Work Text:
“You goddamn Toad!” Steve yells at the massive wall sized T.V. screen, waving the little white remote emphatically. But, of course, nothing happens. The mushroom guy sits in one place, a dice blinking above his head.
Steve is sitting on the floor in the Stark Tower media room JARVIS had suggested he try Mario Party when he had informed the AI he was bored. He’d seen Bucky play and wanted to learn for when his fella returned from a mission with Clint.
So far, it was not going well. Set up alone had taken forever. Even with JARVIS’ help.
“Sir, would you like me to direct you on how to play the game?” JARVIS asks over the rooms speakers.
“I’m fine, JARVIS. Thanks.” Steve grits out while shaking the controller harder.
“Move!” Steve orders, still flailing around with his remote. The stubborn red and white polka dot capped character on the screen refuses to move.
“Screw you too!” Steve barks just as a slender hand wraps around his flailing limb.
“It doesn’t work like that, Cap.” Natasha says from right behind him. He can hear the amused smirk in her voice.
All the fight and ire goes out of Steve like air out of a balloon. Well, a lot of it.
“It won’t work!” Steve snaps.
Natasha just tsks at him and takes the remote from his hand. “Well first, you have to point the remote at the screen.” She says pointedly turning the remote around. She’s holding out what Steve thought was the antenna as she says, “This goes around your wrist so you don’t lose the remote.”
Steve obediently slips his hand through the cord and takes the remote. It’s almost too tight for his big hands, but he thinks it’ll do. Once Natasha is satisfied that he is holding the controller correctly she shows Steve how to roll the dice.
“It’s just an up down movement.” She instructs, demonstrating with her own remote. “Your movement has to be specific.”
Steve copies her wrist movement. He doesn’t get it right away. But after cursing whoever invented motions sensors, he suspects it was Howard, the little toad jumps to bump his head against the scrolling dice. The scrolling slows until is stops on the number 2.
“Are you kidding me!” Steve demands. Natasha smirks. Somehow Steve finds that more calming than if she had actually tried to calm him.
The Toad moves forward two spaces and Steve gets three coins. He tries not to look smug about it. He isn’t very successful, if the way Natasha rolls her eyes says anything.
The remaining characters make their moves and a screen that says ‘Mini Game’ pops up. “What?” Steve says uncertainly.
He gets through the title screen for the mini game with minimal difficulty thanks to Natasha’s help. Then suddenly the game is beginning.
His toad is in a ravine driving a boat with the annoying Italian guy and he doesn’t know how to control it. He tries to direct the boat to go where he wants it to go, but nothing happens.
“Come on!” Steve grumbles at the screen. He needs the boat to go left so he gestures it far to the left, but suddenly he’s going right. “No. Wrong way you little shit!”
“You hold the remote sideways, Steve.” Natasha comments from beside him.
“I am!” Steve argues stubbornly. Gesturing his remote even farther to the left. Natasha is about to reach over to help but Steve is stubborn,
If only the motion sensors were more intuitive. Whose bright idea were these things anyway? Oh, right, his money was on Howard.
“Fucking Howard.” Steve growls as he jerks the remote far harder than he should have too to keep it from Natasha. The next thing Steve knows the boat veers to the left as the strap around his wrist snaps. He looks up to see the remote embedded in the T.V. screen.
Steve stares at the screen with wide eyes while Natasha swears under her breath in Russian. Just as Steve is thinking there isn’t a single way things could get worse, things get worse.
“Maria? Let me get back to you? I have to see why Cap is cursing.” Tony’s voice says from the hall. “Not that I’m not for having a national hero bad mouth my dad. But I thought you guys were-”
Steve never finds out what Tony thought Steve and Howard were. Stark freezes in the doorway before finding his voice.
“What the hell?” Stark asks flatly, staring at his broken T.V in horror.
Steve hangs his head and turns to Tony to apologize. Beginning with, “I’m sorry, Tony. There was an accident.”
“An accident!” Tony exclaims. “Steve, you killed it! Why did you kill it?”
“He was playing Mario Party.” Natasha provides helpfully.
“And he decided that the game was best played by putting the controller in the T.V.?” Tony asks disbelievingly.
“Of course not!” Steve starts to defend himself. “I just lost control of the remote.”
To his credit Stark sighs. Takes a moment to pinch the bridge of his nose and look at Natasha doubtfully. Then goes on as if his friends destroy things that cost him thousands of dollars on a daily basis. Which is kind of the truth.
“JARVIS!” Stark calls to his AI. “Order a new Ultra HD 4k thing from LG. I want the special order 150 inch screen. Send the usual files and updates to put in it. Make sure they can’t steal the data. And tell them I want the T.V. tomorrow! Actually, make it two!”
“Of course, Sir.” The polished voice of the AI says from overhead. “Shall I also order a new Wii controller? Preliminary analysis indicates the impact shattered the chips inside.”
“Of course, of course.” Tony says waving a hand dismissively. Then after a moment adds “Also, search e-bay and the other usual suspects for a mint condition Game Cube or two. Perhaps Superman here won’t throw a wired controller.”
Finally, Stark turns back to Steve and in a much calmer voice says, “Now, what did my father do to make you throw a Wii controller into the T.V.?”
“Uh. I assume he was somehow involved in inventing motion sensor technology?” Steve offers sheepishly.
Tony shrugs. “Yeah, but his models sucked. So I reinvented it.” Then he turns to Natasha and says, “You’ll have to do video game lessons tomorrow, sorry.”
Natasha smiles making Steve wonder if he needs to protect Tony or himself more. All she says is, “Good.”
It takes exactly forty five minutes for Natasha to give up on Steve the next afternoon. The only improvement Steve manages with Natasha is not putting another controller through the T.V. She’d even moved him to Mario Kart, saying it was simpler. But there was nothing for it, Steve just wasn’t learning to use game logic.
After the tenth round of “Where the hell am I Natasha!” Black Widow had had enough.
“I’m sorry, Steve.” Natasha says. “But I don’t think that I can help you. Maybe ask James when he gets back.”
Steve thanks her for her help, because he knows it isn’t her fault he’s awful. And then sets to learning how to play Mario Kart with a single mindedness only held by Captain America.
That’s how Bucky finds him an hour later. Swearing at the screen because the “Damn shells keeping knocking me off the road.”
“I hear you made Natasha flip her wig over a video game.” Bucky says as he sits on the couch beside Steve.
“Yeah.” Steve replies without tearing his eyes from the screen. His jaw is set in a hard line. “Oh come on!” Steve adds a second later as he slips on yet another banana peel and gets stuck against a wall.
Bucky chuckles under his breath and says, “Aren’t even going to stop to say hi, are you?”
“Can’t.” Steve grunts without breaking his eyes from the screen. “Have to finish the round first. Otherwise you don’t go anywhere and loose.”
Steve hears Bucky shift toward him and before he can stop him Bucky has reached over to get Steve out of the trap and push the gray button in the middle of the controller. The screen goes dark and a drawing of the controller pops up.
“What?” Steve starts, pushing at the joystick. Nothing happens. Bucky takes the controller out of Steve’s hands.
“It’s paused.” Bucky reassures him. “You can pick up where you left off in a moment. Now tell me ‘hi’, Punk. And maybe I’ll help you.”
Realizing that he was neglecting his fella, Steve turns with a grin and kisses Bucky hello. “Hi, Buck. How was the mission?”
“That’s more like it.” Bucky says. Steve feels Bucky relax next to him, the tension from the week long mission finally leaving him. “Mission was a success. No one got hurt.”
That’s all Steve needs to hear. He knows Bucky will tell him more later. But Bucky doesn’t like talking about a mission right after one. He likes to spend time in the safety of home first. Steve feels the same way, and they always try to create that safe space for each other.
After a moment Bucky asks, “So what’s the hang up on the game?”
“I thought I’d give this a shot.” Steve says gesturing towards the screen with the controller. “Wanted to play with you when you got back. But I’m not very good yet.”
“’Tasha made it sound like you’re terrible.” Bucky says evenly.
“I’m not that bad!” Steve defends. Then more sheepishly, “Um, it’s the one in the middle that starts it, right?”
Bucky chuckles and grins that crooked grin that makes Steve want to forget all about the game. Then reaches over and presses the round button again.
The game starts and Steve says, “Thanks Bucky!” before flying over a wall when he hits a rainbow speed stripe. “Dangnabbit!”
Bucky chuckles and nudges at Steve’s knee with his own. “Well that won’t do. Move over and I’ll show you how it’s done.”
Steve looks at Bucky oddly before scooting further down on the couch. This far down the couch he has to have his legs up on the foot rest portion of Tony’s ridiculously large sectional sofa.
“Down too.” Bucky insists, shoving playfully at Steve’s shoulder. Steve moves so he’s perched on the edge of the foot rest.
He’s not sure what Bucky’s up to which means it’s likely a bad idea, “Bucky, what are you doing?”
“Teaching.” Bucky grunts before sliding behind Steve. It’s terribly distracting but Steve remembers he’s supposed to be playing a game when Bucky corrects his grip on the controller. Steve has his index fingers wrapped around the handles. Bucky nudges them to the buttons on the back of the controller.
“I don’t know how you expected to use the L and R buttons with your fingers way down there.” Bucky teases once he’s got Steve’s hands right. At some point Bucky paused the game again so Steve hasn’t lost, yet.
“Didn’t even know there were buttons there.” Steve replies.
Bucky exhales his laughter and presses the start button again after nudging Steve’s thumbs so they go on the A button and Joystick. “Play like you normally do.” Bucky says softly next to Steve’s ear. Then he covers Steve hands with his own. The metal hand cold against Steve’s skin. “I’ll let you know if you’re doing something wrong.”
Steve nods and taps the A button to get going. Since he’d just flown off the road it was pretty easy to go straight. All he had to do was push the joy stick forward. As his tie wearing gorilla slows down he grunts and taps the button again. He doesn’t understand why Nintendo had to make moving so difficult.
A moment later Bucky’s thumb is pressing down on Steve’s so that he is holding down the A button. The kart goes forward at a much faster rate. But it’s harder to control when he’s moving faster. A moment later Steve is going the wrong way against a stone wall.
Bucky nudges his thumb down to the red B button, once again holding it down. The Kart backs up and Steve is able to steer out of the corner he had gotten himself caught in.
The keep on like that for a few rounds. With Bucky showing Steve how to get and throw items and how to switch drivers. He even shows Steve how to drift at turns so he doesn’t have to slow down.
After a few rounds Steve is playing on his own. He’s not good yet but he knows what he’s doing. He’s just playing against Bucky. Which is nice.
Bucky is still curled around Steve. His arms wrapped around Steve and his chin resting on Steve’s shoulder so he can see the screen. He’s holding his controller under Steve’s because he can play by feel alone. Steve tries not be annoyed by that.
That is how Natasha and Sam find them. Steve has stopped cursing and is actually enjoying himself.
“I don’t believe it.” Natasha says dryly. Bucky and Steve look over at her questioningly. “Cap’s playing a video game. Congratulations, Barnes. You’ve done the impossible.”
“She’s over exaggerating, isn’t she?” Sam asks Steve.
“No.” Bucky says flatly as he aims to take out Steve with a green shell. They’ve been playing Luigi’s circuit the whole time and Bucky is getting bored.
“Hey!” Steve objects. “I learned fast enough!”
Bucky reaches up to Steve’s controller as he drives towards the chain chomp and diverts him back to the road.
Sam snorts and grabs a controller before sitting by his teammates. “Alright.” The Falcon says gamely. “I want in. Restart the game.”
Natasha sighs and sits cross legged in the corner section of the couch. Steve notes it’s the spot where Clint likes to perch on the back of the couch. He wonders where Clint is. Hawkeye should also be back and practically glued to Natasha, probably by the lips.
“I’ll play too.” Natasha says like someone had twisted her arm to it. The smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth gave her away though.
They upgrade to playing a Grand Prix. It’s just the Mushroom Cup. Not one of the hard ones, not yet. Steve starts cursing again at first because things keep getting thrown at him. But he figures out how to dodge fairly quickly.
Sam is decent with videogames but he obviously hasn’t spent half his life with a controller in his hands. Natasha on the other hand takes first in almost every single race except Baby Park. Bucky wins that race through ruthlessness only Steve knew to expect.
They’re on their second grand prix when Clint walks in with a few boxes of pizza. A crust is sticking out of his mouth like a cigar. “Ishda arro kur?”
“Don’t talk with your mouth full Clint!” Natasha yells from the couch without looking away from the screen. She’s chasing Bucky around Peach Beach with six green shells.
Clint swallows his crust and says, “That’s Mario Kart! I want in.”
“But we just started man!” Sam, who is currently first, protests while his character gets blown up by a blue Spiny Shell. “Who threw that? I’m going to hit them so hard!”
“Don’t care.” Clint says setting the pizza boxes down in the middle of the coffee table. “I want in. I freaking love this game and I’m awesome at it! But why are you playing the easy courses?”
As he speaks Clint makes his way towards Natasha. He stops to drop a kiss on her cheek when she tilts her head towards him. He murmurs something that makes her smile and take her eyes off the screen long enough to kiss him back. Then he climbs up the couch to sit on the back behind her. Offering her a leg as a backrest.
“Somebody controller me!” Clint demands again.
Just then JARVIS interrupts the game. “Mr. Stark asked me to inform you that he and Dr. Banner will be joining you all shortly.” The crisp voice of the AI fills the room. “They both intend to play. In addition, Thor is flying in with Dr. Foster and will land in less than half an hour. I’d advise that you link the two consoles now.”
Steve pauses the game and says, “Thanks JARVIS!” before moving to do as the AI advised. He grabs the instruction manual and looks up the chapter on hooking up two game cubes.
Sam gets up to help. It goes a lot faster with Sam making suggestions. They hook up controllers for the rest of the team and break for pizza.
Steve and Bucky resume their earlier position taking an entire three boxes for themselves. Leaving seven boxes for everyone else.
Clint and Sam spend lunch extolling the virtues of Super Smash Bros. It’s not long before they’ve started playing again, though. Steve was convinced that Clint would be really good. And he would be if he took the game as seriously as he took his archery.
“I bet I can drive straight into the quicksand without getting sucked in!” The archer says on Dry Dry Desert. Quickly followed by a, “Son of a grapefruit!” when he falls into the hole anyways.
Tony and Bruce finally join them shortly after Clint makes Natasha and Bucky loose by getting all three of them sucked into the tornado on Dry Desert.
“Hey, we’ll go easy on you and the big guy.” Stark says as they walk into the media room.
Bruce sighs and says, “That really won’t be necessary, Tony.”
Tony pats Bruce’s arm with false sympathy.
“So what are we playing?” Tony asks the team, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. He grabs a slice of pizza and two controllers for him and Bruce.
Bruce quietly clears a space for himself at the coffee table and sits on the floor in front of it.
“Mario Kart.” Sam answers as Tony hands Bruce his controller and goes to sit on the far end of the couch.
“Good, I love this game.” Tony says enthusiastically. “Let’s start it up!”
“I would advise you to wait Mr. Stark.” JARVIS interrupts. “Thor, Dr. Foster and Ms. Potts are coming down from the helipad as we speak.
Tony sighs. He can’t really do anything but wait because Bucky is player 1 and has taken the game back to the title screen.
“I forgot the title music was so annoying on this.” Tony complains a moment later.
The rest of the team ignores the billionaire’s pouting until Pepper enters the media room with Thor and Dr. Foster. Pepper takes one look at Tony and goes to sit by him on the arm rest. Tony instantly leans against her.
While Pepper listens to Tony complain about crappy title music the rest of the team greet Thor and Jane.
“What is this I hear about a game?” the Agardian asks cheerfully. “Are we to play a game of Knattleikr, or its younger brother, baseball?”
“Not today big guy.” Natasha says a competitive grin spreading across her face. “We’re playing Mario Kart.”
“What is Mario Kart?” Thor asks as he sits in the open spot on the couch next to Tony.
Jane moves to sit next to him. At the last minute she trips over a table leg heading straight for a face plant into Bruce. Thor grabs her and pulls her onto his lap.
“You may sit here, if you wish.” He offers with a blinding grin.
Jane rolls her eyes, her smiling ruining her annoyance.
“Okay, we’ve got the band together.” Tony says interrupting the moment. “Now let’s play some Mario Kart!”
The team agrees to play all three unlocked cups in a row starting with the Mushroom Cup.
Jane and Pepper contribute to the game by choosing characters for Thor and Tony. Tony gets Baby Luigi and Mario while Thor delightedly gets Yoshi and Birdo.
“Aw, Peps.” Tony groans, when he sees his characters.
“What? They’re cute!” Pepper replies innocently.
Thor cheers “Yes! The large lizards and I will race our way to victory!”
Jane smiles and turns her attention to braiding Thor’s hair to entertain herself.
It turns out that Thor is worse than Steve at video games. Unlike Steve he isn’t behind the curve he is way too far ahead. As the race begins Thor hold his controller very tightly and stares intently at the screen. Even Steve blows past him because Thor isn’t moving.
“Thor, what are you doing?” Jane asks softly while Clint plays chicken with the Chain Chomp and loses. It puts Clint in second to last. Thor is still sitting at the start line staring intently at the screen.
“It will not go when I ask it to.” Thor confusedly tells Jane. “Does the plastic handle not read your thoughts?”
Jane has a hard time controlling her laughter at that. “No, Thor, it’s not thought based.”
“Hey, what’s the hang up?” Tony asks realizing Thor hasn’t moved. With his attention divided Sam manages to trip him up on a banana peel. “I’m going to get you for that Wilson!”
“It’s electrical based.” Jane tells Thor. She’s about to explain the buttons when Thor gets a look in his eye.
The members of the team that had been paying attention to the conversation knew to take cover. Tony on the other hand lunged towards his new T.V. yelling, “No!”
A spindle of lightning strikes the screen and Tony is blown off his feet.
“Tony!” Pepper cries lunging towards Tony who is lying against the wall. “Are you okay?”
Tony shakes himself and looks forlornly at Pepper. “Why Pep’s? Why do they keep destroying my T.V.’s?”
Reassured that Tony was okay Pepper swats his arm. “You bought extras because you knew that was a possibility.” She pulls Tony to his feet and sits him back on the couch. Then turns to ask Steve and Thor to go to the spare Media room to fetch one of the spare T.V.’s.
A few minutes later Bruce and Tony are setting up the T.V. with the super soldiers on standby for heavy lifting. Thor has finally stopped apologizing for his mistake and is listening to Jane and Sam explain how a controller works.
They get the T.V. set up and the games are on.
A few rounds later Tony yells, “What the Hell Bruce! You’ve been holding out on us!” It has become abundantly clear that Bruce is insanely good at Mario Kart, having won every round so far. “How are you doing that? How?”
Bruce smiles a gentle smile and says, “I used to play with the kids at the hospitals in third world countries.”
Tony refuses to believe him. “You don’t get that good playing against a group of kids, Bruce.”
Fed up with Tony’s attitude Bruce looks at him pointedly and says, “Well, it certainly isn’t by using cheat codes, Tony.”
The team’s response to Bruce’s soft accusation is instant and deafening. Sam slaps Bruce on the back and whistles impressed that Bruce beat Tony when Stark was cheating.
“What is a Cheat Code?” Thor asks confusedly, having never heard the term.
Steve, reacting to the word cheat, jumps out of Bucky’s arms and yells at Tony for creating a toxic team environment. He’s in full Captain Mode and it’s a bit terrifying. “What makes you think cheating is alright, Tony? This is a team building exercise!”
Tony tries to get out of it through snark. He lazily replies. “Go for another chill cycle Cap. Everyone with sense does it. It’s how you play.”
“Say that again, Stark.” Bucky growls dangerously. He’s moved from his place on the couch and is stalking towards Tony.
Tony swallows and then his eyes harden at being intimidated. “You heard me.”
Pepper, who is trying to salvage the situation by telling the team to calm down, glares at Tony. The room is totally silent.
“Honestly, I’m surprised the Assassins didn’t think of it first.” Tony continues flippantly.
The next thing everyone knows Natasha is holding back an absolutely livid Clint while simultaneously threatening to put itching powder on all Tony’s possessions. Steve and Bucky are holding each other back and yelling over one another about Tony being out of line.
Pepper puts Tony behind her and tries to get the group to calm down along with Bruce and Sam. The other four are too mad to hear them though.
It’s looking like World War Avengers when the arguing is pierced by a sharp whistle. The team turns to find Agent Hill and Agent Carter standing in the door way. They’re holding hands and a grocery bag each. Maria looks furious.
“What is this?” She bites out staring down the Avengers until they stare ashamedly at their feet.
“We were playing Mario Kart, Agent Hill.” Steve starts to explain. She glares at him and he shuts up.
Thor stands up and says, “Brother Tony was using cheat codes.”
“I see.” Maria drawls tightly as Sharon gives Maria’s hand a reassuring squeeze. Then Sharon is calling out to towers A.I. “JARVIS new S.H.I.E.L.D. protocol. Cheat codes are prohibited in the tower. Anyone who uses them is to be disconnected from the game.”
The glare Maria shoots Tony when he says, “Aw, man.” Keeps the inventor silent. An awkward silence descends. Luckily Pepper is there to smooth it over.
“Maria, Sharon.” She says stepping forward to greet her friends. “What a lovely surprise! What do you have there?”
They smile back and Sharon says, “Well Tony said something about a dinner party when he was on a call with Maria yesterday.”
“A dinner party?” Tony pipes up and then groans. “Oh yes. The dinner party. That was a surprise for Pepper. Damn me. Peps, I’m sorry.”
“It was a sweet thought.” Pepper says smiling at Tony. Then she turns apologetically to Maria and Sharon. “But I’m afraid we don’t have any extra food.”
“We’ll order take out.” Tony says jumping in to cover his mistake. “And we can keep playing Mario Kart. JARVIS make a player rotation schematic thing so that everyone can play.”
JARVIS agrees and the team returns to playing. Until Sharon walks past Thor with her grocery bag.
“Agent Carter?” Thor rumbles, “What is that delicious smell?”
Sharon smiles and blushes slightly before saying, “Oh, I brought pie!”
Clint sniffs the air and adds wistfully, “It smells like pear? I haven’t had tarte bourdaloue since Paris.”
Now all the genetically modified humans are trying to catch the scent of the pie. Finally it’s Steve who grins like Christmas has come early. “No. That’s apple pie. I’m sure.”
“But tarte bourdaloue man. It’s so good.” Clint sulks.
Natasha shakes her head while the rest of the team laughs at Clint’s antics. Everyone except Bucky who mumbles, “You and your goddamn pie, Rogers. At least finish the circuit before you make Sharon give you a piece.”