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English
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Published:
2022-07-28
Completed:
2022-07-30
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1,376
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3/3
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i don't regret it one bit, 'cause she had it comin'

Summary:

The Cali Crew had "conveniently forgotten" to mention to the rest of the party that El had been arrested.

Argyle didn't get the memo.

Or,

How a silly post-credits scene could've gone.

Notes:

hi all! this was a dumb idea i thought of last night and i just had to write it! i think it would've been hilarious if there was a post-credits scene where all the characters find out about el's prison era, so this is how i would imagine it playing out. it's not my best work, but i had fun writing it and that's all that matters! hope you enjoy! <3

title is from i did something bad by taylor swift!!

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

The sun was just starting to set over the secluded cabin in the woods, yet the sky was already dark from the smoke that polluted the air. Inside the cabin, a large group of teens and adults sat huddled in the cramped living room. The small home was still in the process of being repaired, but most of the holes had been patched up earlier that day.

 

Joyce, Hopper, and El were all squeezed onto one couch, El and Joyce cuddling deeply into Hopper’s sides. Nancy and Robin took up the two living room chairs, while Erica, Steve, Jonathan, and Argyle had dragged over the wooden chairs from the kitchen. The rest of the party had settled themselves on the floor with a few spare pillows for cushion. 

 

After the “snowing” incident in the afternoon, the party elected to meet up at the cabin to commence with their yearly end-of-the-world information exchange. With mugs of now lukewarm tea, they all sat together, Nancy wrapping up the story of what happened in Hawkins for the past week. The mood was somber, everyone feeling the grave effects of the events that plagued their once cherished hometown.

 

“So, that’s where we’re at now,” Nancy said, wiping at the tears that had been flowing down her cheeks. The room was quiet as the party processed all the information they had just been told. The moment of silence was broken by Dustin, “Does anyone else..have anything to add…or something? Like to make sure we’re all on the same page?”

 

“Oh yeah, I have a question,” Argyle exclaimed, the first words he had spoken that evening. Everyone in the room turned to look at him, empathetic to the confusion that the newcomer must be experiencing and ready to clear up any misunderstandings they assumed he may have.

 

“What ever happened to that girl that got shmacked at the roller skating rink?” 

 

They all stared with furrowed eyebrows, wondering where his obscure statement was coming from, considering that this was the first mention of anything to do with roller skating they had heard so far. Mike and Will suddenly became very interested in the wooden floors, trying not to look at El, who had tensed up immediately. Jonathan cringed and buried his face into his hands, much to the confusion of the rest of the group.

 

Erica was the first to interject, “And that’s relevant to the situation…how exactly?”

 

“Well, yeah, Supergirl over there…” all eyes turned to El, who was frozen at Hopper’s side, “...she shmacked a girl in the face with a roller skate. There was blood all over her face and she had, like, a concussion, it was wild, my dudes. That’s the reason why Supergirl got arrested in the first place!” He finished dramatically.

 

It took a few seconds for the group to process what he had just said, but when they did, the entire room was in uproar.

 

“What?!”

 

“El was arrested?” 

 

“Why didn’t anybody say anything!” 

 

“That’s actually badass.”

 

“Dustin!”

 

“It is, though!”

 

“When did that happen?”

 

“Are you joking?”

 

“ El was the one who hit that girl?!” Joyce shrieked, feeling guilty for leaving the kids to their own devices.

 

“Arrested?! You guys didn’t mention anything about El being arrested!” Hopper yelled.

 

“Well, to be fair, we kinda forgot. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Owens dropped the charges and everything,” Jonathan defended.

 

“Being arrested isn’t a big deal? You’re telling that to the former Chief of Police!” 

 

“If you think about every other goddamn thing that happened this week, then yeah, it really isn’t!” 

 

Hopper glared at him, but there wasn’t much he could say in response to that. After everyone stopped shouting, they looked to El, waiting for her to verify the story. She just shrugged and said quietly, “She deserved it.” Mike and Will nodded eagerly in confirmation. 

 

“Oh yeah, definitely.”

 

“She had it coming for a long time.”

 

“Vicious skate attacks. They happen more often than you think. That’s why they make the wheels out of soft rubber,” Argyle added.

 

“Oh Jesus,” Hopper groaned, burying his head into hands. “Is there anything else you kids conveniently forgot to mention?” 

 

“Concussion, huh?” Steve murmured to himself, only to receive a comforting pat from Robin.

Chapter 2: bonus chapter!

Notes:

i know it's short but i wanted to add just a little extra for fun! i think this part is a bit more ooc for the show but oh well. that's fanfic for ya! enjoy <3

Chapter Text

“So, that’s it then? All the information’s out on the table?” Hopper asked with dwindling patience.

 

Everyone looked at each other questioningly. “We mentioned that the house got shot up by the military, right?” inquired Will.

 

“Yes, you did mention that,” Joyce winced. The room went quiet again, mourning the financial loss of the Byers, not for the first time, unsurprisingly. 

 

“Does it run in the Hopper family blood to just beat the shit out of people all the time?” Dustin blurted out.

 

“ Dustin!”

 

“You can’t tell me I’m wrong!”

 

“Woah, woah, woah,” Argyle interjected, “I know it sounds pretty crazy, but in Supergirl’s defense, she didn’t beat the shit out of that girl. It was just a little blip.”

 

“Argyle, do me a favor, and shut the fuck up.”

 

“ Jonathan!” Joyce gasped.

 

“Look,” Hopper sighed, “can we just move on from the whole arresting situation? Because that’s pretty much the last thing I want to be thinking about right now.” El nodded in agreement, “I second that.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“For sure.”

 

“Definitely.”

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

After a few seconds, Argyle turned to address Hopper. “Do you also use salty tubs to enhance your fighting power?” 

 

Jonathan sighed.

Chapter 3: surprise! another one!

Notes:

i thought i was done with this after last chapter but i guess not lmao atp this fic is basically crack so remember not to take it too seriously! this might be the last chapter, but if you have any ideas you would like to see, feel free to comment and i'll try to write them if i have time! enjoy!

Chapter Text

The party decided to hold an impromptu sleepover at the cabin that night, despite Hopper’s displeasure with the arrangement. They gathered the musty blankets from the hallway cabinet, shook off the dust, and spread them around the living room, along with every pillow they could find. It had been a long and stressful day for everyone, Joyce ordered that bedtime was to commence as soon as possible.

 

The group got settled as comfortably as they could, and once everything was taken care of, lights were off, leaving the room in pitch black. The woods surrounding the cabin provided a pleasant silence, which was very much welcome. 

 

“I miss Unknown Hero Agent Man.” Argyle said after a few minutes.

 

“Oh my god.”

 

“Jonathan, get your high ass friend to shut up!”

 

“Who the hell is Unknown Hero Agent Man?” Hopper grit out in frustration.

 

Jonathan turned to the direction of Hopper’s voice, “Dude, don’t entertain him.”

 

Argyle answered anyways, “He was a government dude that got shot while saving Jonathan, Will, and Mike from the other government dudes. He died in the back of my pizza van, so we buried him in the desert. But he sure was the best Unknown Hero Agent Man I’ve ever met.”

 

“Holy shit.” Robin’s voice came out in a sarcastically joyful tone.

 

“When the fuck did that happen? Do you guys just keep leaving out details on purpose?” Steve screeched.

 

Mike looked frankly offended. “No! Of course not! I’m serious, we actually forgot to mention that!” He looked at Will for help, but the boy had concerns of his own.

 

“How is he still high? I just don’t get it, we gave the last of the weed to that Surfer Boy Pizza employee.”

 

“Well, he was picking shrooms earlier…” Nancy recalled.

 

“Storytime is over, nerds. Get back to sleep before I make you,” grumbled Erica. 

 

Lucas snapped, “If anyone has anything else to get out of their systems before we go to bed, do it now so that we can finally get some goddamn rest!” 

 

“Does anyone have some Purple Palm Tree Delight?”

 

Hopper lunged for the lump he assumed was Argyle, though it was difficult to tell in the darkness. Luckily, Joyce managed to grab onto him, keeping him from reaching the teen.

 

“Jesus, Hop! And you wonder why El went around smacking people up? You don’t set a very good example!” Joyce exclaimed.

 

“I thought we were not talking about that anymore,” remarked El.

 

“I know, I’m sorry sweetie, I just don’t want your dad to give the poor boy a concussion.”

 

“Can we agree to not talk about concussions either?” Steve begged, a shiver running down his spine. Robin reached over to give him another reassuring pat, but her hand somehow ended up on Lucas’s face.