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"ー"
The cool air of the Fuyuki Church's basement fills my lungs as I stand frozen, unable to look away from the sight before me. Not even the threat of the presence behind me is enough to tear my eyes from it. From them.
The hand on my shoulder grips me tight.
The smell of rot permeates the air, and it feels like it’ll stick to me forever if I stay here any longer.
Like the clinging stench is those orphans’
My siblings’
Last attempt to escape from the man-made hell in this church basement.
“What’s the matter, Emiya Shirou?”
The priest inquires behind me.
His voice is even, and even through the nauseating beats of my heart I can hear a hint of amusement in it.
He sickens me.
This man, Kotomine Kirei, sickens me to my core.
Then.
A single chuckle.
“You really are lucky. I was planning to close this place up after today, so you barely made it.
ーTen years now. I kept them alive to feed the Servant, but it's coming to an end. I cannot hope to extract the same amount of soul as when I started, and there's no more need for food in any case.”
A pause.
The priest falls quiet, as if pondering.
My heart is beating so hard, it feels like it could break through my ribs.
Ten years.
Ten years in this hell, ten years of their souls being slowly eroded, of their bodies falling apart like mud dolls.
I feel like throwing up.
“ーAh, but who would I be if I denied you the joy of being among your brothers and sisters?”
A sigh.
Then, before I can even understand what the priest saidー
“ーGuh!”
A powerful hit strikes my neck, and I fall to the ground.
Sharp pain radiates from the spot where I was hit, but I don’t see Kotomine holding any weapon. He struck me with his bare hands, with enough force that my body’s paralyzed.
Lying between the coffins, the smell is even stronger. It assaults my nose, making me dizzy.
With my eyes used to the darkness, I can see the bodies around me. They’re so thin, I could count their ribs. Anyone would think they’re corpses. But even now their silent screams reach my ears, inaudible and deafening.
“You should have been with us.”
“You should have been with us.”
“You should have been with us.”
A single clouded eye, long blind and its eyelid rotten, stares at me and screams those words.
I want to run.
I want to hide.
I want to save them.
I want to apologize to them.
I do none of those things.
“Yes. Surely, this is the reunion they have longed for.”
There’s a smile in the priest’s voice as he kneels down next to me in a rustle of clothes.
“Rejoice, Emiya Shirou. You shall be together with your family once more.”
Saying this, he effortlessly lifts my limp body from the ground. He only takes a few steps before I’m set down again, this time propped up against something.
It feels like wood.
Something touches my shoulder, and the ground beneath me feels sticky and wet.
The stench is nauseating.
I don’t dare to turn my head and see what’s next to me. I don’t dare to, but I already know it.
It twitches, almost unnoticeably, and I hold back a scream.
“Why, do you not think it’s impolite to not greet each other after all those years?”
He’s still smiling. I can hear it, as clear as I can hear my own breathing.
“Though I’m afraid I will be of no help. I no longer remember the names of these lost lambs, you see.”
“ー! You…”
I manage to croak, glaring at Kotomine. I put all the energy of my paralyzed limbs into my glare, as if hoping my eyes alone could bring him retribution.
He merely chuckles, crossing his arms behind his back.
“Yes, there’s the ire I was hoping to see. That determination to fight, even when you’re doomed. That desire to overcome fate itself, in order to save others…”
The priest’s eyes meet mine, and the smile disappears from his face.
“... It is truly detestable, Emiya Shirou.”
He raises a hand, and snaps his fingers a single time.
I can hear distant footsteps.
They echo across the stone walls of the basement, getting closer and closer. As they approach, I already know.
This isn’t a rescue.
The footsteps stop.
A click of the tongue.
An all too-familiar figure.
“ーWhat’s the meaning of this, Kotomine?”
A displeased look on his face, the King of Heroes stares down at me.
“ー”
My mind can’t process what’s happening.
Why is Gilgamesh here?
Why is Kotomine showing no reaction?
No, in the first place, why did Gilgamesh appear at Kotomine’s command?
The priest’s words from earlier echo in my mind.
“Ten years now. I kept them alive to feed the Servant.”
Ten years ago.
The previous Holy Grail War.
Gilgamesh, the Archer from the previous war, who shouldn’t be alive.
Kotomine, who was a Master ten years ago.
The conversation yesterday at the church, after I told him of the eighth Servant.
“Someone was probably hiding him. The Servant's Master, or…”
ーAh, I see.
I’ve been stupid.
I knew I never should have trusted that fake priest.
“Why do you offer me that mongrel? He’s not the one I want.”
Gilgamesh sounds irritated. But Kotomine remains unfazed, simply smiling.
“Do not be so offended. The final battle approaches, and Saber will soon be yours. I thought of providing you one last meal before you defeat her.”
A shudder runs down my spine.
The Servant looks at me with disinterest.
“Do you think me so weak that I’d need more magical energy to defeat her? Choose your next words carefully, Kotomine.”
“Certainly not. But what could be a better way to celebrate Saber’s defeat than to feast on her Master?”
They talk about me like I’m not here, not even looking at me.
That’s right, Servants can gather energy from consuming human souls.
Did I think I was some kind of exception?
“I would much rather kill him. His existence is beyond unsightly.”
Gilgamesh glares at me briefly. He must still be angry about our last fight.
Kotomine sighs.
“That is not an option. You know as well as I do that if he were to die, Saber would vanish.”
The smile returns.
“ーBut, Gilgamesh. Do you not find it a pleasant scenario to defeat Saber using magical energy you took from her Master, before killing him in front of her eyes after making her yours?”
Somehow.
The sickening suggestion makes the King of Heroes pause.
A hum.
Red, slitted eyes look down at me, and I suddenly feel like a mouse trapped in the coils of a venomous snake.
“... You have the most entertaining ideas, priest. Very well.”
Gilgamesh smiles, and turns to me.
“I shall accept your offering.”
My heart stops.
I will die here.
No.
I won’t die.
Rather, my soul will be consumed, leaving me only on the verge of death...
In other words, I’ll be the same as them. A living corpse, reduced to mere functions that allow me to stay alive.
Alive, but not living.
A shuffling sound.
Gilgamesh kneels in front of me, raising my chin as if to get a better look.
From up close, he really is beautiful.
I thought so before. Saber, Rider, even the brief glance I caught of Caster. Servants are beautiful, almost unnaturally so. Gilgamesh is no exception. His eyes shine like red jewels, there’s not a flaw in his skin, his hair appears golden even under the dim light that pours into the church basement.
But.
There’s something poisonous about his beauty.
He’s beautiful in the same way a carnivorous flower is beautiful in order to entrance the insects it feeds on.
It’s a beauty that draws me in, yet also makes my every instinct scream for me to get away.
A sigh.
“This will be a meal ill befitting a king… But it is better than the stale scraps of these corpses’ decayed souls.”
Then.
The Servant leans in, and.
“ー!!”
ーI feel his lips on mine.
My mind stops.
Neither of us close our eyes. There’s nothing romantic about the gesture.
I reflexively jerk back, but Gilgamesh holds me firmly in place.
It’s nothing like kissing Saber.
Like hers, the King of Heroes’ lips are soft and pliant. But they lack the hesitation and care that make her so sweet.
His kiss isn’t cold, but it’s unfeeling. A means to an end, empty of emotion.
And.
The longer it goes on, I can feel my life force leaving me.
There are no ways to describe the feeling of my soul being consumed.
It’s like gradually losing sensation, a numbness spreading agonizingly slowly from my fingertips to the rest of my body.
It’s like the warmth of my body being stolen, a scorching cold devouring my limbs.
The worst part is.
There is no pain.
It’s a sickening feeling. Something no living being should ever experience.
But it doesn’t hurt.
I only realize that Gilgamesh has released me when my head drops. I stopped being able to feel his fingers across my chin, or his lips against mine.
I don’t think I can see anymore.
I can taste blood.
Maybe Gilgamesh bit me. Maybe my organs have already begun to break down. I can’t feel anything, so I can’t tell.
I think they’re talking. But I can only make out that there are sounds in the basement. Nothing further.
I don’t even have the strength to lift my head. I can’t feel or move my limbs.
My sense of self remains, for now. Like the dying light of a melted candle, it clings to life.
But each flicker is weaker than the one before.
By the time someone finds this place, my corpse will be indistinguishable from those of the orphans.
Ah…
In the end, I suppose I met the ending that was written for me back then.
ー DEAD END