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Chapter Text

It was a dark afternoon. Clouds hid the sun and darkened the skies looking as if drops would fall at any moment. The city was relatively quiet, and there were not many people prowling the streets deciding to stay resting in their comfortable homes due to the delicate weather.

In the case of the cavalry captain, he could not afford to rest.

He was on the outskirts of the walls clearing a camp led by some abyss mages. Something not too difficult, for the captain himself it was something totally easy and he could solve it on his own without additional help.

In the middle of the fight against a hydro abyss mage, he felt a discomfort deep in his chest. For the moment, he decided to ignore it and continue with his work of weakening the shield. His cryo vision was spot on, so freezing the mage and destroying his shield was an easy task.

But when the mage’s shield was already broken, and the still living body of the creature lay on the ground weak, the discomfort that had been born in his chest turned into pain. On impulse, he raised a hand and brought it to his chest in a futile attempt to soothe the lingering pain. He gritted his teeth and the grip on his sword grew tighter, each passing second the pain became more unbearable and the camp was still not empty.

"Shit." He frowned and shook his head trying to clear his mind. He decided that if he kept standing there with one hand on his chest he was going to end up dead, so he ignored the torment and furiously thrust the sword into the mage to kill him.

Only a couple of hilichurls remained and the main threat was eliminated. He called the creatures' attention to gather them together and launched a gelid blast killing them instantly.

His breathing labored, the pain only increasing with each breath he took. He felt his head spinning and briefly closed his eye to concentrate. The familiar faint feeling was present and Kaeya could only curse to himself.

When he opened his eye, he decided it was time to act.

He wasn't that far out of town, he knew the roads all over Mondstadt by heart and he had a great sense of direction. He began to walk at a relatively normal pace even with his sword in his right hand, never letting his guard down.

He is the cavalry captain after all, he has to act like one.

Every step he took was one more step towards the unbearable unknown pain. His body felt tense and uncomfortable as if it were stuffed with absorbent cotton. His head was about to explode, he felt it throbbing in a sick rhythm almost to the point where he couldn't think of anything because of the pain.
But still the chest was the worst part, it was hell on every exhale and there was a strange choking sensation that was driving him crazy.

He had to stay strong. Again his free hand was on his chest tearing at the skin in an attempt to distract himself from the internal pain, but equally it felt useless.

Finally after a long walk through the cool lands of Mondstadt, Kaeya reached the stone bridge that connected to the city of freedom.

He noticed that Timmie was not standing on the edge of the bridge watching the pigeons as he usually does, even dedicated children like him refrained from going out on the streets in the face of this stormy and windy weather.

As he gets closer to the entrance he quickly waves to the guards who look at him slightly strangely, they probably noticed something strange about him but Kaeya was quicker. By the time a guard was about to speak, the captain was already gone up the stone stairs.

The two men stood watching the body of their captain walking away in the darkness and then looked at each other confused and worried.

Kaeya continued on his way. He should probably go to the cathedral, but with just the thought of having to walk more and climb the endless stairs now in his so delicate and painful state he thought better to go to the headquarters and pay a visit to the acting grand master.

Following his quick plan, he arrives at the place he had in mind and was thankful in his head to finally be right in front of Jean's office. He sighs trying to get some stress away and abandons his hand on his chest while flashing a bright smile completely fake but hoping that he manages to fool his superior.

He searches his clothes for any blood stains and curses when he realizes that they are quite battered. He finds himself dirty and with traces of red crimson, he doesn't know if it belongs to his blood or of his previous opponents. Now he understands why some of the guards looked at him strangely.

For a few seconds the thought of simply leaving so as not to worry Jean more than necessary popped into his mind. The tendencies to fake his emotional or physical state have dominated him to this point in his life, he feels like he is losing more parts of himself every day and he can't even remember who his real self is anymore.

He stood for a while in front of his superior's door with the nagging pain in his chest and in a daze, analyzing all his options and every little detail that will be taken into account in the various situations.

He finally made the decision to go to his dark and lonely apartment to sink in his own misery. Maybe he will find some medicine or medicinal tea to relieve his pain hidden among his neglected cabinets full of dust and bottles of wine that intoxicate his mind and silence his inner voices.

But his plans were ruined when the wooden door was slowly opened revealing a rather tired Jean due to the overwork.

"..- Kaeya! Oh barbatos- are you okay?"

Being Kaeya with bloody clothes and a pained expression the first thing she sees when she opens the door she reacts with surprise and clear concern on her face.

Kaeya tries to suppress the feeling that Jean's concern brought to his soul. He is just a simple sinner sent from the godforsaken lands and a traitor. He doesn't deserve her concern.

No matter which side he is on, he will always betray a part of the people. It doesn't matter who he loves because at the end of the day he will end up stabbing them in the back and fill their minds with lies carefully designed to protect himself as the selfish man he is.

Where he came from he was never taught to love after all.

He was taught to hate.

It is exactly the reason he is here in the first place, the hatred for his people towards the archons, the thirst for vengeance coursing through their veins tinged with countless sins and souls tainted by the abyss to hide their true light.

He was tired of hatred. Tired of it all.

The vision hanging on his hip felt heavy despite its lightness.

There is a moment of weakness allowed for his tainted soul?

"I need your help."

-

"You say it was a sudden pain?"

"Yes, I was cleaning a camp and suddenly this pain in my chest started to come on for no apparent reason."

The two decided to keep their conversation private in Jean's office, Kaeya was sitting in a chair while his friend healed and cleaned the blood from the minor wounds on his body. He had to resist a grunt of pain and instead smiled weakly.

Jean had tried to use her healing powers on him but only managed to heal the physical wounds. The pain in his chest continued, not even her great abilities managed to make him feel any kind of relief, they were running out of ideas.

After a few seconds of silence Jean got up from the ground and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Come, I'll help you go to the cathedral-" immediately she was interrupted by the other.

"No need, I can't afford to disturb the sweet sleep of the nuns with a trifling pain in the chest Jean."

The grand master hardened her gaze, she predicted this response and could not allow her friend to go home with a pain that is clearly greater than it appears. She walked over to him and helped him up from his seat.

"Kaeya, we both know this isn't normal." She replied, seeming unwilling to change her mind. "You will see a healer who will ease your pain."

Kaeya's one solitary eye looked almost pleadingly into Jean's. He tried to form another smile but exhaustion began to affect his mind. He was so weak.

"It could be a simple cold." He wanted to fight back but Jean had already put one arm of his around his neck to help him walk properly. "I am more than capable of walking Grand master-" This time it was Jean's time to interrupt.

"A sudden pain in the center of the chest can't be a cold Kaeya. It may be something more serious." She opened the door to her office and they started heading towards the cathedral. Kaeya let Jean help him with the walk but he was definitely going to put up a fight for the argument, his pride was already hurt enough without losing in two battles in a row.

"I'll occupy a stretcher that could be occupied by a person more in need than me."

As they climbed the stairs leading to the center of the city where the great statue of Barbatos stood, Jean looked worriedly for a moment at Kaeya. He felt sick, he had seen that look many times in a single night.

"You are not a hindrance." She continued to look at him almost pityingly. Jean knew of his past with Diluc, she was the one who took him in the same night the fight to the death happened. She had seen him at his worst moments and she understood how much Kaeya despised himself for everything.

Flashes of that fight were present in Kaeya's mind and stormy memories came to Jean's head seeing her friend so weak. She is probably the person who knows most how lonely Kaeya can be, she blames herself for what happened even when she did nothing but help and try to heal wounds that are destined to prevail forever and leave a horrible scar.

The two have very different thoughts of each other.

Jean looks at Kaeya as a lone star in the night sky. He knows he has been through so much but still maintains a bright image and a personality that does not adhere to his past. He can look so close but in reality he is so far away from everyone, he keeps people away from his icy heart and builds high walls so no one sees his real pain.

Every time she looks at Kaeya she thinks of a star. The two of them are far away but when someone looks at their exterior they have the same image as always, bright and strong they will never fade because of how resplendent they are.

Needless to say, it's just a defense mechanism to not end up hurt again and to keep others from worrying about their mere existence.

Kaeya looks at himself as a traitor. A filthy thief of the happiness of stable, normal families. He does not and did not deserve all the affection he received back then. What he does deserve is to fall into the abyss to be with the disgusting cursed creatures in order to be with people who look like him, equally cursed and dirty.

Sometimes he thinks his brother's sword buried in his chest would have been the best option for everyone.

There is no talk after that, Kaeya just looks at her for a few seconds and then looks away. Jean seems to get his message and simply drops the subject for now.

They continued walking in silence until they reached the tall doors of the cathedral. They entered with the help of some guards who opened the doors for them and were greeted by some nuns who were on their night shift.

They took him to a room full of stretchers and made him lie down on one even though he thought it was not necessary. They did a brief check of his wounds but they were already healed thanks to Jean's skills, so they started checking the chest where the main pain was.

Kaeya expected Jean to leave him as soon as he had left him at the cathedral, but when he looked away from the hardworking hands of a healer on his chest with a cream supposedly to help relieve it, he noticed Jean in the corner patiently waiting for the results of his condition.

He felt like crying.

Jean was there, in the same room waiting for him. She didn't leave him, she stayed there. With him.

If he kept thinking like that he would end up shedding some tears, so instead he closed his eyes.

The sounds of the monitors in the background sounded like hammer blows in his ears, the headache only increased and he still didn't feel the effects of the cream on him. The smell of medicine abounded in his nose making him feel even more sick and dizzy. Perhaps he was worse than he imagined.

About ten minutes passed and he continued with his eyes closed. Anxiety at some point began to bloom in his hurt chest, he began to fear what the healer would say with a rather anxious expression at the time of speaking.

They seemed to think he was asleep and the healer was already ready to talk to Jean who at no time left. With slow steps he made his way to the corner where she stood to inform her of the captain's condition.

"The options for a healthy and stable quality of life are few. None, even." The healer had said.

Jean looked at him startled with wide eyes at such a revelation. "What do you mean?"

"A heart transplant will be needed." The healer closed his eyes and shook his head sorrowfully. "It's a very risky operation. The chances of survival are lower than 5 percent."

Kaeya, who was pretending to sleep, heard Jean's faint sobs.

And he felt his whole world fall apart.

Chapter Text

Diluc and Kaeya had become siblings again. They called each other brother and they are currently comfortable with their relationship. The road they traveled was long and full of rocks that made it difficult for them to pass, but they remained together at all times.

A couple of arguments still arise but they are much less frequent as before, now they really seem to be brothers and their fights are nothing compared to the past as they have not used a sword against each other years ago, nor do they plan to do so again.

After the news he received the night before, when he opened his eyes after a pretend nap he was immediately hugged by Jean still with tears in his eyes. Kaeya had to resist crying his own tears and simply feigned confusion as he asked Jean what was wrong.

He had to listen again to the words that sank his hurting heart, he confirmed what the healer had said and he was genuinely scared. He didn't say it out loud, though.

It all felt like a strange dream, he still wants to believe he is still dreaming and still in his bed sleeping before going to that abyss creature camp.

Jean and Diluc are the same. As soon as she knew about this the first thing she wanted to do was to fix everything on her own. She started looking for many options and external outlets to be able to save him, and Kaeya, seeing how very desperate her friend was for his miserable life couldn't help but sob from the pain.

And he knows Diluc would do the same. He would give anything for his brother.

He doesn't think it's necessary to tell his brother the details, his last days he would like to spend them as normal and with a Diluc no more protective than he is. It would ruin his brother's life if he gave him the news, he is leaving so happy with his current relationship and to just throw it all away for this cursed heart would be so selfish of him.

Therefore, he will go to tell the general idea of his current condition to Diluc, with no additional worries and simply the necessary words.

Kaeya was already inside the mansion looking at the elegant wooden door of Diluc's room. He felt this scene repeating itself.

Anxiety in his chest, labored breathing thinking the right words as he stared at the door scared fearing the worst. A familiar scene.

Only this time he hoped he wouldn't be threatened by a large sword at his neck.

"Diluc, can I talk to you for a minute?" Finally, after seconds of hesitation he dared to enter his brother's beautiful room.

His room was quite big, a king bed of ideal size for two adults and windows elegantly decorated with beautiful and expensive fabrics. Kaeya could have sworn his brother slept in the room of a king.

He was standing by the now closed door staring at his brother who was sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Sure, what's wrong?" Diluc noticed his seriousness on his face and looked at him a bit confused.

Kaeya sighed, started walking towards the bed and sat down next to Diluc with his feet on the floor and his gaze continued to rest on his brother. "I went to the cathedral."

Noticing his small pause, Diluc opened his mouth. "... Something bad happened at the cathedral?" He cocked his head slightly, also looking at him.

"No, no... the cathedral is safe." Kaeya smiled a little, but it was a weak smile. Then he finally averted his gaze to his nervous feet. "I went to get some exams done."

"Medical exams?" Kaeya wasn't sick, or at least that's what Diluc knew so far, why would kaeya have to take some exams? "Why? Are you hurt?" He began to search his younger brother's body with his eyes but received a tired chuckle.

"No, not hurt." Kaeya tried to calm him by shaking his head slowly. A sigh was heard, "I'm sick." Now they looked at each other again.

"Sick...?" So that was it, Diluc was wrong after all. "Why don't you lie down? Come here, my bed is bigger, it will be more comfortable for you.." The red-haired man got up from the bed and started to pull the sheets forward welcoming his brother, but he politely refused.

"No, Diluc- listen to me." Kaeya watched what he was doing and also got up from his bed to be at the same height as Diluc. "It's a strange condition. It's not a disease like any other."

Diluc stopped and let go of the sheets to look at him properly. "W-what? Kaeya what disease do you have? Is it... dangerous?" He asked in fright, he looked at him with eyes wide with distress and slightly tilted eyebrows.

Kaeya was silent for a few seconds, staring at him.

Is Diluc correct? ...will it really be a deadly disease?

"No, no Diluc, it is not. Or at least we don't know yet.." Kaeya looked down again and pursed his lips. "It's a strange disease, as I said before. They're still researching for a cure."

Though he wasn't entirely lying, the words in his mouth felt bitter. To say it's a hopeless condition to his brother was horrible, he'd rather have a kick in the stomach.

"But you're out of risk, right? You won't die...right?" his last word of that sentence came out lower and weaker than Diluc intended. He moved closer to his brother and hugged him carefully as if he was going to break at any moment.

"We're not a hundred percent sure but, I guess I'm in a fairly low risk range." Kaeya gladly accepted his embrace and tried to calm him with words. "Let's not be hasty, I'm sure I'll be fine… don't worry."

"If you say so..." The older brother continued the hug and hid his face in Kaeya's shoulder. "Whatever happens, we'll figure it out together."

"Yeah... together..."

Kaeya hates to give Diluc false hope, but it's all he has left and he needs to hold on to this.

Everyone knows Diluc, great wine magnate, the uncrowned king of Mondstadt, the most wanted man by the fatuis thanks to his countless actions against them, he was even denied entry to the nation reigned by the cryo archon.

Incredible strength for being the bearer of a sword almost his size, long scars abound on his body from feared adventures outside the city of freedom.

He survived years without his vision and being miles away from home, with only the company of his beloved sword and being recently grieved by the death of his father and the betrayal of his brother. He is certainly a respectable man by reputation and past.

But what about Kaeya?

What did he do?

No one really knows Kaeya. If it wasn't for the Ragnvindr family he would be lost now. Or rather dead. They took him in that stormy night and taught him a language unknown to him.

If it were not for Diluc, he would now be nothing.

The position of cavalry captain belongs to him just because the original one retired. The absence of someone in that position forced the higher ranks to put Kaeya in it for lack of personnel and apparently he was the only decent one among the new knights.

Kaeya laughs at them, do they really think he would never notice? Just after the fight to the death with Diluc and his abandonment of the knights, he was promoted to captain regardless of his current status.

He was devastated, and it seemed that no one noticed. They loaded him with new duties and a new job to keep while he was suffering from the death of his father and the fight with his brother.

Days later, the news that the only descendant of the Ragnvindr had abandoned everything. He left and didn't return for years.

Kaeya wasn't sure if that affected him as he thought it would. Somehow he was relieved when he heard Diluc was gone because after everything that had happened he began to fear the red haired one. Every night he dreamed of that fateful day. Diluc's sword being inches away from taking his head off and the fire phoenix warming his skin to the point of burning him.

Just when the bird is about to burn all his body alive he wakes up with a scream choked by fear.

And on the other hand Diluc's departure saddened him, the small hope of being brothers with him again had evaporated along with his old personality. The months he was on his own all alone with two nations weighing on his shoulders and the pain of losing the only people he truly valued, he learned that as long as he lives it will always be him alone against the whole world. He realized that despite having people close to him all his life he always ends up alone, no matter what he does.

His life always consisted of lies, he had to hide for years from his adoptive family and after almost being killed for revealing his past he will never think about telling the truth if it means he will get hurt again.

The only difference his current self had with the Kaeya of the past, is that he now understood that if he had a shy and small personality the world would tear him to pieces under their feet. So he had to cover everything he built with a simple blanket and show the outside a totally different person from his childhood.

That's why Diluc was so confused to see his brother again after years.

When he was on his first night of service at the tavern after his disappearance for years, Kaeya was a totally new person. Everything about him had changed, even in the way he dressed. He replaced the turtleneck to a bare chest, his way of smiling and speaking did not resemble his brother at all, he almost believed that this was not Kaeya but an impostor.

Even after the memories they shared Kaeya referred to him as a stranger. Diluc wished that upon his return, his brother would run into his arms and collapse in apologies.

Diluc could not have been more wrong. And not surprising since it was mainly his fault for their separation and the one who should be apologizing is not Kaeya but him.

The shy brother he had known, the one who hid in his shadow with a sad look on his face as he watched the other children play, was now an adult who could easily live alone without his older brother and was even stronger than him.

The one who stayed in the city was Kaeya and not Diluc after all, the older brother who was supposed to be the one taking care of the younger one was the one who ran like a coward and walked away from all the trouble while the younger one had to pick up the broken pieces with his burnt hands.

But even though Kaeya is the stronger of the two, Diluc was once again the center of attention when he returned. When he took a step into the city, the citizens were already like an avalanche welcoming him back and congratulating his return.

While Diluc was drowning in the attention and love of others, he was able to avert his gaze for a few seconds further into the city. He stopped his slight thanks and greetings and was silent for a few seconds when he noticed Kaeya standing at the back of the city as he watched all the commotion.

Absolutely alone, looking lost and shocked at the same time, Diluc could almost feel the anguish in his chest from his younger brother. There he stood in a deserted city because they were all focused on Diluc, no one noticed the mental breakdown Kaeya was going through at that moment because all eyes were on Diluc.

And when the redhead blinked a couple of times he realized that Kaeya was no longer there. He kept looking for him with his eyes but the people didn't seem to want to move away and continued to greet him with wide smiles.

"We'll fight the world together, brother!" That's what his older brother had told him years ago once on a day when they were running from their father for a prank they had committed. "It's just the two of us and no one else!"

It's depressing to think that some time later the sentence would morph to a "Draw your sword, we'll fight right now. Defend yourself." as the rain fell furiously on their heads.

From that horrible day, neither of them will ever forget what happened, even if they have already mended their bond.

Chapter Text

“Everything seems to be in order. You can go now.”

Kaeya put on his shirt and then his cavalry captain's jacket before getting up from the gurney he was sitting on.

The healer had finished the usual review of him and was now reviewing some papers that he had in his hands.

He doesn't think he can handle this.

Because of his strange condition, the healers told him that he would start coming more often for "progressive medical examinations" or something they had called it. Going to the cathedral and sitting in the same place every time while they make some samples makes him feel sicker than he already is.

He feels like a sick old man.

He sighed. He was about to leave until a voice called him to stop.

"Oh and Captain Kaeya-..." He simply turned his head to look at the healer. “You will have to start taking these pills.”

The man handed a yellow capsule filled with small white pills to his hand and Kaeya accepted them with mild disgust. The healer gave him some simple instructions on when he should take them and that he should be careful with the amount he took and that stuff… He really wasn't paying much attention.

He doesn't understand why he has to take some pills. Nor does he understand why he is being treated if everyone knows that he has no cure?

What he needs is a new heart, and God knows he never had one even if he wasn't sick, the day Crepus died he had laughed while his brother cried.

He thanked the healer and began to walk slowly through the halls. Completely ignoring the strange look of some patients and nuns, they must be surprised to see their captain going to daily sessions with a healer.

When he finally emerged from the pill-infested, sick-smelling hell, the warm morning sun greeted him along with an icy breeze that cooled his face. He couldn't help but let out a yawn.

He looked up at the sky and watched the birds fly freely without a care. He can't believe that he envies those creatures wrapped in white feathers.

He shook his head and continued on his way to the headquarter. He had a relaxed expression, but not enough to smile. As he walked by some people greeted him and he politely returned their greeting with a small smile, but when they were nowhere in sight the smile on his face quickly faded.

He finally reaches his destination and goes straight to his office, wanting to avoid contact with any other beings and just wallow on his desk and choke on paperwork. That will help him to clear his mind.

He opened the door to enter and then closed it when he was already inside. He walked slowly over to his gorgeous desk and sank into his chair which wasn't the most comfortable seat in the world but was certainly a lot more comforting than the cathedral bed.

He allowed himself to let out a suppressed sigh. He closed his eyes for a few moments and began to focus on nothing but his breathing. He felt his slightly tensed muscles relax on each exhalation and his mind was released for a few minutes from his illness.

It didn't last long, someone was already at his door knocking gently.

He decided to ignore it. He continued in his attempt to relax and waited for his mind to repress the constant tapping on the wood.

He hoped that whoever was behind the door would think no one was there and he'd walk away without further questions.

But instead, that person walked into the office anyway.

"-Kaeya I was calling you but you didn't answer- oh Kae.."

Suddenly the annoyed tone of voice turned into pity and understanding. The captain hadn't understood this sudden change in attitude so he finally decided to open his eye.

With his eye already open, it was Jean who was walking towards him with a worried expression. Kaeya slightly arched his eyebrows at the situation without understanding anything. A few seconds later, Jean was already kneeling right next to him.

Kaeya turned his head, staring at her still confused but she just sighed. Then before he could ask what was wrong, he felt a hand on his cheek.

She was wiping his tears away.

“It's okay Kaeya, we'll get out of this. Everything will be fine."

Is what she said with a small smile to ease some of his sadness. Kaeya hadn't even realized he had started to cry until Jean lovingly wiped his tears away. He simply looked down at the ground as he felt the sensation of liquid run down his cheeks.

Jean moved a little closer and enveloped his delicate body in a small hug. He felt safe in her arms so he allowed himself a moment of weakness, closing his eye and relaxing at her intentions.

At the entrance of the office was Lisa who observed everything delicately. Jean had told her everything and now she was accompanying her to pay the cavalry captain a visit, but when they saw him in such a weak and delicate state they decided it was better that his childhood friend came in to comfort him.

Lisa couldn't help but feel bad about the situation. She never would have thought that the captain would fall before her after all that has happened.

“How about I make some tea for both of you?”

 –

Jean believes that Kaeya should not be alone, and instead he should be in the company of his loved ones and friends.

After they had a talk about medications and changed the subject to a lighter one while having some tea that Miss Lisa herself had prepared, Kaeya managed to sneak away for a few minutes and was now sitting by the fountain that was located near the headquarters.

His gaze was fixed on the crystal clear water flowing down the beautiful fountain made of fine minerals, but his mind was actually elsewhere.

The expression on his face was totally blank, showing no emotion, not even sadness. He was just a man sitting near the fountain looking wistfully at the water.

Since the news had hit his ears he doesn't know exactly how to feel. His heart was apparently very sick as was his body but he doesn't feel as bad as people think. Thanks to the medicines and the healers his pain has reduced a lot, he hasn't felt the stabbing pain in his chest like that night.

Minutes passed, hours perhaps, he doesn't know. He sat staring at nothing in particular as thoughts of him flooded his mind. He began to feel dizzy.

Suddenly, he felt that somebody was sitting next to him.

"You look devastated."

Kaeya slowly turned his head towards the voice. He honestly hoped for anyone but Albedo.

"I appreciate your honesty, chief alchemist." The captain let out a small, barely audible laugh, then looked away again and continued looking at the beloved fountain.

There was a short silence between them, Albedo was not known for his conversation skills and Kaeya was now strangely quieter than usual.

"Are you okay?"  His voice sounded genuinely concerned and it seemed that he was genuinely interested in his health. “Seeing you here just staring off into space is not something I would see every day.”

"I'm fine, don't worry." A lie. He hopes with every shred of hope he has left in his body that Albedo believes him.  "Just thinking, that's all."

A pause. The only sound that could be heard for the next few seconds was the water continuously falling into the fountain. Kaeya couldn't look the alchemist in the eyes, he somehow felt bad about lying to him since apparently he did care.

"You look lonely." The two of them were looking at the fountain now, avoiding each other's gazes. "I feel pain in your heart."

Kaeya wanted to laugh, he didn't know if Albedo was talking about emotional hurt or literal pain. In any case, either option would be correct.

As if fate wanted to ruin his life even when he knew it would end at some point, the throbbing pain was back in his chest. He instinctively raised his hand towards the source of the pain and his expression began to transform into one of pain.

Albedo noticed this, of course. He quickly got up from his seat and placed a hand on Kaeya's back. The alchemist's always neutral face had changed to one of concern as he stared at Kaeya analyzing his actions.

"Where are your pills?" The blond asked him and Kaeya through his excruciating pain raised his idle hand and pointed to his pants pocket. Hastily the alchemist's hand went to his side to look for his capsule successfully finding it.

The blond's gloved hand flipped open the cap quickly and pulled out two white pills. He motioned for Kaeya to open his mouth and he immediately complied, the pain was growing every second and he was beginning to squirm in annoyance.

Kaeya felt the pills slide down his throat and his expression relaxed slightly. Albedo stared to make sure the taller one was alright. After the moment of tension was over, the alchemist returned to sit next to him without taking his hand off his back. The captain had finally removed his own hand from his chest and breathed a sigh of relief as he felt the pain gradually lessen.

"So I was right. You feel pain in your heart.” The alchemist did not feel very proud that he was right, he hoped that he had been wrong but now he confirmed his observations.

"How did you know?" For the second time that day he looked the alchemist in the eyes. Albedo looked at him with understanding on his face and slightly shook his head.

"I guess I'm not human enough."

Kaeya laughed at his comment and smiled after hours of not having any expression on his face.

"Sure, whatever you say." A hint of sarcasm rang in his tone between laughs.

–

It had gotten dark. The captain was sitting next to Venti and Rosaria in the Angel's share tavern as they happily shared glasses of wine.

Diluc was on duty tonight, Kaeya can bet his brother smiled several times during the conversations between them, even if he did his best to hide it.

“- and then I said hey how about we do a dance competition? Turns out the guy was a professional dancer. I felt totally humiliated, I only know how to sing and I suggested a battle from a field I wasn't even familiar with…”

Venti was recounting one of his countless stories, this one has particularly elicited several laughs from the four of them because of the level of stupidity. Even Diluc had shaken his head with a smile several times.

“You are a fool. Were you at least drunk?" Diluc had already joined the conversation, they welcomed him with smiles on their faces.

"That's the worst part, I hadn't had a single drop of alcohol…" Diluc's look conveyed pure disbelief as Kaeya and Rosaria laughed at their friend's experience.

"Unbelievable." The bartender sighed and began to clean a glass that was dirty on the bar.

Kaeya took a sip of his drink as he watched as the bard and his brother argued over each other's stupidity.  Rosaria laughed to herself and placed her empty glass on the table before getting up from her seat.

"I'll be on my way, see you later idiots." There was a hint of warmth in his tone that Kaeya was probably the only one to notice. They happily said goodbye to Rosaria and finally the nun had already left the tavern.

From there they continued to have casual conversations again, Venti already seemed drunk and at some point in the night he had left, leaving a cold breeze in the air. The tavern began to slowly empty out, but Kaeya and Diluc remained in their places.

They got into the habit of staying alone in the tavern on nights when Diluc was on duty. They talk about their day since the two of them are usually quite busy for casual talks, it is difficult for them to find a space in their schedules to rest, the nights in the tavern were perfect.

The tavern was practically empty now and the two brothers were still there. Kaeya watched as Diluc finished cleaning the last of the dirty glasses as he recounted past experiences with particularly strange domains.

In the middle of his story, the wooden door creaked when it was opened, and the two adults turned around in surprise at the cause of such action.

"Kaeya, Master Diluc, good evening. I hope I haven't interrupted anything."

She was one of his childhood companions, and even best friends with both of them previously. Diluc was surprised to see her in his tavern at this hour, if it was someone else he would have already yelled at them that they were closed, but the second their eyes met, his frown had vanished.

"Jean? What a surprise, what is the reason for your visit?"  It was Diluc who spoke after her. The brothers noticed that the grandmaster looked upset and serious, which is strange since she usually has a pleasant demeanor in the presence of the two of them.

"I'm here for Kaeya."

The just mentioned could feel a shiver run down his spine.

He tried to compose himself, gave a small smile and began to try to defuse the situation.

"What 's wrong? I was here in the tavern with Diluc the whole time."

"Something wrong is going to happen if you continue with that attitude." Jean's expression did not waver and she stood strong as a wall. She moved closer to Kaeya and stared at him.

"Albedo told me about your situation a few hours ago."

They caught him. He will have to talk to a certain alchemist about keeping his mouth shut.

"Oh but it wasn't anything serious, just a bit of weakness that's all…"

"What situation?" he had forgotten that his protective brother was in the same room.

Kaeya turned his eyes to Diluc feeling cold sweat break out on his forehead. He swallowed hard and braced himself for the worst, but his smile continued at his position.

"Nothing you need to worry about brother, I felt a bit of discomfort in a certain part of my body, don't worry-"

"Oh yeah, a little discomfort you say? To the point of not even being able to utter a word?" At this Kaeya fell silent not knowing where to look.

Diluc put the last glass he was cleaning on the table and looked slightly open-mouthed at Kaeya. He felt so bad seeing his brother in this condition.

"Is this true Kae?" Diluc's voice felt like knives in his heart a thousand times worse than the pain of a few hours ago.  Kaeya didn't get a chance to reply as when he opened his mouth to do so Jean had beaten him to it.

"Yes, completely true. What if Albedo wasn't there with you Kaeya? There was hardly anyone around, something worse could have happened."

"Well, how was he supposed to know I was going to have an attack of pain in my chest, hm?"  Kaeya was finally able to speak after the two cornered him, now he was going to defend himself. "I was just relaxing near the fountain and getting some fresh air. Forgive me if that's not allowed these days."

As he said this he had formed his left hand into a fist and rested his elbow on the table so that he could rest his cheek on his hand. Then he let out a small annoyed sigh and averted their gaze completely.

"You would have at least warned." Jean replied, crossing her arms.

"I didn't know that now I have to warn you when I'm going to the bathroom or the garden." Kaeya countered.

"The guards at the entrance claimed not to see you. Reporting that you jumped out of the window of a two-story building seems more interesting than going to a bathroom, don't you think?

"You jumped out the window? what- Kaeya what were you thinking?" The concerned brother spoke.

They cornered him once again. Kaeya didn't know what to say. Damn useless guards, now he can say he agrees with Diluc for the first time.

His eye travels around the tavern until it comes to the two concerned and upset adults. He leaves his relaxed and bored position and places both hands on the table.

"Look, I've practiced jumping out of windows before, it's nothing new." Both of their gazes were on him. "They diagnosed me with a rare disease, okay good for them. It doesn't make any difference to my life."

"Certainly Kaeya has been the more agile of the two, he managed to make it out the window without getting hurt…" Diluc was now looking at Jean. He has taken on the role of being his protective older brother and started defending Kaeya from the woman's furious gaze. Then he continued:

"...Although that doesn't justify his actions which are definitely inappropriate..." He glanced briefly at Kaeya silently telling him not to do it again. "He isn't hurt and now he's fine, what's the problem with that?" he continued to look at Jean.

Jean's face became pure disbelief, she looked at Diluc as if he had grown another head.

"The problem is that he is sick." Jean raises her hand and points at Kaeya who was watching silently. "No one understands the seriousness of this situation?"

"Jean, calm down, everything is fine. Kaeya said his illness is out of risk and nothing to worry about. He will be fine when they find a cure, right?"

Oh shit.

Kaeya's chest sagged.

He forgot that he had invented that. Diluc doesn't know the whole truth.

He really screwed up, didn't he?

A small silence abounded in the tavern. Jean slowly turned her head to Kaeya even more furious than before and he felt himself shrink before her eyes. Diluc looked at the little situation in confusion and began to wonder in his mind the reason for the sudden silence.

Kaeya felt his heavy breathing and the sensation of an anxiety attack in his chest slowly beginning to bloom.

After a few seconds that seemed like hours, Jean turned her gaze to a rather confused Diluc who was about to ask about her reaction.

"Diluc, you don't understand anything."

"Wha- what do you mean, Jean? That's what Kaeya told me, he's out of the woods and-"

"He fucking lied to you Diluc!" Jean raised her voice gradually and stared at Diluc with wide eyes that were beginning to glaze with tears.

"Huh? what? w-what's going on? Kaeya?" Diluc cast an anguished look at his brother who could only sink further into his seat and look down at the floor in regret.

Kaeya began to feel his own eye fill with tears.

"His illness has no cure for God's sake! He needs a fucking heart transplant!" Jean continued to raise her voice, at this point tears were already running down her cheeks.

Diluc exchanged glances with Jean and Kaeya, even more confused and not believing what Jean had just said. He felt his own spirits drop in a few seconds and hearing Jean practically screaming with tears in her eyes that Kaeya had no hope of life made him feel sick.

"Kaeya? Tell me that's a lie."

He lifted his gaze from the floor and locked on Diluc's.

"Kae...?"

He began to cry.

Chapter Text

All eyes were on him as salty tears inevitably ran down his face without his permission. He tried to clean them quickly but was useless, the others had already noticed his weakness and the tears wouldn't stop coming even if he wanted to.

Not wanting to look more pathetic than he does, he prevented with all the strength he had left in his body from letting out any sobs. Now all that was left was a man crying in miserable attempts not to make a noise with his mouth.

He saw pitying looks directed his way and closed his eyes to avoid the entire scene as he bit his lower lip.

Jean's expression relaxed almost immediately at the sight of Kaeya crying. She was furious and shocked by it all, her own tears also continued to roll down her cheeks, but the deep frown that was on her face was completely removed, replacing it with a face of realization and sorrow.

Diluc was speechless. His brother's tears verified Jean's words and he didn't want to put it through his head. He just got his brother back, he can't lose him.

But this time he would lose it forever.

"I…"

Jean was the first to break the silence and do something.  She raised her arm and rested it on the back of the blue-haired man who was letting more tears fall.

"I'm sorry I…I didn't mean to be so harsh…I'm sorry Kae." The words seemed to have softened Kaeya's heart further because a weak sob escaped his lips as he listened to his friend.

Diluc at Jean's voice seemed to come back to reality. He looked at his brother crying and quickly jumped over the bar to be next to him and wrap his warm arms around Kaeya's body whose cries increased as he felt the warmth that Diluc provided.

One hand reached the bottom of Kaeya's head to hold him down and the other hand was on his back as he hid his brother's face protectively on his chest.

"Okay, don't worry, we'll find a way to solve this.." The older brother began to whisper comforting words to calm his younger brother.

Since the death of his father, Diluc does not consider himself the human most capable of comforting people since he did not have anyone during that process.

It feels like his abilities to help another person in an emotional sense died along with his father that day, just like the pure soul of his body.

But he still tries. Not for him, not for his father, but for Kaeya. His brother. Diluc is aware of how strong he is and has been Kaeya, he thinks that now it is his turn to take his role as older brother again and fight against Kaeya's demons and not against him.

They held each other for a while, at one point Kaeya had clung to Diluc's jacket like a lifeline. His chest felt wet from his brother's tears but he thinks he's fine, it's not what he should worry about right now. From the silence that filled the tavern, Diluc assumed that Kaeya had calmed down.

"I need you to tell me the truth." Diluc said in a calm tone with no venom in his words.

He didn't get an immediate response. Kaeya slowly backed away from Diluc's arms and wiped his one visible eye. They stared at each other and Kaeya sighed as he closed his eye, looking more tired than he already did.

"I went to the cathedral for a pain in my chest..." Slowly he began to speak in a slightly hoarse voice from crying. "They said that I had only one hope of survival and that was with a very high-risk operation. A heart transplant."

Diluc watched him intently every second. When Kaeya fell silent at the end, he nodded in understanding and put a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Okay… that's all?"

Kaeya just nodded with a sad look and looked from him to the ground. "I'm sorry I lied to you... I had to tell you the truth but when I looked at you... I just couldn't."

Diluc understood, he is taking the situation calmly like an older brother even if inside his head he is screaming and crying. He is a man who learns from his mistakes, and he promised himself never to lose his sanity again in the face of a big reveal.

He has always been the better of the two after all. Kaeya feels completely useless and numb after this and the fight between him and Diluc years ago.

"It 's fine. Everything will be fine and we will find a solution. I will do my best to keep you safe, brother."

Very surprised, Kaeya looked up to see Diluc properly. He looked totally confused and shocked by just the redhaired's words.

Diluc pursed his lips and could only lament the innocent look of his brother in his mind. It pains him so much to see Kaeya's expression as he simply shows a modicum of understanding that every brother should do in these situations and not an aggressive reaction with killing intent.

Just like on his eighteenth birthday. He got goosebumps at the memory, Kaeya's look of pity almost exactly like when Diluc raised his sword to deliver the final blow.

"Kaeya, I'm sorry, please forgive me…" After the brothers had their conversation, Jean came closer and put a hand on her friend's back again while looking at him sadly. "I wasn't thinking clearly, I… I'm sorry, I'm supposed to be your friend."

"Don't worry, Jean, everything is fine." This already happened to me once, he thought but didn't say it.

Kaeya remembered the day Diluc apologized. Just like Jean, Diluc wasn't thinking clearly and his mind was blinded by the events earlier that day, and the addition of the revelation of Kaeya being a spy for the godforsaken nation made everything worse and unleashed an explosion of pure anger.

But the difference between Diluc and Jean is that the woman didn't hold a sword to Kaeya's throat.

Kaeya thinks he wouldn't blow that big chance twice.

"We will find a solution together." Jean had supported Diluc's words and looked at both of them with commitment. "There must be a cure, we will seek outside help if necessary."

"Yes, I can contact some acquaintances, they have a great deal of knowledge and may be useful."  Diluc continued Jean's idea.

Diluc and Jean continued to brainstorm solutions with each other while Kaeya stayed deep in his own mind and inner thoughts with a lost look.

He knew he was going to get through this. Diluc probably won't sleep for the next seventy hours searching for a cure for his incurable disease. Jean already has a lot of work on her shoulders and the burden of a disease from someone as despicable as him will only give her problems.

He knows that he has an unknown disease. Kaeya is aware of the risk of the operation and the low life expectancy.

And it is so ironic that that's not what scares him.

What he is really afraid of is the treatment. He is afraid that the medicine will make him weaker and more tired. He is afraid that when the disease progresses and the pills have no effect, he will have to remain hospitalized on a stretcher in the cathedral connected to ten machines that constantly sound in his ears like unbearable hammering.

He is not afraid of sickness, or a sick heart. He is afraid that the last version of himself for his loved ones is a dying Kaeya connected to millions of machines who cannot utter a word and cannot move a foot from his place in the cathedral.

He hates to imagine that Klee remembers a sad Kaeya with breathing tubes lying in a place that smells of medicine and death.

What Kaeya wants is for people to remember him as someone who lived. Someone who tried to do something in life, he wants to be recognized for his achievements and not for his appearance and the strange reason for his arrival in Mondstadt.

Kaeya wants Klee to remember him as a hero that even in the last days of his life he is on a picnic with her. Even if Kaeya dies as a sinner with too many secrets buried deep in his mind he wants to at least leave this world knowing that the little spark will remember him as a great person and not a monster.

He wants Diluc to speak of him as his brother proudly on the streets of Mond and not as a disgusting liar. He wants his brother to remember him for his good deeds and not for his selfishness. He wants Diluc to remember him as the younger version of him and not the lying Kaeya of today.

Or that they don't remember him at all, that would be fine with him. May the memories of him be erased from the earth and may his lack of presence be barely noticeable to others. That the only thing that would remain would be his grave buried in the back of the cathedral like any other citizen and that Kaeya was just another cavalry captain.

Whether they remember him well or not at all, he can go in peace. But to be remembered lying on the stretcher for the next few months because of his weakness would be unacceptable. He will not allow that.

He believes that seeing a loved one dying in a room with a constant beep present is the worst memory that can prevail in the memories of those he loves.

The pill capsule somewhere in his pocket feels strange and heavy. He wishes with all his heart never to have to take one of those pills again in the short time he has left to live.

A strange dizziness confused his thoughts. He frowned slightly and felt a stabbing pain in his stomach. Everything was cloudy around him and the conversation between his brother and Jean could be heard in the distance, he couldn't even understand a word that came out of their mouth.

A hand went to his head because of the sudden dizziness and he tried to concentrate on his surroundings, but every second that passed made it even more complicated.

He felt inexplicable pain in his head and stomach, and realizing that at any moment he could fall unconscious he opened his mouth in an attempt to call his brother.

"Diluc… I don't feel well." Even with a pained expression on his face he tried to look towards his brother's direction but his vision was starting to darken as if he was in a tunnel.

He heard the voice of his brother in the distance, he didn't understand what he said exactly but at least he received the signal that he had been heard.

Suddenly his time was up and his body fell forward, Diluc caught him instantly and two voices he no longer recognized sounded in the back of his mind.

His eyelid had closed and everything was completely dark.  He felt hands on his body trying to lift him up and the last thing he heard was his brother screaming his name.

He finally fell unconscious.

Chapter Text

"Diluc… I don't feel well."

The aforementioned turned to his brother with eyes wide in instant concern at Kaeya's words.

His brother looked confused and his gaze was unfocused without looking at any specific point.

"What's wrong Kaeya? Does your chest hurt?" The worried look remained on his expression, but Kaeya didn't seem to hear or understand his words.

When Diluc was about to get a little closer to his brother, he slowly closed his visible eye and fell weak right into his arms trembling visibly.

The older brother decided to act immediately. Seeing that Kaeya was shivering, he took off his black coat and wrapped it around his shoulders. He lifted Kaeya into his arms with one hand at his neck and the other at the bottom of his knees, adjusting into a bridal position for greater comfort between them. He hid Kaeya's head in his chest and instinctively his body began to radiate heat, gradually lessening the shaking that his brother was feeling.

Jean opened the tavern door for him so that Diluc could quickly get out and head for the cathedral. They began to run together through the deserted streets of Mondstadt.  They were grateful to themselves that there wasn't a single soul out there since seeing these two adults running desperately and one of them having the unconscious captain in his arms was certainly a sight they preferred to avoid.

"Can't you heal him on your own?" Diluc asked the woman who looked back at him upon hearing his agitated voice.

"No..." Jean shook her head slightly. She sucked in air and continued to respond to Diluc with a bit of difficulty as her breathing was not the most steady. "I don't think so.This must be something related to his illness, I already tried to cure him on my own but there wasn't an effect."

"Ah…" Diluc had his eyebrows raised and looked away from his brother who had a pained expression with his eye closed. Seeing that his little brother who frequently refuses to show weakness, is right now with a pained expression looking small in Diluc's arms, his own heart had sunk miserably.

His eyebrows arched, he hugged Kaeya as close as he could and adjusted the coat he'd wrapped him in moments ago knowing that it probably wouldn't ease the pain but the cold Kaeya was suffering from.

They continued to run without stopping at any time, Jean watched as Diluc took care of Kaeya delicately as if he was the most precious thing in the world even in motion.  She felt guilt rising in her chest, her head filled with possible causes and everywhere her name was written on the list. Perhaps this painful episode of Kaeya was released when Jean's mere presence entered the tavern on a quiet night for the brothers a few minutes ago.

Great behavior from the acting grandmaster. Her captain is suffering, in agony of pain and it's all her fault. Wow what an amazing leader she is.

"Don't be hard on yourself, this isn't your fault." They were already near the cathedral, currently going up the stairs. Diluc didn't look at Jean this time but she looked at him in surprise. "You said it, it has something to do with his heart. Physically, not emotionally."

Jean looked up at the stairs they were going up with a scared expression, looking unconvinced by Diluc's words.  She knows it well, if she hadn't come first Kaeya will now continue his talk with Diluc. Jean has stolen so many moments from these two and is still continuing with the story.

"His heart is weak. Any kind of damage is going to affect him, emotionally or physically." She answered him in a low voice, this time taking her eyes away from Diluc's face and trying to avoid the other's expression.

Diluc has been through a lot, but if you look and find his eyes, you can feel that shine of innocence and purity that he once shone when he was little. Now it is scarce, almost nil, but the brilliance is still there, only for the eyes of those who know how to search.

"Kaeya can handle this." Diluc knows that a highly dangerous disease cannot be cured so easily, he would be blatantly lying if he said that he does not have a deep fear for his brother's future.

But their father didn't teach him how to fight. He taught them to resist and to last. Diluc frowned and continued to stare straight ahead.

"He is a Ragnvindr."

 –

The doors of the cathedral opened with a loud crash that filled the entire room. The people who were there, mostly nuns and healers, turned around in terror at the interruption of their peaceful night.

Noticing who the people who had broken the silence were, they immediately prepared themselves. Some of them approached the three adults to help them.

"Has the condition worsened??" A healer who knew about Kaeya's current condition arrived, his face showing complete confusion. "This shouldn't be happening, it's too early. Let's get him on a stretcher, quick."

The other two did not object and led Kaeya to where the healer was leading them. They quickly reached a private room, the healer pointing to the stretcher before walking over and helping Diluc lay down an unconscious Kaeya while the other helpers prepared the room for the patient and some healing materials that will be useful in the procedure.

The healer put his hands to work, began to check vital signs such as heart rate and pulse that measures the speed with which the heart beats, the temperature that his body radiated, and the respiratory rate.

A few helpers had come over to lend the healer a hand after they'd finished setting up the tools, but another headed straight for the two adults who were looking on impatiently with broken and worried expressions.

"I ask you to please leave the room." The helper that had approached said.

Diluc frowned and looked directly at him. "I'm not moving from here until I make sure Kaeya is okay."

Jean was in conflict, she also wanted to know the current status of her friend and she felt the need to stay with Diluc and support him, but their presence there was useless and they were even considered hindrances.

"Master Diluc, it is necessary that you leave, we will give you the results when we have them in our hands..." The assistant seemed not to give in but even so he did not muster the courage to speak authoritatively with a man who was much taller and more powerful than him.

"Is Kaeya out of danger?"

"We don't know yet, and to find out we need your cooperation-"

"I'm not leaving. I have to see that my brother is safe."  The taller one interrupted, furrowing his already deep frown at him.

The other man tried to get a little closer to make Diluc back but failed miserably, trying to push a person who carries a sword almost his size and quite heavy is not an easy task.

Diluc sensing his intentions glared at him and growled at the shorter man as he crossed his arms. This complicated things for the assistant.

"Enough." The two men turned towards the female voice.  Jean with an authoritative position watched with a serious face and a slight frown placed on her forehead. "We'll leave the room."

Jean felt a look of betrayal on her back as she turned and started to walk out of the room. The other man took a few seconds to follow her and finally the door to the room where Kaeya was being treated had closed with a loud click. Diluc grunted to himself at this sound, imagining a smug smile from the assistant he was arguing with.

"I can not believe it." Diluc muttered with a devastated expression. The frown was still on his face, the effect of adrenaline began to reduce bringing the consequences of tiredness in turn.

"We'll hear from Kaeya in a bit, you'd better sit down." Jean had said when noticing the tiredness of the red-haired man pointing to a bench that was a few steps away from them.

Diluc looked at her as if his frustration didn't seem to dissipate right now. "We have to go back inside. Demand answers. You can't tell me you're not worried."

The man looked at her accusingly expecting an immediate response. "I'm worried, of course I am. But to get answers we have to wait for the professionals to do their job."

Jean walked over to Diluc and put a hand on his back to slowly guide him to the seat. The taller one gave in to his intent and began to walk where he was being led, his frown relaxing as they got closer to the bench. It was completely gone by the time they sat down, replaced by an even more tired expression.

"I don't understand." His gaze was blank, refusing to look at Jean.

"I didn't get it the first time either." The woman who had not moved away from his side had answered.

"How come you stay like this?" Diluc closed his eyes, sighing as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. "So…calm, after all?"

Jean looked at him carefully, no longer knowing if they were talking about past or current events. Perhaps Diluc wasn't referring to Kaeya's condition.

"Did you forget what happened a few minutes ago in the tavern?" She said, feeling guilty for the decisions she had made. She too closed her eyes and gently shook her head. "I'm not who everyone wants me to be. At the end of the day, Kaeya and I are somewhat alike."

Diluc opened his eyes and finally looked at her. In his face she could see the questions he wanted to ask, but he chose to just silently observe Jean's face.

Seconds of silence passed as Diluc thought about what he would say. "Is it selfish to feel a little relieved?"

Jean looked at him confused but instead of judging she just showed pure interest. "Why do you feel that way?"

Diluc looked away into space again, avoiding the woman. "For not being me who yelled at him this time."

A new silence abounded between the two. They were sitting right next to each other but they felt distant. Jean shared Diluc's vacant gaze, staring at the floor or a wall not paying attention to their surroundings but to their more personal thoughts.

"I felt the same way the night I saw him drenched in blood on my doorstep."

Their words were like blades being exchanged, but the two of them knew better that they were just understanding each other.

 –

A ray of morning sunlight made its way through a window that covered half the glass with a white curtain without feelings, reaching directly to the face of a sleeping captain.

The presence of discomfort on his eyelid made him frown slightly. His head turned to the side in an attempt to avoid the contact of light but it was too late, he was already awake and he couldn't find the comfort to go back to sleep.

With an annoyed groan, Kaeya began to slowly open his eye, welcoming him into a neutral white setting with no decorations.

His gaze drifted to the machines off to the side, beeping a constant annoying sound but one that hadn't been noticed until he had deigned to open his eyelid.

From the light reflecting off the window he could tell for himself that it was part of the morning or noon. He began to sit up at a slow pace, anticipating any pain or injury he might have gotten.

He did not remember exactly why he was in the cathedral, but for clear events it must be due to an injury.

But when he managed to sit up, he didn't feel any physical pain. He carefully checked his body and still didn't find any bandage, wound, bruise or even a small scratch.

Kaeya looked out the window wondering what the others were doing instead of worrying about his current state. He thought about getting up from the bed to find someone who could give him answers, but just as he started to lift the white sheets, the door to the room had opened.

"Oh captain Kaeya, you're finally awake." The healer who received them the night before was walking in with some papers in hand. He adjusted his glasses and closed the door behind him. "How do you feel?"

"Confused. Why am I here?"  Kaeya watched as the healer approached, standing next to the stretcher.

The healer muttered rather to his own thoughts and wrote something down on the papers he held in his hands. "Memory loss, confusion…mh, I see."

"Captain Kaeya, you are here for an alcohol consumption with painkillers in your system."

The captain looked at the other man without really understanding the situation. "I don't remember taking any painkillers and I-…"

Kaeya was about to mention that he hadn't had any alcohol during the day either, but small fractions of what he went through earlier began to come like thousands of photos straight into his mind.

"Nevermind.." Kaeya frowned in confusion and looked at the window. The healer seemed to understand what had happened so he continued.

"Certainly from our analysis, you have consumed two painkiller pills and then a few glasses with a fairly high alcohol content." While he explained he reviewed the previous papers that were at the bottom of the other papers.

"If you have a couple of drinks in the space of six or seven hours, it could lead to an increase in the blood levels of some medications, increasing the possibility of side effects."

"And from the data I mentioned earlier, beverages with a higher alcohol content are the ones that have the most interaction with medications." The healer went on to talk about painkillers and the effect mixing it with alcohol had on his body.

At one point in the conversation Kaeya lost himself and pretended to be paying attention by nodding his head from time to time and making approving noises with his mouth.  He had just woken up and an information bomb like this didn't want to be processed right now.

He really wants a coffee right now.

"Are you listening, captain?"

"Of course, I have understood every detail. No more alcohol with painkillers, I got it." Kaeya smiled at these words and the healer just looked at him.

"You need more rest and be more careful. This reaction is unusual due to your chronic alcoholism. Alcohol stimulates the enzymes in such a way that the body generates a greater quantity, therefore this situation means that given the dose you took, the effect must be less.

"And what does that mean?"  Kaeya's smile faltered for a moment but didn't go away. The healer himself seemed confused by the data and information about him.

"It means your body isn't acting like it should." He explained in shorter words. "We think your heart has something to do with this."

"How does my heart affect all of this?"

"When you ingest medications, they pass from the digestive tract into the blood and from there to the sites where they have their effect." The healer placed a thoughtful hand on his chin. "But, we need more studies, I can't confirm anything yet."

"Oh sure." The captain didn't know how to respond so he opted to just look at his hands as they tangled in the pale sheets.

"Are you okay, captain?"

He does not know it. Not only since he found out about his condition, but since forever he doesn't know how he feels.  Empty, maybe. Lost, probably. Simple words were not capable of relating feelings that neither he himself can digest nor express with certainty the emotions of his entire life.

Kaeya is someone. He doesn't know how to describe himself nor does he know what he really looks like. Kaeya is someone who is broken just like his future. Kaeya is someone he thought he could do on his own but actually deep in his mind he knows he can't with his shattered hands and tired body.

The paths are many, but the destination is only one.  Which one should he take? Never mind, the intended end awaits him with open arms regardless of whether he takes a shortcut or not. It doesn't matter if he decides to make a decision before, the rest of his life he has left is an entire period where he can decide what to do.

Or even decide nothing. Whether or not he makes a decision will not affect his judgment but of others.

Will a dead person care how people would be affected?

Sense does not have. Interpretation has thousands. Diverse minds and insightful eyes will understand. Observing something for its true nature is difficult and even almost impossible, or have you ever seen something true and not affected by a pin?

Humans are not exceptions, moreover, they are the most affected. The injured bring with them the consequences that affect others, thus carrying even more consequences, causing an endless chain reaction where everyone is involved and the small positive values obtained are almost nil and never appreciated.

Appreciation is something that no one usually appreciates, ironically. And it hurts to know that seeing the end of your road makes you begin to really appreciate things.

But Kaeya doesn't know the concept of appreciating, even standing right at the end of the road.

Because he doesn't try to pass the exit door, he tries to dig under his feet.

"I'm perfectly fine." Between the deep dark thoughts of him, he managed to maintain a smile that he has always occupied in weak moments.

Showing yourself vulnerable is the worst mistake you can make, and he understood that when he walked off the cliff of death countless times.

"The day is beautiful, don't you think?"

He hasn't even left the room to see the day.

Chapter Text

The cathedral room had been left empty once more except for a soul inhabiting the single stretcher. The excess of silence led strange thoughts to abound in the afflicted mind of the captain who looked with a lost expression towards the window.

It didn't make any sense to look in that direction since it was hidden by white curtains that barely let in the small rays of sun that had interrupted the captain's sleep a few moments ago.

He would like to see something. The sky accompanied by some fluffy clouds, birds flapping their wings constantly in a frequent rhythm to make their way to freedom, the statue of Barbatos in the middle of the city posing like the God he was…

Anything, but his eyes only found a white cloth getting in the way.

He could just get up from the stretcher, now having confirmed that he didn't have any injuries that he can open with a little movement, but just the thought of getting up made him mentally exhausted.

He tried to encourage himself internally to take one foot out of the sheets and step on the cold ground provided by the structure of the cathedral, but each thought died, bringing with it tiredness.

He closed his eye and sighed heavily, letting his head fall into his hands, covering his eyelid from the scant reflections of natural light that at this time in his life caused him pain and discomfort.

After twenty minutes, he never got out of his bed.

"Kaeya? Are you awake?"

A male voice was heard from behind the door of the room that the healer had decided to leave closed once he had left. Kaeya quickly looked up at the sound, lowering his hands from his face to rest them on his legs trying to imitate a more relaxed position upon hearing that the sender of this voice was his brother.

"Yes… you can come in"  Kaeya finally answered him after a few seconds. The door slowly opened, revealing the striking red hair of Diluc who walked in looking around the room curiously like a child.

"Hey.." Diluc began to inspect the entire room more carefully with his eyes, he greeted kindly in a soft tone, expressing the same feeling with his gaze that is usually intense and penetrating.

"It's a bit dark here…" Diluc mentioned in a low voice and looked at the closed curtains. He reached over to open them, brightening the room a bit more and fulfilling Kaeya's silent wish.

"How are you?" Kaeya responded with a small smile as he watched his brother had a smile on from finishing the task of lighting up the room. He started to walk over to his side of the bed.

He let out a small laugh and slightly shook his head. "I should be the one who asks."

Diluc raised a hand and placed it on the forehead of his brother who looked at him confused. Sensing Kaeya's temperature, he made an approving sound with his mouth and pulled his hand away from him.

"In the night you got a fever. I see it went down gradually, you were boiling."

"Fever? From some analgesics mistakenly mixed with alcohol?" Kaeya asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Mhm, your condition affected it in some way." He answered him looking like he had something on his mind. He took a chair next to him and pulled it over to Kaeya's bed, sitting next to him.

"Speaking of your condition…"

Kaeya already knew what this conversation was going to be about.

Diluc seemed hesitant, he began to think about his words and broke eye contact, looking anywhere but into Kaeya's shadowy eye.

"Do you remember anything that happened yesterday?" He started with a simple question.

Kaeya had a long period of time to think after the healer left the room, his memory is totally clear.

"Yes, I do."

"I think we should talk about it. You know..."

"Talk about what?" Kaeya knew exactly what Diluc was referring to.

"About your condition, Kaeya. This is no time to dodge conversations you knew would eventually come."

"I'm not dodging."

Finally Diluc looked directly at Kaeya again, as if he already had the entire conversation planned inside his head.

But Diluc forgot that Kaeya has practiced that mechanism all his life.

Diluc also forgot that Kaeya is a liar, it doesn't matter if their bond is restored and better than before, Kaeya will never stop lying. Even if it's his brother.

"What about my condition? I think I remember explaining the most relevant points yesterday."

"Yes, yesterday. Even that your illness was discovered who knows how long ago."

Kaeya glared at him. "How can you be so sure of that?"

"I had a conversation with Jean."

"Well, I'm aware that I waited a bit longer, but you can't say I didn't tell you. I even told you the day after when I found out myself."

"You said you were out of the woods." Pain crossed Diluc's gaze for a moment. "You said you'd be fine."

"You would have done the same."

"Done what?"

"Lying for the family." Kaeya answered without hesitation, completely sure of his answers and ignoring the agony in his brother's eyes.

He can't be weak, not now.

"You didn't lie for the family. If you really cared you would have told me."

"Are you implying that I don't care about you?" He raised a questioning eyebrow with a cold look carved into his face.  "After everything I did for you? For us?"

"I'm not saying you don't care about me, if you wanted to protect me you would have told the truth and not lied like you did when dad was alive." Diluc's weak expression had vanished as a frown returned to his forehead.

Kaeya looked at him in surprise, both of his eyebrows raised and his eye slightly wider. Diluc pursed his lips and seemed to want to take it back.

But he didn't.

"I thought we were past that stage already." Kaeya's voice gradually lowered, but still kept his cold posture.

"And I thought we agreed not to keep any more secrets."  Diluc counterattacked.

"Harmful secrets. Not the ones that you kept to protect an older brother who would do anything to save my life, even risking his own."

"And what did you expect to do next? Have excruciating chest pain for the rest of your life and pretend you don't have a highly dangerous disease in your body? That was your plan?"

"I have kept a secret for over sixteen years, I think I know very well how to fake a normal life."

"You were keeping a secret where your life wasn't at risk."

"Oh yeah? Search inside your mind, Diluc. Did you forget what was the first thing you did when I decided to tell you the truth?"

Diluc felt a bullet go through him that took his breath away for a few seconds. His hands on his legs clenched the fabric nervously, he remembered how his own hands had personally attacked Kaeya that night and felt disgusting.

His gaze began to slowly lower to his legs where his fingers met. He turned his trembling hands over and looked at his palms drenched in blood. He felt his mind take him back to that day where Crepus died and raised a sword against Kaeya.

Kaeya's intentions to attack were completely suppressed when he saw how his brother didn't take his anguished gaze from his visibly shaking hands. His cold and annoyed expression quickly changed to one of concern.

"Diluc?" He could swear that the Diluc sitting right next to him was not the unflinching adult he is today but the little boy he used to be before the tragedy that all of Mondstadt knew.

"Oh no Luc I'm sorry I- I didn't mean-" Kaeya tried to reach a hand towards his brother's cheek but he quickly got up from his seat, dropping the chair.

"I have to go" Diluc didn't even look at Kaeya and didn't let him speak either, seconds later he had already left the room with unsteady but hurried steps.

Kaeya was left alone again but he deserved it. He himself chased away his brother, just like that day where Diluc decided to leave the nation without his vision.

All of that had been Kaeya's fault.

It doesn't matter how hard they try. How much he tried. He will always end up alone because of his own actions, driving loved ones away from him.

He thinks it's for the best. If Diluc gets mad at him, he'd do all the hard work for him. Diluc would no longer risk his life to find a cure for his heart and it won't affect him when he has to leave.

His eye looked out the window. Moments ago he wanted the curtains open, but now he wanted the fabric to block his view completely, darkening the room.

The natural light bothered him, but what he found most annoying right now was his despicable life.

He too would like something to hide him. A grave would be enough to sate his sick, empty heart.

The only thing he can think of now is where he would hide his body from the cruel world around him. His weary gaze lowered and he looked down at his worn hands.

He felt weak. Maybe he was after all. But at the same time he was relieved.

Relieved that he didn't have to plan anything and just keep breathing until he didn't.

For years the sharp weapons hidden in his room welcomed him with open arms every day when he entered his house.

Now he won't need to use them.

 -

"You'd better keep an eye on him, Master Diluc. He was lucky to survive, but next time, he won't come out unscathed."

Diluc simply nodded his head at the healer's warnings. When he had dashed out of Kaeya's room a moment ago, this man had found him and started talking to him.

Anger boiled through his veins, he fears that if he opens his mouth he will say something wrong. That night where he fought with his brother, he said many things because his anger could not be controlled.

His mouth stayed shut and he took a deep breath. His fists clenched aggressively, depositing all the rage in his fingers that clenched his palms. He pray that the healer has not realized his current state

After getting no response other than a short, simple nod, the healer continued, "His vitals are stable and he's out of risk. We'll keep him under observation until tomorrow."

"Good."  Diluc answered between his teeth.

"Well, with nothing more to report, I'm leaving. We'll see each other another time, Master Diluc." The other man briefly bowed his head and finally left Diluc alone, who did not hesitate to walk with hasty steps towards the exit.

His first thought was to go to Dawn Winery to lock himself in his office for the rest of the day, refusing any type of visit, but in his current emotional state, it would be difficult for him to control himself until a walk of more than half an hour.

Completely eliminating the idea of leaving Mondstadt, he preferred to go to the tavern that was currently closed at the request of the owner due to the events of the previous night.

From the speed with which he was walking, he quickly reached the tavern's creaking wooden door, opening with an impatient push.

When the door was closed, he leaned his full weight against it. He closed his eyes and raised his head, letting out a sigh that he had saved hours ago from tension and stress.

The only thing he could hear was his own breathing, calmly trying to inhale the oxygen, stored for a few seconds in his lungs and then letting it out. He repeated this procedure several times, just as he was taught how to calm down at times when his emotions were too much.

But then his mind stopped working, and his body moved on its own.

Leaving the door and approaching the shelf full of bottles, sounds of glass breaking in unison filled the room.

Multiples of drinks shattered and stained the usually gleaming wooden floor with its liquid. Even some dishes were also broken.

Well-ordered stored glasses and cups were roughly grabbed and thrown towards the walls imitating the noise of already broken bottles. The inn was completely emptied, all the glasses or bottles that were on it were wildly thrown towards the floor and walls, breaking instantly.

When his furious gaze swept the room and found no more delicate items to break, he headed for the high chairs that rested behind the bar. He kicked and pushed them, abandoning the usual position that the four wooden legs always maintained.

Finally, with the chairs on the floor and millions of shards of glass everywhere mixed with alcohol, the only thing he heard again was his ragged breathing.

He tried to calm down, his gaze was on a fixed point without yet analyzing what he had just done. His chest heaving up and down, he felt his heart pumping so hard he felt his ears pounding.

Minutes passed, Diluc felt his breathing stabilize as the seconds ticked by and his heart calmed in his heaving chest. He closed his eyes and sighed again, letting go of remnants of stress, only this time he didn't mean to break everything in his path.

A hand went up to his face and he slowly crawled towards his jaw as he took in all the chaos he had just caused.

The sorrow succumbed to him and his body released it like rage, destroying everything around him, which in this case were objects from the tavern.

He was grateful in his mind that he had closed the tavern for the day, it would be horrible to suffer an attack like this in public. And much worse would be to harm someone, damaged objects of his business can be easily replaced, an injured person would be difficult to treat, and his reputation would drop drastically.

A lightweight object fell to the floor full of glass.

He opened his eyes and raised his eyebrows, still with a hand on his jaw. He glanced down and noticed an elegantly wrapped piece of paper with a signature in one corner.

Confused, he slowly bent down to check the paper. He took the object in his gloved hands, taking a closer look at the quality of the paper.

It was a letter signed by someone whose name began with A.

Diluc opened the letter and simply read the first line, forgetting everything written in ink below.

He realized what he had to do now.

Chapter Text

The cold of the mountain instantly hit the system of the red-haired man who was on his way to the camp of the current chief alchemist.

Due to his pyro vision and the usual black jacket he wears, his body stays warm despite the weather. He keeps his sword perched on his back for safety, along the way he has encountered several enemies that he easily defeated, after all, he would rather arrive at the camp unharmed than with a few scratches.

The thick snow is slightly melted under his feet due to the element he carries, wetting his boots with every step he takes. Ignoring the annoying wetness on his feet, he finally reaches a broken wooden bridge that goes straight to Albedo.

He had never personally gone to the place where Albedo conducts his research, but that path was not new to him due to his adventures or missions against the fatuis that usually hide in the mountain. Crossing the destroyed wooden bridge, he simply jumps off and opens his glider with ease, successfully crossing the road.

Once again on the snow-covered ground and his glider stowed, he walks towards his destination hoping to find who he was looking for.

Sure enough, Albedo was standing next to his experiment table writing down some observations of a plant above ground. Diluc walks further into the camp and decides to announce his arrival so as not to scare the chief alchemist.

Diluc opened his mouth and said, "Albedo, I hope I'm not interrupting something of importance." 

The aforementioned turned, putting the experiment aside as he noticed the presence of someone else. "Master Diluc, I was not expecting your visit, to what do I owe your presence?"

Albedo's eyes shifted to the sword on his back, he doesn't trust him despite his reputation and for him to come to his workspace where no one would hear him shout is alarming to the chief alchemist. He narrowed his gaze slightly and returned to Diluc's gaze, never letting his guard down at any point.

"Please stay away from formalities, I don't come here to discuss work." Diluc seemed to notice Albedo's subtle gaze and abandoned the sword to provide reassurance. 

Taking a quick breath, Diluc continued; "I believe you are aware about the condition of the cavalry captain."

The other's expression was surprised at such mention. His stiff posture faded and the previous concern was replaced with unease.

"I am slightly informed but not privy to the details." Albedo spoke confidently, waiting for Diluc to provide more information. "Why do you say so?"

"Kaeya's chances of survival are low." He ignored his question and proceeded to explain. "If the medical field can't accomplish much, I was hoping alchemy could."

Albedo felt overwhelmed by Diluc's words. Certainly, he and Kaeya were more than co-workers and the word friends was an understatement. Their relationship with the godforsaken nation strengthened their bond, bringing them closer together. Klee's care certainly helped their friendship. 

And hearing that his friend's life is at risk and that he probably won't make it through brings up feelings never before absorbed; A genuine concern about losing someone important.

The blond hesitated for a moment from the blow to his brain, his gaze drifting to the ground. "Alchemy is an impressive science capable of coming to fantastic conclusions due to its relation to different fields of research."

He continued, "I had certainly noticed a pain deep in Kaeya's heart, I never thought it was something more serious. I punish myself internally by not performing some action even knowing the curse of his heart."

Diluc knows best about regretting one's own decision. "You can reward him by helping him. It is not too late."

After a pause, Albedo looked up and looked at Diluc with a twinkle in his eye. "You are right, Master Diluc, alchemy can help."

The red-haired man's eyes widened hopefully, letting out a small smile. "Enlighten me, then."

"Allow me to explain a story of an artificial being capable of creating life with his hands, living with a heart of his own creation."

-

The cavalry captain had been released from the hands of the healers, allowing him to return to work as he was stable again. He was currently immersed in paperwork in his office as Jean did not feel it was right for him to do field work. The healer agreed with her.

His desk was filled with countless papers, Kaeya could not even be seen sitting in his chair because of the mountains of reports blocking the view. The pen in his hand moved quickly, writing neat and tidy words in black ink with elegant handwriting. Being off duty for a while he forced himself to work three times as hard as he normally does, he felt completely useless and disposable.

It had been hours since he sat in his chair, the office clock echoed through the walls disturbing the atmosphere. As he worked he had in his mind the discussion he had had with Diluc the day before, none of them had spoken since then. He thought about apologizing to him but no matter how much he searched his mind, he couldn't find why this was his fault if according to his memories, it was Diluc who started to doubt his words, throwing everything about the brotherhood into the trash and forgetting everything they have been through. Perhaps he was selfish, but Kaeya's plan now was to wait for his brother to apologize to him, so he settled back in his seat and cleared his mind to focus on the job at hand.

It began to get dark and the captain continued to be immersed in some reports being far from the reality around him. He had not noticed the time he was at because of his maximum concentration nor had he noticed the absence of sunlight that was previously reflected in the window. Usually when Kaeya was given days off (which are not that frequent) and then he returns to work, he overstresses himself to the point of sleeping consecutive days hunched over at his desk, leaving him with back and neck pain for weeks.

In this case, it wasn't days off because he needed an urgent break, but something terrible had happened that left him on a cathedral stretcher because of stupid actions he himself had unwittingly committed. Now the last thing Kaeya wants is to be seen weak only for a simple and small heart disease with low probabilities of survival, the captain is not made of glass and he will not allow to be treated as porcelain because according to him, he is more than well to continue with his work.

Finishing the report that rested on the desk, he finally rests the pen in the ink bottle as he sighed wearily. He stretched his arms up with his eye closed letting out a small groan as he heard his joints creak, while he had in mind to take a short five minute break. 

Suddenly, a cough appeared in his chest.

He brought his forearm close to his mouth to stifle the cough but it wasn't enough, he felt his lungs choking, giving up all the oxygen he had. His eye closed tightly as he felt the small hint of tears begin to well up, he refused to let them fall. 

The coughing began to get worse by the second and he didn't know what to do. His back arched toward the desk, growing smaller in his seat with each cough his throat released. He opened his eye and frowned, trying to force his body to stop by gritting his teeth hard as one hand went to his neck. The coughing constantly wanted to break free but Kaeya's body fought to hide it. The last thing the captain wanted to do was to add to the worries of others with his endless coughing, he prays that others hadn't heard anything that was going on inside his office.

The hand that was on his neck went to his mouth, his gaze lowered to the floor and he finally closed his eye again as he felt the coughing again. His body shuddered with every movement, feeling shivers run down his spine enveloping him in complete pain. Now the cough was accompanied by small whimpers of pain, managing to look weaker than he already did.

Suddenly, just as the cough had come suddenly, it stopped.

Kaeya's eyelid slowly opened, relaxing his expression. He removed the hand he held to his mouth and looked directly at it, his breath freezing short as he noticed the substance that had stained the glove.

The painful cough of a few seconds ago had caused terrible pain, to the point of spitting up blood. His hand full of blood was now shaking as were his lips which also had a small trail of blood crossing his chin, fear flooded the captain's mind and a single thought lingered in his head.

He is going to die.

-

"This… fellow of whom you speak, is he still alive these days?"

"According to history, his life will be eternal in health terms not counting deaths from war or ensagriment. The artificial heart in his chest has shown no signs of decay in hundreds of years." 

Albedo had finished the story to Diluc who listened intently to every word, being visibly amazed. They were sitting around a campfire in the alchemist's camp as the tale of an artificial being was told, Albedo to a point had been pleased with someone listening to him with such honesty.

"You said it was an artificial being with a heart. Will an artificial heart serve a human like Kaeya?" Diluc asked, looking Albedo in the eyes.

The other man placed a hand on his chin in a thoughtful position. "This artificial being is quite close to a normal human, only it was not born by a mother but was created. Although, it is true that there are no records of an artificial heart transplant into a human body, according to my knowledge it should be possible to perform it without any problem." The hand left his position and continued to look at the red-haired man. "I'll have to do some research on the subject to be sure, it will take me a while."

"Oh." Diluc seemed to give Albedo's words some thought, he hesitated when he spoke again. "How long exactly will you need?"

"I can't assure you of an exact date, but I estimate I'll be busy for no more than a week." 

Diluc's expression gradually improved as he heard this, he certainly wants Kaeya to recover as quickly as possible but a week is enough. But then he remembered that he really doesn't know how much time his brother has left thanks to the little information he has right now. His spirits dropped again.

Albedo noticed the change in the other's expression, letting out a small sigh that only he himself could hear. He was overwhelmed by the whole thing but seeing that Diluc, a relative of Kaeya's, is in front of him having intrusive thoughts, he had no choice but to be the person who would save his life and help the family during this period of time. 

Albedo then decided to comfort the other man. "Don't worry Master Diluc, we will find a solution. An artificial heart so far is the safest and most efficient option thanks to advanced alchemy methods."

The red-haired man looked up, looking at him again, then flashed a small smile. "Thank you, Albedo. I really appreciate all the help provided, it's good to have resolved my doubts about alchemy in this kind of case."

"I'll do my best." he replied with a slight nod. "I won't let Kaeya die."

Chapter Text

The air somehow feels different in the city graveyard, the absence of birds fluttering through the trees and the graying grass underfoot only proves his point.

The day was cloudy, the sky was completely hidden by dark clouds that were about to rain, worsening the mood of most Mondstadt residents.

But for Kaeya, it was just one less day in his life.

He was standing in front of some graves, looking at everyone and looking at nothing. His hair fluttered gently in the worn wind without paying too much attention. The only eye that he has discovered remains fixed in a specific empty space that is separated from the other tombs as it is a free space.

A digging tool lay in the captain's tense grip, ready for use. But the man continued to wait a few more seconds, watching the earth under his feet and the grass move in the wind.

The silence cut him off from everything else, even stopping those little voices that haunted him daily. There was no one in his mind, not even himself, but it wasn't completely blank either. There were only crumbs of memories that were once beautiful, but now only disturb his lack of emotional stability.

So he started digging. Shoulders high in constant movement, the shovel rose and fell, extracting earth and depositing it to one side to form a hole in the ground. The grass had automatically shredded at the man's aggressive digging, dead dark brown had taken the place of the vivid green of nature, and it didn't take long for tears to roll down his cheeks.

His face continued with the same expression as before. Empty. Even if the tears he shed daily were his body's cries for help to release tension and sadness, he didn't allow himself to show any emotion.

Dirt stained part of his outfit, his hands were red and sore, but he never stopped. He continued to destroy what he had in front of him with the shovel, just as he has done before on multiple occasions in his life, since his existence consisted in lying and drowning in his own lies. He has harmed thousands of people with his words without being aware of how he could affect them, thinking of no one. Not even in himself.

But he would do it again. Destroy him, damage him, ruin him deeply, he would do it again, no matter the consequences. He has never cared and neither will he now. It's too late.

A large hole lay among the dead earth, the grass totally removed. Finally, the shovel stopped and was thrown to the ground aggressively, downplaying its condition. At no time did his gaze depart or the tears stop, hands covered in blood and dirt approached his face and forcefully wiped away the tears.

His lip trembled, his body ached to release the anxiety, but Kaeya wouldn't let it, he never did. His breathing was ragged, the air went in and out of his mouth quickly as new tears formed in his eyes.

His whole body was trembling now, the earth was on his skin and clothes but he couldn't care less. His full attention was on the hole that was under his gaze.

The opening he himself had created with his own hands was intended for his sick body and his weary mind.

He had dug his own grave, created his own home.

Relief and anxiety mixed in his cursed heart, and finally, he allowed himself to cry properly.

 -

Albedo transferred the new experiment and research in the lab of the knight's quarters for more convenience and less trajectory when summoning the two brothers. Today, the alchemist was already installed on the second floor, with Diluc as a visitor.

As he arranged a couple of test tubes that were on the desk, Albedo spoke without looking directly at the redhead. "Okay, I think everything is ready, contact Kaeya."

"Uh? Oh yeah, Kaeya, sure, I'll do that…" For some reason, Diluc was nervous to the point of not even hiding it, and Albedo could tell.  "He'll be in his office, I suppose."

"Yes, there are no expeditions or external departures planned, I checked it today." He turned his gaze to the other, who was consciously walking towards the door at a fairly slow pace. "Is there something wrong, Master Diluc?"

As he walked by, Diluc slowly turned his head towards the alchemist. "No, no, not at all… it's just…"

He looked down at his feet in embarrassment and fear, "I haven't spoken to him since a…certain argument."

Albedo couldn't help but look at him wryly.

"Can't you put your differences aside? This investigation is essential for a prosperous future for Captain Kaeya, a small argument is just a simple bump in the road."

The other man closed his eyes briefly and bit his lip.  "I didn't say I wasn't going to talk to him, Chief Alchemist, I'm just thinking of my words so I don't mess it up again."

"Oh alright, make it quick. His life is at stake."  The alchemist's attention was drawn to the test tubes again, allowing Diluc to leave the room with ease.

When he no longer had Albedo's gaze on him, he let out a silent sigh and opened the door to leave the lab, heading directly to the cavalry captain's office with no problem since even though it had been a long time, he still kept the memories of the tours and of his old office.

Ignoring everything that has happened and the betrayal of the knights at a time when he needed support the most, the feeling of being a captain again with no worries other than the duties of a knight and the daily training with his brother felt relatively nice.

When a familiar door was right in front of him, he took a deep breath and he prepared to knock.

In the second where the sound of the door being lightly touched by the redhead's fist, hurried movements and objects falling to the floor could be heard in the room, as if the person inside had gradually become frightened by the slightest sound caused.

"Kaeya? Is that you? Are you okay?"

While on the other side of the door Kaeya closed his eyes and bit his teeth at Diluc's voice. He breathed in as much oxygen as his lungs could take and released it, replacing the annoyed expression with a calm smile. "Yes, it's me. I'll be out in a moment." He said in a mock animated tone.

After those words were mentioned, Kaeya tried to make himself as presentable as possible in such a short amount of time. When he noticed that he had already taken too long, he ran to the door and opened it, finding his brother adjusting his gloves.

As expected, Diluc's gaze swept over Kaeya's entire body as he arched an eyebrow in confusion.  "Is it a bad time…?"

"No, the opposite..." It hadn't been that long since he suffered from a mental breakdown where he started digging a grave that was meant for himself, so his outfit still had red stains and grime painting most of it. "...I have returned from a successful mission, hence the explanation for the ruined state of my precious clothes."

Albedo's words came back like explosions in Diluc's mind upon hearing what his brother said.

"...there are no expeditions or external departures planned, I checked it today…"

But, he decided not to mention it, although keeping it in mind.  "Oh, okay." The eyes went to a ghostly trail of barely visible old tears down Kaeya's cheek. It was not lost on the redhead's sharp gaze.

"First, I'd like to apologize, I shouldn't have left so suddenly that day, even less so when you were in that state…"

Even after years, Diluc's tendencies to walk away and not face consequences remained.

"It's fine, I understand, I apologize for my words too. We both said things that…certainly didn't have the best choice of words…" The blue-haired man replied, relief at not starting another argument, but anxiety that the other ask a question about his current state persists constantly.

, "Judging by your expression, I don't think you're here exclusively to apologize." Actually, the other's expression had nothing to relate to, it was just Kaeya guessing from Diluc's continued actions that started in the past and continues today.

Diluc when he came back, he didn't go directly to apologize to Kaeya after all. He fell silent and just waited for things to get better on their own. Throughout his childhood (and even now) Diluc believes that Kaeya is a professional mind reader. No detail escaped him, it never did.

But Kaeya never took pride in these achievements due to his past. He was forced to take in every little detail and change of expression when he was little, he had grown up with abusers. He was not taught, he was forced to do certain things, and some of them have remained engraved in his memory.

That night when he told Diluc half the truth, he felt his father's savage grip on his shoulder, whispering in his ear with soft but poison-injected words.

"You are our last hope, don't ruin it."

"Ah yes, I would like to have a better conversation about this but we actually have other matters to attend to. Albedo requests your presence in his lab."

Kaeya's eyebrow arched in confusion, "Albedo huh? Okay, tell him I'll be there in ten or twenty minutes."

"It is urgent."

"What could be so urgent that he is so demanding about time? I just need to change my clothes, I can't visit our dear chief alchemist looking like this."

"That doesn't matter now, Kaeya, we need to go. Now." Diluc spoke in a firm but not authoritative tone, appearing serious and tense.

Noticing the other's expression, Kaeya had no choice. "Fine, let's see what Albedo plans, but if he mentions anything about the dirt on my clothes it will be your fault."  He tried to lighten the mood a bit by making some jokes, but Diluc only answered with a slight nod.

Kaeya left his office together with Diluc and they started to walk towards the laboratory which was not that far since the two rooms were on the same floor. Questions did not take long to fill the blue-haired man's mind, that Albedo calls him for an urgent meeting and that his brother is the one who transmitted the message to him is something suspicious.

"Am I allowed to ask questions about it?" He didn't wait for a response from the other and continued; "Why of all people, is it you who was designated by Albedo for the message?"

They did not stop walking and continued at a steady pace. "You'll know when we get there." They reached the other side of the second floor where an elegant door was waiting for them. It was Diluc who walked over and opened it to allow the two of them to enter, being Kaeya who entered first.

The moment Kaeya stepped into the lab, Albedo pushed the lab materials away and gave the newcomer his full attention. "It's good to see you here, Sir Kaeya. We need to discuss some recent issues."

"I can see that, I have been informed that this is an urgent meeting, Chief Alchemist. Please enlighten me." He responded with a confident smile. His gaze went briefly to Diluc, noting that he was still in the room showing no sign of leaving.

"You see, I am aware of your disease that gradually affects your body and that its source of initiation is your heart, an extremely important vital organ. I understand very well that you are not in the best condition and that your life is at risk." Kaeya's smile faltered for a second, already fully understanding what this conversation was about. "I volunteer to at least try to save your heart from this disease."

"I appreciate your intentions and deep concerns, but I have been informed that the only cure for my disease is a heart transplant where life expectancy is less than 5 percent." He slightly shook his head with his eye closed. "I wouldn't want to waste the chief alchemist's precious time looking for a cure that we all know won't be possible to find."

Albedo had preached such a response from the blue-haired man. Even when everyone is aware of Kaeya's short life expectancy and Albedo being the one to personally offer him his help, the captain rejected his help without even considering it.

It's like he's already given up.

But with Kaeya's behavior that has prevailed for years, if you look and show enough attention you will see that he has given up a long time ago, and that every little action he has done was a failed attempt to punish his body in several situations.

It's just that everyone made his self-destructive behavior part of his wild personality but cloaked in his elegance, so everyone thinks it's normal for him and doesn't mention anything at all about how he does things.

And Kaeya takes advantage of that ignorance.

"That is why we seek other means of help with Master Diluc."  Kaeya's questioning gaze automatically returned to his brother. "He went to me to ask for help, it was also he who explained the situation to me in greater depth. Therefore, I feel that I am quite informed about the subject, and of course I understand your concerns due to the words of the healer who treated you. But I'm not a healer, I'm an alchemist. The various endings that this science can reach tend to have satisfactory results, even better when the one who handles this art knows how to use their hands correctly."

He continued, "I know what I'm doing, Kaeya."  The title was removed and Albedo tried to start talking to him like a friend and not as a co-worker. "So please, allow me to be of service to you in the healing process, if the medical field didn't give you too many chances, alchemy surely will." He looked at him completely serious and sure with his words. "... I will do it. "

Albedo's speech ended, Kaeya could only look at him in surprise for a few seconds. The captain's gaze lowered while a hand remained on his chin, analyzing the alchemist's words and thinking of a proper response. Albedo looked at him attentively, waiting for him to agree to the investigation. For a few seconds Albedo exchanged glances with Diluc who looked exactly the same as him, desperately searching for answers.

A small silence was present, nobody said anything to scare the captain and make him back down. They stood watching every movement and slight change in expression, paying full attention to every little detail, trying to read his mind. Even for a few seconds, they felt cold sweat pouring down their foreheads from such an intensity of the situation.

Albedo couldn't live with himself knowing that having the opportunities, tools and knowledge, he let his friend die.

And Diluc couldn't bear another loss, knowing full well that he could have done something if he had just tried harder. The two would blame each other forever, and could only watch as Kaeya slowly died.

Finally, the silence was broken, and the hand that was on his chin lowered him before looking decisively at the two of them. "I've thought about it. I think we have nothing to lose by trying."

The tension melted away from Diluc and Albedo's shoulders automatically, letting them breathe. The blond looked relieved at the captain and delicately took the other's hands, having a dazzling smile.

"I am relieved to hear that you are willing to receive help." He said in a calm tone, still holding the captain's hands together with his. "I will manage to heal your heart."

Kaeya's gaze darkened but a small smile appeared on his face as well. "Thanks again for your help, I appreciate it."

But he didn't want help.

Chapter Text

Albedo held a small tube filled with a thick, red liquid close to his eye so he could inspect the substance while Kaeya looked at the bandage that was tight on his own arm, slightly stained with blood from the extraction a few seconds ago.

"Do you see something strange?" Diluc asked who was predictably still in the room.

"On a cursory glance I don't see anything out of the ordinary, I'll just make a few small samples out of this." Albedo replied without taking his eyes off the small capsule.

The blond approached the table full of laboratory instruments and papers with vague words embedded, he reached with his other free hand a plastic pipette sucking up a few drops of blood and dropped them slowly on a glass slide to then place another small glass on top of the liquid.

He carefully lifted the slide into a microscope. Diluc watched the alchemist's every move, following his gaze as the blond crouched down to look through the microscope while adjusting the vision of the glasses with both hands. Kaeya was still busy sitting there watching the blood scattering on the bandage.

In the following minutes, it was just Albedo delicately observing the blood that was placed under the microscope while the two brothers kept total silence so as not to disturb the alchemist's work.

Until finally, after a time that seemed to last forever for Diluc, Albedo turned off the microscope and slowly walked away from the microscope lens.

"The blood seemed normal to my gaze so we can already rule out some possibilities." He removed the slide and left it on the table, the capsule that still contained a little blood he kept in a small refrigerator to avoid problems. “I will investigate the blood cells further and provide you with a report when it is ready.” Now Albedo's gaze went to the two men.

"Well... I'm relieved to hear that." The most nervous of the three spoke, appearing for the first time that day a bit calm as he ruled out some terrifying endings.

"Okay.." Albedo gave a small nod and took out his notebook, then looked at Kaeya who seemed a bit lost in his thoughts. "Now I will proceed to ask you some questions, I hope you are okay with that.."

"Yes, of course." He answered him as he moved from his seat, staring at the alchemist.

"Let's start with the basics...from one to ten rate your chest pain." A pencil moved closer to the paper prepared to write, Kaeya seemed to hesitate.

"It depends, the pain starts to increase after a few seconds... I'd say a seven..."

Quickly the pencil moved in Albedo's grip. "And when the pain increases?"

"Oh definitely a twenty."

"I see." A few seconds passed without speaking as the blond wrote down the recently given information in his notebook. “How frequent are these bursts of pain?”

“They are quite irregular, one day I am pain free but the next I have more than three attacks.” Kaeya explained briefly, his gaze flicking for a second to Diluc who seemed to want to cry as he listened to his brother's suffering.

"Unpredictable..." Albedo muttered to himself without looking away from his notes. “What about the effect of the pills? Is it immediate or does it take a while to take effect?

“They are immediate, without a doubt.”

"Okay.." The blonde continued writing at full speed, until in a second he stopped. "Do you have the pills with you?"

"Yes, right here." Kaeya reached into his pocket, pulling out the capsule filled with pills and handing them over to Albedo. Kaeya didn't notice a suspicious look from the blond.

The alchemist opened the lid of the capsule and took out a pill, placing it in his palm. "They are quite large, the last time I saw them they seemed a little smaller."

"It must be because of the adrenaline level of the situation that affected your mind, remember that it was a quick action that you did back then." The blue-haired man spoke with a relaxed tone and Albedo decided not to make another accusation.

With his other hand he touched the pill in his right hand and looked at his fingers which were now slightly tinted white as the pills had some sort of powder. With nothing more to say about the capsule, Albedo put the pill back and handed it back to Kaeya without further ado.

The captain and the redhead looked at him as if looking for answers in the alchemist's eyes, he simply wiped the dust off his gloves and returned his gaze to his notes.

When the silence seemed to be endless, Diluc opened his mouth to say something but Albedo beat him to it. "Have you felt any other pain besides chest pain?"

"No I don't think so." The lie felt heavy on his words, the pencil stopped inches from the paper.

"Are you sure? No other pain, or discomfort?" He asked expectantly, delicately observing the other's face.

The blue-haired man took a few seconds to think and then said; "Yes, completely." Albedo continued looking at Kaeya who seemed to be sure of his answer, neither of them blinked or made any unnecessary movement, the alchemist studied the other's face in silence but could not capture anything, Kaeya's expression was totally blank for the years of experience in practice.

Both having forgotten the presence of another person, Diluc stood between the two, watching as they stared at each other for silent answers, the redhead feeling the tension so fresh he could cut it with a knife himself. Albedo took up the words in his notebook but his gaze was still reflected in the deep starry blue.

"..alright.." finally, Albedo gave up the fight of looks, failing to get the desired answers.

The notebook was full of words that neither of them would ever know, just as the investigation could remain for Albedo's eyes only, he firmly believed that the experiment had too many details for the two brothers who don't have any knowledge about alchemy to understand something after all.

Various questions were then asked and also answered with half or complete lies. One thing Albedo was totally sure of was that Kaeya never spoke the truth.

Black words marked with importance were written at the bottom of the page.

'Pain changes people as much as their words.  

The truth never touches their lips.'

––

After a while, Albedo took some notes and checked Kaeya's body to see if there was anything unusual. He made some different samples and gave vague answers to the two men.

At some point, Diluc mentioned his departure due to certain meetings where his presence would be requested, having to prepare in advance.

So, only Kaeya and Albedo remained. The blue-haired man had changed seats, sitting in the only couch that was in the room for greater comfort, in the chair where he was before he was already beginning to feel the secondary effects of a bad position in his back.

Albedo had left him alone for a while, he was no longer looking at or touching parts of his body in an investigative manner, but was instead at the table with laboratory materials reviewing the notes and mixing some substances where Kaeya did not have a single knowledge.

"How are you feeling Kaeya?" He asked suddenly, taking the blue-haired man off guard.

"Fine, why do you ask?"

"You can speak truthfully, I hope you know that." Albedo still didn't turn to look at the other man but inside his mind he wished he could do it all the time.  "I just thought maybe you'd be more comfortable with just the two of us."

Kaeya couldn't help but let out a genuine little laugh.  "You think so? I can't completely deny it, but I couldn't confirm it either."

"Whatever you think, you could talk about it a bit.." Kaeya's silence on these days started to get scary, though he might have his feigned cheerful personality on the outside of him, he doesn't mention anything about his illness at all, it turns out to be creepy. Albedo can feel Kaeya slowly drowning and no one notices enough to care.

"Why do you mention it? Do you really think I'm that desperate in my current situation?" Another small laugh was heard, but it wasn't as cheerful or genuine as the last.

Albedo turned away from his investigation so he could finally look at Kaeya. Meeting glances, the blonde began to approach the chair where the other was and immediately his expression softened. "Yes, I do." He said in a whisper as he was already standing a short distance from Kaeya, admiring the captain's features once he was able to get closer. "You're drowning in your lies."

Kaeya's eyebrows rose slightly and his lips parted for a second, looking helpless. "Why are you saying..?" His tone lowered from him in large amounts just like Albedo's voice.

"Because I feel it in your heart." A phrase already said a few days ago, where their destined souls were found together in the fountain. Albedo removed the gloves he had used earlier for the labware and brought a hand to Kaeya's cheek, cradling him lovingly. "Your heart feels heavy in your empty chest, a huge imbalance that started years ago and hasn't abated."

He got no answers, Kaeya still looking shocked as if a few words from the other had deeply emaciated his soul in just a few seconds. Albedo's hand on his cheek felt like fire burning his skin quickly, but he still didn't move away from him, even as a lump began to form in his throat.

The alchemist continued to gaze at him softly as if he was ingesting all of Kaeya's thoughts with the blink of an eye. "When certain news is heard, it goes straight to the heart, and the body is disconnected from reality having no hope of having a flourishing life." His calm voice filled the room with soft but meaningful words. "Your heart is already broken, and creating new storms every second by keeping your worries to yourself only makes it worse."

Kaeya leaned into the light touch of the other, approaching to his hand, longing to receive more of that heat that hurts so much but at the same time satiates him. "I don't fear death."

"I know, however, are you afraid of living or of life itself?" His eyebrows arched slightly in concern. At no time did his hand release the other's cheek, and when he noticed that Kaeya wanted love, Albedo began to release small caresses with his thumb in the same place. Kaeya always had a tendency to hide even the smallest secret in the back of his mind, even when he was a kid, he always believed that his presence was a hindrance. Maybe if he just kept quiet no one would be mad at him.

Kaeya wished with all his being to be able to receive genuine affection, all his life he has wished for it but he has never granted that wish to his hungry soul due to his internal problems. His mind always seemed to be in turmoil, as if his thoughts are all messed up and not in boxes where he used to keep his secrets, he fears that one day he might reveal something important, like that fateful night. The family love he once had with Diluc died with him that day, even if they think they have regained their bond, nothing feels the same and the affection are just lies covered up with tender and encouraging words.

"I don't know." The deep blue eye darkened. "Maybe both. I'm more scared of staying than leaving. I want my story to end."

"Would you really like your story to come to an end?" The faces of both seemed gloomy, sad for words said and unspoken, fearing for possible future answers. Albedo has never had an illness that affected him so much or a pain that made him think this way, he wants to be able to contribute his grain of sand to Kaeya's healing process, but with this conversation Albedo's body felt that the course of the things will change drastically with just a few words.

"My story already has many pages, and a novel that goes on too long will eventually become boring." Things that go on too long get tiring, Kaeya feels a little pain in his chest start to bloom, but this one is different, he knows it's not caused by the disease. He wishes he could tear out some pages or even burn them forever, but he just can't, as if his mind wants to torture him by keeping the worst memories of his life in a locked drawer to be opened only in moments of loneliness or when he thought his life was just beginning to turn better.

"I would like to read this story, analyze every little detail, observe how the hero of this story has fought since he was born but still triumphs in the end." He almost sounded desperate, but even his tone remained as soft as a breeze blowing through a meadow of flowers colored by the rumble of an orange sunset. Albedo felt that he was just one more flower among the thousands there, however he believed that the blue-haired man was important, someone with thousands of stories with planned sequels and prequels read by no one, stories narrated on his skin and a look by special marks that the cloudy past has left him. He will never understand why Kaeya had such contempt for something so beautiful.

"But I am not a hero. I am empty." His eyes felt moist, not a tear slipped down his touch-hungry cheeks.  "And perhaps the triumphant ending is when this character is gone forever, without looking back."

The silence continued after these words but the gazes remained united at all times, the two began to feel their eyes slowly wet with tears, Albedo's lips pursed and Kaeya's remained in a smooth straight line. The two of them were feeling mixed emotions in their minds but at the same time, they felt an endless emptiness. A damaged and a created heart seemed to perish at a similar rate, but not in the same way.

A little question that in some different ending would have made more beautiful and meaningful sense, and not a question where he fears to hear a gloomy answer; "How have you been sleeping lately?" Albedo's calm tone of voice cracked as he felt his own tears run down his cheeks, watching as the blue-haired man trembled in his delicate grip.

"Peacefully."  He said in a whisper.

And Albedo tearfully began to understand that Kaeya's chest pain was much more than a medical problem.

––

When Kaeya was a child, he used to believe that the sky was nature's open book.

The sky is something beautiful and full of life, it contains different colors depending on the time and different stories embodied in the stars and small aerial animals that have the ability to fly and move through the air freely, as if the sky belonged to them and was theirs home. The faithful accompanying wind from the sky enriches the beauty of the atmosphere, the rebellious leaves fallen from the branches of the trees usually keep the air company but don't usually fly as high as living beings capable of doing so.

And Kaeya has always believed that people never value what they have. Where he lived, heaven did not exist, and only myths and rumors about it were heard among the cursed people as if it were something strange and never seen before.

The stories that were told the most among the darkness of the destroyed nation were that heaven would never abandon souls. No matter if it was day or night, the sky was always there. Even if you try to escape, running as fast as your legs will allow, the sky will not leave its place. And that was scary, the fact that every time you look up the first thing that will be waiting for you will be the sky, it feels terrifying, and even more so when you have never seen it with your own eyes in your life and your imagination is your only useful tool.

Honestly, the first thing Kaeya expected to see when he made it out into the world and faced the dreaded sky, was to feel hidden and trapped within the dark sky. The feel of his lungs breathing fresh air and his chest swelling with the smell of wet earth was what he least expected to find when he stepped foot outside, much less the feeling of liberation despite the situation of him.

People think the sky is a blanket over their head, but he couldn't disagree more. For him, blankets are synonymous with hiding places. When he was little and he was afraid that no one would help him on long nights, he would hide under his blankets to receive the warm and comforting arms of the fabric. Certainly heaven is not a cloth, but he couldn't help but feel a weight in his chest when he listened to adults say their thoughts about heaven, he felt suffocated by the lack of adoration and disinterest, managing to ruin with their words something that is so liberating and perfect in every possible way.

And despite all the countless stories, heaven never left him. When his father decided to put the burden of an entire nation on the shoulders of a child he abandoned in a storm within minutes of the catastrophe, the sky was there. When he managed to have a beautiful childhood thanks to his adoptive father and brother where during the day they enjoyed the air and the grass under their feet and at night they listened to the fantastic stories of his father, the starry sky was there.

And even when Kaeya made mistakes, separated those who gave him a warmth that only family could provide, when he decided to be honest once in his life ruining his brother's status in the process, the sky full of clouds preparing to rain was there.

He no longer knows whether sky frightens him or adores it, all he knows is that the feeling of curiosity and appreciation still lingers in the little remaining pieces of his heart.

The sky is something beautiful and full of life, he repeats. And he feels that he could repeat it as many times as necessary in order to earn a place among the free wind sometimes accompanied by fallen leaves from some trees, the sky during the day being bright and festive, while at night adorned with small twinkling lights called stars, and various species capable of flight; for when his time is up, and his heart stops beating.

Chapter Text

Albedo's promised words were in the process of being executed deep in a messy laboratory.

Days had passed, an exact week, the alchemist was in his investigation that depended on the state of the captain's heart. He didn't feel like a burden, but more like a need.

Hours locked in his own thoughts, various materials and papers crumpled around him, test tubes resting in their respective racks with colored liquids, notes with ideas that might have helped in some way thrown into the trash can but only reached the ground because of the lack of interest of the alchemist to basket the garbage. The first days of research had begun naturally and calmly, the time was well spent but he did not abuse it, the breaks had been necessary and well executed. Even a hot meal was digested at lunchtime.

But now on the seventh day, he was already a mess.

His hands resting firmly on the wood of the desk begin to tremble just as his lips that once in previous days remained in a straight line were now in an agonizing mess as the content in the papers under his uneasy gaze seemed to only make his state even worse. The alchemist's usual neat hairstyle lacked care, a few hairs escaping from his bun and a failed attempt at braids were part of his messy head that craved attention.

His environment was not better, it only expressed how the alchemist felt. The half-closed curtains not even allowing a ray of light to enter the room, dust adorning some elegant furniture, objects lying on the floor or overturned on the tables about to fall to the floor alerting the alchemist and even empty plates from some past meals, forgotten in Albedo's system.

His eyes ran over and over the jumbled words that rested on the paper. Anxiety ran through his entire body wrapping him in a pure intensity of suffering and fear, reacting with even more nervous tremors, but still his gaze never stopped looking at the raw truth. The ink began to run as some drops of water fell like rain on it, leaving an absolute mess that only resembled the author of those words.

He had failed, there is no cure, there is no heart, but above all, there is no love. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts but they were not attended by the alchemist, his internal voices spoke close to his ear, shouting his failure, remembering his misery, but he ignored them. Even with tears falling like waterfalls in his eyes and knowing that if he dwelled on his thoughts he would only succeed in torturing himself. He didn't pay attention, he did it anyway.

He ignored his own existence and cried. He cried so painfully that he even forgot how to shed his own tears, allowing himself and someone else's sadness to pour out.

Everything got worse when Diluc decided to contact him that same day. A silent letter slipped under the door, adding sadness in his soul.

Quickly abandoning his desk, he reaches for the letter on the floor desperately wanting to read its contents in one go and opens it, taking out the small sheet that was deposited inside. His wide eyes staring intently at the elegant little words embedded in the paper, the anxiety that was moments ago grew and swelled in his chest. He wanted to scream so loud but he didn't want anyone to hear him.

The letter mentioned the visit of a certain redhead. Even when Diluc wasnt in the same room, he could feel the hope conveyed in the carefully written words that haunted his mind now that he knew he had failed. His knowledge just wasn't enough.

'How to look at Diluc's face and tell him that his little brother will die...' was the first thought that came to his mind when he read that Diluc will come in a couple of hours to hear his news and observe the progress, which is absolutely nothing. He was afraid, he was trembling, the letter in his hands felt heavy despite its lightness and the few words embedded in ink, he was completely terrified.

He could put into words the reason for the rising fear in his chest. He lied to Diluc when he told him that he was going to cure his brother and now he will have to tell him the bad news. That was the worst part.

But what terrified him the most was that he was more worried about how to tell Diluc and not telling the person himself that his heart was broken.

That only made the guilt grow.

-

The sky had already darkened, the people slowly began to turn off its lights and free the streets of their presence, being replaced by knights with night patrol shifts while the other knights continued their work submerged in the barracks. Despite everything that's happened lately, Kaeya refused to quit his job even when Jean asked him to take a few days off so that he could take a break.

"But it's all I have." He had said, no anger or sadness in his voice, just emptiness. "If I leave, I'm afraid I'll be gone forever."

To say that it didn't hurt Jean to see Kaeya continue as if no one knew of his condition would be a lie. Every time that was a topic of conversation, the blue-haired man was indifferent about it while Jean felt like she was drowning, as if she were sharing his friend's pain and expressing the suffering of her soul with her body since Kaeya refused to show some emotion or thought about their own life. Jean didn't know what to do anymore, she has visited several healers, she has looked for medical books to expand her knowledge of hearts and she has even spoken with external doctors. But still she blanked out, and when she distressedly told her friend that she hadn't been able to find any answer, he simply placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled warmly, saying; 'It's okay, don't worry. At least you tried. .'

The thought that Kaeya was a star has persisted to this day, she thought that with the news of a dying heart Kaeya would change, he would be more aware of his surroundings, he would have compassion for himself, but he is still a light in the sky that begins to wither due to its weak illuminatio, and that one day, will be completely erased from the atmosphere.

What will happen if it is true about not surviving? What will happen to Jean? With the knights, friends, co-workers and family? Will the tavern be emptier but with the same amount of people or will it be the same? What will happen to the cavalry captain's office, will someone be able to replace him so easily and wear his clothes? Will Crepus be waiting for him up there or won't he have some privilege to leave peacefully? What will happen to his brother with whom he had just reconciled after years of a thick layer of sadness dividing them that took so long to wash away?

It shouldn't worry Kaeya, he would leave, no matter if something changes or doesn't, it would just be picking another flower from a meadow full of them, there won't be any consequences, and when time runs out and it's time to be uprooted, he will leave.

"I heard you liked flowers." Jean said, breaking the silence that had abounded between them as they worked together in her office.

With a paper in his hands, Kaeya answered her; "I do." But his gaze did not reach Jean's.

She looked at him for a few seconds and then stopped. She dropped the paper she was holding and placed it on her desk, her head turning slightly towards the windows, watching the stars beginning to form in Mondstadt's now night sky. With a calm expression, she blurted out; "We should collect some, like when we used to be kids."

When she didn't get an immediate response, she directed her eyes to Kaeya who was a few feet away from her, lounging in an easy chair still with paperwork in his hands. She saw doubt settling on his face, he shouldn't be hesitating, he shouldn't show any signs of hesitating. Jean could see how the captain began to collapse.

"Sometimes I imagine myself being in a meadow, surrounded by flowers and wind, remembering my childhood and the memories I hope never to forget."

She noticed the lost look on his face, still staring at the papers, but the clouds in his eye began to become more visible these days.

Then Kaeya's gaze finally connects with hers, managing to see the weariness at the edges of his vision as a dying man. Maybe he was a dying man.

“I am afraid of leaving, not being able to remember the color of my favorite flower, forgetting the color of my eyes and forgetting myself.” he whispered, she could only observe how the sadness never came, it was always there. Even before all this. “I just hope that the flowers around me remember me. It is my only wish.”

“I could never forget you, you are my friend.” As she uttered this whisper, she could already feel the sudden tears that threatened to fall and the slight tremor on her lips. "I couldn't recover, I wouldn't know how to."

Slowly, a hint of anguish crept into Kaeya's features, enough for Jean to notice the heaviness in his chest. "How can I leave peacefully then?"

Jean opened her mouth to reply, but when the words never came out and the tears spilled like unrelenting rain denying the release of any syllable, he knew Kaeya was saying goodbye to her.

–

"Good evening Albedo, I'm sorry I had to send you a letter about my visit and not having notified you in person, I found myself busy all day."

Diluc was already here, standing in front of Albedo in the lab with the door being slowly closed by the redhead who had just arrived. The alchemist was a little more presentable this time, his hair was well combed and his skin had regained a little of its color although he still has the dark circles under his eyes, he could only do things that time allowed him to do.

"Don't worry Master Diluc, I understand you have a busy schedule." Albedo left the entrance and motioned for Diluc to sit on the couches. "You better sit down, I have news..."

The redhead didn't look any better than Albedo, with a simple glance you could see how tired he was, even his eyes were a little droopy, it must be because of the busy days and taking care of a business completely alone. He could even be considered calm, being so tired that his voice was a bit lower and he showed no negative emotions, being replaced by a calm smile. The alchemist could already feel a weight falling on him when he is the one who will ruin his state of peace.

"Of course." Diluc walked over and sat quietly in one of the couches. Albedo followed his footsteps a few seconds later, sitting down in front of Diluc so he could look at him properly. "We can start with a little progress report."

“sure...” The anxiety that had taken so long to fade came back in a rush when they began to have a real conversation and not one created by Albedo's mind to prepare. “Since the day you visited me at my camp, exactly seven days have passed, one week as promised.”

Diluc looked at him attentively, nodding serenely listening to his words that strangely were being pronounced more slowly. The blonde stopped for a few seconds, analyzing his words in his mind, avoiding the other's gaze a bit.

When the redhead had looked at him in confusion, the sound of a door opening saved Albedo, giving him a few extra seconds to formulate answers. The two of them looked towards the direction the sound came from and came across the main subject of the conversation. Kaeya.

The blue-haired man looked at the two of them, also looking confused. "Sorry, am I interrupting something?"

“No, not at all, we just started. Please sit." The alchemist replied, raising a hand towards the same chair where Diluc was sitting at one end. Kaeya nodded slightly and did as he was told.

Albedo took a small breath that neither of them noticed and continued: "Continuing with my words... I will explain the progress of these days shortly..." He got up from his seat and went directly to the desk to look for some papers that were lying on the wood, organized in documents. When he already had what he was looking for in his hands, he returned to his seat. “The first few days consisted of blood tests. I did not find anything out of place, I even did deep tests and everything was correct.” He said, as he read some papers that every second grow heavier in the grip of his hand.

"I'm glad to hear that." Diluc replied, his gaze following the movements of Albedo's hands as he ran through the papers. Kaeya just nodded again.

The alchemist continued to run his fingers through the pages full of information and notes, but when his hands and gaze stopped on a page and stopped moving for a few seconds, a chill engulfed Diluc's spine instantly. "What 's wrong...?" When the silence had been too much, the redhead forced himself to ask.

The alchemist's face had a pained expression for a fraction of a second but that was automatically hidden. Slowly, still looking at the notes, his lips parted. "...the heart..." The temperature of the room gradually dropped, and silence took center stage in this event. “Throughout the week I was… with multiple studies and investigations, looking for innumerable options for a definitive answer, an answer that would manage to exchange the diseased heart for an artificial one.” His eyes closed briefly, then opened again and finally looked directly to the two brothers that the calm expressions that were before had already vanished long ago. "No matter what I did, what materials I used, or how I would do it, it all had an unsatisfying outcome."

“What do you mean by all of this?" Diluc leaned towards Albedo, expressing pure fear in his eyes. The blonde's lips pursed slightly, his gaze flicked over Kaeya for a second and back to the redhead, uttering words that the bright red-eyed one would have preferred to drown in the depths of the earth; “His heart is not compatible with an artificial one. It's over."

Again the silence was so loud in their minds that it felt strange. Diluc remained in his seat with slightly parted lips, his whole body and head was perplexed making his eyes wander downwards sinking into Albedo's words that didn't want to leave his ears. Kaeya seemed to react in the same way, no doubt he was surprised by the news, so much that there was not a single hint of emotion on his expressionless face.

The alchemist looked at them both once more, when he thought that the silence had become too long he was determined to break it, but this time it was not him who did it.

"What do you mean his heart is not compatible?" Anger. Diluc had already completely abandoned the calm with which he had arrived and found himself slowly sinking into anger.

“My studies verified these conclusions, an artificial heart requires certain-”

“The function of an artificial heart was supposed to be to adapt to the human body and do what it was supposed to do.” The anger only increased every second, Albedo didn't know if it was directed at him or at himself. He doesn't blame him at all, he's angry too but if he showed it publicly it would be a disaster for everyone, especially for Kaeya.

“That's right, but Kaeya's body is different. The blood and the components that it brings can affect what makes up an organ as vital as the heart, I tried everything and- ”Once again, his words were interrupted by the other.

“If an artificial heart doesn't work then try a real one! Take mine and do whatever it takes to keep him alive!” Despair was heard injected into his words, his right hand went up to his chest wrinkling his clothes in progress. "Give my heart to my brother."

“Diluc!” The glances flew directly to the blue-haired man who had already put a hand on the arm of his brother who was starting to stand up from his seat. "Why do you say that? You can't just give your life for me!"

“I can, you are my family, my brother. I would give anything to support the ones I love the most.” Diluc sat back down at Kaeya's silent pleas and looked at him worriedly, still angry but hiding it. "If I can save your life I certainly would!"

Kaeya continued to look at him in puzzlement and irony, his eye narrowing in the process. “And what would be the point of continuing to live if the only family I had left had just given their heart for me? I could not live with your heart on my chest without guilt!"

Diluc was about to reply but now it was Albedo's turn to interrupt, who in the background while the two brothers were arguing was in his own mind jumping to hasty conclusions that only he can understand; "You shouldn't have to give your heart for my mistakes, I should be the one to give mine's." The hand that surprisingly still held the documents clenched tightly, crumpling the papers inside it.

The eyes were on Albedo now. "Your mistakes? Albedo you did what you could, you tried and that is more than enough- ” Kaeya tried to convince him but the alchemist didn't seem to change his mind.

"That I tried means nothing, my research was not enough and now you will die!" The alchemist raised his voice alerting the others, the blond's usual calm and neutrality was something so common that seeing him get out of his wits was something completely new, and even for something where he wasn't guilty.

"You can't blame yourself for something you didn't start, my heart has been like this for a while and it just can't be healed. What you did was check it out and confirm our theories. At least I'll be able to say goodbye before my time runs out now that we know it." Kaeya said with a slight frown and his lips trembling.

Diluc's mouth closed, biting his teeth trying to hold back the tears. Kaeya was still looking at Albedo who was once silent, exchanging surprised glances with the blue-haired man.

"This shit can't be happening.." The redhead closed his eyes and got up from the couch walking over to Kaeya, wrapping his arms around his brother's back. “There must be another way… another way to get your heart healthy again.”

Albedo already learned his lesson, he will never give anyone hope again. He remained silent, he didn't give any possible solutions or any encouraging words, he just watched as Diluc still kept the little hope he had left, since Albedo had killed most of it. Kaeya instantly accepted the hug and also wrapped his arms around Diluc's waist as he was still sitting, before long he felt his own eyes and eyepatch getting moisten.

Even when the alchemist himself, a man considered intelligent enough to answer all the questions in the world, told them that there was no other way to improve the situation, Diluc stuck to his hope, thinking that he couldn't just abandon his younger brother being present and with the hands that he can use to save him. There is a bitter taste in his mouth just thinking about it. Diluc wasn't ready to let him go, but he didn't know Kaeya was.

The hope of making Kaeya survive remained in Diluc's chest, it was just a small flickering flame but he was willing to add fuel to the fire. Even when the other two had already flowers on their heads.

–

Kaeya and Diluc eventually had to leave.

They were walking together through the empty streets of the city, each in their own minds and thoughts. The silence that was between them was not uncomfortable but heavy, carrying the pain and anguish of the previously heard news wreaking havoc on their feelings and creating this inevitable silence so present that the wind was audible.

Kaeya gazed up at the sky awash with lovely steady stars with none twinkling and all lingering, not paying too much attention to the sound of his boots hitting the pavement of Mond's usually colorful deserted streets. While Diluc, on the other hand, watched his feet being carried in continuous smooth movements that helped him move wherever he wanted, wishing he could remove his brain and simply focus on the surface where he is walking next to his brother.

"Aren't the stars beautiful?" The calm tone Kaeya had used puzzled Diluc, taking his gaze to the sky and abandoning the movement of his boots. "What do you think of them?"

His eyes weren't directly looking at each other, but their gazes mingled as they both gazed at the same sky above them. "I think they are the most precious things in the universe."

A small, faint smile touched Kaeya's lips, edging closer to a genuine one after so long. "I'm glad to hear that."

'Because when I'm gone, I'll become one of those stars, and I hope that every night when you look up you'll remember me.'

He thought but didn't say it, and the leisurely walk continued without further interruption.

Chapter Text

The hardest part of the day was waking up, even when we are aware enough of our surroundings to know we are awake and feel our eyelids hiding our eyes from the sun's rays coming through the windows, that was only a small part of waking up completely.

The hardest part is not getting up because if he wanted to he could simply pull the sheets off and put his feet on the cold wood, and although doing those actions would take a gigantic drain on his energy and hear protests in his mind, getting up was not the hardest part of life because wanting to wake up was. Wanting to start the day, to open his eyes and to inform others that he was already prepared in the morning for work or just showing everyone his simple existence, forcing himself to keep his eyes open even if he wanted them closed was part of the difficulty behind such a simple action as waking up.

Kaeya does not wake up when he feels his body becoming more conscious as the seconds pass in the morning, or when he begins to feel that the absence of noise in his room was becoming a nuisance to his ears even though there was no sound, nor when the small touch of the sheets on his skin became more present and he knew that he was no longer wrapped in a deep sleep that passes in every night, disconnecting him from the reality in which he now finds himself. He wakes up when his eyes open for the first time in the day despite wanting to remain in that trance where his thoughts stop and his tiredness is the only thing that is present.

But this morning, there was something different. The usual difficulty in opening his eyes remained as always, but somehow the tiredness that nailed his head had been more present this time when he felt that familiar awareness in the mornings. Despite sensing something was wrong, he decided to ignore it and open his eyes earlier than he usually did as on days where he would linger for hours waiting for his mind to feel ready to start the day.

With his eyes already open, the blankets left his body as his horizontal position changed to a sitting one, his feet touching the floor and his hands at his sides resting on the bed mattress. Finally when he managed to muster the necessary energy, he stood up letting out a small groan to begin preparing for another day less in his life.

Walking down the hallway, he slowly made his way to the bathroom without needing to open the door as it was already open, he decided to keep it in that state as he began to remove his shirt. With slow movements, the buttons unbuttoned, the silence was so present that the small rubbing of the fabric by Kaeya's hands was a sound worth catching by ear as there was nothing else to catch. When all the buttons were free, he removed his shirt without paying too much attention as it fell to the tiles of the bathroom floor, his eyes slowly wandered the light walls of the room until they were fixed on one specific spot.

The mirror in front of him projected a man being finished by life itself. The exhaustion could be read from miles away, but even so it did not surprise Kaeya, but rather disappointed him. Seeing the man he has become, miserable and hopeless, he wondered what the father who took him in would think if he looked at him in this state. He wondered if he would still love him.

Inevitably, as he thought of the man who taught him how to live, his eyes watered. Even when he looked in the mirror with both eyes uncovered and without any eyepatch on his face, he could not think of the man who held him in his arms when he was born, his mind and heart belonged to this nation that welcomed him and the father he so adored as a child. His eyebrows arched slightly as he felt the tears leave his eyes and fall down his cheeks, yet his eyes did not leave the mirror, continuing to stare sadly into the eyes of his own reflection.

Suddenly, an object caught his attention and he broke eye contact with himself, directing his gaze to a small capsule of pills resting on the cabinet next to the sink. He felt another tear sting his eyes as he realized his choices in his life and the countless things he regrets saying and doing. The small bottle was completely full, not a pill had left its container to be taken by Kaeya who was supposed to take them to improve his condition. He knew he was going to die someday, even if he took those pills or not, he did not understand why he had to fill his system with pills that certainly would not change anything and would not let him live a few more days.

The pills that had been kept in his pockets for days, the same container that saved his life where he almost died with chest pain that seemed endless when he was near a fountain and with Albedo by his side, had been discarded long ago when he understood that he didn't have much time left. The pills he had shown them to the alchemist the day where he was questioned were different and fake, he did not overlook Albedo's distrustful look when he himself felt that the size and shape of these pills were not the same as the ones that day at the fountain.

Kaeya was so tired of lying, but to get rid of a lie he needed to create a new one. He lied to Albedo when he showed him the capsule full of non-prescribed pills but at least he was no longer lying to himself when he swallowed one, because the little hope that came to his chest every time he took a pill was artificial, and when he stopped taking the pills he was ordered to take he felt liberated.

The capsule that was sitting on the cabinet was quickly tossed into the bathroom trash can, without even looking twice to check its condition.

He continued to remove his clothes but this time avoiding his reflection in the mirror. When he found himself completely naked, he stepped into the shower as he closed the curtains, feeling his body begin to hide behind that fabric and escape the bright light of the bathroom. He directed his hands to the shower handles turning the hot water on fully, the flow of water soon began to burn Kaeya's naked body with every drop that fell. Steam began to build inside the walls of the room, feeling the familiar suffocation inside Kaeya's lungs bringing him some peculiar comfort that he rarely manages to achieve. Then, he begins to run his hands through his hair to follow his usual daily grooming routine.

When his bath was finished, his entire body had been washed along with his troubling thoughts and dirt. Again, just as he opened the shower handles, he reached his hands up to close them, but when his fingers touched the cold material, the strength had left his body. His face contorted in confusion, he tried to muster all his strength to close and cut off the flow of water but he simply could not. A few more tries and the handles were in the same state, not even turning a few inches.

He stared wide-eyed at his palms that were now reddened from the effort, he began to feel his breathing cut off not really knowing if it was from the choking steam or the growing unexplained anxiety in his chest. His teeth began to chatter from the trembling of his body, his sight began to blur and get lost in the boiling water that still continued to fall on his body, the connection his mind had with reality and the emptiness has been severed, without really knowing where he was and without feeling that his hands were his own. The pain that has been present these days due to his illness finally came, worsening the entry of air into his lungs, almost drowning him. The sound of water falling like rain on the tiles disappeared in Kaeya's ears, being replaced by a maddening beeping that managed to stab his mind with each passing second, increasing its edge.

Then, the only sound he could hear was the faint pumping of blood from his heart sounding in his chest. Even the water was no longer present.

His eyes filled with tears again, he brought his hands up to his face, trying to hide from the pain growing in his heart.

"End this... I no longer wish to continue. I can't." His voice cracked, not knowing exactly who he was begging to end his life.

The pain in his chest only grew, and Kaeya had the feeling that tomorrow he would not be around to see the sun shine, and at night he would lie by the stars to sleep with them.

───────

It was already midday when the captain had managed to escape from a torture of his own making, and was now in Good Hunter having a brief conversation with Sara, who was tending the store.

"Wouldn't you like to add something to your order besides the chicken-mushroom skewers Sir Kaeya?" She asked politely as she stacked the skewers on a plate.

Kaeya followed her movements with a blank stare, drawing a smile on his face instantly. "No, thank you Miss Sara." After a few seconds, he added, "Oh and please, I want the food to go.”

"Oh alright..." She smiled just right to then take a small bag and deposit the skewers there delicately. With quick movements due to her efficiency from so many years in practice, the bag was already in Kaeya's hands. "Have a good day captain!"

"Thank you, you too." He waved goodbye with a quiet smile and a small gesture with his free hand.

Walking through the streets of Mondstadt with the morning sun in the clear sky and a bag in his hand, he watched the people who were already on duty in their own stores early in the morning, the city usually wakes up just as the sun announced its arrival, even the children adorned the streets with their energetic presences.

Some of those citizens greeted him with joy as if Kaeya was the most deserving person of affection this city can deliver. As if Kaeya was not really a traitor coming from the lost nation, as if he was a hero who kept the peace inside and outside the stone walls. Whenever they saw him walking with a blank stare they greeted him with a smile and a hint of pride, he wondered if they would continue to greet him if they knew his deepest secrets or knew his dark past full of tragedy and anguish.

Kaeya doesn't understand, why would people pretend to be nice to him? If they knew he would die soon, they wouldn't bother to even give him a look of hatred. But here he is, walking around with the typical smile on his face, pretending that his heart is not rotten and that he is a son of Barbatos, just one of them all.

It doesn't matter anyway, he'll leave. He doubts that any citizen will know the difference.

Before he knew it, the wooden door of the tavern was already in front of him. As usual, the tavern doesn't open this early in the morning so it was obvious that there wouldn't be any customers inside getting drunk on wine. Even if he knew it was closed, he pushed the door anyway, quickly entering the place and hiding his presence from the city in a warmer, more comforting place.

The only other person there besides Kaeya was of course Diluc, the person he was going to meet in the first place. The red-haired man was on the other side of the bar, his back turned ordering some bottles from the shelves while with a cloth he wiped off the dust that accumulated every week. Just as he heard the sound of someone entering the tavern, his attention automatically went to the man who had just arrived.

"Hi." He gave him a tired smile, without abandoning the cloth he still held in his hands.

A smile quickly came to Kaeya's lips as he moved closer, preparing to sit down on his usual stool. "Good morning."

"Good afternoon I'd say, it's already the middle of the day." A small affectionate chuckle came from Diluc's mouth as he watched as his brother rested the bag full of food on the bar. "Don't tell me you just woke up?"

"Of course not, it's just that the clear skies make me think it's earlier than it actually is." His gaze swept over the tavern, noticing some slight changes. "Perhaps there was a change in the decor where I wasn't aware of it? You should let me know about your plans, this place would surely look better if I decide to help you out a bit." He joked lightly, having no intentions of opening some ancient wound as they did before. Diluc followed his gaze into the inner reaches of the tavern showing no signs of abandoning his smile.

The Kaeya of a few years ago could never have imagined having a civilized conversation without looking like complete strangers with his brother.

"No, I just cleaned up a bit." This comment made Kaeya laugh this time. "What? Come on, the decorations are fine. It's just that dust and dirt from careless customers ruin the condition of my precious furniture." Diluc shook his head slightly, deciding to turn his attention back to the bag. "I see you brought food for the occasion..."

"A picnic is no picnic without food, how long has it been since you last went out to see the sun?" He feigned a horrified expression, looking at him in mock disgust with intentions of teasing him as little brothers would.

"I see the sun every day I don't know what are you're talking about-"

"I don't think so, you look like a vampire at this point. I'm glad I can get my brother to come out of his cave and spend time with his little brother." He crossed his arms and rested them on the bar. "Seriously, when was the last time you were distracted from your work?"

"It's been a while I guess..." The redhead genuinely seemed to be thinking about when was the last time he went out with his family to have a normal day. But today, he and Kaeya coordinated to have a day off where they can go out to the outskirts of the city to enjoy the outdoors, like the brothers they are. "But that doesn't matter now, what else do we have to bring?"

"Not much really, but you should prepare some drinks to hydrate us." A hand perched on his chin thoughtfully. "Also some sunblock would be very helpful, we don't want your pale skin to be the color of your hair."

When Diluc looked at Kaeya's mischievous smile, he couldn't help but frown a little. "In all the years of my life the sun never burned me, not even on the days where we visited the beach." Still glaring at his brother, his hand holding the dirty cloth began to wander across the bar in an attempt to wipe the fine wood.

"Your memory is worse than I thought. Adelinde always applied the best sunblock on us to protect our skin from the strong sun rays."

"I don't remember it, therefore, that never happened." Diluc closed his eyes childishly, avoiding Kaeya's winning look.

"You don't remember because you were so eager to dive into the sea barely allowing her to put some sunblock on you. You looked like a ball full of energy back then, for some reason it amused you to run all over the beach. How unrefined." They both knew the last words were joking as they knew Diluc was just a kid acting like one.

The redhead struggled not to smile but failed miserably, even with his eyes closed. "At least I wasn't hiding in the shadow of the umbrella because I was afraid of the sand."

"Oh please, that was only once! And I wasn't afraid of the sand, I was afraid of the sea." He again let out a small laugh, remembering his happy childhood he had with the family that took him in after the catastrophe that happened in the deep lands in the dark.

"Sure, whatever you say." This time Diluc had already opened his eyes, choosing that the bar was already clean enough to stop the constant movement of his hand. "Well, are you ready to go?"

The two looked at each other, exchanging fond smiles forgetting their worst versions and to just keep their childhoods in their minds, remembering how childish and happy they used to be. They had an older tall man with dark reddish hair in their memories, but neither mentioned him.

"Yeah, let's go." Kaeya's eyes narrowed as he felt his smile widen.

As they left the tavern their footsteps were light on the ground, they walked calmly along the outskirts of the walls feeling the soft wind on their faces reflecting the calmness of the atmosphere. During the mornings Mondstadt was quite freezing, but the cold was worth enjoying, the kind that your lungs are not damaged by the excess of cold, but every breath felt like filling your chest with life, exhaling every little particle of sadness willing to forget it in the air.

The dawn winery came into view before their eyes, mutually deciding in silence to venture down the dirt roads adorned by aisles of purple grapes. Fruit picking mostly takes place during the afternoon but still some baskets lay on the ground so that when it was time to pick grapes, the baskets would be ready to do their job of storing the fruit.

"I see the grape production has improved." Kaeya interrupted the silence, trying to make small talk.

Still moving without interrupting his walk, Diluc continued to look ahead as he thought of a place to spend time. "It's really no different than last year, however profits continue to grow." And silence was present again.

Kaeya didn't dislike the silence nor did Diluc, but after walking for full minutes without saying anything it was beginning to haunt Kaeya, and when the silence returned he felt a grimace on his face as he saw that Diluc had no intention of continuing talking. Memories of his childhood came back to his thoughts as he felt the heaviness in his heart, back then when Kaeya was little he used to be the one who kept silent and Diluc was the one who couldn't stand to be quiet for more than a couple of seconds, their personalities changed in a way that not even their loved ones recognized them, not even themselves when they had time alone at night where their beds are too uncomfortable to rest their heads on a hard pillow to make up for the sleep.

He wonders if changing his heart will also change the way he is, he wants to be a better person, even in his last minutes of life.

Concentrating on the pain in his chest and the memories that left a bitter taste in his mouth was an oversight on his part, getting lost in his mind he didn't realize that they had already reached the place where Diluc was taking them. "I think this is a good place."

From the point where they were they could see from above the entire property of the wine magnate. Because of the diminutive size of the grapes they were hardly visible among the vines. The medium sized trees decorated the precious canvas of the situation while the wind moved their green leaves in constant motion, the bluish sky remained in place as a companion and next to it the sun itself, it's a pity that the stars were sleeping at this time of the day. "It is." He replied with a smile, feeling like a child again.

The bag full of mushroom and chicken skewers that once rested on the bar counter about half an hour ago now lay on the floor open, ready to allow them the blessing of filling their stomachs with warm food.

The two sat on the floor close to the point of brushing their shoulders as lightly as the wind around them. Although the bag was already between the two of them giving sign of being able to empty its contents neither felt ready to do so, their gazes far away observing the smallest details of life. But Diluc felt like he wasn't really seeing anything, as if he couldn't understand.

The wind diminished, and the hair stopped moving like the leaves on the trees. "I can't understand why you're leaving."

Kaeya, without looking at him, replied. "Neither can I." His voice suddenly sounded small, lost. "I'm scared." The two shared emotions but not thoughts, their eyes remained on different parts of nature, Kaeya watching the sky and Diluc his home.

But, perhaps, Kaeya actually was watching his home.

The redhead felt his lips pursed as he felt the emotion that has been present since he heard Kaeya's condition, frustration. "Don't be." A breeze hit his back. "I will find a cure. Your life won't end here."

"What if I wanted it to end?" The dead, distant voice felt wrong in Diluc's ears, forcing him to look at Kaeya with wide eyes in fear. "What if I feel like I should leave?"

"What are you saying?" the red-haired man said in a low tone like a whisper, fear embedded as much as in his voice and face. "Do you know what you're saying? Do you really want to die?"

"I didn't say that." Even when he could feel Diluc's intense gaze looking at him from his side he made no move to meet his eyes. "It's the exit from life and the entrance to heaven, I wonder what it would be like to live there. I wonder if father will be there too." Despite hearing the tears in his voice, Kaeya's eye did not shed a single one.

The older brother decided to shed tears for both of them, taking a weight off his little brother's shoulders as if crying would hurt his already damaged heart. "Of course he's there." The mention of his father calmed him, his gaze finally meeting his brother's in the sky, blending with the clouds and pure azure that adorned life. The wind brushed against his body again, feeling like an embrace from his father as he took pride in his children.

The single thought of being able to see his father again calmed his nerves slightly, feeling as if he would not actually leave life but visit his father to give him a warm embrace, only that his brother would not be there with them. "I miss him." Kaeya wanted to shed his own tears, letting his brother cry felt selfish, but still he felt nothing but his eyes watering and his lip trembling. "I'll miss you." The redhead closed his eyes and bit his teeth as he felt his own lips tremble along with his salty tears running down his cheeks.

"Don't say that, you're not leaving." An arm went around his younger brother's shoulders and pulled him into a desperate half hug. It was the final step in making Kaeya finally allow himself to cry. "You'll stay with me here, we'll pick grapes whenever you want, I'll teach you how to mix drinks and we'll go out and have picnics every day. Just please don't go, Kae."

Kaeya felt his shoulders tense, the sensation of his lip quivering in an attempt to suppress his emotions made him despair, the tears he once promised never to shed were already running down his tired face. Feeling his older brother's arm around him as he begged him to stay made him feel so empty. Even when Diluc noticed his tears, he continued to try to hide and pretend he was okay.

Kaeya raised a hand and directed it to his face, hiding his eye and eyepatch believing that this way he could stop the tears that for no reason continued to stream down without showing any signs of stopping. "Why aren't you crying Kae? It's okay, your big brother is here, you can afford to cry."

A sob escaped Kaeya’s throat and Diluc could only look at him, unashamed of his own tears that refused to stop. Diluc's eyebrows arched sadly, his chest sagged as he watched his younger brother struggle to stop his emotions, he felt as if the little Kaeya who cried every night from nightmares and turned to his older brother for help never existed and was replaced by an adult version of him shattered by his life choices.

Diluc's hand that was around Kaeya's shoulders began to stroke his arm in a comforting way as if to get Kaeya to empty his emotions. And he did, with the help of his comforting words. Kaeya could not resist it much longer, and more sobs escaped from his weak throat to the point where he could no longer hide his crying. Diluc lifted his free hand and released the grip of his brother's hand on his face allowing him to look into his squinted eye filled with tears and sorrow. "It's okay Kae, you're okay now." The sadness in his chest never went away, but a smile appeared on his trembling lips when he noticed that his little brother had finally been able to release his tears.

"I'm sorry." Kaeya's brittle, small voice rang out through tears and trembling. "I won't be able to stop myself from abandoning you again." His eye closed sadly, but that didn't stop the descent of more tears.

"You won't, I promise. Don't worry." Diluc pulled Kaeya closer who cowered and hid his face in Diluc's shoulder as his body shook wildly with each sob.

The caresses continued as did their sadness, Diluc's tears never stopped but feeling his brother's body between his arm and his head on his shoulder was enough for him, feeling that his brother was still alive and by his side was always more than enough.

They cried together in the warm wind, the older brother watching his home again and the other his own tears falling, but their minds continued elsewhere.

The bag of food lay abandoned between the two of them, and the only audible sound was the sobs of the two brothers suffering together.

───────
The sunset did not take long to arrive, the sun painting the city with its joy and the sky aging with its colors reflecting the emotions of the majority of citizens roaming the streets.

But this happiness only came to those who stayed inside the walls, on the snowy mountain the remnants of joy froze next to the captain's fingers.

He was only a few steps away from entering Albedo's camp where the owner was at a table analyzing certain notes. Kaeya hated to interrupt him but he had already arrived and turning around to return to the city was not in the captain's plans.

"Albedo." The condensed breath left his cold lips.

The newly mentioned turned, looking at him sadly. "Kaeya." The notes in his hands quickly abandoned his attention. "Do you need anything?"

The pain in his chest that Kaeya felt since the morning hasn't gone away, though not powerful enough to make him writhe from the pain, the sensation remained there and it was strange. "I was just visiting you. Are you busy?" He said as if it was one of his thousands of afternoon conversations with the alchemist, only that the alchemist's calm smile was not on his face.

"Not at all." Albedo looked at him, wearily. "Do you want me to do something for you?" he asked again, as if Kaeya's sadness had not gone unnoticed by the chief alchemist's calculating gaze. Perhaps it didn't.

"No, don't worry. Can we talk?" Albedo nodded slightly, the object in his hands was left on the table to then signal Kaeya to approach due to the fact that he was still standing in the doorway. As he entered the camp the warmth of the fire a few feet away from him began to warm his bones.

"I wanted to talk to you too." The blond had a sad look on his face, something not usually seen on his face. Kaeya wanted to believe it wasn't his fault. "I wanted to apologize for my incompetence, even after learning that it is practically impossible to transfer an artificial heart into your body I kept trying to find some possible solution, and the results are still the same." Albedo said, the weight of his words falling on the shoulders of Kaeya who looked at him just as wearily. "I know an apology won't bring back the time you will waste but I couldn't bear to look at your grave and know that you died because of me, and that I didn't even try to apologize to you."

"I already told you this isn't your fault, you made better progress than the healers did after all. You gave me hope."

"And I took it away from you too." He responded immediately, guilt ringing between the words, his brow furrowed. "Please forgive me."

Albedo's controlled anger surprised the blue-haired, but he simply cocked his head to one side and closed his eye letting out a tired sigh. "Okay, I forgive you." He decided that arguing against the alchemist would be a waste of time, and he had come for a reason. His posture returned to normal and his weary eye from crying reopened. "Albedo, I came here to say goodbye."

Albedo's heart stopped in his chest, his lips pursed and a sudden sadness flooded his mind. "I didn't think it would end like this, with a goodbye."

"Eventually it had to happen. I always imagined I would die on the battlefield, but this death is much more peaceful than I asked for." The pain in his chest increased but he ignored it. The emotions he felt earlier with Diluc a few hours ago slowly resurfaced again to choke his heart. "I honestly don't even know if I deserve this ending, where I can say goodbye to those I love and spend more time with them ignoring all my flaws. It even gives me time to write letters. It's the best ending I could ask for."

"You don't deserve this ending, you deserve one where you can see your family grow, and your friends getting better." Albedo looked at him, sure of his words, then shook his head slightly as if he was more hurt by Kaeya's death than he was himself. "You deserve to have your life and heart mended."

Now it was Kaeya's turn to shake his head, letting out another, quieter sigh. "It's too late to start over and I've already accepted my fate."

"Your fate is not to die." The blond suppressed the lump in his throat and looked at him with eyes wide with anguish. "Your destiny was to remain the cavalry captain, a younger brother to Diluc and an older brother to Klee. A friend to Jean and her right hand man, a co-worker and childhood friend.." Up to this point holding back tears became almost impossible for him. "But above all, your destiny was to stay here in Mondstadt. With me." The pain in his voice was too much for Kaeya to bear, his face contracted in sadness as he listened to the anguished words of Albedo who slowly felt tears in his clear eyes. "It's selfish of me, isn't it?"

Kaeya walked up to Albedo and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around the alchemist's body and rested his cheek on his head as if a little touch would soothe his inner guilt. "I'm so sorry."

Swallowing his tears, the alchemist wrapped his own arms around the other's body, closing his eyes trying to calm himself. "I don't want to feel hope for something I know has no way to be saved, but it still feels wrong."

"I feel the same way." He too closed his one visible eye as he listened to the alchemist's small voice echo in his chest. "This is why goodbyes are the hardest part of leaving."

At these words, Albedo had to muster all his strength to stifle a sob, he bit his lower lip and pulled the blue-haired’s body even closer. "Tell your brother you're not coming back." Diluc's hope returned to the blond's mind in that conversation, beginning to understand his protective mind.

"I will." Kaeya mimicked the alchemist's action, a sob dying in his throat as the knot became increasingly painful to hold. Neither dared to open their eyelids and look into each other's eyes because they knew that if they did, they would collapse the moment their eyes met, and neither wanted to become more of a mess than they already are.

The first and only tear rolled down Albedo's pale cheek, but one that Kaeya would never know he shed as his head was still hidden in his arms.

"Goodbye, Albedo."

"Goodbye, Kaeya."

───────
By the time the sun was a few minutes away from hiding from people's gazes, Kaeya had already left the camp to head to the other person he wished to see one last time.

The wooden door inside the knight's headquarters leading to the Acting Grandmaster's office creaked as Kaeya opened it after Jean's permission. As his feet were inside, the door closed behind him.

"Oh, Kaeya. It's good to see you." Jean smiled so warmly at him that it embraced the captain's loneliness, who choking back his sadness managed to smile back. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, thank you. I see you keep sinking into paperwork, when was the last time you left this office?" His voice was calmer and softer than usual to Jean's mind who continued her tired smile.

"I came back a few minutes ago, Lisa forced me to breathe some fresh air and have tea with her." A small affectionate laugh escaped her lips, the pen with ink she had in her hand put it away in the inkwell to then sort some papers that were in front of her. "Why did you come here anyway?"

"I just wanted to stop by and say hello, we haven't seen each other all day." The previous two conversations exhausted him mentally, he feels like he will give in at any moment and burst into tears, Jean's calm smile didn't help. Kaeya began to walk closer to her towards her desk, abandoning the entrance altogether.

"Actually, I've been thinking a lot these days about spending some time with just the two of us, you know.." She abandoned the papers she had taken but her small smile never wavered. "We could go to lunch tomorrow, what do you say?"

The stabbing pain in the captain's chest told him that wouldn't be possible. His smile trembled slightly and a small growing anxiety emerged in his sick heart. "Oh.. yes, why not?.."

Jean had been friends with Kaeya for years, since childhood the two of them were inseparable. Jean was in Kaeya's growing up process and he was in hers, when they were little together with Diluc they were best friends, their friendship lasted for so long but felt so short at the same time. So when Kaeya's smile was not the normal one he used to use, or noticing the slight tremor on his lips and his missing eye, Jean's smile fell.

The silence lasted a few seconds, then Jean managed to read the captain that was in front of her. "You're going to leave, aren't you?"

All Jean needed to confirm was Kaeya's footsteps heading towards her to hug her sadly, not saying a single word as she felt her tired eyelids droop with fear. The smiles were forgotten and only lost and empty expressions remained, and Jean knew she would never get to relive the memories of the past as she had once always dreamed of doing, even when she was no longer a little girl.

───────

When the stars awoke, they kept Kaeya company, who watched with uncertainty the hole he himself had made in the cemetery that fateful cloudy day. If he wanted to imagine something right now, it would definitely be a stone tomb with his name embedded in it.

Before coming here he had thought about visiting the tavern one last time, but dismissed it almost immediately at the thought that he might get drunk in his last moments. He doesn't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

A few moments ago he had said a half-hearted goodbye to Jean, he wanted to spend some more time with her but forced himself to leave when he began to feel regret, he abandoned Jean in her office and didn't even gave his ears the time to listen to her desperate words, feeling sick of the pleas for him to stay. He doesn't even know if he really wants to leave right now, he used to dream of meeting the clouds in the sky as he felt a release in his chest that finally allowed him to breathe, but he really didn't want to leave his family after all the times they have spent together. He was no longer sure if he wanted to leave or stay.

It didn't matter anyway, the pain in his chest persisted throughout the day and now it only increased at the sight of the absence of land beneath his feet. He began to feel faint, dizziness flooded his mind and the ground began to shake, but nevertheless his eye continued to be glued to the grave.

His feet wobbled and his body leaned forward, his gaze became cloudy and the only thing he could feel at this moment was the ineffable pain in his chest.

If it wasn't for a hand on his shoulder that helped him steady himself he would have been resting in his grave by now, even if his lungs were still functioning. His dizzy head turned slightly at the slight pressure on his shoulder, and his eye managed to focus when he noticed that it was Diluc beside him.

Diluc had millions of words stuck in his throat, he felt that time was never enough for the two of them, as if it was always against them, Diluc wished he could let Kaeya know everything he is thinking and what he once thought in dark times, he wants Kaeya to know.

But rather than filling Kaeya's tired ears with questions and incessant words injected with worry, Diluc delivered to his sad mind a small smile. "Lets go."

Kaeya nodded slowly, his energy was beginning to drain but that didn't mean he was going to waste his time standing there and not spending time with his brother instead. They walked together for a few minutes, extra time was needed for Kaeya's tired body to walk, but at least Diluc's reassurance gave him the assurance that he could take as much time as he wanted, if that meant being a few minutes closer to him so be it.

The sound of water falling steadily lit Kaeya's mind as he knew that they had arrived at the fountain near the headquarters of the knights, where a few days ago Albedo noticed the presence of pain in his heart. With their shoulders glued together and Diluc's warm arm at his back, they were able to reach a bench without accident, matching the same bench he had sat on that day with the alchemist. Kaeya formed a small smile on his lips.

"What are you laughing at?" Diluc asked as he noticed his sudden change in mood, sitting down next to him with a tired smile on his face.

"Nothing, I just have a feeling I've already been through this." He replied without abandoning his smile, looking down at the fountain instead. A minute of silence but that was broken by himself in an instant. "Why are we here?"

"I just wanted to see the sky with you." Despite his words, they both looked at the free flowing water. "You were always a lover of life up there."

Now Kaeya's interest changed, noticing that the stars were keeping him company. "That's right. Sky is beautiful.” He let out a small laugh, his body felt absent as did his mind and for the first time in a long time, he allowed himself to relax.

Diluc followed his gaze to the night sky, noticing the small lights that shone with eternal life above them, some twinkling and others showing their unreachable light. Diluc felt the need to raise a hand into the air and steal some stars for his brother.

A moment of silence passed through them again, a small mutual break to observe the stars. And it was again Kaeya who opened his mouth, letting out words in little whispers. "From the sky everything is prettier."

"It's true." The redhead smiled with peace in his chest, but the sadness was still there.Then, his lips separated again to utter the following words; "Let me take you to the stars, where everything is lonelier and quieter for the two of us, like when we were kids."

"Will we be able to gaze at the constellations as we did before?" Kaeya asked, his eye beginning to slowly close as his head tilted toward Diluc, wishing he could lean his worries on his older brother.

"Of course." He noted his younger brother's intentions and lifted a hand to properly rest Kaeya's head on his shoulder, their gazes continuing on the stars. "No one will be looking for us there, it'll just be you and me."

Their smiles never faded, Kaeya's drowsy mind was finally able to rest when he felt his brother's warm body protecting him from the throbbing worries and emptiness he feels being on Earth. He wishes he could travel to the stars just as his older brother had promised him not once, but twice.

"Father will be there too?" His eye wanted to close, but he felt he would not be able to rest properly if he fell asleep before he could hear Diluc.

"Yes, father will be there." Diluc began to cry as the stars reflected in his burning eyes. "We will be the three of us, reunited once more." He continued to speak despite feeling the slight trembling of his lips as he felt the tears unsteadily trickle down his tired cheeks. "Rest, Kae."

"Okay." Kaeya wanted to ask his brother why he was crying, he wanted to know why his older brother had tears falling from his eyes, but he didn't and just listened. His starry eye closing, his breathing leveling out at Diluc's caresses who forced himself to quiet his throat and ignore his pitiful sobs. "I will wait for you, Luc. Just as you did for me."

The weight that lay on Diluc's shoulder felt dead, his brother's head rested sadly at his side but nevertheless, his no longer beating heart could finally rest.

Kaeya's breathing stopped and so did his strength to continue living, his tired body decided it was time to leave life and return to the world where he had always belonged, the sky.

Diluc's tears did not stop coming down, they increased every second. Even when he knew that Kaeya was already resting and that his sobs would not wake him up, he was afraid to make the slightest noise that would disturb his brother. He didn't feel that Kaeya was dead, it didn't make sense, he wanted to believe that his brother still had his heart beating alive in his chest and was just taking a little nap on his big brother's shoulder after a day full of work and worries that drowned his mind.

Diluc was afraid. Afraid to turn his head and see his brother's corpse. Afraid of never seeing Kaeya's smile roaming the streets again, afraid of knowing that his brother was gone leaving him behind.

Afraid of understanding that Kaeya was deeply resting, but forever.

Diluc closed his eyes as the tears continued to fall like waterfalls. But he decided to face his fears, so he finally decided to turn his head slightly to look at his brother.

With his eyes full of tears he felt a pang of a mixture of relief and pain as he noticed Kaeya's tired smile continued on his face.