Chapter Text
October 31, Pt. 2
The tightness in your chest releases. You blink back a sudden swell of emotion as your world realigns, and the ground under your feet stabilizes.
Every breath is shaky as you watch him reach out to greet your parents.
“Leslie, Fred. Thank you for coming.”
“Thank you for inviting us.”
Your mother steps forward quickly, and something is exchanged between her and Silco as they clasp hands. It happens quickly, a sort of sly, pointed look, but then it passes, and he’s offering his hand to your dad.
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person,” He says amicably. “I believe you haven’t met my daughter, or lieutenant.”
“No, I don’t believe so.”
Silco presents his family to yours, but never in your time knowing him have you seen him so...
Amicable?
Charming.
You're practically flustered just by listening to that velvet voice, and seeing that crooked smile.
Or maybe you’ve just been desperate to see him.
But in all this time, he still hasn’t directed either at you.
The rubber band once again starts to stretch.
You’re practically shaking. The world darkens as the noise in the room rises like a distracting clatter. You twitch at the sound of glasses clinking, of some rich woman’s high pitched titter.
Then your sister takes your arm.
“Breathe,” She whispers.
You nod too many times.
Eventually the room brightens and the noise subdues to a manageable hum. You focus on your breathing, keeping hold of her arm as you continue your inspection of Silco.
He’s wearing a classic black suit, and his eyepatch. His hair looks like its growing out on the sides, and a few top pieces are flopping charmingly onto his cheek. His blue chip eye glitters in the light of the chandeliers as he smirks at something your mom says. The rolling rock timber of his voice as he answers is like a balm to your soul.
I missed you.
He turns his head, and greets your sister.
“Allie. Good to see you again.”
“Hey sugar daddy. I heard you got the bastards who took my little sister.”
You blush hard as she pats your hand.
There’s tutting and giggling, from somewhere unseen.
Silco’s mouth twitches, not missing a beat as he tips his head. “Yes. I believe I’ve done what I can to ensure they won’t be bothering us again.”
“I hope you ripped them a new one.”
“That’s one way to put it,” There’s laughter around his eyes as he tips his glass and says, “Care for a drink?”
“Love one. They sell Shimmer here?"
"Not yet."
"That's a shame. I love that stuff."
You bite back a smile, and Silco's eye immediately drawn to the movement. It's as if he’s been waiting for an excuse to look at you, because once he's locked in, it appears that he's attempting to read every inch of your face.
Uneasiness builds as his smile slowly disappears, and is replaced by a frown.
You brush your hair behind your ear and look down, unable to hold his gaze any longer.
“What would you like, ma'am?”
Allie pats your arm and answers for you. “Let’s just get our girl some water. She probably hasn’t eaten anything all day. I told her too, but she’s been pretty distracted lately.”
You feel your cheeks heat again as you throw her a dirty look.
Silco's probably reading that too.
But then Allie steps forward, and he's gone from view. You feel like you can breathe easier out from underneath from his intense scrutiny. But as you try to gather your wits, your eyes are inevitably drawn back up to watch him. He’s having a word with the bartender, and he can’t hide a wince as he shifts on his feet.
You frown.
For a moment you think the light is playing tricks on you, but then you start to recognize all those dark shadows around his cheek as bruises.
Your attention sharpens.
There was an attempt to mask them with make-up, but you can see them clearly. This is when you notice the split lip, and the red discoloration around it. Also around his nose, which looks much fatter and more crooked than you remember. Then there’s the mottled shadowing on his jaw that has nothing to do with the soft candle light flickering on the bar.
Horror wells up inside of you.
“He says it looks worse than it feels,” Jinx says, somewhere close to your right.
You startle.
Jinx’s eyes are anxious she reaches for your hand. “Sorry Toots, I didn’t mean to –”
“No, it’s fine,” You hasten to assure her with an awkward laugh. “I just didn’t see you.”
She still looks worried.
You turn your attention away from yourself.
“What happened to him?”
“It was me,” Sevika says shortly. “Well, most of it.”
Your head whips around to stare at her in shock. Then you gasp, and almost recoil. But not because of the monstrous frown she’s wearing. It’s because of the dress.
Or a black lace Indian sari, to be exact.
But that’s not all. She’s also wearing a full face of make-up, and her bob cut is coiffed. Your eyes widen as you take in her perfectly contoured face.
“I know,” She says gruffly. “I’m in a fucking dress.”
“It’s weird, right?” Jinx says.
You aren’t sure what’s messing with your head more: the fact that she admitted to giving Silco all his bruises, or the fact that she looks comfortable in the Sari.
“And before you ask,” She continues blandly. “I was following orders. I wanted to fake it, but he claimed it needed to look real.”
She rolls her eyes and folds her arms with an unusual tenseness, and she looks troubled.
“Well I’m… I’m sure you went easy on him.”
You look back at Silco, uncertainly.
“As easy as I could. In my defense, Finn was the one who caused most of the mess on his face. He socked him in the nose.”
“Before you socked him back, or...?”
“Do you even have to ask?”
"Oh! No. I mean, I just thought maybe you went to jail because you... you killed him.”
“Don’t think it didn’t enter my mind. But then I realized it would have been a waste of a good prison sentence.”
You release a choked laugh.
Jinx cackles.
“So… why were you in jail then?”
”For use of excessive force in a citizen’s arrest. Apparently I was supposed to warn Finn before I punched his lights out.
”Oh. Well, if they knew him then they’d understand why you punched him first.”
Jinx grabs your arm as her cackle transforms into a dolphin screech. Sevika barks out such a loud, authentic laugh that it scares even the pianist into a false note. Their laughter starts to infect you, and some of the anxiety melts away.
You didn’t realize how much you’d missed all of them.
“Having a good time already?”
The three of you twist around to look at Silco. It’s only then you realize the room is quiet, and every head has turned to look at you. Most of the looks are scandalized and affronted. Your parents look embarrassed while Allie is grinning.
Silco’s smiling faintly, with a touch of amusement.
“Hell yeah brother,” Sevika raises her glass with a grin before throwing it back.
“Good. Then why don’t we take this party somewhere a little more private?”
“Yes,” Your mom laughs nervously. “Let’s do that.”
“Excellent. Pierre will show you to our table. Your daughter and I will be along shortly.”
Your heart jumps to your throat, beating double time, as he extends his arm. The music starts up again, and then slowly the people return to their dinners. Your family turns to follow the waiter, and Jinx squeezes your hand once before bobbing after Allie. Your sister gets in a wink before Jinx grabs her arm, and the two immediately fall into an animated conversation.
Silco waits until the group has disappeared before his chest rises and falls in a single, deep breath. Then he turns to fix his heavy blue gaze upon you.
After several long seconds he extends a hand, and you step forward to grab it. His eye searches your face as your eyes search his.
The bruises look so much worse up close.
“How are you?” He asks.
“I’ve been really worried – ” You begin, but your voice cracks as emotion chokes your throat.
You clamp your mouth shut, blinking rapidly.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Sevika told me what happened.” You eventually manage to whisper.
“Yes. I didn’t intend for things to get this far,” He winces as he touches his nose. “But Finn needed a distraction.”
“Did she really need to go so hard?”
“He’d been attempting to bribe her. We needed to make him think he was in control.”
You raise a hand to touch his face, and he releases a sigh as you rub your thumb across his cheek.
“Why?”
It’s a different kind of why, and he knows it.
It takes him several long moments to reply.
“Because your safety matters more to me than anything in this world. If anything had happened to you because of me...”
He stops, his icy eye a flame as his jaw clenches shut.
You swallow hard.
He heaves another heavy sigh before taking your hand away from his face to settle a kiss on your knuckles. He now has both of your hands in his.
"I've been through worse."
You don't like to think about that.
“But enough about me. I need to know about you.”
“There’s nothing to say, really. I’ve been resting.”
“Have you been feeling anxious?”
Your heart pounds, even while you shrug “I don’t know. Maybe. But it’s just general restlessness I think. Nobody would tell me what was going on."
"I didn't want them to worry you."
Too late for that.
“What about your heart?"
"What about it?"
"Does it race without any reason?"
“Not really.”
Except every night, in that moment right before between waking and sleeping.
He frowns. “Not really?”
“Sometimes, I guess.”
“When?”
“Does it matter?”
“Very much.”
Now you’re feeling the pressure.
“Fine. Right before I go to sleep, then.”
“Have you been experiencing any dizziness, or nausea?”
“Yeah, but that’s probably because I keep forgetting to eat.”
He looks concerned.
“Did the doctors diagnose you with anything, or give you medication, before they cleared you to leave the hospital?”
“Well I mean, I was kind of out of it for the diagnosis part, but I know they gave me some kind of a prescription. I just forgot to fill it.”
“Do it,” He says earnestly. “As soon as possible.”
“Silco, I don’t need…”
“I spoke with your mother the other evening. She told me that you’re exhibiting qualities of post traumatic stress disorder.”
“Oh come on,” You scoff, “I don’t have PTSD…”
“You’re easily startled. Feel nauseous, irritated, and nervous.”
“I’m fine,” You say firmly. “I told you. I’ve been distracted lately because I was worried about you.”
“Perhaps. Or it could be both.”
“Silco…”
“Jinx acts the same way, after her episodes. I recognize the symptoms.”
“I think everyone is overreacting. I mean, I was never really in danger.”
“You know that now. But your nervous system doesn’t.”
You glare at him.
He stares back, concern written across every inch of his face.
“Please fill the prescription. Start taking the medication and talk to a therapist, like your mother suggested. If not for yourself, then do it for me. I know it’s a selfish request, but it would be a weight off my mind to know you’re being cared for.”
You don’t understand it.
You don’t believe you need it.
But the pain on his face is too much for you to bear.
You push out a breath. “Okay, fine. I’ll do it. For you.”
His relief is palpable. He raises your hands and kisses both of them.
“Thank you,” He says fervently.
He then smiles, and keeps hold of your left hand while letting go of the other to grab a cane. You hadn’t noticed it resting on the chair next to him, but he leans on it heavily as he pulls you along with a pronounced limp.
He’s got more injuries than he’s sharing.
You grab his hand in both of yours, heart constricting. He’s the one covered in cuts and bruises and he’s worried about you.
You pull back your shoulders, and attempt to put on a brave smile when he looks at you over his shoulder.
You have to be strong.
The dinner table is in a private alcove, with the windows overlooking Zaun. The rest of the family is already comfortably situated around the length of the table, leaving the two end chairs open. You allow Silco to lead you to the farthest end of the table, closest to the window. He pulls back the chair for you. Jinx is on your right hand side, and Allie on your left. He them limps to the opposite end and levers himself slowly into the chair. Your mom is sitting at his right hand, and your dad on his left.
Sevika is kicking back next to your dad, in the center.
Allie and Jinx immediately fold you into their conversation.
"We were just talking about the menu," Allie says. Then, hooking a thumb at Jinx, “I was just asking her what she usually gets when she comes to places like this.”
“And I was saying that I’m a huge fan of chicken nuggets and mac and cheese, so I basically look for anything that comes close to that.”
“It's a good play," Allie replies. "And it looks like they’ve got truffle mac.”
“Yeah that’s pretty good. What are you gonna get Toots?”
“Oh she’s not hungry. She’s happy to eat up the sight of your dad for the rest of the night.”
“Hmm?”
The two girls snicker, and the dig sinks in after several delayed heart beats. You look away from Silco, face reddening.
“Oh, right. Ha ha.”
“Sorry sis, you’re just an easy mark.”
”yeah, I know.”
”I’m guessing you’re probably going to get the fancy fish and chips?”
“Probably. So um… Jinx. How’s it going with your sister?”
Jinx lights up, and launches into an animated story about how they spent their time yesterday: going to the shooting range, having lunch, then going on an unexpected ride along when Viyana got a call.
She shows you and Allie a video of Viyana chasing down a burly man on foot, and tackling him to the ground.
Allie laughs and asks to see the whole thing again. Jinx hands over the phone and swirls her virgin margarita gleefully.
“My sister’s pretty cool.”
“Looks like it. I think I need to ask her where she trains because that move right there, when she kicks his legs out from underneath him… I mean, woah! She's like, half his size! It’s crazy.”
“Oh I’m sure she’d love to share! She might even be able to hook you up with private lessons if I asked her.”
Allie perks up, and asks for Viyana’s number. This launches them into a conversation about self-defense.
You’re drawn away, into your own self-defensive thoughts.
You’d thought your mom was overreacting when she mentioned the therapist. But if Silco thinks it’s a good idea…
But it’s pretty lame that you need one, just because you went through a haunted maze on Halloween.
But not many people go through mazes and actually get drugged and kidnapped.
You were never in danger.
Yet Silco said your nervous system didn’t know that, which you guess is true. And it's not like you knew it at the time, either.
But it’s still stupid. The entire Spisak family have actually been through traumatic experiences in their lives, and people are telling you that you need to talk to a shrink because you got a little scared?
You cross your arms and scowl.
You’ve always thought of yourself as a strong and stable person, so having PTSD sounds like an enormous stretch.
But you’re terrified of walking through the house in the dark these days.
And you’d broken out in a cold sweat last night, even with your twinkle lights plugged in.
Someone brings your water, and you play with the straw and sip without thinking. You look up briefly, and catch Silco watching you with a frown.
You hide your face behind the cup.
This is ridiculous, you don’t need to see a therapist.
You're stronger than this.
The waiter comes to take your order.
You pick the fancy fish and chips.
Sevika is engaging your mom in conversation about the psychology of criminals, and your dad and Silco are having an animated conversation about cigars. Golf is also mentioned. Apparently Silco used to play.
Your dad urges him to pick up the sport again, and Silco agrees readily. They make a general plan to go to Pebble Beach sometime in the summer.
The world around you seems positively surreal.
It continues while the hors d'oeuvres are served.
At some point your half empty glass of water is filled up to the top without you realizing it.
Allie and Jinx plan out Jinx’s new tattoo as they almost single-handedly devour the contents of the bread bowl. You’re asked to weigh in your opinion on placement and style, and you offer the right back shoulder blade, as an option.
Jinx brightens.
"OMG, that's a great idea! Because..." She stops and suddenly lowers her voice in a conspiratorial manner. "Because Silco has a tattoo on his shoulder blade too."
"For real?" Allie whispers.
"For real! It's so cool. He got it when he was in the army. You should totally ask to see it sometime."
You realize Jinx is talking to you.
"Oh! Yeah, totally. I'd love to. I mean, I'd be interested to know what it... looks like, you know."
Allie and Jinx look at you funny.
You take a really long drink of water.
A smile grows on Allie's face.
"You've already seen it, haven't you?"
It's hard to play it cool with Sevika staring you down with one eyebrow raised, and that shit-eating grin.
"Uh... yeah."
Allie’s grin turns as shit-eating as Sevika's.
You feel the intense need to defend yourself as your cheeks flame. "But it wasn't weird or anything! I just asked him about it, and he showed me. Nothing happened."
"I never suggested anything happened."
"I know! I was just.... reassuring you."
Your eyes dart towards Jinx, who's looking kind of shocked (and awkward).
"Hey, I'm not your chastity belt sis. You can feel free to look at your boyfriend's naked back anytime you want, no judgement."
Sevika laughs.
Jinx covers her face and groans, "Ugh, this conversation is so weird!”
"What’s weird?" Your mom asks loudly from across the table.
You cover a deep sigh.
Of course you choose this moment to be nosy!
"Nothing serious mom," Allie says, around a laugh. "Just tattoos and placements and stuff. I know you love a good tramp stamp."
"Hey, I still think I might get one," your mother replies. "your father thinks they're cute."
She gives him an obvious wink, and he rolls his eyes with good humored exasperation.
Silco is leaning back, watching it all with a small smirk.
"Yeah, I know. Jinx was just telling us that Silco's got one on his back. What was it again, sis?"
All the eyes at the table look at you.
Silco's smile seems to have frozen.
Sevika looks like Christmas came early.
You flush darker, and start to stammer. "It was a um... a wolf. In front of the rubble of a city. I-It's a um... a tribute to your squad, right? Sevika? I think you have one too."
You look at her pleadingly for help.
"I sure do. It's on my left ribcage, and it hurt like a motherfucker. Sorry Leslie."
You mother waves her hand. "My daughter mentioned that you'd worked together in the military before settling in Zaun?"
Sevika happily launches into a rehash of her early military career.
You think of your hand running over Silco's tattoo, and the scars lining the rest of his body. There will probably be new ones to trace, the next time you see him.
Ooh, Jason.
You hurriedly retreat behind your cup to mask the new heat flooding your cheeks.
It's pathetic how the memory of that night still gets to you.
you want her so bad you look stupid.
You choke on your water, and you can't quite look at Silco again.