Chapter Text
He dreamed of that man again, that version of himself who seemed to feel nothing. He had vague knowledge of what made him who he was, but even then it still left him feeling off every time he woke up. This time he'd been surrounded by ice, the cold bit at his fingers, at his nose. That little girl was there, she was upset with him, her arrow aimed at his chest. He could hear himself, could see what brought on his own words. Flashes of a smiling shadowed face with a friendly voice. She refused, he felt relieved, then his body was moving, aiming his rifle at her, telling her she shouldn't exist. A shadow behind her, a shout behind him. His name is roared with rage and then his eye erupts in pain. That pain wakes him this time, sitting bolt upright in bed, hand over his right eye. Next to him, Tsukishima stirs, wrapping his arms tighter around his waist, "Bad dream?" he mumbles, opening one eye to look up at Ogata. "Just.. Weird," Ogata lays back down, Tsukishima pulls him close and kisses his forehead. Ogata smiles, pressing his face to the other man's chest while something in the back of his mind tells him he doesn't deserve this happiness.
They wake up a tangle of limbs as the sun starts to peek through their window. Tsukishima is the first to move to get up, as usual, while Ogata buries his face in the pillows, "Just a few minutes," Tsukishima shakes his head fondly as he gets to his feet.
Ogata is sure he hadn't fallen back asleep when he hears Tsukishima shout, his voice filled with betrayal and anger. He's on his feet and out the door, rushing for the kitchen to make sure he's ok. He gets to the kitchen, out of breath from panic, and there's Tsukishima making breakfast. Nothing out of the ordinary as he turns to smile at Ogata, "Everything alright?" He looks concerned as he sets the spatula down, half turning towards the door. Ogata takes a deep breath before walking to the shorter man, wrapping his arms around him with a huff. Tsukishima accepts the lack of an answer as answer enough and goes back to cooking while Ogata practically hangs off of him. Arms around his waist, chin on his shoulder.
After a short while, Ogata finally decides to speak up, "You've been in my dreams.. But I'm a different me," Tsukishima's lips quirk up at the corner, "I'd hope you dream about me," He teases and Ogata huffs in amusement. "Well, you're not my boyfriend in these dreams," He trails off, not sure how to explain what their connection is, not sure how to navigate the feelings his dream self refuses to confront. Tsukishima waits, knowing there's more to be said. "It's like there was something, but my dream self messed it up, I think?" Ogata makes a confused face, feelings that aren't his swirl in his head as he presses his face to Tsukishima's neck. His voice comes out muffled, "Don't want to think about it.." Tsukishima smiles and scruffs Ogata's hair, making the other man relax behind him. Ogata turns his face again to watch Tsukishima continue cooking, thankful he hadn't pressed the issue. They eat in comfortable silence before Tsukishima has to get ready for work, Ogata is off today and after being a pest while Tsukishima tries to shower he settles on the couch with a fresh mug of coffee and a book.
Throughout the day he tidies up around the apartment, puts out laundry to dry, and preps food for dinner. He ends up falling asleep on the couch while waiting for Tsukishima to get home.
Ogata wakes up, and someone is sitting by his head. He peeks up carefully and sees an oddly relaxed Tsukishima, his hand resting lightly on Ogata's hair. Doing his best to not let the older man notice he's awake, Ogata relishes in the comfort of the situation. How he wound up here he's not sure.. Last he remembered he was dying in some Ainu home, last he heard Tsukishima was dying too. Maybe they had both died and had to share their hell.. This felt too comfortable though, "I know you're awake," Why does he sound so fond? ".. What gave me away?" He jokes as Tsukishima starts to pet his hair and, oh.. That's quite nice.. "You think too loud," he smiles down at Ogata who is caught for a moment by just how dazzling the site is. "... Are we dead?" Tsukishima looks confused at him before pressing the back of his hand to his forehead. Ogata sits up suddenly, "What are you doing?" He shifts away when Tsukishima reaches for him again, looking.. Hurt? "Ogata? What's wrong?" His skin crawls, why does he sound like he cares? What is going on? Looking around, Ogata doesn't recognize where he is, nothing looks right. "Where..." He looks at himself, what was he wearing? Tsukishima is looking at him like he's lost his mind, and maybe he has.. He stands, walking restlessly around the room they are in. There are photographs of.. Of them. Smiling out of small frames is his own face. Often pictures of the two of them, pressed close, looking so happy. Ogata holds up one of the photos, his head turning like he's looking over his shoulder at Tsukishima, but his eyes never leave their still faces, "When was this taken?" Tsukishima stands then, cautiously coming closer then, and looks at the photo, "That was.. Our third anniversary." "Third.." Ogata looks almost surprised at the photo. His photograph self is looking at Tsukishima like he put the stars in the sky. A feeling of warmth washes over him, something he can't describe, something he tells himself he doesn't need. He stares at the photo silently while Tsukishima watches him.
"Do I.. Make you happy?" He can't stop the question once he starts to ask. Tsukishima shifts closer, their arms almost touching, "Yes." Ogata looks at him then, looking for a sign it's a lie, but all he sees is genuine concern. This man could never be his Tsukishima, he'd long since missed his opportunity for anything resembling this.
"You're the one he dreams of, aren't you? The one who leaves him feeling off?" Ogata looks away then, "I must be," he says before setting the photo down. He even makes this strange version of himself feel wrong, he really must be cursed, he chuckles bitterly, "Ogata.."
"what's he like? What kind of life does he lead?" He's not sure why he wants to know, but he still asks. Tsukishma moves back to the couch and sits, patting the spot next to him, Ogata silently complies.
Over the next few hours, Tsukishima tells him what he can about this Ogata, about himself as well when needed to fit their pieces together. Ogata listens intently, struck by just how similar it all is while also being vastly different. It's late by the time Tsukishima runs out of things to tell him and he's out of questions to ask.
Tsukishima stands and stretches, looking down the hallway, "I need to get some sleep for work in the morning. Can I.. Get you a blanket? Do you want to join me?" He sounds uncertain about the situation and Ogata can't stop his laugh, "Join you?" Tsukishima flushes, looking cute in a way Ogata could never have imagined, "You're still my boyfriend," He tries to shrug it off, like the situation isn't unbelievable. Like he isn't a complete stranger in a familiar body. Ogata takes a moment but decides he'd rather be close to Tsukishima, even if he isn't his. He gives into the idea of comfort, just for tonight.
"I'll join you," Tsukishima nods and leads him down the hall, tossing him clothes to sleep in once they get in the room. In a new set of strange clothes, Ogata looks at the bed, their bed, and knows it'll be softer than he's used to, but looks very comfortable. Tsukishima is already under the covers, that just makes it look more inviting. Ogata shuffles into the bed and gets comfortable, laying on his side facing Tsukishima who's doing the same, facing him. They don't speak as they shift closer, fitting into each other's space as Ogata lets out a shaky breath. Tsukishima fits perfectly in his arms as they press their foreheads together, "I don't know the situation fully, but.. I know I could never truly hate my Ogata.." Tsukishima says into the small space between them. Ogata stays silent as their position changes, Tsukishima shifts to press his face to Ogata's chest. Ogata holds him tighter for a moment, a barely noticeable tensing of his arms, "Thank you.." he whispers, not sure if he wants to be heard. Tsukishima doesn't respond and after a few moments, Ogata can feel that he's fallen asleep. He wonders, as he starts to drift off, if he'll wake up here again.
Ogata wakes in the morning, rubbing his cheek against Tsukishima's short hair affectionately till the other man finally stirs, "Did you carry me to bed?" Ogata chuckles softly, it wouldn't have been the first time. Tsukishima looks up at him, blinking a few times before yawning, "You're back.. That's good," He presses his face back to Ogata's chest, "You walked to bed yourself... well, the other you, that you dream about." Ogata shifts back enough to look at Tsukishima's face, suddenly serious, "That's not very funny.." Tsukishima looks back, just as serious, "I wasn't joking." He proceeds to tell Ogata about the night before, and despite how strange it sounds he believes him. Finding out that version of him is, or he guesses was, real is like a punch in the gut.
Ogata never dreams of him again after this, and he's not sure if he's happy for it or not.