Work Text:
Yoongi is greeted by the feeling of damp socks when he takes off his shoes after getting home. Not the greatest feeling, absolutely not, and even worse after a twelve-hour turned almost fifteen-hour shift where everything went as wrong as possible and then a little bit more.
He's about to barge in to scream at Namjoon, because it's only the two of them at the apartment, so it has got to be Namjoon's doing, when he hears Namjoon's voice from inside.
— Yoongi-hyung, you're home! So, something happened…
He steps into the apartment and freezes. The ceiling— there isn't half of it. Some drops of water still coming down from the many holes on it, and the space is a mess, everything looking a little wet — minus Yoongi's shelves on their shared bookcase, which were covered with their raincoats. There is even a pile of what fell down from the ceiling in a corner of the square they call their living room.
It looked like Namjoon had tried to make the room look presentable, but it was a losing game right from the start.
— What the fuck?
— Yeah. Look, hyung, I called the apartment manager and our insurance, everything is sort of taken care of, but—
— Are you okay? Were you home when this hellhole opened up?
Yoongi rushes to Namjoon, and that's the other's cue to drop his head on the kitchen counter and groan. All Yoongi can do is run his fingers through Namjoon's hair in an attempt to soothe his roommate. And as a little treat and torture all in one.
— I wasn't. Home, I mean. When I got here it had already happened, I just had to deal with the aftermath. And I did! I called everyone I had to call, took pictures, cleaned up what I could… But now we have nowhere to stay, hyung. Our friends' couches are all taken, I asked.
— I'm too old to stay in couches anyway. Let's go to a bathhouse or something.
Namjoon huffs and leans into Yoongi's touch. Yoongi tries to control his heart, thinks of the facts and leaves out the emotions. It's fruitless, as usual, but he can honestly say he tried.
— Hyung, the last thing I want is to be around more people. I just want a room for myself where I can cry from exhaustion in peace.
— Yah! — Just the thought of Namjoon crying makes Yoongi's eyes sting, and he presses them closed to make it stop. — Then let's get a room at a love motel? — His voice lowers and lowers as he realizes what he's about to say, but he finishes it anyway. He tries not to wince when Namjoon turns his head a little to lock eyes with Yoongi. He doesn’t look pleased.
— Sorry, I wasn't… I don't know, Namjoon-ah, these are the options around here. Sorry.
— They're going to give us this month's rent back.
Yoongi just has to think about it for a second for his stomach to start hurting a little.
— Because it's going to take that long to fix everything, isn't it?
— Look, it was the upstairs apartment's fault, apparently they went out for a few days and a faucet broke or something while they were gone and was just running non-stop. They're trying to argue with the building management, it's a whole thing, I can't even care. All I know is that while that's not taken care of, they won't start the repairs, but they also have a deadline on that. It's in our lease.
— Namjoon-ah. Too many words.
Namjoon apologizes, because he knows Yoongi is always exhausted after his shifts, and turns his head down again to face the counter. Yoongi continues to caress Namjoon's hair as he thinks about their situation now.
From the looks of it, they'll have to find somewhere to stay for a couple of days, maybe weeks. Yoongi's already dreading pretty much everything. His life is perfectly organized for his needs, and he doesn't have time to reorganize himself or his schedule. Nor does he want to.
But it's not as if he has a choice now.
Namjoon's phone rings with an incoming call, interrupting both their chaotic thoughts, and when Namjoon sees it's Jimin he answers it and puts it on speaker, just turning his head a bit so his voice isn't muffled, but still within Yoongi's reach.
— You are so lucky to have such a terrific dongsaeng…
— Oh, so we're already there? Great. Namjoon-ah, hang up on him. Nothing good can come after that.
— Sheesh, hyung, I'm here trying to help…
Yoongi has to hold himself from hanging the call up himself, and Namjoon asks Jimin to speak.
— Look, Namjoon-hyung and grumpy-hyung, I found a perfect place for you to stay! — Yoongi rolls his eyes at the nickname, already thinking about everything that could be wrong with Jimin's suggestion, but Namjoon hums for Jimin to continue and Yoongi chooses to focus on Namjoon. More specifically on his silky soft hair and the fact he's been letting Yoongi pet him for the last ten minutes or so. — I won't even ask anything from Yoongi-hyung, because I'm aware this is an emergency.
— Yah! Why would you ask only me?
— Because I'm a nuisance to you only. Namjoon-hyung is too sweet, I could never annoy him.
Namjoon laughs a little at that, and all the anger building inside Yoongi disappears. It's tragicomic how gone he is for Namjoon.
— Anyway. It's a family-owned place two blocks away from your apartment, so you wouldn't even have to change your routines. And it offers all meals, Yoongi-hyung can take a break from running the kitchen for a few days.
Not that he minds it, Yoongi loves cooking and even more if it's for Namjoon too. Laughable, really.
— Send us the address, Jimin-ah. And thank you.
— Yeah, thank you. Little punk.
They bicker a little bit more — they as in Yoongi and Jimin, and Namjoon busies himself with the link Jimin had already sent while they wrap up. Yoongi loses steam pretty fast now that he doesn't have Namjoon's hair between his fingers, though, so soon enough they're calling the place to ask if they have rooms available.
Which they do.
One.
Yoongi and Namjoon have been living together for years, but it's been some time since they had to share a room. Given their situation, though, they take it.
It's only then that Yoongi adventures inside his bedroom, and luckily there is not much visible damage other than some leaking, and Yoongi smiles bitterly at how his standards have lowered considerably for him to think "at least I still have a ceiling" and it being a good thing and not a sure thing. He takes his clothes and tries not to think about how his mattress and possibly whole bed are as good as gone.
He doesn't ask Namjoon about the state of the other bedroom, but it being closer to the living room, Yoongi doesn't have a good feeling about it.
They reconvene by the front door only a few minutes later, Yoongi making sure all the appliances are unplugged and covered with some plastic, in case something else happens. He also takes all the food from the fridge, making the two of them carry another bag each. Namjoon doesn't complain, though, as he is very invested in Yoongi's food.
The walk is slow and quiet, each fighting the tiredness of the day and the weight of their bags. When they get there, they only have to knock twice before a woman opens the door to them and hurries back inside, urging them to do the same.
Once they're inside, she notices the bundles of food and takes them without a word, disappearing inside the house for a second to put them in the fridge (Yoongi hopes). They take off their shoes and go inside just enough to not be directly by the door.
When she's back, she once again introduces herself as Chu Maeok, but tells them to call her halmeoni because as long as they're under her roof, they're her kids. They look at each other with questioning looks, but it's not like they're going to go against her wishes.
She beckons them to a bedroom, and only when they're inside is that they notice it only has one bed.
Actually, Yoongi notices it first, which causes a list of things to happen: Yoongi stops walking; Namjoon bumps into him; Yoongi yelps and is on his merry way to face-plant on the floor; Namjoon holds him by his waist and belly and pulls him back to keep him from falling, making them practically touch from head to toe as Yoongi finds his balance again.
Maeok watches it happen with a rather fond look on her face, a look that changes to suspicion when she looks at their hands. More specifically their left hands.
— You don't have wedding rings?
Yoongi latches onto the word ring alone, his tired brain unable to do much more, and he blurts out that he's not allowed to wear rings at work so he just doesn't use rings at all. Namjoon is quiet behind him, slowly letting go of Yoongi and going to his side.
She then focuses on Namjoon, who mumbles he loses everything. She looks angry for a second, then she scoffs and waves her hand at them.
— My husband is the same. I made him wear his wedding ring on a necklace, and it's worked, he hasn't lost it in… Four years? Yeah, something like that. A little tip for you. The bathroom is that door. I'll make breakfast at six, but don't worry about waking up that early. I'll put your portions aside, just eat when you want to. Any food allergies?
— No seafood. — Yoongi answers for Namjoon faster than Namjoon can think for himself.
— Fish ok?
— Yes.
Then she's wishing them good night and closing the door behind her.
They stand there, awkwardly looking at the bed that is big but not big enough to accommodate both of them and also leave some space in between. At least that's what Yoongi is considering. Namjoon is still hung up on Yoongi answering about his allergy in a heartbeat.
Yoongi clears his throat and announces he's going to take a shower. He's out the door before Namjoon can say anything back.
Locked inside the bathroom, Yoongi puts his hands beneath running water to ground himself. He tries to put everything into perspective, but all he can think is that he and Namjoon are sharing a bed. Like a panicked teenager about to meet their crush at school, Yoongi mocks himself and tries to turn off his brain as he gets ready to have some needed sleep. Surely he can hold himself together for a few minutes when he goes back to the bedroom and their singular bed.
Or he cannot!
The sight of his dreams greets Yoongi as he walks back into the room, and he has to congratulate his knees for not giving up then and there.
And it's just Namjoon laying down in bed, but the space left by his side is not Yoongi-sized. It's not even Holly-sized, Yoongi thinks, and he has to shake his head to try and think straight. Or, well, at least not panicked gay.
Namjoon notices him and sits up, looking down as he fiddles with the sheets.
— What?
— What what?
— You want to say something. Just say it, Namjoon-ah.
— Do you want me to sleep on the floor? I know I take up a lot of space…
Yoongi is saying no before he can make his tone not so eager, but what's done is done. He says no again, calmer this time, and Namjoon relaxes, but only a little. Yoongi is starting to panic for at least seven different reasons when Namjoon asks if Yoongi can do him a favor.
— Look, hyung, I know it's a little weird, but Taehyung…
— That's explained then.
— Hyung. Taehyung got me used to sleeping with something in my arms, but there are only two pillows here. I checked. And mine at home… I don't even want to think about them. So… Please, hyung? Or… I hope it's not too much to ask…
— Wait. What?
— Can I hold you?
Yoongi's knees do give up after that, but he's close enough to the bed to make it look like he's just sitting down.
It's something he's been dreaming about for the past who knows how long, but in a twisted way, like some sick genie is playing games with poor Yoongi. But how can he say no when Namjoon is looking at him so expectantly? And it's not like they're not used to some sort of physical touches, (but not to that extent,) Yoongi tries to reason with himself as he feels shivers slowly go up and down his body.
So that's what happens. Namjoon goes to the bathroom, Yoongi stays in the same place trying to control his heart. His silly little heart that is happier than ever, ignoring that the situation is not what it wants it to be.
He does such a bad job at calming himself that when Namjoon enters the room, Yoongi almost jumps in surprise at his presence.
— Sorry, hyung.
— No, that's ok. I just need some sleep.
That is Namjoon's cue to lay down, and as he opens his arms as an invitation, Yoongi tries to reason that he has to take this opportunity. He knows it's stupid, knows it doesn't work that way, but rational thoughts are nowhere as loud as the frenzied ones telling him that he better enjoy this as it's not happening again and he must take what he can get.
They move around a bit to get comfortable, legs getting tangled up and Yoongi ends up with a hand on Namjoon's chest and another pressed to his own heart, feeling embarrassed at how fast it's going.
— Is this a bad time to talk about how apparently we're married?
Yoongi thinks about just humming in response, but Namjoon deserves more than that. Especially when he's so comfortable. Yoongi's glad the lights are out, because he can feel the heat of embarrassment going up from his neck to his ears at the thought.
— Yes, I'd think so. But hey, at least she's very accepting. That's nice.
— That's also the bare minimum, hyung.
— Hey, not always. Yah.
— What was that for?
— I don't know, Namjoon-ah. My brain has logged off about two hours ago.
For some reason, the sick genie intervenes once again and makes Namjoon hold Yoongi just a little closer. Or that's the explanation that comes first to Yoongi's mind.
— Ok, hyung, sorry, I'll shut up. We can deal with this tomorrow.
— You're a sweetheart, Joon-ah.
A whiff of Namjoon's mint toothpaste when he laughs a little makes Yoongi's thoughts go haywire, and he pretends to be asleep, because he can't keep a conversation going anymore, not with Namjoon's warmth seeping into him.
Yoongi wakes up the next day in a confused state, taking some time to remember the events that led him to a room in someone else's house. And then he remembers everything.
He's alone, thankfully, so he can cringe in peace. He allows himself all the works: groaning, hitting his legs on the mattress, screaming into the pillow… If a teenager has done it in a movie, best be sure Yoongi did it too. Then he remembers he's 29 (he decided on New Year's he'd uphold the international age system from then on) and quiets down.
A grown man shouldn't be this affected by sharing a bed with his roommate, Yoongi tries to reason, but not even he can keep the line of thought going because the whole situation is ridiculous and he's allowed to feel, goddammit!
And it's not like it's his fault he's practically in love with his straight roommate. He's a walking cliché, sure, but he's not at fault here. If anything, Namjoon is the one at fault, just by existing as himself. Not fair.
Sometimes, when he lets himself think about this, he feels pathetic. He knows it's a ridiculous situation, but it's not as if he's keeping himself from anything. No one has sparkled his interest as Namjoon has, and Yoongi can say he's not closed himself off from meeting other people, he just hasn't met someone he felt like being in a relationship with. He lets Jimin drag him places from time to time, if someone approaches him he is nothing but nice, he's had his flings, but this is just not a priority in his life.
He's ok, really, he just wishes he wasn't the cliche gay guy in love with his straight roommate. And! He can't even say he is In Love in love, since he and Namjoon aren't that close to begin with. They share an apartment, sure, sometimes they watch something together or cook together (as in Namjoon stands in the way when Yoongi is trying to get something), but that's it.
Truth be told, Yoongi has tried to keep a certain distance, even if it doesn't really matter since Namjoon can be attentive even from afar. He brings Yoongi snacks, coffee, books he thinks are interesting, even one time a cat plushie that Yoongi just stared at for a moment too long and Namjoon tried to take back, thinking his hyung was offended, only for Yoongi to clutch it to his chest and run to his room. It's currently at the very bottom of his backpack, by the way.
So, it's not that unreasonable that a panic gay would fall for such a guy. What's unreasonable is getting to share a bed with said guy.
Even if it was one of Yoongi's best night's sleep ever.
He decides he's done sulking, so he gathers his stuff and gets himself and the room tidied up then goes to the kitchen, where Maeok is preparing lunch.
— Yoongi-yah! Sit, sit. Namjoon left something for you, here. — She goes to the fridge and comes back with what looks like half an iced americano in one hand and… The ice from it in the other. — He's such a delight. Ah! Jagiya, the vacuum cleaner! — She yells into another room, and Yoongi can barely hear a "yes" from there before the appliance is turned on. — Namjoon told us that you'd be sleeping in because you just worked a very long shift, so we kept quiet. Eat!
It's a lot happening all at once, and Yoongi has a hard time keeping up with everything. He's still trying to keep his heart from bursting because of the coffee, but as soon as he's done with that he's got more lovely stuff in line to freak out about.
But Maeok doesn't give Yoongi the chance. For a self-proclaimed halmeoni, she sure has more energy than Yoongi himself.
They end up talking a lot — Yoongi provides many topics so she doesn't ask about Namjoon — as she prepares the food and makes Yoongi sit down for a change. He does get her to let him wash everything, though, so there's that.
After a pleasant meal with Maeok and her husband, Jangmul, Yoongi decides to go to the apartment to see what he can do there.
He has plenty to do, he discovers; just the clean up has him exhausted — and he doesn't even go into Namjoon's room, because he isn't sure it'd be allowed. He doesn't know the roommate etiquette for "half our ceiling caved in".
After some thought, he decides on calling Namjoon to ask for permission to enter his room. He feels bad about leaving just his room a mess when the rest of the house is spotless. If you only look down, that is.
For some reason, he ends up calling Jungkook.
— Hello, baby panic gay.
— Hello, daddy panic gay hyung.
— Don't call me this!
— Don't call me that!
— Fine, let's start over. Hello, Jungkook-ah.
As Jungkook answers back politely, Yoongi sprawls out on the living room floor and immediately regrets it, because then he's staring right at the inside of the ceiling and he doesn't like that. He stands up and decides on the kitchen floor — it's not as wide, but he can manage since it's only him there for the moment.
— I'm not supposed to do that, right? — Yoongi asks after briefly explaining his dilemma.
— Yeah, I wouldn't.
— Aish. Then I have to call him and ask. That's. Not ideal.
Jungkook lets out a small snicker, but Yoongi knows there's no malice to it. It's more of an "I understand what you're going through" kind of thing, even if it's absurd. Two halves of a whole idiot, these two.
— Text him?
— Mm. I don't know if he'd see it.
— So, hyung, sorry to be the carrier of bad news but you have to call that delicious hunk of a man and ask him for permission to go through his stuff.
— Yah, I'm not going through his stuff! And yah! Just! Shut up!
This time there is nothing but malice to Jungkook's laughter, and still Yoongi lets it slide.
— Just trying to lighten the mood, hyung.
— You're all talk but put the two of you in a room and you can't mutter a single word at him.
— That's precisely why I'm a panic gay, hyung.
— You're a nuisance, that's what you are.
Jungkook giggles with amusement and Yoongi is glad at least one of them is enjoying this conversation. Now he's wondering if Namjoon will think he wants to snoop around his room, which is far from the truth. He really just wants to help.
— Hyung, don't overthink it. Just call Namjoon-hyung and explain you're cleaning up and ask if he'd like you to do his room as well. It's not that big of a deal.
— You make me think things and then come saying it's not that big of a deal. I hate you.
The sound of kisses is Yoongi's only answer, so he hangs up. There is a smile on his face he'll never admit there ever was.
And then he regrets hanging up, because now he has no excuse for not calling Namjoon.
It's not like he's trying to be a mess, but that's where he's at right now. But he powers through and calls Namjoon, who answers barely on the second ring.
— Hyung, something wrong?
— No, no, I just came by our apartment to clean up a bit more and was wondering if I could… If you'd like me to clean up your room as well? — Yoongi curls on himself at how weird he thinks he just sounded.
— Oh, um, I don't want to burden you, hyung.
— That's ok, Namjoon-ah, it's not a burden. I'm already here and I've done the whole place but your room, it feels unfair to you.
Yoongi wonders if maybe he's pushing too much, if maybe he sounds like he wants to go inside Namjoon's bedroom for whatever reason. He's about to backtrack when Namjoon says it's ok if it's not asking too much, and Yoongi's brain supplies him with half a dozen cheesy lines in lieu of answer, but luckily Namjoon says he has to go and just thanks Yoongi and hangs up.
After some minutes gathering cleaning supplies and courage, Yoongi convinces himself he's not trespassing and enters Namjoon's bedroom.
As far as furniture goes, their bedrooms are pretty similar, the standard from the real estate agency they rent from — although Namjoon has a new bedside table and chair because, well… He broke his and had to replace them.
What draws Yoongi's eyes is the corkboard on the wall next to the door, with pictures and notes from Namjoon's friends, miraculously intact. And there are quite some notes from Yoongi, things like "check the oven!" or "it's your turn to do the dishes", each with a little drawing to go with. The drawings are the parts that are more on display, most of the words being covered by other pieces of paper.
Yoongi started doing that in hopes to soften the message when it was related to chores, and then one day he caught Namjoon smiling at one, (got all defensive), Namjoon said it was cute and ever since Yoongi makes sure to put a little something on each note. He didn't expect Namjoon to save them, though; he thought Namjoon would just smile at them, which was already worth it, and throw them away. But this? No.
Look, Yoongi is trying. He's trying very hard not to be a lovesick fool, but Namjoon doesn't fucking help. So he puts on music with the volume all the way up, sure this is not good for his ears, and speeds up so he can leave already.
Frustrated and a little bit sad after the clean up, or rather after finding out Namjoon is a bigger sweetheart than he already thought, Yoongi goes to Seokjin and Hoseok's house. The two of them ought to help, Seokjin taking his part as hyung very seriously and Hoseok being care and love embodied.
— Yoongi-yah!
Seokjin is first to greet him, and Yoongi swerves from his hug, getting caught not a second later. Perhaps that’s exactly what Yoongi needed, so his struggle isn’t even believable.
— Hyung…
— Shut up, Yoongi-yah, you love hyung!
— Yoongi-hyung!
Yoongi only has a moment to breathe before Hoseok is the one squeezing him with a hug. He huffs and puffs as well, all for show. He already feels better and hasn't even stepped inside their house. They're great. And Yoongi will never say this outloud; Seokjin can never know, he doesn't need the ego boost.
— Come on, hyung is making dinner. Are you staying? Say yes, Yoongi-yah.
— Yeah, sure. Thanks.
They follow Seokjin to the kitchen, and he immediately puts them to work. On the other side of the counter. Away from the stove. Yoongi doesn't mind.
— Hyung, how is your apartment? Is it too bad?
— Not that much. Namjoon had cleaned up some yesterday and today I finished cleaning everything, but we're still ceiling-less for the most part. It's not leaking anymore, so that's good, I guess.
Hoseok agrees enthusiastically and Yoongi tells them about the house they're staying in, about how nice Maeok is and absolutely not a peep about the one bed situation. They sort of know Yoongi has a soft spot for Namjoon, but they have never acknowledged it other than Seokjin teasing Yoongi every now and then, and he's not about to confess it to their lovey-dovey asses.
Although Seokjin is not that affectionate, at least when it comes to physical touch, he's been with Hoseok long enough for it to have rubbed off on him. And also the endless hopeless romanticism.
So, Yoongi basks in their presence, lets Seokjin baby him a little, stores Hoseok's warmth as strength and goes home.
Or— Maeok's home.
The funny thing is that, when he arrives, Namjoon is already there, and he feels at home.
Funny or heart-crushing, dealer's choice.
Yoongi feels like he’s regressed and is back to the beginning of their living together and also of Yoongi’s fool of a heart demise.
— Here. — Yoongi hands Namjoon a bag with food Seokjin had sent him. He also sent a wink that Yoongi will not forward, a dialogue that lasted about ten minutes and consisted of Seokjin saying things along the lines of “I’m your hyung, do what I say” and Yoongi answering back with “you can’t make me if I’m away from you” over and over again. There were some forehead flicks as well. Hoseok curiously disappeared from the room while his two hyungs acted like toddlers.
Namjoon eyes the bag curiously and Yoongi explains its origins as he gathers his stuff to get ready to bed. He's got his shift next morning, better have as many hours of sleep as he can to prepare for it.
— Thank you, hyung. I'll make sure to thank Seokjin-hyung as well. I already ate, though…
— No worries. Do you mind if we turn the lights off a little earlier today?
— No, not at all. You're going to sleep already?
— Yeah, gotta be well-rested tomorrow.
When Yoongi returns to the bedroom, Namjoon leaves to go get ready to bed as well, although he doesn't need to sleep that early and usually doesn't. Which makes Yoongi feel a little guilty, on top of everything else.
Same as the night before, Yoongi is startled by Namjoon when he gets back to their bedroom, but Namjoon lets it slide. He puts his stuff away, but doesn't lay down; instead, he sits on the edge of the bed and asks if they can talk. Yoongi can practically feel sweat from nervousness start to form on his skin.
— Sure. What about?
— The being married thing?
This narrows down Yoongi's fears, and also makes them stronger, somehow. It's not great for Yoongi in his head.
— Ah. Do you want us to find another place? Or… Do you want me to leave?
— No, that's not what I'm saying, hyung. It's just… This morning when I was having breakfast she asked about you, and then she said some things about how she runs a respectable place and likes that we are a solid couple and… I might've agreed with her… I was afraid she'd kick us out if she knew! It's not like we did it on purpose, but we also didn't deny it last night, so…
— First of all, I take no responsibility for what I have said or done last night, I was spent, no brain cells in the house. But also it might've been my fault since I was the one who went along with the ring question, even if at the time I didn't really process the word wedding that came alongside it.
For this whole conversation neither of them looked at each other, and Yoongi is adamant in keeping it that way, especially when he feels how hot his ears are after the ring bit. He's lucky his hair is a bit grown out and he hopes it's enough to hide any incriminating evidence.
— So, hyung… It's agreed it was all a misunderstanding… And that we will— we will keep it misunderstood?
— I suppose… It doesn't bother you?
— No, why would it?
Why would it? Why would it? Yoongi can't believe he's being serious. He sure would be bothered if he had to pretend to be straight, but that's probably not the same. Possibly.
— You have to pretend you're married to a man when you don't even like men.
— Why… What?
— What what?
— Why would you say I don't like men when that's not true?
Yoongi has to sit up after that. But still facing forward.
— What do you mean you like men? I remember very clearly that I told you I was gay a couple of weeks after we became roommates and you said "cool! I'm not", how else was I supposed to interpret this?
— I'm ace.
Oh.
— Hyung. This whole time— don't tell me you thought I was straight. I'm offended. — Namjoon puts a hand over his heart, faking being hurt. He has a somewhat delighted expression, though, that Yoongi sadly misses, seeing how intent he is on not looking at Namjoon.
— You had a girlfriend for like three years!
— Yeah, well, I'm biromantic.
Oh.
— And hey! I did add this after I said I wasn't gay. I guess you didn't hear it. Oh! Yeah, I was getting ready to go get our food, right? I was probably too far when I said it. My bad?
Yoongi snaps his head to look at Namjoon, but his balance is a little off so he ends up falling from the bed.
Namjoon is by his side in a blink of an eye, helping Yoongi sit down properly and fussing over him.
— Ok, ok, I'm good. Just… Surprised.
— Just so you know, I'm still offended.
— I'm sorry, Namjoon-ah.
Yoongi scoots to the side of the bed and drops his head on the mattress, because he can't keep looking down and he definitely can't look at Namjoon, not with the way his heart is pounding with newfound hope.
And then it gets bad. He can't even enjoy this sparkle of hope before his brain supplies him with endless hurtful things, but one catches on the most: he likes men, just not you.
— Really, I'm sorry, Namjoon-ah. Can we sleep now? I really need my eight hours if I'm gonna make it to the end of the shift. — That's as good as it can get when it comes to an excuse, but Namjoon accepts it because Yoongi is constantly talking about how he needs to be in top shape to endure all those hours of work. And by that he means having to talk to people constantly throughout the day.
— Hyung…
— Mm?
— Can I still hold you?
Yoongi didn't think he'd have heart left to break, and still. One last hurrah?
— Sure, Joon-ah. Whatever you need.
They're both startled by Yoongi's alarm the next morning, a mess of arms and legs, but Namjoon is quick to let it go and snuggle back into Yoongi, who tries to move and is answered with a complaint from Namjoon when he hits their knees together.
— Sorry, sorry.
And then the most ridiculous thing happens: as Yoongi turns around in Namjoon's embrace, to grab and give his pillow to Namjoon so he has something to hold instead, Namjoon straight up kisses Yoongi's forehead before letting him go.
Yoongi is stunned there for a second, then his alarm rings again and he’s reminded he has to move. He hands Namjoon the pillow and fluffies his hair just because he can. And because he’s a masochist, by the looks of it.
— Go back to sleep now, you’ve still got time before your alarm rings.
— Ok, hyung. — Namjoon mumbles and hugs the pillow Yoongi gave him, already fast asleep.
From then on it is just downhill, because how can anything top that?
— No. Go away.
Yoongi is savoring a rare moment of calmness when Taehyung approaches him with his biggest boxy-smile to date. It is never a good sign for Yoongi.
— Hyung! I come all the way from my sector to give you nourishment and that's how you greet me?!
— Yes. Go away.
Taehyung dismisses Yoongi and enters the cubicle they insisted was big enough to keep all the utensils, medicine and a person. It's barely comfortable for Yoongi to move around in there, and now he's got company. Company that has made himself right at home in the stool Yoongi uses to reach the very high shelves. Talking about over 2 meters high here.
He unwraps two kimbaps and offers one to Yoongi, who takes it because if he's going to deal with Taehyung's antics he might as well get a meal out of it — but the second Yoongi touches the kimbap, a nurse appears asking for a whole list of stuff. As expected.
A couple of minutes later, Taehyung is nibbling on Yoongi's kimbap since his is already gone.
— Yah! That's mine!
— Calm down, I was just making sure it isn't poisoned or anything.
— If it is, just let me die.
— Whoa, hyung…
Yoongi grabs the kimbap from Taehyung and starts munching on it before someone else comes knocking.
It ends way too quickly, and Taehyung was suspiciously quiet the whole time, but Yoongi is too exhausted to explore it. And he’s sure Taehyung will blab about it any time now.
— Thank you for the meal, now shoo. — It’s cute that Yoongi still tries.
— Well, it was all a ploy and you fell for it. Now spill.
— I know it was, I just don't care. Bye.
— Little birdie told me you and Namjoon-hyung are back to sharing a single bedroom… — The eye roll Taehyung gets is one for the books, but he doesn't let it affect him. Never has, won't start now. — How does it feel, hyung? To be this close to the man of your dreams and…
— Taehyung-ah. Please shut up. I really can't talk about this right now. — Or ever, Yoongi completes in his mind. The second of delicious obliviousness is gone, and Yoongi feels the sadness seep into his bones at this point.
Taehyung must see something in Yoongi, because he doesn't push. Instead, he decides to take his hyung's mind off of whatever he's going through.
— I've decided I'm going to ask Jungkook out.
— Fucking finally.
— That's exactly what Jimin said!
— How is he?
Taehyung sighs and looks down. He also feels like a genie is playing games with him, giving him what he wants but not in the way he wants them.
— He's fine, obviously, or I wouldn't go through with this. I just wish he were there already.
— There?
— You know. Liking Jungkook. Like I do.
— Ah. Give it time. Jimin is on his way.
This makes Taehyung's face light up, and then he's hugging Yoongi faster than Yoongi can dodge him. Also not a lot of room to do that. The hug works both ways, though, and Yoongi feels a tiny bit less sad after it.
— Thank you, hyung. And if it's worth anything, I'd say you should go for it as well. Namjoon-hyung is past the rebound phase, so… — He doesn't get to finish because Yoongi drags him out and closes the door shut behind him.
He knows there is a limit to the scenes Taehyung will make at work, so he hopes he won't be disturbed anymore.
Which happens — or at least Taehyung goes away. Now the disturbance is coming from his own brain, which is worse. He can't just slam a door shut on his own thoughts.
Yoongi tries to shut them out anyway, but it's to no avail. He tries to think of anything else, at one point he's caught reading the components of various boxes of medicine, but just a moment of distraction and his brain is back to he likes men, just not you.
— Hyung, when are you leaving work?
— Um, hopefully in… Fourteen minutes.
— Great! Come by our home, ok? I'm making dinner. And don't worry! I got Seokjin-hyung to help me out, we are video chatting the whole time.
It doesn't necessarily relax Yoongi, but at least there is someone who can call an ambulance or the fire department if something goes wrong. He agrees and Namjoon hangs up, saying something about a pan in the stove that makes Yoongi's skin itch a little, and then the bad feelings sneak up on him once again.
How is he supposed to go through a whole dinner when he's such a mess? And it’s because of Namjoon, but also not his fault, so Yoongi doesn’t even know what would make it better. Or less worse.
He just knows that leaving work on time is a miracle on its own, so he figures someone’s watching over him. Maybe they’re having trouble with the evil genie, so that’s why the scales are a little tipped as of lately.
The bus turns the corner just as Yoongi steps on the bus stop, then the walk to their apartment feels faster than ever, Yoongi sensing the whole way home was as long as a wink, and suddenly he’s staring at his own door wishing for strength to pretend everything is normal — because for Namjoon, it is.
Or the fuck it is not?
Namjoon hears the bling of the keypad and is by the door as Yoongi opens it, pulling Yoongi to the edge of the step so he can hug and kiss Yoongi’s forehead? This is very new as far as their greetings go, and Yoongi is left there shocked, fighting for his life — or for his heart to slow down a little bit, as Namjoon rushes back to the kitchen.
— Hyung, I wanted to surprise you, but Seokjin-hyung heard you coming in and left and I kind of need some help…
This triggers Yoongi’s fight or flight mode, so he takes off his shoes in record time and sprints to the kitchen.
There’s nothing burning, it’s just Namjoon nervous about tackling so many tasks at once. Seokjin really did a number on him, he should’ve chosen simpler dishes, or better yet, a single dish, but Yoongi remembers Seokjin feeds off of their despair every once in a while, so that’s what happened.
They work together to finish everything and then sit down to eat on the kitchen counter, both refusing to set the table after having all the trouble of preparing the meal. And partly because they’re not sure the table is still good, it being made of wood and right on the splash zone when the ceiling came down, and neither wants to check. It’s enough the ceiling still hasn’t even started being repaired yet, they don’t want to add to the list of things they have to worry about.
— You know, hyung, I can’t stop thinking about how you thought I only liked women.
— Do we really need to talk about this? You dated a woman for what, three years? That’s almost the whole time I’ve known you. Cut me some slack, yeah?
Yoongi tries to play it cool, and shoves more food in his mouth, wishing it will help him swallow the bad feelings as well. Nothing some gastric acid can’t dissolve. Hopefully.
— Hyung, I think your math is a little off. I met her I think a year after we met, and we broke up a year and a half ago. That’s like half the time we’ve known each other.
— A year and a half?!
— Funny how time passes us by, huh.
Namjoon laughs at Yoongi when he makes a face as he tries to do the math right. It’s not like Yoongi was keeping close track of Namjoon’s relationship, so there’s that. But really, has it been that long? Now that he forces himself to think about it, it has been quite some time since Namjoon walked around all gloomy and mopey. Nowadays he’s all smiles and calmness, especially at this very moment.
— I'm glad you seem to be happy about my confusion.
— I am having a lot of fun, yes.
— I’m sorry, again. Didn’t mean to put you in a box.
— That’s ok, really. It’s not like I don’t like women. I just found it strange you didn’t catch on to the other part, you know. Every time we got back from Seokjin-hyung's house we would spend the rest of the evening talking about him, and then Hoseok entered the picture and we talked about the two of them…
The thought of Namjoon being the best ally ever did cross Yoongi’s mind several times, but he gets the excuse that Namjoon did say he wasn’t gay. Then again, the options are not only gay or straight, so Yoongi is back at being at fault here. Poor Yoongi, can’t get a break.
— Ok, yeah, fine. I’m stupidly oblivious.
— Hey, don’t say it like that either. I’m just picturing our conversations with the knowledge that I have now and some interactions make so much more sense.
Yoongi forces a small laugh and then refocuses on shoving food at his face. Can’t talk if his mouth is full. Hopefully the indigestion he’ll get if he continues to eat like this will overpower his feelings.
— So, hyung… Are you single?
All that food? Gone down the wrong pipe. Yoongi coughs and pants as his food fights its way down, and when he comes back to it Namjoon is right there by his side, lightly hitting his back to help him through it. Or— he’s trying to be gentle, but he doesn’t really know his own strength.
— Thanks, yeah… Ok, I’m good, I’m good, you can stop now, Namjoon-ah.
— Sorry, hyung, I didn’t mean to…
— Don't worry. Go, sit back down, your food is getting cold.
Namjoon abides and goes back to his chair. When Yoongi is past his near-death moment, no more little coughs in between bites, Namjoon speaks up.
— Sorry if I was too straightforward, I have a whole explanation for it but I'll take the coward route and say that Jimin convinced me to go at it like this.
Another coughing fit, and it's at least five minutes before Yoongi is able to speak again, even with the water Namjoon brought him.
— Of course he did. That boy's whole life plan is to live as long as I do just so he can annoy me every single day for the rest of our lives.
Namjoon tries to hold his laugh in, but he fails and it's beautiful. Yoongi is mesmerized, even as he tries to pretend he's looking somewhere else.
— Let's move on from that little punk. Let's just eat and go to Maeok halmeoni's home, yeah? I'm beat.
Namjoon seems to want to say something else, but he stops himself. It's not long before they're washing the dishes and getting ready to leave. It feels strange for them to leave their home to go to where they'll spend the night, but neither is complaining, not with what can come through that open ceiling. And their beds are not exactly fit to sleep in either.
— Hyung, are you really ok with this temporary housing situation?
— Yeah, why?
— Just checking.
They remain silent after that, receive some fussing about from Maeok when they get there and go get ready to bed. And for Yoongi, it's only when he's alone that those annoying feelings come crawling back from their hole. Being around Namjoon is so nice, Namjoon is so wonderful that Yoongi doesn't even remember that he's sad. Then he makes a decision: he's only going to do something about it, anything, after they're back to their apartment living in separate bedrooms. It's just too much now.
This is only further confirmed when he gets in bed and his body feels like it’s waiting. Waiting for something that’s missing, and the something is Namjoon, judging by how relaxed Yoongi feels the moment Namjoon steps back inside and approaches the bed.
That’s just awesome. His own body has betrayed him and is already so used to sleeping as Namjoon’s personal body pillow, and he can’t even argue because it feels so nice to be in Namjoon’s arms… He is beyond lost. But hey, at least he’s never slept better than these last nights.
The next morning, Yoongi gets yet another good morning kiss on his forehead before Namjoon gets up to get ready for work, and he has to fight himself to not get used to this as well. It’s just Too Much. Like the coward he seems to have become, he pretends to have fallen back asleep until he’s sure Namjoon is out, then he’s up and on a mission.
It’s almost a thirty minute walk from their place to Jimin’s, and Yoongi decides to go by foot in an attempt to calm down; it does not work, since he spent the whole way there arguing with Jimin in his mind. He’s got an answer ready for everything Jimin throws at him.
Or so he thought, but seeing Jungkook in Jimin’s arms was not part of any of his scenarios. Yoongi storms into Jimin's apartment, ready to give him a piece of his mind, when he sees the pair all cuddled up on the sofa and stops dead in his tracks.
He recovers fast enough, and then he’s shoving his credit card into Jungkook’s hand as he pushes the youngest to the door.
— Jungkook-ah, here. Go buy yourself some coffee and something to eat. Take a long time, mm?
— But, hyung, I just got here, and…
— Listen, I'm about to scold Jimin and I don't want you to hear it. Just go. I or Jimin will text you when it's safe to come back. Go. Bye. — He throws Jungkook’s shoes out the door and shuts the door behind the poor boy, and then he turns to Jimin, who is standing by the sofa with a look of wariness all across his face. — Where’s Taehyung?
— He's not here. Why are you going to scold me?
— Why are you here alone with Jungkook?
The wariness turns into defiance as Jimin stares back at Yoongi.
— We were just talking, if it’s important that you know that. But we’re all grown adults, we don’t need chaperones. And don’t give me this look! We all know where we stand and everyone is happy about it.
— I’m not.
— You’re not part of it.
— But apparently you're an integral part of my life, you little blabbermouth.
The dots connect in Jimin’s mind, and he relaxes visibly. He sits down on the sofa and Yoongi just stands there for a second, wondering why this little punk is so at ease.
— How was dinner last night, hyung?
— I hate you. What did you say to Namjoon?
— Hyung, I truly do not know why you’re always on the defensive with me. When have I ever done something bad to you? — Jimin only waits for an answer for about two seconds and then he thinks he’s won when Yoongi says nothing. — See?!
None of this is part of Yoongi’s scenarios, so he has no answer on the go. He decides to just talk instead, something he should’ve done from the start. Being in love is really damaging to his brain cells. And that’s when it hits him, making him so weak he has to sit down on the nearest thing. He can't deny it anymore, not even to himself.
— Hyung?
— You knew, didn’t you? About Namjoon liking men. And about me… You knew and you didn’t tell me. Why?
The rawness in Yoongi's voice, the way he's clearly fighting to stay composed melt Jimin a little, so he musters his warmest expression before answering Yoongi.
— First of all, I had to work with scrapes here, you never use your words with me, just mumbles and grumbles. You never said you didn’t go for it because you thought Namjoon-hyung was straight! We all just thought it was because he's sex indifferent and we figured you like to get a little freaky every now and then, so…
— We? We?!
Maybe Jimin could've thought this through some more before voicing things like this, but by the time he realizes it he's already said it.
— Yes, hyung, we all discussed you and Namjoon-hyung at length, please get over it so we can have our conversation, yeah?
Having a conversation while his brain won't shut up is not an easy task, and what Jimin says is of no help. In fact, his words are fuel to the fire in his mind.
— What do you mean…
Jimin takes pity on his confused hyung and decides to be a good dongsaeng. For five minutes tops, then he's back to being a nuisance. He understands Yoongi's struggles better than ever now, so he knows he doesn't have to worry that much anymore.
— Hyung. We can see you're fond of Namjoon-hyung, so to speak. You don't hide it very well, honey-hyung. But that's ok! So, since you have never done anything about it, and Namjoon-hyung said he had told you he's ace, we thought…
— Namjoon? Namjoon was part of these conversations too?
— Oh, hyung is gone… Um yeah, so, yeah that was a topic…
— Jimin-ah.
Jimin hurries to the kitchen and moves around almost aimlessly until he decides he'll make some tea. He can't face Yoongi, who gets more suspicious by the second.
— Jimin-ah. What were you going to say?
— Look, it's not like we were gossiping about you for hours or anything. It was just… A topic… That involved you… And you're always so private about your romantic and sex life, we didn't want to intrude. Also Hoseok-hyung feared you'd ghost us if we insisted…
— Oh so now I'm a flake as well?
Jimin is trying so hard to do everything as slow as possible so he doesn't have to face Yoongi, but eventually he runs out of stuff to do and he has to turn around.
— Look, hyung, I really think you should have this conversation with Namjoon-hyung first. Then you come back and I won't even protest your scolding.
Seeing that Jimin is adamant in not looking at him, Yoongi gives up. He mumbles a "fine" and leaves the apartment, and Jimin just stands there, hoping he didn't ruin anything.
They don't hear from Yoongi for the rest of the day (which kind of proves Hoseok right), and Namjoon is relieved when he enters their bedroom and Yoongi is there. He's sitting on the floor by the bed in his outside clothes, and his bag is done by his side.
— Hyung! Jimin said you guys talked and that we should talk… Is everything ok?
— That is for you to decide… Can we talk?
Namjoon sits down as well, keeping a little distance from Yoongi. There is a certain seriousness in the air that makes Namjoon's nape hair stand up a little bit and he doesn't like it.
When Namjoon gestures for Yoongi to speak, Yoongi says it all. He talks about how he was attracted to Namjoon when they first met, how that fateful conversation made him withdraw, how not even that worked when it came to avoid falling in love with Namjoon. Yoongi admits it all, how he's tried to keep a distance and how every act from Namjoon tore at his walls until he was just gone. He says he didn't mean for it to happen, that he doesn't expect anything from Namjoon and that he'll do whatever Namjoon thinks is best.
Namjoon is quiet the whole time Yoongi speaks, letting his hyung pour his little heart out. When Yoongi looks expectantly at him a moment after he stops talking, Namjoon smiles so big that Yoongi feels his whole body tingle with adoration and he even forgets how apprehensive he is for a second there.
— So you're single and you like me?
— Oh, shut up.
And just like that, the tension is broken and they both feel very light. Not Yoongi a second later, though, because Namjoon is on top of him hugging him with his whole body and… It's heavy. And Yoongi loves every second of it.