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Steve looked over at Tony covertly, while the other Avengers were distracted, arguing over what movie they should watch. Steve smiled coyly, and Tony knew what was coming next.
“Want me to come by your room tonight?”
Tony sighed internally. He licked his lips, heart ratcheting up. Tony wanted to say yes. He always said yes. Who wouldn’t want someone as sexy and responsive and just willing to explore, as Steve, in their bed.
He was Tony’s every fantasy. But there in lied the problem. He simply wanted Steve too much, and he had all these fantasies that had nothing to do with sex.
He wanted to go out on dates with Steve, share in the city that they both knew so well, but with completely different experiences. Tony wanted to spoil the shit out of him, quite frankly.
Tony imagined Steve’s pride would resist that kind of thing at first, but with enough cajoling he was sure he could swing it. It was just how Tony enjoyed showing his appreciation for people he cared about, giving them things that would make them happy.
And after everything Steve had gone through in his life, going without in his younger years and giving himself selflessly ever since then, the man deserved to be treated like he was special. Tony wanted to be the one to do that.
To make him blush with embarrassed delight when Tony bought him gifts, or organised a date that was extravagant yes, but that was designed with only Steve’s happiness in mind.
It wasn’t only the things outside of the bedroom that Tony was holding back, either. He had to resist every impulse to show Steve how much affection he had for him, when all he wanted to do was kiss every square inch of him all the while whispering everything he loved about Steve into his skin.
“Tony?” Steve prompted.
“Not tonight.” Tony said it more sharply than he intended. But the difference between his fantasy of Steve as his boyfriend who knew exactly how Tony felt about him and the reality of Steve suggesting some friends with benefits fun, was jarring.
He wanted to say yes. At least that way he could be close to Steve if nothing else. But increasingly, waking up to a cold and empty bed had just made him feel hollow. It hurt too much. He didn’t have it in him tonight.
“Oh.” Steve’s expression was at once surprised and disappointed, and Tony felt bad. Really he did. Steve didn’t know what was wrong so it was hardly his fault.
It reminded him that he really needed to talk to Steve about this, and soon, but he didn’t feel up to it tonight. It felt too strong, too raw.
“I have some things I need to finish in my lab, I’ll catch the next movie night.” He said suddenly, unable to stay here under Steve’s probing gaze a minute longer.
“Tony wait-”
He didn’t. He couldn’t. Tony bolted from the couch, and the room, unable to resist one final glance at a very confused Steve before he left.
Tony had a shitty night's sleep. It was restless. He kept thinking about what he should say to Steve—should he end it? Ask for more?—and coming up with worst case scenarios. Steve laughing at him, dismissing him, ending things.
Tony didn’t think he would ever be cruel even if he didn’t feel the same way. But try telling his brain that in the middle of the night.
The next day he avoided all people, holing up in his lab. Not that he got much work done, his concentration was absolutely shot. By the time the evening came around, he’d been going back and forth and back and forth all day long about what to do.
This couldn’t continue. It would hurt him too much, and Steve deserved to know that at least. Deserved the chance to respond. And if it was the worst case scenario, well, Tony had to know. Even the slimmest possibility of Steve responding positively was worth it.
He knocked on Steve’s door, doing his best to shake off the ridiculous nerves. He was Iron Man. He’d faced a wormhole in outer space strapped to a nuke. He could face this.
“Tony,” Steve said, his face a picture of surprise. “I didn’t expect to see you.”
“Yeah. I know. I’m sorry about last night.”
“It’s fine,” Steve shrugged but it wasn’t very convincing. “You don’t owe me anything.”
He didn’t owe him anything. Tony hated that. He wanted Steve to have expectations.
“I have a proposal,” he rushed out before he could talk himself out of it.
“Oh?”
“I think we should stop this whole friends with benefits thing.”
Steve’s face fell. “Did I—was there something I did wrong?”
Fuck. “No honey, not at all. Unless you count making me like you too much. Then yes, it’s entirely your fault.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I want more, Steve. That’s my proposal. I want dates. Making… love,” ugh he was so sappy “not just fucking. I want you to stay in my bed all goddamn night. I can’t do this casual shit anymore.”
“I thought that was… what you wanted. You said so.” His brow furrowed as he remembered whatever dumbass thing Tony had said to start them on this journey. “You wanted to keep things light. You said you liked your space.”
Why did Tony always have to fuck himself? If Steve disappeared so quickly because he thought he was respecting Tony’s needs he was gonna punch himself in the face.
“That was before I knew you. Before I knew how much I like you. I don’t want any space. I want you in my space, nearby, all the time.” It was pathetically true. He got distracted wondering what Steve was up to far too often, sometimes he wished Steve would just hang out in his lab so that he could just look up and know that he was close.
Steve looked pretty damn shocked, but anything else he might be feeling was lost on Tony. “I had no idea.”
Tony took a deep breath—not particularly confident because Steve hadn’t expressed anything about his feelings–but determined to keep going. “Do you, Steven Grant Rogers, want to be with me? For better or worse?” Let’s be honest here, with him involved there was going to be plenty of both.
“You’re not… actually proposing, are you?”
“What?” Tony startled. Okay maybe that had been a bit marriage-y, but that was jumping the gun way too much. He just wanted to call the man his boyfriend! “Of course not. Way too soon. Maybe someday, if you’re into it…” he trailed off, eyeing Steve who had a pleased smile, and looked pretty happy, so that had to mean good things, right? “But for now I just want to call you mine.”
Steve threw himself at Tony. Literally. Tony stumbled backwards from the weight of Steve’s muscular body, but he clung onto Steve to keep his balance, and they fell into the most passionate kiss they’d ever had.
“I’m sorry for not saying anything,” Steve panted when they pulled away. He started placing frantic kisses all over Tony’s face and neck, every bit of skin he could reach. Talking between kisses.
“I’m just a bit blown away. I wasn’t expecting. And after last night. I’m just so glad you’re not ending things. I want you all the time, Tony. Anything, anyway I can have you. That’s why I come knocking on your door or suggesting we sneak away for some fun. I just want you.”
Tony grabbed Steve’s face and looked him in the eye. “I’ve been a real dumbass, huh? Worrying over all this for nothing?”
“I should’ve talked to you too, told you I wanted more. I hated leaving you at night when all I wanted to do was hold you.”
“Let’s do that right now, I want you in my bed.”
Steve nodded.
“You’re never leaving, okay?”
“I may need to eat occasionally.”
Tony rolled his eyes. “Will you move into my room?”
“Yeah. Yes. Please.”
Tony slicked his mouth over Steve’s. “You have no idea what I’d do for you baby, but you’re gonna find out. I’m gonna treat you so good.”
There it was. The embarrassed yet delighted blush, Steve’s eyes sparkling with happiness. That was everything he wanted.