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Two figures waltzed in the dark, the moonlight washing over them and the waves wrapping around their ankles as they swayed with the wind. Joonghyuk and Dokja, both wearing light clothes and holding each other in their arms, smiled without a care in the world, eyes gazing into galaxies and brimming with love. Joonghyuk spun his lover around and caught him by his waist. They were on vacation at a beach resort, spending their time away from the city and they agreed to take a walk at the beach, letting the cold air prick their skin and enjoying the ocean scent. Dokja was pulled close to Joonghyuk’s chest, giggling.
“T- that tickles!” He couldn’t stop the eruption of laughter as Joonghyuk nibbled his ear, the strong arms still trapping him in his embrace.
“But it’s not supposed to tickle.” The man pouted and picked Dokja up bridal-style, trudging out of the waters and back on dry land, his usual wavy hair sticking out in all sorts of directions. It was serene: no Sooyoung teasing them, no Gilyoung or Yoosung dragging Dokja away, no Jihye being nosy. It was just them alone. And it was perfect. “Let’s rest early for tomorrow.”
“But Joonghyuk-ie, we have all the time in the world though?” Now it was Dokja’s turn to pout, cutely too. Joonghyuk almost forgot how to breathe; although Dokja’s cuteness could kill him someday if he wasn’t careful, he still managed to keep himself composed.
“Let’s get back before sunrise.”
“Aww. Fine, fine, we’ll get back inside.” Joonghyuk failed to catch the melancholy smile when he turned to leave and the older man was left to hurry behind him.
They entered their room for tonight and as Dokja washed up, Joonghyuk placed a hand on the balcony handrails, the metal cold against his palm while his eyes wandered to the ocean, the reflection of the moon and stars uncanny. Everything he felt, touched, tasted… it all felt real though deep in his mind, there was still something wrong, something he was missing. Pale arms slipped around his torso and he was pulled into a tight hug.
“Joonghyuk, is something the matter?”
“No… I don’t think there is anything wrong. Maybe I’m just tired.” Instead of getting a reply in return, Dokja pushed him towards the bed and forced him to lie down, pulling the duvet over them and snuggling closer to his lover.
“Then sleep. I don’t want you to get too tired on our first day of vacation.” Gods, he’s beautiful. Joonghyuk thought as he caressed Dokja’s warm cheeks and pecked his lips. Sleep then took over.
“Joonghyuk, Joonghyuk-ie, sunfish! Wake up, wake up, it’s morning!” Joonghyuk blinked at the person above him and shielded his eyes from the sun rays.This was strange: Dokja was known to wake up late whenever they lived together yet here he was, awake early in the morning. He grunted and cleared his throat,
“Morning darling. Should I-”
“No need to cook! I called for room service.” Room service? Baffled, Joonghyuk nodded and clumsily got out of bed. He couldn’t recall if they had any room service to begin with, but it didn’t really matter: whatever Dokja wanted, he would comply. “Hey Joonghyuk-ie, shall we go to the beach again?” A frown appeared on the man’s face.
“Again?”
“Why not? The feel of the sand, the sounds of the waves, the beauty of the ocean itself.” Dokja turned and beamed. “”I love it all. Sometimes, I wish I could just go at night when it’s all quiet and it’s just me alone. It’s peaceful.”
“Dokja-”
“And the cold breeze that comes with it too, it’s soothing and you know, relaxing.” Joonghyuk hugged him and spoke in a low tone next to his ear,
“Okay, okay. We’ll go to the beach now, darling. Do you need anything with y-” He didn’t finish his sentence when Dokja dragged him out of the room, out of the building and down the stairs that faded into the comfy sand. Dokja skipped over to the waves and breathed in the scent of the ocean breeze, gazing wistfully towards the sea. Joonghyuk tried getting his attention to no avail.
“Joonghyuk-ie… sometimes I wonder… What is it like out there? Outside of the city and in a world where we’re not suffering…”
“Huh? But Dokja, we are outside of the city?” He gave the younger man a slight smile.
“Nevermind. Let’s go eat breakfast!”
……
That night, the words Dokja had asked weighed on Joonghyuk’s mind, his thoughts a jumbled mess and chaotic. He didn’t understand what he meant by his questions; he also didn’t understand Dokja himself. The man had been a part of his life as long as he could remember yet why did this Dokja feel like a stranger. His lover popped his head from under the duvet and faced him. They stared at one another until Dokja grabbed his hand and played with his fingers while whispering in a serious tone,
“Joonghyuk.”
“Yes? What’s wrong?”
“Joonghyuk. Don’t you think it’s time to wake up now?” Joonghyuk furrowed his brows in confusion.
“What do you mean?”
“Joonghyuk, it’s time to wake up.” He felt himself get lifted in the air, the scenery changing around him: he recognised Dokja’s favourite bookstore and the apartment they shared, the promise ring Dokja shyly gave to him but the rest was a colourful blur. The world stopped spinning and he was back at the same beach again; he was standing amongst the waves, the water in level with his waist. After catching his footing, his eyes shot up and darted around the water with worry and finally, he found Dokja a couple metres away from him.
“Dokja, what just- what are you doing out there? Come back!”
“Joonghyuk. Did you not notice anything different with me?”
“I- I don’t understand what you mean.”
“The real Dokja wouldn’t call for room service: why would he if you’re there to cook for him. The real Dokja wouldn’t want to come to the beach: he was terrified of the ocean. The real Dokja wouldn’t want to be alone: he had you. So tell me, why didn’t you notice?”
“Dokja, calm down, pelase…” ‘Dokja’ only smiled at him and took a step back, the water rising up to his chest. Joonghyuk rushed forward to grab his hand; however, he was at a disadvantage as the waves forced him back, the distance between them increasing.
“It’s time to wake up, my love.”
“Kim Dokja! Kim… Dok…” Despite Joonghyuk slowly losing his voice, he continued to bellow out his lover’s name and moved with difficulty.
“Yoo Joonghyuk. Everything will be okay. It’s all okay.” The last thing Joonghyuk saw was ‘Dokja’ mouthing something as a certain, large wave came crashing down on the man, erasing his presence.
“KIM DOKJA!” Joonghyuk sat up in fright, sweating as he searched for the man in his room. But he was nowhere to be seen. In fact, there was one thing he had forgotten: he already lost Dokja a few days ago. He absently wandered around and collapsed by the door, face in hand and taking deep, slow breaths.
“Joonghyuk, if you’re still alive, open your door. I don’t care how long it needs to be but I’m willing to wait outside your apartment until you. Open. The damn. Door!” The voice of Han Sooyoung erupted from the other side of the door. Sooyoung… maybe she knows where Dokja is. He thought wildly and swung the door open, revealing an angry woman with her leg up, preparing to kick down the apartment door. As she lectured the poor man, the mess in Joonghyuk’s room got clearer: glass bottles were strewn across the floor, dirty clothes piled in one corner and roughly cut-out newspaper articles pinned the the walls, all regarding the tragic death of a man on his way to buy a present.
On Joonghyuk’s birthday, Dokja asked him to wait at home as he prepared to get his gift from the store. He left with the most happiest grin on his face,
“I’ll be right back.”
Those were his last words. He waited and waited, sat around and pathed a trail behind him, just waiting. He only discovered Dokja’s death a few hours later; the news showed the accident that had happened nearby and the unfortunate people caught in it. The bloodied hand behind the news reporter; the ring glistening in the rain, reflecting the fire burning from one side. He wasn’t coming back.