Archive of Our Own

Sometimes— not most of the time— Sapnap doesn't have the best ideas.

He can admit that yes, okay fine, maybe he's a creature of impulse and his brain only works about 75% of the time, but 75% is good! If he got a 75% on a test or something back in high school, he would've been pretty content.

But then there's the other 25% where his unreliable brain decides it's been overworked and simply turns off.

And that's when things tend to get a little out of hand. Like creating a twitter stan account for one of your best friends/crush because you feel the primal urge to talk and rant about them all seven days of the week.

Homiesexual 😘😳 @gnfxme ● 3:18 AM
okay but why tf does GeorgeNotFound make me feel things though??
literally SO unfair, that man
669 Retweets     19 Quote Tweets     9,420 Likes

Shit. He wasn't supposed to get popular. He didn't want to get popular, especially not as a GeorgeNotFound stan account. That's just embarrassing. And his username— oh my god, what was he even thinking? Well, he was thinking about George, and out of instinct he just—

A soft knock on his door interrupts his thinking. Sapnap didn't even hear Dream's footsteps.

"You awake, Sap?"

A dillemma quickly approaches Sapnap, who is sitting criss-cross on his bed in the dark, his phone being the only source of light in the room

This situation reminds him of those games where you have to choose what to do and there's a timer and you're just panicking because the time is running out and— Wait, no, he needs to focus. Concentrate. Select the best option that won't—

The door knob is turning. The exact moment he sees it rotating is when Sapnap remembers all the times that Dream casually burst into his room without a care in the world.

He took too long to think and now he has to resort to The Thing he always did when he was up late talking to George and he heard his mom's footsteps:

Turn off his phone and flop on the bed.

Dream slowly pushes the door open and Sapnap hears Patches' soft meows as they both enter his room.

Okay, this is fine. All he has to do is inhale and exhale so his chest rises ever so slightly. He had to perfect this as a child in order to be able to giggle and play minecraft with George in the middle of the night and look, it's not as gay as it sounds. What Sapnap is trying to say is that this is child's play for him. A piece of cake. As easy as—

Wait.

What is Dream doing in his room?

"Patches, shh. Don't jump on his bed. You might wake him up," Dream whisper-shouts at his cat, who makes a low sound of annoyance.

The sounds of Dream rustling through his drawers only make him more suspicious. Is his best friend robbing him? That wouldn't make sense since Dream is basically his sugar daddy who pays for everything. Maybe he wants to borrow his phone charger?

"Fuck, Sapnap, you virgin. Where are the goddamn condoms?" Dream whines, forgetting to be quiet, and Sapnap fights the urge to choke and shriek.

Did he hear that right? Condoms? Dream, his innocent, lovable, best friend actually gets some? Who? He literally never leaves the house ever.

Patches chirps loudly, breaking the quiet rule because her owner broke it first. Dream snorts and says, "yeah, I agree with you, Patches. He probably doesn't have any because he's a bottom" and Sapnap has to bite his tongue to stop him from retaliating.

Dream waltzes inside his bedroom, messes around with his stuff, and then proceeds to call him a fucking bottom behind his back? This is unbelievable and unacceptable and Sapnap doesn't care that Dream has a good 18 and a half centimeters on him, he will throttle him.

His bubbling indignation subsides in a flash, however, when Dream kisses his forehead and mutters "love ya" before leaving his room with Patches.

Fine. Maybe he won’t throttle him.

After Sapnap hears the sound of their TV being turned on in the living room, he awakes from his fake slumber and blindly searches for his phone in the dark.

He spends a good minute looking for it until a sudden beam of light paired with a familiar ding! cut the darkness in half.

A text?

George Today at 3:57 AM
@sapnap wake up

Of course it’s George. George who knows exactly what time it is in Orlando and still couldn’t give two shits. Sapnap internally cringes at his taste in men but texts him back anyway.

sapnap Today at 3:59 AM
i wasn’t sleeping in the 1st place idiot

George Today at 4:00 AM
what? Sapnap it’s literally 4 in the morning for you

sapnap Today at 4:00 AM
hello u literally pinged me and told me to wake up
dont u even dare try to lecture me

George Today at 4:00 AM
... okay good point
What were you even doing up at the spooky hours???

Well, Sapnap could tell George that he was tweeting about him on his newly made GeorgeNotFound stan account, but why would he humiliate himself like that?

He tries to think of a good lie but ultimately settles on dodging the question.

sapnap Today at 4:01 AM
why did u even text me at 9AM??? did u just wake up and text me 🥰 awww george

George doesn’t respond right away, which gives Sapnap time to go on Twitter.

He’s still logged into his GeorgeNotFound stan account, so his timeline is full of George’s face (he likes them all) and countless (thirsty) edits of him.

As he’s scrolling down another stan account’s feed, he gets a reply back.

George Today at 4:04 AM
dodging the question only makes you look more suspicious dumbass

A funny response immediately pops into Sapnap’s head and he wastes no time typing it out.

sapnap Today at 4:04 AM
oh woe is me... u caught me
i was actually making out with dreamie (;

George Today at 4:04 AM
Don’t even say that

The abnormally fast response has Sapnap’s suspicions raised, but he'd rather tease George than ask about it.

sapnap Today at 4:05 AM
u dont have to be jealous, gog
i wont take him from u... i couldnt even if i tried, mr Pretty Privilege

George Today at 4:06 AM
Stupid
just go to sleep. make sure to text me when you wake up

sapnap Today at 4:06 AM
aw (っ- ‸ – ς) dont feel like talking to me for longer?

George Today at 4:06 AM
yeah
talking to you this early in the morning isn't good for my health

sapnap Today at 4:07 AM
yeah yeah whatever
night loser
mwah <3!

George Today at 4:07 AM
Ngl i hope you have nightmares <3

Sapnap feels like an idiot when he smiles and giggles at the last message George sent him, but he can't help himself. He's pretty sure blushing like a schoolgirl is a very common thing for people to do when it comes to George.

"Fuck," he whispers to the dark. He meant every word of that tweet.

GeorgeNotFound is completely unfair. Should be illegal in all countries and banished to the deepest pit of hell.

Voices. Loud voices.

Morning light pours in through the gap of his two curtains and momentarily blinds Sapnap when he wakes up to the sound of screaming.

It's concerning, yes, because the shouts sound genuinely panicked and Dream usually tells him when someone is coming over, but the only thought that crosses Sapnap's mind is George told me to text him when I woke up.

Text George or go check out who's yelling in his home at 7 AM.

Hmm.

Maybe he should go downstairs first. George will wait.

So he does just that. The screams only get louder every step Sapnap takes down the stairs and just as he's on the last stair, he recognizes the other voice that isn't Dream.

Why is Punz here this early in the morning?

Curious, Sapnap sneakily makes his way to the kitchen and carefully peeks his head out from behind the wall.

"Holy fucking shit, Punz, get it the fuck out my kitchen!" Dream shrieks from on top of the table.

"You said it yourself, it's your kitchen! Dream, it's your fucking house! Just shoo it away!" Punz yells back from where he's tucked into the corner.

Sapnap looks around and quickly finds the "it" their talking about.

There's a pigeon in their sink.

Wow. He could've been texting George and eating pancakes right now, but no.

With a loud sigh, Sapnap finally decides to make himself known. "Good morning," he nonchalantly greets them as he walks over to the window above the pigeon and opens it.

They all silently watch as the pigeon hops out of the sink and stares out the window for a good minute or so. It looks back at Sapnap with its red, beady eyes before it finally spreads its wings and flies out.

"Come back soon!" Sapnap shouts out the window before shutting it. He turns back to look at Dream and Punz who've both stayed silent this whole time and oh my god, he's so used to being the idiot in these situations that it feels unreal. "Nothing to say? Really?"

"... Did we wake you up?" Dream timidly asks, still on the table.

"What do you think seeing that I'm here, obviously awake?" Sapnap sarcastically says, no actual bite to his words. He sighs again, running a hand through his hair. "Okay, I'm choosing to forget this ever happened. Punz, what are you even doing here?"

Sapnap doesn't miss the way Dream flinches at his question, nor the way Punz directs his gaze at the tiled floor, but he decides to pretend he did. Guess he knows why Dream was looking for condoms in his room now. "Never mind. Dream, you gonna make breakfast or?"

"Yeah, I was gonna make french toast," Dream scratches the back of his neck, "before, you know..."

"Before the bird?"

"Before the bird."

"Alrighty then, c'mon, Punz. Let me kick your ass in Mario Kart, 'kay?" Sapnap grabs Punz by the hood of his white hoodie and drags him out of the kitchen.

Punz snorts. "Oh, someone's ass is gonna get kicked. Just not mine."

A snarky retort danced on his tongue, ready to be spat out, but then Sapnap froze.

"What?" Punz questioned.

"I have to text George." Sapnap let go of the other, remembering that his phone is back upstairs in his room. It's probably buried underneath his numerous pillows and panda plushies.

"You have to? Why?" Punz asks, but he has that knowing glint in his eye that Sapnap doesn't like one bit.

Then and there, Sapnap contemplates why he's so adamant about texting George. Is he just desperate? Does he want to flirt with George even more to get it through his thick skull that he has a major crush on him?

There's a lot of ways to go about answering, but Sapnap lets his mouth run without thinking (he's been doing that a lot lately) and the words that leave his mouth are, "'cause he told me to."

Oh. That sounds a bit, well, "simp-y". Oh no.

Sapnap's feels his entire body heat up and what he said was so cringe, it makes him want to shrivel up like a raisin.

"He told you to, huh?" Punz patted his shoulder in the most condescending way you could and gently pushed him. "Go on then. Tell your little British boy that you miss him and you dreamt about him all night and—"

"I'm telling him that you guys definitely fucked!" Sapnap shouted before running past Punz, laughing his ass all the way to his room where his phone was dangerously dangling off his bed.

sapnap Today at 7:13 AM
GEORGE!!!
@George @George
I NEED TO TELL U SMTH HELP GET UR DUMBASS ONLINE BEFORE I START SPAM CALLING U

He assumes it’ll take George at least five minutes to reply to him, so he decides to use that time to feed his fellow GeorgeNotFound stans.

Homiesexual 😘😳 @gnfxme ● 1m
okay no but imagine getting a tour of brighton by mr gnf & he takes you to all his fav places :(
whoever gets him is so so lucky
6 Retweets     0 Quote Tweets     24 Likes

Sapnap smiles down at his phone, reminiscing on the fond memories of his time in England where he had George all to himself. And then he frowns because he had initially planned to confess but ended up chickening out.

Ding!

George Today at 7:17 AM
WHAT WHAT WHATWHAT
tell me. I was sleeping whoops sorry also good morning :P

An idiot. George is such a lovable idiot who never fails to bring a smile on his face and god, he’s so out of his league it pains him.

Next time, Sapnap tells himself, I’ll do it. When the moments right and it’s just the two of us... I’ll definitely do it.

sapnap Today at 7:17 AM
OKAY SO IT ALL STARTED LAST NIGHT (it was morning but whatevs) RIGHT

George Today at 7:28 AM
I. HOLY FUCKING SHIT??

sapnap Today at 7:28 AM
RIGHT?!2?2!?/!
but are we even surprised really.

"Sapnap, get your ass down here! Breakfast is ready and we need to talk!"

This is not where Sapnap wants to be on a Friday afternoon.

It’s incredibly hot outside and here he is, sitting on concrete stairs that could burn his flesh off. He feels like a dog tied to a tree, sadly forced to stay outside and wait for its owner to come back and isn’t that what’s basically happening right now?

Well, except for the fact that he’s not a dog and Dream is not his owner. He isn’t some type of freak who’s into puppy play with his millionaire childhood best friend or whatever.

With George, however? Now that’s a different story entirely that we will not be unravelling today.

"'Just wait for me, I’ll be quick' my ass," Sapnap grumbles, repeating what Dream said to him about fifteen minutes ago with scorn.

He’s been glaring at the ground, taking his anger out on small pebbles he finds wedged in the cracks of the stairs and trying to throw them across the street. His farthest— a flat, round pebble with a reddish tint and tiny specks of white dotting its entire body— made it two thirds of a way across the crosswalk.

Searching for another one, Sapnap digs his nail into the cracks and a deformed, but shiny pebble surfaces.

He inspects it for a bit. It truly is a strange shape— sort of looks like Ditto.

And as much as he loves Ditto, it's time for them to part ways. Goodbye, Ditto rock, he bids it farewell before whipping it as hard as he can and uh oh, people are crossing the street.

Sapnap immediately looks away when it hits a kid's arm. The kid gasps, crouching in the middle of the crosswalk to pick up the Ditto rock and going "mom! mom! it looks like ditto!".

Sapnap smiles. So it wasn't just his heat-addled brain.

"So, you're the type of person who throws rocks at children?"

Startled, Sapnap looks for the source of the voice. He finds it in the form of a guy— probably about his age, if he were to guess. He looks a little too tall and a little too confident, but never judge a book by its cover and whatnot, right?

"Um. No? It just... slipped out of my hand," Sapnap awkwardly says.

"Oh, I see! Forgive me for making assumptions." The guy gives him a smile with teeth that look too white to be real.

This random stranger sort of puts Sapnap on edge, but he might as well indulge him with a conversation. Sapnap may not be the best at conversation— especially in real life and to unfamiliar people— but he's bored and this guy doesn't seem too bad.

"You are forgiven. But really, I didn't mean to hit the kid. I'm just grumpy because I've been sacrificed to the sun by my very fake and very rude best friend," Sapnap explains, or, well, tries to, folding his hands neatly on his lap.

"Uh huh, got it. Say, what's your—"

"Sorry I took longer than expected! Let's gooo...?" Dream bursts out the door with incredibly impeccable timing, trailing off as he looks from Sapnap to the stranger and back to Sapnap. His eyes then comically widen because oh shit, he's Dream, that Minecraft guy who's notorious for being faceless and he awkwardly ducks his head.

"This must be your sacrificer! Aha, sorry, I'll get out of your way now." The guy sheepishly laughs, locking eye contact with Sapnap before swiftly turning on his heel, walking away.

Once the guy was out of earshot, Dream fixed Sapnap with an unimpressed look. "Flirting with a stranger on the streets? Shame, Sap. Shame."

Sapnap gawks. Dream's always telling him to "get out there" and "make friends" but when he actually does talk to someone, it's called flirting? "I wasn't—"

"Uh huh, can it, Mr. Playboy."

"Playboy???"

Dream's streaming, and Sapnap is sitting on the floor, watching him.

It's weird, since it's usually the reverse, but Sapnap finds himself not minding the switch.

About ten minutes into the stream and George joins because of course he does. Sapnap wants to say hi, wants to talk to him, wants to be with his friends, and he should! There's nothing stopping him but at the same time, there's everything stopping him.

Like his overwhelming anxiety and fear of being annoying and this goddamn Candy Crush level that he's determined to pass.

He's down to three lives when he hears Dream say, "oh, Sap was totally flirting with this random guy on the sidewalk," and he accidentally swipes, wasting a move.

What.

Sapnap grabs the panda plushie beside him and hurls it at Dream, causing him to start cackling.

George starts yelling at Dream to explain while Sapnap shakes his head vigorously, begging his friend to say he's joking because he is.

But Dream is a terrible, horrible person, so of course he feeds his audience and George his nasty little lies while Sapnap tries to deny them.

When the stream is ended, Sapnap is curled up on the floor, given up on trying to stop Dream's lies. Dream only laughs and ruffles his hair, telling him he's going to make macaroni and cheese before leaving the room.

Then he gets a text.

George Today at 10:43 PM
was dream lying or

Sapnap blinks. That's... unexpected.

He hurriedly types back a response.

sapnap Today at 10:43 PM
it wasnt flirting nimrod
do u think i'd really do that??? u know i got no game gog
plus on the STREET? like some common WHORE?
thought u knew me better

George Today at 10:44 PM
shut up I do know you
just wanted to make sure

sapnap Today at 10:44 PM
??? make sure of what exactly

George Today at 10:45 PM
make sure you aren't actually cheating on karl and q duh
what else?

sapnap Today at 10:45 PM
its okay to be jealous <3333

George Today at 10:45 PM
Die <3333333333

Homiesexual 😘😳 @gnfxme ● 10:45 PM
wow i wish georgenotfound would randomly come up to me and start flirting with me
like if u agree
39 Retweets     2 Quote Tweets     876 Likes

"I'm going out."

When Dream calls him downstairs to tell him this, Sapnap is thorougly surprised but confused on why Dream couldn't just text him this.

"Oookay? Two times this week? That's a new record." Sapnap nods, more than ready to go skittering back to his room.

Dream isn't done talking yet, though, because he mumbles, "at nine."

Nine? Sapnap's eyebrows furrow. "That's pretty late. You going off to a secret drug deal, Dreamie? Want me to come as backup?" He jokes, secretly studying Dream's expression and oh. "Or is Punz already your backup?"

Ding. Dream coughs and picks at his white t-shirt, nodding.

"Wow, Punz really took my place, huh?" Sapnap dramatically sighed.

"Idiot. Nobody could take your place." Dream rolled his eyes. "Plus, I know I'm your second favourite sugar daddy, right after Ge—"

"Finish your sentence and you're not gonna be able to go on that date."

Sapnap’s alone in the house.

This is a very rare occurrence. He could do almost anything and Dream wouldn’t know.

Like make a Carrd for his GeorgeNotFound stan account.

He hums a happy tune, saving all these images of George on his phone. What can he say? He’s so, so pretty.

And so, so out of his league.

Wait. No he’s not. They’ve been friends since the end of time. And Sapnap knows for a fucking fact that realistically, they could make it work. Even their zodiac signs are a good match!

He’s not gonna get anywhere with his Twitter stan account.

Then his brain turns off and he goes on Full Impulse Mode.

sapnap Today at 9:34 PM
GEORGE GEORRGE GOGY
@George @George @George

(Im)patiently waiting, Sapnap’s leg bounces up and down until he gets a reply.

George Today at 9:36 PM
what do you want idiot

sapnap Today at 9:36 PM
I NEED UR FULL ATTENTION FOR THIS OKAY LIKE STOP WHATEVER YOURE DOING FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
https://twitter.com/gnfxme

Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god— he’s nervous. It’s fine. It’s fine. George won’t think it’s weird or creepy. Will he?

George Today at 9:39 PM
???? Sap, what is this?

sapnap Today at 9:39 PM
I MADE THIS ACCOUNT AND I WANTED TO SHOW IT TO U BECAUSE HAHA FUNNY MOMENT 🤣 MAYBE EVEN
BLUSHY MOMENT???? 🙀😳⁉️

George Today at 9:40 PM
What

sapnap Today at 9:40 PM
WHAT

George Today at 9:43 PM
"okay but why tf does GeorgeNotFound make me feel things though?? literally SO unfair, that man"
"okay no but imagine getting a tour of brighton by mr gnf & he takes you to all his fav places :( whoever gets him is so so lucky"
"wow i wish georgenotfound would randomly come up to me and start flirting with me like if u agree"
sap I have a hard time believing you said all this

sapnap Today at 9:43 PM
FINE THEN HERE LOOK
IM GONNA SAY ILY GEORGENOTFOUND OKAY???

George Today at 9:43 PM
sure

In a haste, Sapnap goes on his stan account and types "ILY GEORGENOTFOUND", hitting post.

Homiesexual 😘😳 @gnfxme ● 1s
ILY GEORGENOTFOUND
0 Retweets     0 Quote Tweets     0 Likes

This is so gay.

sapnap Today at 9:44 PM
BOOM!!!

George Today at 9:44 PM
okay well what exactly do I do with this information

sapnap Today at 9:45 PM
UM
DEPENDS WHAT U WANNA DO WITH IT

George Today at 9:45 PM
okay but first TURN OFF CAPS LOCK IM GONNA STRANGLE YOU

sapnap Today at 9:45 PM
NEVER!!!
ALSO GEORGE MY GUY MY MAN I DONT THINK U WANNA GET ANYWHERE NEAR MY NECK SINCE IM A TAD BIT #HOMO AND MIGHT LIKE THAT WJEBKRBSK XD FUNNY

George Today at 9:46 PM
YOU’RE ACTUALLY SO DUMB
WHEN I GET TO FLORIDA IM GONNA WINE AND DINE YOU SO HARD OKAY

sapnap Today at 9:46 PM
CAN I HAVE MY CARBONATED MELON MILK INSTEAD OF WINE

George Today at 9:46 PM
JUICE BOX AND DINE THEN
okay?

sapnap Today at 9:47 PM
okay! :D
so u wanna call and have phone sex or