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“Where were you?”
He’s barely in the door when Max is on him, glaring him down from the living room door. He shrugs,
“What’s it to you?”
“You we’re supposed to pick me up. From school?”
Billy inwardly winces. There’s no way he’ll be able to frame this that’ll look good. So, he grins, that wide, slightly-creepy grin he does, waggles his eyebrows,
“Had a hot date.” He runs his tongue across his teeth, and thinks about Steve’s fever-induced flirting, “Didn’t have time.”
“That’s it? You forgot about me because some girl caught your eye?” She wrinkles her nose in disgust, takes a step back.
“Nope.” He wonders if he can get her to actually leave him alone if he disgusts her enough, “A boy. And it wasn’t exactly a date. More like..an intimate study session. On human anatomy.” She flinches at that, and he tries not to laugh.
“ Really ?” A voice comes from behind her. Billy’s stomach drops.
“Dad?” He hates the way his voice wavers as his father steps into view,
“Maxine, go to your room. Billy and I have to talk.”
She looks between the two of them, but nods, and hurries to her room.
“Who?” His dad demands. Billy knows whatever he says won’t end well.
“I wasn’t actually-“ he sighs, “I was just trying to get Maxine off my back, you know?”
“You were lying to your sister?”
Billy grimaces, “Not lying . Just-Bending the truth, slightly? To get her to leave me alone.”
“And do you think it’s responsible to be lying to your sister? What kind of example does that set, Billy?”
“I-“ there’s no good answer here. He’s messed it up.
At least he’s no longer asking who Billy was with.
The punches are quick but measured, leaving Billy gasping for air.
“You have to learn to be responsible, Billy. That includes looking after your sister. Do you understand?”
He simply nods. He couldn’t speak if he tried.
“Good. Now, go get cleaned up. Susan kept some dinner back for you. She was worried.”
Billy makes a mental note to thank Susan later on, nodding. He moves slowly to his room, being careful not to twist his torso too quickly. There’s not too much damage this time, but he knows it’ll take a while to heal.
A knock sounds on the other side of his door. It’s not Neil. He’d be in already. He frowns.
None of them ever come in if they can help it.
He flings the door open, finding Max standing there, face red with tears. He pulls her in, slamming the door shut,
“What’s wrong?” He asks. He knows what’s wrong. She’s never heard it before. She’s normally asleep, Neil makes sure of it. But Billy’s a faggot, and he admitted it to someone as a joke. He deserves to be dead in a ditch right now, not just clutching his fast bruising stomach.
“He-“ she squeaks, “did he hit you, Billy?”
He laughs, “Would you believe me if I said no?”
She gives him a look that’s so sad he doesn’t know what to do.
“Look, Max. It’s fine. I’m fine, look?” He twirls dramatically, waving his arms around a bit, with a smile that he hopes looks genuine, but from her face is possibly deranged, “So, just-“ he sighs, “Go back to bed, and you’ll be fine.”
“What? No! You’re..” her lip trembles, “you can’t be ok!”
“Why not?”
“Because your dad just hit you!” She shouts, and it takes all of Billy’s strength not to clap a hand over her mouth,
“Well, Maxine, it’s a little more complicated than that, and in a house like this, it’s probably not a good idea to scream about it, okay?”
Her eyes widen. She nods solemnly.
“Ok. Well, then, I’m going to get my dinner, since I missed it. And you’re going to go back to your room, and we’re both going to go to bed, and pretend this never happened, like everyone else does.”
“Everyone-“ she frowns, her face contorting as she realises what that means, “My mom knows?!” He shushes her,
“Maxine, shut up! Yes, now go to bed!“ and with that, he leaves the room.
Dinner is carrot soup, and it’s pretty good, seeing as it’s Susan’s. He thanks her when he washes up, feeling quite a bit better now he’s eaten. In the morning the bruises will be there and the ache will dull, so he’s ready for that now. He moves to his room, and finds Max still on the edge of his bed, reading Macbeth.
“I like Lady Macbeth.” She says. He laughs, surprised to find it’s genuine.
“Yeah, so do I.” He says, “She’s much better than any of the guys.”
“She’d find a solution to all of this.” She states.
“There..is no solution, Maxine. You know that? This ain’t some storybook. I am not someone who needs saving.”
“Yes, you are.” Tears are in her eyes, again.”
He wonders why she thinks so, “No. I need this.”
“You need to be hit?”
God, she sounds like Steve.
“I need structure. I need to learn how to be responsible. I need to not be-“
“Who you are?” She offers.
“A dick.” He finishes. He supposes it’s the same thing, though.
“You need help, Billy. You need to get away from him.”
“No, Max. I need you to go to bed, and stop talking shit about my dad.”
“Billy, you need to tell someone.”
He sighs, “Maxine. I need another few punches just for allowing this conversation. Go to bed.”
“You-“ the lip is wobbling again, “why would you say that?”
He doesn’t know what he’s done now, “Because you need to go to sleep?”
“You don’t deserve it!“ she sobs, way too loud. He shushes her, “you don’t.” She repeats. He wants to argue, but he also doesn’t want anyone to come in and find them,
“You don’t deserve it,” she’s saying, over and over, “you don’t, you don’t, you don’t,” and she’s crying openly. Billy doesn’t know how to get her to shut up, so he lunges for her, wrapping her up in his arms. She sobs, wrapping her arms around his neck, still repeating the words, although they’re muffled by his body. For some reason, tears spring into his eyes, too. She keeps repeating the words, softer now, and he doesn’t know why, but he remembers his mom, the way she’d used to tell him how no-one deserved pain, but it found them anyway.
He remembers the way she left, and he knows she was wrong. Even she thought he deserved it, in the end.
But he also remembers the way she’d wrap him in a towel on the beach, or wrap a bandage around a nasty scrape. He remembers loving that woman, and how gentle she was.
And for one blindingly clear moment, he wishes she was right.
He tries not to shake as tears stream from his eyes, tightening his grip on his sister. She’s still mumbling those stupid words, so he rocks her, backwards and forwards.
“I know.” He whispers. And he’s not sure who he’s speaking to. But now it’s out, and he knows it’s true. He repeats it, again, and again, until she stops speaking. She relaxes in his arms, and he knows she’s asleep. He tucks her into his bed, pulling a spare blanket onto the floor for himself. He looks at the door. There’s no lock. If his dad saw them..
And, that’s it, isn’t it?
None of this is okay.
and although he believes he does deserve this, he knows like hell Max doesn’t. And if his dad came in, all bets are off on what he’d do.
And that’s not ok.
so he tells her he knows, long after she’s asleep and not listening. He doesn’t believe it, not entirely. But he wants to.
He’s no princess, not yet.
But if he has to see Max cry again, he’ll buy the dress himself.