Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 31st of March of an indeterminate year, is NOT this young man's birthday. Though it was almost 21 years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

Reader: Point out to the narrator that John already has a name.

Okay whatever, fuck this, were not doing the 2nd person point and click bullshit. Besides, John was not in the mood for that anyway. 

John Egbert stared out his bedroom window absentmindedly, pondering how the days seemed to only blend together more and more. It had been almost four years since he and his friends had completed their overly long game of Sburb. By this point, everyone had essentially settled into their new lives. They rarely used their God Tier abilities (flight and immortality aside) and John hadn’t messed with his ability to retcon the timeline since he arrived on Earth C. It had been long since he saw his friends. John didn’t leave the house much. As much as he wanted to accept invites from his friends to hang out, he just couldn’t bring himself to. Tonight, however was different. He had unwillingly accepted dinner plans with his friends when one of them extended an invite to him while he was sleepwalking (and apparently also sleep texting). There wasn’t any way he could weasel out of this one. He felt bad for having this mindset towards his friends. As much as he loved them all, he couldn’t shake the desire to isolate himself, even though “himself” was the person he actually had problems with.

He sighed heavily and walked to the bathroom. He glanced in the mirror on his way in. It had been almost a year and a half since he last had his hair cut, and it was starting to show. John studied his face and body for a moment before frowning and shaking his head. His younger self would most likely have been overjoyed at his passing resemblance to Cameron Poe (minus the facial hair), but present John couldn’t explain his aversion to his own appearance. 

John sat on the toilet and pulled out his phone, opening Pesterchum. Earth C was having a collective hipster phase, and at the time the old messaging app had eclipsed all other forms of digital communication in terms of popularity. John noticed he had an unread message, and promptly opened it.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 15:31 –
TT: Kanaya and I haven’t heard from you today, are our plans for dinner still on?
TT: I know you’ve been a bit quiet these past few months, but I’ve been really looking forward to seeing you tonight.
GT: yeah sorry, guess i’ve just been kinda distracted.
GT: idk why but i’ve felt off a bit lately.
TT: While we certainly do love your company, I would heavily recommend you stay inside if you are feeling sick.
TT: A new brood is being born soon, and Kanaya and I cannot be absent for that.
TT: Wouldn’t want the wigglers being sneezed on, you know.
GT: no, not like that, i mean,
GT: ugh, never mind.
GT: sorry for seeming like a downer, i’ll make sure to be there on time, i’m really looking forward to kanaya’s cooking again!
GT: just make sure she doesn’t go too wild with the grub sauce again hahaha.
TT: John.
TT: Are you sure you are ok?
GT: yeah, i’ll be fine!
GT: see you in a bit rose!
TT: Goodbye John.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 15:37 –

John quickly wrapped up his business in the bathroom and returned to his bedroom, promptly falling face first into bed, burying his head into his pillow in the process. Regret filled his mind as he thought of his interaction with Rose. He wished he hadn’t opened his mouth about what was bothering him. As much as he was looking forward to dinner with his friends, he could not shake the funk he had been in for the past…how long had he felt like this anyway? The more he thought about it the more he realized that he had felt this strangeness for as long as he could remember. Perhaps his ability to cope with and ignore this nebulous sadness had merely eroded over time. John never had a particularly large self-esteem, but now he could not seem to escape his own omnipresent self-loathing. He just hoped his friends hadn’t noticed any changes in mood from him.

Thinking of his friends, John realized he should probably get ready to leave. He changed into his signature black and green slimer shirt (he had outgrown his white one), a pair of jeans, and a green jacket. He checked his appearance quickly in the bathroom mirror once more before he left. He actually didn’t mind how he looked in this outfit all that much, at least in comparison to how he looked normally. After making sure everything in his house was in order, he stepped outside, and looked at the sky above him. It was a beautiful day out. Birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and the distant sound of children playing carried through the slight breeze that cut through the suburban grid of houses. This was enough to make John smile slightly. Fortunately for John, he would have plenty of time to admire the world he helped create, as he levitated off of the ground, and began flying to Rose and Kanaya’s hive in the Troll Kingdom. 

JOHN: fuck, this is probably gonna take a while.

And he was correct. After about a half hour of travel and crossing the border from The Human Kingdom, John arrived at the outskirts of the city he was looking for. Despite originally being the rulers of The Carapace Kingdom with Roxy and Calliope, Kanaya and Rose eventually decided to abdicate the throne and move to The Troll Kingdom in order for the two to have more convenience in helping tend to the mother grub. In fact, most of his friends had stepped down as the rulers of their kingdoms. John summoned a gust of wind from underneath him to propel him higher into the air as he began to fly above a seemingly endless sea of hives, searching for the one belonging to Kanaya and Rose.

As he inspected the passing buildings below, John did not notice the growing speck of red in front of him until it was about an inch from his face.

JOHN: aaauuggh!!!!!!!!
???: shit

John and the object he crashed into quickly plummeted onto the soft grass of the lawnring below him. After taking a brief moment to readjust himself (and frantically search for his glasses) he looked at what he crashed into.

JOHN: oh, hey dave.
DAVE: sup

John quickly jumped to his feet and offered his hand to Dave, who was still lying prone in the grass. Dave Strider looked almost identically to how John remembered him. A skinny yet athletic build with slightly longer than average hair that sat just above his cool guy Ben Stiller shades. He was dressed in a red button-down shirt and a pair of loose black slacks.

JOHN: sorry about that dave, i got distracted looking for rose and kanaya’s hive.
DAVE: nah dont sweat it i wasnt paying attention either
JOHN: oh lol.
JOHN: i guess karkat couldn't come then? I figured you’d be with him.
DAVE: him and jade both had work
DAVE: crazy that we still have to go to work even though were the literal fucking gods of this universe
DAVE: guess the boondollars were gonna run out eventually.
JOHN: wait, you ran out of boondollars? i thought you had like,
JOHN: an infinite amount of them?
DAVE: yeah but i ran out
DAVE: turns out making movies is a lot more expensive than i thought
DAVE: unfortunately being god doesnt mean you get to produce movies for free
JOHN: oh i almost forgot the 3 of you were working on that.
JOHN: you guys think that working day jobs will be enough to fund it though?
DAVE: dude i think you forgot jade is like a literal scientist
DAVE: the girl figured out how to make plants grow by playing a bass guitar, that shit will get you a high paying position at any science fuckery lab anywhere
DAVE: karkat was able to get some high-ranking police chief job too
DAVE: guess being super shouty, yet also being a good team leader is something people look for in that field
JOHN: heheh
JOHN: kopkat
DAVE: lol yeah
JOHN: what are you doing then dave?
DAVE: right now music
DAVE: feels weird to make legit and sincere art
DAVE: i was initially hoping to do the extra ironic bullshit alternate universe me did to make a billion dollars but i dont think that would work in this political climate
DAVE: unfortunately i dont have any dictators my art could serve as subtle jabs towards
DAVE: unless jane gets any bright ideas
JOHN: yeah she doesn’t really seem like the type to do something like that.
JOHN: man, it's been so long since i last saw you, i forgot how much i missed you!

Dave reached out and grabbed John’s hand as he rose to his feet. John pulled him in for a hug. Dave was a lot taller than he remembered, which certainly caught him off guard, and almost resulted in him crashing the two of them into the ground once more.

DAVE: i missed you too egghead
DAVE: its been a minute
DAVE: holy shit your hair is long
JOHN: heheh yeah.
DAVE: you might eventually give jade a run for her money at this rate
DAVE: but seriously
DAVE: how are you john?
JOHN: i’ve been…

John was ready to answer with his preloaded “i’m fine” response but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to let the words loose from his lips. Should he tell Dave right then and there? The urge to vomit out a detailed description of everything that had been bugging him for God-knows-how-long was almost undeniable. He didn’t even know what was wrong, but he felt ready to try and let out all of the words anyways.

DAVE: john?
JOHN: huh? oh, yeah, im fine.
DAVE: are you sure about that
DAVE: waiting a weirdly long time to say that youre fine is usually a sign you arent fine
JOHN: sorry i just got lost in thought for a sec.
JOHN: im fine, i promise.
DAVE: alrighty then

And just like that, John had defeated the urge. But was that truly for better or for worse? A part of him truly wanted to let him know how he was feeling. But an even bigger part of him didn’t want to burden his friend with his problems. That seemed like decent enough rationale for him.

DAVE: so
DAVE: do you know where their hive is
JOHN: no clue. it’s been so long since i’ve been out here.
ROSE: Are you implying that our hive that is almost completely identical to the ones surrounding it doesn’t stick out in your memory?

Dave and John both quickly whipped their heads around and saw a human standing in the door frame of the hive they crashed in front of. It was Rose Lalonde, dressed in a white blouse and a floor length orange skirt. Just like Dave, she looked just as John remembered. He quickly turned around and ran up the steps to the door with Dave just behind. Seeing both Rose and Dave again almost made John entirely forget his anxieties from before.

JOHN: rose! its so good to see you again!!!!!!!!
JOHN: also sorry about making a mess of your lawn ring.
ROSE: Hello John, you seem much more chipper than you did earlier today over Pesterchum.
ROSE: Also, don’t worry about the grass, the landscapers were due to visit soon anyways.
JOHN: damn, i guess having one of the most important jobs on the planet pays pretty well then.
DAVE: hey sis
ROSE: Hello dear brother.
ROSE: John, this is my brother Dave, I do hope the two of you got a chance to get acquainted.
JOHN: haha yep, sure did.
DAVE: yeah we just had a pretty extreme kiss at about 40 miles per hour
ROSE: Yes, I saw.
ROSE: Well regardless, come on in you two, Kanaya is putting the finishing touches on the appetizer plate as we speak.
DAVE: please tell me she went easy on the grub sauce this time
ROSE: I informed her of your requests, worry not.

John and Dave followed Rose inside. Despite the drab and bland exterior of the hive, the inside was nothing short of luxurious. John figured that Kanaya’s skill as a fashion designer must have also impacted her interior decorating skills. Gorgeous curtains of a variety of colors covered every window, and the floor was coated with jet black hardwood flooring. The three rounded the corner and entered the meal block. A troll dressed in a bright red dress with a green sash and apron turned to them as they entered. A smile appeared on Kanaya Maryam's face.

KANAYA: Oh You have Arrived
KANAYA: I Do Hope You Both Found Your Way Here Easily Enough
KANAYA: I Also Appreciate That The Current Penultimate Master Of Pranks Has Not Given My Brother In Law Any Trouble 
KANAYA: Although From What I Have Heard Much Of The Trouble And Prodding Comes From My Darling Wife 
KANAYA: That Is To Say If You Still Are Pranking People 
KANAYA: We Have Not Caught Up As Of Late
KANAYA: Is That Still Your Thing 
JOHN: haha, you haven’t changed a bit kanaya.
JOHN: ill admit it has been a while since i last pulled a jape against someone.
JOHN: im still waiting for the perrrrrrrfect opportunity ;)
KANAYA: If I Was Tasteless Enough To Be Wearing Shoes Inside I Would Be Trembling In My Boots
KANAYA: Speaking Of Please Go Take Off Your Shoes
JOHN: oops sorry
DAVE: sorry

The two visitors quickly scampered back to the entry hall and removed their footwear before quickly making their way back.

DAVE: so
DAVE: when do we get to start eating

Kanaya quickly turned and grabbed a platter from behind her.

KANAYA: Right Now

Kanaya gestured toward the living room (John wasn’t sure what the fancy troll name for a living room was) and the four of them all sat down with the appetizers. The four began to catch up on each other's lives. Dave gave more insight on the movie he was working on with Jade and Karkat, as well as their funding issues. Rose and Kanaya talked about their work in the brooding caverns, as well as Kanaya’s side gig as a fashion designer. And John…John really didn’t have anything to say about what he had been up to. He hadn’t really been up to anything more than just sitting at his computer or lying in bed most days. The last time he had left the house for any other reason outside of getting groceries, doing other errands was to assist Rose and Kanaya with a particularly large brood of grubs being born. He really couldn’t bring himself to leave most days. None of this he said out loud, as he was able to sidestep talking about himself too much.

Eventually the oven timer began to ding, and Kanaya excused herself to remove their dinner from the oven. Rose followed suit to set the table. Soon the four were all seated and began to eat. John wasn’t really sure what their dinner was exactly. Some sort of Alternian meat (or at least a close replica of it.) It tasted like chicken to John. 

About halfway through the meal John heard Dave’s phone ring. Dave picked up the phone and answered it. Despite not being on speaker phone, John was able to decode the loud voice shouting on the other end rather easily.

KARKAT: DAVE I NEED A RIDE HOME.
KARKAT: I DON’T GET MY POLICE CAR YET.
KARKAT: CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
KARKAT: LIKE I’M THEIR BOSS NOW, AND I DON’T GET ONE OF THEIR CARS.
DAVE: damn that sucks
DAVE: why dont you just fly back
KARKAT: FUCK YOU.
KARKAT: JUST BECAUSE WE’RE MATESPRITS DOESN’T MEAN YOU GET TO MAKE FUN OF ME FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO FLY.
DAVE: haha youre adorable when youre mad you know that
DAVE: which is most of the time i guess
DAVE: ill be over there in a sec 
DAVE: love you 
KARKAT: …

Just barely John was able to hear a soft voice say “I love you.” through the phone. A voice sounding much more tender and sweet than the Karkat Vantas John knew.

DAVE: welp sorry to dine and dash but my boyfriend needs a lift
DAVE: i mean that literally by the way
DAVE: rest assured that i will be carrying him through the streets of this city
DAVE: it will be extremely embarrassing for him
JOHN: it was really good seeing you dave! have a nice flight out
JOHN: try not to run into anything this time heheh.
KANAYA: Yes Dave Thank You Very Much For Coming
KANAYA: Your Brand Of Witty Remarks Are Much Different Than Your Sisters
KANAYA: I Appreciate The Change of Pace
ROSE: What, are you tired of me already?
KANAYA: I Could Never Tire Of You My Darling

The two leaned towards each other and planted a kiss on each other’s lips as Dave got up to leave.

JOHN: bleeeegch, get a room you two
DAVE: whats wrong john
DAVE: are you grossed out by two ladies kissing
DAVE: you homophobic or something john
JOHN: i, what? no!!!!!!!!
KANAYA: I Am Shaking My Head Right Now John
ROSE: I can’t believe how bigoted you are.
ROSE: My worldview has been flipped on its gay little head.
JOHN: shut uuuuuuuup! i’m not a homophobe!!!!!!!!

John couldn’t explain why but being called that got under his skin for some reason. Even though he knew his friends were just pulling his leg, he could not help but be angry about the accusation.

DAVE: jeez dude we were just messing with you
DAVE: alright, for real this time, gotta go
ROSE: Here let me walk you to the door; I have to go pick up dessert from the bakery anyway.
DAVE: fuck im missing dessert?

Dave and Rose both got up and left, leaving Kanaya and John alone in the dining room. After a brief minute of silence, Kanaya began to speak.

KANAYA: You Have Not Talked About Yourself Much Tonight John
KANAYA: How Have You Been
JOHN: uhh...
KANAYA: I Mean That Question Very Broadly
KANAYA: Rose Has Told Me That You Have Been Acting A Bit Off Recently
JOHN: uhhhhhhhh...
KANAYA: Are You Ok John
KANAYA: I Know That We Are Not As Acquainted As Well As Some Of The Other Members Of Our Friend Group
KANAYA: But I Sincerely Want You To Know You Can Talk To Me If You Need Someone To Speak To
JOHN: i
JOHN: uhh
JOHN: *sigh*
JOHN: okay.

And in that moment. John began to crack. He couldn’t explain why he suddenly felt like now would be a good time to break his vow of silence regarding his personal feelings. Perhaps it was the awkward silence that beckoned John to answer the question. Perhaps it was due to the request coming from someone he was not as close to compared to Rose and Dave. The final straw upon the camel’s back had been cast. With a simple invitation from a friend, John began to unravel.

Chapter Text

A jade-blooded troll sits in her meal block. It just so happens that today, on the evening of March 31st of an indeterminate year, she is witnessing a friend finally vent their frustrations about their self hatred. Frustrations that have been bottled up for far too long.

Kanaya: Listen to John.

JOHN: i…
JOHN: haven’t been doing well.
JOHN: i’ve been too bummed out to leave my house, and…
JOHN: …
JOHN: i really don’t like myself kanaya.
JOHN: i don’t like what’s on the outside or the inside.
JOHN: and i keep trying to think about what kind of person i would have to be in order to like myself, but i don’t know who or what that person is.
JOHN: i feel trapped.
JOHN: i feel like i’ll never be able to stop hating myself.

The final sentence made John begin to cry quietly as he hung his head in sadness. The amount of time those words had been hammering against the floodgates of his mind caused him to forget how much he truly could not stand himself.

JOHN: i hate myself kanaya!
JOHN: i have nothing about myself that i like!
JOHN: there’s nothing *to* like!
KANAYA: John That Is Nonsense
KANAYA: I Like You John
KANAYA: All Of Us Do
KANAYA You Are Incredibly Funny
KANAYA: You Are Incredibly Kind
KANAYA: I Do Not Think We All Would Have Been Able To Make It Through All Of Our Trials If It Was Not For You
JOHN: i don’t know if that person even was “me”.
JOHN: i’m starting to lose my ability to put on a happy face and be the goofy, silly friend you guys know me as.
JOHN: i’m starting to realize i’ve almost always felt like this.
JOHN: even before we started playing sburb.
JOHN: and my ability to ignore it and cover it up with a happy smile is gone.
JOHN: i can barely even leave my house most days.
JOHN: i wake up every morning, and even if it doesn't start immediately, i just have this feeling of complete disgust for the rest of the day. i hate my body, and i hate my mind.
JOHN: i can barely even leave the house for errands because of this awful mixture of shame and apathy, because i can't even bring myself to fix anything about me!
JOHN: because i feel like anything i could ever do would be worthless in the face of how awful i am!
KANAYA: How Long Ago Do You Think These Feelings Started
JOHN: i can’t remember.
JOHN: maybe since i was like,
JOHN: 11 or 12 years old maybe?
KANAYA: I Am So Sorry John
KANAYA: That Is An Incredibly Long Time To Bottle Up Feelings Like These

John sniffled and wiped his nose on a napkin.

JOHN: i’m sorry kanaya, i shouldn’t have dumped all of this crap about myself on you.
JOHN: you don’t think less of me for this do you?
KANAYA: Of Course Not John
KANAYA: While I Cannot Say I Struggle With The Same Issues As You
KANAYA: We All Have Our Own Personal Problems To Deal With
KANAYA: I Am Sure This Does Not Surprise You But Mental Health Was Not Taken All That Seriously On Alternia
KANAYA: I Met Many Trolls In My Life Who I Wish Got Better Help For Their Mental Anguish
KANAYA: You Are A Dear Friend To Me John And I Want To Help You
KANAYA: So
KANAYA: How Can I Help
JOHN: *sniff* thank you kanaya.
JOHN: i wish i could answer that question better but i really don’t know how to even start thinking about fixing myself.
KANAYA: Well You Said You Cannot Envision A Version Of Yourself Which You Would Be Content With
KANAYA: And You Are Ill Content With The Way You Are Now
JOHN: yeah.
KANAYA: Perhaps You Are Not Thinking Broadly Enough
KANAYA: What Do You Think Of When You Try To Picture A Version Of Yourself You Would Be Happy With
JOHN: well, i guess i try to picture myself with traits of other people i know?
KANAYA: Such As Who
JOHN: when we first got here
JOHN: to earth c i mean,
JOHN: i tried to act more like my dad.
JOHN: i tried dressing like him too.
JOHN: but i feel like that just made me unhappier.
JOHN: i thought that trying to be like the man i looked up to so much as a kid would help, but it didn’t.
JOHN: so i tried thinking about incorporating aspects of other people into myself.
JOHN: characters from my favorite movies, some of the new people i’ve met here.
JOHN: hell even some of our friends, like dave or jake.
JOHN: and when trying to be like other people didn’t work, i thought maybe i should try being myself.
JOHN: but then i realized i don’t think i even know who *i* am.
JOHN: and any attempts i made to visualize “myself” in my head just resulted in me hating whatever i thought up.
JOHN: it really feels like there’s no possible version of myself that i could possibly like, all of that “just be yourself” crap i was told growing up was useless.
JOHN: a part of me really considered using my retcon powers again.
JOHN: maybe if i just zapped around long enough i could create a version of me that i liked?
JOHN: but then i realized that messing with that could also cause even more problems.
JOHN: i really feel like i have no way out of this.

Kanaya paused before replying. To John, she looked like she was in incredibly deep thought. She looked almost nervous to say anything else.

KANAYA: I Still Think That Perhaps You Are Not Thinking Broadly Enough
KANAYA: Are You Sure There Is Not Anyone Else We Are Friends With That You Try To Emulate At All
JOHN: i don’t think so?
JOHN: do you think i’m emulating one of our friends unconsciously?
JOHN: i think living with rose is starting to rub off on you.
KANAYA: John I Am

Kanaya paused again. Once again, she seemed nervous to finish her thought. She sighed heavily and continued.

KANAYA: I Am Talking About Vriska
JOHN: wooooooooah what?
JOHN: what gives you that impression?
KANAYA: There Are
KANAYA: A Few Things That Do
JOHN: i…
JOHN: am i acting like vriska?
KANAYA: I Would Not Go As Far To Say That You Act Like Her
KANAYA: In Fact I Do Not Think It Is Possible For Anyone To Fully Emulate The Exact Level Of Peculiarity That Girl Exhibited
KANAYA: But There Are many Slight Aspects I Have Noticed In You That Remind Me Of Her
JOHN: i remind you of vriska…

For some reason, this phrase made John’s stomach jump. The idea that he could remind someone of Vriska made him feel almost happy in a strange and nebulous way he didn't think he had ever felt before.

KANAYA: Let Me Ask You This John
KANAYA: Is There Anything About Vriska That You Admire At All
JOHN: gosh i…
JOHN: i mean i guess i respect how confident she is?
JOHN: even though she really isn’t the best person.
JOHN: i wish i could have even a fraction of the self-confidence she has.
JOHN: i wish i could like myself like she does.
KANAYA: Why Do You Think Vriska Feels So Confident About Herself John
JOHN: i mean i understand why.
JOHN: like i know she did a lot of bad things but she still seemed like a cool person.
JOHN: it's like she always has an aura around her that says "look! i'm the coolest person in the room!"
JOHN: and that made her actually seem cool.
JOHN: i wish i enjoyed being me as much as she enjoys being...
JOHN: her...
JOHN: uhh i mean,
JOHN: who wouldn’t want to be as cool as her?
JOHN: of course i want to be like…
JOHN: her…
JOHN: oh…
KANAYA: John If You Wish You May Choose To Not Answer This Question
KANAYA: Because I Know It May Be Hard To Answer
KANAYA: John
KANAYA: Have You Considered The Possibility That You Want To Be Female

John began to process what Kanaya just said to him. Is that why he couldn’t think of any conceivable way he could like himself? Because he never considered he wanted to be like Vriska? Because he wanted to be a girl? Is that something he could even be?

JOHN: i...
JOHN: i don’t know.
JOHN: i never even considered that until now.
JOHN: is that something that i even could be?
KANAYA: I Do Not See Why Not
KANAYA: A While Ago Rose Told Me About A Human Term I Had Not Heard Before
KANAYA: Transgender I Think It Was
KANAYA: It Refers To People Who Change The Gender That They Identify With
KANAYA: Apparently There Were Many People On Your Earth Like This
KANAYA: But Judging By Your Reaction I Am Guessing This Is The First You Have Heard Of It
JOHN: i think i’ve heard the word before? but i know pretty much nothing about it.
JOHN: i think i remember reading about it on the internet years ago, and maybe hearing about it on the news too, but i really didn’t think much of it.
JOHN: but do you really think i could be one of those people kanaya?
KANAYA: I Think The Only Person Qualified To Answer That Question Is You John
JOHN: i mean maybe?
JOHN: the idea of being a girl doesn’t sound *un*appealing i guess?
KANAYA: I Have An Idea
JOHN: hm?
KANAYA: You Said You Could Not Imagine A Version Of Yourself Which You Liked
KANAYA: Did You Ever Try To Imagine Yourself As Female
JOHN: i guess not, no.
KANAYA: How About You Try Doing That Right Now
KANAYA: If It Is Not Too Difficult
JOHN: okay.

John closed his eyes and began to imagine. He pictured the reflection of himself he saw in the mirror earlier, and then began to let the image in his memory begin to warp. The exact details of what he imagined were so subtle in some ways, but incredibly obvious in others. The full extent of what John envisioned caused a new platonic ideal to form in his head, a concept that cannot possibly be put to paper. John knew that he would be thinking about this form for a long time. The image was now ingrained in his head, yet whenever he tried to picture it, the image would warp and glitch, preventing him from giving it any sort of description aside from “female.”

KANAYA: John
KANAYA: Are You Still Imagining

John was quickly forced back to reality. Tears were streaming down his cheeks again, but this time, these tears were not ones of despair.

JOHN: kanaya,
KANAYA: Yes John
JOHN: i want to be a girl.
JOHN: like really bad.

Kanaya’s expression softened. John’s began to as well. he- no,

She wiped the tears from her eyes and began to laugh.

KANAYA: Why Are You Laughing
JOHN: because you helped me figure it out!
JOHN: i know who i want to be now!
JOHN: i know how i can be happy again!
JOHN: and you helped me realize that kanaya!
JOHN: hahaha!

Kanaya looked at John confused for a moment. But even she could not stop herself from also letting out a soft laugh. John got up and walked around the table and enveloped Kanaya in a giant hug. This off put her for a brief moment, but she quickly found herself standing up and hugging John back.

KANAYA: I Personally Do Not Understand How Any Of This Works But
KANAYA: I Am More Than Glad That I was Able To Help You
JOHN: i mean i don’t really know how any of this works either but i’m choosing not to think about that right now.
JOHN: i don’t really know how i can “be a girl” exactly, but at least i know it’s what i want now!
JOHN: oh right, i have to ask.
JOHN: how did you realize i was trying to be like vriska?
JOHN: because i didn’t realize it either honestly!
KANAYA: I Do Not Know If You Are Aware Of This But I Had Flushed Feelings For Miss Serket Before We Began Our Game of Sgrub
KANAYA: So I Guess I Am Still Able To Point Things Out That Remind Me Of Her
JOHN: but what specifically about me reminded you of her?
JOHN: oh wait oh jeez.
KANAYA: What Is It
JOHN: what i said just now,
JOHN: the idea that i could remind someone of vriska.
JOHN: the idea that i could remind someone of *a girl*
JOHN: made me feel really happy i guess?
KANAYA: Well I Guess That Is Further Proof To Confirm My Assumption
KANAYA: But To Answer Your Question It Mostly Has To Do With How You Speak Sometimes
KANAYA: The Way You Ocaaaaaaaasionally Drag Out Some Words
KANAYA: And Other Things Similar To That
KANAYA: Also The Way You Dress
KANAYA: Your Outfit This Evening Is Strikingly Similar To The One She Wore While Not In Her God Tier Garb
KANAYA: Which If I Am Correct Is The Outfit You Saw Her Wearing The Most
KANAYA: If I Had To Describe It
KANAYA: It Is Like Someone Who Only Ever Saw Her Outwardly Cool Side But Also Was Not Fully Aware Of How To Channel Said Coolness
JOHN: wow, i guess you’re right!
JOHN: i can’t believe i didn’t even notice i was trying to be like her.

At this point, John’s tears had dried completely.

JOHN: i’m really lucky i got a chance to talk to you about this kanaya.
JOHN: if you hadn’t mentioned the thing about vriska, or about the idea of being “transgender” i don’t think i could’ve ever figured this out!
KANAYA: I Am Happy To Have Helped John
KANAYA: I Actually Heard About The Word From Rose Around The Time I Began To Notice Your Similarities to Vriska
KANAYA: From There I Found Myself Researching The Topic Online
KANAYA: And The Testimonials I Found From Others Reminded Me Of You A Lot
KANAYA: Also I Realize That This May Be A Sensitive Topic For You So I Must Ask
KANAYA: Are You Ok With Me Talking To Anyone Else About This
KANAYA: More Specifically Rose

John felt her excitement drain a bit. She felt the same feeling that prevented her from talking to Rose and Dave in the first place. Why was it so hard for her to talk about her issues with the two of them?

JOHN: please don’t tell anyone about this.
JOHN: not yet anyway.
KANAYA: You Do Not Have To Tell Me Twice
KANAYA: Rose Should Be Back With The Dessert Soon
KANAYA: Would You Like To Retire This Discussion Until Further Notice For Now Jo-
KANAYA: I Keep Thinking To Call You John
KANAYA: Do You Plan On Changing Your Name
KANAYA: I Am Under The Impression That John Is A Name Reserved For Male Humans
JOHN: oh gosh, i didn’t even think about that.
JOHN: i guess i don’t mind if you keep calling me john for now, i’ll let you know if i think of something though.
JOHN: and yeah, i wouldn’t mind ending this for now, in case rose gets back early. if you don’t mind, i’ll message you on pesterchum about it later.
KANAYA: Very Well
KANAYA: Now Will You Make Yourself Useful And Help Me Clear The Table

John laughed at Kanaya's blunt sarcastic remark and helped remove their plates from the table. Eventually Rose returned with a sweet-grub pie (which tastes better than it sounds) and the three enjoyed their dessert. This time however, John was much more talkative as the night and the discussion progressed. The three joked and laughed, and John was able to open up slightly to Rose about her inability to leave her house (not mentioning anything about Vriska, or her gender.) Eventually the evening had grown late, and John realized she would have to leave soon in order to be able to properly see while on the long flight back to the Human Kingdom. Rose and Kanaya walked John to the door.

ROSE: Thank you for coming out tonight John, it was lovely to see you again.
ROSE: I’m glad we were able to help you get out of the house for a bit.
ROSE: You seem to be in a much better mood than you were this morning.
JOHN: i guess i am haha.
JOHN: thanks for having me over you two, this was really fun!
ROSE: Bye John!
KANAYA: Have a Safe Flight Home

Invoking her God Tier powers with a spring in her step, John rose into the sky with a light breeze and began to fly through the dark skies, guided by the light coming from the hives below. She looked back once again and saw Rose and Kanaya waving at her as she flew away. Maybe it was just her imagination, but she had never seen a bigger smile on Kanaya’s face before. John returned to directing herself home.

It was 10:30 pm when she finally lowered herself to the ground in front of the door of her hiv- i mean house. She entered, immediately kicking off her shoes and walking upstairs to her bedroom. She tossed her jacket to the side and aimlessly let her jeans drop to the floor before once again flopping into bed, exhausted. She rolled onto her side and began to think about the evening's events. Her mind wandered to the new ideal self she had envisioned and began to smile. She realized she would need to come up with a name for this new person. No, this person isn’t new, she was there the whole time. She just didn’t know it yet. She continued to inspect her new ideal form in her mind’s eye. The more she did, the more she realized something.

JOHN: fuck i really do wanna be like vriska.

Even though she was unable to fully describe the person she was envisioning, the presence of a similar aura to that of Vriska's was undeniable. John thought back to all of her interactions with the troll, and the more she thought, the more she was confused by her own thoughts. Vriska Serket wasn’t a great person, and John knew that. So why did she want to be like her so much? Yeah she was cool, but John knew plenty of other cool people too, so why her specifically? She was exhausted, she would ponder that question tomorrow. One final interaction between her and Vriska entered John’s head.

– arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]
AG: Joooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooo
AG: oooooooohn!
AG: W8ke up!!!!!!!!
EB: heheh. i am pronouncing that like a really long "june".

June. The name echoed in John’s head for several minutes before she finally rolled onto her back and pulled out her phone.

– ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 23:06
GT: hey kanaya.
GT: shoot, i don’t know if you and rose are still awake or not.
GT: ah whatever, i’ll just send you this now anyways.
GT: i have a name i wouldn’t mind being called.
GT: it’s june.
– ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 23:08

June Egbert switched off her phone and placed it on her nightstand. She pulled the sheets over herself and closed her eyes, having the best night of sleep she had experienced in a long time.

Chapter Text

“Beep beep beep.”

“Beep beep beep.”

June shifted in her sheets and groaned quietly.

“Beep beep beep.”

“Beep beep beep.”

Wait, she didn’t remember setting an alarm. What time was it anyway?

June sat up in bed and opened her window to see what was going on outside. In the distance she could see a number of red and white trucks and pieces of construction equipment occupying a large rectangle of land. June recognized the logo on the sides of them.

JUNE: looks like jane is building another factory.

June sighed and realized she would have to send Ms. Crocker a harshly worded complaint about all of this noise. She was sleeping like a brick before, she couldn’t even begin to imagine how annoyed her other neighbors must be at this time in the morning. Judging by the color of the sky, June guessed it was a few minutes before sunrise. Normally she would hate waking up this early, but this morning felt different somehow.

“She” felt different. She was still thinking about herself as a girl. She was still calling herself June in her head. She smiled and looked out the window once more. Not too far from her house she could see a tall hill that overlooked much of the small suburban neighborhood she lived in. It would be a great place to sit and watch the sunrise. Somewhere peaceful. Somewhere she could feel the breeze without any concern. In a flash, she materialized her god tier outfit onto her body and teleported to the other side of the wall using the breeze to slip out of her window and into the sky. She took her time flying out to the hill, gazing down at the houses below her.

June lowered herself to the ground as she hovered above the top of the hill. She had made it just in time. She watched as the sun slowly began to rise in the distance. Despire being the first day of April, it was a rather warm morning, closer to what she would expect during the summer. The warm rising sun was complimented perfectly by the breeze fluttering through her hair. It was a perfect morning. She couldn’t help but smile like an idiot again. Everything felt so much clearer to her now. Even though she wasn’t fully clear on what she would do next, she was glad that she was at least pointed in the right direction. She found herself staring into the distance for what must’ve been an entire hour before she realized she probably should get back to her house. She had left her phone on her nightstand and was curious if Kanaya had responded to her message. The more she thought about that possibility, the more she wanted to return home to see what the response was. With a massive gust, she launched herself back towards her house and flew through the window once again, dematerializing her god tier outfit. She turned on her phone and checked her pesterchum messages with Kanaya.

-– ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 23:06
GT: hey kanaya.
GT: shoot, i don’t know if you and rose are still awake or not.
GT: ah whatever, i’ll just send you this now anyways.
GT: i have a name i wouldn’t mind being called.
GT: it’s june.
– ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 23:08
– grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 06:00
GA: Ok June
– grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 06:01

JUNE: oh.

For whatever reason, June had found herself expecting to hear back more. She figured it was more likely that Kanaya was waiting for her to mainly lead the discussion. That was fine with her. Besides, June wasn't gonna let something as silly as that ruin her day. She moved her fingers to type a new message to Kanaya but before she could, she felt a rumble in her stomach. She realized she should probably eat first.

June walked downstairs to her kitchen. It had been ages since she last woke up this early, and as such, she had not partaken in breakfast in a long time either. She searched through her cabinets to see if she had anything suitable for breakfast. Unfortunately there was nothing she could find in her pantry or refrigerator that appealed to her. She took this as a sign to go outside once more, and perhaps hit up a local coffee shop or bakery. It had been many months since she last went out to eat, all she had eaten in the past year or so was either delivered to her, or frozen meals purchased from the grocery store. Now however, June felt ready to go anywhere. She was tired of hiding away completely. Sure, she wasn’t ready to publicly come out of the closet yet, but she felt she was already making good strides as is. She returned to her room and replaced her shirt with a plain navy blue one and put on a new pair of jeans. Through the same window, she became one with the breeze, and left her apartment in search of a suitable place to eat breakfast. After a couple of minutes of flight she settled on a small cafe nestled by the sidewalk of a busy street, descending to the sidewalk in front of the door. By the look of it, the place had just opened for the day. June opened the door and entered, only to be greeted by a sight she did not expect in the slightest. Standing in front of the counter was Jane Crocker dressed for the workday, seemingly paying for a coffee she held in her hand. The two of them were the only customers in the shop.

JUNE: hey, jane!

Jane jumped in her skin as she turned around in response to her name being called, but her expression quickly softened as she saw the face of the person who called out to her.

JANE: John, is that really you?!

June froze for a moment, caught off guard by Jane’s usage of the name John. She almost began to feel upset about the situation before she realized Jane was running towards her for a hug.

JANE: It’s so good to see you again, I’ve barely heard from you in over a year!
JANE: I was worried about you!
JANE: Hell, all of us were!

June quickly shook off the offended feeling she felt. It’s not like Jane knew about her recent life changing discovery. She was sure if she told her about it, she would be more than willing to call her by her new name.

JUNE: i missed you too jane!

But for whatever reason, June could not bring herself to tell Jane about her revelation.

Before she knew it, Jane had the two of them sitting at a table as she drank her coffee, and June waited for her order of scrambled eggs and toast.

JANE: So what have you been up to for the past year?
JUNE: i’ve uhh…

Even though June was unable to tell Jane about the events of last night, she still tried to be honest with Jane about where she had been.

JUNE: i actually haven’t been doing much at all actually.
JUNE: i’ve really just been hanging out at home, i haven’t really gotten out much in a while.
JUNE: i did go to rose and kanaya’s last night with dave for dinner though!
JANE: Yeah, I heard that it's been a while since anyone has seen you.
JANE: So, are you okay John? I mean being cooped up in your house for almost an entire year sounds like it wouldn’t really do well for your mental health, or anyone’s for that matter!
JUNE: yeah, you’re right. but the thing is for me at least,
JUNE: i think my mental health already wasn’t in a good place, and that’s why i could barely bring myself to go outside.
JANE: Wow John, that’s horrible.
JANE: I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling this way.
JANE: But hey, to look on the brightside at least, you’re getting yourself outside right now, right?
JUNE: yeah! i’m gonna try and go out more often.
JUNE: i don’t want to get into why, but last night…

June took a deep breath before continuing.

JUNE: i suddenly felt like my mind was more clear i guess?
JUNE: like something made me feel more confident, and willing to connect with people again.
JANE: Wow…
JANE: That sounds really incredible John! I’m glad you feel like you’re on the right path again!
JANE: And yeah, I won't make you elaborate on why if you don't want to talk about it.
JANE: Maybe Rose and Kanaya forcing you out made you remember how great hanging out with other people can feel sometimes.
JUNE: heheh maybe.
JUNE: so what have you been up to then Jane?
JANE: Hoo hoo, you know, business as usual.
JANE: As you probably know, last year we decided to branch out into some different markets, including, but not limited to clothing, tech, and health care!
JANE: I don’t know if you knew about this, but I hired Dirk not too long ago to an advisory position, and he has been a huge help in decision making regarding this expansion. As a matter of fact, he’s in charge of overseeing the construction of a new hospital that's starting today!
JANE: Now that I think about it, I believe it’s actually somewhat close to your house!
JUNE: ohhhhhhhh so that’s a hospital.
JANE: Huh?
JUNE: oh, the noise from the trucks woke me up early this morning.
JUNE: which i was going to send you a harshly worded letter about!
JANE: Wait, they started already? ARGH, they weren’t supposed to start work for another hour!
JANE: You’ll have to excuse me John, I’m gonna have to get over there and give Mr. Strider a harsh talking to!
JANE: Bye John!
JUNE: bye jane!

The two waved to each other as Jane left the building and leaped into the air, flying off in the direction June had come from. June pulled out her phone and opened Chittir as she continued to wait for her meal. She didn’t even really like the social media platform all that much, but still found herself wasting hours of her day scrolling through it, looking at what amounted to absolutely nothing of substance. News was fairly slow on Earth C. June and her friends were fortunate enough to have jumped forward to a point in history that was mostly peaceful. Crime still occurred, and sometimes politics were just as infuriating as they were back home, but it was still a place June felt happy she helped create. June put away her phone as her meal was placed in front of her by the waitress. At this point, June remembered how hungry she actually was. In a few short minutes the entire plate of eggs and toast had been entirely demolished. June placed her payment on the table and walked back outside.

Cars were driving down the crowded streets and the sidewalks were slowly becoming more populated. June realized it was a weekday morning and most people were leaving for work. Before June could take off once again, she felt her phone buzz. She pulled it out and saw she had a Pesterchum notification. She realized she should probably get out of people’s way before replying to it though, summoning a gust to quickly leap to the top of the building and sit down.

– golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 08:10
GT: Good morning john! I heard from ms crocker that youve finally gotten yourself out of the house again!

June was surprised to see a message from Jake English. Like all of her other friends, it had been ages since the two had last spoken. She was also surprised to learn that Jane had already started telling people that she was out of the house again. That was fine by her, but the speed at which she was contacted by her friend concerned her. Were they really all that worried? June glanced down at her screen again. Two more notifications graced the corner of her screen. Looks like she would have a lot of catching up to do with people today. For now she returned to her messages with Jake, the other two notifications could wait for later.

GT: hi jake, long time no talk!
GT: Hahaha, its so great to hear the ol trademarked egbert charm once again.
GT: So nice to hear from you again my old chum.
GT: same here jake!
GT: i missed your old "english" charm too.
GT: heheh it feels like i’m talking to someone from the 30s.
GT: Haha, im happy you enjoy my signature way of yammering.
GT: I feel like dirks starting to get tired of it though heheheh.
GT: ohhhhhhhh right, i remember, you two finally decided to move in together a little while ago right?
GT: Yep, the two of us are a bona fide couple now.
GT: We dated when we were teenagers but neither of us were all that emotionally sorted yet so things really didnt work all too swimmingly.
GT: But now that the two of us have both had our time to grow we fit together like pb and j now!
GT: Also it was a bit more than a little while ago john.
GT: Closer to a year at this point id say.
GT: oh, right.

June realized that her time in solitude had probably made her lose track of time to some degree or another.

GT: Anyways john i better skedaddle
GT: Multimillion dollar companies dont run themselves y’know!
GT: I just wanted to check in on you now that youre out and about again.
GT: Thanks for the quick chit-chat its great to know youre on your feet once more.
GT: later jake, it was good to hear from you too!
– golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 08:18

As stressed as she was about the sudden influx of people that wanted to hear from her, she was still incredibly excited to speak with them all again. She checked the two other notifications. Both Roxy Lalonde and Jade Harley were trying to get her attention. Despite seeing Roxy as one of her closest friends, June tapped on Jade’s message almost immediately. Jade was the person she found herself missing the most out of all of the people she failed to keep in contact with. Jade was not only her paradox sister, but also her oldest friend.

–gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 08:11
GG: john! jane told me youre finally getting outside again!
GG: i missed hearing from you, please reply back when you can! :D

Like with Jane, not reading the name June caught her off guard a bit. Even though this was the first day of her whole life using it, she felt like the name had been a part of her forever. She just tried to keep in mind that her friends had no way of knowing and had no intention of upsetting her.

GT: jade! it’s so good to hear from you!
GG: oh my gosh im gonna start crying.
GG: i missed you so much john!
GG: im so glad youre feeling better.
GG: when i heard a few months back from rose that it was almost impossible to get you out of the house i was really scared something was wrong!
GG: i shouldve tried to contact you more john im so sorry.
GG: even though theyre both in relationships, dave and rose are always looking out for each other.
GG: youre my brother and i shouldve tried to help you out of your funk.
GG: im so sorry john :(

June began to feel choked up at what she was reading. She had made so many people worried about her. She should’ve been there for the people that she cared about too.

GT: jade im sorry.
GT: i should’ve tried to keep in touch with you
GT: i should’ve tried to keep in touch with everyone!
GT: i’m really sorry jade.
GG: nonono john please don’t be sorry.
GG: i know that youre probably going through stuff and you dont have to tell me about it if you dont want to.
GG: all thats important now is that youre finally out again!
GG: if you want, i could try and help you with what youre going through.
GT: that’s ok jade, i really appreciate your offer though.
GG: okay,
GG: but please know if you ever change your mind you can talk to me about things ok?
GG: you’re my brother john and i love you!
GT: i love you too jade.
GG: ok then!
GG: so, what are you up to right now? jane told me you ran into each other while getting breakfast?
GT: yep, right now i’m sitting on the roof of that restaurant right now going through pesterchum notifications haha.
GG: do you wanna do something later today? like get dinner maybe?

June smiled at the offer. She missed her sister immensely and was incredibly excited to see her again.

GT: that sounds great!
GG: ok! I’ll meet you at your house at 5:00 :D
GG: thanks for responding john, i have to go to work now, but ill make sure i make it to your house on time!
GG: bye john!
GT: see you soon jade!
–gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 08:24

June couldn’t believe how much she had changed in the last 12 hours. Being able to accept an invitation from a friend that quickly was something she hadn’t been able to do in years. Even though she had made no big changes yet, she still felt so much more clear headed. The depressing fog that surrounded her thoughts was not yet completely dissipated, but it was certainly a lot less thick now.

June closed out of her messages with Jade and returned to her notifications, opening her messages with Roxy.

–tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 08:11
TG: john
TG: johhhn
TG: johnnnyyyyyy
TG: jane told me ur goin outside again
TG: thats hella cool all of us missed u a lot
TG: lemme know if u wanna like
TG: hang out or somethin
TG: i miss ur dorky voice
GT: hi roxy!
GT: i already made plans with jade for dinner tonight. would you want to maybe hang out tomorrow?
TG: omg
TG: john
TG: that sounds awesome as fuck
TG: wanna come over tomorrow and play smash bros with me n callie
TG: shes been gettin really fuckin good with captain falcon
TG: ive been teachin her all the tech n stuff
TG: she only sds like half the time when she tries to ledge dash now
GT: wooooooooah i haven’t played smash bros in a while.
GT: i don’t think i even got a chance to play brawl when i was younger.
TG: brawl?
TG: john
TG: sweet innocent john
TG: brawl sucks ass
TG: we’re playing melee
GT: oh! i was pretty good at that game as a kid.
GT: i really liked playing ganondorf lol.
TG: ugh you would play a mid tier wouldnt you

June was unclear if she was being insulted or not.

TG: but yeah the 2 of us are free all day
TG: so just message me whenever u wanna come over
GT: will do! i’m looking forward to it.
TG: hehehehe bye john
–tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 08:29

June sighed and lied down on the (admittedly uncomfortable) roof. She forgot how tiring talking to people could be, especially when she wasn’t as used to it as she once was. She didn’t feel this exhausted after talking to Kanaya last night. Wait...

JUNE: shit, kanaya!

In all the hubbub of catching up with her friends, June had completely forgotten to respond to Kanaya. She quickly boosted off the roof and flew back home. She would rather have such an important conversation with her in a place where she could focus better. She merged with the breeze and flew in through her window once again, sliding into her computer chair with grace. She powered on her computer and opened Persterchum’s desktop client.

–ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 08:43
GT: hey kanaya.
GT: im ready to talk about more about it now.
GA: June I Have Work Today I Am Unable To Talk At The Moment
GT: ohhhhhhhh fuck ok :(
GA: Just Kidding I was Practicing My Human Sarcasm
GA: Have I Improved
GT: oh goddamnit lol
GT: i can't believe i'm getting pranked by you of all people!
GA: It Seems That The Penultimate Prankmistress Has Been Dethroned
GA: Make Sure To Tell Your Grandmother To Be On The Look Out
GA: Anyways
GA: What Would You Like To Talk About

June smiled and looked down at her keyboard. She had no clue how the breeze would guide her in this conversation.

Chapter Text

GA: What Do You Want To Talk About June
GT: jeez i don’t even know.
GT: obviously i wanna know how i can become a girl.
GT: this sounds so complicated!
GA: What Are The Biggest Differences You Notice Between Men and Women June
GT: uhh…
GT: hmm, i guess a lot of things actually?
GT: i guess clothes are a big one?
GA: Alright Keep That In Mind Then
GA: Perhaps We Can Try To Create A List Of Things You Want To Change
GT: ok!

June opened a notepad document on her other monitor and typed in “clothes”. She could tell that even though Kanaya wasn’t leading the conversation, she was prepared for a number of questions June might ask her.

GA: I Was Hoping You Would Bring That Topic Up Actually
GA: If You Would Like I Could Help Make Some Things For You
GA: I Would Not Want A Dear Friend of Mine Making Purchases From Somewhere Tacky Like Grubmart.

The offer made June’s heart flutter. June pictured the platonic ideal of herself that she visualized in her head the night prior. June imagined the clothes she was wearing; a quantum state of cute, cool, and cozy styles.

GT: that would be great kanaya! that’s so nice of you to offer!
GA: It Would Absolutely Be My Pleasure June
GA: Plus I Could Assist In Working Around The Proportions Of Your Body
GT: oh right that…
GT: fuck i didn’t even think about that :(
GA: Oh Dear
GA: I Am Sorry June I Did Not Mean To Bring That Up To Upset You
GT: no its ok.
GT: i guess it’s something i would have to deal with eventually.

June thought about the shape and structure of her body. Fortunately, she wasn’t all that tall, or all that wide, but that’s about where the positives ended. June once again pictured her platonic ideal and all it had that she lacked. Wider hips, a softer face. Slender arms and smaller hands. Smaller feet and a full chest. She started to feel panicked. The gravity of the situation she was in was finally starting to catch up to her.

GT: fuck, it sucks though :(
GT: am i gonna have to just look like a man forever?
GA: From What I Understand Not Necessarily
GA: However This Is A Subject I Did Not Read Much About
GA: There Is A Pill You Can Take That Can Make Your Body Change To Some Degree Or Another
GA: By Making Your Brain Produce Hormones Of The Opposite Sex
GA: It Is Not A Perfect Solution
GA: But It Is Able To Modify The Way Your Form Is Structured At Least Somewhat
GT: wow i didn’t even know that was possible!
GT: shame it doesn’t work perfectly though.
GT: but i suppose it’s better than nothing!
GA: It Is Not A Miracle Cure But Most Who Take It Do Report Being Happier After Taking It
GA: You Are Essentially Rewriting Your Brain To Chemically Be Female
GT: is that really how it works?
GT: that’s incredi8le!
GT: that sounds amazing!!!!!!!!
GA: June Did You Really Just Do That
GT: do what?
GA: Nevermind
GA: I Searched The Topic Up Again
GA: The Regimen Is Called Hormone Replacement Therapy
GT: ok, i’ll write that down then.
GT: what else should i put on the list?
GA: Not To Be Rude But
GA: When You Came Over Last Night Your Hair Was An Absolute Mess
GA: Even If You Were Not Transgender I Would Still Recommend You Do Something About It
GT: i haven’t been to a hair salon in uhh…
GT: over a year i think.
GT: i was too afraid to have it cut :(
GA: June Are You Aware That You Do Not Have To Visit A Professional To Simply Brush Your Hair
GA: I Understand Though
GA: It Can Be Difficult To Take Care Of Ones Personal Grooming While In Such A Depressive State
GA: When You Decide To Go Do Something About It I Will Go With You
GA: If You Wish
GT: that would be nice, thanks!

June wrote “hair” onto the list.

GT: oh i suppose i should see if there’s a way to do something about my voice, huh.
GA: Good Thinking
GA: Personally I think Your Voice Has A Rather
GA: Dorky Tone That I Personally Like Quite A Bit
GT: huh? you really think so?
GA: Yes I Think It Sounds Rather Adorable Actually
GA: And Believe Me When I Say I Am Not The Only One Of Your Friends That Thinks This

June began to blush and typed in “voice(?)” In the document.

GA: If You Would Like Though There Are Apparently Exercises You Can Do To Practice Changing The Pitch And Such Of Your Voice
GA: From What I Can Tell It Does Not Seem Like An Easy Task But Still Possible I Suppose
GT: hmm, ok.
GA: Oh I Cannot Believe I Forgot To Mention This Earlier
GA: In Addition To Clothing I Can Also Teach You How To Apply Makeup If You Wish
GA: June Are You Still There

June found herself becoming distracted from the conversation. The discrepancies between June’s actual body and her ideal self began to enter her mind’s eye again. Would she really be able to fix all of this eventually? What difference would clothes, hair and makeup make when she didn't have a female body? This felt like an entirely hopeless endeavor to her.

GT: sorry i got distracted for a second, i was just thinking.
GT: i feel like there’s so much we haven’t covered yet.
GT: but at the same time i also can’t think of anything else that i can change!
GT: i’m starting to feel like what i want to do is impossible, even with that hormone replacement thing.
GT: like i feel like there’s so much i need to worry about!
GT: i keep picturing what you told me to imagine last night, and the more i think about her, the more i realize that there’s so much about me that’s completely different from her.
GT: i don’t think i’ll be able to be like her kanaya.
GT: i feel like i should just give up on this now before i disappoint myself.

John looked out of his open window and thought of all he did this morning. Was it all just a fluke? Was he just lying to himself? The ideal self he envisioned the previous evening began to flicker out of his mind. His eyes darted back to his monitor as he saw a sudden influx of messages from Kanaya.

GA: That Is Utter Nonsense June
GA: You Were The Happiest I Have Ever Seen You Last Night
GA: I Am Trying To Help You Find Ways To Continue To Be Happy
GA: You Cannot Give Up Now
GA: You Have Barely Even Begun
GA: I Cannot Promise You That You Will Be Able To Fix Absolutely Everything You Do Not Like
GA: But What Other Option Do You Have
GA: I Know You Just Talked About Being Unable To Tell If The Version Of Yourself That Played Sburb Is Really You
GA: But If You Are Giving Up Now Then You Are Not the John Or June Egbert I Knew

June quickly snapped back into reality (not literally, even though that is a power that she did in fact possess technically.) What the hell was she thinking?

GT: fuck you’re right!
GT: i’m sorry kanaya, idk what came over me just now.
GA: I Am Glad I Could Force You Into Snapping Out Of It
GA: Apologies If I Was Too Mean About It
GT: nah, i needed that honestly.
GT: feel free to do it again if i ever start acting like that again.
GA: Duly Noted
GT: i was being serious though when i said i don’t know what else to add here.
GT: this really does feel impossible.
GA: I Wish I Could Understand Your Situation Better
GA: Like I Said My Understanding Is Merely Surface Level
GA: However There Is One Thing I Neglected To Previously Inform You Of
GT: hmm?
GA: It Is Possible You May Be Suffering From A Condition Called Gender Dysphoria
GT: what does that mean?
GA: Essentially Your Brain Thinks That Your Body Is Supposed To Be Female
GA: And Being Reminded Of Said Body May Cause Distress In Those Afflicted With It
GA: However The Hormone Therapy I Mentioned Earlier Can Assist In Alleviating That Problem
GT: that does really sound like what i'm going through.
GT: i guess i should really look into that hormone thing then!
GA: Yes I Believe That Could Prove To Be Quite Helpful
GA: I Fear I Might Have Reached The Limit Of How I May Assist You
GA: But I Hope What I Have Done And Said Has Been Helpful To You
GT: it really has kanaya, thank you.
GT: i’m gonna be honest though and say that i don’t feel as good about this as i did last night.
GT: i’m realizing how difficult this all is probably gonna be.
GT: though i guess that’s kinda my fault for thinking that, since this is a pretty big thing to change about myself.
GA: I Think If There Is Anyone On This Planet Who Can Do This It Is Most Certainly You June
GA: This Is Not The First Time You have Had Something Seemingly Impossible To Overcome
GA: I Am Sure You Will Find A Way Through This
GA: You Always Do
GA: With Your Trademark Egbert Charm
GT: thanks kanaya :)
GT: actually that’s weird, jake said the same thing to me
GT: the thing about the “Egbert Charm”
GA: The Way He Speaks Sometimes Proves To Be Infectious
GT: lol you’ve got that right.
GA: If You Have The Day Free June We Could Perhaps Get Started On Clearing Things Off Of That List
GA: I Could Take Your Measurements And Then Get To Work On Making Some Outfits For You
GA: Rose Is Consulting With Dave For The Film He Is Working On And Most Likely Will Not Be Home For A Few Hours
GT: consulting? for what?
GA: Apparently Dave Wants To Make Sure No Strange Aspects Of His Psyche Leak Into The Script
GT: is dave still worried about that? he’s pretty open about being gay, right?
GA: I Recall Rose Mumbling Something About Puppets Over The Phone On Her Way Out Of The Hive A Few Minutes Ago
GT: ah yeah that makes more sense.
GA: So Do You Wish To Come Over Again Today

June’s mind began to process what Kanaya was offering her. Her heart began to race, she would have never thought that something like this could ever bring her this much happiness. Maybe even if things didn't work out perfectly, she still tried to believe that she had a shot at being happy again.

GT: yeah, i would actually!
GT: what’s the earliest i could come over?
GA: Right Now If You Are Not Busy
GA: It Would Be Wise To Maximize The Amount Of Time We Have Before Rose Returns
GA: Though Word On The Street Is That You Have Been Quite Active This Morning
GA: I Am Relieved You Were Able To Nestle Me Into Your Schedule
GT: heheh.
GT: i’m free until around 5:00, would that be enough time?
GA: More Than Enough Actually
GT: okay, cool. let me take a shower, than i’ll fly right over :)
GT: see you soon kanaya!
GA: See You Soon June
–ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 09:36

June scooted backwards in her chair, equally emotionally exhausted and excited. Holy shit she was gonna be able to wear female clothes. She didn’t realize how much she wanted something like this until now. June thought back to her childhood. As much as she was expecting to, she could not think of any time in her past where she expressed any sort of desire to do something like this. When did this all start anyway? She had told Kanaya her feelings of self loathing started around the age of eleven or twelve, and she remembered hating herself in the last few years before she and her friends played Sburb, but she also had zero memories of wanting to be a girl. Why did this desire feel so new yet also so familiar? The sound of a Crockercorp truck backing up in the distance made June snap out of her distracted thoughts. She realized she should hurry and go shower.

June got up and walked to her bathroom, once again looking at her reflection in the mirror. As happy as she was to be pointed in the right direction now, the realization of what had been bothering her caused her sadness to only become greater. More and more imperfections were becoming obvious to her now that she knew what exactly was wrong. She removed her glasses and placed them on the counter next to her. At least this way her form would be less painful to look at. Trying her best to ignore the grief her reflection gave her, she quickly brushed her teeth and turned on the showerhead. She sighed as she began to lift her shirt over her head, and tried her hardest to not look down as she removed her jeans and underwear. Still with her eyes shut, she stepped into her shower, and did her best to quickly wash her hair and body. Even without having to look at it, just touching her own form made June feel sick to her stomach. She was in and out of the water all within the span of five minutes. She couldn’t stand being in there any longer. Eyes still closed with all the force of an alligator's jaw, she dried herself off. She hung her towel up and began to blindly search her floor for her clothes. She eventually realized that wasn’t going to work as she begrudgingly opened her eyes to cover her body back up as fast as she possibly could. She didn’t understand how before she had gone her whole life feeling passive self hatred, only for it now to instantly flare up to at least ten times worse.

She put her glasses back on and stepped out of the bathroom. She returned to her room and tried to calm herself down at least somewhat. She sat on the edge of her bed with her head buried in her hands, trying to take deep breaths. She felt the air swirl through her mouth, throat, and lungs. She felt herself becoming connected to the soft, soothing air. She was the Heir of Breath, her body being tied to the wind. The storm in her brain calmed as she took one last heavy breath out. Her ascension to God Tier all those years ago had come with an ability she never expected to appreciate so much. The ability to calm the winds, and become one with them, both physically and metaphorically. She was proud of herself for being able to handle the situation without crying, which she had been doing a lot of lately. She tried her hardest to remind herself that she was on the right track, and that things could only get better from where she was now. She realized that she shouldn’t keep Kanaya waiting anymore. She picked up her phone, and retraced her route from last night as she flew back to the troll kingdom.

She landed in front of the Lalonde-Maryam hive and knocked on the door. Kanaya answered it almost immediately.

KANAYA: Hello Again June
KANAYA: It Has Been So Long Since We Last Spoke

The disappointment of having to gaze at her own reflection still lingered in June’s mind, but for whatever reason Kanaya’s sarcastic greeting was able to pull her out of her funk. She felt incredibly lucky to have such great friends, and even luckier to be in a place mentally where she could fully appreciate them.

JUNE: haha, hi kanaya.
KANAYA: Please Do Come In

June followed Kanaya inside and then upstairs. She had never seen this part of their hive before. Beautiful paintings lined the walls (with any paintings depicting wizards being interestingly absent) and every room in the upstairs hallway was decorated with as much grace as every one of Kanaya’s well crafted outfits. Kanaya eventually led June into a room at the end of the hall. It was a large room filled with sewing machines, fabric, and half finished dresses.

KANAYA: You Will Have To Forgive Me This Is The Only Room That Is Not As Meticulously Organized As The Rest
KANAYA: Give Me A Moment I Need To Find A Tape Measure Then We Can Begin

Kanaya spent about a minute rummaging through boxes before she finally found the tool needed for the job. She turned her attention to a laptop sitting on a desk and opened a notepad document.

KANAYA: Alright June Please Stand Up Straight
KANAYA: I Like To Be Precise With My Custom Jobs So I Am Going To Take Just About Every Measurement I Can
JUNE: custom jobs? do you get requests for those often?
KANAYA: Mostly Just From Rose
KANAYA: And Jane Whenever She Wants a New Pantsuit Or Pencil Skirt In A Different Shade of Red Or White
JUNE: oh heheheh.

June listened to Kanaya’s request and straightened her back as Kanaya began to take many measurements of her torso, arms, and legs. June tried her hardest not to think about the numbers Kanaya was typing into her laptop, and fortunately Kanaya wasn’t bringing them up either.

KANAYA: All Right That Should Be All I Need
KANAYA: I Will Try To Have A full Wardrobe Complete For You Soon
KANAYA: Except For Undergarments I Will Leave Purchasing Those To You
JUNE: a full wardrobe?
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: It May Take A While Since There Is A New Brood Being Born Soon But I Will Probably Use Most Of My Free Time For This
JUNE: that’s so nice of you!!!!!!!!
JUNE: are you sure you don’t need me to pay you or anything?
KANAYA: Nonsense I Think You Are Forgetting That This Is My Literal Favorite Thing To Do
KANAYA: You Do Not Have To Pay Me To Do Something That I Enjoy Doing
KANAYA: And For A Friend No Less
JUNE: well if you insist i guess.
JUNE: thank you so much kanaya, i’m really excited now!
KANAYA: Do You Have Any Preferences For Colors Or Specific Styles
JUNE: hmm, well i guess i like blue and green a lot.
KANAYA: I Will Keep That In Mind
JUNE: and i guess for styles-

June imagined the ideal form she had created once again and tried to picture what the woman in her mind’s eye was wearing. Her form flickered and shifted, preventing June from being able to describe her exactly. As she tried to focus, a memory of another person entered her mind. The memory began to fuse with the ethereal form and as it stabilized, it spoke to June.

Just tell her you wanna dress like me already Eg8ert.

JUNE: uhh you don’t have to do this for all of them but,
JUNE: i guess i wouldn’t mind some of the clothes to be in a similar style to what vriska wore?

Kanaya laughed and June began to fear that she said something stupid. She began to blush.

KANAYA: Of Course
KANAYA: I Should Have Figured You Would Want A Style Similar To Her
KANAYA: I Will See What I Can Do June
JUNE: thank you so much kanaya.

June walked forward and wrapped Kanaya in a hug, which she quickly reciprocated.

KANAYA: You Know If You Want to
KANAYA: I Have Some Larger Clothes Lying About
KANAYA: I Cannot Promise That They Will Fit You Perfectly
KANAYA: But If You Would Like a Trial Run Of The Clothes I Am Going To Make For You
KANAYA: You May Feel Free To Try On What I Have

June felt like her heart stopped but also started beating harder than ever at the same time.

JUNE: uh
JUNE: i mean if that’s okay
JUNE: i would…
JUNE: i would really like that.
KANAYA: Very Well Then
KANAYA: Give Me A Moment To Gather Up Everything Suitable I Have

Kanaya began to gather up a number of clothing articles scattered throughout the room and separated them out into individual outfits. Eventually she picked up something red and something black and brought it over to June.

KANAYA: Here Is Just A Simple Dress A Pair Of Spiritual Stretch Exercise Pants
KANAYA: I Do Hope You Do Not Mind The Color Red
JUNE: spiritual stretch exercise…?
KANAYA: What Is It That Humans Call It Again
KANAYA: The Exercise Ritual Where You Bend Your Body Strangely While Spiritual Music Plays In The Background
JUNE: ohhhhhhhh yoga.
KANAYA: Yes That
KANAYA: Your Human Names For Things Make Zero Sense To me Sometimes
KANAYA: Anyways You Can Go Change Behind That Screen
KANAYA: I Do Hope You Like It

June cradled the bundle of clothes close to her chest as she walked behind the screen. She took a breath and began to undress. The prospect of what she was about to experience made her too excited to not be struck down with anxiety when she looked down at her almost naked body. She took a deep breath once more as she pulled the stretchy black pants over her legs and hips. She picked up the dress and held it out in front of her. It was solid red, in a dark and deep shade. The sleeves were fairly long with a slight frill on the end. June raised her hands in the air as she tried to pull the dress over her. After taking a brief moment to get her arms and head through the holes, June nervously smoothed out the front of the dress and slowly walked out from behind the screen. She looked up at Kanaya’s face and saw her smiling back. June could also detect a slight amount of shock present in her expression as well.

KANAYA: It Is Not A Perfect Fit By Any Means But You Look Absolutely Adorable
KANAYA: There Is A Mirror Over By That Wall Behind You

June felt almost too afraid to turn around, scared of what she would see if she looked behind her. She felt the ominous and anxiety inducing presence of the mirror judging her from behind.

KANAYA: June
JUNE: i’m scared.
JUNE: i…
JUNE: i’m scared to see what i look like.
KANAYA: I Told You That You Look Adorable Did I Not
JUNE: i know but…
JUNE: *sigh* okay.

June slowly pivoted her feet towards the other side of the room, and looked in the mirror, staring at herself. June was unable to put what she felt into words. However an outside observer would call her expression…

Euphoric.

She looked at the girl staring back at her like she had never seen her own reflection in her life, and in a way, she hadn’t. For the first time ever, June was able to recognize herself. Her mind didn’t care about any of the imperfections of her body. She was still able to see her through all of them. June was finally there.

KANAYA: June You Have Not Said Anything In Over A Minute
KANAYA: Are You Ok
JUNE: …
KANAYA: June
JUNE: …

June whipped around and hugged Kanaya again, tears streaming down her face.

JUNE: thank you.

She couldn’t believe how happy she was. This was what was missing. If her revelation the night before wasn’t proof this is what she wanted, this absolutely was.

KANAYA: I Am So Pleased You Like It June
KANAYA: You Can Feel Free To Take This Home While I Work On What I Am Making For You
KANAYA: As Well As The Rest Of What I Have Laid Out
JUNE: really?
JUNE: thank you so much!
KANAYA: Ok Try This On Nex-

Kanaya was interrupted by the distant sound of a door opening on the first floor.

ROSE: Kanaya? I’m home.
JUNE: oh fuck.
KANAYA: Oh Fuck

Chapter Text

June hated having to hide in the closet. A part of her wanted to unapologetically tell the entire world about who she was, and how much better she felt. On the other hand though, the same thought terrified her. She also hated how cramped it was. Kanaya had told her to quickly hide in one of the closets lining the walls of her sewing room while she tried to distract Rose. Unfortunately, the first one she happened to find wasn’t necessarily a walk in. In the distance, June could hear the couple talking. Pieces of how their day had gone so far, (including much talk of puppets from Rose), snippets of them discussing what they wanted to eat for dinner later, and Kanaya trying her hardest to come up with excuses to keep Rose from entering the room covered in outfits.

ROSE: I’m going to use the bathroom, do you want to go out and get lunch?
ROSE: Personally, I have a craving for Grubway that I cannot ignore anymore.
KANAYA: YesThatSoundsPerfectInFactIWasGoingToSuggestGrubwayMyself
ROSE: Darling, are you sure you’re okay? You Sound Nervous.
KANAYA: YesAbsolutelyNeverBetter
ROSE: Alright then, I’ll be ready in five minutes give or take.

June heard the sound of a door closing and then someone approaching the room.

KANAYA: June Which Closet Are You In

June reached her hand out and waved.

KANAYA: Rose And I Are About To Leave
KANAYA: When You Hear Our Scuttlebuggy Start You Should Be Safe To Change And Go
KANAYA: We Should Be Gone By Then
KANAYA: You Can Take That Dress And Those Pants With You
KANAYA: If You Look Around There Should Be A Tote Bag Or Something In Here You Could Carry Them In
KANAYA: And Also Maybe Try To Push The Rest Of The Outfits Into One Big Pile
KANAYA: I Will Sort Them Out When Rose And I Return
JUNE: gotcha.
KANAYA: Thank You For Coming Over June I Do Hope You Had A Good Time
JUNE: i did, thanks kanaya :)
KANAYA: Goodbye June
JUNE: bye!

Kanaya quickly hurried out of the room to avoid drawing suspicion from Rose. June waited for the sound of the car in the driveway rev to life and pull away. June carefully crept out of the closet and to the window. The driveway was completely empty. June turned to her reflection once more. A sudden urge entered her mind, something that felt instinctually correct. She pulled her arms close to her chest and twirled around in a full circle, watching the skirt of her dress spin. She couldn’t help but giggle. She absolutely adored this. She stared at her reflection for minutes on end before realizing she should probably change and go. She shoved the remaining clothes on the floor into a pile near the corner, and began to change back into her t-shirt and jeans. She found a plain beige bag sitting on a table in the corner and shoved the dress and yoga pants as far into the bottom as she could push them. She ran down the stairs, and threw on her shoes as she walked out the door into the suburban streets. June let out a sigh of relief that she was able to get out without being spotted. She quickly propelled herself into the air as she reflected on her inability to tell her close friends about her new discovery. She didn't want to awkwardly hide from her friends for the rest of her life, but also the idea of opening up to them felt like an absolute no-go. So what was it that made Kanaya different? Would she have even told Kanaya about it if she had somehow discovered it by herself? There were absolutely zero conclusions June could draw.

She continued to ponder these thoughts until she finally landed in front of her house. She walked up to her room and slid back into her computer chair, placing the bag on the ground next to her. She looked at the clock in the bottom right of her monitor. It was only 12:03 PM, she still had around five hours to kill before her dinner with Jade. June shifted in her chair for a few minutes before something she had said to Kanaya the previous night entered her mind.

JUNE: i think i’ve heard the word before? but i know pretty much nothing about it.
JUNE: i think i remember reading about it on the internet years ago, and maybe hearing about it on the news too, but i really didn’t think much of it.

She tried to remember what she had read all of those years ago. She wondered if finding the website where she first found the word was possible, even with the archive of the old universe’s internet that Dave and Dirk helped set up. She figured it was worth a shot at least, and opened Google in The Archival Browser, circa 2009. She typed the word “transgender” into the search bar and began to comb through the first couple of pages of results. Definitions of what the word meant, history of the community created by transgender people, as well as articles detailing the experiences of other trans people. None of the articles she skimmed registered as familiar to her, but something about what she was reading bothered her even more. A lot of what she found seemed to carry a level of confusion, or in some cases even hatred of people that called themselves transgender. June thought back to how gay people were seen back in her old planet and time. The thoughts people carried seemed to be the same. Earth C was different. Due to the differences between human and troll sexuality, being gay or bisexual was just as normal as being straight, nothing about it was seen as strange. June wondered if the same held true for trans people. June switched to a regular web browser and typed the same phrase into Crockle, Earth C’s premiere search engine. Similar to her last attempt, many of the first results were just definitions of the word, followed by articles describing what it is like to be transgender. While a lot of the articles still seemed to carry some level of confusion and unfamiliarity towards the subject, June found no articles or news stories that seemed to indicate any level of hatred towards people like her. There seemed to be zero malice behind any of the results. This took a small load of stress off her mind. Even through her year-long tenure as a hermit, one thing that kept her going was the pride she had in the universe and planet she had a hand in creating.

June was beginning to get bored of skimming the articles. She closed her web browser and walked downstairs to her living room. Over the course of her year in solitude, she had started playing through a number of games from her childhood. She was about halfway through her playthrough of The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, her absolute favorite as a kid, and also a game that would later end up having a large influence on her role in Sburb. As she turned on the Gamecube that sat under her TV, she pondered what the cause and effect of her love for the game was. Was she so enthralled by the game due to her predestined role as her session’s Heir of Breath? Or was it Windwaker that influenced her mythological title? This line of thinking made June wonder if any games she played, or shows she watched as a kid influenced other aspects of herself, including her new discovery about her gender. Was there a game that she played that made her more cognizant of her identity that she was just forgetting?

June watched as the TV lit up to Windwaker’s title screen and her thoughts became distracted once more. She loaded her save file and began playing. She last left off at the beginning of the Earth Temple, and decided to play through the dungeon in one sitting. From beginning to end, it took her about two hours to clear. She thought this would be a decent place to stop for the day.

She checked the clock on the wall. She still had three hours until dinner with Jade, and she was already starting to get hungry. She ran to her kitchen to find something that could possibly hold her over until dinner. After searching her almost barren cabinets, she settled on a pack of beef jerky and returned upstairs while eating. Her eyes caught on the tote bag as she entered her bedroom, and she was quickly confronted with the desire to put the outfit on again. Just to be safe, she shut her blinds before once again quickly changing into the dress and pants. Unfortunately she didn’t have access to a full body mirror, and settled with looking at the top half of her reflection in her bathroom. It still didn’t feel real. She couldn’t believe she let this be missing from her entire life. It all felt so natural to her. The feeling of it all being equal parts familiar and alien returned. To her it was like rewatching a TV show she hadn’t seen in years. The feeling of remembering something that felt like it never happened. She returned to her room and considered changing back out of the dress.

JUNE: jade’s not gonna be here for a couple more hours.
JUNE: i suppose i could just
JUNE: wear this for a bit longer?

June smiled as she sat at her computer. This is what her life could be like now. She could do this whenever she wanted. (As long as she was alone of course; the bridge of ''coming out of the closet'' was not one she was ready to cross just yet.) She looked to her monitor and saw that she had a notification from one of her friends. She opened Pesterchum, not surprised to see who it was.

–gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 02:20
GC: H3Y 3GB3RT
GC: 1T’S B33N 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3 S1NC3 1 CH3CK3D 1N ON YOU
GC: HOP3 YOU’R3 DO1NG OK4Y1SH 1 GU3SS

Terezi Pyrope had been the one person June kept regular contact with in the past year, for multiple reasons. The main one being the fact June probably wasn’t going to see her in person for a long time. That eased some of the anxieties she felt whenever she was messaged by her other friends. The other reason being that Terezi always messaged first, and never seemed to mind their friendship working like that. June imagined she got quite bored flying through paradox space perpetually.

GT: hey terezi, i’m doing a lot better actually!
GT: i’m finally getting back outside again!
GT: jade and i are actually going to get dinner in a little bit actually!
GC: OH >:O
GC: W3LL TH4T’S SURPR1S1NG TO H34R
GC: YOU 4LL OF THE SUDD3N D3C1D3D TO JUST
GC: SH4K3 OFF YOUR D3PR3SSION
GC: 1MPR3SS1V3
GT: i mean i don’t think i would put it like that.
GC: D1D SOM3TH1NG H4PP3N?
GC: D1D YOU JUST H4V3 SOM3 OV3RN1GHT R3V3L4T1ON?
GT: uh
GT: i really don’t wanna get into why actually.
GC: WHY NOT
GT: because it’s super personal.
GC: SO >:?
GT: and i don’t wanna tell people about it yet!
GC: WH4T, 4R3 YOU HUM4N G4Y OR SOM3TH1NG?

June was caught off guard by how close Terezi was to getting the answer correct.

GT: i said i don’t feel like talking about it yet!!!!!!!!
GT: and no, i’m not gay!!!!!!!!
GC: 4LR1GHT, 4LRIGHT, 1’LL SHUT UP
GC: BUT T3LL M3 1F YOU CH4NG3 YOUR M1ND
GC: 1 K3PT YOU COMP4NY FOR TH3 P4ST Y34R, 1 TH1NK 1 4T L34ST D3S3RV3 TO KNOW HOW YOU FIX3D YOURS3LF
GT: alright i will, jeez.
GT: though i wouldn’t say that i’m “fixed” yet.
GT: i just know *how* to fix myself now.
GT: and that’s enough to keep me going for now at least.
GC: TH4T’S ODDLY M4TUR3 OF YOU 3GB3RT
GC: 1 H3S1T4T3 TO S4Y TH1S BUT 1’M PROUD OF YOU JOHN >:]
GT: aww, thanks terezi
GT: and that’s oddly mature of you to compliment me on that :)
GC: WH4T DO YOU M34N, “ODDLY”?
GC: 1 4M 1NCR3D1BLY FUCK1NG M4TUR3
GC: TH1S SHOULD COM3 4S NO SHOCK TO YOU
GT: mhm.
GC: >:]
GT: :)
GT: so, do you have any new leads about vriska? or how to get back?
GC: 1 4CTU4LLY DO B3L13V3 1T OR NOT
GT: :o
GC: 1T TURNS OUT TH3R3 4R3 4CTU4LLY DR34M BUBBL3S OUT H3R3
GC: L1K3 4 LOT
GC: PR3SSUM4BLY TH3Y’R3 FROM FURTH3R OUT 1N TH3 R1NG 4ND JUST GOT SUCK3D CLOS3R
GC: 1F VR1SK4 1S ST1LL OUT H3R3, TH3N CH4NC3S 4RE SH3’S PROB4BLY 1N ON3 OF TH3M
GT: holy shit that’s great!
GT: i hope you find the one she’s in soon then.
GC: 1 ST1LL H4V3 NO W4Y OF G3TT1NG B4CK THOUGH
GT: oh uhh
GT: yeah i guess so.
GC: UNL3SS OF COURS3 YOU US3 YOUR S1LLY L1TTL3 Z4PPY POW3RS 4ND BR1NG US B4CK YOURS3LF >:]
GT: uhh
GT: i’m not sure that would work.
GT: i haven’t used my retcon powers since we got here, idk if i can even go back to the old universe?
GC: 1’M NOT 1N TH3 OLD UN1V3RS3 JOHN, YOU KNOW TH1S
GC: TH3 FURTH3ST R1NG 1SN’T 4 P4RT OF 4NY UN1V3RS3
GT: right, sorry. i haven’t had to think about this in a while.
GC: OH HOW LOV3LY 1T WOULD B3 TO B3 YOU
GC: 4ND NOT H4V3 TO TH1NK 4BOUT TH3 M3CH4N1CS OF TR4V3RS1NG 4N 1NF1N1T3 FUCK1NG VO1D
GC: H3LL, TH1S PL4C3 1SN'T 3V3N 4 VO1D
GC: 1T'S 4NOTH3R ST3P OF NOTH1NGN3SS 4BOV3 TH4T
GT: jeez, shut up i’m sorry!
GC: WHY H4VE3N’T YOU B33N US1NG YOUR POW3RS TH3N?
GC: TH3Y S33M LIK3 TH3Y’D B3 US3FUL FOR 3V3RYD4Y L1F3
GT: to be honest, i’m kinda scared to.
GT: even after i made all of the changes to the timeline to fix everything, i still feel like i wasn’t in full control of it. like i just got a lucky break that everything turned out ok.
GT: and now that everything is fine, i can’t risk ruining it all.
GC: JOHN 3V3RYTH1NG 1S NOT F1N3, 1 4M STUCK 1N *L1T3R4LLY* TH3 M1DDL3 OF NOWH3R3
GC: WOULD YOU NOT US3 YOUR POW3RS TO S4V3 YOUR B3ST FR13ND?
GT: hold on, who said you’re my best friend?
GC: >:[
GC: 1 GU3SS 1 C4N’T BL4M3 YOU FOR TH4T
GC: 4ND 1 SUPPOS3 1’LL CROSS TH3 BR1DG3 OF G3TT1NG B4CK ONC3 1 F1ND H3R
GC: 1’LL T4LK TO YOU L4T3R JOHN, 1 TH1NK 1’M 4PPRO4CH1NG 4 BUBBL3
GT: see ya terezi.
–gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 02:55

June decided to return to her desktop and open Grubquest Online, a revived Alternian MMO that Karkat had introduced her to. June really didn't like the game all that much, but she thought that the base customizing features and fishing minigame were fun, and a decent way to keep herself busy while turning her brain off. She also really liked her custom female avatar that she made. The more that she looked at it, the more she wondered why she hadn't questioned the strange amount of enjoyment she got from playing as her.

June walked up to a lake and started fishing. As she played, she began to reflect on what she said to Terezi. She felt that her retcon powers weren’t something she would probably ever be able to fully use responsibly. No one should be able to have that much power over the story and world around them. Still though, June felt a pang of guilt for not using her powers to rescue her friends. Hell, she could probably use her powers to skip the hassle and locate Vriska on her own. The Furthest Ring was a strange place though. What would happen if she tried to teleport to a place that existed beyond the bounds of time and space? Would she be able to even return to the same point in time? June and her friends had finally achieved a happy ending, did she have the right to risk that in order to save two people? She thought more about Vriska, which led her down the same line of thinking from the night before.

To all who met her, Vriska Serket was an extraordinary person, for better or worse. She performed many acts that could not be referred to as anything except pure evil. Yet at the same time, she had a number of redeeming qualities. She was an invaluable friend to Terezi growing up, an extremely valuable asset to her teammates in their session of Sgrub, and even though her methods usually weren’t the most constructive, she still had a desire to see everyone she was close to at their best. And at the same time, everything she did carried an unmatched level of confidence that nobody could deny. Despite all of the wrong things she did, Vriska was still an inspiration to people, and June was no exception to this. As someone who didn’t see a majority of Vriska’s evil deeds, June admired her more than most. June was drawn to Vriska’s extra confident demeanor. She spent more time talking to her than most of the other trolls. Was there more to it than that though? Was it as simple as June being jealous of Vriska’s confidence in herself? June knew plenty of other confident people, why did she never feel this way about Dave, Rose, or even her own father? What did she see in Vriska that she wanted to see in herself?

June was kicked out of her trance by the sound of Pesterchum dinging once again. Who could it be this time?

–gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 03:31
GG: hey john! i got off work early today, do you wanna hang out for a bit before we go to dinner?

June was pleasantly surprised by this offer.

GT: yeah! that sounds great actually!
GG: :D
GG: ill be at your house in just a second.
–gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 03:31

June realized she would have to quickly change out of the dress before Jade-

*Knock knock knock*

Oh fuck, she was already here. June began to scramble even faster to remove the clothes as she heard more and more knocks. She quickly threw the outfit in the tote bag and changed back to her shirt and jeans, running downstairs as she buttoned and zipped herself up. June stumbled to the door, and opened it.

JADE: hi john!

June hadn’t seen her sister in ages, yet she looked just as she remembered. Jade Harley was slightly taller than June, with her long, curly hair sitting at the bottom of her back. June could tell she had just gotten off work. She was dressed like what anyone would imagine a scientist dressing like, a simple cyan shirt and beige pants covered by a long white lab coat, as well as the thickest pair of glasses June had ever seen. June looked at the top of Jade’s head. The dog ears she had inherited from Becquerel were standing on end. June figured if Jade’s inadvertent fusion with her guardian had given her a tail, it would be wagging like crazy.

JADE: shoot! I forgot to take my coat off before i teleported out here
JUNE: you’re… *huff* *puff* still able to do that?
JUNE: i thought the green sun was gone?
JADE: i can still use my space powers dummy!
JADE: just not my first guardian powers.
JADE: which were pretty much just stronger versions of my space powers actually hehe.
JUNE: oh, duh of course.
JADE: what, have you not been using your windy powers?
JUNE: uhh…
JUNE: just to fly faster i guess.
JUNE: and fuse with the wind to get out of the house through the window.
JUNE: idk, i think they’re kinda tied to my retcon powers now.
JUNE: and i’m still really apprehensive about ever using those again.
JUNE: i try to be quick when i “become the breeze” just so i don’t accidentally end up in some random corner of paradox space.
JADE: hmm thats fair.
JADE: anyways, can i come in?
JUNE: oh, of course!

June beckoned Jade inside and shut the door behind the two of them. Almost as soon as she did, she found herself being yanked by Jade into a hug. June was caught off guard for a moment, but then hugged her back. The two stood there for at least 30 seconds. June could hear Jade softly crying. June realized she was getting choked up as well.

JADE: i missed you so much.
JADE: i was so worried about you.
JADE: please never leave us all again john.
JADE: please don’t leave me again.
JADE: not again.
JUNE: i won’t.
JUNE: i promise.
JADE: i love you john.
JUNE: i love you too jade.

Jade sniffled and let herself out of the hug, lifting her glasses to wipe her eyes. Clearly Jade didn't want to dwell on the past, and simply enjoy their evening together.

JADE: ok then! what do you want to do until dinner?
JADE: we could go out, or we could hang around here for a while if you want!
JADE: wait, is that a gamecube!
JADE: what games do you have on it?

Jade’s eyes locked on to the game console underneath June’s TV. June had a feeling that tonight would be fun.

Chapter Text

JADE: get fucked john!!!
JUNE: noooooooo!!!!!!!!

June dropped her controller to the floor and sunk into the couch in disappointment. Jade had just kicked her ass in Mario Kart for the 12th time in a row. She watched in dismay as the six CPU racers all crossed the finish line subsequently, as her kart solemnly sat almost a full lap away from it.

JADE: heh heh
JADE: i believe that is 3 grand prixs in a row that i have absolutely DESTROYED you in brother!
JADE: muwahahahahaha!
JUNE: jegus christ i’m rusty.

June turned and looked at the clock. The two had lost track of time, it was an hour and a half past 5:00.

JUNE: shoot, it's already 6:30. should we get going? i’ll let you choose where we go since you thrashed me so hard.
JADE: hmmm…
JADE: you want pizza? theres a really good place in the consort kingdom that jake and dirk take me to sometimes!
JADE: might take a couple of teleports though, i dont think im able to go that far in one go anymore :p
JUNE: how far south into the kingdom is it?
JADE: right near the border actually!

June reflected on the decisions she and her friends made when creating Earth C. Since the population would most likely be quite small after only five thousand years, they decided to only populate North America. When they arrived in the future, the kingdoms had already been formed. The Human Kingdom took up most of what was formerly the US, the Troll Kingdom most of Canada, the Carapacian Kingdom took the eastern portion of the aforementioned countries, and the Consort Kingdom was located where Mexico and Central America once were.

As she walked to over to the Gamecube and TV to turn them off, June pulled out her phone to check the distance between her house and the northern end of the Consort Kingdom. June was still in absolute awe at the strength of Jade’s abilities, the trip was about 2000 miles.

JUNE: jeez jade, are you sure you can make it that far without your first guardian powers?
JADE: yeah! I was able to make it down here pretty quickly, right?
JUNE: don’t you live pretty far south though? in the troll kingdom i mean.
JUNE: near dave and karkat's place right?
JADE: john i literally live further north than the actual mainland.

Jade walked up to June and pointed at an island far up north on her phone.

JUNE: oh, did you move or something?
JADE: yeah! a few months back!
JADE: i moved for work actually, i wanted a new place to build a lab, and there was a team of scientists up there who were searching for someone with my level of expertise :p
JADE: plus i wanted to give dave and karkat some space.
JADE: as fun as it was to be next door neighbors, i think those two are still trying to fully figure each other out if you catch my drift.
JUNE: mhm mhm.
JADE: anyway lets go!
JUNE: huh-w8!!!!!!!!

Before June knew it Jade had grabbed her by the hand, and the two were... no longer in June's living room. The two were in the middle of a desert. June figured this was a half way point somewhere between her house and the restaurant.

JADE: phew! gimme a sec!
JUNE: jade, i didn’t get a chance to grab my wallet!
JADE: what for? im paying.

June wasn’t given a chance to protest as Jade grabbed her hand again and teleported the two to a street sidewalk in what appeared to be a small rustic Consortian town. The sidewalk was lined by a number of old looking buildings and many outdoor restaurants. The people in the streets and sidewalks turned around in surprise at the sudden appearance of the two, but then returned to their normal business after realizing it was just two of the world's creators, presumably here on Godly business of some sort. Jade hunched over and started panting like a dog.

JADE: ok im officially tuckered out now, can we fly the rest of the way? its not that far.
JUNE: that’s fine by me.
JADE: one…
JADE: one sec though i need…
JADE: *gasp* to catch my breath.

June looked out at the town. Despite the names of the four kingdoms of Earth C implying they were each inhabited by only one species, most of the kingdoms were actually melting pots of humans, trolls, carapacians, and consorts. The street June and Jade were on was mostly populated by crocodile consorts from LOHAC, but June could also see other races of consorts, some carapacians, and even some other humans.

June looked over at Jade. She never really noticed it before, but she really did look similar to her sister. Similar facial features, similar-ish builds, and now even similar hair. But despite that, June couldn't help but feel jealous. Despite their similarities, Jade was still...visibly female? June really couldn't understand how this was even possible. Jade really wasn't the type to wear makeup or go out of her way to wear fashionable clothes, yet somehow she still looked absolutely gorgeous. June wanted to be like that. She imagined her ideal self she pictured yesterday. The rapidly shifting image in her head stabilized slightly. The girl she was seeing looked a lot like Jade. She began to notice more and more similarities between herself and the ethereal form she was picturing. Maybe these differences weren't as insurmountable as she thought. This brought a smile to June's face, and perhaps a small amount of confidence to her heart too.

JADE: phew, ok! ready to go?
JADE: should be about a 5 minute flight south of here!
JUNE: mhm!
JUNE: here, lemme help out a bit!
JADE: huh-WAAH!

In a completely spontaneous decision, June grabbed Jade’s hand and created a massive updraft beneath them, catapulting them both into the sky. Once airborne June pushed out from behind the two of them, creating a massive gust pushing them south. June saw that the wind behind them was the same shade of blue as the Breath symbol, as if she had shot a blast of smoke. This was the first time in ages she had used her powers that intensely. If she could do something that strong without accidentally zapping herself to another point in paradox space, then maybe she could use her God Tier powers more frequently.

JADE: john! holy shit!
JADE: that was awesome, why didn’t you tell me you could still do that!
JADE: i thought you said you didnt use your powers anymore?
JUNE: i thought i didn’t too!
JUNE: i don't know! i just... felt like using them all of the sudden!
JADE: hahaha, you REALLY must be feeling better then, huh?

By this point the two had caught the breeze and began flying with their standard God Tier abilities. June pondered what Jade had just said. Was that why she hadn’t been using the full extent of her wind powers? The events of the previous evening, and the realization she just experienced had certainly made her feel somewhat more confident in herself. Perhaps that's why her apprehension about using them had eased at least somewhat.

JUNE: heheh i guess so.
JUNE: are we close to where we should land?
JADE: we should be right over the street in about…
JADE: (hmm with the extra burst of speed from the boost you gave us…)
JADE: 5 seconds!
JUNE: shoot, are we gonna be able to land quickly enough? we’re going really fast!
JADE: hehehehehe. you underestimate my powers again dear brother!
JADE: im not gonna let you one up me again!!!
JUNE: i thought you said you were too tired to teleport again?
JADE: who said anything about teleportation?

Jade winked and snapped her fingers. The two suddenly froze in midair, all of their horizontal velocity canceled. June screamed as the two quickly began to plummet to the ground, but before they could fall even a meter, June felt ground beneath her. She looked under her and saw she was lying on a piece of asphalt that Jade had extruded and stretched out of the street below. June turned to her sister, standing on a stretched piece of ground next to her, posing like a Superhero. Jade snapped her wrist down and returned the slabs of road back to where they belonged. June rose to her feet and walked to the sidewalk with Jade, still a bit shaken up.

JADE: and that john,
JADE: is why you dont fuck with a witch :D

June laughed as Jade led her to a small restaurant a few buildings away. June looked at the sign above the door which read “NAK PIZZA” and featured a crude scribble of a crocodile in a chef’s hat. June opened the door for her sister before following her inside. June was surprised by what she saw. It looked like a standard ma and pa pizza restaurant that wouldn’t seem out of place back in the Human Kingdom. The place was mostly empty, except for a family of salamanders sitting at a table in the corner next to them, as well as a group of teenage trolls and carapacians joking and laughing in a booth in the opposite corner. The waitress attending the family of salamanders turned around to June and Jade.

GARCIE: h3llo jad3! f33l fr33 to sit wh3r3v3r!

June and Jade settled on a booth by the window, both inspecting the menus. June was about to ask Jade if she wanted an appetizer, but before she could open her mouth, she was interrupted by someone approaching the table. A small crocodile in a chef’s hat, presumably the one depicted on the sign.

PAPADILE: nak nak nak nak hello jade and friend of jade that looks like jake
PAPADILE: do you want something to drink
JUNE: just water’s fine.
JADE: ill have a lemonade please!
PAPADILE: nak nak ok

June watched the small red reptile waddle back towards the kitchen.

JADE: thats papadile, hes the head chef!
JUNE: then why's he taking our order?
JADE: i think garcie is the only other person that works here.
JADE: aside from the other three cooks, but i dont know if they know how to speak alternglish.
JUNE: papadile and that waitress both knew you by name, do you come here often?
JADE: mhm! jake takes me here all the time!
JUNE: wait, don’t jake and dirk live on an island?
JUNE: like where cuba used to be?
JUNE: that sounds like it would take a lot of teleports.
JADE: jake has password locked transportalizers set up everywhere, they go pretty much anywhere in any of the kingdoms!
JADE: if you ever go to his and dirks house, be careful to not step on them, i did once and ended up on the roof of janes mansion!

June began to realize how much she had missed her friends. Even though everyone lived hundreds or even thousands of miles apart, they still found ways to hang out with each other. June wasn’t even able to manage to respond to messages over the internet. She didn’t know how long it would take her to get over her guilt of isolating herself, especially now knowing how much it affected the people dearest to her.

PAPADILE: nak nak nak here are your drinks are you ready to order
JADE: are you ready john? ill have my usual papadile!

June quickly snapped back to reality.

JUNE: oh i’ll have uhh...
JUNE: just plain cheese please.
PAPADILE: nak nak ok
PAPADILE: those will be ready soon

Papadile scooted away once more, repeating Jade and June’s orders to himself.

JUNE: what’s your usual jade?
JADE: meat lovers :p
JUNE: ahh of course heheh.
JADE: so umm…
JADE: do you wanna like
JADE: talk about anything?
JADE: i know i probably couldve asked you that back at your house, but you know how Mario Kart can be hehehehe
JUNE: uhhh
JUNE: what do you wanna talk about?
JADE: *sigh*
JADE: look john, i told you i wasnt gonna bother you about stuff, but i wanna talk to you about this.
JADE: what kept you inside for so long?

June gulped nervously. She really wasn't expecting Jade to bring this up, especially now of all times. She tried to get herself to relax while she thought about how she would answer her sister's question. There was a voice nagging at the back of her head begging her to tell Jade the truth, but it was just quiet enough for June to ignore it. She would try to just tell her what she told Jane earlier.

JUNE: i just…
JUNE: haven’t been feeling well mentally.
JUNE: and i just didn’t wanna go outside and face my problems, y’know?
JADE: well yeah, duh!
JADE: obviously you have to be dealing with some sort of mental problem when you don’t leave your house for a full year!
JADE: john, whats wrong?

Fuck. She was going to have to be more descriptive than she was with Jane.

JUNE: i’ve been having problems with my self esteem i guess?
JUNE: about liking myself i mean.
JADE: you…
JADE: dont like yourself?
JADE: how couldnt you like yourself john, youre awesome!
JADE: i mean what could you possibly *not* like about yourself?

The voice nagging at the back of her head was getting louder, at this point practically screaming at her to tell Jade about how much she hated being male. About how much she hated everything about the shape of her body, the stupid male clothes she had to wear, and how much she hated being called “John.” She didn’t even realize how much she hated that name until that very moment.

You know what. Fuck it. June was going to tell Jade right then and there. She opened her mouth to speak and…

JUNE:
JUNE:
JADE: …john?

Nothing came out of her mouth. She was legitimately trying to tell her, but the words literally would not be produced by her throat. She felt a weight in her mind. The voice in June’s head speaking to her earlier was strictly a metaphorical one, but this strange weight in her brain felt scarily real. Like there was a physical padlock in her head keeping her from letting the words go from her brain to her lips.

JADE: john are you ok?
JUNE: i…
JUNE: don’t wanna talk about it, ok.
JUNE: i just…
JUNE: can’t.
JUNE: i'm sorry.
JADE: its ok john.
JADE: i should be sorry, i shouldn’t have badgered you about it. :(
JADE: are you mad at me?
JUNE: nonono, of course not!
JUNE: i really appreciate you looking out for me jade.
JUNE: you’re the best.
JADE: awww, john!
JADE: you’re my little brother! of course i’ll always look after you!

June winced a bit at being called her “brother”, but she guessed she would have no other choice but to let it slide.

JUNE: thanks jade :)
PAPADILE: nak nak nak mama mia its pizza time

Papadile returned to June and Jade’s table carrying a pizza in his hand, and another atop his head. In a graceful motion who’s quality could never be replicated or matched in all of paradox space, he slid the pizzas across the table, stopping directly in front of the two customers. Jade giggled and clapped as Papadile skedaddled back to the kitchen once more. The two began to immediately dig into their pizzas. Much to June’s pleasure, the conversation for the rest of their meal was much more laid back, and the subject of June’s mental health wasn’t brought up again. Even still though, she couldn’t stop thinking about her inability to speak to Jade. What she had felt before was unlike anything she had ever experienced. It didn’t feel… natural. Over the last twenty-four hours she had experienced a lot of new feelings, but this was different from the anxieties she was already experiencing. Did she only feel this because she was ready to rip the band-aid off? Perhaps this was her brain’s final shield of defense from truly letting itself be vulnerable. She realized she would have to think more about that later, the two were finished with their meals. Jade walked June to the counter where Garcie stood and handed the troll some cash. At this point the family of salamanders and the group of teenagers had already left.

GARCIE: thanks so much for coming jad3 and…
GARCIE: you’r3 john, right?
GARCIE: john 3gb3rt? The h3ir of br3ath?
GARCIE: forgiv3 m3 for for not b3ing c3rtain, it’s b33n a long tim3 sinc3 i was in school, haha.

The fame that June and her friends had accumulated was something she doubted she would ever be able to get used to. She had only found out they were actually included in history books fairly recently. Somehow historians were actually able to gather a surprisingly high amount of information about their sburb sessions (June assumed that Rose was involved in that in some way.)

JUNE: haha, yep that’s me!
JUNE: do you wanna see a windy thing or something?

As much as she hated responding to the name John, she still wanted to make a good impression on this girl. She snapped her fingers and summoned a small updraft beneath her neck, causing her hair to rise into a waving black tower. Garcie applauded June’s trick.

GARCIE: haha, that’s so n3at!
GARCIE: thanks so much you two, hav3 a gr3at night!

June and Jade smiled and left the restaurant. The sun was starting to set, and the small rustic town was starting to become more and more inactive. In two quick zaps, Jade sent the two of them to June’s front door step.

JADE: it was so nice to see you again john, i had a really nice time.
JADE: dont leave us again, ok!
JUNE: i promise i won’t jade.
JADE: hehe im so glad youre feeling better.
JADE: alright i should probably head home now, i wanna check in on dave and karkat on my way back.
JUNE: about the movie?
JADE: mhm! dave got some consultation from rose about the script this morning.
JUNE: puppets?
JADE: how the hell did you know that?
JUNE: lucky guess.
JADE: hehehe
JADE: bye john, have a good night!
JUNE: bye jade! it was so good to see you again!

Before she teleported away, Jade embraced June in an incredibly comfortable hug before zapping away in a white flash. June entered her house and went up stairs. It was only around 8:00 pm but she was tired beyond belief. She went to her room and changed out of her jeans and into a more comfortable pair of shorts. She was tempted to put the dress on again, but that would require more effort than her body was willing to give at the moment. She flopped onto her bed and pulled out her phone. She wanted to test something.

–ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 08:02
GT: hey terezi, do you have a sec?
GT: i wanna talk to you about something.

June was still very much hung up on what was preventing her from telling Jade. She wanted to see if she was able to at least tell someone else about it. June didn’t mind talking to Terezi. It was over the internet, and June figured she was the only friend of hers that she might never see in person again. Plus, she was one of the few people she already had experience opening up to.

GC: WH4T’S UP 3GGH34D >:?
GT: ok so i think i know what’s wrong with me.
GT: and how i can fix myself.
GC: OH SO NOW YOU’R3 GONN4 OP3N UP TO M3?
GC: 1’M SO HONOR3D.
GT: yes, in fact i am!
GT: ok so basically,

It was time, she was gonna tell Terezi all about her discovery.

GT: o wamt tpo ne a gloft;l
GC: JOHN WH4T TH3 FUCK.
GT: oops, mistyped, i mean
GT: i twent to ve a gurkn
GC: JOHN TH1S 1S TH3 STUP1D3ST PR4NK YOU’V3 3V3R TR13D TO PL4Y ON M3
GT: goddamnit why can’t i type it!
GT: what the hell is going on!
GC: OK 3GB3RT H4H4, GOOD B1T, L3T’S MOV3 ON.
GC: 1’V3 GOTT4 GO B4CK TO S34RCH1NG DR34M BUBBL3S.
GC: 1’M R34LLY ST4RTING TO G3T T1R3D OF FLY1NG 1N 4ND OUT OF TH3S3 TH1NGS.
GC: BY3 JOHN.
–ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 08:07

What the hell was going on? She was trying her absolute hardest to type “i want to be a girl.” but for whatever reason she was physically unable to properly move her fingers to do it. It was the same sensation she had when trying to talk to Jade earlier. She could almost feel the weight pressing on her again. June sighed and turned off her phone. She was able to talk to Kanaya, but why not Jade and Terezi? Was it because she didn’t know Kanaya as well as them? Jade was her oldest friend and Terezi was… Terezi. Was there anyone in her friend group that fell into the oddly specific category of only being "kind of" close with? None of her other human friends certainly. Dirk she didn’t know as well, but not enough to be able to trust him with this information. What about the trolls? Aradia and Sollux she barely even knew, and she was already very close friends with Karkat (even though he would never admit that.) There had to have been another person she was forgetting, right? The only person she could think of was…

JUNE: vriska…

June was out like a light after that. The day's events had left her exhausted, and she was ready to turn in for the night. She found herself embraced by the dark void of sleep.

…

Or was she? Was she… dreaming? June opened her eyes and found herself in what looked to be a dream bubble, based on how different pieces of the environment seemed to transform radically every few hundred meters. She hadn’t been in a dream bubble in ages, why was she suddenly in one now? She realized she should probably clean her appearance up a bit in case she ran into anyone. She snapped her fingers and instantly changed into her God Tier outfit. She began to explore the bubble aimlessly. It had been years since she had last been in one, so she figured she’d try and make it count while she had the chance.

She wandered aimlessly through countless memories. She passed through houses belonging to her friends, strange mish-mashes of their customized Sburb lands, and the regal architecture of Prospit and Derse. She stopped to catch her breath once she reached what appeared to be a memory belonging to a troll. It was of a land in Sburb she didn’t recognize. It was covered in craggy islands scattered in an endlessly large sea. She crossed a rope bridge into a small island covered by a large tree. This seemed like a decent place to relax for a moment. As she approached the tree, she realized a ghost was already there, sitting on a rock facing away from her. June noticed the person she was approaching was a troll. She had seen a few on her travels already, but none of them were ghosts of people she was particularly close to. The ghost turned around in response to June’s presence. June froze when she saw who it was.

VRISKA: John????????

June looked at Vriska’s eyes. She wasn’t looking at a ghost. This was her timeline’s Vriska, alive and in the flesh.

Chapter Text

June was in complete shock over who she was seeing. Terezi had been searching for Vriska for years, and yet she was able to stumble upon her after only a single night of being in a dream bubble.

VRISKA: You’re… not dead.
VRISKA: You’re the alive, alpha timeline John.
VRISKA: How the 8ctual FUCK did you get here????????
JUNE: i have zero clue either!!!!!!!!
JUNE: i can’t believe this! this is the first time in years i’ve actually been in a dream bubble, and i immediately find you!
VRISKA: W8, w8, w8 w8 w8.
VRISKA: Something’s not right here.
VRISKA: You’re saying you’re asleep right now?
JUNE: i mean how else would i get here?
VRISKA: hmmmmmmmm…

Vriska approached June quickly and grabbed her by the arm.

JUNE: hey what are you-
JUNE: OWWWWWWWW

Vriska raked her nails (claws?) across June’s left arm. Not enough to cause serious harm, but enough to draw blood. Wait, draw blood? Wasn’t that not supposed to happen if she was dreaming?

VRISKA: I knew it!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: It would 8e waaaaaaaay too convenient for you to just end up here in the first dream you’ve had in ages.
VRISKA: You’re wide awake right now John ::::)
JUNE: how the hell did i get here then!?
VRISKA: Does this have to do with your weird zappy powers?
VRISKA: Y’know, the ones that were supposed to 8e mine that you STOLE from under my nose?
JUNE: you let me have them!
VRISKA: No, the path8ic altern8 8ITCH version of me that got killed 8y Terezi let you have them!
VRISKA: If IIIIIIII was there, I would’ve taken the treasure immedi8ly!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: What self respecting pir8 wouldn’t?

June was going to bring up that Vriska probably wouldn't even be alive in this timeline if she hadn’t been the one to use the treasure in the first place, but there were way more important things to be discussing right now. How the hell had she used her retcon powers to get there? She hadn’t used them in ages, so why did she suddenly use them by accident?

JUNE: sorry vriska, i’m still trying to figure out how i got here!
VRISKA: Did you use your retcon fuckery on accident somehow?
JUNE: i don’t think so, i haven’t used it in years at this point.
VRISKA: You haven’t?
VRISKA: Why the hell not?
VRISKA: Those powers are sick as fuck!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: You can do pretty much anything with them as far as I can tell, and you choose to just not use them?
VRISKA: God, now I’m even MORE em8arrassed that another version of me let you take them!
VRISKA: You haven’t done shit with them!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: W8 a minute, 8ctually,
VRISKA: You could’ve teleported out here and rescued me this whole time!
VRISKA: Why didn’t you!!!!!!!!
JUNE: because i could’ve fucked something up!!!!!!!!
JUNE: we worked so hard to actually finish all of the bs sburb gave us, there’s no way i could’ve risked ruining that!
VRISKA: Not even to save your 8est friend John?
JUNE: ugh! that’s exactly what terez-
JUNE: right, terezi!
JUNE: she’s been looking for you ever since we finished the game, i need to tell her i found you.
VRISKA: She’s 8een what?

June reached into her pocket to find her phone, only to realize,

JUNE: shit, i left my phone at my house.
JUNE: i guess since i was able to get out here without causing any problems, i can try zapping back to grab it and come back?
VRISKA: John, w8!!!!!!!!

Before Vriska could stop her, June envisioned her bedroom. She steadied her breathing and tried to retcon herself back into her house. She felt herself begin to zap away, but as she began to fade into cyan light, she felt a flash in her vision. She yelped and fell to the ground in agony.

JUNE: gaah, fuck!
VRISKA: John slow the fuck down!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Is Terezi really looking for me?
JUNE: owww, fuck. y-yes she is.
VRISKA: Ohhhhhhhh my fucking god this is em8arassing.
VRISKA: Also what are you doing rolling around like a wiggler?
JUNE: agh, i don’t know, something happened when i tried to go back to my room.
JUNE: there was this weird flash and it hurt like crazy!
JUNE: i can’t teleport out of here for some reason!
VRISKA: Are you sure you aren't just 8eing a coward John?
VRISKA: Were you too scared to use it again?
JUNE: ugh, shut up!
JUNE: and stop calling me that!
VRISKA: Stop 8eing a coward then!
JUNE: no, i mean stop calling me joh-
JUNE: uhh i mean,
JUNE: look, never mind.

June wasn’t comfortable in testing if she was able to open up to Vriska or not. She was willing to tell Terezi, but she had too many conflicting thoughts about Vriska to talk to her. Besides, she needed to focus on why she couldn’t get out of the dream bubble. She sat up as Vriska sat down next to her.

JUNE: why…
JUNE: why can’t i zap out of here?
JUNE: i was able to get here, why can’t i leave!
VRISKA: May8e it’s karma for you not coming to rescue me sooner! Oh well, guess you’re stuck here with me now John ::::)
VRISKA: Guess we can 8oth just sit here and w8 for Terezi now!
JUNE: look, i’m sorry for not trying to save you ok?
JUNE: i was just scared.
JUNE: you’re right, i was scared to use them.
JUNE: this is literally the first time i’ve ever used them since we finished the game.
JUNE: even when i was using them to fix the timeline i still felt terrified of them, like at any point i could fuck up and break literally everything.
JUNE: i guess that does make me a coward then.

Vriska looked at June with an uncharacteristically concerned expression, as if somewhere in her heart she felt some form of remorse for calling June a coward earlier.

VRISKA: Alright, I get it.
VRISKA: I suppose I can sort of understand why you wouldn’t wanna use it.
VRISKA: 8esides, I wouldn’t want you to accidentaly fuck up the happy ending I made for all of you.
JUNE: wow i…
JUNE: never expected you to ever say something like that.
JUNE: thanks for understanding vriska.
VRISKA: Guess 8eing out here for so long has changed me a 8it.

June was slowly beginning to grasp the situation she was currently in. She was literally sitting next to the person she had been subconsciously idolizing for years. Physically, Vriska didn’t look like she had changed much. She was a smidge taller, and her signature blue make up was nowhere to be seen. Her jeans and black t-shirt were covered in small tears and holes, with her now extremely ragged jacket tied around her waist. June squinted at her arms and face. She was able to notice a number of scars across her skin. The fight with Lord English must’ve really roughed her up. The more June looked at Vriska the more her previous thought cemented itself in her head. She really did want to be like her. Even stripped of any sort of external ways to enhance her beauty and femininity, she was still undeniably female in June’s eyes. Jealousy began to enter her heart. She would give anything to exude even a fraction of the coolness she saw in her. Sure it clashed with the vibes and style she also wished to copy from Jade, but June saw no problems with that. People were more than just single trait caricatures.

VRISKA: Hey, John.
VRISKA: Stop staring at me.
JUNE: huh?
JUNE: oh uhh s-sorry.
JUNE: it’s just been a while since i’ve seen you.
VRISKA: Fair enough, I’m hot as shit so I guess I can’t 8lame you.

June couldn’t help but blush a bit.

VRISKA: So then.
VRISKA: How’s the new universe?
JUNE: i think it’s pretty nice.
JUNE: i mean we’ve only been to one planet, but i think we were all able to make it a nice place.
VRISKA: What’s it like?

June explained to Vriska about how they repurposed the ectobiology equipment to repopulate North America, and how it was later separated into kingdoms. She gave a brief summary of the planet’s history (as much as she remembered of it at least) and explained what life was like in the present.

VRISKA: Huh.
VRISKA: That sounds 8oring as shit!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: You guys just made more humans and trolls?
VRISKA: Laaaaaaaame, you guys could’ve made a 8unch of cool new aliens or some shit!
VRISKA: And it’s really that peaceful? Everyone there must 8e a huge wimp then!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Guess I’ll have to whip the place into shape when I get there ::::)
VRISKA: What’s everyone else up to now?
JUNE: everyone else?
VRISKA: You know, Karkat, Kanaya, and all the humans.
JUNE: oh, right.

This was another subject June’s memory wasn’t the most caught up with, given her long time spent in solitude, but she still tried her best to catch Vriska up with everyone’s relationship and career statuses.

VRISKA: Hahahaha!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Seriously? Nu8kat and Dave? They must drive each other up the fucking wall!
VRISKA: Can't say I'm surprised though.
VRISKA: Hmmmmmmmm…
JUNE: what is it?
VRISKA: I'm noticing........
VRISKA: You haven’t mentioned much a8out yourself Eg8ert.
VRISKA: What’s your deal?

Oh fuck, it was time for June to talk about herself again, and also try to sidestep mentioning her gender.

JUNE: uhh...
JUNE: just hangin’ out.
VRISKA: Doing what?
JUNE: uhh...
JUNE: playing video games and stuff.
VRISKA: mmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmm
JUNE: what?
VRISKA: Alright Eg8ert, what are you not telling me here.
JUNE: h-huh? what do you mean?
VRISKA: From what I’m gathering here, you have 8arely seen your friends in over a year, and have just 8een “hanging out” alone in your hive.
VRISKA: Something’s clearly up here John.
JUNE: ugh fine, you got me.
JUNE: i’ve just been a bit bummed, ok?
JUNE: but i’m working on it and have been feeling a lit better actually!
VRISKA: You haven’t left your hive for a fucking year!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: That sounds like you’re a 8it more than 8ummed!
VRISKA: Are you… depressed?
JUNE: i don’t know, maybe?
JUNE: it sounds kinda stupid when you put it like that though.
VRISKA: Yeah that did sound kinda dum8, my 8ad.
VRISKA: Seriously though John, tell me what’s up.

June was honestly shocked that Vriska wanted to have a real and deep conversation with her. That was so unlike everything she had previously known about her.

JUNE: i’ve just been having problems with my self esteem, y’know?
JUNE: like having issues with well,
JUNE: liking myself.
VRISKA: Oooooooohhhhhhhh I see.
VRISKA: Wow, I have 8een away for too long haven’t I?
VRISKA: It sounds like you need my help John.
VRISKA: I can turn you into the coolest motherfucker on Earth C.
VRISKA: That's a dum8 name 8y the way. You guys should've come up with something waaaaaaaay cooler.

Even though Vriska had zero clue why, June began to blush even harder at the offer. Vriska could help her be as cool as she is! Maybe that could also mean helping her learn to be a girl?

JUNE: you’d be willing to do that?
VRISKA: I’ve helped you 8efore hav8n’t I?
VRISKA: There’s nothing I h8 more than seeing people with tons of untapped potential like you just sitting around and feeling sorry for themselves.
VRISKA: So I’m not gonna let you.
VRISKA: What exactly do you not like a8out yourself then John?

At that moment June felt ready to instantly come clean about wanting to be a girl. She instantly prepared herself to talk about her new name, the new clothes Kanaya was going to make her, and all of the other things on the list she made. She opened her mouth to speak and-

She couldn’t. This time however, she couldn’t tell if this was regular anxiety inhibiting her, or the strange sensation that occurred earlier. Everytime she tried to steady her mind and try again, she could feel the thoughts fizzle out from her brain and back into her throat.

JUNE:
JUNE: i...
JUNE: i don’t wanna talk about that right now, i’m sorry.
VRISKA: Well John I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on!
JUNE: i guess…
JUNE: i don’t want help right now. I’m not ready for it.
VRISKA: You’re starting to sound like Jade’s kid grand-lusus.
VRISKA: Joke or whatever his name is.
VRISKA: You’re giving me a load of hoof8east-crap here John.
VRISKA: Just tell me.

June felt her heart even further deeper the more she heard Vriska refer to her by her old name. This meeting wasn’t going anywhere near how she hoped it was. She just wanted to go home. She tried chanting the word “home” in her head over and over again, but she couldn’t leave. Tears began to enter her eyes and stream down her cheeks.

JUNE: please i just don’t wanna talk about this right now.
JUNE: please.
JUNE: i just wanna go home.

Vriska looked at June with an almost shocked look on her face. She was never the type of person to lay off someone when things were taken too far, but even she couldn’t bring herself to try and force more info out of June anymore than she already had.

VRISKA: Shit.
VRISKA: I’ve never seen you like this 8efore Eg8ert.
VRISKA: Something must really 8e fucking with you. I guess I can’t force you to come out of your shell a8out it all at once.
VRISKA: I’m…
VRISKA: Sorry.
JUNE: wow.
JUNE: thanks.
JUNE: you really have changed out here, huh?
VRISKA: I guess that makes two of us that are going through it, doesn’t it.
VRISKA: I’ve talked to tons of ghosts out in these 8u88les 8efore, 8ut it just didn’t feel the same as talking to someone alive.
VRISKA: I kept wondering how I’d act if I got the chance to see anyone that I actually knew again.
VRISKA: I started fantasizing a8out what I would say to people when I got to see them again.
VRISKA: 8ut then I realized that no one pro8a8ly wants to even talk with me. Not that I can 8lame them of course.
VRISKA: 8eing alone here made me start to actually feel guilty for all of the shitty stuff I've done. Guess this is just me trying to repent.
VRISKA: Goddamn8, I’m acting like that 8itch version of myself.
JUNE: ...it’s ok if you want to be open too vriska.
JUNE: i know you did a lot of bad things but,
JUNE: i don't think you're a fully bad person.
JUNE: so it’s ok if you wanna be vulnerable too.
JUNE: especially if you're trying to make up for some of the shitty stuff you did.
VRISKA: Huh.
VRISKA: Aren’t you just a fuckin poet Eg8ert?
JUNE: heheh, i guess i have a way with words sometimes.
VRISKA: Thanks John.
VRISKA: So do you have any idea a8out how to get out of here yet?
JUNE: nope.
VRISKA: May8e you just need a 8oost or something.
VRISKA: I have zero fucking clue how this crap works, 8ut may8e you aren’t aiming for the right time or something?
JUNE: time…
JUNE: oh duh, of course!
JUNE: no wonder it wasn’t working before, there’s technically no “time” where we are!
JUNE: i wasn’t thinking about what time i would need to show up at!
JUNE: god, i’m really rusty with this, huh? how the hell did i forget something so simple?
JUNE: lemme try again.

June shut her eyes and began to internally chant “home” again, this time imagining what her room would look like at around 9:00 pm. June felt her body tingle with energy. She opened her eyes again and found herself in her now borderline pitch black bedroom once again.

JUNE: hell yes!!!!!!!!
JUNE: w8, shit.

She began repeating Vriska’s name in her head, and reappeared back in the dream bubble, about half a second after she had left.

JUNE: i almost forgot to bring you back with me!
JUNE: here, grab my hand, let’s go.
VRISKA: Nah, it’s ok.
JUNE: huh? why?
VRISKA: I’m w8ing for someone.
VRISKA: The least I could do is stay in one place for a while so she can find me, right?

June smiled softly. Even though she hadn’t explicitly said it, she could tell that the person Vriska wanted to see again the most was Terezi. She wouldn’t steal away her opportunity to be dramatically reunited with her. June saw the way she had reacted when learning Terezi was looking for her. A mixture of excitement, joy, and shock, but also intermingled with a note of embarrassment, like someone who was having an impromptu favor done for them by their crush. Actually, that’s pretty much exactly what was happening. Wait, hold on. Were Vriska and Terezi a thing? Considering Terezi had sacrificed years of her life to find her, Vriska’s obvious crush was most likely reciprocated. Were they a romantic type deal or in one of those “pale” troll relationships? Regardless, June felt like she shouldn’t interfere with the two of them.

JUNE: do you want me to tell her i found you out here?
VRISKA: Hell no!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Are you crazy? We can’t ro8 her of this!
VRISKA: Judging 8y how much older you look, she’s pro8a8ly 8een searching for yeeeeeeeears!
VRISKA: It would kill her if she found out that you got to me first, on accid8nt no less!
JUNE: shoot, yeah. i guess you have a good point.
JUNE: still though, i would feel bad for not at least pointing her in the right direction.
JUNE: she’s been stumbling around out there for years, i don’t know how much more of that she could take.
VRISKA: She’s tougher than she looks John. I’m sure she’ll 8e fine.

June winced again in response to the name Vriska used for her.

JUNE: i suppose i’ll take your word on that.
JUNE: also
JUNE: can you stop calling me that?
VRISKA: What, John?
JUNE: yes.
VRISKA: Why?
JUNE: uhh...

Oh shit oh fuck she wasn’t ready to talk about this yet, why did she say that? She needed to leave.

JUNE: gotta go, sorry 8ye!
VRISKA: Jo- Eg8ert, w8!!!!!!!!

Before Vriska could finish, June had already zapped herself away. She found herself in her bedroom at 9:00 PM once more, making sure to arrive at least a few seconds after she had arrived the first time. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the last remnants of cyan light generated by her past self as she disappeared. She felt lightheaded. How many zaps was that in total? Counting her failed attempt, was it like… 4.5? Christ, she needed sleep. Two days in a row of socializing after not doing so for practically an entire year would be hard for anyone, and retconning herself around the multi-multiverse was certainly not helping. She unsummoned her godly outfit and dove into bed, placing her glasses on her nightstand. Even though it was still early in the evening, June wanted to make sure she was rested enough to see Roxy and Calliope the next day.

June tried to fall asleep again, but still couldn’t stop thinking about Vriska. She was still uncertain why she wasn’t able to tell her about her new name and gender. It felt similar to how it did with Jade and Terezi, but it also felt similar to her regular anxiety when it came to talking to her friends about her problems. The whole thing felt so stupid to her. Sburb had been finished for years, was there still some magical bull crap still affecting her? She had no other way to explain the mental weight in her head. It felt unnatural, and otherwise unrelated to her mental health. Like a curse or something in a JRPG. This thinking was way too much for her right now. She tried to void her head of any thoughts related to Vriska, being a girl, or her inability to tell the former about the latter. Instead, she tried to fall asleep thinking about the fun she was gonna have with Roxy and Callie tomorrow. Who did Roxy say Calliope played in Smash Bros again? Captain Falcon? And what was that technique she mentioned? Ledge running? She scanned her mind and tried to find any memories of Roxy explaining that maneuver, or any other advanced smash bros skills. Maybe falling asleep thinking about this will make her better at the game.

With visions of plumbers, elf boys, and elemental creatures in her head, she began to drift off to sleep. Her Ganondorf was gonna go crazy. Wait, Ganondorf? Was that who she played as a kid? That’s what she remembered, but that… didn’t seem right. She didn’t wanna play as him, she wanted to play as Zel-

JUNE: zzzzz...

Chapter Text

Like on most of mornings, June awoke to the sound of birds chirping on the tree branch outside her window. She stirred and groaned until she was finally able to convince herself to sit up and grab her glasses and phone. As her phone slowly turned on, she looked out her window. It was already bright out, with the sun still low in the sky. Roxy had told her she was able to come over whenever. Maybe she could head out as soon as she showered and changed. Her phone confirmed her suspicions, it was already 10:30 AM. She opened Pesterchum and saw Roxy had messaged her earlier in the morning.

–tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 09:36
TG: morning egg head
TG: lol
TG: callie n i got the place all spruced up for ya
TG: lemme know when ur ready to come over n ill get u over here
–tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 09:37
–ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 10:32
GT: hey roxy! i just woke up. let me shower and stuff then i’ll be right over! :)
TG: hehehe morning john ill see u in a bit
–ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 10:33

June sighed as she realized she would have to deal with another day of being called by her old name ad nauseum. God, she really hated that stupid fucking name. Crazy what changing a single vowel sound can do. She lifted her glasses and rubbed the tiredness out of her eyes again. In a maneuver that consumed much of her willpower, she swung her legs in an arch and flung herself out of bed. She grabbed a change of clothes from her closet and walked to the bathroom. Before entering, June took a deep breath as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. As she did on most mornings, she looked like an absolute wreck. Her hair was a complete mess and much to her dismay, she noticed a considerable amount of stubble on her neck and upper lip. She cringed at what she was looking at. She’d have to deal with this quickly. Faster than she ever had before, she slathered as much shaving cream on her face as she could, and began to quickly swipe the razor past the surface of her skin. The small cuts and nicks were infinitely more bearable than having to look at her unshaved face for any longer. Actually, she’d rather not have to look at her face at all. She removed her glasses and let her view of her reflection blur. Much better. As she had the day before, she brushed her teeth and turned on the shower as fast as possible. She shut her eyes and undressed, and stepped into the shower, almost tripping on the way in. She opened her eyes again. As much as she hated to admit it, having to look down at her body would be better than suffering serious head trauma. She looked down at her body as she reached for the bottle of shampoo. Something she had never noticed before caught her attention. No wonder Kanaya had given her those pants to go with that dress, her legs were extremely hairy. June winced and sighed. This would just have to be another thing she added to the list she started yesterday.

She did her best to expedite the process of washing and subsequently drying herself. She swung a plain white shirt over her head, and returned her glasses to her face to search the floor for the underwear and shorts she laid out for herself. Fully dressed, she retrieved her wallet and keys and walked outside. She wasn’t fully sure how she was going to get to Roxy and Calliope’s home, but she assumed the two had something worked out. For now however, she simply wished to just feel the breeze and catch her breath for a moment. Like the two days before, the weather was uncharacteristically pleasant for early April. In less than two weeks she would be turning 21 years old. June never really felt all that happy on her birthdays. They were just reminders of her growing older, a thought that always terrified her. Even though she was essentially immortal now, she still dreaded watching her appearance change. Until yesterday with Kanaya, June had felt her reflection become more and more alien to her as the years passed. Perhaps this hormone regimen Kanaya told her about could aid in her self-alienation. Or was it already too late? What if she was already too old and developed to ever be able to see a girl in the mirror? Would she have to just look at the face of John Egbert forever?

JUNE: breathe…

June allowed the light gusts around her to enter her body. She was the wind. She was the incarnation of breath. She was free. June felt her body begin to feel lighter, her form partially merging with the breeze. She took deep breaths in and out, with the air produced becoming a part of her again. She materialized herself again, and allowed herself to feel the (now bearable) weight of herself once more. She was going to be okay. Even though June wasn’t the greatest at managing her depression, being able to rescue herself from breaking down was a gift she never took for granted. She pulled out her phone to message Roxy. It was about time for her to get going anyway.

–ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 11:16
GT: hey roxy! I’m getting ready to leave, but i’m not really sure how i’m supposed to get there?
GT: don’t you live close to the east coast? I don’t think i can fly that far honestly! even with my breath powers!
GT: should I take a flight or something?
TG: hehehehehe, dont worry john i got a cool trick to show you
TG: where r u rn?
GT: just outside my front door.
TG: hmm ok
TG: gimme a sec i need to focus for a moment
GT: okaaaaaaaay?

June looked away from her phone. She wondered what Roxy was plotting. Before she even had a chance to theorize what it was she was doing, the scenery around her changed. It now appeared to be later in the day, and the weather was much more overcast. She seemed to be in some sort of regal and well kept garden. She looked behind her and jumped in shock. She was standing in front of a castle. A literal medieval castle. Maybe not quite as big, but still absolutely gorgeous and imposing. She felt her phone buzz in her hand.

TG: did it work
GT: what did you do?
GT: i’m standing in front of a literal castle right now!
GT: wait, is this where you live????????
TG: hehe yep. ill let u in.
TG: the front door should be unlocked now

June approached the castle and found a surprisingly normal looking front door in the middle of the dark pink bricks the castle was made of. She opened the door, not able to stand the suspense of what was on the other side. She was shocked to see that inside was…

A pretty standard looking apartment lobby. Was this place really just an apartment building? Mailboxes lined the hallway, with three elevators next to each other at the end. June approached them and entered the middle one. She looked over the buttons. There seemed to be floors numbered 1-20, but above them was a button that didn’t have a number on it at all. It was a larger button that only featured scribbles of Roxy and Callie’s faces. June giggled and pressed the button. This place was weird. It absolutely screamed Roxy. The elevator dinged and the door opened. June was shocked at how quick the elevator was. She once again found herself in a short hallway with a fancy door at the end. She raised her hand to knock, but before she could, the door opened. She looked down and saw Calliope standing on the other side.

CALLIOPE: hello john! ^u^ it’s so lovely to see yoU again!
JUNE: callie! its good to see you too!
CALLIOPE: please come in! roxy is setting Up the wii as we speak!

The cherub stepped to the side and gestured for June to come in. No matter how often June saw Callie, she was still always in shock at her appearance. Trolls were similar enough to humans, but cherubs were on a whole other level to her. She had never seen Callie dressing this casual before either. She was wearing a loose white shirt that was probably several sizes too large, and a pair of black basketball shorts. June figured that she and Roxy really didn’t have much planned outside of video games for the day. June looked around the apartment as she entered. She was shocked at the harsh difference between the regal and medieval exterior of the building, and the hip and otherwise modern looking living room. It wasn’t much different from her own structurally, but Roxy’s style was reflected heavily in the interior design. The ceiling was draped in pinkish fairy lights, and a number of paintings depicting cats and wizards lined the walls. In addition to the paintings, June noticed an odd striped tapestry. This seemed strangely different than Roxy’s usual style. Perhaps it was something Callie hung up? Next to the rightmost wall, June saw an empty TV stand with a decently sized T.V sitting on the floor next to it. Roxy was nowhere to be seen.

JUNE: uhh, did your tv fall over or something callie?
JUNE: also where’s roxy?
ROXY: hhhnnnnggg im right here

June turned her attention to the hallway on the other side of the room and saw Roxy carrying in a thick CRT TV. At least she assumed it was Roxy, the giant screen obscured the entire upper half of her body.

ROXY: everybody outta the goddamn way
ROXY: i got an armful of TV, a brain full of melee tech and a heart full of desire 2 reunite w a friend i havent seen in ages
JUNE: shit! do you want some help with that roxy?
ROXY: nah i got this

June followed the directions given to her and stepped to the side as Roxy stumbled past and placed the CRT on the TV stand. She wiped her forehead and turned around.

ROXY: phew
ROXY: the things i do for low input delay
ROXY: also hi john

June found herself unable to respond to Roxy. Unlike all of the other friends she had reunited with recently, something about Roxy seemed different. Her hair was a lot shorter and cut very differently than it had been the last time she had seen her, and her outfit seemed to be oddly different from the sort of style she would normally recognize her with. It honestly reminded her of Jake a bit. She was wearing a loose white tank top featuring a pink cat on the front, covered by an open dark blue button down. June wasn’t really the type to notice things like this, but something else caught her eye. Her chest looked completely flat. June knew it had been a long time since she had seen Roxy, but she remembered her being at least… somewhat bigger in that area. Did something happen?

JUNE: h-hi roxy!
JUNE: gosh, its been so long, i almost didn’t recognize you, haha.
ROXY: u couldnt recognize me?
ROXY: john
ROXY: i should be saying that to you.
ROXY: ur fucking hair
ROXY: is fucking incredible omg
ROXY: u look so diff its crazy
JUNE: oh, uhh haha yeah! same to you!
JUNE: your new hair looks nice too!
ROXY: haha thanks
ROXY: dirk and jake hooked me up with the place they go to get their hair cut

June heard the sound of an oven dinging.

ROXY: ooh sounds like the chicken strips are done hell yeah
ROXY: callie can u finish setting up the wii while i go get those
CALLIOPE: sUre thing!

Roxy left the room once more as Calliope began to pull out a number of wires and a game console from beneath the TV, hooking them up with a level of speed she had never witnessed before from the cherub.

JUNE: wow, roxy looks a lot different.
CALLIOPE: mhm! they got that haircUt a coUple months ago and haven’t been able to stop talking aboUt it since! They’re extremely happy with how it tUrned oUt.
JUNE: not just that, it honestly feels like she gives off a whole new vibe honestly.
JUNE: in a good way i mean.
CALLIOPE: she?
JUNE: huh?
CALLIOPE: oh dear.
CALLIOPE: i don’t think they ever got aroUnd to telling yoU.
JUNE: telling me what?
ROXY: alright mfs who wants tendies

Roxy returned to the living room with two large plates full of chicken strips in her hands. She placed them on a table between the sofa and the TV.

CALLIOPE: roxy, i think there’s something yoU may have neglected to tell john aboUt.
ROXY: wat?
ROXY: oh wait FUCK
ROXY: ur right i did forget to tell him
JUNE: what did you forget to tell me?
ROXY: alright john
ROXY: i know that u n janey both grew up in a pretty conservative town so idk how much ull be able to understand this
ROXY: but im nonbinary now

June stared at Roxy confused. She really wasn’t able to comprehend what she had just said to her. What the hell did that mean?

ROXY: judging by the look on ur face im guessing u have 0 fucking clue what i just said
JUNE: yeah, i don’t know what that means, i’m sorry.
JUNE: it sounds cool though!
ROXY: correct its xtremely fucking cool
ROXY: ok so
ROXY: it pretty much means
ROXY: i dont wanna be a girl
ROXY: or a guy either

June was shocked at what she was hearing. This sounded a lot like what she was going through. Was she transgender too? Did that count? June realized that she should probably correct what pronoun she used for her friend though.

JUNE: gooooooootcha.
JUNE: that’s neat!
JUNE: so i shouldn’t call you “she” anymore then?
ROXY: nope
ROXY: i use they/them
ROXY: gender neutral baybeee
JUNE: i guess that explains the hair and the clothes then.
ROXY: mhm
ROXY: i look sick as fuck now
ROXY: not that i didnt look sick before
ROXY: just not in the way i vibed with
JUNE: i seeeeeeee
JUNE: so are you transgender then?
ROXY: woah im surprised you even know what that word means
ROXY: yeah i suppose i am
ROXY: honestly not something i thought much about tbh

Roxy was like her then. She honestly didn’t expect another one of her friends to be like her. Maybe Roxy was someone she could open up to as well? June glanced over at Callie, who was still setting up the TV as Roxy gave their explanation. Maybe this could wait until later. June could tell that her two friends were excited to finally see her again.

ROXY: ready to get ur ass kicked john
ROXY: callie knows her shit now
JUNE: i guess i’ll try my best anyways?
CALLIOPE: wonderfUl mentality to have john!
CALLIOPE: here, hand me your controller cable and i’ll plUg it in.
JUNE: oh uhh i didn’t bring a controller.
JUNE: i forgot to grab it before i came out here.
JUNE: by the way roxy, how did you even do that?
ROXY: oh the teleporty thing?
ROXY: its a cool trick rose helped me figure out
ROXY: my powers let me steal and redistribute nothingness, right
JUNE: ok…
ROXY: i stole the nothingness between us from you lol
ROXY: mine now lmaoooo
JUNE: but there’s no nothingness between us, there’s plenty of stuff!
ROXY: ahh but u see johnny
ROXY: how much of that stuff is like
ROXY: actually important
ROXY: to u that is
JUNE: i guess none of it?
ROXY: xactly
ROXY: i just yanked that nothingness right on out
JUNE: where’d you put it then?
ROXY: idk lol
ROXY: prob somewhere in outer space
ROXY: whenever u wanna go home i can just yoink it back and give it back to u
ROXY: speaking of do u want me 2 do that so u can get a controller
JUNE: sure!
ROXY: aight here goes

Roxy wiggled their fingers and clasped their hands together, rubbing them as if they were scrubbing them. They took a deep breath and extended their closed fist towards June. As soon as they opened them, June was in front of her house again. June was in awe at the cleverness it probably took to come up with the idea to do that. She ran into her house and grabbed one of the purple controllers sitting on her couch.

About 30 seconds later, Roxy teleported her back. The three of them plugged in their controllers, as Roxy gazed at the screen with an analytical eye, occasionally looking away to pick up a chicken tender. They seemed curious to assess both June’s initial skill level, and also how much Callie had improved. They booted up the disc, and entered the character select screen.

ROXY: alright you two, go nuts
JUNE: aren’t you gonna play?
ROXY: nah ill just take the losers spot next game n well just rotate after that
JUNE: gotcha
ROXY: u said u play ganon right john?
JUNE: uhh i guess so
JUNE: i don’t know if i really wanna play him though…
ROXY: oooh shit ur switchin mains
ROXY: to who
JUNE: umm...

June nervously scrolled over to Zelda’s name on the grid of characters.

ROXY: yooo sheik
ROXY: thats hype
JUNE: i think i’d rather just play zelda actually.
ROXY: lol good one
JUNE: i’m not joking though.
ROXY: wait fr
ROXY: why tho
JUNE: i just think she’s…
JUNE: cool, i guess?
ROXY: mhmmmmmm
ROXY: whatevs, im not gonna judge u for playing zoners
ROXY: or a low tier
CALLIE: goodness! roxy never told me how to play this matchUp before!
ROXY: yeah cuz i figured ud prob never have to actually play against her for more than like 2 seconds
ROXY: idk egbert might be cookin up some crazy shit
JUNE: hehehehe maybe.

Even if it was indirect, June shivered in elation about being called “her” again. She wondered if Roxy felt the same way at being called they or them. Either way, she was gonna start playing female characters in games more often after this. June scrolled through the different colors available. Normally she would’ve picked the soft blue color, but she decided to go with the red one. It reminded her of the dress Kanaya gave her.

Callie selected Captain Falcon, and picked Final Destination for the stage, and the match began.

…

…and ended a little over a minute later. June was… unclear on about ninety percent of what occurred in that match. She wasn’t even aware characters could even move that quickly.

JUNE: how the hell did you do any of that?
JUNE: how did you move so smoothly?
CALLIOPE: have yoU not heard of wavedashing john?
JUNE: maybe?
CALLIOPE: Roxy, mayhaps yoU coUld explain it?
CALLIOPE: It trUly is an incredible trick.
ROXY: yeah sure

Roxy then began to spend the next five minutes explaining to June about the technique of air dodging diagonally into the ground while preserving momentum. Most of the nuance outside of “fast movement go weeeeeeee” was lost on her though.

ROXY: aight lemme show u how a master does it

June removed herself from the game as Roxy added themself in, picking Fox on the character select screen. The two returned to Final Destination once more. This match was certainly proving to be much longer than Callie’s match with June. Despite how close it looked, Roxy always seemed to be one step ahead. They seemed to be on a level even higher than that of Callie. The match eventually ended, with Roxy taking an overwhelming victory.

JUNE: woah…
JUNE: that was nuts!
ROXY: hahaaa thank you
ROXY: practice makes perfect yknow
ROXY: aight ur up again john
JUNE: uh oh

Needless to say, June lost her match against Roxy. And every other match they played after that for the next thirty or so minutes.

CALLIOPE: woUld yoU both excUse me for a moment, i mUst Use the restroom real qUick.
ROXY: yea dont fall in

Callie jumped off the couch and left the room, leaving just June and Roxy. After a few seconds of awkward silence, June pointed at the tapestry hanging on the wall.

JUNE: is that the carapacian kingdom flag?
ROXY: lol what
JUNE: that flag there.
ROXY: no lol what would make u think that?
JUNE: the colors, i figured the yellow and purple stood for prospit and derse, and then the white and black represent the two shell colors.
ROXY: *snort* heh heh heh
ROXY: hahahaha
JUNE: what’s so funny?
ROXY: john thats the nonbinary flag
JUNE: there’s a flag for that?
ROXY: have u never seen a pride flag or something
JUNE: i’ve seen the rainbow one, is there more?
ROXY: here lemme show you

Roxy pulled out their phone and scooted closer to June. They typed some words into Crockle and began to show her the screen.

ROXY: see the rainbow one is for gay dudes
ROXY: the orange and pink ones for lesbians
ROXY: and the pink purple n blue one is for bisexuals
JUNE: what’s this one roxy?
JUNE: the light blue and pink one.
ROXY: thats the trans flag

June thought that one looked familiar. She had seen it in the background of a few of the articles she read yesterday.

ROXY: honesty i think its my fav design wise
ROXY: maybe i should get one
JUNE: m-me too.
JUNE: those colors look nice together.
ROXY: fr fr
JUNE: h-hey roxy?
ROXY: wuzzup johnny

Oh fuck she was doing this now, ok. Welp, no turning back now.

JUNE: i think i might…
JUNE:
ROXY: you might…
JUNE:
JUNE:
ROXY: yo
ROXY: earth c to johnny windsock
ROXY: you in there homie

Goddamnit not this bullshit again! June felt the same weight pressing into her brain again. It bordered on being physically painful. She’d have to find some other way to get out of the rest of this conversation.

JUNE: i think i might uhhh…
JUNE: wanna practice melee more?
JUNE: do you have an extra disk i could borrow?
ROXY: oh
ROXY: i dont
ROXY: those are kinda hard to come by
ROXY: heheh
JUNE: what’s funny now?
ROXY: nothing i just thought you were gonna like
ROXY: tell me something else
ROXY: nevermind tho
JUNE: o-okay.

June felt absolutely dejected. The mental wall around her was preventing her from even telling someone that was like her. She felt like someone had put a curse on her. She began to feel herself panicking, but calmed down at the sight of Calliope entering the room. At least now she could distract herself with the video game again.

CALLIOPE: right-o! are yoU ready to continUe john?
JUNE: y-yeah! let’s go!
JUNE: maybe i’ll try using sheik this time.

The games continued as if nothing before had happened. June continued to get her ass kicked, and Roxy and Calliope continued to kick ass. Despite her lackluster performance, and her incident with Roxy earlier, June was still able to have a nice time. After about another hour of play, one of Roxy and June’s matches was interrupted by the sound of… Dave and Dirk both rapping? Roxy reached into their pocket and pulled out their phone.

ROXY: one sec yall i gotta take this

Roxy walked out with their phone pressed to their ear, with a surprisingly serious expression on their face.

JUNE: official carapacian monarch business?
CALLIOPE: soUnds like it.
CALLIOPE: they only ever look that serioUs when they have to deal with bUreaUcratic nonsense.
JUNE: do you two enjoy doing it?
JUNE: being literal rulers of a full country?
CALLIOPE: i really woUldn’t go as far to say we’re rUlers or anything.
CALLIOPE: to be completely honest, we’re mostly jUst figUreheads.
CALLIOPE: sUre we get to veto things, and get the final say on some decisions, bUt most of the work and leading is done by the senate.
CALLIOPE: i don’t want to bore yoU with more and more political drivel, bUt to answer yoUr qUestion, i do enjoy what i do! ^u^
JUNE: cool!
JUNE: i haven’t talked to her much, but jane seems to enjoy ruling the human kingdom from what i occasionally see on the news.
JUNE: do you know if dirk and jake enjoy their work too?
CALLIOPE: i’m not sUre to be honest.
CALLIOPE: the two never really bring it Up in oUr free time, and the consort kingdom is fairly isolated politically.
JUNE: that sounds like dirk, haha.
CALLIOPE: hehe, very trUe!
JUNE: so um…
JUNE: how’s roxy?
CALLIOPE: how do yoU mean?
JUNE: i-i mean,
JUNE: the whole non binary thing.
JUNE: like how did sheFUCK i mean they,
JUNE: figure it out?
CALLIOPE: john i feel like that is a qUestion that is better asked to Roxy than myself.

Shit, this conversation was going horribly. June didn’t want to know how Roxy figured out they were trans, she wanted to know…

JUNE: how did they tell you?
JUNE: or “come out” i guess.
CALLIOPE: well, i was the first person they told.
CALLIOPE: they jUst walked into the kitchen one afternoon and said,
CALLIOPE: (please mind my less than stellar impression)
CALLIOPE: “hey callie i dont wanna be a girl anymore”
CALLIOPE: and then they simply explained the rest!
CALLIOPE: is there any particUlar reason yoU wanted to know?
JUNE: ah haha i was just uuhhh
JUNE: *gulp* i was just uhh
JUNE: c-curious
CALLIOPE: john are yoU alright?
CALLIOPE: yoU seem to be shaking a bit,
CALLIOPE: also yoUr face is qUite flUshed!
JUNE: n-n-nope! I’m juuuuuuuust fine!

Calliope was right however, June was suddenly overwhelmed by anxiety. She envied what Roxy had done so much. Why couldn’t she do that? Why couldn’t she just spontaneously tell people wanted to be a girl?! What was keeping her from doing that? Goddamnit, why was she this nervous? She couldn’t calm herself down. She couldn’t feel the breeze. Her breath began to feel like it didn’t belong to her. She needed to let something out. She needed to get it out. Get it out Get it out Get it out Get it out Get it out Get it out Get it out GET IT OUT.

CALLIOPE: john?
JUNE: CALLIOPE I WANT TO 8E A GIRL!!!!!!!!

Calliope stared at June in shock as she began to inhale and exhale heavily. Finally, she could breathe again. She had done it. She told someone else. The weight wasn’t there to stop her this time. Calliope must’ve been the only other person she felt comfortable enough to tell, while also not being too close to. Now she just needed to see how Callie would react.

CALLIOPE: yoU do?
JUNE: um…
JUNE: yeah.
JUNE: sorry for shouting it so loud.
CALLIOPE: oh please don’t worry aboUt that john! if that’s what yoU needed to do to get that oUt, i’m very glad yoU did!
JUNE: y-you are?
CALLIOPE: of coUrse i am!
CALLIOPE: when roxy came oUt to me, i tried my hardest to absorb all of the information i coUld aboUt this whole transgender bUsiness!
CALLIOPE: i want nothing more than to be a good friend for those close to me, regardless of what they’re strUggling with!
JUNE: do you really mean that?
CALLIOPE: of coUrse i do joh-
CALLIOPE: oh pardon me, woUld yoU like me to call yoU anything else? assUming yoU’ve already picked something oUt of coUrse.

June felt herself getting choked up. She was so lucky to have such kind and understanding friends. It made her feel even more sad about the lock in her brain keeping her from telling Jade and Terezi. But she could dwell on that later. She should probably hurry up and answer Callie’s question.

JUNE: call me june!
ROXY: wait what did i miss

June felt like her heart stopped. She slowly turned her head around. Roxy was standing at the base of the living room. She felt the weight press into her brain again, heavier than ever, as if her skull was about to split open. The last thing she remembered before losing consciousness was Roxy’s expression. A surprised, but excited smile.

Chapter Text

June didn’t have dreams very often anymore. None of her friends did for that matter. Their dream selves were all dead, and they were infinitely far away from the dream bubbles created by the horror terrors now. (for better or for worse.) Before the events of Sburb, June hated her dreams, perpetually plagued by nightmares. Now though, the chronic nightmares had decreased in frequency somewhat, most likely because of the death of her Prospitian self.

June was standing in the middle of a medieval colosseum. The sky was dark and moonless, preventing her from being able to see what resided outside the bounds of the arena. She looked down and saw she was wearing her God Tier outfit, but with one crucial difference. Her pajama-like pants were replaced with a mid length, frilled, blue skirt, the same color as the rest of her outfit. She jumped in surprise, and began to cover her legs with her arms, but to no avail. She continued to panic, and tried to find somewhere to hide, but before she could, the spectator seats were suddenly lit up by an unseen light source, leaving June no time to move. She scanned the now illuminated crowd, terrified by what she saw. The colosseum was mostly empty, except for the presence of a few scattered people, who began to chant in completely monotone voices. Voices that she recognized.

KARKAT: JUNE JUNE JUNE.
JAKE: June june june.
DAVE: june june june
TEREZI: JUN3, JUN3, JUN3
JANE: June, June, June.
ROSE: June, June, June.
DIRK: June, June, June.

June practically fell to the ground in terror. This couldn’t be happening. How did they all know her name? How were they all here? Where the hell even was she? Someone had to have set her up. June tried to organize her thoughts, but couldn’t through the wall of sound assaulting her mind. There were only seven people watching her, but they were making a whole stadium;s worth of sound. Still, there was one section of the stands that remained unlit. Something in June’s head told her she could escape there. Unable to force herself back to her feet, she dragged herself across the sand towards the darkened area, as the chanting continued mercilessly. She was only a few feet away when the light engulfed that section too, revealing two people standing next to each other. The two figures joined the chanting.

JADE: june, june, june.
VRISKA: June, June, June.

She tried to scream for help, but her mouth wouldn’t produce any sound. She tried to become the breeze, but was unable to. She tried to retcon herself away, but couldn’t zap herself out. Her horror only continued as Jade and Vriska stepped apart from each other, as a third figure joined. June felt her heart sink as it joined the chanting.

DAD: JUNE, JUNE, JUNE.

No. No no no no no no, why did he have to be there. She was already ashamed of not wanting to be like him, why did he have to personally torment her for it now? Is this what she deserved?

KARKAT: JUNE JUNE JUNE.
JAKE: June june june.
DAVE: june june june
TEREZI: JUN3, JUN3, JUN3
JANE: June, June, June.
ROSE: June, June, June.
DIRK: June, June, June.
JADE: june, june, june.
VRISKA: June, June, June.
DAD: JUNE, JUNE, JUNE.
june, june, june.
KARKAT: JUNE JUNE JUNE.
JAKE: June june june.
DAVE: june june june
TEREZI: JUN3, JUN3, JUN3
JANE: June, June, June.
ROSE: June, June, June.
DIRK: June, June, June.
JADE: june, june, june.
VRISKA: June, June, June.
DAD: JUNE, JUNE, JUNE.
JUNE, JUNE, JUNE.
june, june, june.
JUNE! JUNE! JUNE!

ROXY: JUNE!

June snapped awake, and sat up quickly. She felt herself still shaking. Her breath was heavy and erratic. She quickly looked around her, trying to ascertain where she was. She was lying on a couch, with Roxy and Calliope standing by the opposite side, looking at her with concern.

ROXY: holy shit u mustve really been shaken up
ROXY: r u okay?
JUNE: y-yeah, i’m fine. just a bad dream, that’s all.
JUNE: how long was i asleep for?
CALLIOPE: yoU passed oUt aboUt 30 minutes ago.
CALLIOPE: right after yoU told me yoU want to be called jUne now, remember?

June began to remember what happened again. She had told Calliope just as Roxy came back into the room. She figured the weight in her brain wasn’t very happy about that, and flared up so strongly it caused her to pass out. Despite this though, she still felt surprisingly good about her decision. She had no need to worry about the two of them accepting her, so now that the hard part was over, she felt mostly content.

ROXY: sry if i heard something u didnt want me to hear
ROXY: i know how scary this shit can be
JUNE: no its ok, i should’ve told you anyway.
JUNE: i was just scared to.
ROXY: dw june thats completely normal

June felt her heart skip a beat in response to being called by her name. She hoped that feeling of excitement and validation never left. June sat up properly, and Roxy and Callie took this as a cue to sit down next to her.

ROXY: so how long has it been since ur egg cracked
JUNE: egg cracked?
ROXY: like when did u find out
JUNE: oh, two days ago.
ROXY: r callie n i the only peeps uve told then
JUNE: no, kanaya knows too.
JUNE: she helped me figure it out actually.
ROXY: woah really
ROXY: i wasnt expecting that at all tbh
ROXY: like i had a slight suspicion u were an egg but i didnt expect kanyan 2 be the one 2 make u realize it
JUNE: rose and dave weren’t there and the two of us started talking.
JUNE: one thing led to another and i started venting to her about how crappy i’ve felt for the past year.
JUNE: then she told me what being transgender means, and i realized it…
JUNE: a-applies to me.
ROXY: damn juney thats wild
ROXY: im glad she was able 2 help you
ROXY: clearly even just realizing this is helping u since ur actually getting out of the house again
ROXY: so congrats homegirl
JUNE: th-thank you.
ROXY: aww june u dont need to be so shy about this
ROXY: ur a girl! thats rad! enjoy it!
JUNE: i am?
ROXY: well duh you just said you are
JUNE: i just said that i *want* to be a girl though.
ROXY: juney i have incredible fucking news for you
ROXY: that makes u a girl
JUNE: really? it’s that easy?
ROXY: as far as im concerned if u wanna be a gender then that makes u one
JUNE: are you sure? I haven’t really done anything yet.
ROXY: who cares
ROXY: callie u wanna be a girl right
CALLIOPE: yes indeed i do!
ROXY: bam shes a girl then
ROXY: why should u be any different just because u were born with different junk
ROXY: everyone might not agree with me on how this works but i think gender is bs anyway
JUNE: i seeeeeeee.
JUNE: well i’m not sure i fully understand everything you just said, but thanks i guess!
ROXY: no prob girl
JUNE: (hehe)
ROXY: hm
JUNE: i just…
JUNE: feel really happy right now.
JUNE: about being a g-
JUNE: b-being a g-
ROXY: cmon june get it out
ROXY: i believe in u
CALLIOPE: indeed jUne, say it!
JUNE: I FEEL REALLY HAPPY A8OUT 8EING A GIRL!!!!!!!!
JUNE: hahahaha!
ROXY: omg
ROXY: june im so proud of you
CALLIOPE: congrats jUne!

June had never felt this joyful in her life. Her discovery with Kanaya felt like just a prelude to the happiness she felt now. She hoped she could feel like this all the time. The elation she was experiencing now made her even more disappointed that she couldn’t tell Jade or Terezi. However, this gave June a sudden spur of the moment idea.

JUNE: thanks so much you two.
JUNE: hey, callie?
CALLIOPE: yes jUne?
JUNE: you’re pretty smart when it comes to sburb junk, right?

Roxy and Calliope both gave June a confused and surprised look.

CALLIOPE: yes, bUt why do yoU ask?
ROXY: do u think sburb transed ur gender or somethin
JUNE: kinda the opposite actually.
JUNE: ever since i came out to kanaya, i’ve been getting this weird feeling whenever i try to tell anyone else.
JUNE: except for calliope.
JUNE: i tried telling jade and terezi yesterday and for whatever reason no words would come out of my mouth.
JUNE: i also felt like there was this weird weight pressing on my brain or something.
ROXY: thats pretty normal june
ROXY: anxiety can be a bitch but thats completely natural
JUNE: that’s the thing though, it didn’t feel natural.
JUNE: i deal with regular anxiety, but this felt completely different from that.
JUNE: the weight in my head i mentioned felt real.
JUNE: i mean that literally.
JUNE: it feels like i’m cursed or something.
JUNE: and since sburb made us deal with a bunch of super natural crap, i maybe thought callie might know something about it?

Roxy and Calliope both looked at June with concern. She began to worry that she said something she shouldn't have and completely ruined the moment. She really needed to stop being so spontaneous. She glanced over at Calliope again and noticed that she seemed to be in deep thought.

CALLIOPE: a cUrse…
CALLIOPE: that does remind me of something.
JUNE: it does?
CALLIOPE: when i still shared a body with my brother, i had a joUrnal in my possession that contained mUch information aboUt a variety of sUbjects related to sbUrb.
CALLIOPE: however i no longer have access to it now u~u
CALLIOPE: bUt what yoU were talking aboUt does soUnd familiar!
CALLIOPE: i’ll have to think more aboUt it, bUt i might be able to try and remember something!
JUNE: really? wait, couldn’t roxy just recreate the book with their powers like they did with the troll egg thing?
ROXY: tried it before
ROXY: didnt work
ROXY: theres some weird like
ROXY: extra nothingness surrounding it
ROXY: like too much nothingness for me to steal
CALLIOPE: yes it is qUite bizarre.
CALLIOPE: terribly sorry i coUldn’t help yoU jUne.
JUNE: no it’s totally ok!
JUNE: honestly i’m surprised you even had a vague idea of what i was talking about!
CALLIOPE: hehe thank yoU, i do like to consider myself well read. ^u^
CALLIOPE: if i remember anything else i will be sUre to tell yoU!
JUNE: thanks callie :)
ROXY: alright then nerds what do u wanna do now
ROXY: im tired of smashy bros
JUNE: do you have any other games you wanna play roxy?
ROXY: june imma be real
ROXY: im super fuckin happy for u rn
ROXY: and we gotta do somethin to celebrate
CALLIOPE: yes i agree!
CALLIOPE: even thoUgh yoU didn’t realize it today, this is yoUr first time actUally opening Up aboUt it after figUring it oUt!
CALLIOPE: and that is absolUtely worth celebrating!
JUNE: awwww you guys don’t have to do that!
ROXY: nah fuck that were taking u out for dinner
ROXY: or fuck, we could just order in if you want
ROXY: u can splurge on w/ever the fuck u want its on us
ROXY: wait a second i have a great fucking idea
JUNE: hm?
ROXY: wait here

Roxy got up and left the room. Calliope turned her attention to shutting off the TV that June only just noticed was still on. She still couldn’t believe that had gone so well. It almost felt too easy. With Kanaya, she had to do the work of realizing it herself before she told her. With Roxy and Callie all she had to do was tell them she wanted to be a girl, and they instantly accepted and congratulated her for it. Would everyone she told end up being this understanding? Before her thoughts could continue to spiral, Roxy returned to the room.

JUNE: what was that about?
ROXY: just sending an invite
ROXY: they should be here any minute n-

*knock knock knock*

ROXY: oh ok i guess she’s here now

Roxy opened the front door, only to find no one on the other end.

*knock knock knock*

ROXY: oh its him lol
JUNE: who?

Roxy shut the door again and walked back towards the center of the living room. June noticed something peculiar that she hadn’t seen before. A small square shaped dent in the ceiling with a string hanging from it. Roxy pulled on it and the square swung open. A tall and muscular figure dressed in a tank top and sweatpants gracefully jumped down from the ceiling.

DIRK: Sup.
ROXY: hi
CALLIOPE: hello dirk!

Dirk Strider calmly walked past Roxy and went down the hallway to the kitchen. Was this a normal occurrence? Did Dirk live in their attic?

JUNE: did you invite him roxy?
ROXY: nah he just drops in sometimes
DIRK: Jake needed ketchup.
DIRK: He’s been working on his cooking skills and it’s hamburger night.
DIRK: Sorry, excuse me.
DIRK: “Jakeburger” night.

Sure enough, Dirk walked back into the living room with a bottle of Crocker brand ketchup in his hand.

DIRK: Have you not seen Jake’s transportalizer system John?
DIRK: Dude’s had that set up for like six months now.
JUNE: oh i haven’t really been out and about for a while.
DIRK: Oh shit my bad.
DIRK: That was absurdly uncool and insensitive of me.
DIRK: I’m glad you’re out doing stuff again.
DIRK: Super good to see you.
DIRK: Speaking of, what are you nerds up to?
CALLIOPE: we were playing sUper smash bros!
DIRK: That’s fuckin’ sick.
DIRK: I wish I could stick around and play but I need to smuggle this condiment back to New-Neo-Cuba.
DIRK: That isn’t a joke by the way, that’s what Jake decided to name the capital for some reason.
DIRK: Actually, one thing before I go,
DIRK: John?
JUNE: hm?
DIRK: Do you want to come on me and Jake’s talk show sometime next week?
DIRK: We’ve been having a lot of special guests on, and I think it would be cool to have someone more personal next time.

This offer surprised June. Aside from conversing with Terezi, watching Jake and Dirk’s show was the only interaction she had with her friends, in spite of the ladder's one sidedness. “The Prince and the Page” was one of Earth C’s most popular shows, and a bizarre one at that. It was like if The Eric Andre Show was turned into an actual talk show, with the surreal skits still left intact. On one hand, June was terrified to be on television in front of so many people. Even before her long period of isolation she would be. On the other hand though, she felt like appearing on the show would be a great way of reconnecting with more of her friends. That trade off felt good to June. Even if she wouldn’t be out of the closet by then, appearing on TV would be a great way for her to announce to the world that she was back. She wanted to feel proud that she wasn’t cooped up in her house feeling sorry for herself. This was an offer she absolutely could not turn down.

JUNE: sure! sounds fun!
JUNE: you guys film live right? should I show up on friday morning?
DIRK: We already have this week’s episode planned out, so we were thinking about having you on the show on the eleventh. I can send you a transportalizer to our place through the mail. That sound good to you?
JUNE: that works for me!
DIRK: Awesome. Can’t wait to see you again.
DIRK: Rox, Callie, thanks for the ketchup.
ROXY: lol no prob weirdo
CALLIOPE: bye dirk!
DIRK: Later guys.

In a flash, Dirk backflipped back through the hole in the ceiling, and shut the trap door behind him. June heard a faint zap sound as he transportilized himself away.

ROXY: sry about dirk
JUNE: huh? what about him?
ROXY: yknow having to hear your deadname
ROXY: even though i dont have one i know that sucks
JUNE: huh? oh you mean him calling me john.
JUNE: it’s ok, it’s not like he knew or anything.
JUNE: it doesn’t bother me that much.
ROXY: juney you can tell me if it does
ROXY: cause it looks like it.
JUNE:
ROXY:
JUNE: alright, you got me.
JUNE: it fucking sucks :(
ROXY: i know :(
ROXY: if you ever want me or callies help coming out to anyone just ask ok
ROXY: i promise you well do everything we can to help
JUNE: thanks.

*ding dong*

ROXY: cool shes here fr this time

Roxy once again walked to the door. This time however, someone actually was on the other side. June’s face lit up when she saw who it was.

KANAYA: Greetings You Three
KANAYA: Lovely To See You Again June

Chapter Text

Kanaya leaned down and removed her boots after walking inside. June noticed she was carrying a plain black trashbag, which was promptly placed on the ground near the couch.

ROXY: kanayaaaa my girl how are you
CALLIOPE: kanaya! what a pleasant sUrprise!
KANAYA: It Seems This Sudden Invitation Was A Surprise To Everyone Except For You Roxy
ROXY: lol yeah sorry
ROXY: i thought of the idea like 2 mins ago
JUNE: hi kanaya!
JUNE: what’s the occasion roxy?
ROXY: alrighty juney heres whats gonna happen
ROXY: kan callie n i are givin u a makeover
JUNE: h-huh? you are?
CALLIOPE: we are?
ROXY: yeah why not lol
ROXY: kanaya u brought the goods right
KANAYA: Indeed I Have
ROXY: my first idea was to just give u some random clothes and makeup i dont like anymore but then i remembered u talked to kanaya already
ROXY: so i figured id just invite her over
ROXY: make a day of it yknow
KANAYA: My Schedule Was Open Last Night So I Got Quite A Few Articles Of Clothing Ready For You
KANAYA: I Also Took The Liberty of Bringing A Most Likely Excessive Amount Of Makeup
JUNE: m-make up?

June was intimidated by the offer presented to her. Makeup felt like a big step up compared to clothes. Was that something she was ready for?

KANAYA: We Do Not Have To Use Much If You Feel Intimidated
KANAYA: I Will Not Force You Into The Thick End Of The Communal Sopor Pool
JUNE: yeah i would prefer that.
KANAYA: But You Would Like To Try Some Yes
JUNE: y-yeah.
JUNE: i mean,
JUNE: if you think it can make me look more like a girl, then yeah!
JUNE: im gonna have to try it eventually, right?
KANAYA: Very Well Then
KANAYA: Shall We Get Started Now
JUNE: sure!
ROXY: yep lets go
CALLIOPE: i can’t promise i’ll be the best at this jUne, bUt i’ll still try my best!
JUNE: hehe thanks.
ROXY: aight lemme clear the couch and the table real quick
KANAYA: Actually Before We Get To Makeup I Brought Something Else June Might Find Helpful
JUNE: hm?

Kanaya walked back over to where she dropped her bag earlier. She searched through it, until she produced a large white bottle. June could recognize the Crockercorp logo front and center on it.

JUNE: what’s that kanaya?
KANAYA: Miss Crockers Company Has Begun Expanding Quite A Bit Recently
KANAYA: A Few Months Ago They Started Selling Beauty And Medical Products
KANAYA: This Is One Of Their More Recent Innovations
JUNE: what is it?
KANAYA: It Is An Instant Hair Removal Cream
JUNE: REALLY????!!!!

June almost lunged at Kanaya to have a better look at the bottle. She wanted this even more than she wanted makeup or clothes. Even before coming to her realization two days ago, she hated her facial and body hair. Everything about it felt so wrong to her, a feeling she was now feeling about all parts of her body. Kanaya jumped back a bit in surprise and held out her hand to give June the bottle. She began to parse the words on the front and back. The phrases “FOR USE ANYWHERE!” and “LONG LASTING!” stood out to her the most. Was it really this easy?

ROXY: yeah janeys been makin some cray stuff
ROXY: idk how she does it since we dont have our alchemizing junk anymore
KANAYA: She Is The Richest Person In The History Of Paradox Space
KANAYA: It Is Needless To Say She Has Enough Money To Hire The Best Researchers On The Planet
KANAYA: If Memory Serves I Think She Even Had Jade Working For Her At One Point
JUNE: so, i can really use this everywhere?
KANAYA: It May Sting A Bit But Yes
KANAYA: The Time It Lasts Varies Based On Biological Sex And Species But It Should Last At Least For A Couple Of Weeks
CALLIOPE: that’s incredible!
JUNE: can i use it right now?
ROXY: yeah feel free to hop in the shower
CALLIOPE: here jUne, i’ll show yoU where it is.

Calliope beckoned for June to follow her down the hallway, finally affording her the opportunity to see more of the apartment. The kitchen and dining room were both right around the corner, and at the end were two open doors that presumably led to Roxy and Calliope’s bedrooms. Calliope stopped halfway through and pointed to a door on June’s left.

CALLIOPE: here yoU are!
CALLIOPE: take all the time yoU need!
CALLIOPE: jUst be sUre to not get any of it on the hair yoU want to keep!
JUNE: will do!

Calliope turned and walked back down the hall. June nervously stepped into the bathroom. It was incredibly spacious, practically twice the size of her own house’s master bathroom. She closed and locked the door behind her as she looked at the bottle of cream in her hands again. Her eyes scanned the instructions on the bottle. It said to simply apply a light coating of the cream to any area of the body and allow it to sit for at least 5 minutes. At that point it was safe to simply rinse off. She glanced over at the shower. She wasn’t looking forward to having to deal with this crap again. Sighting heavily, she began to strip as quickly as she could. Before she began to apply the cream though, she reached into a pocket in her discarded pants. She removed a black hair tie, and used it to put her hair into an extremely messy ponytail. The warning Calliope had given her made her wish to take extra precautions. She hated how she looked with her hair back though. She felt like it made her look like a neckbeard Gamestop employee. She carefully squeezed some of the contents of the bottle in her right hand and rubbed it across her chest and torso, repeating the process for her legs and arms, blessing whatever part of her genetics made her only 5’7. If she was any taller there probably wouldn’t have been enough of the stuff to cover her.

With her task complete, she began to wait. She turned in the opposite direction of the mirror, and looked up at the ceiling to avoid having to stare at herself. Despite how happy she was about coming out to her friends, she still felt odd about calling herself a woman. A large part of her felt like she didn’t deserve to call herself one. Would a real woman have to do this stuff? Did they need elaborate hair removal creams and hormone regimens? They certainly didn't need others to teach them how to be a woman, they simply just were, with no ifs ands or buts. There was so much she felt like she needed to do, and even if she did all of it she still wouldn’t fully be a woman. June sighed heavily again as the dysphoric thoughts seemed to drown out the otherwise burning sensation across her whole body. She couldn’t take this anymore, it had been about five minutes already. She switched on the shower and stepped in. The cool water instantly counter-acted the searing discomfort on her skin. She couldn’t help but cautiously glance down at herself. To her shock, she saw a large amount of black hairs falling to the shower floor and slowly congregating down the drain. The cream had worked like a charm. She lifted up an arm and rubbed it with her opposite hand.

JUNE: holy shit.

Completely hairless. June smiled as she crouched down and rubbed her legs. Like her arms, they were completely smooth. Her heart practically backflipped in her chest. It felt incredible. She looked down at the pile of hair beneath her. Fortunately, it was beginning to slowly make its way down the drain. She really hoped it wouldn’t clog. She kneeled down and placed her hand over the hole in the floor. Gently, she summoned a breeze, hoping it would make the hairs flow down at least a bit faster. She turned around and faced away from the downpour of water, allowing her lower back and the backs of her arms and legs to also be rinsed off. The hair on those parts of her body joined the rest at the bottom of the drain. For the first time in ages June felt clean. Her body hair always felt foreign to her. She knew deep down all along that it didn’t belong on her skin. She felt lighter, and more comfortable. Maybe that hormone replacement therapy would be useful after all. If doing something as simple as this was able to bring her so much joy, then there would be no telling what changing her actual body would do.

June shut off the water and stepped out onto a bath mat. She shuddered and quickly dried herself off, trying her hardest to get the now soaked hair tie out of her hair. She reclothed and stepped back into the hallway, making her way towards the living room. She entered with a large grin, no longer burdened by her dysphoric thoughts.

JUNE: kanaya, it worked!
KANAYA: I Am So Pleased
ROXY: daaaamn girl ur legs look smooth af
JUNE: hehehehe thank you
KANAYA: I Would Have Been Very Upset If It Did Not Work
KANAYA: That Bottle Was Quite Expensive
JUNE: really? how much was it?
KANAYA: Expensive Enough For Me To Only Buy It For A Friend In Desperate Need For It
KANAYA: But Please Do Not Worry About That June
KANAYA: I Am Incredibly Happy It Was Effective
CALLIOPE: how does it feel jUne?
JUNE: incredible!
JUNE: it’s hard to describe it but i feel way more comfortable i guess?
JUNE: like i feel like i should've felt like this my whole life!
ROXY: its a rad feeling
ROXY: i felt the same way when i binded my tits for the first time
ROXY: u feel more like ur self
JUNE: yeah, exactly!
KANAYA: Fortunately For You June I Have Much More Here That Will Hopefully Make You Feel The Same
ROXY: yea me 2
JUNE: you’re talking about makeup right?
KANAYA: Correct
JUNE: ooh okay.
JUNE: oh jeez.
CALLIOPE: what’s wrong jUne?
JUNE: nothing, i just feel a bit nervous about trying it.
CALLIOPE: that soUnds completely normal to me!
KANAYA: Yes It Can Be Very Overwhelming At First
KANAYA: It Is A Lot Of Information To Take In
KANAYA: But I Am Sure You Will Be Able To Do It Proficiently With A Bit Of Practice
JUNE: that’s really reassuring. thanks kanaya :)
KANAYA: Would You Like To Start Now Then
JUNE: y-yeah. let’s do this.
KANAYA: Let Me Go Retrieve My Tools Then
ROXY: yea me too

Roxy ran down the hallway towards their bedroom as Kanaya leaned down to search her bag again. She removed multiple implements from it. June was able to recognize a number of brushes and not much else. She grabbed a variety of things that she assumed would be applied to her face, but what stuff went where was a mystery to her. Roxy walked back to the living room just as Kanaya finished gathering her things.

ROXY: u ready to get started june
JUNE: i guess so, yeah!
JUNE: should i just sit on the couch?
ROXY: yea sure
ROXY: for the future tho ur gonna wanna sit or stand somewhere u can use a mirror
ROXY: but since the three of this r gonna do it for u ur good
JUNE: got it.
KANAYA: I Will let You Two Get Started
KANAYA: I Doubt June Would Benefit Much From Gray Foundation
ROXY: lol yeah
ROXY: june ur skin looks close enough to mine i think we should be good
ROXY: smidge darker but its no biggy
ROXY: so
ROXY: what r we doin today then
JUNE: what do you mean?
ROXY: what kinda look do u want
JUNE: oh uhh,
JUNE: i guess something kinda casual?
ROXY: cool that works
ROXY: u dont read like someone who wears a bunch of makeup to me tbh
ROXY: yknow like Jade or Callie
CALLIOPE: i UnfortUnately can't wear makeUp at all.
CALLIOPE: there really isn’t anything that yoU can apply jUst to a skUll. u~u
ROXY: hm true
ROXY: maybe we should get janey to make that
JUNE: yeah i guess i never really noticed that jade doesn’t wear much.
JUNE: i guess i really don’t notice makeup in general.
JUNE: unless it’s something really out there like vriska’s lol.
ROXY: fr i dont get that girl
ROXY: she has the craziest look ever but always dresses like a hobo
ROXY: which is super cool but its a weird combination
JUNE: hehe yeah.
JUNE: i really dig her style actually.
ROXY: o yea?
JUNE: yeah i think it just looks cool!
JUNE: i wanna be cool like she is, you know? she always seems so confident in herself, and i wanna be able to be like that too!
ROXY: fuck yeah
CALLIOPE: for what it’s worth jUne, i think yoU’re qUite cool!
JUNE: aww hehe thanks.
ROXY: alright normally we would start by moisturizing ur face n junk, but its not a huge deal
ROXY: were gonna start with some foundation and concealer n ill let kanyan handle ur eyes
ROXY: i can explain pretty much everything we do once we get it all on ya
JUNE: ok, sounds good!

Roxy unscrewed a bottle of liquid similar in shade to their skin tone and began to get to work. June tried her best to not recoil in response to Roxy’s hands in her face. She never used skincare products, and rarely applied sunscreen, so the cold feeling on her face was very alien to her. Roxy, Calliope, and Kanaya would occasionally comment to each other about ideas for June’s “look” but most of what they described went over her head. After a few minutes, Roxy stepped back to fully examine their work.

ROXY: damn ur lookin cute already fr
ROXY: not that u already werent before of course
JUNE: really? i’m not even sure what you did.
ROXY: Basically just laid the groundwork yknow
ROXY: cover up acne n junk
ROXY: and just make ur entire face a more consistent tone yknow
ROXY: kan u said u knew some cool technique u wanted to try on her?
KANAYA: Yes
KANAYA: I Know I Said We Would Start Off Slow However I Learned Of A Trick That May Work Wonders For You
JUNE: uhh,
JUNE: i mean i guess i’m already sitting here.
KANAYA: Worry Not It Is Very Non Invasive
KANAYA: I Am Going To Do Something Called Contouring Your Face
JUNE: what does that mean?
KANAYA: Essentially Making Use of Makeup To Change How The Angles Of Your Face Look
KANAYA: I Put Some Research In The Other Day And It Can Be Very Helpful For Transgender Women
JUNE: well, i guess if it’ll work well for me specifically, go ahead.

Roxy stepped out of the way as Kanaya took their place. She worked at the same pace as Roxy did. As much as June wanted to see what she looked like in the reflection of a mirror, she felt nervous to ask for one. It was the same feeling that she had when first offered a dress by Kanaya. Extremely intense desire matched by fear. She was scared that she would see herself, and have her dysphoric thoughts from earlier proved correct. But on the other hand, she needed to know what she looked like. She couldn’t just live in blissful ignorance, could she?

KANAYA: Splendid It Turned Out Perfectly
CALLOPE: that’s amazing kanaya!
CALLIOPE: how on earth did yoU manage to learn how to do something so amazing that qUickly?
KANAYA: I Have Always Been A Fast Learner
KANAYA: Living With Someone That Talks As Quickly As My Loving Wife Required Me To Further Enhance That Skill
KANAYA: But Regardless I Believe We Can Move On To Her Eye Makeup Now Roxy
KANAYA: If There Was Anything In Particular You Wished To Do
ROXY: nope go nuts
KANAYA: Very Well Then
KANAYA: I Will Do My Best To Hold Up My Promise Of Casual

June watched Kanaya pick up another implement from the table she did not recognize.

KANAYA: Now I Know Doing Work With Your Eyes Seems Scary But I Promise You That You Have Nothing To Fear
KANAYA: Just Make Sure You Sit Still And Do Not Flinch Too Much
JUNE: ah jeez ok.
JUNE: sorry, im just not the best with poke-y things.
JUNE: though i’m sure a good chunk of us aren't, huh?

June instinctively moved her hand close to the area between her stomach and chest. The same part of her body that the blade of Jack Noir had been thrust through. Even though her body had completely healed almost immediately, the sight of the black steel through her chest with her father’s corpse in her peripheral vision was still a fresh wound. Kanaya moved her hand over her gut too. June wasn’t exactly sure what had happened to her, but she knew something had caused her to reawaken as a rainbow drinker.

KANAYA: Yes I Suppose Most Of Us Were Pierced Or Slashed By Something At Some Point Or Another
KANAYA: I Promise You That I Will Be Gentle
KANAYA: I Will Take It Slower Than I Normally Do
JUNE: thanks, that really means a lot.

Keeping true to her promise, Kanaya carefully moved what looked to be a pencil towards June’s face. June took a heavy breath, and calmly shut her eyes. She trusted in her friend’s skills. After a few short minutes, and usage of a few other tools, Kanaya began to speak again.

KANAYA: How Did I Do
CALLIOPE: splendid kanaya, yoU did great!
ROXY: daaaamn girl good shit fr
ROXY: i really dig the more conservative look it looks great on her
KANAYA: Thank You
KANAYA: However June Should Be The One Receiving Most Of the Praise
KANAYA: It Is Her Face You Are Both Gazing At After All
JUNE: hehe
ROXY: yeah june like wtf u were this incredibly pretty this whole time and u didnt tell us?
CALLIOPE: absolUtely! yoU look cUte as a bUtton jUne!
ROXY: frrrrr!!!
JUNE: hehehehehe

June was practically squirming in her seat from the bombardment of compliments she was receiving. She really wasn’t all that used to compliments from friends, especially those regarding her appearance. She had to see what they were seeing.

JUNE: can i see what i look like now?
ROXY: nope we gotta hook u up with a fit now
ROXY: kanaya u said u had somethin in mind
KANAYA: Correct
KANAYA: I Had Enough Time Yesterday To Adapt Some Things I Had Lying Around Into Something Suitable For You June
JUNE: really? that quickly?
KANAYA: Like I Said I Am Very Fast
KANAYA: In Addition I Also Brought With Me Some Things I Had Already That You May Enjoy
KANAYA: Let Me Get The Main One I Had In Mind

Kanaya reached over and began to search through the bag again. She picked out three things and brought them over to June.

KANAYA: Here You Go
KANAYA: When Prioritizing What To Make For You I made Sure To Make Note Of Your Requests
JUNE: awesome! thanks so much!
KANAYA: One Thing However
KANAYA: That Skirt Should Be Worn Higher Up On Your Torso Than Mens Pants
KANAYA: Closer To Your
KANAYA: I Believe It Is Called A Belly Button
KANAYA: Forgive Me For Not Fully Remembering The Lesson Rose Gave Me On Human Anatomy
KANAYA: Do Not Think Too Deeply About That Please
ROXY: *snort* lol
KANAYA: And Also Make Sure You Tuck The Shirt Into It Too
JUNE: a skirt?
KANAYA: Yes I Figured I Should Also Expedite Getting You At Least One
KANAYA: Since Your Wardrobe Is Entirely Pants Currently
JUNE: th-thank you.
KANAYA: My Pleasure
ROXY: hurry up n go put it on
CALLIOPE: yes, we’re all dying to see yoU in it!
JUNE: ok!
ROXY: go change in my room so u can’t sneak a peek in the bathroom mirror n spoil the surprise :3

June cradled the stack of clothes close to her chest and ran down the hallway. She found Roxy’s room at the end and shut the door. She took a quick look around. It looked just about how she expected. Similar in style to the living room, but featuring a computer desk, and a rather extravagant bed. June sat her glasses on a nightstand, but before she had a chance to undress, she heard a knock on the door.

ROXY: u naked in there
JUNE: not yet, no.
ROXY: cool

Roxy casually opened the door and walked to the closet, seemingly searching for some sort of article of clothing.

ROXY: i forgor one thing i wanted to give u
JUNE: hm?
ROXY: here catch

They turned around and threw something at June. She (barely) caught it and inspected what it was.

JUNE: hm-gah!!!!!!!!
ROXY: what
JUNE: are you sure i can have this????????
ROXY: sure why not
JUNE: are you sure this isn’t weird?
ROXY: no why would it be
JUNE: because it’s a bra!!!!!!!!
ROXY: yeah who cares
JUNE: i…
JUNE: should i be embarrassed about this?
ROXY: not at all homegirl
ROXY: ur a girl who needs one n i barely use em anymore
ROXY: nothing weird about helpin out a friend
JUNE: i don’t know i just feel…
JUNE: weird.
JUNE: taking this from you.
JUNE: i feel like a creep doing this.
ROXY: aww june please dont worry about that :(
ROXY: idk much of what to tell u here but ur not the first trans woman to ever feel like that.
JUNE: really?
ROXY: lemme ask u somethin
ROXY: do you fully feel like a girl june
JUNE: uhh…
JUNE: i guess not :(
ROXY: well duh no wonder you’d feel weird about it then
ROXY: cuz ur not thinkin of urself as a girl all the way yet
ROXY: it may take some time for u to get used to but i promise ull get there eventually
JUNE: i…i see.
JUNE: thanks roxy.
JUNE: for the advice and for the uhh-
JUNE: hey wait, are you sure this thing will fit me?
ROXY: eh not perfectly
ROXY: but it might help u look a bit bigger up there yknow
ROXY: here one sec

Roxy walked to their closet again and came back with 2 pairs of socks in their hands. They separated them and handed them to June.

ROXY: just stuff these in there once u have it on
ROXY: do u know how to put one on btw
JUNE: i guess not? is it difficult or something?
ROXY: for someone whos never done this before maybe
ROXY: when u put it on, put it on backwards to clasp it then just turn it around n shove ur arms in it
ROXY: not too hard
JUNE: gotcha! thanks!
ROXY: sure thing juney
ROXY: alright ill let u change in peace now

Roxy smiled and left the room, shutting the door behind them. June took a deep breath and placed the items Roxy gave her on the bed. This time without interruption, she undressed down to her underwear. She picked the bra back up and inspected it nervously. There wasn’t much about it that seemed to stand out to her, solid black and modest in size. She flipped it around and began to follow Roxy’s directions. She placed it right below her chest and fastened the hooks. With some difficulty she rotated the undergarment around by a full 180 degrees and swung her arms through the shoulder straps. Wearing it felt… surprisingly natural to her, even though there was quite a bit of space between the cup and her bare chest. She picked up the socks and did as Roxy instructed her, placing two in each side. That seemed to fix the issue somewhat.

June turned her attention to the other clothes she put on the bed. She first picked up the shirt and held it out in front of her. Aside from its size being literally tailor made for her, there was nothing super notable about it. Just a standard green t–shirt in a women’s cut. She lifted her arms above her head and slipped it over her body. The way it fit felt alien to her, but like before with the bra it felt weirdly natural. As if she should have always been wearing things like this. She smoothed the fabric out before picking up the skirt next. Like the shirt, it was rather unassuming. Remembering what Kanaya had said, she stepped into it, pulling it further up around her torso, making sure to carefully tuck the shirt in as she went. The skirt was rather long, going slightly below her knees. Like yesterday, she was suddenly overcome with an irresistible urge. She stood on her tiptoes and spun in place, watching the skirt fly around her. She hoped that would never get old. She picked up the remaining item on the bed. A denim jacket in a very bright blue shade. Seeing this made her smile just as much as the skirt did. This was what she wanted. It looked so incredibly cool, but at the same time, the way it was cut still was nothing short of beautiful. It was the exact balance she was looking for. Without wasting any more time, she swung it over her shoulders. Kanaya’s skill was impeccable. It fit absolutely perfectly. All of it felt perfect. She needed to see how it looked. She put her glasses back on and stepped into the hallway.

JUNE: alright! i’m ready!
ROXY: hell yeah come back over here
ROXY: here u 2 cover ur eyes
ROXY: i want us to all see her at the same time.

Despite being in an apartment with no currently open windows, June felt the unmistakable feeling of the breeze in her lungs. She had never felt more free in her life as she stepped back into the living room.

JUNE: alright! have a look!

The other three opened their eyes simultaneously as they turned their attention to June. Almost immediately, their expressions changed, all of them visibly shocked.

KANAYA: June
CALLIOPE: oh my goodness.
JUNE: yeah…?
ROXY: june
ROXY: u need to see this
JUNE: okay?

June turned the corner again and walked to the bathroom. She flicked on the light and turned her head to the mirror. Like with her friends, her jaw immediately dropped in shock.

JUNE: holy shit…
JUNE:
JUNE: …that’s a girl.

Chapter Text

June didn’t know what she was looking at. She moved her hand to the left and watched as the girl in the mirror did the same. She touched her face and the girl did the same. She gazed into the reflection's eyes. The two blinked at the same time. Was that really her? June felt her body feel light. She wasn’t turning into air or zapping herself away, but she still almost felt like she was leaving her own body. She couldn’t recognize herself at all. But despite that, it’s what she wanted. She was happy about it. Overjoyed at the fact she couldn’t recognize herself. The girl in the mirror was her! She shook her head and returned to reality.

She began to inspect Kanaya and Roxy’s work. She didn’t know what it was the two did exactly, but she definitely looked different. The work Kanaya did on her eyes stood out the most. They seemed so much more alive. She still had dark circles under her eyes that still showed through her makeup, but at the same time, Kanaya’s skill almost seemed to revitalize them. They looked more awake, and more (dare she say) happier, though she couldn’t tell if it was because of the makeup itself, or because of how much she enjoyed how it looked.

She turned her eyes to her outfit. She loved it. When she had first envisioned what her ideal self looked like, the clothes she wore were mentally fuzzy. But now she realized what she was wearing right now was exactly what she wanted. It fit perfectly, looked stunning, and above all else, felt legitimately comfortable. June had never realized how physically uncomfortable even the simplest of male clothes had always made her feel. What she was wearing now felt inherently correct. She turned around and noticed her friends standing in the door frame.

JUNE: GUYS WHAT THE FUCK?
JUNE: I-
JUNE: WHAT THE FUCK?
ROXY: I KNOW!
CALLIOPE: yoU look stUnning jUne!
KANAYA: I Am Overjoyed This Turned Out As Well As It Has
KANAYA: June You Look Absolutely Gorgeous
KANAYA: And Dareisay
KANAYA: Happier Perhaps
JUNE: r-really?
CALLIOPE: i agree! yoU look so mUch more…
CALLIOPE: gosh, i don’t even know how to say it!
ROXY: alive
JUNE: huh?
ROXY: you look more alive
ROXY: im gonna be honest june
ROXY: when u first got here
ROXY: actually no fuck even before that
ROXY: like a year or whatever after we beat the game
ROXY: u looked absolutely dead inside
ROXY: even tho u probably didnt even know why you were depressed it was obvious something was killin u inside
ROXY: when i saw u after putting the crt down i got kinda sad actually
ROXY: cuz i was hoping that you wouldnt look as depressed :(
ROXY: so when u told me u wanna be a girl i knew i wanted to do everything i could to help u
ROXY: i wanna see the happy june i knew as a teen again
ROXY: and uhh
ROXY: looks like it worked :)
JUNE: roxy i…
JUNE: *sniff* thank you.

June stepped forward and embraced her friend as she began to quietly cry tears of joy.

ROXY: hey hey hey hey its ok
ROXY: im so happy we helped u
ROXY: stop cryin tho ur gonna mess up ur makeup
JUNE: *sniff* fuck, you’re right.
JUNE: heh heh
ROXY: lol u dork
KANAYA: So What Is The Plan For The Rest Of The Evening
ROXY: that is
ROXY: a good question
ROXY: june this is ur day what do u wanna do
JUNE: hmmm…
JUNE: i really wanna get dinner or something, but i guess i can’t go out like this, huh.
CALLIOPE: why not?
JUNE: i can’t do that yet, right?
ROXY: why would u think that lol
ROXY: ur a literal god its not like anyone can stop u
JUNE: i guess i’m just not ready yet?
JUNE: i don’t feel comfortable going out like this, i’m sorry.
JUNE: and i’m sorry that i can’t think of an actual reason why either.
ROXY: dont be sry about that its completely normal
ROXY: everyone does this shit on their own schedule and thats completely valid
ROXY: we can think of fun shit we can do inside its no biggy
ROXY: wanna order food in
ROXY: chess guy style chinese food goes hard
JUNE: that sounds good! do you guys wanna watch a movie too?
KANAYA: Which One Did You Have In Mind
JUNE: you’ll see :)
JUNE: roxy’s seen it already, but i’m sure you’ll all love it!
ROXY: wait what movie have i seen with you bef-
ROXY: oh
ROXY: oh god no r we really watching this june
JUNE: :)

The four returned to the living room. Kanaya effortlessly placed the CRT on the floor, as Calliope returned her and Roxy’s smart TV to their table. June and Roxy both sat on the couch.

ROXY: oh yea june quick tip
ROXY: u might wanna adjust how ur sitting
ROXY: so people dont see stuff
JUNE: oh shoot uhh,
JUNE: sorry.
ROXY: ur good
ROXY: kan u wanna show her rq
KANAYA: Of Course

Gracefully, Kanaya walked to the couch and gently sat down. June took note of how close she kept her legs together, as well as the way she neatly placed her hands atop them.

KANAYA: It Is Rather Simple
KANAYA: Just Generally Try To Keep Your Legs Together
JUNE: okay.

June shifted in her seat to rectify her position as Calliope handed her the remote. As soon as the device entered June’s hands, Roxy let out an extremely exasperated sigh. They knew exactly what was about to happen. June opened Crockbuster Video and scrolled to the selection of archived B1 universe films. Roxy rolled their eyes as June typed the letter “C” into the search bar.

The four then began to watch the greatest and most influential film in all of Paradox Space. Simon West’s timeless classic,

ROXY: uuughhh goddamnit, fucking con air

A little over an hour passed. June and Calliope were enthralled, Roxy was at their wit's end, and Kanaya… Kanaya didn’t have any strong opinions about the film either way.

JUNE & CAMERON: put the bunny back in the box.
BEDFORD: I knew you was a punk. And I was right. You’ve been playing us all along. You a free man.
JUNE & CAMERON: i said, put the bunny back in the box.
KANAYA: Why Does Cameron Care So Much About The Toy Hop Beast
JUNE: shhhhh, it represents the relationship with his family that he wants to repair.
ROXY: june i love you but this movie is really stupid
JUNE: SHHHHHHHH
BEDFORD: heheheh. HAHAHAHAHA
CALLIOPE: look oUt cameron!
ROXY: le siiiign
KANAYA: Oh Dear
BEDFORD: Die punk!
CALLIOPE: oh no!
JUNE: shhh, keep watching, don’t worry!
BEDFORD: UGGGHH
BEDFORD: AAAGHHHH
CALLIOPE: goodness me!
KANAYA: That Is Quite The Nasty Wound
JUNE: shshsh, he’s gonna say it!
CAMERON: Why couldn't you put the bunny back in the box?
JUNE: YEEEEAAAAH!!!!!!!!

June leaped off the couch as she paused the movie.

JUNE: now do you guys see why i never shut up about this movie!
JUNE: i can’t believe i had that awful phase of hating it! it’s so fucking good!
CALLIOPE: i can’t believe i have lived this mUch of my life withoUt seeing this!
KANAYA: This Is Not Really My Cup Of Hot Leaf Beverage But I Suppose It Is Rather Decent
ROXY: seriously kanaya
ROXY: i never expected u to like this movie at all lol
KANAYA: I Find Cameron To Be Rather
KANAYA: Ehem
KANAYA: Cool
KANAYA: June Do You Have Any Other Films With This Cage Fellow You Would Recommend
ROXY: oh god dont get her started
JUNE: i have a bunch!
JUNE: there’s-

*knock knock knock*

ROXY: oh thank god foods here
ROXY: who wants to go get it

No one volunteered. At least until…

JUNE: c-can i go get it?
CALLIOPE: do yoU think yoU can do it?
KANAYA: You Do Not Have To Force Yourself To Do It If You Do Not Feel Comfortable
JUNE: nono, i wanna try.
JUNE: after all its just one person, right?
ROXY: if u think ur up to it then go ahead
ROXY: here tell them they can keep the change

Roxy leaned over and handed June a fistful of dollars (which was coincidentally, another one of June’s favorite films.) She carefully smoothed out her shirt and adjusted her jacket. She could do this. Nervously, she approached the front door. Even though it was only a few feet away, the trip felt like it took hours. The comparatively cold touch of the door handle felt like absolute zero to her anxious mind. Her hand began to shake against the doorknob, negating her attempts to open it.

JUNE: breathe…

Calmly, June gripped the handle firmly. She felt the air moving throughout her. In and out of her lungs and nose. She felt the energy moving down her arm. It steadied her. With one last heavy breath, she twisted the knob, and slowly swung the door open. A single Prospitian carapacian stood on the other side holding a bag. An otherwise Incidental Deliveryman.

ID: Hey, I’m here with an order for uhh,
ID: “rolal, callie, kanyan, and juney”?
ID: Would you happen to be any of those people?
JUNE: i uhh umm,
JUNE: i-i-i-i’m

June paused and took another breath in.

JUNE: hiyesi’mjune,thatsmei’mjune.
ID: Uhh,
ID: Cool
ID: That’ll be $63.25
JUNE: h-here you go.
JUNE: k-keep the change.
ID: Woah really? Thanks a lot, miss!

June blushed heavily as she accepted the bag of food.. Did the delivery guy really think she was a girl?

ID: I had a feeling delivering up to you guys would be cool!
ID: Rumor has it you creators are really generous tippers, haha.
ID: Wait, kanyan and juney…
ID: I’m assuming Kanyan is just a typo for Kanaya, but I don’t think I remember one of you guys being named June?
ID: If my memory is right, you look like…

Uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh.

ID: Aren’t you Jade?
JUNE: h-huh????????
ID: Girl with long black hair and glasses, right?
ID: Is June a nickname or something?
JUNE: uhh hahahahaha uhh, yep!
JUNE: that's me, i'm jade! (hehehe)
ID: Wow cool!
ID: It’s an honor to meet you!
ID: Shoot, I need to get going, I've got another order.
ID: Enjoy your meal!
JUNE: b-bye!

June shut the door as the Incidental Deliveryman turned back towards the elevator. She carefully sat the bag on the ground as her friends approached the door. She pressed her back against the wall and slid to the ground, face frozen in disbelief. There was no way that just happened. She had to have been dreaming.

CALLIOPE: jUne? are yoU alright?
JUNE: …
CALLIOPE: jUne?
JUNE: do i really look like jade?
KANAYA: You Certainly Look Considerably More Like Her Than You Did Before
KANAYA: You Two Always Looked Similar Though
KANAYA: It Makes Sense That You Would Look Like Her When Dressed In A More Feminine Manner
KANAYA: Are You Unhappy With That
JUNE: no! not at all!
JUNE: ugh, this is gonna sound really weird, ok.
JUNE: kanaya, you know how i told you that i wanted to be like…
JUNE: like vriska.
KANAYA: Yes
ROXY: wait wat
JUNE: y-yeah.
JUNE: i also want to be like jade too i guess?
JUNE: argh, this sounds so stupid and creepy i’m sorry
ROXY: girl those just sound like
ROXY: normal transition goals
JUNE: normal what?
ROXY: yknow transition goals
ROXY: what u wanna look like
ROXY: not even just that it can be what u wish ur personality will be like too
ROXY: now jade i expected since u already look so much like her
ROXY: but vriska ur gonna have to explain
JUNE: because she’s confident in herself.
JUNE: even if she isn’t a great person, she still seemed so cool!
JUNE: i want to have that confidence in myself.
ROXY: iiii see
ROXY: yeah i can see why ud wanna be like that
ROXY: dork
JUNE: hey :p
ROXY: anyway lets eat
JUNE: hehe yeah

Kanaya scooped up the bag and carried it to the couch. The four sat down and distributed their meals. Carapacian Style Chinese tasted surprisingly different from how she expected, with a lot more mellow flavors than the traditional style it was based on. Many different aspects of the B Universe’s many different cultures had evolved and changed so much on Earth-C. Many things were adapted to the new interspecies culture, some things didn’t change at all, and some things were lost to the ages altogether. (June was still disappointed that the entire concept of a calzone didn’t exist at all anymore, and no one alive knew how to properly make one.)

The four conversed about several topics while they ate. Roxy continued to regale stories of Calliope’s growth in Smash Brothers, Calliope herself caught Kanaya up on some kingdom happenings that occurred after she and Rose left, and June… unlike two nights prior, actually had things to talk about. How much she enjoyed her new outfit, things she might want to eventually try with her hair, and her upcoming appearance on Jake and Dirk’s show.

KANAYA: Do You Have Any Idea What They Plan On Doing While They Have You On
JUNE: nope. that’s supposed to be a part of the magic of the show.
JUNE: nobody knows whats going on.
JUNE: hell, i think most of the crew members and camera guys don’t even know what they’re supposed to film half the time?
KANAYA: That Sounds Like The Trademark Level of Bizarreness of A Strider
KANAYA: Roxy Do You Know If Jake Even Likes Filming That Show
ROXY: no he does
ROXY: that guy will take any excuse to be on tv
ROXY: i dont mean that in a narcissistic way he just really likes performing
JUNE: i don’t watch the show super often, have any of our other friends been on before?
CALLIOPE: let’s see…
CALLIOPE: dave, karkat, and jade were on once,
CALLIOPE: so were roxy and i.
CALLIOPE: bUt i don’t think jane and rose have.
CALLIOPE: actUally speaking of, jane.
CALLIOPE: yoU saw her the other day, right jUne?
JUNE: yeah, why do you ask?
CALLIOPE: it’s jUst that roxy and i haven’t seen her in qUite a while actUally!
CALLIOPE: she’s been neck-deep in work constantly for months.
CALLIOPE: did she seem ok when yoU encoUntered her?
JUNE: she did, yeah. seemed like her old self to me.
ROXY: im surprised to hear that tbh
ROXY: i heard that new hospital project they started has been runnin her ragged fr
ROXY: u heard about that right june
JUNE: she told me about it when i ran into her actually.
JUNE: the place they’re building isn't super far from my house.
ROXY: yknow
ROXY: i heard they plan on focusing p hard on pharmaceutical bs
ROXY: like actual prescriptions and not just over the counter stuff
ROXY: june have u put any thought into if u want hrt
ROXY: if u know what that is
KANAYA: I Told Her About It
JUNE: yeah
JUNE: i umm…
JUNE: i am interested in it.
ROXY: huh mayb u should see if janey could hook u up with the stuff
JUNE: i…
JUNE: don’t know if i’m ready to tell her just yet.
ROXY: yea no rush
ROXY: starting hrt like 2 days after ur egg cracks is pretty damn fast so dont feel bad about waiting
ROXY: but if u want my help telling her lemme know
ROXY: shes cool about this stuff
JUNE: mhm
KANAYA: Shall We Finish Our Movie Now
KANAYA: I Am Admittedly Rather Excited To See Where This Film Ends Up Going
ROXY: uggghhh ok
ROXY: u guys cool with wrappin up for the day after that
ROXY: as much as id love to party the night away with u babes but callie n i got a lot of work to catch up on
KANAYA: Fine By Me
JUNE: yeah me too.

Everyone scooped up their now empty boxes and threw them in the kitchen trash. June took a detour to the bathroom on her way back. Before she had a chance to sit down, her eyes caught her reflection in the mirror. She still wasn’t able to comprehend what she was seeing. Kanaya was right, she did look like Jade. She didn’t know why that revelation surprised her, the two were already practically twins. Sure, there were some differences in their appearance, but to someone with only a vague knowledge of what Jade looked like, the two were almost indistinguishable (June was just thankful the delivery man forgot about Jade’s dog ears.) June giggled to herself as she sat down. There were probably some fun pranks she could use their similarities for once she came out of the closet. June wasn’t sure when that was going to happen exactly, but she knew she would eventually.

…right?

June finished her business and returned to her spot on the couch. Calliope excitedly picked up the remote and pressed play. The remainder of the film passed rather uneventfully, aside from June and Calliope trying their absolute hardest not to completely bawl their eyes out at the ending. The credits began to roll, and Kanaya clapped politely.

JUNE: *sniff* i don’t know how anyone could possibly live without you cameron.
CALLIOPE: *sniff* how coUld anyone even breathe withoUt him!
JUNE: i don’t even wanna know!
ROXY: u two r dorks lol
ROXY: shit june ur makeup is running
JUNE: huh-oh crap!
ROXY: dont sweat it too much lemme help u take if off
ROXY: kanaya did u bring any wipes or anythin
KANAYA:
ROXY: kan
KANAYA: *Sniff*
KANAYA: I May Have To *Sniffle* Excuse Myself Early
KANAYA: That Film May Have Been Too Much Of An Emotional Loopty Loop Buggy For Me
KANAYA: June Everything In That Bag Is For You To Keep
JUNE: *sob* thank you so much kanaya!
KANAYA: You Are So Very Welcome June

Sobbing, the two hugged emotionally as Roxy sighed heavily.

ROXY: alrighty then kanaya ill see u l8r then
CALLIOPE: *sniffle* bye kanaya! it was so lovely to see yoU!
KANAYA: Goodbye
KANAYA: Roxy If You Could
ROXY: herrnnngg yep im workin on it

Roxy touched their fingers to their temples and in a flash, Kanaya was gone, presumably, the “nothingness” between her and Roxy returned to her. Roxy shuffled through the bag Kanaya left, and pulled out a small package of wet wipes.

ROXY: here come w me june ill teach u how to take this junk off

Roxy led June to the bathroom and gave her a brief lesson on how to properly remove all the makeup from her face.

ROXY: do u wanna change before u go or r u good with leaving like this
JUNE: i think i’ll keep this on. i mean i’m being teleported directly back to my house, right?
ROXY: yea u should be good
ROXY: before u go lemme grab some other stuff i wanted to give u

June walked back to the living room as Roxy went the opposite direction. Calliope was still drying her eyes from the emotional experience she just had. June walked over to the TV stand and unplugged her GameCube controller from the Wii, and rolled up the cord. Roxy returned shortly after with a stack of clothes in their hands, which they stacked in the bag already filled with clothes and makeup products.

ROXY: i cant promise these will all be perfect fits but they should look fine on u
ROXY: dang u prob almost have a full wardrobe at this point between what me n kanaya r giving u
JUNE: hehe yeah i guess so
JUNE: thanks so much you two! i had a really great time!
CALLIOPE: of coUrse jUne! we’ll always be willing to have yoU over!
ROXY: next time ill try n make sure we have more time to hang
ROXY: that call i got earlier was for some stupid emergency meeting the senate randomly decided to have tomorrow
ROXY: i fuckin hate politics fr
ROXY: anyways l8r juney
ROXY: it was fun to be able to help you open up more :)
JUNE: bye you guys! thanks so much!

Roxy once again tightened their focus, and June was zapped away. She blinked and found herself…

…on her front doorstep and not inside her house-SHIT! She had to hurry inside. She couldn’t get caught dressed like this! She reached into the pocket of her skirt (thank GOD Kanaya included one) and quickly yanked out her keys. Moving faster than she ever had before, she unlocked the door, and practically jumped inside, slamming the door behind her. She let out a massive sigh of relief. She looked at the clock. It was still the afternoon now that she had returned to her original time zone. Despite this though, she was still exhausted. She sloppily removed her jacket as she walked to her room. She flopped into her desk chair and opened pesterchum. Only one notification greeted her; a series of messages from Dirk.

–timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 02:36
TT: Howdy John, I went ahead and sent the transportilizer your way, it should probably be there by tomorrow, let me know when you get it.
–timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 02:38
–ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 03:09
GT: hey dirk! I haven’t gotten it just yet, but i’ll let you know when i do!
TT: Awesome.
TT: I told Jake that you agreed to come on, and he was really happy to hear it.
TT: The guy misses you a lot, so he’s super excited to see you.
TT: Actually to be completely transparent, I also missed you a lot.
TT: I know we never talked all that much, but I really did enjoy our few chances to do so.
TT: I’m glad you’re back on your feet.
GT: thanks so much! it was great to see you again too! tell jake that i can’t wait to see him!
TT: Will do.
TT: See you next Friday.
TT: If you need help with anything before then aside from the transportalizer let me know.
GT: thanks a lot dirk!
TT: Bye John.
–ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 03:22

June winced a little every time she had to read her deadname. A part of her regretted not opening up to Dirk. The weird Sburban curse probably wouldn’t be able to stop her since she didn’t know him super closely, but she also didn’t know him well enough to be able to confide this secret in him either. A cruel catch-22 indeed. June sighed and walked to her bed. Maybe taking a brief nap would help her clear her head. She dove headfirst into the sheets and passed out almost immediately.

Chapter Text

June rubbed her eyes as she awoke from her mid-afternoon nap. She put her glasses back on and checked the time on her phone. 6:23, she slept for almost three hours on the dot. She hoped this wouldn’t fuck up her sleep schedule too much. She laid back down and began to absentmindedly scroll through her phone. Even on Earth C, people were still perpetually glued to the dopamine hits their screens provided. When she opened chittr though, something caught her eye. Was that a picture of herself? She checked the account it was from. It was the official account for The Prince and the Page. She read the post.

“Tune in Frirfday the elveventh to sees the one and lonly Joj Egbert take on the toughest questions the Prirp and the Pap have for hih.”

June looked at the picture they used of her. It was her Snapchat profile picture she hadn’t updated in at least two years. The platform took a nosedive in popularity once Pesterchum was back on the rise. Plus June was tired of being harassed almost daily by Calliope’s brother. She wasn’t sure how Caliborn had gotten his hands on her Snapchat name, but at least he somehow hadn’t found her Pesterchum as well. Maybe switching back to her old handle threw him off her trail. Regardless, she studied the old picture of herself. The reaction she felt to it was visceral. Seeing herself with shorter hair and a (rather pathetic looking) mustache was not something she wanted to see after just waking up. The picture made her feel so horribly disgusted. She tried to remind herself that she was making strides to never have to look like that again, but fuuuuuuuuck that picture was embarrassing. Curious, she decided to check the replies to the post. Surprisingly, people seemed rather excited to see her on the show. Mixed with the comments expressing excitement to see another one of the universe’s fabled creators, there were many comments that were borderline cognito-hazards. They were practically indecipherable, and crusted to the moon and back with JPEG artifacting. She was only able to pick out random corrupted words such as “RAD” and “scrungle.” This was par for the course of what she expected from the fanbase of a Strider run show. Another comment about herself caught her eye.

“I thought that guy died lol”

As she scrolled more, she realized there were more comments like it.

“egbert’s alive?”

“I thought he was MIA”

“glub im glad to hear he’s ok.”

She realized that she shouldn’t be surprised that people thought she was dead. She barely left her house and had absolutely zero online presence. Regardless, she was ready to change that perception. She wanted to prove to people that she was alive again. The Heir was awake. And everyone that wasn’t ready for her was gonna have their shit wrecked. With a light gust involuntarily created by her burst of self confidence, she jumped out of bed and…

Did nothing. She really didn’t have anything lined up for the rest of the evening now that she thought about it. Even though she had been almost completely lethargic for a year straight, she was only now just realizing how bored out of her mind she was. Her eyes darted around the room as she tried to think of something to do. She looked at the tote bag containing Kanaya’s dress. She realized she should probably go organize the new additions to her collection. Still groggy from her nap, she floated downstairs, and picked up the trash bag Kanaya gave her. She carried it back up to her room and parsed through the contents. Clothes in a variety of different colors and styles, as well as a few scattered makeup implements. She tried to find somewhere suitable in her room to place the pieces of her new wardrobe. She opened her closet and tried to create as much empty space as she could. She shifted around piles of clothes and random toys from her childhood, until she made space to put the bag down. Before she could though, she noticed something interesting on the floor. A small purple box. She didn’t recognize this, where could it have come from? She set the bag down outside her closet and picked the box up. She searched around the sides in an attempt to find a side which she could pry the box open from, but despite the gap between the top and bottom halves, there was no hinge, or lock in sight. She tried her hardest to pry the two halves apart, but the box was made of stronger stuff than she was. As such, June decided to work smarter, not harder; summoning her trusty claw hammer, the first weapon she ever brandished. Using the former half of the tool’s name, she used all her strength to slowly but surely pop off the top half off the box. Shocked at the sudden release, June slipped and fell to the ground, with the contents of the box following suit.

June looked at the scattered debris now on her floor. She found many random pieces of paper, a USB flash drive, and… was that a GameBoy Advance cartridge? The video game caught June’s attention the most. She flipped the green cartridge over, and read the title on the front. “Pokemon Emerald Version”

JUNE: holy shit this was here the whole time?
JUNE: haha, i can’t believe i finally found you!

June needed to test to see if this thing still worked. Cartridge in tow, she ran back downstairs to her TV cabinet. Her old GameBoy had to be in there somewhere. Sure enough, it was buried under a pile of DVD and GameCube cases. She popped the cartridge in and skipped the warning that the clock battery died. She didn’t give a shit about growing berries anyway. She spammed the A button at the title screen and loaded her save file, however what she saw surprised her. In the middle of the screen was the sprite of the female protagonist. June was almost certain she hadn’t picked this option when she was a kid, how was this possible? She had absolutely no memories of wanting to be a girl when she was young. She opened the menu, and once again her heart skipped a beat in shock. Her trainer name wasn’t John, or one of the default female names like May or Sara. The menu option very clearly read “JUNE.”

JUNE: …how in the hell?

How the hell could she have forgotten this? Did she not come up with the name June two nights ago? It’s not like her child self could have gotten the name from interacting with Vriska, the two had never interacted online before the events of Sburb. Why the hell couldn’t she remember this? Was this another effect of the curse she was afflicted with? The thought of her memories being modified was absolutely terrifying to her, but the more she thought about it, the more sense it made. She thought of all the instances in the past two days where sensations felt strangely familiar, but also entirely alien. Had she realized she was trans as a child and just… forgot? She had to get to the bottom of this.

She returned to her room and searched the floor for more of the contents of the box. She gathered the papers into a pile and unfolded one, only to find the entire page completely covered in scribbles. Scribbles identical to the ones she had subconsciously drawn on her wall as a child. Drawings of harlequins, childish insults, and lines of redaction drawn in a dark indigo ink were all that could be seen on the page. At that moment June knew this had to have been the curse that did this to her. And whatever the hell that curse was exactly is what made her deface her room as a child. She turned her attention to the final item in the box. An unassuming blue USB stick. She snatched it up and inserted it into her computer. She opened her file explorer and tried to click the contents of the drive. A window to type in a password appeared on her screen.

JUNE: fuck.

If she couldn’t remember owning this flash drive in the first place, then there would certainly be no way she could remember the password for it either. She needed answers though. There had to be some other way she could get in. Who did she know that was good with computers?

JUNE: hmmmmmm
JUNE: *gasp*
JUNE: karkat!

June remembered Karkat mentioning something about encrypting stuff once. Maybe he had some sick hacker skills? She opened Pesterchum and clicked her messages with Karkat. She looked at their message history. It had been ages since the two last talked. Over a full year at this point. She really hated breaking her silence just to ask for a favor, but she needed answers.

–ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 18:51
GT: hey karkat! how are you!
CG: HOLY SHIT JOHN IS IT REALLY YOU?
CG: IF DAVE HADN’T TOLD ME HE SAW YOU THE OTHER DAY I WOULD’VE ASSUMED YOU WERE FUCKING DEAD.
GT: nope! i’m still here!
CG: CONGRATS? I GUESS?
CG: ANYWAYS WHAT’S UP?
GT: i was wondering if i could actually ask you a favor?
CG: SERIOUSLY?
CG: YOU GHOST ME FOR A YEAR, AND YOUR FIRST CONTACT WITH ME IS TO ASK FOR SOMETHING?
CG: WHAT THE HELL’S YOUR PROBLEM?
GT: i’m sorry ok! i was going through some stuff!
GT: i wanna start getting back out there and talking to our friends and stuff, i just
GT: need help rn.
GT: i’m sorry :(
CG: SHIT.
CG: I DIDN’T EVEN BOTHER TO ASK YOU IF YOU WERE OK.
CG: THAT WAS FUCKED UP OF ME I’M SORRY.
GT: no it’s fine!
GT: i would probably be a bit annoyed if i was in your shoes too.
CG: SO ARE YOU OKAY?
GT: i’m,
GT: better.
CG: OK.
CG: THAT HONESTLY DOESN’T TELL ME MUCH BUT I’M GLAD TO HEAR IT ANYWAY.
CG: SO WHAT DO YOU NEED MY HELP WITH?
GT: really? You’re still willing to help me?
CG: OF COURSE. DO I REALLY SEEM LIKE THE TYPE OF PERSON TO HOLD A GRUDGE OVER TRIVIAL HOOFBEAST SHIT LIKE THIS?
GT: kinda, yeah.
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: YOU ARE ONE SNIDE COMMENT AWAY FROM ME REVOKING YOUR FAVOR VOUCHER.
GT: alriiiiiiiight i’m sorry jeez lol.
GT: i was wondering if you could help me get into a usb stick?
GT: like crack a password for it?
CG: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I CAN DO THAT?
GT: didn’t you mention once you were into hacking stuff?
CG: JOHN, JUST BECAUSE I MENTIONED I WAS VAGUELY “INTO” SOMETHING ONCE SEVERAL YEARS AGO DOES NOT MEAN I AM STILL “INTO” IT OR LITERALLY ANY GOOD AT IT WHATSOEVER.
GT: ah shit, ok.
CG: WHAT DO YOU EVEN NEED TO HACK INTO A USB STICK FOR ANYWAYS?
GT: i found one stashed waaaaaaaay back in my closet actually.
GT: i don’t remember it at all and i wanna see what’s on it.
CG: I SEE.
CG: WHY DON’T YOU ASK DIRK ABOUT IT?
CG: HE’S LIKE THE SMARTEST GUY ON THE PLANET.
CG: EXCEPT FOR JADE I GUESS?
CG: I HAVE ZERO CLUE WHAT THE FUCK HER DEAL IS.
GT: huh. I guess i could talk to dirk.
GT: thanks for the advice karkat, it means a lot!
GT: wanna talk some more later once i talk to dirk?
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT?
GT: idk! just whatever!
GT: we’ve got a year of catching up to do!
GT: talk to you in a bit karkat, bye!
CG: LATER WEIRDO.
–ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 19:03

June was apprehensive about contacting Dirk. She didn’t know him very well compared to the rest of her fellow “Gods.” They hardly had a chance to talk during the game, and they lived on opposite sides of the continent now. She thought back to what Dirk told her.

“If you need help with anything…let me know."

She knew that Dirk wasn’t much of a social type. If he offered to help someone he barely knew, then he probably meant it. Maybe she could shoot him a message.

–ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 19:07
GT: hey, dirk! weird question for you.
GT: do you think you could crack the password for a usb stick?
TT: My answer to that depends on what your reasons for asking me this are.
GT: oh right i suppose this does sound a bit suspicious hehe.
GT: i found one in the back of my closet and have zero memory of it!
GT: when i put it in my pc it asked for a password.
TT: Okay yeah that seems ethically excusable.
TT: So yeah, I can do that.
TT: How about you bring it over once you have that transportalizer set up?
TT: Like I said, Jake’s crazy excited to see you again.
TT: We could make a day of it.
GT: that sounds fun, yeah!
GT: thanks so much dirk!
TT: No problem. See ya tomorrow.
GT: later!
–ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 19:12

As much as she felt she needed answers this very moment, she supposed she could handle waiting a day. She scooped up the rest of the contents of the box and put them in the corner of her desk. It’s not like there was anything else she could do. Except…

–ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering uranianUmbra [UU] at 19:07
GT: hey, calliope?
UU: hello jUne! did yoU have a safe trip home?
GT: yep! that whole…
GT: “stealing nothingness” thing worked perfect!
UU: i’m so glad!
UU: anyways, what’s Up?
GT: i think i might’ve found another weird symptom of the “curse” thing?
UU: :u
UU: do tell! this might trigger some sort of memory for me!
GT: so i found a box in the back of my closet, and there was a bunch of stuff i didn’t remember inside.
GT: i found a video game from when i was a kid where i named myself june apparently?
GT: even though i didn’t even come up with the name june until like two days ago!
UU: that’s pecUliar!
GT: has rose or roxy ever told you about the weird drawings i made on my wall as a kid?
UU: yes, rose has. i will say it is odd, bUt doesn’t ring any bells aboUt the book.
GT: well i found some scraps of paper in the drawer that look like they were drawn over with the same stuff i put on the wall.
GT: i can tell that i definitely had written or drawn stuff on there before, but not only were they covered up by scribbles, but some of it was covered up by this weird blue ink?
UU: wait, blUe ink?
GT: yeah.
UU: was it a darker shade?
GT: uhh i guess so?
GT: it was like an indigo i guess?
UU: that’s incredibly odd…
GT: …why’s that?
UU: my tome was also defaced with the same color of ink!
UU: this is getting extremely bizarre…
UU: i’ll be sUre to keep all of this in mind jUne, i’ll try my damndest to rack my brain to get to the bottom of this.
GT: thanks so much callie :)
UU: of coUrse!
–ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering uranianUmbra [UU] at 19:21

Now that that was out of the way, June returned to her previous task of finding a place to store her new clothes. She looked back to the empty space she carved in her closet. Fortunately she had plenty of unused clothes hangers that had their space freed up from years of throwing away old and outgrown graphic tees. She figured there was no time like the present, and got to work. Looking through the bag, it was rather easy to tell what was once Kanaya’s and what was once Roxy’s. She hung up Roxy’s gifts first. A few scattered female-cut t-shirts, some skirts, a pair of mom jeans, and a simple pink summer dress. By the time she got to Kanaya’s clothes, she worried she would run out of space. She grabbed more hangers and hung the tops and dresses Kanaya gave her. She recognized these as the outfits Kanaya had gathered during June’s last visit to her hive.

With everything either hung up or placed in a drawer, June gazed at the finished product. She realized that her closet had now essentially been bisected into two halves. One containing her male wardrobe, and the other housing her female one. Something about it almost felt depressing to look at. It felt like a symbol that she wasn’t fully female. This thought stung. Could she ever truly call herself “fully” female? She looked down at her outfit. Suddenly it felt like it didn’t belong on her body anymore. She began to notice her wide upper body, her large hands, and practically non-existent hips. This was a man’s body. This was John’s body. If she had realized this when she was younger, could she have stopped this? If she kept her memories of wanting to be June, would she not have this body anymore? The sudden weight of the revelation from earlier, as well as her general exhaustion and dysphoria began to crash down on her. She removed her glasses as tears began to stream down her cheeks. This wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t she just be June? This body shouldn’t be hers. Why was she made wrong? As more and more dysphoric thoughts and questions of “why” entered her head, she flung herself on her bed, burying her face in her pillow. She felt robbed. Robbed and cheated. She already knew Paradox Space seemingly had a vendetta against her and her friends, but this felt too far. Her despair turned to rage. She felt a sudden desire to take action. She had power over the conglomeration of multiverses that harmed her.

She rose out of bed and put her glasses back on, no longer caring about the tears in her eyes. She materialized her God Tier outfit to her body, and flew out her open window. She looked down at her house. She knew what she needed to do. She closed her eyes and focused. And…

zap.

Chapter Text

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, 2006, is this young man’s birthday. Though it was ten years ago he was given life, it will still be three more years before he is given a name!

Despite it being his birthday however, the young man was sad. He was overjoyed at the presents he received from his father, as well as the birthday wishes from his friends, but deep down he still felt like something was wrong. He felt uncomfortable with the passage of time. As days passed, he felt more and more uncomfortable with his own body in relation to the world around him.

He heard a series of pings from his computer. He sighed as he sat down at his desk chair. He had a feeling this wasn’t from one of his friends. He wondered which troll was hounding him this time.

zap.

June Egbert sat on the roof of her childhood home. Fortunately for her, her younger self wasn’t that observant. She had been staring at herself for minutes on end before retreating to the roof. By some miracle, the street outside her house was completely empty that day too. She remembered this day clearly. As a child she thought it was odd that every birthday after her eighth felt at best bittersweet. With the gift of hindsight she had now, she knew why she felt like this. She was changing. With each passing year, her body was becoming less and less hers. Anyone would be upset if they were in her situation. Each birthday being another passing reminder that you’re slowly transforming into something you hate. Maybe she should go back further. Before puberty could even have the chance to ruin her. She floated off the roof and looked back into ten-year old June’s room once more. Despite remembering how sad she felt, her younger self didn’t really show it much on her face while messaging the troll. Wait, which troll had messaged her that day? It wasn’t Karkat, and it definitely wasn’t Vriska, why couldn’t she remem… oh no. Was the conversation she was watching right now another memory that had been wiped from her? She needed to know who her younger self was talking to. She almost threw all caution to the wind and attempted to force open the window, but in a moment of clarity, was able to restrain herself. She flew back to the roof and took a few deep breaths. She could wait just a few minutes, young June would have to get up to use the bathroom eventually, right?

Every two minutes or so, June would occasionally swing her head down to see if her past self had already left. She passed the time gazing out at the streets below. All-in-all, she really didn’t remember much about her hometown. Maple Valley was the most middle of the road suburban town of all time, the modern equivalent to a fantasy RPG protagonist’s home village. June felt a twinge of regret. This place was her home for thirteen years. A home she was partially responsible for destroying. And yet despite that, she almost never thought about the place. Even though her house was the same, her new neighborhood on Earth C contained no other tributes to the place she and Jane once called home. June could understand why Jane wouldn’t care, she was the type to want to move on to a new place, free of the memories of her upbringing. Yet despite being the Heir of the ever flowing Breath, June felt stuck in her own past. A past she didn’t even fully remember.

After about twenty minutes, she saw her past self get up and leave the room. Now was her chance. She cracked the window open slightly and phased through the breeze. She dashed to her computer and woke it up from sleep mode. Just like yesterday, she was blocked by a password screen.

JUNE: shit.

What the fuck was her computer password at this time? She tried her current one, but to no avail. She had a feeling this lapse in her memory wasn’t due to any sort of curse, but rather just another piece of information that was lost to time. She glanced around the room. There had to be something here that could serve as a clue, right? As she searched for anything that could lead her in the right direction. She noticed something odd. The drawings on her wall were not present. Her posters were not yet defaced. Whatever had cursed her must have not been triggered yet.

She heard the sound of footsteps approaching the room. Fuck fuck fuck fuck she needed to leave. She didn’t have time to focus on returning to Earth C, she’d have to just hop somewhere else in this universe’s timeline. It was 2006, maybe she could just go to…

A young man lies asleep in his bedroom. It just so happens that tonight, on the 1st of January 2007, is the day this young man loses everything.

zap.

June stumbled as she arrived at her temporal destination. She cautiously looked around her. Thank Jegus. Her younger self was still asleep. June affirmed “when” she was. Just past midnight on new years of 2007. Her father likely wasn’t home, but rather at a New Year's party with his work friends. She looked at her posters. Still undefaced. She probably couldn’t get away with turning on the computer and checking her message history. That old hunk of junk would probably generate enough noise to wake up the whole neighborhood. She figured now that she was here she could reorient herself and find a better time to return to. Maybe her birthday in 2005 this time. Before she could think further though, she heard activity behind her. She whipped her head around and froze. The ten-year old was awake. She stood at the side of her bed, unmoving. Eyes open, but practically frozen. Was she sleepwalking? She stepped out of the way as her past self robotically moved towards her. Young June walked to her desk and calmly grabbed a variety of multicolored markers. June knew exactly what was about to happen. To say her past self went berserk would be putting it lightly. Fervently, she began to cover the walls with crude drawings of harlequins and insults. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing, it's like she was possessed. With her work done, she turned to the desk again. She opened a drawer above the computer tower. In it was a number of random pages of paper. June knew what these were. She had a chance to figure out what the papers from the box in her closet were. She raced to snatch them before they could also be vandalized. However, before she even had a chance to take action, she felt herself freeze once again. This time not of her own free will. She was completely immobilized.

???: now what in the name of the mirthful motherfuckin’ messiah do we have here? i wasn’t expecting two little infidels to be here.

June heard a voice echo in her head that she didn’t recognize.

JUNE: who the hell are you?!
???: I'M THE ONE WHO’S GONNA MAKE YOURS, AND EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS UNIVERSE’S LIFE A MISERABLE FUCKIN’ HELL.
JUNE: what the fuck?
JUNE: so you were the one that cursed me then!
???: a curse huh? I guess you can call it that.
JUNE: why are you doing this?
???: REVENGE FOR YOUR KIND’S COUNTLESS MOTHERFUCKIN’ BLASPHEMIES AGAINST THE LORDS OF THE DARK CARNIVAL.
???: this universe is unfit to pass down its genes.
???: SO I’M DOING EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO MAKE THIS SHIT MOTHERFUCKIN’ TERMINAL.
???: starting with you.
??? AND YOUR STUPID BLASPHEMOUS FRIEND!
JUNE: how does fucking with my memories make it harder for us to win sburb?
JUNE: since that’s clearly what you’re trying to stop!
???: there’s so many motherfuckin’ things in progress you couldn’t even begin to comprehend.
???: WITH THE POWER OF MY MIRTHFUL FUCKIN’ MASTERS I CAN SEE THE COMPLETE MOTHERFUCKIN PICTURE BITCH.
???: makin’ sure that you or anyone else doesn’t go and flip the motherfuckin’ script is a priority for me right now, you get me?
JUNE: …what the hell are you?
???: LIKE I MOTHERFUCKING SAID, YOUR WORST FUCKIN' NIGHTMARE.
???: i don’t know how the hell you got here, but it seems you have a power similar to my master's.
???: SUCH BLASPHEMY…
???: will not go un-motherfuckin'-punished.

June dropped to her knees as a searing pain surged through her body. None of this seemed to disturb the actions of her younger self, who continued to draw mark after mark upon the pages. She looked closely and watched as dark indigo ink appeared out of seemingly nowhere and soaked the papers. June felt the pain grow stronger as she watched her one of her only chances to find her lost memories slip away.

JUNE: n-no…
JUNE: please…
???: LEAVE AND NEVER MOTHERFUCKING RETURN!

June felt the entire room spin, as she suddenly was returned to her own universe. The pain was gone, but it was enough to make her body still tremble. She shivered on the floor of her quiet and empty house and began to sob. Through pained breaths, she slowly stood up, and tried to zap back to 2007. She could still fix everything if she could just go back again. She focused her body, but as she felt herself begin to leave, the pain from before cracked into her again, forcing her back to the floor with a violent scream of agony. There was nothing she could do. She layed there for hours and hours sobbing uncontrollably, until she eventually passed out from exhaustion.

She awoke to the sound of her phone buzzing. She blinked quickly, as the vibrations in her pocket shook her from her slumber. She slowly rose to her knees and fished the device from her pocket. Dirk was messaging her. The memories of the previous evening entered June’s mind once more. She still couldn’t believe what happened. The words the mysterious voice spoke to her were vague in her mind. She only remembered a few direct quotes.

???: this universe is unfit to pass down its genes.
???: SO I’M DOING EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO MAKE THIS SHIT MOTHERFUCKIN’ TERMINAL.

???: makin’ sure that you or anyone else doesn’t go and flip the motherfuckin’ script is a priority for me right now, you get me?

???: LEAVE AND NEVER MOTHERFUCKING RETURN!

Her suspicions were correct. Whatever this thing was, it was almost certainly a byproduct of Sburb. She knew they succeeded in ruining the voice’s plans in some form or another, they beat the game after all, but that still left June cursed and without her memories. Why was preventing her from being a girl so crucial to its plans? Was it revenge for her alleged “blasphemy”? She rubbed her face and adjusted her glasses. She felt different. A part of her was happy she was seemingly locked out of her retcon powers. Clearly she just proved she was unworthy of wielding them anyways. But the other part was still upset that she was robbed of a method she could use to get answers. At least she still had the USB drive. She took this as a sign to respond to Dirk. She checked the time before opening Pesterchum. One in the afternoon. Whatever the hell it was that magically assaulted her really knew what it was doing.

–timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 12:59
TT: Howdy John, I just got a notification that the transportalizer made it to your place, it should just be in your mailbox.
TT: Idk, check if your red flippy thingy is up.
TT: Anyway, here’s this.
–timaeusTestified [TT] sent ghostyTrickster [GT] the file *SkaiaNet_Enterprises_MODEL0331_Transportilizer_Manual.pdf*
TT: Let me or Jake know if you have any problems setting it up. Our connection code is 219070.
GT: yep, i will.
GT: thanks for sending it over so quick.
TT: No problem. Are you still wanting to bring over that USB stick today?

June wasn’t really sure how she wanted to answer this question. On one hand she was still absolutely exhausted. The past few days had been incredibly tiring and emotionally draining. She really hadn’t had time to recover from the metaphorical Band-aid she ripped off. She could use a day or two to relax. But on the other hand she needed answers. And she needed them now. She moved her fingers to type yes, but stopped herself. She glanced at Dirk’s usage of her old name. Almost immediately, she felt her tiredness triple. She couldn’t take another full day of listening to that. Maybe waiting just one more day couldn’t hurt. Besides, she could probably figure out how to get that transportalizer working on her own; Jake has good UX designers at his company, right?

GT: actually i’m feeling a bit worn out today, would you mind doing it tomorrow?
TT: That works even better actually, I need to go to the Human Kingdom tomorrow after the show.
TT: Are you feeling alright though?
GT: yeah i just uhh,
GT: slept weird last night.
GT: weird nightmare too.
TT: That’s rough, sorry to hear.
GT: thanks.
GT: i’ll make sure to ask if i have any problems setting the transportalizer up.
TT: You know it.
TT: Talk to you later homie.
–timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 13:12

“Homie.” Did Dirk really really think of June in that way? The two were mutually acquainted, sure, but did Dirk really consider her a friend? She wondered what it was exactly that made him interested in talking to her. She concluded that the most likely solution was that he was simply worried about her. Afterall, if someone June was acquaintances with had holed themself up in their house for a year, she’d want to be extra kind to them too.

June stood up and looked out her window. She wasn’t sure why Dirk mentioned the red flippy doohickey on her mailbox, the package propped up against it was far too big to fit inside. She opened the window and fazed through the breeze. She landed in her lawn and picked up the rectangular package. It was surprisingly small for the high level of tech it contained. She picked it up and flew to her roof. That was as good as any place to put it. She opened the cardboard and pulled the disk-like pedestal from its plastic container. She shook the bag, and the only other things to fall out were a massive black power cable and a single sided instruction sheet. Was that all this thing really needed? She plugged the cable into the side of the device, and jumped down to her balcony to plug the other side into a wall outlet. She glanced down at the instructions. All it had on it were advertisements for other Skaianet Enterprises products, and a QR code that seemingly linked to an app download. June was shocked at how sophisticated this all was. After several long and tedious minutes of creating an account and registering her new device, she was prompted with the ability to connect her transportalizer to Jake’s network. She entered the code Dirk sent her, and almost immediately was accepted in. She was now able to travel to Jake and Dirk’s island, so long as the two of them kept their transportalizer unlocked. She felt tempted to test the device out, but she was far too tired to interact with Jake or Dirk, and certainly not both of them at the same time. Maybe she should just go back to bed. She flew through her bedroom window, and weakly flopped face up onto her mattress.

She stared up at the ceiling. Despite her house’s original structure being completely upended, and being moved to at least three different planets, the ceiling she was staring at was the same nonetheless. She had grown uncomfortably used to spending her days gazing up at it. That was what most of her days in the past year had entailed for her anyway. June felt herself get choked up again. Only a few days had passed since she finally made some sort of progress in her life, and she was back to her old ways already. Isolating in her bedroom despite pleas from her friends while trying to not think too hard about the fact she existed. She was the exact same as the ceiling above her. Had she ever, EVER changed as a person? Outside of her depression, she was practically the same as her pre-sburb self. Maybe her assailant from last night had emotionally stunted her permanently, anything was possible at this point.

June shifted her glasses out of the way to wipe the tears from her face. She had been lying there for an entire hour at this point. She fumbled as she removed her glasses from her face and placed them on her nightstand, ready to commit to staying in bed for the rest of the day. June shut her eyes and began to feel herself drifting to sleep…

THUD

???: GEE FUCKING WILLIKERS!

…and was brought out of her slumber by the sound of a crash above her. Instinctively, she leapt out of bed and slapped her glasses onto her face haphazardly as she bolted to the balcony. She was extremely paranoid at this point. For all she knew, her attacker from last night had revived Bec Noir to kill her, or worse, maybe even Lord Eng- oh it was just Jake.

Jake English was lying face down on the balcony and groaning lightly. June felt her adrenaline leave her body as her brain recognized who she was looking at. Jake rolled and adjusted until he was sitting up and facing June. Even though she was used to seeing him on T.V, she was shocked at how much he had changed in person. He was now easily one of the tallest people in her friend group, as well as one of the most physically fit. June couldn’t tear her eyes away from the Mustache that graced the center of his face. Jesus Christ it was like he stole it from a Mario brother. Admittedly, she was off put a bit by seeing it on a face that was so close to her own. She tried her hardest not to look at it as she reached out her hand to help Jake off the ground.

JUNE: shit jake! are you ok, what happened?
JAKE: Gah im gonna feel that one tomorrow.
JAKE: John you may want to rethink where you put that transportalizer.
JAKE: Having it in a precarious spot like that is inviting accidents to happen!
JAKE: It should be somewhere that gives a bit more room to step off the gosh darn thing!
JUNE: fuck, i’m sorry, i’ll go move it right now.
JAKE: Dont feel too bad about it chum. Thats one of the most common mistakes made by new owners of these doohickeys.
JAKE: Ill move it for you on my way out.
JUNE: o-ok.
JUNE: hey, why are you here actually?
JAKE: Oh yes i suppose i should explain myself heheh.
JAKE: Dirk told me you had to take a rain check for our rumpus we had planned so i figured i would swing by real fast to make sure the transportalizer worked.
JAKE: I wasnt planning on imposing on you for too long but can i mayhaps take a quick rest inside?
JAKE: My bones could use a few moments to recover from their hot date with your balcony.
JUNE: yeah of course! come on in.
JAKE: Youre an absolute peach Johnny boy.

June winced again as she and Jake walked inside. That might be a new contender in the “Worst Things June Egbert Has Ever Been Called” competition. She led Jake downstairs to her living room. Jake let out a massive heave of relief as he sank into the couch. June sat down beside him. The two sat in awkward silence for a few moments before June finally spoke.

JUNE: sorry about canceling our plans today.
JAKE: Dont worry at all! Id rather youd be in good shape for our little bash.
JAKE: Are you alright by the by? Dirk told me you slept rough last night.
JUNE: pretty much, yeah. I had a bit of a weird nightmare i guess.
JAKE: Ah thats never fun.
JAKE: What was it about?

June paused for a moment before continuing the conversation. Should she open up a bit more about what happened? Could she do that without spilling the beans about everything?

JUNE: well,
JUNE: i don’t really remember what happened, but it left me feeling really…
JUNE: pessimistic i guess?
JAKE: About what?
JUNE: i guess just in general? i’ve felt pretty good about myself for the past couple days since i started going out again.
JUNE: but now i really feel like everything i do feels kinda hopeless.
JUNE: i feel like there’s no real conceivable way i could feel happy about the person that i am.
JUNE: i don’t think there’s anything i can do to feel comfortable in my own skin.
JAKE: …
JAKE: Wow.

Shit, had she said too much?

JAKE: That sounds…
JAKE: Really friggin awful John.
JAKE: Is that was why you were holed up in your house for so long?
JUNE: y-yeah.
JAKE: You know,
JAKE: I kind of know that feeling really well actually.
JUNE: really?
JAKE: Yeah.
JAKE: For a fair portion of my life since we got to this fancy new rock i…
JAKE: Have struggled with issues about my self esteem too.
JAKE: However ive made strides in combating them in recent times.
JUNE: what happened? you always seem so confident on tv.
JAKE: Not everyone is as confident as they seem sometimes John.
JAKE: It was easy for me to act like that on my show because i just really love giving gallivanting performances yknow?
JAKE: But once i stop playing my exaggerated as all hell character it kinda just falls apart.
JAKE: To this day i dont really know why i feel like this. Maybe its because im surrounded by so many ridiculously talented friends who have done so many marvelous things. Compared to some of the insane shit people like jade and dave have done i really havent done much heheh.
JUNE: that’s not true though! the prince and the page is the most successful show of all time!
JUNE: also isn’t skaianet the most valuable company on the planet? well, aside from crockercorp anyway.
JAKE: Youre right on the money john.
JAKE: Sometimes its hard to remember that though. Its really easy to lose sight of some of the bang-up stuff youve done without having someone there to point that stuff out to you.
JAKE: Thats why its important to try and reach out to people.
JAKE: Theres no way i wouldve been able to figure this stuff out if it wasnt for jolly old dirk.
JAKE: Sometimes you need another person to take a gander at things in order to realize what to do when youre troubled.
JAKE: John if theres anything you want to open up to me about you can always feel free to do so.
JAKE: ive always seen you as a brother in a sort of silly male-kinnship way heheh.
JUNE: a brother, huh?
JAKE: You betcha!
JUNE: heheheh.
JUNE: thanks jake, ill…
JUNE: i’ll think about opening up more.
JUNE: i’ll let you know if there’s anything i wanna talk about.
JAKE: Splendid!
JAKE: Now allow me to cease my intrusion on your humble abode. Ive taken up enough of your time for sure at this point. Ill see you tomorrow afternoon!

Jake and June both rose from the couch and returned upstairs. June waved Jake goodbye as he walked to the balcony, presumably adjusting the transportalizer before leaving. June entered her bedroom once again and layed down. If only she could open up. She wished to be able to follow Jake's advice. But she couldn’t. At this point, it was essentially a physical impossibility. She had that harshly confirmed to her last night. She wondered if the previous evening's events had made things worse regarding her ability to come out to others. Maybe that was worth experimenting with. She wanted to be able to come out to people, she just physically was unable to. She had tried talking to Terezi already, and she pretty much knew Jake wouldn’t work given their ectobiological relationship. Who should she try next?

JUNE: …
JUNE: fuck it, let’s try him.

June pulled out her phone and fired up Pesterchum.

–ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering carcinoGenetiscist [CG] at 15:30
GT: hey, karkat?
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
GT: i have something to try telling you.
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN “TRY”.
CG: IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY JUST SAY IT.
GT: right.
GT: karkat?

Why not give it a go at this point? Besides, any opportunity to fuck with Karkat was one she considered worth taking. Him trying to decode the inevitable gibberish she would end up sending him would be fucking hilarious.

…right?

CG: YES?

Why did this feel so much different than before? Unlike when she tried talking to Jade or Terezi, she felt like something was pushing her to do this. What was this feeling? It felt like...
Hope.
She felt Hope that she was able to trust the bond she had formed with Karkat. After all they had been through, they were practically siblings. Siblings in every way except for...
Blood.
If she wasn't able to trust someone like that, would she be able to trust anyone at all? Nervously, her fingers slowly began to type out a sentence she was dying to say.

GT: karkat, i think i'm transgender.
CG: WHAT?

June stared down at her screen, in shock of what she just did.

JUNE: …
JUNE: WHAT????????