Work Text:
Deja vu was always a strange sensation when experienced. But for Grian, it was worse than the average everyday case of feeling like you’ve done or seen something before. Because when he looked at the faces of the other people inhabiting the same world as him, he felt as if he knew them from somewhere, but could never quite place from where…
He couldn’t quite remember the beginning, just how he knew to immediately get to work. Collecting items, gearing up for protection from the monsters that would emerge at night(how he knew of that, he had no idea), and gathering materials to build a fortified base, and possibly a home.
He also knew that something was tethering him to someone else in the small world. He didn’t know quite who, just that he was bound to someone. He knew it from the pinpricks that would spike across his arms or legs, despite not scratching against anything, or the way his ankle would suddenly spasm, or how he would randomly feel out of breath, drowning above land.
Things moved pretty quickly on the first day, and Grian didn’t think much of it, didn’t question anything. He had no reason to, after all.
But when he started greeting the other inhabitants of their shared world, there was always something… off, about them.
When he came across the blonde who introduced himself as Jimmy, Grian felt an urge deep within himself to call the man Tim, and found it was easier to pick on him even after just meeting him, like two close friends would do for fun.
Or when he met Bigb, how his heart started racing and he felt giddy, excited to figure out if they were the two soulbound to each other, even though it was the two’s first ever interaction together.
Or — and quite possibly, one of the most frightening of all — when he met Bdubs, who looked a little worse for wear for some odd reason, he could swear that for a moment a red tint flashed in the man’s eyes.
He tried to think nothing of it, brush it off and try to forget about it. He would, eventually. He would grow to learn these people, their faces, their mannerisms and senses of humor and likes and dislikes. His initial interaction and deja vu upon meeting them would be eventually forgotten.
But that all changed when he discovered who he was soulbound to.
There was nothing off about Scar at the beginning. He seemed friendly, although a tad bit sneaky and airheaded. There was nothing off putting about him, nothing that should have immediately turned Grian away, no glaring red flags. It was… a relief. A relief not to recognize, not to have a bout of deja vu infiltrate his mind upon seeing someone he shouldn’t recognize.
But when he realized that they were soulbound, that they would share damage and pain, that they were forever tied to one another, he was immediately overcome with so many thoughts, the main one being not again.
He was practically frozen in place, eyes shot and breathing unsteady, thoughts reeling, feet barely able to hold him up. It didn’t make sense, he had never met Scar before, how could he be thinking these thoughts?
But something inside him told him this was not the first time, that they had met before, been connected in a past life, maybe not soulmates, but inseparable nonetheless. And worst of all —
They were going to kill each other again.
So he shouted and groaned. After all, it was so overwhelming, like sensory overload. His mind was flooding with empty memories, voices telling him it had happened before, history was going to repeat itself, they couldn’t escape their fate.
Scar… was unbothered. Everything was the same to him, he was practically oblivious to them being soulmates, it was obvious he was not plagued by the same inexplicable sense of deja vu as was Grian.
It got better after a while, but the voices were still there, the unexplained sense of familiarity.
Scar loved his pandas so much. Sometimes, if Grian turned too quickly, he’d see Scar tending to a fluffy white llama dressed up in a tricolor harness. But when he blinked, it would be a large, lovable panda again.
He collected sugar cane off the bat, memorized where he had seen cows and chickens to later collect for resources. He didn’t know how some part of him knew they would be finite resources later on.
The base design he was going for was a strange one, but he liked it, especially the combination of the different colors and texture of the wood planks he and his soulmate had collected. But every now and again, the mangrove planks in his hands would transform into sandstone, and he swore he could feel sand under his feet, the air becoming humid around him. But it would be gone within a couple seconds, leaving Grian reeling.
He dug up large amounts of sand, secretly grew sugar cane deep beneath the ground, all with the thought of monopolies on his mind. He knew Scar liked monopolies, wanted to build an empire on top of them, mountains and mountains of monopolies underneath him like pawns to a king.
There were a couple times Scar had snuck up on Grian. Sure, it was obviously unintentional by the way he had spooked the other man, but sometimes Scar’s skin would lose all its color, his eyes would turn red, a drawstring hat upon his head. Every time Grian couldn’t help but let out a shocked yelp, but always blamed it on Scar being sneaky.
As things escalated, all he could hear in his head was the word again.
They were hunted down by the others. Again.
Scar fell, leading to his death. Again.
He was blown up from behind. Again.
Again. Again. Again.
Why was Grian remembering things he knew he had not experienced? Why was everything so familiar, yet so far away? Why did he know everyone here, yet not at all?
♡♡♡
It wasn’t unusual for Grian to not be able to sleep at night, especially now that he and Scar were on their red lives.
They’d retired to their small hovel near the edge of their world for the night, near the patches of desert and cactus — that Grian couldn’t bear to look at without bringing on a bout of deja vu — but Grian knew he wouldn’t be sleeping. Maybe it was from the adrenaline of losing two lives in such a short span of time, or the loss of two groups of friends, but he knew it was going to be hard to sleep.
“You comin’ to bed, G?” Scar asked simply, already climbing into his bed for the night.
“Hm ,” was all Grian responded with, mind elsewhere. He was stood next to the small hole in the dirt wall that sufficed for a window, watching the sky darken and the area around their base get shrouded in darkness. He wasn’t looking at the patch of desert. He wasn’t thinking about how Ren lost his life again at their hands. He wasn’t thinking about how Jimmy lost first again.
Scar gave a small sigh. It seemed to him as if Grian was always stuck in thought, as if he was always somewhere else, even though he was right beside him. Scar wanted to pick his brain, so he picked up the small baby panda dozing on the bed next to him, and held her up to Grian with a smile.
“Jellie for your thoughts?” He asked, smiling so fondly and easily Grian couldn’t help but melt slightly. He didn’t know why his soulmate was so insistent on calling the pandas Jellie. But that was a lie. He did know why.
He guessed it was only fair he told Scar about what was going on. They were soulmates, after all.
Grian sighed, turning to face Scar, leaning against the wall slightly. “Scar, do you ever… get a sense of deja vu? Like, really badly?”
Scar tilted his head slightly, setting the panda down in his lap and beginning to stroke its head. “Deja vu?” He asked inquisitively.
“Like — the feeling that there’s something you’ve experienced before, or someone you’ve met before, but you’ve never actually experienced that thing or met that person before. And there’s no reasonable explanation for it, but you feel it anyway? Have you ever felt that?”
Scar chewed his cheek for a moment. “Can’t say that I have, G.”
Grian sighed disappointedly, sinking in on himself only slightly. “Right.” Was he alone in this? He was the only feeling this way?
“Have you?” Scar asked, interested now.
Grian bristled, and for a moment, swore he could feel feathers on his neck and forearms. “Yeah, sometimes.”
“Like when?”
“Like — like when I’m digging up sand, or come across dark oak trees, or I see someone and they say something very particular. Like when Martyn uses his spyglass, right? And he goes a-ha! It feels so familiar, but I just — can’t place it.” He reached up to his face, like he was going to adjust a pair of glasses sitting on his face, but there was nothing there. “You’ve never felt that?”
Scar shook his head. Slowly, he asked, “has it been really bad?” After a moment, Grian nodded. Scar sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “G, we’re supposed to be a team here. We need to be able to talk about stuff like this, especially if it’s serious.”
Grian huffed. “I know, Scar.”
There was silence for a moment. Scar noticed how Grian couldn’t meet his gaze, how he seemed to look everywhere else but. It had been like that a lot recently. Scar didn’t know how he hadn’t picked up on it sooner.
“Come here,” Scar said softly, patting the empty space on his bed. Grian rolled his eyes, gave an indignant huff at Scar’s child-like antics, but gave in. He walked over and plopped down beside his soulmate, but continued to stare at the floor beneath him, his hands, even the dirt walls.
“Do you think if you talked me through it it would help?” Scar asked.
Grian wringed his hands. “Maybe?”
Scar smiled. “Well, go on then. I’m all ears.” He held up his sleeping panda baby once again. “Jellie is too!”
Grian gave a small chuckle before delving in.
“It’s like I’m experiencing memories that aren’t mine, like I’m simultaneously living this life and another one, if that makes any sense. I keep seeing things that don’t exist here, seeing our friends in other places, in different clothes and outfits, in different alliances and with a different number of lives. And in these memories — or, lives? — there’s people there, people we’ve never met, but I feel almost like they’re close friends, even though I don’t know their names or practically anything about them. And it all feels so familiar, like I’ve done this all before, seen it all before, I’m just having trouble remembering.” He sighed, only just realizing how tired he was. He turned to Scar, shaking his head. “I feel like I’m just rambling at this point.”
Scar shook his head with a smile. “No, not at all. If it helps, it helps.” He reached out to take Grian’s hand in his, but Grian only recoiled, flinching so hard he practically jumped into the air.
Images flashed through Grian’s mind, feelings ghosting across his body within the split of a second. Scar falling, falling to his death and Grian couldn’t help him. Blood on his hands, gunpowder in the air, a laugh in his throat. The hilt of a sword in his hands, clear water turning red. A ring of cacti. A body.
Two bodies.
And then Grian was back, and he tried to calm his breathing. Scar pulled his hand back, sympathy flashing across his face.
“In these memories you’re having, did I…” Scar swallowed hard, almost looking hurt. “Did I hurt you? Did I do something to you?”
Immediately Grian felt terrible. He hadn’t meant to flinch when Scar tried to touch him, it was just the deja vu getting hold of him. It may have been easy for Scar to place the blame on himself, especially after both of their recent deaths having been at his fault. But in reality, that wasn’t the truth. Grian never blamed him, not in this life, not in the ones he may have been remembering.
Grian sighed, reaching out slowly to cup Scar’s cheek reassuringly. “No, of course not, Scar. You didn’t hurt me, never could.” Scar giggled, and Grian rolled his eyes, pulling away. “Except for the times you do. With the cactus earlier? Not funny. We could have died!”
“You gotta admit, it was a little funny!” Scar said, wiping away faux tears. Grian didn’t reply, just shaking his head passively. The Jellie panda in his lap gave a yawn, so Scar turned his attention to it, stroking its head gently to lull it back to sleep.
Grian turned away, fixating on a point in the wall. All his deja vu episodes flashed in his mind, and he remembered just how many times he had seen Scar hurt or in the process of, or fresh blood on his own hands. His throat was suddenly very dry, his hands balling up into fists.
“Scar, I think that…” he said slowly, turning to Scar, whose attention was now fixed on him. Grian swallowed hard. “I think that I hurt you.”
It took Scar a moment to understand. He blinked slowly, facial expression barely changing. Then his eyebrows slowly uplifted, his lips forming a small line.
“Oh,” was all he said, with little to no expression.
“Oh?” Grian asked, scared for what would come next.
Scar shrugged. “Well, what does it matter? It was in the past, or didn’t even happen at all! There’s nothing to get worked up about, G.” He slipped his hand into Grian’s, entwining their fingers. “I know you would never hurt me, at least not on purpose.”
Grian gave an unimpressed look. “We’re soulmates, Scar, of course I’m not going to hurt you.”
“You know what I mean, Grian!” He leaned in close, pressing his cheek against Grian’s head lightly. “Point is, we’re soulmates, we’d never hurt each other on purpose or with harmful intentions. Nothing you could do could make me hate you, or turn away from you, G. You hear me?”
Grian huffed, leaning into Scar’s touch. “Loud and clear, Scar.”
Scar smiled proudly. “Great! Now can we please go to bed? I’m really tired. Being on red life is exhausting!”
Grian gave a laugh, getting up from his spot on Scar’s bed. “Alright, alright.”
Grian finished getting ready for bed, and settled under his covers peacefully for the first night in awhile. He rolled over so he was facing Scar, whose bed wasn’t too far from his, and reached out to bump Scar’s hand. Scar, of course, was already half asleep.
“Thanks, Scar,” he said quietly.
Scar smiled sleepily. “‘Course.”
And with that, Grian finally got a good night’s rest.
If there was one thing Grian could be grateful for, he was glad the universe had placed them together again.