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Kaji didn't expect to have a kid in his car. As a matter of fact, he didn't expect to have passengers at all. But as he drove away from Seele's headquarters, he became aware of the small little ball of white hair in the backseat.
-Mh, this thing tastes funny… Oh, well, must be these squishy maggots! Mr Keel refused to give me porridge again and I dug this bowl out of the trash. How lucky of me!- Kaworu Nagisa commented out loud.
The man let out a screech at the sight of Project Tabris XY outside the lab - and in his vehicle , of all places. Looking at him through the rearview mirror, Kaji could see the child smiling and staring at his reflection with wide crimson eyes, kicking his feet under the seat. He held what he said was a wooden bowl of rotten porridge in his tiny hands.
-What are you doing here, Nagisa?!- he asked, already sweating profusely. Quickly changing his plans, he pulled over the car in the nearest free spot he could find with a loud tud. Seele was gonna kill him.
-I was wondering if you could take me somewhere- the kid chanted, the same innocent smirk painted on his alabaster face. He took a good spoonful of porridge and swallowed, content with himself.
-I can't take you anywhere, I'm afraid. We have to go back to the lab-
Kaworu almost choked on his snack.
-Please, I’m begging you! I’ve tried asking around other agents, yet everyone gave me the same cold reply, so I just figured I’d be easier to sneak out myself-
-And where should I hypothetically take you?-
-We shall visit the milk aisle!- Kaworu proclaimed excitedly.
-...The milk aisle?- Saying that Kaji was confused would be an understatement.
-That magical place where Lilins go when they leave their children home!- the kid explained, hands wrapping excitedly around the bowl of porridge. -Ayanami Rei told me that Doctor Akagi goes to the milk aisle every once in a while and she comes back after a few days. It must hold so many delightful secrets if Lilins are drawn to it to such an extent!-
-Listen, Nagisa, what you’re describing is a neglectful guardian being too fed up to watch over their kid, not Sugarcandy Mountain-
-What is a Sugarcandy Mountain? It sounds like a glorious place to explore next!- Kaworu asked, mouth open wide in astonishment.
"Jesus Christ, why don't I ever shut up…"
-They'll never notice I'm gone! It'll be just for a few hours, please! I already told the agents I had to poop really badly, they won’t suspect anything!- the child added in a rush noticing Kaji’s furrowed brow.
-Nagisa, a poop doesn't last for a few hours-
-You clearly don't know anything about us angels' digestive system, Mr Kaji-
-Okay, you're just making things up now-
-Your accusations are untrue-
That hint of offence in his voice wasn’t a good sign, Kaji told himself. Though he wasn’t Tabris’ - Kaworu’s - guardian, he had still been advised not to anger or sadden the boy in the rare cases he were to interact with him. That rule was mandatory for each and every Seele agent. No one could comment on his appearance or behaviour - except to call him out when his attitude was compromising a test - and it was absolutely forbidden to engrain strange ideas onto his head, let alone escort him out of the facility he’d lived in his entire, short life.
“His place is inside these walls” Laurenz Keel had told him when he asked why Kaworu wasn’t permitted to have a normal childhood. “It is what’s best for him and for everyone else. He is too important to damage, and too dangerous to let out. Despite being of a kind and quiet nature, he has not yet fully developed, and could rebel any moment now.”
Bullshit , Kaji tought. He couldn’t help but feel bad for that poor creature. How was he supposed to be the angel of free will, if he was being treated like a puppet?
Still. That was his job. And disobeying was out of the question. His position was too delicate to risk. He had to correctly balance every aspect of his many, many lives: he was one of Seele’s spies, a government agent, Nerv’s new entrusted employee, himself and the shadow of the man he could’ve been.
His memory drifted back to many years prior. Events that he thought were buried in the sands of time emerged. When he looked back at Kaworu again, he saw a scared kid in his eyes, one with dark hair and a vacant stare who’d witnessed too much. A name long forgotten lingered on the tip of this tongue.
-...Buckle up, kid-
-So we are going?!- The child’s face lightened up with pure joy, and Kaji swore he’d never seen a little boy as enthusiastic as that tiny ball of white hair. He was kind of adorable, for a lab experiment.
-Just this once. I’ll cover up for you, but you’ve gotta promise me you’ll never sneak in my car again-
-On my life, Mr Kaji!-
Thank God the first Izumiya supermarket wasn’t that far from the headquarters, because Kaji was quite frankly shitting his pants : Seele forgot to mention that when Tabris was excited he started levitating around - hell, perhaps they didn’t even know, seen the conditions that boy lived in - so the man was too scared to even open the windows and let fresh air in. As they walked past the automatic door, Kaworu held onto Kaji’s hand like his life depended on it.
-Scared?- he asked, looking down to see the kid staring wide eyed at the aisles around him.
-This place is just as big as the lab, is it?-
-Mh, I wouldn’t say that-
-And there are so many people!- Kaworu screeched. -I’ve never seen this many Lilins in my life!-
“Well, he surely is easy to impress,” Kaji thought, since the supermarket was not even remotely crowded. They marched towards the dairy section, and on the way they had to take several stops so that the little boy could point at mothers with children and canned beans and piles of instant ramen - giving a detailed commentary every time, of course. A young woman pushing a cart was so moved by Kaworu’s dedication that she couldn’t help but tell Kaji he had such a cute son .
-Ladies love caring single dads, Nagisa- he jokingly said once the woman was out of sight. -I should take you out with me more often, you might even help me find a girlfriend with that pretty face of yours-
-Really?!- the boy asked, his smile spreading even wider. Kaji regretted opening his mouth.
-We’ll see. Now, onto the milk aisle!-
The expression on Kaworu’s face was… How could one even begin to describe it? It was something between flabbergasted, amused and absolutely adoring. His nose was pressed against the glass protecting various dairy products, while towers and towers of milk cans stood against the wall behind him. He was in heaven.
-Look, Mr Kaji! They have four different types of mozzarella! I counted them myself! How could such an exotic food be created and exported here in these quantities?!- he shouted.
Seeing him going crazy over cheese was incredibly endearing, really. His life in that lab must’ve been depressing if it took so little to make him happy.
-I can see why Doctor Akagi spends so much time here! It is indeed beautiful! Can we buy something, Mr Kaji? As a souvenir!-
-It’s not exactly a souvenir, Nagisa. Once you buy these things, you’ve got to eat them or they’ll rot. That’s why they’re kept in a freezer-
-I can eat them?!-
-I dunno, are you lactose intolerant?-
-I believe I am not-
-Then it’s a deal-
They walked out ten minutes later with two ice creams and a few yen less.
-Mr Kaji?-
-Yes, Nagisa?-
-Why don’t you ever call me Kaworu?-
They were back on the road. Having finished both of their snacks, silence had wrapped them in its embrace like a blanket.
-I was ordered to refer to you by your last name only-
-How come? I’m not an adult like you-
-As a sign of respect, since you’re the vessel of Adam. And to avoid that you attach yourself to people-
-I want you to get attached, though! I already have!-
-I know. But the old men said it’s best for you if you don’t…-
-What’s best for me and what I want are not the same thing- Kaworu cut him off. He was staring at his feet, fidgeting with the end of his shirt - a blue marine one, part of the sailor suit he was wearing. They dressed him up like a schoolboy to hide all possible hints he wasn’t human, yet then they didn’t let him out of the facility. His life was the most depressing joke he’d ever witnessed.
-..Is it alright if they’re not the same thing?- he added under his breath.
As the Seele headquarters drew nearer, Kaji started to think he couldn’t take it anymore. It was one thing to exchange formalities with that little creature and witness experiments, but having such heartfelt conversations with him... It was sad - it was so sad - that he had to worry about his own private thoughts not being good enough for someone else.
-It is- he sighed, serious as ever. -It’s part of human nature to go against other’s wishes, at times. That is what we call free will, or, having a mind of your own-
“Please don’t be crying” the man thought when he saw the boy in the backseat hadn’t raised his head. “Please please please don’t be crying, justifying a trip to the mall is going to be hard enough to justify, I can’t hand back a child crying. I can’t handle a child crying. I don’t know how. I don’t remember how it used to be. Back then, with my brother. ”
-Hey, Kaworu. Look at me- he whispered. The sound of fabric shifting and a sniff filled the air. He continued. -I don’t want to disobey Seele. But I can’t watch you like this-
-...I doubt there’s a way out of this, Mr Kaji-
-There is. I can fill a request to take you under my custody-
The boy slowly raised his head, the tiniest bit of hope in his ruby-red eyes.
-Like Ayanami and Doctor Akagi?-
-Yeah, kind of. I’m not going to the milk aisle without you, though. I promise-