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Papyrus sat in the snow.
Beside him rested a canister of lubricant and a damp cloth. He'd gotten dressed in an absolutely unnecessary outfit; his usual clothes with an apron over it, as well as a change of gloves, which were currently sinking into the freshly-fallen snow, leaving them soaked. All extra steps that any normal person would not think to be involved with mailbox cleaning.
Come to think of it, very few people regularly cleaned their mailboxes.
Papyrus often loitered around Snowdin during the day, when he had spare time, wandering around the neighborhood and taking trips to the library, and not once had he ever seen a mailbox as pristine as his. That's why taking it upon himself was not only helping him sleep soundly, but the rest of the residents of Snowdin as well, with cleaner mailboxes than any of them could've dreamed.
He saved his and Sans' for last since they were both the least amount of work, and the most. For one, Sans never cared to clean his own. Overflowing with junk mail, Papyrus made a point to line them all up after wiping it inside and out, and stick up the little mail flag, so that surely after seeing it day after day after day, he'd take the mail inside and finally sort through it.
Once, he'd complained to Sans about just that, even offering to do it for him, but Sans chuckled and informed him that opening other people's mail was illegal, so even if he wanted to let him, he couldn't. And of course, he listened.
His own, however, was easier to clean. Much easier. And emptier.
"Hey, bro. You're not gonna congratulate me?" Sans stood in the doorway, looking down at a very dejected Papyrus.
"Whatever for?"
He shut the door behind him and cautiously stepped into the snow. "For coming outside." Sans outstretched an arm. "Need a hand...?"
Papyrus scoffed, ignoring Sans' snickering and standing with his help. "That's not an accomplishment! You come outside every day! Sort of, at least."
"Hey, this time I stepped in the snow." He yawned and stretched his arms over his head. "Whatcha' doing up so early?"
"It's noon, Sans."
"Eh, whatever."
"Hey, have you ever seen the mailman? Or mailwoman?" Papyrus brushed himself off. "I don't think I've seen them."
Sans wondered for a second why Papyrus cared, but then realized he himself didn't care very much. "Like, ever? Yeah. I think it's one of those Snowdrakes. Says he's trying to earn some money to 'start up his comedic career,' or whatever."
Papyrus laughed.
"You really know everyone, don't you? How is that? You never get out of the house!"
"It's my natural charisma and charm." He winked. "The people love me."
Papyrus rolled his eyes. "That's your answer to everything!"
He picked up his supplies and brushed the snow off them, balancing them between the short gap between the two mailboxes. His boots were sturdy and didn't let any water seep through, while Sans was slowly sinking into the snow, ruining his slippers, and not caring for one darn second.
"I mean, it's true, isn't it...? But anyway, why the mailman? You got something against him? You got a bo–"
"I already know what you're going to say, and I don't want to hear it! Please, if you insist on making puns every seven seconds, at least make them original!"
Sans opened the door and held it open. "Just for you bro, I'll come up with more. I know how much you love my jokes." He started to close it, then opened it again, having forgotten something. "Oh. And come inside when you're done, geez. It's freezing, and you're supposed to have the day off. I'll have the TV warmed up for you."
Papyrus smiled and waved him off, still looking back to the two mailboxes.
"Maybe if I stay out here early enough, I could say hi to the mailman. After all, delivering everything Sans receives must be a handful..." he mumbled to himself.
His mailbox was marked in a neat font, shining, and pitifully empty.
Papyrus kicked at the snow, promptly wiping it off the box's pole. "How come I never get any mail? Even if my friend quantity is rather low, I'm sure someone could've sent me something!"
He tucked in the letters one last time, pushing them and holding them there the best he could in a futile attempt to close it. His own was easy to close.
"Maybe they get lost...?"
Shoving and shoving and more shoving, and still, letters stuck out, firmly packed. A single letter got caught in between the hinges and bent.
"Gadzooks!" He frantically pulled it out in an attempt to straighten it. The crease remained, but faltered, still noticeable. This letter was addressed to Sans and supposedly sent from something called "S.E.C."
Looking down at the letter hatched an idea in his mind.
Darting his eyes around, checking for any witnesses who might report his heinous crime, he gingerly placed the envelope into his own mailbox. He then turned around, whistled nonchalantly for a few seconds, and then spun on the heel and gasped.
"Oh my goodness!" He exclaimed, in a stilted tone. "It appears I've received a letter! What a surprise!"
He looked around once again and pulled it out, pulling it into his chest.
"How kind of my friend to send me this!"
He reveled in his delusion for a few moments longer and then threw the letter back into his mailbox. Satisfied with his childish endeavors, he giggled and went back inside.
__________________
Springing out of bed a mere four and a half seconds after his alarm started beeping, Papyrus shut it off and put his boots on.
At six in the morning, the house was eerily quiet. If he leaned up against his bedroom door, he could hear Sans snoring, but otherwise, his (lack of) ears hummed attempting to adjust to the silence.
As stealthily as possible, he tip-toed to the door, opening it and grimacing at the slow creak, and then hopping out into the snow to check the mail. They were splendidly clean– glimmering, even– and were still just as empty and just as full. But this time, Papyrus's had the mail flag sticking up, which was his own doing, yet he still acted surprised.
He gasped dramatically and nearly ran into it, pulling out the previously placed envelope and creating yet another over-the-top scene for himself.
"Oh my gosh! Another letter! How delightful!"
He spun around, cherishing it once again.
"Soon enough, I'll have to write a letter back!"
He sighed happily and placed the letter back into the mailbox. His mailbox, of course. Seeing the letter in the shiny hunk of metal, two days in a row, seemed almost sad. After all, Sans got letters nearly every single day, and he never got any. Besides, it was all irrelevant junk mail that had been there since they moved in. One or two had even been there since before.
So... surely there wasn't any harm in taking one more?
Papyrus stood the letter up and then went over to Sans' box. The letters were neatly lined and filed in no particular order, since junk mail was junk mail and even Papyrus had standards. Repeating his newly forming habit of checking to make sure the coast was clear, he took another envelope from the box and quietly slipped it into his own.
This time, it was hurried excitement; slight panic. The air seemed to blow a bit colder as he stared at the letters, laying nearly flat on the surface of the box, since they didn't have anything to hold them up. He kneeled to see the letters at eye level.
"See? Now... Now you have a friend! Isn't that absolutely dapsolutely fantastic?" he cried into the now slightly less lonely box. "Yes... Yes! W-Wonderful!"
He hopped back up onto his feet, shaking off his boots on the steps. He hurriedly closed the mailboxes and glanced at his wrist to check the time, pretending not to notice the blatant lack of wristwatch.
"Well, that's enough of that for today! I'll think I'll go inside and get started on breakfast! Then I'll wake Sans up, make him eat, and then we can get started with our chores, and everything will go according to schedule!" Papyrus bellowed out a forced chuckle to no one before stepping inside.
That was a close one.
__________________
"Hey bro, you know you don't have to check the mail every day, right?"
Papyrus froze, having nearly dropped the plate he was washing. And from his four-foot-tall stool, it definitely would've broken.
He'd been visiting the little spot outside their house every day for the past three days, the first and second day taking a letter, and the third day, even meeting the mailman— an arrogant and sleepy Snowdrake, as Sans had said— and taking the letter from him before he could even place it in the box. His mailbox was at its highest occupancy— an entire three letters.
All addressed to Sans, all marked with things he didn't care to read, and all from less than a month ago.
Sans rooted through the kitchen cabinets beneath the counters, clinking ketchup bottles around to find a specific one that was identical to every single other bottle in his strange stash. "I don't think they even come by every day. 'Sides, today's Sunday."
"Oh, of course!" Papyrus yelled nervously, letting go of a forced breath. He rinsed the dish in his hand and then went on to the next, getting through a few before speaking again. "I suppose today, I'll refrain. A-After all, I have plenty of other things that need to be done."
"Alrighty. Want a drink?" he asked, holding a ketchup bottle up to Papyrus, who was too high up to properly see his face without tipping over.
"No, but thank you for offering! I'll just... I'll finish here."
"Kay, then. Whatever floats your boat. Hey, wanna hear a joke?"
The dreaded question.
Normally, Papyrus wouldn't even allow him to finish his sentence before not-so-politely declining, leaving Sans to shrug it off and go back to wandering around. Thinking about the letters, though...
"Sure! Why not?" Surely the right decision, no...?
It gave him a little hint that something was up, but he decided not to pry. "Cool. One time, I rubbed ketchup in my eyes."
Papyrus nearly tripped and set his things down in the sink. "Sans, why in the world would you–!"
"In Heinz-sight, it was a bad idea."
Sans chuckled and Papyrus groaned.
"Sans, that was—"
"Wait, one more. Why did the tomato blush?"
Something in his head told him to humor his humor. "Tell me. Why did the tomato—"
"It saw the salad dressing."
"Sans! No!"
"Okay, okay, I'm done. Don't worry," he cracked in between laughter. "That was it. Just wanted to bug you for a bit."
The bad jokes put both their minds at ease. Papyrus decided to leave the letters alone for today.
__________________
Papyrus began to wonder if he could cast spells absentmindedly.
It was nighttime, so it was supposed to be dark. The sun had set a couple of hours ago, and the two brothers had been watching the latest episode of Mettaton's show. The two of them often watched the show on Monday nights, once everything had been done and Papyrus allowed the both of them to relax.
Tonight, he couldn't relax.
He'd already resolved to avoid taking more letters from his brother's mail, already feeling uneasy about the whole thing, but simply thinking of the few he'd left there was slowly killing him inside. He had been just about to go and move them back to their proper place when Sans dragged him inside to watch TV, claiming he'd worked enough for one day.
Unable to decline, he'd regrettably joined him on the couch, spending the first twenty minutes of the show scouring his brain for any reason to leave outside to remedy said situation.
And then the show stopped. And so did the lights.
Maybe he'd done it somehow?
"Sans? Sans, where are you? Are you alright?" he called out into the darkness.
"Bro, I'm right here."
"Right where...?!"
"Right next to you. On the couch. Y'know, like I was two seconds ago...?"
Papyrus moved his hand out to the right of him, feeling his brother's sweater almost immediately. "Oh! I... suppose I jumped to conclusions. But now, instead, I will jump off this couch and retrieve a candle to guide us through this blinding prison..."
He stumbled forward, knowing where the kitchen was and retrieving the mental image, but miscalculating by about six feet and running straight into the table near the door. He hit his arms against the counter behind him, setting his hands out behind him to avoid any major injuries.
"Hey, what happened? You alright?" asked Sans, having heard the crash.
"I-I'm fine! Owie... I assure you that I can find my way to the cupboards without any other incidents!"
"You sure about that, man?"
He stood up and felt around for the cabinets, pulling out an old candle. "Positive!" Papyrus lit the candle and set it on the table. Now, having the room lit enough to not crash into things, Sans got up and walked up to him.
"Ok. So now that we got that taken care of, why don't we go check outside?"
"Ah! Yes, it would be best to diagnose the problem, would it not?" Papyrus ran outside, straight past the front of the house and out near the shed where the breaker was, hoping that Sans would be more focused on catching up to him than checking the mail.
When Sans finally did catch up, Papyrus panicked and aborted his plan to swap the letters out now. "Sorry I'm late. Oh. Seems like we both had the same idea, huh?"
He moved Papyrus aside and opened the breaker, running a finger along the side of the switches and checking for any flipped ones. "Sometimes kids come around here and play with this sorta stuff, so it's good to check it."
"Yes, of course! And if not the breaker, what else could it be?" he asked, anxiously waiting by his side. He truly didn't know what else it could be.
"Huh. You know what's funny, bro?"
"What?" Pain. Agony.
"None of the switches are flipped. I think if... Oh, wait. I think I might know what it is." Sans began to walk away and over to the front of the house.
"Wait! Wh-Where are you going?"
"I'm gonna check the mail."
"No! Um, I mean– Why? The-The mail doesn't come this late! And it doesn't–"
"I forgot to check it this morning. I think I might've–"
Papyrus ran in front of the mailboxes, blocking them off.
"I checked it for you!"
"Papyrus, move." Sans brushed him off to the side. "I don't see why you're so worked up about this. I mean, few minutes ago, I couldn't see at all, heheh–"
"I–! I have a confession to make!" He moved over and bowed his head low. "I... I got a letter."
Sabs blinked in confusion. "From someone? Cool, but why is that–"
"No. I got a letter from your mail."
Papyrus opened his mailbox and pulled out three envelopes and handed them to Sans. "I-I'm not sure why I was compelled to do so, but..." Sans flipped through them. One was a junk letter from two weeks ago, one was a bill from the week prior, and the last, marked 'Final Notice,' was sent two days ago.
"Let me get this straight. You pulled letters from my mail, put 'em into yours, and then the important ones got mixed in there?"
"Yes. I'm very, very sorry." He felt like bursting into tears.
"Well, that explains it. I didn't see the letters, so there goes the electric bill. Why'd you do it?"
Sans tucked the letters into his jacket pocket, waiting for Papyrus to come back from his mind to answer.
"I don't know."
"You don't know...?"
"I don't want to say."
Sans sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. "Look, buddy. It's not all that bad. It's about time for bed anyway, if you don't mind skipping tonight's story, and if you're hungry, we can stop by Grillby's. I can pay it tomorrow and it'll be fine."
"Okay," Papyrus sniffed. "I'm sorry."
"I'll forgive you if you tell me why you did it. And if you treat us to dinner," he said, nudging him with his elbow and earning a weak laugh.
"Okay then." He wiped his eyes. "You had so many letters, and I wanted to have one and I figured you wouldn't mind, since you never check your mail anyway! It was wrong of me, and I'd take it back if I could, and I didn't think you'd... I was going to put them back..."
"Well, now you know. Also, I do check my mail, which is the only way we get the bills paid on time," he said, stern.
Papyrus sniffed.
The frustration dissipated as he sighed. "But I can tell you're sorry, so why don't we forget about this for now?" He patted him on the back and led him down the walkway and to the street. "Let's go get something to eat. I, for one, am famished."
This was something that would need to be handled later.
__________________
It was later, and after spending a few minutes digging through his drawers to find a paper and pencil, Sans sat on his bed, preparing to write.
If it was going to be a letter to Papyrus from somebody else, it had to be someone believable. It couldn't be from him directly, and it had to address the issue at hand.
"Ah."
An idea.
__________________
Cleaning the mailboxes lost its luster.
Papyrus was left wallowing in negative feelings yet again, only of a slightly different sort, and one that was more his fault. Even though the incident hadn't been discussed since the lights went back on, he could almost feel holes being burned into his skull by the knowledge that it happened. It was embarrassing, and he preferred to forget it.
He ignored the upturned carrier signal, assuming it'd been left like that since Monday, but then recoiled in shame upon seeing a letter inside.
"Did I forget one? Was I sleepwalking and decided to take another one?" The theory, of course, was absurd. "How could I? What if it's important again, shame on me!"
He examined the letter.
"How typical of me. And I still think I can be royal guard material? In this sorry state? Let's see... 'To Papyrus, From Santa Claus.'"
He started to move it to the next box before taking a second glance.
"Santa Claus mistook my brother for me...? Of course. It's the only explanation!"
He threw it into Sans' mailbox and turned away, crossing his arms.
He waited a total of three seconds before snatching it back and ripping it open.
"But I certainly doubt that's the case!"
All Sans saw was a Papyrus-shaped blur slam the door, run past him and into his room, and yell out something about needing to write.
Mission accomplished.
__________________
"Are you sure this is the right address?"
"Yup."
Papyrus looked down at his letter. "But Mr. Claus lives in the North Pole. Why do I always have to address it to a house here in Snowdin?"
"See, it's like a P.O. box. You can't send letters directly there, because it's supposed to be a secret," Sans lied through his teeth.
"Oh... Makes sense to me!" He tucked his letter into the mailbox. "Now we just have to wait for him to receive it. I'm going to write my letters to Undyne and Alphys, so I'm going inside. Are you coming?"
"I'll be there in a bit. I'm gonna check my mail." After this, Papyrus quietly slipped inside, allowing Sans the liberty to open the mailbox again and take the letter.
"What do we have here...?"
"Yup." Sans smiled. More. "This one's going on the floor right next to the rest."