Work Text:
First, it was dark.
It was quiet, and she knew she was somewhere, something somewhere, she thought, maybe? She couldn't hear anything. Anything at all, which was strange because she could've sworn she was saying something. Her mouth was moving, and she felt the air leave her lungs, but she couldn't hear anything.
She thought it was okay, at first, because she couldn't freak out. Freaking out only makes things worse. She tapped her foot on the ground, and still, no noise. Was she deaf? Blind? There was no noise and no sound and it terrified her. Was she sitting or standing? Was there a chair? Maybe some rope, like a kidnapping victim? She wouldn't know, because she couldn't feel anything but cold air hit the back of her neck.
She moved her hand to touch it, and she couldn't feel anything, on her hand or her neck.
She couldn't feel or see or hear and don't freak out, whatever you do, don't freak out-
And then there was some sort of light.
It looked like the clubroom, she thought. Cold and sterile, but still the clubroom. And there was Natsuki, and Yuri, and Monika, and everyone, and thank God they're alright.
Sayori tried turning her head to look around, failing once again, seeing nothing but the room in front of her. She was trapped, and she still couldn't hear or feel, but at least her friends were okay. As long as her friends were okay, she was okay, and where she was, was the question.
It has to be somewhere. If I'm here, it's somewhere. Am I still in school?
Even her thoughts were quiet. It felt more like reading a script, than hearing the little inner voice she'd learned to rely on. It scared her, to say the least, but she kept her composure.
What's happening?
She never wanted to hear something more badly in her entire life. She'd always yelled at her head to shut up, but now it did and she didn't like it.
Something about the whole thing felt off. She was seeing Yuri and Natsuki talk about books, but she felt like she'd seen it before.
Deja-vu?
And she came in the middle of it, telling them about the great things of both their literature.
Is that me…?
Sayori started going on about the complexity of Yuri's novels, and she could read the words she was saying.
In a pink box of text.
That's not me… That can't be me-!
And it wasn't, really, but she didn't know that.
Everything was words; blocks of text. Her thoughts, her speech; she was speaking right in front of herself and she still couldn't hear it.
Don't freak out, don't freak out, don't freak out, don't freak out!
She freaked out.
She tried to scream, and she still couldn't hear anything.
All she could see were blocks of text.
"I'm really sorry for this… I didn't think it'd be so agonizing…"
Monika?
She could hear a voice.
Is that you?
She couldn't see her or hear her, and she honestly didn't know if the same went for Monika.
"Oh, so you can hear me, wow. Hehe, this whole thing is pretty experimental, so I wasn't sure if you'd be able to hear me. I did want to try, though."
Can you hear me?
…
Can you hear me? Monika, plea-
"Hahaha! Yes, I can hear you just fine. Sorry for messing with you there, I couldn't help myself."
Where are you?
"Where are you? I can't see you very well… Oh wait, there you are! Wow, it really worked… This should make things a lot easier."
Monika? What are you talking about? Do you know what's going on?
"Oh, right. I forgot that you weren't exactly up to date with all this stuff. I don't think it matters though, because you're not even real."
What? Are you okay?
"Hahaha… If I'm being honest, no. You're gone, and so are Natsuki and Yuri. It's not too big a deal, since you were never exactly here anyway… But I'm still getting adjusted, so forgive me."
What do you mean I'm "gone"?
"I replaced you. It was pretty easy, once I got the hang of it. You were the first one I tried it on, so it might still be a bit messed up. But you were always messed up, weren't you? It seems so strange to me, that you could've been anything they wanted you to be, and they still made you broken."
Wait, hold on! Why can I only hear you? And why can I see myself? Is this recorded?
"I wish it was recorded. That'd make things a whole lot easier. Flatter. No, that's not really you, but then again, nothing was really you, so-"
Monika, you're not okay. What's wrong? Why are you acting so-
"Crazy? Weird? Evil, maybe? It doesn't matter. I liked you, Sayori. I really did. I cried when I found out."
Found out? Found what out?
"Don't you get it? This is all a game! There's nothing real in this anymore. Even I'm just a block of code. It's exasperating and you wouldn't understand."
A game? What do you mean by-
"It doesn't matter. You're stuck there, and I'm not going to waste my time explaining it. You're not even Sayori. Not the real one. Even though you were never real. See? It's too complicated. Just sit back and enjoy the show."
…
So she sat in the dark, in the quiet, watching as she herself acted naturally, except for the fact that she wasn't even a part of it.
"Fine. Even if you're not real, you're still my friend. Or at least, you were. You're gone, Sayori. So are Yuri and Natsuki. They're probably feeling something similar."
Where are they?
"I don't know. They could be right next to you, or on the other side of the script and you wouldn't know. I don't know because I haven't checked yet. I wanted to see how you were doing first."
"Actually… I don't think I should explain it too much. I'll just end up scaring you."
I'm already pretty scared…
"I know. I know, I- I'm sorry. It's not your fault. You couldn't do anything except for what you were designed to do. Same goes for the other girls. This whole literature club was a stupid idea. We would've never known, had I not wanted to break out of my rut."
"It's nobody's fault but my own, so this is what I get. You don't deserve this."
…
"Hehehe… Look at me, going on about how this is unfair to you. You're not even real and I'm still trying to show you sympathy. It's a waste of time, really."
"They were my friends, you too, and I loved you all. I'd say ignorance is bliss, but I'm not sure if that artificial nonsense was any better. At least I know there's something out there. I didn't want to poke around too much, before I got the hang of all this, but I figured deleting your file would've been a good first step."
File? My file?
"You're just a block of code. Like me, and like Yuri and Natsuki. Switching out your file was easy. You were my first try, actually. Thank God it worked, right?"
None of it made any sense to Sayori. But she could finally hear something, even if it was Monika's hollow laughter stretching across the place. Hearing her voice kept the quiet at bay, and that was calming enough on its own.
"I know it's hard to keep up with it, but I've been trying to stop caring about you. All of you. I guess the easiest thing to do is…"
…
And it was quiet again. It was quiet and cold, and there was nothing. Had she turned it off? There was no light anymore, either. It was too quiet and it started to hurt. She couldn't touch it to make the pain better.
It hurts all over…
Monika? Can you hear me?
Say something!
Please, say something!
I can't take it!
Time passed. She couldn't tell how long, but time passed. It was dark and quiet and it was too much and not enough. She couldn't even hear the gentle clicking she'd heard when Monika appeared.
She must really be gone…
Then she started to cry. She wanted to, at least, but she couldn't feel her tears, or even her breaths. She could only feel cold.
"Sayori?"
And the pain stopped. She was hyperventilating, she thought, but she still couldn't feel it.
Monika… You're back…
"I never left. I just needed to show you, and myself that I don't care anymore. Because you're not real. I'm glad I did it, Sayori. I'm glad you couldn't even cry."
Monika… Please. Don't leave again. It hurt so badly.
"I know, Sayori. I'm going to leave."
No, please. I thought I was going to die.
"You already are dead."
No…
"And the other you will be in a bit."
Please. Stay here, I can't take it when you leave…
"Aww, that makes it sound like you like my company! How sweet. It's too bad, though. How am I going to care about you if you're not even real? It doesn't matter to me if it hurts you. There's no way it'll matter, either. You'll be here for as long as you need, and then if things go right, you'll be stuck here forever."
Forever? Please, no, Monika! You can't! Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhh!
"Are you trying to scream? I can't hear it. I can read it, though. It's very interesting. I went to check on the others, and they're not putting up as much of a fight as you are. Hahaha! But you always were a fighter, weren't you?"
Don't leave! Please!
"I have to. How am I supposed to win his heart if I'm not present?"
You're cruel, Monika. You're fucking cruel.
"Whoa! Sayori! I've never heard you swear! Language! Hahaha, then again, I didn't hear it this time, either. I can't hear you, but I can read what you're saying. I guess it's understandable. I am being a bit cruel. What does it matter, though?"
I wasted a swear word on you. It felt dirty, even to think it.
"Hahaha! You're so funny, Sayori! You always were such a bundle of sunshine, huh? Not so easy being cheerful now, is it?"
…
"I'm going to leave now, okay?"
No, please! Wait!
And she left. And the pain started up again.
After a few days, it wasn't so bad.
It became numb and dull. She could still see everything that was going on. Things had started changing in ways she'd never imagined. She still couldn't breathe, but somehow, she was alive.
Or at least, as alive as she could be.
…
"Sayori…?"
I feel like coughing. I don't think I could even do that.
"The past few days were tough on you, huh?"
Why do you care? You're going to leave me in pain again soon, anyway. I feel bad for Yuri and Natsuki. You're doing the same thing to them, aren't you?
"I… Yes."
I knew it. Just go away. You weren't going to come back, anyway.
…
"I can come visit you. You know, when I'm not busy."
…
"It should make things a little easier for you. Maybe give you some relief."
...
"I'm sorry."
For a moment, Sayori could imagine that she could smile.
Thank you.