Chapter Text
SCENE 1 - Sweets Club Meeting Spot
“Bonjour, mes petits sweets clubbers. It is I, Tsukasa ‘Mario Mario’ Suou, here to join you all for our afternoon meeting,” Tsukasa smiled and flashed his dazzling pearly whites (cleaned with Golcate. Protect cavities before they start).
“Suou, what is wrong with you? Ever since you’ve started hanging out with those homosexuals, you’ve been acting strange. HiMERU is concerned,” HiMERU sipped his Chamomile infused with Lemons and Orange Tea before turning to Mayoi. “You too, Ayase-san. You’ve been all jittery and such.”
Mayoi jumped at the sound of his name, flying so high that his head banged into a tree branch. A laugh track went off in the distance. “I-I-I’m so sorry, HiMERU-san! It must have b-been this strange tea I’m drinking! I’m so sorry!!”
Kohaku squinted into Mayoi’s cup, sighing upon realization. “Ayase-han, that is Monster Energy® in the flavor Java Coffee. You must have taken it from the cooler.”
“E-eek!! You’re r-right, I thought it w-was a drink we were going to review.”
As this riveting conversation about Monster Energy® Java Coffee happened, Tsukasa walked over to the aforementioned cooler, trying to hide his foolish little grin because he’s addicted to Monster Energy®. Thankfully no one noticed.
“HiMERU has a proposal. HiMERU has been thinking of going to the beach, but the only people HiMERU has ever gone with include Crazy:B and Sena-senpai. HiMERU would rather expose HiMERU’s real identity than have to do that again. What are your thoughts?”
“That’s a good idea,” Kohaku chimes in. “We haven’t even had a gacha yet, so we have time to kill before that happens.”
Mayoi nodded weakly in agreement. He could not respond because he was shaking so much from the Monster Energy® he had earlier.
Tsukasa, on the other hand, had already downed two cans of Monster Energy® and was reaching for a third.
“What’s a good day and time for everyone?” Kohaku asked. “I have to meet up with Madara-han every Tuesday and Friday afternoon for the next three years.”
“HiMERU is busy on the weekends with photo shoots. HiMERU believes Thursdays would be best, for no particular reason. Not because this was written on a Thursday. We can take the train, because that is very clearly the most efficient method of travel. Do you understand me, Oukawa?”
“Ok.”
Mayoi nodded weakly in agreement. He could not respond because he was still shaking so much from the Monster Energy® he had earlier.
Tsukasa, on the other hand, had now downed six cans of Monster Energy® and was reaching for a seventh.
“Alright, it’s settled then. What time will the trip start?” HiMERU asks.
Kohaku checked his wrist, which did not have a watch. “8:14:52 AM, JST.”
“HiMERU actually is very busy at that specific time for undisclosed reasons. HiMERU can go at 12:28:31 PM, JST.”
Kohaku checked his unwatched wrist again. “Shit. I am not free then. I have to go kick ass. Amagi-han’s, specifically.”
“That’s a shame. Ayase-san, are you available at either time? Oukawa and HiMERU can let you and Suou go alone.”
Mayoi once again nodded in agreement, but this time also provided a verbal answer. “I-I am free at 12:28:31 PM, JST.”
Tsukasa, on the other hand, had now downed all 14 Monster Energy® cans that were in the cooler. No one in the club noticed any of the cans disappearing, thankfully for him.
“Understood. Ayase-san and Suou will be going to the beach together. You are both a part of that homosexual group, correct? HiMERU believes it won’t be much of an issue for you two to get along, then.”
“Speakin’ of which, why don’t you invite them with you?” Kohaku proposed.
Mayoi shook his head, tears forming in his eyes. “I-I’m so sorryyy!! I’m so sorry but I can’t possibly bring myself to ask theeeem! They’re gay and disgusting! Unlike that… strange Ryuseitai boy who is open about his homosexuality, I-I can only ponder with this ring…!” Mayoi took out a shiny engagement ring from his pocket, sobbing uncontrollably at the sight of it.
Tsukasa finally speaks up. “Ayase-senpai, do not worry! I, Tsukasa ‘Mario Mario’ Suou, will ask nos petits homosexuels if they would accompany us on the TRIP. Nagumo-kun is in my class, so I will ask him first. Tomorrow. Because today is Monday. And the next time I see Luigi-senpai I will ask him as well. Actually, why don’t you ask him, Ayase-senpai? Yes, that seems right. He is a rather lame FELLOW, so convincing him should be a breeze! I feel as though I am forgetting someone else, but I do not remember who so it doesn’t MATTER.” He said this rather long declaration very rapidly, because of Monster Energy®; but his circlemates did not know this.
HiMERU narrowed his eyes. “Suou, you are acting even stranger than you were four minutes ago.”
“Ha Ha Ha! Whatever do you mean, HiMERU-senpai?! A brilliant STAR such as I must always be a LEADER for my unit mates, shuffle or otherwise!!!”
“Wrong franchise, Tsukasa ,” Kohaku muttered, standing up. “Well, I guess we are done here, right?”
“HiMERU believes so.” HiMERU stood up as well and started to follow Kohaku into the ES building. “Suou, HiMERU will let Nagumo know of your invitation. He is HiMERU’s roommate, after all.”
“Au revoir then, Monsieur HiMERU!” Tsukasa was now doing a quite impressive headstand on the table. Mayoi rocked back and forth, silently sobbing on the floor about his ring.
SCENE 2 - Morning, Outside Midori’s house
“Midori-kun! Good morning!”
“Good morning, Tetora-kun… Full of energy again today…?”
“Yep! I accidentally got my tea mixed up with this Monster Energy® Java Coffee that I found in our cabinet… Weird right! Just a sip really did a number on me…”
“For real…? I heard just a can can lower your brain and motor skills by 10%... Anyways, let's go, or we’ll be late.”
Ever since around the time Tetora had nearly died playing cards with Rinne (read Tetora gets his ass kicked while playing cards with Rinne and Tsukasa on ao3 for more details), he’d been stopping by the Takamine greengrocer in the mornings to walk Midori to school. It wasn’t anything particularly abnormal, he believed, and he dubbed it as a “bro thing”. “Nothing is more bro than walking your totally normal guy friend to school!” He would say whenever someone called him gay. Even so, he wondered why he was always so jittery while waiting for Midori… must just be a bro thing!
“Um, Tetora-kun? You’re being strangely quiet… Is something wrong?”
“YES! No…? No, no. Nothing’s wrong, Midori-kun. Nothing’s ever been wrong! Why’d you ask?”
“...Why do you think I asked.”
“Midori-kun? Are you sure it’s not YOU who has something wrong going on?”
“Hey… I know I complain about being depressed and all… but that kinda went too far. Anyways, no, I’m fine. But you literally look like a bomb that’s about to explode, so I’m mildly concerned.”
“Ah, well… There is one thing bothering me,” Tetora slowed his pace.
Oh my god is he finally going to confess , Midori thought. It’s been months. MONTHS. He’s offered to walk me to school, walk me home from school, help out with the greengrocer, help organize events for the greengrocer… What was all of that for? But I mean, maybe it WAS just because he’s a good guy… I should seriously give up already–
“It’s about Suou-kun.”
I am going to kill myself in front of this guy to forever change the trajectory of his life. “What about him? He seems pretty decent to me… or well, as decent as people in this school can get…? Which isn’t very decent. Especially because he’s in Knights.”
“That’s not it, Midori-kun. I saw him doing a headstand near where the sweets club meets yesterday. Yelling something about being the greatest knight of all time… Like you know, I’ve seen Morisawa-senpai do crap like that, but from Suou-kun ? Plus, Ayase-senpai was rolling around on the floor next to him.”
“...What.”
“I know.”
“Well… if that’s the case I’m not really sure how to help… I’m sorry. But why is it bothering you? You don’t talk to either of them all that much, right?”
“Right. That’s why I’m nervous. I feel like it was a premonition that they’d reel me into some wacky adventure that includes me nearly dying… again… Plus, HiMERU-senpai said Suou-kun had something to ask me about.”
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘AGAIN.’ At this point, Midori was concerned at how nonchalantly Tetora had gone over what he had seen. Like yeah, sure, there was a bit of concern in his voice, but if it was Midori who was in that scenario, he would’ve just joined Mayoi in crying on the ground.
Tetora, noticing Midori’s shocked expression, quickly made as many poor moves as possible to lighten the tension of the conversation. “Sorry Midori-kun, I kinda just dumped all of that on you. I really have to stop doing that…” Tetora chuckled awkwardly, looking back to his shoes. “I mean ever since… that argument, I’ve been kinda honest with you haven’t I? It must be annoying… Listening to me ramble on about my petty issues… After all, that’s one of the traits I’ve gotta eliminate if I wanna become a man—”
“Tetora-kun, it’s fine. In all honesty, I’m glad you can trust me with these things… It makes me happy.” Midori sighed before smiling, which eased some of Tetora’s worry. “Um… well, if I were you, I guess I’d go and ask Suou-kun why he was doing something like that…”
“No you wouldn’t, Midori-kun. You’d just run away from it like—”
“I said, if I was you , I’d do that. Not if I was me. So I think you should just go and ask him. And if HiMERU-senpai said he has something to say to you, doesn’t that give you more of a reason to go…? Speaking of which… Isn’t that him and Harukawa-kun at the front gate?”
“Oh yeah, it’s them! Jeez, they seem really LGBT. Don’t you agree, Midori-kun?”
“That’s rich coming from you…”
“What? Sorry, I didn’t hear that!”
“Sigh… It’s nothing….”
AT THE SAME TIME…
Tsukasa ‘Mario Mario’ Suou (full name necessary) approached the front gate, arriving to school just as all the other students were. He did, in fact, remember he agreed to ask Tetora to go with him and Mayoi to the beach. However, now that the 14 cans of Monster Energy® wore off, because it was the day after, he was back to his usual, closer-to-canon, pathetic, gay?, socially inept self. Tsukasa saw Tetora having a conversation with Midori, the two of them walking together. I hope they are not being gay. That would be terrible, he thought.
Sora fell from up above just then. Talk about perfect timing!
“HuHu!! Sora sees that Tsuka-chan is troubled, and Sora would like to help!”
Tsukasa jumped out of his skin almost as much as Mayoi did yesterday; he was so lost in thought wishing hate on the LGTV community that he did not expect Sora to fall from the sky, even though he often did, being in creative mode and whatnot. Tsukasa really missed being in creative mode; such a shame he had to stay in survival now (read TGHAKWPCWRAT for more details).
Jesus Christ, he thought, I hope Harukawa-kun didn’t hear me thinking homophobic thoughts. Not that I care, obviously. I am not gay! “Um, yes, actually— I need to ask Nagumo-kun something… important? I think it’s important. Actually, even if it’s not important, I already promised to, so I—I have to ask him anyway.” Oh my God . “I’m so sorry. You probably want me dead because of this exchange,” he mumbled.
“Hmm~? Sora couldn’t hear the last part!”
Tsukasa attempts to brush it off. “Nothing, it’s nothing. In any case, do you still want to help?”
“Of course! Sora loves to help Tsuka-chan! Whatever it is, Sora is on the case! HaHa~ You want to ask Tetsu-chan something, right?”
“Y-yes.”
“Hmmm… Sora’s solution is…!! …Just go ask him!”
Tsukasa did expect somewhat of a better plan, but he didn’t really know why. He already knew that Sora was someone he still didn’t understand very well. “Well… yes, I know that, but how? I’m….” He didn't finish his sentence, but he trusted that Sora would understand.
“Sora understands! But Sora thinks the best way is to just approach him as soon as possible!”
“But he is already in the middle of a conversation. I don’t want to interrupt.”
“Hmmm~...!” Sora glances in the direction of the conversation Tetora and Midori are having. Midori kind of looks like he wants to die. “But Sora sees that Tetsu-chan also wants to ask Tsuka-chan something! Tetsu-chan looks more… curious about something. HoHo~!”
Silly as it is, this eased some of Tsukasa’s worry about the situation. He did also want to know why Tetora was curious about him; he didn’t remember having done anything abnormal recently. In fact, he really didn’t remember anything about yesterday afternoon, save for the part about asking Tetora to go to the beach (for plot convenience).
“I-I see. You are right then. It’s best that I go over right now, and we can ask each other what we need to ask. Yes. This is perfect.” If there is a God out there, please let this conversation go well.
“Are your hands shaking?”
“Ah— no. No they are not!” He put his hands behind his back, knowing it was pointless because Sora could see how he felt anyways. “I am perfectly composed. Thank you, Harukawa-kun. I will repay you for this one day.”
Sora pretends to not notice Tsukasa’s crippling nervousness. “HiHi~ no need, no need! Being able to help Tsuka-chan is more than enough repayment!”
Tsukasa decidedly did not point out that that’s exactly what he wanted to repay him for. Oh well, as long as Harukawa-kun is happy, I can get on with this. Not that it’s the only reason, because I’m not gay.
Just at that moment, Tetora approached Tsukasa. Both of their conversations had ceased abruptly.
“Uh, hey Su—”
“Nagumo-kun, I—”
Silence.
Well this is awkward! They both thought. Translation for people who are good at talking to people: they wanted to kill themselves.
“So did you—”
“I wanted to—”
FUCK. FUCKING HELL. THIS IS TERRIBLE.
The two stared at each other. It felt as though this situation could not get any cringier. Well, except if there was physical contact.
Tetora stretched out his hand for a high five, not knowing what else to do.
Nagumo-kun, Tsukasa thought. With all due respect, I want to kill you right now.
If I were Suou-kun, I’d probably kill myself in a situation like this.
Tsukasa ignored the high five as best he could and finally got a word in. “Nagumo-kun, I need to ask you something.”
Tetora kept his hand up for the high five (just in case Tsukasa changed his mind). “Oh no way! Me too. Haha. LOL.”
“Oh, you can go first.”
“No no, you can go first!”
“Ah, uhh, okay.” Tsukasa not so discreetly turned his head to face Sora. Sora gives him a thumbs up and a smile in support.
That was really gay. Gay people sure are weird, Tetora thought to himself while Midori stared daggers into the back of his head.
“Okay. Nagumo-kun, I need to ask you… um…. do you w—”
“Sorry Suou-kun. I’m actually interested in someone else right now.”
“What?”
“What.”
“That’s not what I was going to ask…? If I could please finish my sentence that would be great.”
“Okay. You got it Mr. Suou Sir.” Tetora’s hand is still outstretched for a high five.
“Thank you. Nagumo-kun, I need to ask you if you want to go to the BEACH with me and Ayase-senpai this Thursday. Kagehira-senpai might attend as well, but he hasn’t confirmed yet… Originally, all of Sweets Club was going to go, but neither HiMERU-senpai nor Oukawa will be going. So we wanted to invite other people, like you and Kagehira-senpai. Since, you know, only I and Ayase-senpai from Sweets Club are going. And I think HiMERU-senpai said we were taking the train, so… yes. The train station.”
I’m going to kill myself I sound so repetitive. Please do not notice. Please save me God. Why is he still holding up his hand? Actually… I will choose to not care about that. I hope he doesn’t think I’m asking him out on a date.
Another horrible silence.
“Uh… Sure! What time are we meeting? Also, I won’t nearly die again, right?” So is he asking me out on a date…?? Wait. No. Because there’s other people. Hm. Also, he seems to be interested in Harukawa-kun. Need the LGTV gone… And why is Midori-kun staring at me so much??
“I believe we chose 12:28:31 PM, JST as the meeting time. As for your second question, we aren’t inviting Amagi-senpai.” So that is who I forgot…
“So 12:30? Got it.”
“No. 12:28:31 PM, JST.”
“Oh… Okay?” Tetora finally put his hand down. “Anyways, onto my question. Suou-kun, why were you doing a headstand yesterday? And why was Ayase-senpai crying…??”
“Whatever are you talking about?”
“Suou-kun… what do you mean…?? You were doing a headstand yesterday afternoon. It was pretty impressive actually. Good form and everything.”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE YOU KIDDING ME. I WAS DOING WHAT. WHAT? It must’ve been the 14 cans of Monster Energy® in the flavor Java Coffee. Why did Nagumo-kun of all people have to see that…
“I think you were seeing things, Nagumo-kun.”
“Um… Was I? I mean, I clearly remembered—”
“No, I’m sure you were hallucinating! Have you been sleeping properly recently?”
“I mean… I think so—?”
“So no. Exactly as I thought! In any case, we should end this conversation. I can feel every neuron in my brain exploding from talking to you.”
“Same here! Great talking to you, Suou-kun!”
“Ahaha. You too!”
We all know they were both lying. They hated that as much as we hated writing it!
Midori and Sora simply watched as their very close Friends turned around and headed in the same direction because, after all, they were classmates as well. The two on the sidelines made eye contact, and for a moment they understood exactly how the other felt. The horrifying ordeal of knowing your very very very close Friend is the worst person at socializing you know (you also know it’s true, coming from Midori).
And so they walked to class together in one very silent, very awkward group.
SCENE 3: sewing club room
Why Why Why would Tsukasa-san ask ME to be the one to ask Kagehira-san? We have HoldHands for a reason but nooo I guess people appreciate face to face interactions! Mayoi thought as he crawled through the vents. He had been following Mika around for some time, trying to ask him for the whole school day.
But at that point, it was after school.
Seven whole hours had passed.
After much watching, Mayoi ended up right above the sewing classroom, since he knew Mika had the club after school. Ok… he's alone… perfect… I can do this, I can finally ask him…!
“Hmmm hmmm… would this be up ta Oshii-san’s standards…. Hmmmmm…” Mika hummed a little tune as he sewed whatever outfit a Mika would sew.
Hearing Mika speak scared Mayoi shitless. NOOOOO AHHH EIIIII NOOO I CAN’T DO THIS HE'S REAL AND TALKING AND NOOO NOOOO—
Mayoi was incredibly prepared to book it then and there, but he also knew that the guilt of not being able to fulfill the task Tsukasa had left him would eat him up even more. Ok... I got this. I can do this…
“Mika-chaaaannn!!!”
“Naru-chan!! :3”
NO. I'M DONE. NO NOOOOOOO. Mayoi spun around as fast as someone in a vent could, fully prepared to just let Tsukasa do it himself.
“Heh. Fucking pussy, of course he’d just run away.”
“Stop that… You know he’s trying his best.”
Mayoi stopped right in his tracks, petrified. I'm hearing things. I'm in a vent. And I'm hearing things.
“Yeah yeah, that's right! Go run back to your room and sob. Typical.”
“It's ok to cry…”
He suddenly realized whose voice it was. T-t-tatsumi-san???! How did he get in the vent?? Holding back the urge to scream, Mayoi looked around. Wait… he isn’t here, though?
Mayoi then looked at his shoulders.
“Sup.”
“Haiii~”
Tiny angel and devil tatsumis.
On his shoulders.
Mayoi had officially lost it.
“AHHHIEIEEIIIIIII AANHHHHHHHH NO NOOO AHHHHHHUCHVOUOUUCHCHH!!!!!”
As soon as Mayoi let out the blood curdling scream he’d been holding in for those seven, long hours, the vent cover fell out from him.
THUD.
“AHHHHHHHHHH—”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—”
“AHHHHHHH SORRY SORRY IM SO SORRY AHHHHHHHHH—”
This went on for a good two minutes.
“I-I-I’m so sorry I-I w-w-was t-trying *hic* to a-and then the a-and t-the—“ Mayoi frantically waved his hands in the air, his attempts to cover his face in vain. It was too embarrassing for him to make eye contact with Mika and Arashi, especially after being caught venting.
“Ayase-sempai fer the fifth time, ‘t’s ok please… Jus’ calm down,” Mika said, more concerned than scared at that point. Arashi also made efforts to hand Mayoi a piece of cloth to wipe his face, but he was too busy losing his mind to notice.
Arashi and Mika backed away from Mayoi, unsure of what to do.
“Naru-chan, what the flipper is happenin’…”
“I’m not sure, I’m sure he’s just startled from the fall! But you talk to him much more right? Since you’re in the same shuffle unit and all...”
“Yeah, but… But…” he glanced over at Mayoi, who had stopped talking, and had resorted to hyperventilation instead. He had noticed the towel at least, but he was shaking so much that he couldn't reach it.
This is all the Monster Energy® Java Coffee’s fault. What is wrong with Tsukasa-san?? Why would he buy that…??!!
“Ah~ You're right, I can't help you there,” Arashi sighed.
Mika and Arashi continued to watch, perplexed and concerned.
A faint voice then came from down the hallway. “Aira please think this over, it's been almost a month… What do we have to do to get you to stay??” Hiiro’s loud voice echoed.
“ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I am sick and tired of being ignored and downcasted. I try and try my hardest, but whatever I do just gets pushed to the side or ignored! I knew being an idol was a mistake, I QUIT. Dreams need to stay just that. Dreams,” Aira snapped back. Every hallway they entered had been filled with just the sounds of the two bickering.
Tatsumi turned the corner after them, looking into each classroom and apologizing to anyone who might’ve stayed after school.
“So, so sorry for those two… It’s quite the sight, isn’t it…?” he said as Mika and Arashi noticed his gaze drift to Mayoi, who was at this point having a panic attack.
Upon realizing who it is who’s paid them a visit, the couple sprinted to Tatsumi.
“Kazehaya-senpai, you have help us… Or moreso, help him !” Arashi gestured towards Mayoi, who was rolling in a puddle of his tears.
“Oh lost lambs, I shall help my…Yeah. Over here,” he slowly walked over to Mayoi, who, upon seeing Tatsumi, stopped breathing.
“OH MY GOD TATSUMI-SAN WHAT HAPPENED?!?!” Mika frantically looked over Tatsumi's shoulder to an almost dead Mayoi.
“Don't worry now, he will be ok,” Tatsumi smiled before rolling up his sleeves and hovering over Mayoi.
SLAP!
Arashi and Mika, too stunned to speak, stood there, reflecting on what had just happened.
Tatsumi Kazehaya had just slapped Mayoi Ayase across the face.
“Oh, fufu~ H-hello Tatsumi-saaan,” Mayoi smiles, with a red hand mark on his face.
“Ok. That’s it,” Arashi declares as she exists, trying to forget everything that just happened.
“Gee, Kazehaya-senpai, ya really saved us there!” Mika grinned eagerly. “I was convinced Ayase-sempai here was a goner…”
“S-sorry about that K-Kagehira-saaaaaan,” Mayoi wailed as Tatsumi pulled him up off the floor. “I-it’s just I… I… Um…”
“Mayoi-san, is it possible that you wish to ask Mika-san something?” Tatsumi asked softly. “I’m sure he will understand no matter what it is, so do not worry about his reaction. Mika-san is a very nice boy, I’m sure.”
I have never talked t’ ya in my life, Kazehaya-senpai, Mika thought.
Mayoi was able to compose himself and closed his eyes and spit everything out in one big sentence.
“Kagehira-san, are you /j or /srs?”
“What.”
“12:28:31 PM, JST. Thursday. B-beach. Train. Lph.”
Mika just slowly nodded before saying, “Ayase-sempai what are ya—”
Before he could finish, Mayoi sprinted out of the room, never to look back on whatever atrocity just unfolded, leaving Tatsumi in the wind.
SCENE 4 – THE TRAIN STATION……….!!!!!
Mika arrived at the train station 30 minutes before the time Mayoi mentioned. “Better early than on time!” Is what his wonderful adoptive father, Puppet Sovereign, had told him once (read LGBT Valkyrie is Pogchamp for more). Ever since, Mika had made sure that he’d arrive 30 minutes if not 1 hour before the meeting time. Despite his efforts to impress his shuffle unit mates with his timeliness, when he arrived he saw Mayoi pacing back and forth.
“Hiya Ayase-kun!”
“AIIIIEEE! H-hello Kagehira-san..”
“Aieee t’ you, too! Is.. anyone else gonna join us?” Mika says as he looks around.
“Y-yes… Tetora-san and Tsukasa-san are supposed to as well.”
As though on cue, Tetora and Tsukasa walked over.
“Wahhh! What's got you two paler than Ritsu-kun??” Mika exclaims upon seeing the pair.
Without a word, Tetora walked over to Mayoi, head down, and practically slammed his hands on Mayoi’s shoulders, his eyes reflecting a void.
“Ayase-senpai. You have to get that fucking boyfriend of yours off the road.” Tetora and Tsukasa had made the mistake of asking Tatsumi to drive them to the train station.
“M-M-MY B-B-BOYFR- NONONONO YOU H-HAVE IT ALL W-WRONG WE ARE JUST FRIENDS WHO HAPPEN TO BE BOYS HAHAHHAHA” His laughing fit continues as the others simply watch.
Tsukasa ahem s, as one does, and says rather impatiently, “While Ayase-senpai does… that… can we confirm this is all of us?” Unfortunately, he regretted his words instantly.
“AREN’T YOU GUYS FORGETTING MEEEEEE????!!!!”
They all immediately froze, Mayoi’s laugh getting cut halfway, Tetora’s empty stare suddenly turning to fear.
Rinne.
They “forgot” Rinne.
The four looked into the distance as Rinne ran towards them full speed wearing nothing but swim trunks, a duck pool float around his waist, and a pair of dollar store sunglasses, a plastic bag emitting a putrid smell in hand. Smoke clouds bellowed behind him, the train goers simply gawking at the sight. Before stopping in front of the group, he began to yell an incoherent speech of sorts.
“I have an announcement to make Sonic the Hedgehog’s a BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER he pissed on my FUCKING WIFE that’s right he took his quilly dick out and PISSED ON MY FUCKING WIFE and he said his dick was THIIIS BIG and i said THAT’S DISGUSTING so I'm making a call out post on my twitter dot com. Shadow the Hedgehog you got a small dick its the size of this walnut except WAY smaller and guess w—”
“Shut up. Just… be quiet. Please… do you even know how much this damage is going to cost… that’s a good ¥52,925.44….” Tsuaksa complained, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
“Dude, whatever that guy has to pay isn’t our problem,” Tetora muttered, almost recoiling at the sight of Rinne. I swear to god. Suou-kun told me he wouldn’t be here. If I die it’s his fault.
Why is Nagumo-kun staring at me like that? I feel like I’m about to be killed in an empty parking lot. What is his problem. All I did was point out the damage repair cost.
“No hard feelings guys, I know exactly why you forgot to remind me of our fun beach trip!”
“An’ why’s that, Amagi-sempai?” Mika asked genuinely, though it came out as sarcastic.
Still, Rinne responded triumphantly, puffing out his chest. “It’s because you didn’t want to have too much fun! All of you guys are kinda really fucking lame, has anyone ever told you that? Like, I bet your card match would’ve been legal and civilized if I hadn’t shown up. Be sure to read TGHAKWPCWRAT for more! You should thank me! Kyahahaha!!!”
“Hey, I’m not lame! I—” Before he could finish his sentence, Rinne kicked Tetora in the chest.
“Lame!”
“GUH—?! HEY, WHAT THE HELL! WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN YOU SON OF A BITCH— YOU KNOW WHAT, ACTUALLY?! SUOU-KUN, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!”
“What?! This is not even remotely my fault. All I did was INVITE you as promised. Fuck you for real.”
“Fuck me ? FUCK ME ?!?! Why the hell’d you invite him of all people? He’s nearly gotten me KILLED TWICE YOU KNOW. Did your boyfriend give you that idea!?”
Mayoi pops out from the ceiling, tears forming from his eyes. “G-guys! If it m-makes you both s-stop arguing, I h-haven’t proposed to T-Tatsumi-san yet…! Are you p-p-p-proud?”
Tetora and Tsukasa both look up at the ceiling. “HOW DID YOU END UP THERE? IT’S BEEN FIVE MINUTES??!” Tsukasa yells even louder somehow, but more shocked than angry.
“Wait… so you admit it… you’re gay…” Tetora squints. “I knew there was something strange about you, Ayase-senpai.” That makes 3 of these unit members that are gay. I seriously need to get out of here.
“NO NO I JUST WAS T-TRYING TO BREAK THE TENSION A-AND YOU BOTH WHERE F-FIGHTING S-SO I JUST—”
“The train will be arriving in ONE minute. I repeat, the train will be arriving in ONE minute. Yup. ONE minute. O-N-E minute. Sixty seconds. ONE whole minute. T-minus sixty seconds. ONE minute. Did I mention it’s arriving in a—Oh, this just in. The train will be arriving in FORTY FIVE seconds. I repeat, the train—”
“Dude it’s taken you a whole minute to say that, the train is literally here.” Rinne scowled, about to curse out the poor worker.
“Why’re ya in such a bad mood, Amagi-sempai! We need t’ hurry!!” Mika shuffled near the tracks, picking up the very stylish handbag he had brought.
“Woah, Kagehira-senpai! Did Narukami-senpai buy you that bag? I heard her talking to HiMERU-senpai about it. I’m surprised she actually bought it,” Tetora’s eyes lit up.
“Oh, really?” Mika blushed. “Hehe~ Naru-chan’s taste in clothing n’ stuff ‘s really good, right?”
“For real! One time, she—”
“The train's doors are OPENING. Yes they are wide OPEN. Walk right through the OPEN doors of the train. They have OPENED for you to step inside. Walk right through the OPEN doors to arrive at your destination. Yes, that is right folks, the train doors are OPEN. Once again, they are OPEN just walk or run or whatever through the OPEN doors.”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH WE’RE MOVING,” Rinne shouted before stepping in.
Tsukasa sighed out of embarrassment before following behind him. This is terrible. That poor lady… Even though she was doing her job horrendously, he could’ve been nicer about it!
“I'm just doing my job….”
See! The absolute absurdity of Amagi-senpai. He could’ve just kept it to himself…! Tsukasa would tip if he could, but unfortunately he only uses a piece of plastic to pay for everything and doesn’t carry any change.
Soon, all of LPH had seated. Mayoi and Tetora had window seats, Mika and Tsukasa had middle seats, and Rinne was left on his own in a separate car because no one wanted to sit next to him.
And so began their epic journey… To the beach…!!!
SCENE 5 — SUPER UBER TATSUMI!!!
Because we don’t want to bore you with the incredibly interesting details of the group’s train trip, and definitely not because this is getting too long, we will give you, dear reader, a quick run down of the happenings on the train.
Mayoi immediately hid with the luggage. Whenever he did fall asleep, he had nightmares about everyone accusing him of stealing cookies from the cookie jar.
Tetora kept “accidentally” messing up Tsukasa’s solitaire games. He had to start over a good 27 times and lost every single game. Turns out Tetora was actually hiding the cards up his ass.
Rinne broke into the locomotive and messed around with the controls until he was kicked out.
Mika simply looked out the window, shouting whenever they passed something a little less mundane than the rest of their surroundings, such as a herd of cows or a statue of Eichi Tenshouin.
But that doesn’t matter, because now our lovely little LPHers had arrived at their destination… almost! It turns out the train wouldn’t drop them off directly at the beach, since trains didn’t do that. Despite this fact, Tsukasa was still disappointed (definitely not mad) at HiMERU, because he assumed they received tickets directly to the beach instead.
“What are we going to do now… I don’t know the way to the BEACH… We could just walk? HiMERU-senpai wouldn’t be so cruel as to drop us off incredibly far, right?” Tsukasa spoke to himself frantically, trying to think of a way to resolve the situation as quickly as possible. The others were attempting to lure Mayoi out from the luggage.
Just as Tsukasa was about to reach a solution, an old, musty, red convertible came to a screeching halt in front of him. The other four members of LPH, including Mayoi, turn their attention to the sound as well.
“You’re kidding me,” Tetora muttered upon realizing who was driving. The color from Tsukasa’s face vanished as well.
None other than Tatsumi Kazehaya poked his head out of the driver seat window. “Oh lost lambs, I shall guide you to your destination.”
“T-Tatsumi-san??! I-I didn’t know you were going to be here?!! N-N-NOT THAT IT’S A B-BAD THING I’M SORRY I’M SO—”
“Kyahahahaha!! This guy’s driving us!! What a steal, right??! I call shotgun!!!” Rinne yelled, already sprinting for the car. Strangers in the station turned to look at him unfavorably, to put it lightly.
“Ah, my apologies, but I only have space for 5 people, which would include myself,” Tatsumi smiled and turned to Mayoi, who was silently losing his shit. “Mayoi-san, you like being in trunks, do you not? I believe it’d be an ideal location for you.”
“Fufu~ A-anything for T-Tatsumi-saaaan,” Mayoi smiled gleefully, picking up his luggage with himself in it, before disappearing into the trunk.
Mika seated himself in the middle with no complaints. In fact, he was pretty excited for the car trip, no matter how short it might be. This must be what it’s like t’ have a cool family! ‘Nd siblings! he thought.
Despite their hatred for each other, it was almost as though Tetora and Tsukasa were clinging onto each other for dear life. They did not, under any circumstances, want to have to experience Tatsumi’s life-threatening driving again.
“S-Suou-kun, do you know if we can just walk?” Tetora whispered. I already have to deal with Amagi-senpai, now ANOTHER threat to my life shows up?! I swear, at this point Morisawa-senpai might as well join us…
“I… don’t know how far it is…. I trust HiMERU-senpai, but not that much. I-I believe we have to get in the CAR...” Tsukasa whispered back. If I die here I will curse Kazehaya-senpai from HELL.
“Noooooooooooooooo—” Tetora screamed softly as Tsukasa dragged him towards the Uber Of Doom.
Soon, everyone was situated in their assigned seats, seatbelted for dear life. Except for Rinne, who was very loudly sharing his opinion that “seatbelts are fucking lame” and “his driving can’t be THAT bad, you guys are babies, come on.” And also except for Mayoi, who was in the trunk, which obviously didn’t have one.
“Alright then, let’s be on our way~” Tatsumi turned on the ignition.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“NAGUMO-KUN WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE.”
“WE CAN DO IT SUOU-KUN, DON’T WORRY… I-IT CAN’T BE THAT BAD.”
“IT IS ALREADY VERY BAD RIGHT NOW.”
Tatsumi turned around to face the two, who were scared shitless. “Oh my, you two gave me quite the fright… Don’t worry, young ones, for I have a license~” He pulled out an ID from his pocket and waved it in the air. But due to Tatsumi’s BUTTERFINGERS, the card fell into the crack between his seat and the drink compartment.
“...”
“We’re screwed.”
“If I die, please tell my family I loved them.”
“What about Harukawa-kun? Do you want me to tell him too?”
“NOT THE TIME NAGUMO-KUN!! WE COULD GO TO JAIL… I THINK.”
“Ah, come on guys. Like I said, it can’t be that bad,” Rinne reclined his seat, squishing Tsukasa, who was too busy writing his will in the Notes app to notice. “I drive without a license all the time, and I’m fine~”
“Y-you are certainly n-not fine, A-Amagi-san…” Mayoi hollered from the trunk.
“I don’t wanna hear that from a guy who choses a trunk over the backseat!”
“Eeeeep!!!”
Tatsumi positioned the gear shift in drive, glancing at the rearview mirror to catch a glimpse of Tsukasa on the verge of having a breakdown, Mika kicking his feet gleefully, and Tetora in position to jump out the window whenever the time was right. “Well then, if everyone is ready, shall we depart?”
Nobody replied. Rinne would’ve but he was fast asleep already.
Tatsumi smiled as though satisfied. “May God guide us to our destination. Amen.”
Tatsumi now does what he considered a “smooth maneuver,” but if you’re a normal person you would generally call it “slamming on the gas pedal.” Tetora and Tsukasa’s screams could be heard as the shitty convertible pulled out of the train station’s parking lot.