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Dream’s earliest memory was him lying in the crib at about one and a half years old. It was unusual because Dream knows that no one really remembers that early, there was something called infantile amnesia after all. But Dream has a hazy memory of kicking and tossing around and playing with the red string that was tied to his pinky. It was on snug and Dream’s finger used to turn this delicious blueberry purple when he pulled on it too hard. Only a few months had passed before Dream realized that his mother had one too. A red string that was tied to her pinky. And when their family sat at dinner together, the other end of his mother’s red pinky string was tied to his father’s pinky.
Dream was four when he realized that no one else could see the strings that he did.
“Mom! Don’t step on my string!”
His mom looked at him all confused. Dream, seeing the look, caught his own tongue, afraid that he wasn’t supposed to mention it, that it was taboo. And later at night, he snuck into his baby brother’s room to see him smiling up at him from the crib. Dream tried handing the little baby his own red string to play with and to his absolute amazement, the red string went right through his hand. His brother couldn’t even touch it. After that, Dream didn’t think it wise to discuss the strings with anyone.
Dream was six years old when his family took him to Disney World for the first time. His mother would have taken him earlier but his father said that Dream wouldn’t have really enjoyed it before because he wouldn’t have been able to go on most of the rides. By this point, Dream knew everyone had strings on their pinkies that connected to other pinkies.
Dream was six when he sliced off someone’s string, leaving them unconnected. It didn’t mean much at the time and Dream didn’t understand it, but he felt awful. It was a boy on the ferris wheel who sat in the same cart as him. He didn’t know him. It was just another boy his age with his own father, just like Dream and his own father. Dream entered the cart after them, the boy’s string getting tangled in Dream’s legs. After sitting down, Dream subtly tried to untangle them without looking nuts and pulled a bit too hard, snapping the already seeming fragile string. Dream, in shock, made a desperate grab of it but the cart was moving up and the string was pulled off the edge. Dream looked after it until it was completely pulled and long gone. He even tried searching for it after getting off the ride. Dream couldn’t sleep that night, or the next couple of weeks.
Dream was 12 when he met Sapnap at school. Sapnap was younger than him by a few months. The first day after they met, Sapnap didn’t take no for an answer. He grabbed his hand and dragged him to his home. Dream met Sapnap’s mom, his parents were divorced. He met his stepdad. Sapnap’s mom and stepdad had their strings attached. And when Dream sat at their dining table listening to Sapnap’s stepdad talk about a customer at his bar from yesterday, he touched the string that stretched over the table. He touched it so gently, as he was afraid it was going to break. If he was going to ruin another string, he didn’t want it to be Sapnap’s mom’s, who deserved a second chance at love. She was just so lovely.
The next couple of years were filled with vacations by the lake, copying math homework, and video games, specifically Minecraft. They watched the stars in Dream’s backyard in sleeping bags.
They were both 14 when Sapnap told Dream he liked boys. It opened new doors for Dream because yeah, he knew gay people existed but he never really thought about their strings. Were they attached to someone of the same gender? He was curious. Who was attached at the other end of Sapnap’s string? It was also the first time Dream thought about his own string partner. He never really put too much thought into it, choosing to focus on those he loved now instead. His older sister’s string was attached to Roger from down the street. They’ll figure it out eventually. Fate’s strings pulled and pushed on their own, without Dream’s interference. He had a dangerous power. He sometimes thinks of that boy he left stringless back on that ferris wheel. He wondered if he ruined his life.
Dream laid with Sapnap on the roof of his home when his dad passed away. Sapnap’s eyes were red and swollen, his arms a pillow for his head. And while Sapnap stared at the stars, Dream stared at Sapnap, his arm propping his head up.
“He tried loving me, in his own fucked up way,” Sapnap blubbered.
“Your dad was a homophobe,” Dream said defiantly, his hands itching to place his cool hands on Sapnap’s warm face. The night wind was not doing enough to help him. But it would be weird, right?
“I don’t think I deserved his love,” Sapnap continued. Of course, Dream knew that Sapnap didn’t really mean what he was saying. Of course he knew that. It was the grief talking. But he couldn’t help but feel an anger. Sapnap will never understand how the world saw him. He will never understand that it was the world who owed him, not the other way around.
“He didn’t deserve yours,” Dream would forever counteract every false statement Sapnap made. He would say them until Sapnap believed them. Dream reached out to pick up Sapnap’s string. It was prettier then all the ones he’s seen, not because it looked any different, but because it was his best friend’s.
When the school year started the next day, Sapnap didn’t show up, his mother excusing his absence. Sapnap sat at home and as much as Dream wanted to sit with him, he knew that missing the first day of school was a whole trip he refused to be on. He would scope everything out for Sap.
And when lunch came and Dream needed to sit to eat lunch, he found he had no friends but one, someone that wasn’t even here. Dream’s fingers tap tap tapped the side of his lunch tray and his eyes blink blink blinked to will the nervous fears away. Dream wasn’t a child. He could handle being by himself.
Dream avoided large rooms in general. He didn’t know how to avoid the strings that held taut and criss-crossed in front of him. And every string was different. They weren’t all fragile like that boy’s on that ferris wheel, Dream had found out over the years, mostly from touching Sapnap’s which was a very strong string. They came in all different lengths and strengths. But Dream wasn’t ready to bump into a thousand strings to get to an empty table. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out. He just wished that all the strings would just… fall to the floor loose.
When he opened his eyes, Dream couldn’t see any of the strings. A terror ripped through him for just a second- he couldn’t lose a piece of himself!- before he looked down and saw all the strings lying on the floor. This was fucking insane. Dream willed the strings on the floor and it happened.
He guessed it sort of was a given. He was able to touch the strings and move them so he should be able to manipulate them. It was just crazy that he could do it with his mind. For the first time in Dream’s life, for the first time since being born with this ability, Dream saw this skill, of being able to see and move soulmate strings, as a superpower. Dream could basically do something that no one else seemed to. The rush lingered within him as he stood in place. He didn’t seem to have attracted any attention from just standing in the middle of the way blocking everyone for a good few minutes, everyone just minding their own business. When Dream stepped on the strings to finally reach his table, a boy caught his eye. A boy that seemed to look straight at him and into his very soul.
Dream froze for a second before he realized that the boy was probably weirded out. The boy couldn’t see the strings. He just saw Dream heaving and then looking shocked, just blocking everyone’s way. He probably thought Dream was very weird. Dream took another deep breath and smiled at the boy. He picked up his tray and decided to head to the other boy sitting very alone. It was about time he made a new friend.
His name was Karl. After Dream reached his table, Karl seemed to shake off whatever look he had in his eyes and smiled at Dream. He gestured to the other bench and Dream sat down, and next thing he knew, they were comparing class schedules and couldn’t stop talking long enough to breathe. Karl reminded Dream a bit of Sapnap. He couldn’t wait to introduce Sapnap and Karl.
When the next day finally arrived Dream walked into the cafeteria with Sapnap and glanced around for Karl. The strings were already on the floor and Dream didn’t find it hard to walk through hallways anymore. Dream didn’t really have too much of an issue in his small middle school but the high school was huge. As they both were introduced and jumped into conversation right away like Dream knew they would, Dream had a slight nagging feeling within him and he had to check. He just had to. He looked down to see if Karl’s and Sapnap’s strings connected and found a relief spread through him. They didn’t.
Dream knew Sapnap had a soulmate out there by just looking at his string. Sapnap wasn’t stringless and neither was Dream. He just didn’t want to not be the center of his best friend’s attention. Not yet anyway. He knew the day would come but he wanted more time.
The entire lunch period, Dream sat fidgeting with Sapnap’s pretty string while Karl and Sapnap bickered. Dream looped the string up and down, up and down between his fingers. He swore he could recognize Sapnap’s string blindfolded. It didn’t feel different than any other string but there was just something so familiar about string that he’s been handling for years.
Dream looked up at Sapnap talking, only to notice Karl staring at his fingers. Dream immediately froze. He knew that Karl couldn’t really see the strings, but what if he could? What if there were other people in the world like Dream? What if he wasn’t alone? It was never something that Dream ever considered, content to be alone in his awareness and ability. He knew that someday, he would tell Sapnap. He wanted to. Maybe when they were older and more settled. But what if there was someone who he could talk to now?
Dream wiggled his fingers trapped in Sapnap’s string but Karl had already turned his attention back to Sapnap. Dream shook off the thought and let go of Sapnap’s string.
When Dream was 16 experiencing another first day of school again, he walked into the cafeteria with Karl only to find Sapnap sitting with a boy already at a table. The boy seemed to have a beanie on and was very loud. And Dream got that feeling again, that maybe Sapnap’s soulmate came stumbling into Sapnap’s life.
This past summer, Dream found out that he could stretch other people’s strings. He accidentally found out when he was home and his sister’s string got wrapped around his leg. The strings never seem to wrap around any other object or person, just Dream. It was annoying. His sister already left to practice and by the time Dream was done with his breakfast and realized, his sister was long gone. He frantically unravelled the string from his leg and the string seemed to shrink out of the house, as if it was waiting for Dream to release it. Dream was afraid he did something to her string but she was fine when she got home, the string still intact and well.
So yesterday, when Sapnap left his home the last day of summer, Dream made sure to grab onto his string. He didn’t know why, just that he wanted to hold onto it for a bit longer. He tied it loosely to his wrist until night time and then he… slept with Sapnap’s string. He was confused and he didn’t want to make it a thing but it felt like it was becoming a thing. He didn’t know who was the other end of Sapnap’s string and he felt like he was violating them in a way they didn’t know.
When Karl met him in the parking lot outside this morning, he mentioned that Dream looked guilty. Dream had let go of Sapnap’s string this morning, a pit in his stomach. Dream laughed nervously and found Karl giving him that strangely soulful stare that was just so Karl. Dream had maybe realized over the last year of knowing Karl that maybe Karl was just like that. He just saw through you and however unnerving it was, Dream learned to find it endearing.
And now Karl was giving him that same exact stare when Dream sighed in relief after he realized that new boy wasn’t Sapnap’s soulmate, that Sapnap’s string went through the wall at the other end to someone, somewhere else. Dream found it harder to acknowledge the bitterness that bloomed within him.
Karl’s stare turned into a pitiful look and Dream avoided him for the rest of the day, hoping that Karl wouldn’t ask him about anything. And he didn’t because Karl became wrapped up in his new fixation, the beanie boy name Quackity. In fact, he became so wrapped up in Quackity, that Dream swore he saw stars in Karl’s eyes. Too bad their strings weren’t connected, Dream thought.
Sapnap began to pull himself and Dream away to give the two alone time and Dream didn’t know how to tell him that they weren’t meant to be together so what was the point, let alone the existence of soulmates.
Dream and Sapnap laid on the lawn outside the movie theater after Sapnap decided to leave Quackity and Karl in there by themselves after coming up with an “emergency”. Dream was Sapnap’s ride so naturally he had to go with him. Of course. But there was no reason Karl and Quackity shouldn’t stay back and enjoy the film. Why should everyone waste their money?
Dream saw Karl pat Sapnap’s back in thanks as they both left. Dream really wanted to see the movie but the want disappeared after Sapnap dragged him to the grass rather than the car.
“They’re both cute together,” Sapnap gushed, staring up at the stars. Dream hummed in slight agreement. They were cute together and Quackity did seem to like Karl too.
“Do you believe in soulmates?” Dream asked Sapnap, who was still staring at the night sky.
“Soulmates?” Sapnap seemed to think for a bit. “No,” he concluded. “I don’t believe in soulmates. I believe people can be compatible for each other but I don’t believe there is a person that is your end all, be all. If a relationship doesn’t work out, then you can just fall in love with someone new.”
Wrong, Dream wanted to tell him. But even though Sapnap seemed to completely disregard something Dream knew to be true with every fiber of his being, there was a light of hope in Dream’s chest. It had nothing to do with the fact that Dream and Sapnap were not soulmates. “So you don’t think Karl and Quackity are soulmates?”
“If there are soulmates out there and I’m wrong, then Karl and Quackity deserve to be soulmates the most out of everyone. But look at my mom. She was happily married to my dad, but now she’s extra happily married to my stepdad. I don’t think happiness is tied to a person. I think happiness is the situation you make of yourself.”
Dream finally let himself move over to Sapnap and lay his head on his shoulder. Sapnap curled his arm around and brought Dream in closer. Dream was happy here. He let himself be happy there. He wanted to be happy there. But he knew Sapnap was wrong because he didn’t see the red string on his pinky finger, and he didn’t see the red string on Dream’s pinky finger. And he didn’t see that they both didn’t connect. How can Dream be happy after knowing that?
They were officially in the second semester of the school year when Karl confirmed to Dream what he dreaded to be true, what he kind of already knew.
“I know you see the soulmate strings, Dream,” Karl confronted Dream when Sapnap left to go to the bathroom. They were both in Sapnap’s house after school and Quackity’s mom needed him home. Karl and Quackity have been dating for almost three months.
Karl was casually sprawled over Sapnap’s bed and Dream was sitting on Sapnap’s chair, his body stiff in a childish fright. He didn’t know why he was so scared. He didn’t care if people knew. He doubted anyone would actually believe Karl if he tried to tell them. But there was something in him afraid to lose the strings. Karl’s not evil and he wouldn’t try to take them away. Dream didn’t even know if they can be taken away. But someone knowing after Dream kept it to himself for 16 years, Dream was a little jittery.
They didn’t have time to talk because Sapnap was a fast pee-er. Dream was sort of out of it for the next couple of hours and Karl looked like he was sorry he blurted it out too early. Sapnap even noticed Dream’s state and told him to rest well for their chem exam tomorrow, pushing him out of the house by 10pm. Karl offered to drive Dream home and Dream accepted, despite only living a walking distance away.
He nervously put on his shoes and Sapnap waved goodbye to both, closing the door behind them. Karl and Dream walked in silence to the car and got in, Karl pulling out of the driveway.
A silence engulfed them before Karl started, “Don’t be scared that I know, please. I didn’t do it to be threatening.”
“How do you know?” Dream asked, relaxing a bit into the seat. Karl was one of his good friends and honestly, despite the jump, he was excited to finally talk about the biggest secret he had with someone.
“I can’t really see them,” Karl admitted. “But I used to have a friend who could. He was just like you. A child of fate, or whatever.”
“A child of fate?” Dream tasted the phrase on his tongue. It was strange.
“Yeah. It was like a weird fantasy thing for him. He used to abuse the ability. Honestly? He wasn’t really a good guy.” Karl’s hands were relaxed on ten and two. Dream mulled it over. He wasn’t special. There were others like him, or at least another like him. And he was evil?
“How do you abuse it? He just severed a bunch of connections?” Dream asked. “Can I talk to him?”
“Well, yeah. He cut and joined a bunch of strings random times. And you can’t meet him. He.. uh, he died. You know what they say about tempting fate,” Karl looked like he was cringing at the thought, his face all scrunched up. They had already reached Dream’s home by this point but Dream didn’t make the move to leave.
“Someone killed him? A hunter?” Dream asked horrified.
“What? A hunter? No! This isn’t really a fantasy novel, Dream. And I don’t know if hunters exist, or if you’re even supernatural. I’m not like, an all-knowing guy. I just used to have a friend with the same ability as you. And he had loose lips. And then he killed himself. And I don’t know why but I think it was for the best. I always thought it was like, the universe stepping in somehow and removing the threat, ya know?” Karl explained, finally turning to face Dream. Dream noticed the blue in Karl’s eyes. They were pretty.
A silence came over them as Dream processed the information.
“What did you mean by joining strings? And why are you telling me all of this?” Dream asked.
“Because you seem like a great guy. You seem like you know the importance of what you can actually do. And… well, joining strings is the whole reason why I brought it all up,” Karl said sheepishly, his hand rubbing the back of his neck nervously, as if he was going to ask a huge favor of Dream.
“Yeah?” Dream braced himself but he really didn’t know what Karl could possibly need.
“Joining strings is when two severed strings are joined together to form a new connection.”
“Like, ripping two pairs of strings apart and joining a string from pair A to pair B? And the other A to the other B?” Dream wondered out loud, too in his own world to notice Karl nodding. It was like someone punched Dream in the stomach. A whole new world opened up for Dream. It meant that Dream could’ve actually put the string back together of that boy on that ferris wheel. “What happens if I just break the connection and don’t put it back together with another one?”
“Nothing good, I assume” Karl answered and Dream saw a look in his eyes that made him realize that Karl probably saw somethings awful from the evil string manipulator he used to know.
“What? You want me to rip and reattach your string? I don’t know how!”
Karl leaned real close to Dream in the darkness that they were bathing in. “It’s as easy as breathing for you, I promise. I just want you to attach my string to Quackity’s.”
Dream shook his head vehemently. “You’re 16, Karl. You don’t know what you want. You don’t really know if you want to attach your life to Quackity’s forever. I’m not going to constantly change your connection every single time you fall in love with someone new.”
“No, no! Just Quackity’s. Just this once! I’m in love with him, Dream,” Karl begged.
“And what? You’re going to deny Quackity from falling in love with his soulmate, someone the universe chose for him, who will be perfect for him?” Dream bared his teeth in anger but Karl smacked the steering wheel really hard, scaring Dream. Karl looked Dream right in the eye and Dream saw a storm in them.
“I’m perfect for him. You can make me perfect for him! Why do you think you have the ability in the first place? You wouldn’t have it if the universe wasn’t okay with you having it,” Karl justified. “And who’s to say that someone like you, someone with the same powers you have, didn’t already reattach Quackity’s string with someone new? Soulmates don’t exist, not really. It just matters who’s on the other end of your string!” Karl waved his pinky with the string in Dream’s face. Dream knew Karl couldn’t see the strings but Dream could. He saw the poor, sad, red string that had someone attached to the other end. It was probably someone who was waiting for someone like Karl their entire life. And Dream was just debating on ruining that. And he was really close to doing it.
“I’ll think about it,” Dream finally settled. He was ready to get out of this car and lay on his bed and hopefully never wake up.
“I’ll never ask for anything ever again,” Karl whispered into the silence of the car. Dream just got out of the car and left.
And he thought about it. He thought about it a lot. He thought about it so much that he made himself sick. He vomited the next morning, his mother refusing to let him go to school. He thought about it when all of his friends texted him well.
He thought about it and then he cried. He didn’t want to make a decision like this. He felt awful when he accidentally ripped the boy’s string apart on that ferris wheel and to do that purposefully? Dream could imagine why Karl’s old friend killed himself if he had to make any of the decisions that Dream was making right now. Maybe the guilt ate him alive. Or maybe he had no guilt with the way Karl was talking about him.
Dream never even joined strings before. He doesn’t even know if he could do it. For the first time, Dream saw his gift as a curse.
He pretended to be asleep when Sapnap, Karl, and Quackity came to visit later that night, feeling bad. He pretended to not see Karl’s text of apology.
When he got to school the day after, Dream pretended the whole conversation didn’t exist and so did Karl. But Karl has never asked anything from Dream. And Dream knew that if the positions were reversed, Dream would want Karl to do him this favor. Dream actually couldn’t even imagine asking Karl a favor this huge. Maybe Karl didn’t realize how huge it was because he was friends with someone who did it all the time.
Dream wondered if the string attached to Karl held his original soulmate or if he had it changed before. Dream didn’t think he wanted to know.
The following week, Dream pulled Karl aside during lunch.
“Just once,” Dream firmly stated and a grin spread on Karl’s face. Karl began to squeal like a kid and jump around. Dream liked seeing Karl happy. Just once, Dream thought to himself.
The next day, Dream grabbed Quackity’s string and brought it home, making sure to note which side was Quackity’s. He didn’t want to accidentally join Karl with Quackity’s current soulmate. Karl made it around to his house alone after about an hour, finding it hard to make excuses to his boyfriend and future soulmate.
They both sat on Dream’s bed facing each other. Dream was sweating.
“So how does this work? Have you ever seen your friend do this?” Dream twisted Quackity’s string around his index finger.
“Yeah, so he sort of touched the string where he wanted to rip it and it just snipped. And then he wrapped the two strings around each other that he wanted to join and closed them in his palm and tada! He like, closed his eyes and stuff, of course. Will used to always say it was as easy as breathing. Or sometimes even easier.”
Karl’s explanation didn’t help Dream at all. In fact, it made him even more nervous.
“How do I keep the strings from drifting away? Do I hold onto all four ends?” Dream could still see the boy’s string fall off the side of the ferris wheel and then it was just gone.
“You can do that all in your mind. Like, you can make them stay. Do it however you did what you did the first day of school last year, remember? When you closed your eyes?” Karl shifted onto his knees, the excitement keeping him from sitting still. Dream remembered when he closed his eyes and all the strings fell to the floor loose. Dream nodded and took a deep breath. It was as easy as breathing to him now.
He grabbed Quackity’s string and made “scissors” with his index and middle finger. He snipped the string, hoping it would just come apart. Dream didn’t know any other way except to physical yank the two sides apart. The gentler approach worked and the two pieces came apart so easy, so simple. It frightened Dream on how easy it was.
He gripped the two sides like his life depended on it, like he was going to lose both of them, before he took a deep breath and placed them both on his bed, willing them to stay. They did. He again made a note on which string was Quackity’s end.
He then reached for Karl’s string and was about to snip it before Karl stopped him. “Wait!”
Dream waited.
“Which way does my string go?” Karl asked, a shyness about him that Dream wanted to touch. Dream looked around to see Karl’s string being pulled out through his bookshelf and supposedly the wall behind it.
“That way,” Dream pointed and Karl stared in the general direction. Karl’s soulful eyes seemed to wonder a question Dream himself wondered the week prior. Who was on the other end? Would he have been better for Karl? Would they have had a whole life together? Would it have been good? Dream knew that Karl wasn’t taking this lightly. It was as serious as any matter could be for a 16 year old. Karl understood the ramifications and what he was gaining versus what he was losing.
Dream snipped the string and Karl closed his eyes for a brief moment. The sadness long gone by the time he opened them. He was excited for what the future would bring. Dream twisted Quackity and Karl’s string together and placed them in his palm, closing his hand and his eyes. Dream breathed and opened them. The strings were joined and it was as if there was never a break in the first place.
Dream grabbed the other two strings and twisted them, placing them in his palm. He did the same thing, receiving the same outcome. A new pair. Dream wished them well.
It was bizarre seeing Karl and Quackity’s strings joined. It was cute the way the strings swung jovially in the space between them. It was like the string basically disappeared between them when they held hands. It was lovely and Dream was happy for them. He was happy to have discovered something new about himself and what he could do.
And so summer came and went.
Dream was now 17 getting ready for the first day of school. And when he walked in to the cafeteria during lunch time with Quackity, he was surprised to find Sapnap and Karl sitting with a very pretty boy. His hair was a stark contrast to his fair face and when Dream walked a bit closer, he could see the chocolate in his eyes as the whole table turned to look at them.
Sapnap had this pretty grin on his face and Dream looked down to his own hand. Sapnap’s string was tied around his wrist. Dream tugged at it and the knot fell apart, the string bouncing back to Sapnap, its rightful owner. Dream shamefully sleeps with it some nights. He was awful for doing it but it was everything to Dream.
“This is George, Dream and Quackity,” Sapnap introduced and Dream smiled. George sweetly smiled back and waved. Dream’s eye caught the red string on George’s pinky and it was tightly stretched towards Sapnap’s pinky, the very string Dream wrapped himself in last night.
Dream’s world absolutely fell apart. He thought he had more time.
He felt lightheaded and stumbled backwards slightly. He saw George’s smile drop from his peripheral and heard Sapnap call out his name but it sounded like he was hearing it underwater.
He thought he had more time. Dream found himself running out but Sapnap was not the type of friend to leave Dream alone, chasing him. He was wrapped in Sapnap under the bleachers in the rain.
“Anything you need, anything!” Sapnap said while gripping him tighter.
I’m so obsessed with you, I think about you all the time, Dream thoughts screamed at him. I want you to leave your soulmate and love me forever instead.
Dream, for the first time in his life, wished for a different soulmate. He was 17 and his life barely began and he was now in Karl’s shoes, wanting a love so badly that it hurt his existence. Dream wondered if he wished himself ignorant of the soulmate strings. Maybe if he didn’t know about them, he would’ve already asked Sapnap to be his by now, not knowing that he was destined for another. Maybe he would’ve been happy. But Dream knew that George would’ve eventually came in the way.
But maybe Dream was meant to have this gift. Maybe it was his fate to change the strings and love Sapnap.
Sapnap fretted around him for the rest of the day, ignoring everything and everyone else. Karl looked at him and the more he looked, the more Dream realized that Karl probably knew, to some extent what was in Dream’s heart and what his intentions were.
When they were all gathered at George’s house that night, Sapnap was combing his fingers through his hair. Dream forced Sapnap’s hand away, instead intertwining their fingers together. Sapnap smiled a bit confused at Dream, as if he didn’t know why Dream was suddenly affectionate. Dream had been dying to touch Sapnap for years but now he knew he had no time anymore. Time had sped up and Dream refused to let go for anyone.
Sapnap accepted a drink from George and Dream just shook his head to the offer. Dream’s eyes were drinking Sapnap instead.
The rest of the night, Dream was quiet. He watched Sapnap have conversations with George. He wanted to know what he would be denying future Sapnap of. It wasn’t fair what he was doing but Dream had never wanted more. He never asked for more and he never will. Just this one thing.
Karl was looking at Dream the entire night with those soul eyes. His eyes were warning but Dream ignored them. Quackity eventually stole his attention.
Later that night, when Dream had made it home with Sapnap’s string in one hand, his heart was beating like crazy. He didn’t know what he was going to do it until it was already done. He snipped Sapnap and George’s string. George was lovely. He was just so lovely, just enough lovely for whoever was at the other end of Dream’s string.
When Dream went to snip his own string, it wouldn’t fall apart. He tried over and over and over until he had enough and just yanked them both apart. It finally happened. It split in two. Dream put George with mystery stranger and Sapnap with himself. And Dream could almost fool himself to believe that he did nothing at all and it was always like this. Sapnap was made for him.
The next day, Dream was in a chipper mood. He rolled up to lunch and saw his string connected to Sapnap’s pinky. A giddiness came over him and he wanted to kiss Sapnap. He wanted to kiss him for years. So he did.
He walked up to the lunch table and just grabbed Sapnap’s face and pressed his lips on his. Sapnap made a noise in shock but once he saw who it was, melted straight into Dream. Dream closed his eyes too and it was all he ever wanted and more. He could hear some cheering in the back of his mind.
Once they both pulled back, Dream saw the glisten on Sapnap’s lips, lips that were smiling wide. Dream was out of breath and he looked up at his friends. Quackity was cheering and George clapping, seemingly enthusiastic for friends he just made. He didn’t know what he just lost, Dream thought. He also gained someone great too, Dream justified. The other end of George’s string had to be a great person, because that person was made for Dream. They would’ve been great regardless.
Karl, on the other hand, had these terrified eyes. They were open wide in horror and it was as if he’d just seen a ghost. He looked between Sapnap and Dream. Dream felt a terror go through him as well. Why did Karl look so worried? Does he know what Dream did? Probably, with the way he was staring at Dream’s disappointment when George was introduced. Dream felt dirty for the whole situation but Karl asked for the same thing so if he was upset, he was a hypocrite.
Dream went about his classes, Sapnap holding his hand in the hallways. Dream was happy, but he couldn’t help but remember that look on Karl’s face. He couldn’t shake it. He needed to confront Karl.
Dream didn’t have to look for Karl since Karl was standing by Dream’s car after school. Sapnap kissed Dream again and headed off to practice with promises that they’ll talk about their relationship tonight. Dream hesitantly approached Karl, who was tapping his foot nervously while looking around as if expected to be followed.
“What are you hiding Karl?” Dream asked suspiciously.
“I could say the same about you, Dream,” Karl countered and Dream shrunk into himself. He gestured Karl to get in his car and Karl did. Once they both settled in, Karl couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
“You attached your string to Sapnap’s!” Karl accused.
“So what? You knew I was in love with him since the moment you met me. Knowing that strings can be rejoined to someone else’s, you must’ve known that I would’ve eventually done it!”
“I honestly thought Sapnap wouldn’t meet his soulmate till later. I thought I had more time to stop you,” Karl rested his face in his hands, eventually pushing the hair off his forehead towards the back.
“You would’ve known that I or Sapnap could’ve met our soulmates at any moment. Or did you think that if I met my soulmate first that I would’ve loved him too much to detach myself from him?” Dream felt so sorry for the soulmate he lost but he knew that Sapnap was it for him. It would always be Sapnap, even when there was someone else.
“Dream…” Karl had this pitying look on his face. “You… don’t have a soulmate.”
“I have a string.”
“That string leads to the fates, Dream. It’s the whole reason you have your ability. People like you, with your ability, are not allowed to have soulmates. It’s the whole reason my friend Wilbur killed himself,” Karl said softly. Dream’s head began to spin as he frantically looked for the strings he had on his pinky.
He couldn’t see it. There wasn’t one on Karl’s pinky either. In fact, Dream doesn’t think he saw red strings at all today after kissing Sapnap. He was so used to seeing them that his eyes oversaw them. He was also too into Sapnap today to notice when they disappeared.
He felt a frantic urge to go find George and get the fates string back. But now he had Sapnap, which was even better.
“So can George now see the red strings?”
“I don’t think it works like that, Dream,” Karl said. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know what’s going to happen. Wilbur was too in love with his ability to ever rip his string apart. He just figured out he didn’t have a soulmate when he began to pull the other end and nothing came of it. His dad travelled a lot and Will had hopped on to hunt his soulmate down but there was no consistency to the direction. At first, he thought that his soulmate was traveling too, but after he learned to identify strings, his felt hollow. And that was that. He always linked it to his ability and then he killed himself so nothing came of it.”
“Identify strings?” Dream’s scratchy voice asked, fighting back the tears from losing a piece of himself.
“Yeah, after a while, he could basically touch the string and knows who it belongs to by the feel of it. And then, if he did it for long enough, their life stories unravelled themselves to him. He could tell how a person died. It was disturbing the way he used to describe it. Of course I was the one that was disturbed, never Wilbur,” Karl made a gagging noise but Dream didn’t have the heart to look up. He just stared out the window.
Karl jumped into a story of a man who was going to be burned alive and Dream stared out the window. It began to softly rain, the drops few and far between. Dream’s eyes blurred with tears. Maybe if he waited, he could’ve figured out Sapnap’s life story. Now, he’ll never get the chance to. And Dream was jealous of George being able to see the strings now that he was unable to. He was first jealous of George having Sapnap and now the strings. But if Dream had to choose between the strings and Sapnap, he would choose Sapnap every single time. He didn’t care if he couldn’t see the strings. He just didn’t want George to see them either.
“We need to figure out if George can see the strings,” Dream interrupted Karl’s story. Karl looked at him as if he felt sorry for everything Dream had brought upon himself, really. Dream couldn’t argue against that. He knew he was at fault. He rolled the ball and now he had to deal with it.
Karl nodded.
The next day, both Karl and Dream kept a lookout for George acting suspicious. It was weird that Dream didn’t know what to look for. Dream didn’t realize that there were signs but Karl convinced him there were. Karl was an expert from watching Wilbur and Dream.
Karl said that when they stared at the strings, their eyes glazed over. And their fingers would fidget up and down, as if they were playing invisible guitar strings. They would also close their eyes and breath because they got overwhelmed easily. Karl said that after Wilbur figured out he could identify strings, he would physically twitch when someone touched him or even when no one touched him. It was most likely because strings were everywhere.
In the beginning though, it was a lot of weird movements and haziness. So that’s what they looked for.
They didn’t find anything.
George was a pretty boy with a positive outlook on the world. Nothing had ever happened to him, exciting or awful. He just lived in the moments and was happy to be included. He was a good friend and now that Dream knew that there was no one at the other end of that string, the guilt came back tenfold. Dream had destined George to a life of loneliness. At night, he dreamed of George finding another stringless soul, maybe that boy from the ferris wheel, and falling in love with him instead, another person Dream had wronged.
George was great friends with Sapnap and Quackity, the three of them always giggling at something. And now, once Dream had attached his string to Sapnap’s, he didn’t feel a weird pit when they talked. Maybe fate had decided George and Sapnap would have been good together but that all changed now. Dream changed it. He knew that Sapnap would never really love anyone like he would love Dream. Maybe he was capable of it, but it just wouldn’t be the same.
And George was just the same old George, with nothing to hide. Dream was kind of relieved George didn’t have the strings, but he sometimes missed them dearly. He thought about them a lot. Sapnap would just press his forehead against Dream’s cheekbone when Dream would space out thinking about them.
When winter came, Dream and Sapnap would be up in Sapnap’s room in his bed under his blanket to keep warm. Dream had never felt warmer. Some nights after school, Dream would read to Sapnap, the stories like a fire, the flames licking, reaching up to the sky to keep their love alive. Sapnap said that he had a crush on Dream since middle school. Dream said he had loved Sapnap forever and the love in Sapnap’s eyes for Dream was enough to replace the hole in Dream’s heart that the absence of the strings had left in him.
And after a awhile, Dream thought that maybe one day, he’ll be okay without them. He hoped so.
When they all sat in Karl’s living room one night watching a movie, Dream had Sapnap on one side and George on the other. And when George and him both reached into the popcorn bowl together, their fingers brushed ever so slightly. A huge flash entered Dream’s vision and he saw a little boy with brown hair and brown eyes, sitting in a field of green.
Dream gasped and pulled away. Dream looked at George to see if he saw what Dream saw and judging by George’s mouth that had fallen open, he had. The both stared at each other in the dark until there was an explosion on screen. And then they both just stared the tv, unable to digest what was happening.
They both didn’t get a chance to talk alone until Karl and Sapnap’s game day the following week. They found themselves in the parking lot during halftime when Quackity went to the concessions stand. Leaning against Dream’s old beat up car, George looked at Dream as Dream stared ahead.
“It was weird, wasn’t it?” George asked timidly. He found Dream a bit hard to talk to, despite being friends for months. Dream wasn’t loud and boisterous like Sapnap, giggly and hyper like Quackity, or mr. no personal space and jokester like Karl. George was the type of person to feed off the energy from others and it sometimes felt like Dream had no energy, that he was in his own personal world of zen. George didn’t know what to do with that. Dream just made him sleepy.
And he had a weird feeling in his chest when he looked at Sapnap and Dream, like there was something in George missing, like it was dark and broken. And maybe he was just a smidge different than everyone else. He felt untethered from the world, like he would float forever, alone.
“So weird,” Dream agreed. Dream didn’t know what to say here. He had a feeling he knew what happened. He gave George his fate string but George couldn’t use the string because he wasn’t capable of it, so when Dream touched George, it was sort of like for the moment, Dream had his string back again. And he wanted to reach out and touch George again, because for that brief vision, he felt like himself again.
He didn’t have to, because George did.
George quickly reached out and grabbed Dream’s hand and Dream didn’t have it in him to let go because for a second, Dream saw what he used to see. He saw the string that used to be his on George’s pinky and… it didn’t look right. It wasn’t red anymore. It was darker and deeper, as if all the life, the redness, was being sucked out of it. It was like a failing organ that was put in a new body that it didn’t match with. He saw the overwhelming amount of strings being stretched across the parking lot from those in the stadium.
Dream pulled back, breathing heavy.
“See! It happened again! Maybe we have a connection,” George exclaimed.
Dream moved back a bit. “I’m with Sapnap, George.”
“No! I would never do that to you guys. I just meant like, maybe it’s like a weird fantasy novel thing. Maybe there’s a bigger meaning behind it all. Maybe this actually means something in the grand scheme of the universe,” George explained, moving backwards off the car to give Dream more space.
Dream didn’t know how to tell him that the only grand scheme here was Dream messing up big time. He wondered if the poisoned string would have any effect on George. He wondered if it was worse than just losing your string.
“Yeah… maybe,” Dream said softly. He was sorry. He really was. But he had Sapnap. And Sapnap was everything. He wouldn’t trade him for anything.
And what was bitter was that sure, Dream could have glimpses of his old life but he couldn’t even touch George again, or George would start figuring things out. Dream left George, making some excuse.
He headed towards the bathroom. He heaved and the tears began to fall. That was it. Dream was mourning the loss of what he used to have. It was painful. It was awful.
And he doomed one of his friends in the meantime, one who didn’t even know anything.
Dream wiped his tears away and eventually joined the rest of his friends after the game ended. He pretended everything was okay and stayed as far away from George as possible. George looked at Dream strangely but gave him some space.
Dream avoided being alone with George or touching him for the rest of the school year. And in the summer, George left for vacation, set to return for the fall.
Dream pressed his lips on the inside of Sapnap’s thigh. All I’ve ever loved was you, Dream thought. All I’ve ever known was you.
Dream was 18 when Dream walked into the cafeteria on the first day of his last year in high school. George didn’t look well. His face looked as if it was sinking in. Sapnap and Quackity fretted around George and Karl gave Dream a look. Dream looked away.
And then he watched George disappear slowly from the inside out. It looked as if he was decaying alive. And he was so sweet, and he was so happy for Sapnap and Dream, and for Karl and Quackity.
As winter break approached, Dream found himself accidentally alone with George on a balcony in the middle of the night. They were having a sleepover and everyone was asleep, except for George, who stood freezing out on Quackity’s balcony.
“It’s cold, George,” Dream broke the silence. George didn’t even flinch. He didn’t turn back. Dream walked out to lean out on the railing.
“I don’t feel well, Dream,” George croaked.
“Did you see a doctor?” Dream asked guiltily.
“Not physically,” George clarified. “I’m just so alone. I think I’m depressed.”
Dream looked up at the night sky. The universe was too big to end up alone. For the first time in a few months, Dream thought of that boy on that ferris wheel. Did he kill himself, feeling depressed from being untethered in this vast night sky that was full of stars?
Dream thought of Wilbur, who killed himself without giving his string away. Maybe Dream would’ve ended up like that if he didn’t pass the poison to someone else. Maybe Wilbur wouldn’t have killed himself if he lived in ignorance and never knew he didn’t have a soulmate. Dream imagined Sapnap living his life with Dream. Dream imagined living a life without George.
Dream loved George. He wanted him here with the rest of them. Dream saw the pretty boy past all the tears on his sunken face.
“Will you touch me one more time, Dream?” George asked and it wasn’t like Dream to deny a sad man anything, but Dream hadn’t thought about the strings the entire summer. He remembered them after seeing George the first day of school. Dream didn’t want the poison of loneliness.
Dream shook his head.
“Please,” George begged, reaching out for him. Dream took a few steps back, afraid of being touched. Tonight needed to end. The morning sunlight would do them both some good.
“Go to sleep, George,” Dream muttered and turned around to leave. There was a spot for him next to Sapnap under a warm blanket.
They found George at the bottom of the five story apartment building, straight down from the balcony the next morning. A woman screamed and the four boys stood staring down at the splatter of body that seemed to splash everywhere. It was too much.
They all cried. And at the funeral, Karl looked over at Dream and Dream felt naked. Karl saw Dream and all he was.
“I love you, Dream,” Karl said while leaving the funeral. “But I won’t forgive you for this.”
And though they stayed together, they drifted in the water as if they were alone. And when they had their graduation, they went to different colleges, with Karl and Quackity going one way and Sapnap and Dream another.
Sapnap and Quackity tried very hard to keep in touch but Karl and Dream’s hearts weren’t in it.
And years down the line, Dream sometimes could see the red strings in his dreams. He sometimes like to imagine that they were there when he and Sapnap moved against each other in the sheets.
“It was like an invisible string led me to you,” Dream told Sapnap in their vows. Dream wanted to drown in Sapnap. And he did, over and over again.
And when they were old and weary, Dream sometimes wondered if the red strings were just something he made up, a dream perhaps. Maybe Dream just imagined that he led one of his friends to suicide.
Sapnap’s hand fit in Dream’s hand perfectly, the wrinkles all fitting in with Dream’s wrinkles from the years of hand holdings. I would’ve loved you regardless of strings, Dream thought.
And then he closed his eyes, sleep overtaking him. He was under the stars.