Chapter Text
"When did it start?"
Eric sat in front of the monitor inside their studio, the bright light of the screen creating a stark contrast with dim lighting of the LED's that lined the room. Eric had his headphones plugged in, resting one side of his face on his hand, while the other one twiddled with the mouse. Shuffling through his Spotify playlist, he sat there restless, as the world around him seemed to disappear in all the different songs that were being shuffled through.
"When did what start?" Juyeon asked, peeling one side of Eric's headphones off his ear.
Eric jumped, "yAh! Oh- Hyung it's just you," Eric gave a heavy sigh as he rested his hand over his heart, " You surprised me all of sudden there," Eric paused the random song that was playing into his ears.
"Ah, sorry about that Youngjae," Juyeon smiled, rubbing the top of Eric's head, "I thought you'd be hungry after today's practice so I got us some fried chicken," He set the steamy bag on the table, pulling the couch a little closer to the table as he sat down on it.
"Wow Hyung," Eric crossed his arms over his chest, like an "X" over his heart.
"Huh?"
Eric's gripped his shoulders, shifting them in a dorky way side to side, "You always seem to resolve all of my needs, I was getting rather hungry!" Eric giggled in a playful way.
Juyeon let a small huff out through his smile, "Stop that," lightly tapping Eric's arm, "Hurry and eat before the chicken get's soggy. Do you want some tea, or soda? I didn't know which one you'd want?"
Eric rustled the plastic bag open, "Hmm, you decide for me, I don't mind either one,"
Juyeon placed the soda by Eric's mouse pad, being careful not to have it in a way where Eric could knock it over. Since he had already opened it for the younger.
"Hold on," Eric said while picking a piece of chicken up, "Won't we get in trouble for eating this? Didn't manager-ssi say not to eat fried food since it'll make our faces puffy? We have a promotional shoot this week, right?"
Juyeon brought a hand to his chin, seeming to be in deep contemplation, "Hmmm, true true, they might’ve said that,"
"Should we not eat this then?"
Juyeon gave a light smirk, "Nah, let's just eat, it won't matter if they don't know," The older paused, "Besides, your face is cute when it's all puffy. Like a baby,"
Eric puffed his cheeks out in a pouty way, "I'm not a baby,"
Again, Juyeon brought a hand to Eric's head, ruffling his hair up slightly, "You're my baby though~" Then proceeded to take a bite out of a wing.
Eric sat there in defeat, saying nothing as he brought a drumstick to his mouth. Chewing on it slowly as the sensation of Juyeon's hand lingered on his head. Different to the silence of the 2 of them eating, Eric's head was buzzing around. He tried not to show it, but Juyeon's comment made Eric pretty flustered. He wasn't sure if his face was blushing or not, but he prayed that it wasn't noticeable in the dark dimmed room. 'Maybe it was moments like this?' Eric thought to himself.
Juyeon's voice cut through the silence, "What were you exactly going on about before I got here Youngjae?"
Eric turned to Juyeon, confused to what the older just said, he couldn't really hear it clearly. Juyeon, reading Eric's face understood immediately, and started gesturing to his head. Eric was still confused about the situation, and tilted his head slightly in response. Juyeon sighed as he set his chicken down, reaching forward towards Eric's headphones. Eric was a bit taken back from the sudden movement, flinching back in response. This made Juyeon have to reach farther, shifting his body forwards, caging Eric's head and body between his arms and chest. Juyeon slid the headphones off Eric's head, resting them gently on his neck, "I think you forgot you still had these on,"
"Right, sorry," Eric chuckled. He felt a slight heat rise from he chest, up his neck. A little embarrassed about that interaction.
"It's alright," Juyeon laughed, "I was just asking what you were talking about before I arrived?"
"Oh that! Uhhhhh," Eric paused, having to think back a bit, "Right! I was just talking out loud to myself,"
"About?" Juyeon mumbled through chicken in his mouth.
"Um," Eric took another moment to think, "About one of the shows I like, I was wondering when it came out," Eric internally cringe at how long it took to answer that.
"Ah, alright," Juyeon voice trailed off, "Oh Youngjae, I have a story, it's really funny,"
Eric hummed in response, grabbing another piece of chicken, "What's it about?"
”Well before getting fried chicken, Hyunjae and I went out to the supermarket to get some groceries. While there, there was this grade school boy with his mom, the kid was really energetic and loud. Kinda like someone I know,”
“HrRY!” Eric growled through chicken. (“Hey!”)
This prompted Juyeon to crack up, “ No no, not like that. He was very adorable as well!” Juyeon reached for Eric’s arm, which was resting on the office chair, “Anyways, the boy started to secretly follow us around. He wasn’t the best at being discreet, since every time we’d turn around, we’d catch him starring at us, then run away,”
Juyeon paused and looked up at Eric, who was still munching on the chicken, but still gave Juyeon his attention. They linked eye contact for a couple of seconds, “Is that all?” Eric asked.
Juyeon blinked his eyes a couple of times, “Ah no, sorry. But at the check up line, the little boy came over to us and tugged on the hem of my jacket. His mother was a few feet away from us, watching her son. Hyunjae and I turned to look at the kid, asking him if we could help him with something. The boy shook his head, and slowly brought his hand up, opening it to reveal a few pieces of candy.” Juyeon stopped mid sentence, “Oh! I actually have them in my pocket, here,”
Juyeon reached his hand into his pocket, pulling out a piece that seemed to be strawberry flavored candy.
“Woah- that’s my favorite,” Eric’s eyes opened in surprise.
Juyeon let out a small, “Yeah, I know,” as he opened the candy, “But the boy said that he was giving them to us, since his mother told him it was important to share with his friends,”
“Did you know the boy?”
“Nope,” Juyeon brought the candy over to Eric’s mouth.
Eric watched Juyeon hover the candy towards his face, “Then what did you say in response?”
“Well I told him that his mom is right, and that sharing with friends are important. I did tell him to take his candy back though,”
”Then why do you have it now?” Juyeon plopped the candy into Eric’s mouth a split second after he asked. The process seemingly natural.
“Well the boy asked if we were friends or not, and I told him that I’d love to be friends with him,”
“I didn’t know you were so good at handling kids Hyung?” Eric patted Juyeons arms.
Juyeon chuckled, “No, I’m not really the best at handling kids, Hyunjae did most of the talking. He just reminded me of you, or at least how you might’ve been at that age. He really was cute,”
Eric chuckled at that remark, “You know I was a lot more reserved as a kid, it’s only when Hyunjae was brought into my life that I became more lively,”
Juyeon leaned back, “I’d like you either way. Even if Hyunjae never rubbed off on you, you’d still be my Youngjae to me,”
Eric couldn’t help but laugh at that, “Wow Hyung, you sounded like my mom there,” throwing his chicken bones into the now empty box.
“Hey! I’m being for real!” Juyeon whined as his eyes smiled.
Eric reached for the pile of bones Juyeon made, throwing them into the box, “Haha, alright Hyung. That was a nice story though,”
“Right? I told you, Hyunjae and I couldn’t get over how much he reminded us of you,”
Eric could feel his ears heating up, “Ok, let’s clean up now,”
Juyeon shifted from his seat, grabbing the empty cans and box. Tossing them into the plastic bag, "Alright, I'm gonna throw this out then," He turned around to exit the room, "Ah right, Youngjae I forgot to ask, you want to come with me to the practice room? I think I'm gonna practice a bit more after digesting?"
Eric looked back at Juyeon, the older was wearing a pair of grey baggy sweat pants with the navy pull over hoodie. A bit of the T-shirt underneath was peaking through the bottom hem of the hoodie. Juyeon's cheek were still a bit rosy from walking outside. His hair fluffed up and messy from the wind. Eric felt a lump form in his throat, "Ah, I think I'm a bit busy right now Hyung," Eric saw Juyeon slightly frown, slightly. "But if you're still there when I'm done, I'll join you,"
Juyeon scratched the back of his neck, "Sounds good, don't stay too busy then," Juyeon lips curled up, "I'll be waiting."
And with that, Juyeon grabbed the door handle and pulled it open. Disappearing behind the translucent glass pane. The last thing Eric saw were the small wisps of Juyeon's hair. As soon as the door closed shut, Eric threw himself back on the chair he was already sitting on. Slowly sliding further down the back rest, he pulled his headphones back onto his ears, blasting the music into his head louder than before.
Eric lowly grumbled, "shit-" He had his hands gripping each side of his headphones. He could feel his hands blush red as he tried to drown out his thoughts with the music. He squeezed his eyes closed, leaning his head back.
If it wasn't evident enough already, Eric didn't have anything to do. There wasn't anything for Eric to do, since he hated having anything on his plate. Except, there was this one thing that took up all his time, or rather didn't go away, even if he devoted all his time to it. Always resting on his shoulders while he danced, sang, ate, relaxed, slept, etc. It's been tormenting Eric for the past week, every since he received the news that one of his childhood buddies was getting married. He was on call with him, congratulating them, but also apologizing since he couldn't attend their big day cause, ya'know, his idol life.
They were totally understanding of Eric's situation, but they did ask something that got Eric to jump in his seat.
"Are you with someone at the moment? Or like, interested in someone? I'm sure with being an Idol and all, you're always surrounded by some of the most influential and famous people in South Korea,"
Eric remembered vividly how time seemed to slow down at that exact moment, unsure of how to respond to something like that. He only laughed into the phone, telling his friend that he was to preoccupied with his job to think of silly stuff like that.
However, that couldn't be farther from the truth.
When their call ended, Eric could hear his heart thump against his ribcage, that he wasn't sure if his friend on the either side heard it or not. Here's the dilemma that our poor maknae was in,
The one that every person who comes of age, goes through.
Actually, even at the earliest age, someone can feel themselves in the same position as Eric.
Through the music that was violating Eric's ears, he heard a faint knock at the door behind him, "Eric? You in there?"
Eric bounced up from his seat, reaching for the door. A pool of warm light rained down on Eric as he opened the door, making him squint, "Oh, hey Sunwoo," Eric pulled his headphones down, "What's up?"
"We're going back to the dorms now. Just thought I should let you know since I didn't see you in the other room with Juyeon Hyung," Sunwoo paused, "Wait- why aren't you in there with him?"
Eric couldn't shake the feeling that he was being interrogated, "Um... I was just caught up in something. So I told him to go ahead without me,"
"With what?" Sunwoo gave him a questioning look, "You weren't doing a Vlive? I didn't see any notifications pop up on my phone,"
"I was, um, on a call with my mom. She just wanted to see how I was doing," Eric awkwardly laughed.
The lack of response from Sunwoo made Eric fidget in his spot, "Ok, sure... Well anyways, are you coming with? Or are you gonna come back with Juyeon? Seeing as your call with eomma is over," (eomma = A mother-in-law or your acquaintance’s mother)
Eric turned his head around back to the monitor, displaying nothing-
blank.
"Yeah, um, lemme just clean up," Eric flipped his head around, "I'll be out right away,"
Sunwoo seemed a little surprised by Eric's answer, "Sure ok, we'll be at the car waiting."
Eric closed the door, not noticing the perplexed look on Sunwoo's face. Eric leaned back on the closed door, sighing as he felt his head get foggier.
"I'm the worse," Eric cursed to himself. Pushing himself up from the door as he went to grab his belongings. He glanced at the pile of sticky notes on the table, ripping one off as he clicked open a pen. He scribbled a few words on the piece of paper, laying it in the center of the table. He left the room, standing under the warm light that shined a top of the younger. He looked down the hallway behind him, the sound of music from one of the practice room's in the distance bounced off the walls and into Eric's ear. He pressed his lips together tightly, as he looked back forwards and walked towards the elevators.
Juyeon felt sticky with sweat, his lungs pumping air into his veins a bit more violently. He's been practicing some choreographed dances for about 45 minutes now, with no sign of Eric coming. He paused the music, taking a sip of his water as he glanced at the time on his phone. It read 12:02 am. Juyeon, curious as to what Eric could be so busy with, decided to take a break and check up on Eric. He stepped outside the practice room, looking around in the uncomfortable silence. He figured everyone else had already gone back to their dorms. Still, Juyeon couldn't shake off this eerie feeling that clung to his back. He headed towards Eric's and his shared studio.
He gripped the handle of the door to their shared studio, picturing in his mind Eric sleeping on the table hunched over. Drool sliding down his cheek, his glasses warped from the pressure of his head against the table. Juyeon would take a picture to show Eric, once he woke up, how goofy he looked. Or maybe Eric was still up, so engrossed in what he was doing that Juyeon could sneak up on him and scare him. The possibilities that were running through Juyeon's head brought a stupid smile to his face.
Juyeon knocked on the door first, waiting for any reaction. When he heard nothing, he was sure Eric was sleeping. The older cracked the door open, expecting to see Eric's body slouched on top of the table. However, seeing no one occupying the chair in the studio, Juyeon swung the door wide open. Rushing in to see no one. He spun around the room, confused as to why no one was there.
"Is he in the bathroom?" Juyeon questioned to himself.
Then, he spotted a small piece of paper on the table, with a few scribbles written on it. Juyeon picked it up to get a better look.
'Sorry, I got tired so I'm going back to the dorms first
Good night!'
Juyeon tilted his head, "Huh?"
It's not like this was the first time Eric went back first, but he'd always let Juyeon know verbally before heading off. Often times acting all chummy and cute, to cover up his guilt of leaving the older in the later hours of the night to sleep. Juyeon kept reading the words out loud to himself, something about this felt weird, foreign, off.
Juyeon stuffed the note into his pocket, turning off the lights in studio before leaving.
"He didn't even turn off the lights," Juyeon muttered, "That's why it was so quite..."
Eric opened the door to his room, which was shared with Younghoon.
"Oh, you're back early tonight Eric?" Younghoon was perched on his bed, on his laptop looking through some article.
"Ah, yeah I was feeling tired Hyung," Eric sighed as he flopped on his bed.
"Hmm, alright then," Younghoon said, "Actually, want some ramen? I'm a bit bored and hungry too," He set his laptop to the side, closing it shut.
Eric's face was buried in his pillow, "Nr, I'rm frn," ("No, I'm fine,")
Younghoon shot up, "Wah? Eric doesn't want ramen?!" He covered his mouth is a teasing manner.
"I already had some fried chicken with Juyeon Hyung," Erin pulled his body up, resting on his elbows.
"When? Oh- did Juyeon come back too? Guess practice worn the 2 of you out," Younghoon laughed to himself.
"No, I think Juyeon is still there practicing? He asked me if I wanted to go with him after he brought fried chicken,"
"Oh..." Younghood said flatly, not expecting that answer from Eric.
"Hm?"
"Ah, nothing, I just thought you two would be together,"
Eric let a small "ah" slip from his lips.
To both of their surprise, Eric started coughing. The younger brought a a fist up to his mouth, trying to calm his breath. Younghoon came to his side, patting him on the back, "Woah, Eric! You ok there dude? I'll get you some water," He got up from the bed and hurried to the door.
A few moments later, the older returned with a glass of water, handing it over to Eric.
"Thanks Younghoon Hyung," Eric shyly took a sip, "I don't know where that came from,"
"Well take it easy, we don't want you coming down with something,"
Eric nodded his head, appreciating the worry and concern over him, "Yeah, got it,"
Younghoon smiled at the youngest, waking over to the lights, "I'm gonna turn off the light now, get some rest Eric. I'll be outside for a bit,"
Eric shimmied into his sheet, fixing his body to a comfortable position, "Night Hyung."
"Night," Younghoon responded, leaving the door slightly askew. The light from the hallway shinned a thin line onto Eric's bed.
Eric stared at the line of light, staining the back wall he was faced towards. As much as he tried to sleep, he just couldn't. Maybe he should've called his mom, he always missed her, perhaps his mother would have some way to alleviate his woes. Eric's mind was so full, yet empty. Like a tank filled with water, pouring out and over into his daily thoughts. It made them soggy and wet, adding water weight to every action. It's important for everyone to stay hydrated, and drink water. But Eric felt over hydrated, too heavy with nothing.
He could hear the other members outside in the living room, there was always a constant mumble of chatter. Eric didn't mind it though, it was like white noise to his head that was ringing. He heard the front door open, which slightly confused Eric as to who was coming here at this hour. It was roughly 12:30 am. He didn't give it much thought though, trying to fall asleep. Then he heard it. A sound that would always cut through anything, to him.
"Is Eric here?"
"Yeah, he came back now to long ago. He's sleeping in his room right now,"
"Why? Is there something wrong?"
"No, I was just making sure he was here,"
"Did something happen?"
"No no, nothing. I was just checking,"
"Well let's not bother him, he's trying to sleep right now,"
"I know, I know. I just wanna check on him,"
Eric stiffened. He could hear soft foot steps approach the door. He watched as the light on the back wall disappear, he glanced up towards the ceiling, and saw the shadow of someone's head. The door gave a small creak.
"Hey, what are you doing?"
"Can't I go in?"
"You shouldn't, Eric was coughing early. So I'm not sure if he's coming down with something,"
"Huh? What?"
"Yeah,"
"What about you?"
"I'll be fine, I've been around Eric enough,"
"What? But-... never mind,"
There was a pause in their conversation. Eric shuffled awkwardly, sensing a couple pairs of eyes on his back.
"Ok let's go, wouldn't want to wake him up,"
Eric heard them walk away from the door, however the shadow blocking the light from the hallway was still there. Eric wasn't stupid, he could tell who it was from the hair strand's shadows. He felt a drop of sweat run down his chin, which was odd since Eric felt rather cold.
After what felt like eternity, the figure backed off from the door. Eric breathed out in relief, releasing the tension in his bones from the past 5 minutes. Eric brought his hands up to his face, cupping it. The cold feeling of his fingers cooled his warm face down. Perhaps his face was red again. He's been feeling himself getting warmer, more often. However, his head felt too fuzzy to think much more on anything. He just wanted to slip away into nothing. To float on the surface.
Eric felt his eye lid's flutter.
Growing heavier.
He wasn't sure if he heard properly, but thinking back, perhaps he did.
He sworn he could've heard his voice.
"Good night Youngjae."
'Good night Hyung,' Eric thought to himself.
Drifting away to sleep.