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Lumine,
As of now you venture to the land of Sumeru for more answers to your quest and I don’t expect to encounter you until long after you land there. In the meantime, I suppose this letter will have to do on behalf of me and the feelings I intend to convey to you. I apologize in advance for the inconvenience this may bring as I'm aware this is both untimely, improper, and perhaps very unwelcome, but I don’t think I can continue on my own mission efficiently should I keep these thoughts in my head. I hope at the very least to feel at peace with this part of myself with the completion of this letter, and to truly get you to understand me to the most vulnerable and human parts. With that, I will begin.
When I met you back in Liyue, I saw a mere obstacle in the way of my quest, and I'm sure you felt the same the moment you stepped into the Golden House. The adventure we had was one for the ages, one I’m certain I enjoyed more than you, and I was sure we were likely to cross paths again as nothing more than enemies with our own agendas and goals, I was content with that. Whatever happened from there I can’t explain. It was a true test of fate that we ended running into each other after that, a miracle that we began our weekly spars and the amount of time we spent together in between. There were no words for it at the time, this unspoken companionship and trust.
It was the excitement in seeing you once more after you had finally departed to continue your journey in the bank with Teucer, the fondness at seeing how well you cared for him in the meantime I was gone and the trust I bestowed in you afterwards as I lay weak and vulnerable. It was the rush in my chest at hearing your voice in the chamber, the way I couldn’t stop myself from following the sound, something in it overcoming me with warmth and safety I didn’t know I craved. It was seeing you at the end of that feeling and realizing your presence could bring upon the most human reactions of me, ones that I thought I had long lost years ago. It was the way the oh so good and mighty Traveler protected my identity from one whom I was due anger and mistrust from. Your show of some sort of care another reassurance I was truly safe with you. It was the ache in my chest in leaving you behind once more in the chamber as I pursued my own mission, not knowing when or if I were to encounter you again, and the near unbearable pain in my heart that came with the thought of not seeing you again.
It’s only now, as I prepare to depart for my hometown to attend the funeral of a fallen comrade, that I truly get now what this feeling is. This special fondness and admiration I have for you.
Lumine, my comrade, my dearest friend, my companion in battle and confidant, the person to whom I owe the most apologies and utmost gratitude, the person I respect and trust more than anyone besides my family. I apologize greatly again for the burden I am selfishly dropping on you.
I love you.
I have loved you this whole time.
And I think I will continue loving you for a long time more.
I love your kindness and determination. I love the way you keep your head up through all the pain and hardship you endure. I love your growing ability to stand up for yourself and not give your effort and hard work to everyone and anyone. I love seeing you grow in combat, and I love seeing you inspire those around you more and more as you cross the world. I love the reflection of the gold in your eyes when the sun hits them and the way the long strands of your hair bounce when you sprint. I love the way you bring out the best in me and those around you. I love everything about you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
I’m aware of how much of a lovesick geek I sound like now, I hope if you’ve gotten this far you haven’t been put off by any of what i’ve said. I just need to get this off my chest before anymore happens. I hope you can forgive me for dropping this all on you, and for the selfish part of me that hopes desperately that my feelings are reciprocated. I understand if not, and I will not hold any hard feelings over it if not. At the very least, I hope to one day carry on as we are, our companionship has been easily the best thing that’s happened to me in a long long time and I have you to thank entirely for that.
It is as I said before, you’re like the stars in the night sky, my Lumine. Not only because you never cease to surprise me, but because you are ethereal and otherworldly and so beautiful. I could stare at you for hours, basking in your presence and being utterly at peace. In my wildest dreams, you are the one I wake up to and fall asleep with, the one I want by my side through every battle and adventure, the one I dream of settling down with sometime long from now.
However, I know as well as I know my own duties and commitments that nothing can bind you to this world or tear you away from your goal of reuniting with your brother, which I respect. I will dream for now of a life we can live together, one where we are both happy and at peace, one I know will never be complete for me without you.
Goodbye for now, my Lumine, I hope this letter finds you well and I hope you can at the very least allow me to occupy your mind occasionally in the time between now and our next encounter should we ever meet again. Wherever you go, I hope you find happiness and peace.
Please do write back, even to reject me, hearing from you in any sense is always a pleasure.
Yours,
Ajax