Chapter Text
Saturday, October 24
I’m dreaming.
You think as Silco prepares you breakfast. A towel is slung over his left shoulder, and as you sip your coffee you consider his slow, methodical movements with the kitchen knife. Each slicing movement is in perfect control. For a moment all you do is watch, and wonder at this rare insight into a peaceful, domestic life.
This is nice.
It’s more than nice, it’s perfect. You’re lost in the haze of (confused) contentment, feeling lucky that this is how you get to spend Saturday morning.
Silco lifts the cutting board and slides the contents into a pan with an efficient swipe. The air is filled with aromatic sizzling.
“What time is your shift this evening?”
You don’t process he’s asked you a question until he turns around to look at you.
His smile makes you blush, and you straighten with a stammer, “Oh. Um, 2:30 to close.”
“And tomorrow?”
“I close again. And then I’ll be uh… spending time with Cal and The Last Drop crew at the pumpkin patch.”
“And I work tomorrow morning,” He says, returning to his work. “I had hoped we’d have more time together... but I suppose it’s just as well. Considering the conversation with Jinx, I may need a few days alone with my daughter.”
You hum your agreement.
You could definitely take some time to think. Though the very idea that you’ll have to go to work tonight, and leave Silco and Jinx behind for an indefinite amount of time is...
Depressing.
It wouldn’t be so terrible if you knew you’d be coming right back after your shift, but you’ll be doing no such thing. Not tonight, or even in the foreseeable future. Despite everything, there’s no guarantee that Silco is going to fast-track his plan to talk to the board about you and him.
Even if Sevika told Silco he should marry you.
And while he hadn’t said he hated the idea outright, he hadn’t said yes either. So did he foresee a permanent future with you, or were you simply a good thing in his life that he wished to keep around for the time being? A useful distraction?
You refuse to believe that, especially considering how he was the one who asked to forego any rash, passionate decisions last night. If you were nothing but a distraction he wouldn’t have restrained himself. He’d have done what he liked, and let you – and everybody else – think whatever they wanted.
So perhaps this is why he’s being so cautious about sharing your relationship with the board. If he didn’t care about you or your feelings, then he wouldn't care how they viewed you. You would be nothing more than Charles’ opinion: a foolish opportunist sleeping with her boss to get a promotion.
But he does care, so you clearly mean just as much to him as he does to you.
And exactly what does Silco mean to you? Do you want to marry him?
Last night, in the heat of the moment, of course you’d thought yes.
And now?
As you continue to watch Silco chop, sautee, flip, and do all manner of professional, chef-like movements, you think of all the arguments you’ve had. Of all the difficult moments and conversations. Of his secrecy and bullheaded, stubborn beliefs. Of his negative and dark thoughts.
Then you think of your own issues.
You trust too easily, you make too many assumptions, and you’re terribly self-righteous.
Opposites in many striking ways, and strangely alike in several as well. Jinx had noted it on the night of the sleepover. You complement each other, managing to handle the relationship with purposeful collaboration even before you were official. You both naturally communicate, can acknowledge when you’re wrong, and demand honesty. You respect each other’s beliefs and admit your faults, even while expressing what you each believe to be right.
And all of it feels so natural.
Not perfect of course, but what relationship is? And you have to remind yourself that this relationship is barely three weeks old, and officially, less than one.
And look how far you’ve gotten in so short a time.
Sitting in Silco’s kitchen, sipping coffee while you watch him cook breakfast. Tired, but peaceful. Content, and feeling like you’ve belonged here for years.
Maybe after all you’ve been through in so short a time, time has become an irrelevant variable. Which is weird, considering how different your feelings were a month ago. Perhaps it’s the effect of finding someone who understands and appreciates your soul without the need for words.
So would you marry Silco, if he asked you?
You can’t even whisper the answer to yourself, it feels so delicate. But the idea burns itself into your chest, and you hide behind your coffee as your face heats.
You know you’ve still got a lot to learn about being a good partner, let alone a wife or a surrogate mother. It’s almost overwhelming to even use those terms, but you’d said once that you were willing to do the work to be a good employee.
Well, you’re also willing to do the work to be with him. And you believe Silco is willing to do the work to be with you, too. Hasn’t he already set aside his all consuming, important work to be with you? And hasn’t he shown you that your ideas and opinions are important? That he appreciates the efforts you take on his behalf?
You can build a life with that. You can build more than a life with that. What else could you ask for in a relationship but the respect you already have for each other? It’s like your mom said: you have to choose love every day. You and Silco will have to choose each other every day. Quite frankly you’re already doing it.
And you’re willing to keep doing it, no matter the cost.
The question remains: will he?
For better or for worse? For as long as you both shall live?
Your stomach clenches, and you start messing with a strand of your hair.
“What are you making?” You ask at last.
“One of Jinx’s favorites. Since I must speak with her today, I thought it would be best to start the conversation on favorable footing. If that’s possible.”
He sounds doubtful, and guessing by Jinx’s response yesterday, he probably has every right to doubt. It was going to take more than a special breakfast to make the conversation anything less than difficult.
But it was a start.
“Do you know what you’re going to say?”
“I believe it would be best to get to the point quickly. To sugar coat the truth would be unwise, and I can only hope that she will reserve her judgment until I’ve given her the full story. Perhaps knowing my reasons.…”
“Jinx loves you. She’ll try to understand.”
He sets down his knife with a sigh and rubs at his brow. “I know. My biggest concern at the moment is ensuring she is not overwhelmed by my recalling the past.”
You immediately set down your cup and slide off the chair to circle the island. His profile is stoic, his features tense.
You take his hand, and he acknowledges it with a barely felt tightening of his fingers.
“You’ll be alright. You’re always very careful.”
“What if she doesn’t forgive me?”
His words fall like a stone in your gut, but you try to sound reasonable. “Well it… it might take some time, but she will. She knows you love her. All your actions prove it.”
“And what if she wants to leave?”
The stone turns leaden.
“Then you let her,” You say with difficulty.
His gaze flashes as he meets your pained expression.
“How can I?” He asks harshly. “You know what she’s like when she loses control. What if she has an episode, and there’s no one around to take care of her properly? What if she harms herself? Or someone else.”
His eyes land on the faint scar that hasn’t quite healed around your eye, and for once you don’t know how to reassure him. If you were in his shoes, you’d feel the same fear too.
“I guess you’ll have to trust that since you raised her, she’ll learn how to regulate herself.”
“I’m worried about what other people will think of her.”
Me too.
But you swallow those words and scramble for an answer to satisfy him, as well as yourself.
“This situation is extremely rare, though, isn’t it? I mean, her sister coming back into her life. Unless there’s something or someone else in her past that might cause an issue?”
“There is no one else, to my knowledge,” He pushes out a heavy breath. “And her struggles are more with psychological triggers, which are more difficult to predict.”
“But at least after you explain, it’s not likely that she’ll have another surprise episode of that intensity, right?”
“Theoretically.”
“That’s something you can hold onto.”
He nods, though he still doesn’t look completely settled.
“And you’re going to set the record straight,” You continue. “so Jinx will have the opportunity to come to terms with the past. And maybe you can talk to Viyana and arrange a meeting between them.”
He looks ready to argue, but you place your hand on his arm and say quickly.
“Just think about it. Viyana ran away from the orphanage, so she probably has a lot of guilt about leaving Jinx behind. They could both use closure. Or at least healing, and you can help them.”
“I don’t foresee Viyana being very willing to collaborate with me.”
“I’d be happy to help, if I can. I could try to talk to her.”
“I don’t wish to insert you into my family’s problems.”
“It’s a little late for that.”
You’d meant it as a cute little tongue-in-cheek joke, but you realize the moment it’s out of your mouth that it was in poor taste. His hand loosens its grip on yours, and his frown darkens.
“I’m sorry,” You say, grasping his hand more securely between yours. “I’m sorry, that was a bad joke. I didn’t mean it like that. I only meant... Look at me, please.”
You put a hand to his cheek, and gently redirect his averted face until he can’t avoid your eyes. It cuts you like a knife.
“I love you, Silco, and I have chosen to be with you.”
“I wish that choice was not such a heavy burden.”
“It’s not a burden,” You answer firmly. “You’re not a burden, and neither is Jinx. Besides, love always takes work, and I’m willing to do the work. I want to do the work.”
Doubt still lingers in his eyes, but he’s stopped trying to pull away.
“Do you trust me?” You ask.
He swallows, his features contorting with warring emotions. After a seemingly endless battle, he bites out, “Yes.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
He sounds almost annoyed by his own answer, and you let out a small laugh. “Is that so bad?”
“You have no idea what my trust may cost you.”
“I think I have a pretty good idea. Patience, mostly.”
“There is more to it than that.”
“I know. You are a very good looking but complicated man.”
He rolls his eyes. “I suppose I can admit to some guilt on that account.”
“That you’re very good looking?” You hold up a finger. “And remember, before you say anything, you promised to trust me.”
“I said I would trust you, not that I would agree with you.”
“Trust implies that you believe what I’m saying is true.”
“I trust that you believe you are telling the truth.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“That you believe you are telling the truth, regardless of whether it is true or not.”
You release an exasperated sigh, and you feel like you’ve won a small victory by getting him to smile. Even if it is small.
“See? This is what I’m talking about.”
He shifts to put both arms around you, and you settle more comfortably into his embrace.
“You're right. But I think you should forgive me for that particular fault.”
“Oh? And why’s that?”
“Because I have to maintain my strength of will – and sanity – beneath the onslaught of three very strong and opinionated women.”
You laugh. “That’s fair. Alright Mr. Spisak, I honor your struggle.”
“As you should.”
You laugh again, and he watches you with a slowly softening expression until your laughter fades away, and you gaze back at him with a self-conscious smile.
“Thank you,” He says simply.
“For what?”
“For staying with me. Even when I am not an easy man to deal with. You don’t know how… rare, it is, to have found a woman who is willing to take on all that you have without complaint.”
You make a slightly guilty face, and he raises an eyebrow.
“What?” you say defensively, “Don’t act like you haven’t complained about me either. I bet Sevika has had an earful since I entered your life.”
“More than an earful.”
“Ouch, okay. You didn’t have to say it like that.”
“If I’m being perfectly honest, you’re not any less complicated than I am.”
There’s a twinkle in his eye, though he says the words blandly.
“Thank you very much,” You laugh. “But now I kinda want to know what you complain about.”
He makes a sound as tilts his head. “Mostly how you ingratiate yourself every place you go.”
You wrinkle your nose. “Ingratiate? That makes me sound so devious.”
“Only by accident. Your natural charm disarms people and makes them take your side before they even realize they’re doing it. Then you make yourself useful until you become invaluable, and there’s no way to get rid of you.”
“So what you’re saying is… you’re mad that you want to get rid of me, but can’t because I’m invaluable?”
“Oh I’m not angry. In fact, I’ve come to terms with your presence here.”
“Wow, how romantic!”
“I am simply making the best out of an inconvenient situation.”
“Love is very inconvenient.”
“Though it has also provided a rather unexpected benefit to my business.”
“Really?"
“Yes. You charm people into my coffee shop, and keep them coming back by promising them friendship. And I get all the profit.”
He grins as you laugh. ”That’s horrible!”
“That’s business, darling.”
“You can’t possibly… I mean, you know I’m not just nice to people so they’ll keep coming back for coffee, right?”
“I know,” He says, and his voice softens as he touches your cheek. “And that is precisely why I complain about you. You are too good for me."
You lean into his touch, and after a moment of gazing into your eyes he releases you to turn back to the stove top.
“Sevika and I spoke last night, and it got me thinking.”
Your heart beats a little quicker. “Oh?”
“I think it’s fair to say that you’ve been helping me raise Jinx.”
“That might be overstating things…”
“No. You’ve helped me learn how to transition from raising a child to a young adult. A task I was singularly failing at, before you arrived.”
“I think you aren’t giving yourself enough credit.”
“Perhaps. But I will say that it has been a relief to share the responsibility. It’s difficult to keep the proper perspective.”
“A problem most parents have. It’ll take time, but I think you’re adapting to your role as mentor pretty well.”
“Thanks to you.”
“Well I’m glad to help.”
“You are more than a help. Jinx loves you.”
“And I love her.”
“You’d make an excellent mother.”
He doesn’t look at you when he says this, but as his words land you struggle through sudden, conflicting emotions.
Hope, desire, fear, anxiety.
Would I make a good mother?
Your hands are suddenly messing with the dishes sitting on the counter, organizing and reorganizing them as you reply. “Thank you. I mean I hope I will, someday. But it’s a big responsibility. To have your own child… I think I wouldn’t want to take that on unless I knew my partner… or I mean husband, and I could agree on how to raise them. Um… I mean marriage is definitely hard enough, or probably is. It seems like it, anyways. Without arguing about how to raise a child on top of everything else.”
“That won’t be a problem. Thanks to Jinx, we’ll have gotten all the usual arguments out of the way before...”
He cuts himself off, and you stare at his suddenly rigid profile in shock.
Before what? Before we get married? Before we have children of our own?
Your heart and mind are galloping.
After a beat of deepening silence, you say, a little breathless.
“You’re right. It won’t be a problem.”
His eyes dart towards yours, expression wary, and laced with something you dare not put into words. Something that you feel blossoming inside you as his lip curls into a ghost of a smile.
It takes a series of increasingly loud hisses and sizzles to finally draw his attention away. When it’s gone, you feel like you can finally breathe again.
Is he saying what you think he’s saying?
You can’t be sure, but whatever he’s trying to say, you don’t want to contemplate from anywhere except by his side.
“Would you like some help?” You ask.
“I’m fine, thank you.”
“I could wash some dishes.”
“I will do them after.”
“But I could do them now, and save you time.”
“I’m not in the habit of allowing my guests to clean up after my messes.”
“But I’m not really a guest. I’m your…”
Partner? Manager?
“... girlfriend.”
“Which is even more reason for you not to trouble yourself.”
“I disagree. A girlfriend is like… one degree away from family, and family helps each other. Besides, I want to help you.”
You watch his shoulders rise and fall. “Very well. If you won’t be dissuaded…”
“Nope.”
He shakes his head as you kiss his cheek, but you catch the ghost of a smile as you reach across him to grab a measuring cup. You sweep away the trash and take all the dishes to the sink. As you notice how far the mess has spread across the kitchen, you bite back a smile.
Apparently Jinx gets her kitchen etiquette from her father.
You prep the sink with soapy water. “Do you mind if I play some music?”
“Not at all. Feel free to connect to the sound system.”
“Alright.”
You put on something jazzy, and begin to scrub dishes as Ella Fitzgerald croons about Autumn in New York. You sing along quietly, and quietly Silco works at the stove. It’s a comfortable silence, one that settles around your shoulders. You finish your task before he finishes his, so you grab plates and utensils and try to decide how to set up the kitchen table.
“Is Sevika here?”
“No, she left early this morning.”
“Okay. Um, do you have a tablecloth or place mats or anything like that?”
“In the living room, in the television bureau.”
You head to the living room and peek inside the heavy cabinet. There aren't too many options, so you pick out the most autumnal cloth you can find: a simple forest green with gold stitching. There are no matching place mats, but there's a set of four that’s at least close in theme. You hurry back to lay down the chosen materials, then arrange the utensils.
Silco still isn’t done cooking, but he says, over his shoulder,
“Breakfast is almost finished. If you wouldn’t mind going upstairs and waking my daughter...”
“You don’t want to do it?”
“I believe she would prefer to see your face first this morning. It may help her feel safe.”
“Alright.”
You note how tense he is, and before heading to the door, pad over. He lets you turn his face and plant a long, slow kiss on his lips.
“I love you. And Jinx does too. Remember that.”
He nods stiffly, and after one more reassuring smile you head for the stairs to wake up Jinx.