in with one another.
Jiang Wanyin’s head rests on Lan Xichen’s chest, while Lan Xichen cards his fingers through the younger man’s unbound hair, gently detangling the strands at the side of his head where his braids create loose waves. Jiang Wanyin clutches onto the ends of Lan Xichen’s forehead ribbon, and between the sound of the steady rain outside and the heartbeat and breathing of the man he loves, he allows the melody of all three to pull his mind away from the discordant thoughts threatening to take his attention away from the moment.
“A-Huan?”
“Yes, my heart?”
“Thank you.”
The smile gracing Lan Xichen’s features can be heard in his voice. “Now whatever did I do to earn your thanks?”
“You put me first. No one’s ever done that before.”
“Oh, darling, that’s nothing you have to thank me for. You’re here with me now. You could have stayed in Yunmeng with your sect, or gone to Lanling for Jin Ling, but instead you’re here with me, while also prioritizing yourself. There’s nothing to thank me for because you’re doing the same for me, and that means more to me than I can possibly say.”
Jiang Wanyin buries his face a little further into the older man’s chest, his voice getting muffled but still perfectly clear to Lan Xichen. “I’m going to have bad days.”
“I will too.”
“But I’m here for you. I’m glad we’re here. Together.”
“And I, you.”
They know their pain is far from gone, even if it’s quiet at that moment. The road to healing won’t be easy with how deeply their hurts are rooted, but there is hope there.