Chapter Text
10:03 AM.
.
..
...
Today might be the day. Today...might be the day.
“Today….ah..” Mizuki Akiyama pondered getting out of bed. Why bother? Was there any real reason to go?
They felt around their bed until their fingers met their flip phone. They’d fallen asleep with their phone again….perfect.
As Mizuki sat up, they rubbed the sleep from their eyes and checked their phone. A few texts from their sister….but nothing else.
Nobody else.
They looked around their room. Despite it being big, it felt like a prison of their own design. White carpet, White curtains, White bedsheets, barely any décor at all. Just plain, and empty. The only things to do in there were sleep and go on the internet. To stay in here was to waste away, and yet that’s what Mizuki had been doing for the past week or so. The reason wasn’t solid, but they knew that being out too long made their mind exhausted.
Reluctantly, Mizuki got up and headed over to the bathroom to wash their face and brush their teeth. Pink toothbrush and face towel. Possibly the only splash of color that continues to capture their attention. As they cleaned up, Mizuki thought of the excuses they could give to the teacher for the missing work, absences, etc.
'At this point, it could be an issue with the principal…I hope they’ll cut me some slack.'
...
'Ah, who am I kidding. They probably don't care anymore.'
Once they finished, they took a breath in, and out.
When Mizuki looked in the mirror, they found a stranger staring back at them.
Walking into the classroom, they only spotted a few classmates hanging around. The halls were covered in decorations, and music was playing over the P.A. Some students stared at them. A few familiar faces. This was an indication that Mizuki had either arrived earlier than normal, or the class was moving to another space in the school. They stared at the clock for a bit and realized it was the latter.
“Woah, is that you dude??”
“Huh? Akiyama? Speak of the devil!”
Two other boys sprung up and grabbed each of Mizuki’s arms, tugging playfully. Mizuki themselves barely flashed a smile. “Aku…..Tadeo….morning….”
Tadeo, a brown-haired boy with glasses, raised an eyebrow. “You’re joking. The School Festival is today! You finally crawl out of your grave and you can’t even come early?”
Mizuki frowned. “Let go of me…both of you. You sound like our homeroom teacher, Tadeo.”
Aku, a boy with shorter black hair, rolled his eyes and ran his hands through Mizuki’s hair. “You know it’s been weeks, right? Even your hair’s longer, you’re starting to look like a girl. People were spreading rumours that you’re in the hospital.”
Mizuki wasn’t exactly paying attention to either of them. Being seated next to those two in class is what landed them in this friend group, if you could even call it that. They hated how neither Aku nor Tadeo had any concept of personal space.
“My hair looks bad short…I like it like this.” They muttered.
Tadeo smiled. “Yeah? Well if it keeps growing you’ll be breaking the dress code. AND everyone knows that all the guys here that grow their hair long are kind of weirdos, yeah?”
Aku piped in. “Yup! We’re looking out for you. Without us you don’t have anyone in the class, right?”
Yup. Mizuki regretted coming to school. Why did these two idiots care who they did and didn't have?
“Mhm…so why aren’t you guys going wherever everyone else is? You’ll get told off.” Mizuki's nice way of telling them to scram.
“Hey, c’mon, we just wanna help! Nobody’s seen you in ages, and you look pretty bad right now. Without us you *really* won’t be able to fit in, Akiyama.” Tadeo started pushing Mizuki out of the classroom.
Aku walked a bit further and waited outside the hall. “Yeah Akiyama. Can’t you just try to act a bit more normal? Like, it hurts us too. Why did you always try to eavesdrop on the girl’s conversations while we were trying to talk to you? What do they have that Tadeo and I don’t?”
Mizuki’s mind started to feel heavy. It was as if these two boys were denser than rocks.
Perhaps Mizuki gave off the impression that they were interested in friending them at one point or another, but that interest died quickly after just a few days of being around them.
'They're just like everyone else....'
“Why are you always trying to solve my problems for me? Don’t you get that I don’t want to be around you?” They muttered.
Tadeo picked up what they said, but Aku did not. Tadeo pushed Mizuki forward with more force than before, causing them to stumble. “Well jeez, we’re trying to be nice. Have you ever heard of that emotion?” He walked out and stood beside Aku, staring at Mizuki with judgement. Mizuki met that stare with as much of a blank face as they could muster.
Don’t let them see you react.
Don’t appear bothered.
This is nothing.
“You know we wanted to see why everyone avoids you, right? That’s like, the only reason why we talked to you.” Aku glanced at his friend with slight shock on his face, then looked at Mizuki. Tadeo continued. “I mean, you seemed cool and normal too. But you’re not, are you? You’re acting like a weirdo and a shut-in. We thought you might’ve been chuunibyou, but it’s different. It's like you enjoy people talking behind your back."
Was it that hard to understand some people’s emotions? Clearly, they were uncomfortable because of their constant attempts to pry into their interests, life, and so on. And of course, nobody wants to be like this. Nobody wants to feel like they’re spectating their own body, watching life go by without them.
“....Are you gonna say anything back? Or keep staring? You’re acting weird.” Aku smiled a bit at Mizuki, maybe out of nervousness. He had clocked in on what was going on.
“He IS weird Aku. There’s like, something about his brain that’s wrong. We gave him a chance to be friends and be normal, but he blew it.” Tadeo tugged on Aku’s sleeve. “Just so you know Akiyama, I’m not being mean. I’m just saying what everyone else is saying. You’re not fun to be around.” There was a mix of annoyance and hurt in his voice.
...Hurt?
How could he be hurt?? He was the one invading Mizuki’s privacy.
They watched the two boys leave, struggling to determine what the right or wrong answer could be.
Once the boys turned a corner, Mizuki let out a shaky breath. They had a headache. Even after all this time, words still hurt. Mizuki thought they were numbed, but apparently not. They started walking in the opposite direction, faking obliviousness to the obvious stares of the remaining few classmates in their classroom. As they walked past the sea of kids and classrooms, their mind only grew more crowded. There were more happy voices around than usual. They headed up the flights of stairs, skipping 2 or 3 steps at a time. There was no hurry, and yet Mizuki felt like if they didn’t go up in time the ground would crumble under them.
'Nope, I'm not numb at all. I'm just tired...I wish I slept in.....'
They opened the doors to the rooftop and was hit with cool, fresh winds. They walked to the edge and leaned on the fence that protected anyone from falling off. The view wasn’t that extraordinary, but it was just what they needed to get through the horrible school days.
Mizuki gripped the fence tightly. They didn’t even feel like crying, they were just angry. So angry. They weren’t sure why or how, but they knew it was probably their own fault. This uncertain feeling has clung to them as far back as they can remember, and yet nothing they did nullified it. It just grew more and more, unsatisfied and tired, hungry and saddened.
They sat down and stretched their legs out.
“I hate these stupid shoes. Maybe I should take them off."
They watch a bird fly by.
"...But then if someone walked up here they’d get the wrong idea, huh? Hahahaha.”
They laughed to themselves more, then sighed. If this was how it would be for all of middle school, they weren’t sure if they could keep up with it. People coming and going, feelings clashing, it was too much. Being isolated from their peers was damaging them, but they had no clue how to mend things.
'I guess some people just have to live with solitude.'
After a few hours, Mizuki had gone back into the building to get some water to drink, and a snack.
'I managed to get some of the good bread…' A small smile crept onto their face. If there was one thing to come to school for, it was this.
But when they came back up, there was a figure standing in the exact spot they were at. A taller person, with hair that seemed just a bit longer than Mizuki’s, tied back. How’d they manage to take their spot on the roof, just like that? How long had it been?
“Who’s there…?”