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He tries not to let the weight of the last months stay on his shoulders too much this evening. He wants this moment to be restful, a chance for them to reconnect. But by the gods, Chris is tired. She was snatched from him so fast, just after that weird time-traveling incident, and then he had to spend the following months on Enterprise’s mission while trying to get her back in a judicial process that left him exhausted. He knows they have achieved something but all of that will have to wait, just as her chiding him for even spending time trying to get her back and not focusing on his captaincy will have to wait (they already had half an argument earlier before both just felt the air going out of them, and they know they will talk more some other time). They’ve had their formal greeting, a quick debrief and an official story to tell the crew as to why she was arrested. And why she’s back. Because she is back and when Chris tells the computer to open the door to reveal her, his heart nearly stops. She’s dressed in her uniform again, the short dress and black pants she seems to prefer and her hair is out; that long brown mane of hers.
“Una.” She walks in, as stoic and sure as she always is but she starts grinning as she sees him. He’s grinning back as he embraces her in a hug long overdue.
“Chris,” she greets and her strong arms hug him too and he suddenly can’t help the tears from forming and they threaten to spill over. He closes his eyes. “Chris,” she whispers, sensing his mood. “It’s ok, I’m here now.”
He takes a deep breath and steps back a bit, his hands on her arms.
“I know. I know.” He averts his eyes, feeling a bit silly for his emotional outburst. “It’s just… you know,”he tries to be brave but he just can’t. “Una, it was horrible, it was actually horrible not having you here. And I know - we live with that risk everyday but this, this was just so stupid. Those rules, they’re just-”
“Chris. They exist for a reason. They have a history to them.” Her hand comes up to cup his face. He tries to calm himself, gives her a sad smile. “Believe me, I hate them too but I can’t change them overnight-”
“I know-”
“And that’s ok. And I know it came as a shock to you but like I said then; I have been preparing for this for a long time.” She strokes his cheek with her thumb, he rest his head in her hand.
“It doesn’t make it right.”
“No. And it didn’t make it easier. But we got through it.” He nods at this, she’s right. “And now I get to stay. And not live with that fear anymore.”
“I just don’t- I mean-,” he takes a shaky breath. Chuckles at his own silliness, “Why aren’t you the one being an emotional mess right now?” She answers him with a small, sad smile.
“Come.” She leads him to the sofa. “Sit,” he does. “Uhm no,” she frowns. “Lay down,” she commands (which is a bit surprising but well, she is his Number One and he trusts her always so why not?) “Like this…” Una rearranges him a bit. The entire thing is a bit weird (yet maybe not for them because she has always in a way led him) until she is suddenly laying down next to him. She’s snuggling up to him and makes him wrap his arm around her and he realizes - she’s making a cozy space for herself, close to him yet she can hide her eyes as her face is close to his chest rather than his face.
“Is this ok?” He asks, still finding the entire thing a bit odd but… fascinating, to use Spock’s word. He can feel her chuckle in response to his amused tone.
“Yes. Thank you”. Oddly, it feels so natural, having her here. He can’t help but to let his hand stroke her hair, placing a small kiss on the top of her head. She sighs,
“Chris-”
“I’m sorry I-”
“No, I… I don’t mind. That’s not…”, she stills. “Chris. I was scared.” (He thinks he might actually have stopped breathing as she starts to talk, he doesn’t want to make her stop). “It was…” Her hand comes up to his chest, rests there as she continues talking but not looking at him. (He still tries to figure out how to breathe) “You know what Uhura said that Hemmer had told her? That he had fulfilled his purpose, to fix things. I tried to find comfort that I had fulfilled my purpose - to join Starfleet even though I was an Illyrian. I knew I wouldn’t die in that prison, but it felt as if my life was over.” Chris lets out a shaky breath at this and she looks up (damn, now she’ll worry about him again). He gives her a reassuring smile (he hopes it’s reassuring).
“Go on.” He has to whisper, she’s so close and her eyes are so blue, he thinks as they both rest in each other's gaze.
“But it didn’t give me peace of mind, Chris. It gave me a kind of comfort, it did. But I knew I didn’t want to leave all of this behind.” She casts her eyes down, her fingers making little patterns on his shirt. “I didn't want to leave this crew. In my mind I imagined all of you here, every crew member; I repeated your names, thought of funny moments we’ve shared and the not so funny ones, the inside jokes and just… kept you all alive in my mind.” She snuggles into him again, but closer this time and he can feel her heart hammering (or maybe it’s his own). The kiss on her hair this time is more intentional and he lets himself stay there and she doesn’t say anything. They rest in the comfort of each other, just laying there on his sofa. It feels so natural, like it has always been this way, he muses. As if they have after every mission had moments like this to reconnect and recharge. But they haven’t and suddenly that feels strange - why haven’t they?
“I can hear you think.”
“No, you can’t.”
“I can’t hear your exact thoughts, but yes - you’re thinking,” she looks up, and he strokes her cheek. She looks puzzled, but amused. “What are you thinking about?”
“Why haven’t we done this before?” She frowns, and he can hear her breathing intensifying. “Why does it feel like we were always supposed to be like this?” And now he sees the tears in her eyes and, “Una, I’m sorry, I-” Chris starts to move to sit up, what has he done- but she firmly tugs him back again and her hand is on his face and even though he hates the tears he can see in them her eyes are so beautiful-
“Chris.” He looks at her, tries to calm himself. “I didn’t finish before.” Her hand is still on his face and he rests his on her waist. “Because what I wanted to say was that… maybe I realized that even though I was happy for all the time I had had among the stars, what I would regret was…” she sniffles, looks away but takes a shaky breath and continues (because she was always so brave, his Una) “was not doing this. With you.” She’s crying now, he notices. A slow cry, tears just flowing while she tries a smile and he tries one back and he’s about to cry too. “Because while you might just have come to the realization that this is nice,” she whispers, “I have wanted it for a very long time.”
I know, he wants to answer. Because you’re smarter and braver than me and knew many years ago but I didn’t, couldn’t, wasn’t ready yet.
“I’m a bit slow sometimes,” he says instead as he lets himself come closer to her, his eyes leaving hers as they sweep over her mouth.
“Yes, you are. But you can make up for it,” she gives him a small, playful smile between the tears and he looks back into her eyes as he slowly ends the distance between them. As his mouth finally meets hers he triumphantly (to himself) notices her eyes closing but when she actually gives out a small moan he has to close his own as the kiss overwhelms him. She opens her mouth, invites him in and their tongues meet. Her hand is on the back of his head and he is surrounded by her scent; that warm, earthy scent of her. (He sometimes thinks that if he is an open field, then she is a green forest; rich, warm, a force of nature). Chris shifts so he’s leaning more on her and he can feel her strong arms pulling him closer and it’s like he’s back at being 15 and can’t imagine he’s so lucky to finally kiss a girl, but it also feels as if she has always been the one he should be kissing and oh dear lord she’s biting his lip-
“Una,” he breathes heavily, breaking the kiss, resting his forehead against hers.
“Mmm,” she leans in to place a kiss on his lips before catching her own breath, her eyes still closed.
“This uhm…”
“Is nice,” she finishes for him. He chuckles.
“That’s an understatement.” Her hands on the sides of his body are really, really distracting him. “But.” And he can give as good as he gets he thinks and let’s his hand stroke her belly through her uniform fabric and oh, there are her eyes again giving him a glare (but it’s a glare filled with lust and he decides right there and then that it’s his favorite glare), “I think maybe we should move this to the bedroom. I am a man of a certain age and I will have trouble keeping this up on a sofa for much longer.”
“Alright.”
They get up and walk slowly, holding hands and just smiling. As they enter the bedroom she turns around to him, throws her arms around his neck and kisses him. It’s a slow, caring kiss and it makes his heart nearly cramp because he knows, oh he suddenly knows, that this is what coming home feels like. It feels familiar and warm, safe and still exciting.
And Chris is so happy that they made it here. That her being taken away all those months ago wasn’t the last time he saw her. That this time he didn’t lose her forever. He kisses her, slow and caring, pouring whatever he can’t say with words into the kiss.
Because the problem is, they both know that even if they make it through all of the dangers of just living on Enterprise, there will come a day when all of this will be over. Their happiness does have an end and it has scared him. Because why else didn’t he turn to her when they came back from Discovery? Why didn’t he reach for this when he was battling accepting his fate? Because this is what he would lose, one day and inevitably, by accepting it all. Yet he nearly did anyway, and maybe the universe had to scare him just that much to make him finally cross this line.
“Am I such a poor kisser that you have to start thinking about other things?” She breaks the kiss and raises an eyebrow at him.
“Not at all,” he kisses her nose, her forehead. Caresses her sides. Holds her close.
“Hmm. Anything interesting in that head of yours?”
“No. Well. Not anything that can’t wait for another day.” She accepts his excuse. Leans into his embrace.
“Is it ok if we just-”, she begins.
“Sleep tonight?” He finishes.
“Mmmh-mm?”
“Absolutely.” He gives her a small kiss. “I guess we’re both pretty exhausted.”
“Yes.” He can see how tired she is, now when they have both relaxed. He probably looks pretty much as worn out as she does and their puffy eyes from shed and unshed tears aren’t helping either. Chris nods and they make their way over to the bed.
“Do you want me to replicate a blanket for you? Some pyjamas?” She sits down, and begins to take her shoes off.
“Uhm, a thin blanket then. And uh, no pajamas. I usually get pretty warm…” he notices her blushing a bit.
“Alright, yeah, that’s good to know.” He tries to sound completely normal as he suddenly realizes that he’s about to sleep next to Una and not in the “out in the field”-kind of way but as in the “relationship”-kind of way and it’s so weird because he knows Una, this is his Una and has always been but this is a new level and-
“Now you’re thinking again.” She has taken off her pants and her uniform dress and is standing next to his bed in her undershirt and underwear. He’s holding a newly replicated thin blanket he has no memory of replicating and just stares at her.
“And now I don’t.”
“No?” She gives him an amused look.
“You’re here.”
“Yes.”
“Next to my bed.”
“Mm. Yes. Yep.”
“So my brain stopped working.” At this she throws her head back and laughs and it’s the most wonderful sound he has heard in a very long time.
They eventually fall asleep under the stars (her stars) and never has he felt more at home than like this.