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The way back home after filming the second season of 'Show Me The MWM' was awkward and uncomfortable, silent, which was surprising for a group like Oneus that was known, among the staff and managers, for being loud and bubbly all the time. Everyone was in their own world, playing games on the phone or sleeping, but Seoho was resting his head on the window and thinking about the scene they had filmed earlier.
“Oneus is five.” Dongju had said, everyone laughed and repeated the same cheer. Seoho could only cover his face with the scallops and fake a heart for his group mates.
Even though they apologized for their action and hugged him after noticing his reaction, Seoho's heart ached. He wasn't someone to get hurt easily, but it was his friends that ignored him and kept acting like he wasn't there. His mind kept reminding him of all those times a similar situation happened but Seoho had never paid attention to it; when they would leave him alone anytime he tried to join their late night talks in the living room, or when he wanted to join Hwanwoong's dance lessons but he would give him the stupidest excuses, or when Youngjo stayed up all night writing songs with Geonhak and they would pretend to be extremely busy whenever Seoho wanted to join, or when Keonhee and Dongju went shopping and bought gifts for each other but never for Seoho. Those little details went to Seoho's mind and he realized his group mates didn't really care about him, their relationship was strictly a business one and it hurt.
Seoho's heart hurt.
Because he genuinely loved and cared about them. But they didn't feel the same for him.
He rested on his bed and stared at the ceiling as he heard laughter coming from the living room. Seoho knew they were having fun and he wanted to join, but not after what had happened earlier that day. He was upset.
It was around midnight when the noise stopped and everyone went to their respective rooms. Seoho forgot for a hot second that he shared rooms with Keonhee until he saw him walking inside and heading straight to his own bed. Seoho turned around to avoid making any kind of eye contact with him, but it was in vain, because Keonhee threw himself on top of him.
“You didn't have dinner with us tonight.” Seoho glanced at him before he went back to reading the webtoon on his phone. “Do you want pizza? I can bring you some.” He wasn't sure if it was his brain playing tricks on him or he genuinely didn't remember Keonhee being that gentle and attentive with him before. “Pay attention to me!” The young one took Seoho's phone away from him and walked away with it. Seoho wanted to scream out of anger, irritation and also sadness, but he didn't, he sat up on his bed until Keonhee came back. “Why didn't you chase me? I thought you would.”
“Give me my phone.”
“What are the magic words?” His roommate teased him.
“Just give me my phone, Keonhee, please.” The tall one did as he was told when he noticed something was going on with Seoho. He wasn't sure what it was, but the tone of his voice sounded sad and different. He ended up leaving the room, Seoho was glad.
The following day, Seoho woke up earlier than the rest, he didn't feel like dealing with them on their free day. He wanted to be left alone.
But, of course, life hated him because Geonhak walked to the kitchen and stood next to him.
“Morning.” Seoho nodded his head once to greet him. “Pass me the cookies.” He did that and then walked to the sofa to watch the morning news. He didn't pay attention to them, he only turned on the TV to use it as background noise while he drowned in his own thoughts. Geonhak walked past him and hugged a sleepy Dongju that walked out of his room. “How did you sleep?” Why did Geonhak never ask him how he slept?
“Fine. Morning, Seoho.” Dongju said and the named one nodded once again.
“He's in a bad mood or something, I don't know.”
“Ah, really?” Dongju sat next to him, then poked his sides, making Seoho drop a bit of the coffee he was drinking onto his white pajama shirt.
“Stop it, look at what you did.”
“Oh, come on, you can wash it later!” Dongju grabbed the mug from his hands to place it on the coffee table before he poked Seoho's sides again.
Seoho silently got up from the sofa and headed straight to his bedroom, bumping into Keonhee.
“Good morning.” He was ignored. “Are you okay?” Seoho threw himself into the bed, facing the mattress and hoping Keonhee would leave him alone. “Anything you want to tell me?”
“I want to be alone.” Seoho mumbled. It took Keonhee a few seconds to understand what he said but he ended up leaving.
Seoho turned around to stare at the ceiling, again, after the door closed. He knew that at least Keonhee noticed something was going on, but he also knew that he probably didn't give enough of a fuck.
His heart was still broken after what had happened the day before. It took him three years and three words from Dongju to realize that nobody in his team actually liked him, let alone loved him like he loved them. He was genuinely happy to be with them but it seemed like none of his group mates felt the same way. And it hurt so much.
Seoho didn't notice he was crying until he opened his eyes (that he didn't remember when he had closed them) and saw everything blurry. Cold tears falling down from his eyes to his ears, making him sit up due to the weird sensation of that. As soon as he did, the door opened and Hwanwoong walked inside. Seoho immediately wiped his tears with the sleeve of his hoodie and lowered his head to avoid any kind of eye contact.
“Were you crying? What goes on?”
“Nothing.” Seoho's voice came out shakier than he thought, and he felt stupid.
“I'm not dumb, what happened?” Hwanwoong kneeled down in front of him and rested a hand on Seoho's thigh, looking for his eyes. “Want to tell me?”
“No.” Hwanwoong didn't answer but he didn't move either. A few seconds went by until he talked again and Seoho's throat was burning again.
“This is because of what happened yesterday, isn't it?” He didn't answer. “I'm sorry.”
“It's ok.” Seoho lied, of course it wasn't but he was embarrassed, he felt like an idiot. It was only a prank, he didn't need to make a big deal out of it. “Leave me alone.”
“Seoho, I'm sorry.” Hwanwoong sat next to him and hugged him. “I'm sorry, I knew it was a stupid prank but we still went on with it because we thought you wouldn't care and… are you crying? You're crying, oh my God.” Seoho sobbed and Hwanwoong's heart ached. “No, don't cry, we didn't mean it, we… Ah, shit, what do I do?” His arms were still wrapped around Seoho but the latter kept sobbing.
“Woongie, let's- Oh, is he crying? What's going on?” Youngjo walked in.
“I told you he felt bad for the prank, look what we did.” Seoho covered his face, he was embarrassed. Youngjo kneeled down in front of him and, by then, the other guys appeared too, making him feel more exposed and more stupid.
“It's not a big deal.” Seoho finally said. “I'm just weak and can't take a joke.” He giggled in between sobs, and Dongju felt terrible, since he was the one that came up with the idea. “I'm okay.”
“No, you're not.” Youngjo said. “You can tell us what bothered you, let it out. It is a big deal if it makes you cry this bad, we need to solve our problems, not bury them.” Seoho thought about it for a second. Youngjo was right, he needed to say what was bothering him. So he took a deep breath as he tried to sort the appropriate words to say without sobbing.
“The way you guys acted yesterday just made me realize that you don't really care about me and you never did.” Geonhak, who had been silent almost all day, wanted to speak but Keonhee stopped him. “Or that's what you make me think with your actions. Hwanwoong never lets me join his classes even though he allows the rest to do so; Youngjo and Geonhak always pull out excuses to avoid letting me join the lyrics and composition lessons with them; Keonhee and Dongju go shopping together and never ask me if I want to join them, and they never buy me anything either but they buy things for each other.” He breathed after taking that out of his chest, he had stopped sobbing but he still couldn't look at any of them, he felt self-conscious. “And yesterday, when you said oneus is five… it made me feel like I don't matter and that you would be better off without me.” Seoho heard someone sobbing and he didn't have to look up to know it was Keonhee. “Don't cry, please, I didn't want to make you feel bad, I just… I'm sorry.”
“No, no, why are you apologizing?” Geonhak finally talked and moved Youngjo away just to kneel in front of Seoho. “I'm the one that's sorry, we didn't know our actions were harming you this bad and…” his voice broke, which made Seoho stare at his glassy eyes. “Don't cry…” Geonhak wiped the single tear that got stuck on his cheek.
“You really matter to us, Seoho…” Keonhee said in between sobs.
“You do, I can promise you that.” Hwanwoong caressed his back.
“Seoho, I'm sorry for saying those words to you… I thought it was a stupid prank but now I know it wasn't and that I should measure the importance of what I say.” Dongju confessed, voice broken too. “Please, forgive me… I didn't mean to hurt you, I-”
“It's ok.” Seoho smiled at him, that signature smile of his that the fans loved so much. Dongju closed his eyes to avoid crying because he knew Seoho would always smile, even if his heart was broken into a tiny million pieces.
“We love you.” Youngjo confessed. Seoho stared at him with shiny eyes, he needed to hear those words so much that his heart felt at ease once again. “I love you.”
“Do you really? I don't want you to say it just because you found me crying and vulnerable, I really don't want you guys to lie just to make me feel good because it would make me feel worse." Seoho lowered his head again, but Keonhee walked to him and lifted his chin with his hands to make him look up at him.
“I love you, we all love you so fucking much and we don't know what we'd be without you. You're so important to us, and I can promise you that I mean it.” Keonhee hugged him. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Seoho said while burying his head on the crook of Keonhee's neck, who pushed him down to the bed and laid on top of him. “Now you will not get rid of me.”
“Or none of us, actually.” Hwanwoong said while throwing himself on top of Keonhee.
The rest followed him and Seoho was covered by a human blanket made by the five of his friends.
“Okay, I actually can't breathe now.”
“Oops, sorry.” They got up and laughed in unison.